A/N: Happy very late birthday Moonykaz! This is over 20 days late but to be fair I was a corpse on out birthday so I couldn't write and I didn't know what you wanted so here it finally is! Hope you like it 3

Honestly, Sirius was sure what he was going to do about this. Now please do not get him wrong in any way. He loved his boyfriend Remus as profoundly as anyone can do being a teenager. So the question plaguing Sirius's mind more than he would ever want to admit was whether it was terrible that he had a crush on someone that wasn't him. Does it make him a bad person? Is he a terrible person for having feelings for someone that was not his romantic partner? Is he allowed to find anyone else when in a partnership? Well, he did kinda know the answer to that one. From what he has overheard from people talking way too damn loud in the hallway that is a no-no. But it does not make sense. Just because you are in love with someone does not mean that suddenly you will never look at someone and think that they are hot. Now that is a wrong move because you cannot think anyone else is beautiful because that somehow means that you don't find your partner beautiful. Everything does not make sense of anything that is going on.

"Um, Sirius are you doing okay?" Regulus asked looking at his brother with concern since he had not seen him look so in thought though his brother is smart, his looking this distressed while doing it and determined is troubling.

"No, I just, am stressing out on something," Sirius says with more hesitance than Regulus had ever heard from him. Other than when he was trying to say something that would not make their mother so mad that he would not see the light of day until the end of the school year. But they don't have to worry about that now. Thanks, Effie Potter. So there is no reason that he should be doing this.

"Well, get on with it," Regulus says, sighing and sitting down next to his brother who was under the tree in the Potter's garden. The silence that followed from his brother was the opposite of the garden. You could hear the breeze that passed through making the trees and bushes make the noise of moving around like they had limbs that could move. The sound of birds chirping by and you could distantly hear the sound of a couple of kids playing Quidditch in the neighborhood pitch. The whooshing of their brooms and the occasional scream with a parent saying the correct score or calling a fowl. It was peaceful and full of life. When all that Sirius felt like was digging his own grave and having someone bury him to death and have the whole world die before the dirt. Maybe he could get Peter to help him? Regulus was looking at him with a look that was full of confusion and judgment as if he could read the mind of his thoughts. Though to Sirius, when is his face not sure of that? "Sirius," Regulus says and Sirius gives up trying to plot his own death and starts to wave his hands while talking.

"I just, I don't know what to say, just please don't judge me for what I am going to say," Sirius says looking at his brother with pleading eyes, and Regulus just laughed at him, the nerve. This was something to not laugh at.

"Sirius, when do I not judge you for everything?" Regulus says laughing until he sees that look on Sirius's face and he immediately stops and looks at Sirius with a serious expression though that is hard when in front of Sirius.

"I, um, well you know when you- no that is a stupid way to start this. Well then again there is no good way to do this." Sirius was rambling. And not in what is a ramble about his favorite record or musician but in a I have no idea how to talk. Sirius always talks. He never stumbles. This was worse than Regulus ever thought could be bad.

"Sirius, I will not judge you. You're my brother that I care about. Sure I will chastise you but I will always care and love you. So please just tell me and maybe I can help you. Okay?" Regulus says getting more emotional than he usually will give anyone but his older brother was not anyone.

"Okay, you're right," Sirius says and Regulus gives him a small smile. "You know how I have been dating Remus?" Regulus nods at the question resisting the strong urge to not say "Who the fuck doesn't" but feels that it was something not to do at this time and decided that he should just not open his mouth for fear that it would just come out.

"Well, I-I find other people attractive, other than Remus I mean." Sirius stammered out and Regulus could not help but laugh.

"Sirius, that is it? You're allowed to find other people pretty just don't act on it or generally talk about it. It is not like you're going to die over that. Or a relationship will die." Regulus says and Sirius thought he was going to faint from the words that Regulus said.

"Regulus! What do you mean? I have heard that you are not supposed-"

"Sirius. Do you love Remus?"

"e to think- what?"

"Do you love Remus?"

"Y-yes of course but-"

"Have you cheated on Remus?"

"Well no, but one could consider-"

"Yes or no."
"I guess not but he might consider it that."

"Are you attracted to Remus and think that he looks stunning?"

"Yes,"
"Have you acted on your finding someone please to the eye?"

"Well no, but-"
"Are you still happy in your relationship? Do you still want to be in the relationship? Does it make you and Remus happy?"

"Yes to all of it, I just- I haven't told you all of it." Sirius gets out and he can feel his throat closing up. Trying to stop the words or anything that could slip through. Even his own breath. He briefly wondered how long he was going to last before the hand that was crushing his throat would cause him to die.

"Then get on with it but so far you have not done anything wrong. And if you are worried about how this would be considered by Remus then for the love of Merlin talk to him. He is not going to be mad if you talk about where you guys stand in a relationship." As Regulus was talking you saw Sirius widen his eyes and his mind jumped at it. "Wait a damn minute. Have you guys just not talked about it? Did you guys just kiss and assume you were dating? Oh, Merlin, you guys have been dating for almost a year and you have talked about it. That is crazy, in my 5th year when I and Barty had a stint of dating we talked about it! And you're 17, almost 18. So close to wizarding and Muggle worlds you would be an adult! And you haven't even talked about it!" Regulus said with the amount of assuredness that it seemed too dramatic and he was Sirius Orion Black.

"And look how that ended up for you. You are broken up." Sirius says with a harshness that he knew was not warranted on what was happening. But it was because he knew that Regulus was right and felt kinda shit about how he hasn't done it yet.

"But we can still be friends even though we didn't work out since we—now wait for this Sirius this is going to sound a bit out of left field for you—talked—-it is going to get crazy then this—about how we felt about the relationship and what we want for it. Shocking to you I know!" Regulus says with the amount of endearment that he could monster and had to add the sarcastic comments he must think is the most genius in the world with amusement. Sirius did not think so. It was clearly evident on his face based on the laugh that came out of his little brother who did not crack a small smile out of it.

"Well, I guess the reason that I never brought it up was that if I asked he would actually think what he wanted from all of this and realized that he did not in fact want anything to do with me in this kind of context." Sirius admits the big thing that was bugging him for a while now, though he had not thought it through fully until now.

"You are going to have to face it eventually, Sirius. Where is that Gryffindor courage that got us away from our parents to the Potters. You're going to need to talk for things to work. Sure sometimes things are better left unsaid and just going on but you will need to eventually why not start now?" Regulus says and there is a silence that one could not replace with any form of sound to represent the calmness that the silences brought. Then suddenly Sirius snorted.

"What's that about Siri?"

"Just thinking that my little baby Reggie is acting like the one for guidance that should be filled by

I am the oldest brother. And here you are acting like you are the oldest one that you are doing this."

"Fuck off I am done being nice now."

"Little starrrrrr, come back my little baby brother!"

"FUCK OFF! SIRIUS—"

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After the thing that shall not be named that happened in the garden, Effie had to break up and make them swear to act better and not use magic in ways like that ever again. Sirius was now in the dining room getting patched up by Effie while being scolded for his behavior along with Regulus who was forced in a seat next him who was also being scolded even though he was done being patched up.

"Dears, I know how siblings can be, lord knows what Fleamont and his brother have done in their time together. If you are going to fight just please don't get physically okay. I can deal with a screaming match or 2 but this is crossing the line. A slap or chasing is fine but what is the rule to arguing." Effie asks as she finishes patching up Sirius and he grumbles the response Regulus not too far behind. They both knew she was just more concerned than anything else about why they got into the incident that shall not be named. But both knew they just got carried away but neither would admit it to the other. The wounds were (both figuratively and literally) still way too fresh for either to admit.

That was when James came down the steps doing Merlin knows what up there—Sirius had started to notice that James was spending more time up there then he usually did this summer and he wasn't too sure what he was doing. Though he thought that it must have something to do with a mystery boyfriend he accidentally removed on the last day of the school year—and looked between Regulus and Sirius opened his mouth to say something then suddenly shut it and shook his head going over to his mom to hug her and get something to eat.

"Prongs, what are you doing?" Sirius asks after being randomly possessed to do so, thinking this was his chance to get down to the root of what was going on with his best friend. They never keep anything from each other. At least not for this long anyways.

"I am getting something to eat. I think that is pretty clear. Are you worried about your eye site? Because you don't have to worry about that I am blind enough for the 2 of us. Sorry Reggie I don't think I have poor enough vision for you too." James says and Regulus rolls his eyes and then Effie asks if he wants to Diagon Alley with her he takes the opportunity sensing some sort of fight that is going to happen between the 2 friends and he doesn't want to upset Effie anymore then he already did. Plus the look that Sirius was sending him was telling him that he also didn't want that too so to take his time and go along since he was the favorite.

Now with both of them gone, Sirius was free to glare at James. To poke and prod at him but James did not even let up at what was going and left him be. Sirius had huffed and went up to his room, the journal that Remus had given him in hand. You see, Remus had enchanted the journal so they could write to each other in real time and didn't have to wait for an owl to come back. But you did have to wait until they came and saw the damn thing and then maybe you won't see it. It doesn't alert you, maybe it should, Sirius thought to himself. Remus probably thought of and didn't do it since he was still living in the hellhole and that was too risky. He would have to talk about what they could do now since no one here would care and in the dorm it is just the Marauders so they wouldn't care either.

Sirius opened the book and started writing to Remus. He did suppose that Regulus was right that they needed to talk. But if they were going to talk he at least didn't have to do it in the same room as and have to have his presence in the room while saying this shit.

Hey, Moony, could we talk for a bit?

There Sirius sat in baited patience hoping that Remus would reply back so he could quickly get this done. So he waited. And Waited. And waited. Still waiting. After who knows how long he finally just gave up waiting and just started writing. He would deal with this later. All he had to do was write it out and pretend he did not just do it and go to sleep. So he just wrote.

Well I am guessing you are not going to see this for a while so here it is right now since I have the nerve to do it right now and if I wait any longer I might not be able to do this again. So, where do we stand? Wait, why would I ask you a question when I know you are going to see this for a long time so I guess I will say my interpretation and what I want. Yeah that seems good.

So, I want to feel free to talk about finding other people cute and such cause that seems weird not to. And I kinda have a crush on someone. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, I am still absolutely in love with you and still want us to be a thing but I can't just not become romantically attracted to someone sometimes and that does not make me love and care for you any less. I mean I have been panicking about this for a long while if that means anything to you. In fact I will tell you who it is because I feel that you have the right to know considering that you are my boyfriend and I am talking about it right now. It is Barty. Yes Regulus friend and yes it did come to be when me and Reggie got close again and we all got to know each other. So um yeah that is all.

Sirius shut to book and throw it to the other side of the room and was glad that the usual time that Remus would come over to the Potter house has past because Sirius needs time to panic and wonder what the fuck he just did and how it all got fucked up over this thing. Leaving the book untouched for longer then he had thought. With the response that is boyfriend had put in and trying to talk to him.

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Their Hogwarts letters had finally come meaning that they had just about a week before Hogwarts started and they were planning on getting their stuff and who they wanted to get it with.

"So I invented Peter and Remus alre-" James says and Sirius, who had only been thinking about the musician Queens and the new album that is going to come out soon, was slapped back to reality in the face. And not in a good way. FUCK was all that Sirius can think about. Was Sirius intentionally avoiding Remus like the plague? No. He just ignored everything that anyone ever said to him about Remus and whenever his eye caught sight of the book his heart sped up to the point that it was ridiculous. Of course not, he was a very brave Gryffindor. Sometimes. Okay fine he was scared shitless and ignored the letters and everything. This was going to be some trip to Diagon Alley.