A car alarm going off and the sudden chill from the wind coming into my room is what woke me up. I blink a few times trying to adjust to the lack of light and that's when I notice my sliding glass door open and my curtains flowing into the room. I know I closed that before I went to bed.

My eyes slowly move throughout the room and get to the corner where I see him hunched over and his stare glued to the floor. If this wasn't a somewhat normal thing I'd be terrified.

He finally sees me sit up and even in the darkness his piercing red eyes find me.

I'm trying to asses if this is going to be a sad night or an angry, but based off the call from Denki earlier, I'm gonna assume angry.

I feel defeated once again, It didn't used to be like this. He was my Prince Charming that I met in high school 10 years ago. He was sweet and kind to me. He never made me upset. Now all of that seems like a distant blur. Ever since the accident 2 years ago where both of our best friends died by a drunk driver, anger and sorrow are all he knows. Instead of him being in the bed beside me softly snoring he sits in the corner of the room waiting for me to wake up, daring me to ask him anything at all that I know will set him off so he can scream and throw things.

I learned not to say anything. I just look at him. I try to hide my pain for him with an even expression and sometimes it comes out. Tonight, I will do my damnedest to not let him see me falter. He needs me to be strong. I stare down at his name tattooed on my wrist and rub my thumb over it. I know he has my name tattooed on his wrist as well. He keeps it covered with a wrist band now.

He doesn't say anything, he just stares. I see the bottle empty beside him on the floor. While he's staring I hardly breathe.

I see him get up and walk to the dresser and he stares at a picture of us on it. Holding it in his hand and I see his thumb rub over it. I know he's thinking about the past. It's the only thing he thinks about.

I flinch when the plastic frame hits the wall. I stop breathing all together when he swipes everything off the dresser and anything else he can find. I know none of it will be broken. I made sure to not have anything breakable anymore for this reason alone. He tries to push the dresser over and the chair and anything he can touch but I've anchored it all to the wall. "FUUUUCK" he screams and I know that Deku is going to come in here any moment now and I know that will make things worse.

Deku lives here for my protection. Not that I need protecting from Katsuki, but from the shitty neighborhood I live in because of Katsuki. I had to find somewhere that wouldn't call the cops every night they heard someone screaming, or no one would make a call about someone climbing in a balcony in the middle of the night. People here mind their own business.

Right on cue Deku walks in, wearing nothing but shorts and I know that was an even bigger mistake. "FUCKING LOSER WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Katsuki roars. "COME HERE TO FUCK MY GIRL HUH" He screams rushing towards Deku and slamming him against the wall holding him up by the throat squeezing the the air from him. I can't do anything. I'm frozen. A single tear falls from my eye. Telling him to stop makes it worse.

Deku kicks Katsuki in the chest. Causing him to let go of his throat. Deku is on the ground gasping for air and Katsuki is hunched over gripping his stomach from the kick. Deku stands his ground. "First off. She's not your's anymore. You ruined that. She's not mine either. I'm just here to help. Second off, you have got to stop this. It's enough. It's not what he would've wanted!" I close my eyes hard wishing it all away. Katsuki lunges towards Deku and I jump off the bed quickly getting in the middle of the two of them. "STOP PLEASE" I put both of my hands on Katsuki's chest praying that he'll listen. "Please… stop please" I beg him. My voice cracking. "Leave" I say slightly turning my head. Deku does what he's told. He doesn't protest anymore. He doesn't give me any crap for the choices that I make, he knows I have to make them. I don't have any other options. Pain fills my chest.

Katsuki is steady with my hands on his chest. His breathing calms. I guide him slowly to the bed. I take off his shoes and his shirt. I climb into the bed and pat the bed beside me motioning for him to come to me. He obeys and comes and lays down. We lay with our backs to each other, but he can't stand the distance so after a moment he always turns over and grabs my waist and pulls me to him. I usually turn over so he can bury his head in my chest and listen to my heart beat. I never hear him cry but I can always feel the moisture on my chest. I rub his head softly until he finally passes out.

I lay my cheek on top of his head nestling into his spiky blonde hair and wish this wasn't our life. Until he gets sober this is our life. Mine barely sleeping each night, waiting for him to come into my sliding glass door, have whatever tantrum and then pass out and him sneak away in the morning. He goes to his construction job and then he goes to a bar and drinks until they kick him out. He'll either pass out at his work job site or he'll come here, since he doesn't have a home anymore. I wish they would stop letting him get drunk, but they won't. Everyone in town knows him and knows why he drinks. They feel sorry for him so they let his shit behavior continue.

I hold him close to me, trying to remember his smell before the only scent he had on him was liquor. I close my eyes wishing this hell would be over. I didn't just lose my two best friends that night when the drunk driver drove onto the wrong side of the road and hit them head on, I lost the love of my life that night too. The only sad humor I find in this situation is "Mine" Katsuki called me his girl. Deku was right, I'm not his. Well... Not by any kind of title anyways. There is no claim over me like girlfriend, wife, hell not even lover. 8 years I was practically all those things. The 9th year I tried to hard to help him but he refused to let me. So last year I gave up, I called it quits on us. But they both know, hell everyone in this god forsaken town knows I belong to him. I couldn't find someone else even if I wanted to. No man would put up with Katsuki and Katsuki would never let me find someone else. Not like I would want anyone other than him. So I'll be here. I'll wait for him until he turns off this horror movie we're living in. I told him I'd never leave him. He throws it back in my face all the time that I've left. But I haven't. I'm still holding him constantly trying to make his pain go away. No we don't have sex anymore and I don't make him dinner or wash his laundry but I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere. I'll always leave the door unlocked for him to climb through, and I'll still by his shampoo and things because I know he showers here. So no. I'm not his by definition. But I'll never be anyone else's either.

When I wake up it's because outside woke up. The neighbors yelling and horns and alarms going off. I look over at the empty bed and then the stuff thrown all over.

I sigh deeply and pick up all the things that were thrown and put them back in their proper place. I picked up the picture of us and hold it to my chest praying that I'll get to see him smile again.

Hell, I'd be happy just seeing him sober again.