One clear and sunny day, two overall-clad men walked through the halls of the Mushroom Kingdom movie theater; one was an Italian named Mario and the other was the famous YouTuber known only as SMG4.
They'd just finished watching the new Mario movie and had found it to be enjoyable compared to... that other Mario movie.
"Wow..." SMG4 remarked, "What an ending..."
"Yeah, who could have thought Bowser would be shrunken and a Yoshi Egg would end up in-a the sewers of Brooklyn." Mario quipped aloud.
"OH COME ON!" A Toad shouted, overhearing the fat Italian.
"WHADDAYA THINK YOU'RE DOING SPOILIN' THE MOVIE?!" A Goomba cried angrily.
Mario and SMG4 looked at one another with sheepish smiles and continued through the theater lobby towards the exit with not many people in earshot of them as they talked about their thoughts on the film and if a sequel would be coming up soon, that movie sure had been good.
"Yo, SMG4." Mario said, "I probably should've told you before we arrived at the theater..."
"What, Mario?" SMG4 asked.
"When-a Mario did a backwards long jump and tried to-a get to-a the theater so I could-a see the movie, I flew into a portal and crashed on top of another Mario.
"Then I went through a Warp Pipe into a version of-a the Mushroom Kingdom, wiped out-a a version of Peach, went on a quest and faced-a Donkey Kong. Then I fought-a Bowser, turned him into a chicken nugget, and then blew up-a the world."
SMG4 didn't look surprised. "So in the time it seemed like you were being quiet back there, you were adventuring through an alternate universe Mushroom Kingdom..." He remarked, "If I didn't know better, I'd say you wound up visiting the universe of the new M... WHAT THE BINGUS?!"
Both fat Italians had just walked outside and approached their van to leave. And right then and there, Mario and SMG4 saw the graffiti sprayed on the side of the van. It looked like a banana, who would paint a banana picture on the side of SMG4's motorhome AND WHILE THEY WERE WATCHING THE MOVIE TOO?
"Delinquents..." SMG4 muttered.
*KSSSSSSSSSSSS* Mario laughed as he sprayed SMG4's face with a paint can. The meme man was irked by this and wheeled around before the plumber could spray more paint on him and yelled, "OI!"
"Hee-hee, oops, sorry." Mario threw away the paint spray.
"Wait a sec, there's a note..." SMG4 spotted some paper on the van near the banana paint and removed it, studying the odd letter that was there.
"It reads..." SMG4 read, "'Hee-hee, bottom...' What else is there and... WHAT? IS THAT?!"
Mario and SMG4 looked closer, staring at the bottom of the paper, their eyes all fixed on the M symbol and seeing the little drawing that looked like...
"Impossible! No way..." SMG4 remarked, "The culprit was a Minion? H-How, i-is this some sort of joke by some weirdo?"
"No way..." Mario remarked, "I thought I wiped the Minions out with-a Thanos' Infinity Gauntlet nearly a year ago, it couldn't have-a been them, they're-a extinct. Unless..."
His eyes widened, "MAMA MIA, WE HAVE A SURVIVOR ON THE LOOSE..." He grabbed SMG4 and shook him, "MARIO CAN'T-A BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN WITH A MINION STILL ALIVE AND ON-A THE LOOSE!"
"The Minions caused a bunch of chaos until they were wiped out of existence..." SMG4 said, "But if some of them survived and have been laying low for some time, that means the release of the new Mario film by Illumination and Universal gave this one incentive to start causing ruckus!"
"Eee-hee-hee..."
"And there's no doubt that vandalistic Pisano is still in the area." Mario stopped shaking SMG4 and put down his meme-loving friend, hearing the sound of creepy laughter.
They surveyed the area, seeing a few Inklings and Octolings leave the theater, discussing the new film, while a Goomba walked around with a Koopa. No Minion in sight. Then...
"BOOYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Mario and SMG4 yelped as the Minion made his appearance, sticking his tongue out at them. The Minion whipped out some sort of gun and pulled the trigger, a cloud of black mist emerged with a flatulent noise akin to a fart and obscured the duo until it faded while Mario waved his hand with disgust.
The Minion laughed and brought out a paint spray, sprayed an X on Mario's overalls and kicked him right in the groin. Then he ran off, laughing maniacally. Mario groaned and looked at SMG4, who nodded. Acting quickly, they wiped the paint off the van and climbed in, starting up the engines and driving away from the theater.
"He can't be far." SMG4 said, "And besides, it's just one Minion. If there are survivors, we know what to do."
"Mario's going to kill some beeches!" Mario remarked confidently.
The fat Italian and the meme man drove through the streets of Mushroom Town, keeping an eye out for any suspicious activity.
He had to be around here somewhere, committing vandalism, trying to make Minion-based merch and probably just causing a whole bunch of ruckus for the sake of straight of causing a whole ton of trouble.
A Minion resurgence could not happen, that last Minion had to be neutralized at all costs necessary before that thing's actions led to something beyond dire. He likely wasn't acting alone, there may have been many more survivors, or perhaps... the Minions weren't all destroyed!
"OI, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OVER THERE?!" SMG4 shouted as he slammed on the brakes.
He and Mario stepped out, finding town square to be flooded with people dressed in yellow and blue. Toads, Inklings, Koopas, normal humans. Something was very wrong, it seemed like everyone was dressing up as... Minions!
The strange Minion-cosplaying crowd walked around, saying odd Minion words and laughing as they harassed those who weren't dressing up as them.
This had to be the work of the Minion that Mario and SMG4 were after, he had to have put those folks under some sort of spell that made them paint themselves yellow and put on blue-clothing.
"BANANA!" A yellow Inkling in a yellow-blue outfit cried, holding up a banana in front of Mario and SMG4.
"F*** YOU!" Mario flipped the bird and kicked the Inkling Minion away.
"OKAY, THAT'S IT!" SMG4 brought out a megaphone and turned it on, a high-pitched ring made its way across the town and all the Minion-crazy people stopped their oddball activities, turning to the meme man and the fat Italian standing close by.
"THAT'S JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF THIS INSANITY FOR TODAY..." SMG4 yelled, "WE KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE, MINION, AND YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE! YOUR KIND WAS WIPED OUT AND YOU HAVE NO CHANCE! SO SHOW YOURSELF NOW AND SURRENDER SO WE CAN RESOLVE THIS NON-VIOLENTLY!"
Just then, the streets rumbled and the crowd parted as a massive tank rolled into the vicinity, it's gun pointed right at Mario and SMG4. The tank came to a stop and it's driver poked his head up from inside the combat vehicle; The Minion.
"HA-HA!" The Minion cried, "BA-BA-BA-BANANA!"
"BA-BA-BA-BANANA!" The apparently brainwashed Minion-Cosplay people hollered.
"You really think a tank is going to help you?" SMG4 yelled, "WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS TROUBLE-MAKING AND THERE IS NO NEED FOR TERRORISM! EXIT THE VEHICLE AND TURN ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE BACK TO NORMAL AT ONCE!"
The Minion brought out a megaphone and laughed into it. He then coughed, adjusted the angle of his hand-held loudspeaker and said;
"No."
Mario brought out a baseball bat.
"Mario's going to do something VERY ILLEGAL!" The fat Italian proclaimed and ran through the crowd even as SMG4 tried to stop him from being reckless, smacking Minion cosplayers, including a couple Goombas, as he leaped towards the Minion's tank.
He jumped on top of the tank and stared at the Minion directly in the eye, ready to smack him with the bat, and then...
"KING BOB!" The Minion shouted into the megaphone at a higher volume.
Mario almost fell off the tank and the Minion grabbed the bat from him, swinging at the plumber in an attempt to knock him off. However, Mario kicked the yellow guy in the face, grabbed the bat and knocked him off the tank with it.
He then leaped down and kicked the Minion so hard in the face, the Minion rolled a few feet across the street.
"Ow..." The minion wailed.
That wasn't it. Mario jumped into the tank, took the controls and aimed the guns at the Minion before he could get back up. The crowd parted and several people took cover, SMG4 yelped and dove into his van before pulling back just a little, Mario steadied his aim as the Minion slowly got to his feet, ready to open fire.
"So-a long, mamaf***er!"
The Minion saw the tank's gun aimed at him and screamed with terror. Mario pulled the trigger and... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! The explosion ruptured the street, sending rubble flying. The dust settled, revealing nothing left but smoldering overalls and a pair of boots.
And so it was, with the firepower of a mighty military weapon and the thinking of a mentally-impaired Italian plumber, the last of the Minions had been destroyed.
Mario brought out a Bob-Omb from his inventory and planted it inside the tank, exiting and heading back to SMG4's van just before the bomb exploded, destroying the Minion's stolen tank.
And with the Minion gone, the strange Minion-cosplaying people snapped out of their spell and began working to rid themselves of the Minion's influence.
"Well, it's over at last..." SMG4 remarked, "Unless..."
"Let's-a call it a day!" Mario slapped his best buddy on the shoulder, "We don't have to-a worry about-a those Minion guys for a good long time, not-a unless someone tries to reverse-a the Snap and-a bring them back to-a life through any-a means necessary."
"Well, it could have been worse." SMG4 remarked, "And I sure hope we don't have to deal with that despicable fella who was the Minions' leader at some point, I'd hate it if he came after us for destroying his... minions... especially after the work we did to protect the world from getting infested by those things."
"SMG4!"
"Ok, Mario. Why don't we go get some Macca's, I'm kinda hungry..."
"YAHOO!"
And so, Mario and SMG4 drove off, leaving the street that served as the site of the final battle of the Minion-Apocalypse and saw the demise of the last living Minion. The world was safe, all was in balance and nobody had to worry about Minion-madness… ever again.
The End
Somewhere in a sinister lair, a man furiously slammed a fist on the table and stamped his foot as he watched the news, watching the tank obliterate the Minion to smithereens.
Gru could not believe what he was seeing, that he had to see his last surviving Minion be blown up by that stupid fat Italian. And when he first heard there was a surviving Minion in Mushroom City, he had hope.
And now, that hope had been taken away... by the one who'd wiped them all out in the first place and then humiliated him with his own Shrink Ray shortly after.
Gru shut off the TV and screamed angrily, he HATED Mario more than ever. The Minions may have lived long before he did, but he was their master and he cared greatly for them. And nobody wiped out the Minion race, nobody robbed him of his servants. A villain needed minions, he couldn't act alone.
Oh, how he would pay...
"You think you can be rid of the Minions, Mario?" Gru snarled, "You think I'm just going to let you destroy them without consequence. Oh, there will be great vengeance alright and you'll never see it coming.
"My vengeance will burn across the Mushroom Kingdom and THE MINIONS WILL RISE AGAIN, STRONGER THAN EVER BEFORE AND I WILL MAKE SURE YOU DON'T LIVE TO SEE THE NEW ERA!"
And with these words, Gru began to laugh...