Chapter 12: Bohemian Rhapsody
Notes:
Hello hello!
TWs for this chapter:
Heights / flying (brooms)
Someone is once again in danger of falling from a considerable height
Smoking
Underage drinking
There are also a couple of songs mentioned in this chapter, with short bursts of lyrics. These all belong to the singers / songwriters and are all properly identified :)
Chapter Text
Monday afternoon James is a man on a mission. His friends have been dragging their feet all day, tired and battered after their duel with Moody but James? James is on top of the world.
He feels invincible.
He cannot wait to climb to the owlry roof again. Except he must find one of those cubes first. Two reasons: one, he got the impression Regulus didn't think he'd be able to get one. Two: it's a puzzle one makes with their hands, and James will do just about anything for an excuse to watch Regulus use his hands.
So. Man on a mission.
"Evans!" James yells across the Gryffindor common room as soon as he steps through the portrait.
Lily is sitting with Marlene and Mary, as per usual. They're going through homework, or at least they have books open in front of them. Marlene salutes him. "What's up Cap?"
"Hello Marlene, Mary," James says politely. "Lily. I need to ask you for a favour."
"Sure, James. What do you need?" Lily asks, shooting a quick glance towards her friends. "Is everything okay?"
James nods vigorously. Things are wonderful. Brilliant. Amazing. The world is beautiful, and he's on top of it, and honestly James could break into song.
"I just need to get a raiby cube? Reiban cube? The puzzle thingy. You know? That muggles invented?" he says, gesturing with his hands as well to get his point across.
Marlene wrinkles her nose, confused. But Mary's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline and she laughs. "You mean a Rubik's cube?"
"Oh!" Lily says. "Good one, Mary. I was lost for a moment."
James beams. "Thank you. Yes. Exactly that. Rubik's cube. I need one. How do I get one?"
Lily and Mary exchange glances. Marlene sits forward on her chair. "What is this cube you're on about?"
"Very popular puzzle. Muggles love it," Mary replies. "What do you need one for, James?"
He shifts the weight from his heels to his toes, balancing on his feet. There's more energy coursing through him today than usual. He's felt electric since he almost fell to his death and Regulus saved him.
Regulus saved him.
And James was so close to him. They were… lying there, together. And he… argh. James almost passed out from sheer want. Regulus fits so well under him. Like he was made to be there. Also, he smells amazing. Woody. Grass-y. Like the outdoors, which is surprising because as far as James knows Regulus doesn't spend much time outside. Except well. James doesn't really know Regulus very well, does he.
For example, he had no idea he liked puzzles. It's adorable, James thinks. He's so smart. Who enjoys brain teasers for fun? Well, Regulus Genius Black is who. And James will learn to solve this cube if it costs him his life.
"I just need one," James says. "It's a surprise."
Lily smiles at him. "I'll ask my parents to send me one. They're easy to get for muggles. It should take a couple of days."
James tries to hide his disappointment. He knew it wouldn't be immediate, but if he's honest, he's struggling to be patient about Regulus. James wants it to be night, and he wants to climb to the owlry again. It's all he can think about. Regulus at night. Regulus smoking. Regulus looking at him with a scowl and a frown. Exasperated, but also... a little soft? James thinks Regulus enjoys when James makes him irritated. And he can't wait to just be there again. Wiht him. So. A couple of days isn't great. But that's not Lily's fault. She's only trying to help.
"How much do I owe you for it?" James asks.
Lily shakes her head. "Nah, don't worry about—"
"A beer," Marlene says. "Next Hogsmeade weekend."
James looks at Lily, then shrugs. "Sure. Whatever you want." Lily blushes, for some reason. James thinks it makes her look quite lovely, but not as lovely as Regulus. The only complaint James has about the rooftop is that it's dark, and James cannot see if he's having any effect on Regulus.
He has yet to come up with a solution for that, but small steps. He doesn't want to get his permission to sit with him while he smokes revoked. There was a moment last night when James genuinely thought Regulus was going to tell him to stay away for good, and he would have. He didn't want to. But he would have, because Regulus is a Black, and he knows they've never had any boundaries respected at home so James is fucking careful not to make mistakes.
He probably still fucks up every now and then, but James tries.
"Yeah. That'd be nice. A beer next Hogsmeade weekend is great," Lily says, still blushing. Mary rolls her eyes, but doesn't comment.
Marlene gets up of her seat suddenly and waves. "Sirius!"
James looks over his shoulder to find his best friend crossing the common room towards the girls. He looks tired, but he's in better shape than Peter and Remus. His wand is in his hair, and he's got the uniform robes open to show a loose tie over his shirt.
"James," Sirius bumps his shoulder against his. "What are you bothering the girls for?"
James smiles, shrugs. "None of your business."
Sirius immediately gasps. "The betrayal!" he says, though he doesn't raise his voice. They're in the common room, so Sirius keeps his dramatics under control. "Well, we're busy. So off you go."
"Busy?"
Mary hooks her arm in Sirius' and looks at James with an air of superiority that makes him want to poke her under the ribs to make her laugh. "Sirius is our model today."
Ah. James had forgotten about the whole thing. He puts his hands up. "Sorry. I forgot. Ehm… good luck?"
Sirius wiggles his eyebrows and all three girls giggle. Even Marlene. Which is just… Marlene doesn't even like boys, so that tells you something about Sirius' charm. James shakes his head and waves goodbye, climbing the steps to his dorm and leaving his best friends to endure whatever it is the girls have planned for him.
Sirius doesn't come back until two hours later, when James is standing in the middle of his dorm in his pyjamas trying to cast a patronus. Now that they're all recruited into the Order, James insists that they learn to send each other messages this way. The first step is to cast corporeal patronuses. Easier said than done.
Remus is sitting on the edge of his bed, a book on his lap. Peter is lying on the floor by the end of his bed, watching James and providing unhelpful commentary.
The door cracks open, and James turns around. His almost-there-but-not-quite patronus vanishes. Sirius closes the door behind him and lifts his chin.
"What's that about?"
There's a choking sound, and then Remus is coughing. Peter sits up. "You okay Moony?"
Remus nods, but he's coughing still. "Wrong… pipe," he says between coughs.
Sirius is staring at Remus, a little concerned. James is staring at Sirius. Something's different. James notices it immediately, but he can't tell what. Sirius hair is the same. He'd never let anyone touch it. So. Is it his clothes? No. He's still in uniform. Tie hanging loosely around his neck.
"What did the girls need you for?" James asks.
Remus has stopped coughing. The book has fallen, and James' first indication that something's up is that Remus hasn't picked it up. He's just… staring. Mouth a little open. Staring at Sirius.
"What do you think?" Sirius asks Remus, totally ignoring James' question.
Remus stands and moves towards Sirius, who waits for him in the middle of the room, hands on his hips. Remus' hands are shaking, and James slowly moves away, until he's almost stepping on Peter. He's quick to his feet.
James and Peter stay very still, side by side. James doesn't think either of them are breathing.
Remus stops in front of Sirius. Lifts a hand. And grabs Sirius' chin. James has to slap a hand on Peter's mouth to muffle his shocked gasp.
Sirius smirks, seemingly unbothered by Remus' fingers tilting his face up so he can look at him from a better angle. "Well?"
James doesn't know what's happening. He doesn't understand it. Can't even tell what Remus is looking for. But he's looking, and there's something there. Something that Sirius has to see, right? He has to, because it's obvious. So Sirius could just… they could…
"Suits you," Remus says, dropping his hand.
No. No, don't! James wants to say, but he doesn't. He can't. James can't meddle. They need to figure it out on their own.
"So you like it?" Sirius asks. And is that? Oh. Oh. James' hopes soar. That's Sirius' flirting voice. Ladies and gentlemen, Sirius is flirting with Remus.
James has to focus to stop himself from singing hallelujah.
"Yeah," Remus says, voice hoarse. "I like it."
Sirius smiles, flicks his hair back a little.
Remus swallows. Nods firmly. "Yeah, you look good Pads. The girls did a good job." And he steps back.
James groans out loud. He can't help it. Both his friends look at him, and James has officially ruined the moment. Well. In his defence, Remus ruined it first all by himself. How did Remus miss that? Sirius was flirting. Was it on purpose? James doesn't know. He doesn't think it matters. It doesn't matter if Sirius knows what he's doing or not, because James is absolutely, one hundred percent certain that the moment Remus kisses him, Sirius will have an epiphany.
"What's that, Prongs?" Sirius asks him.
"I just don't know what you two are on about."
Remus laughs. Sirius blinks several times, very fast. And James gets it. "Oh. You're wearing make-up!"
"Yup," Sirius says. "What do you think?"
And honestly, he looks good. It's very subtle. Just some black eyeliner (James thinks that's what it's called) and… that thing girls put on their lashes to make them thicker. Darker. Jo used to do it all the time and James quite liked it.
It works on Sirius. James can see why Remus was struggling. Sirius has beautiful eyes. Grey, almost silver. "Yeah, Pads. You look hot."
Sirius wiggles his eyebrows again, tosses his hair back for good measure. "I know! The girls are fucking geniuses. I'm wearing this every day until I die. The world isn't ready for this!"
Peter laughs, shakes his head. "For Godric's sake. We didn't need your head to get any bigger."
Sirius ignores his, doing a lap around the room while batting his eyelashes. "People are going to swoon at my feet."
James chortles. Remus is watching Sirius with a sort of desperate longing on his face that makes James want to hit his best friend over the head, but he can't do that. He can't. Right? Fuck. He doesn't know anymore. Obviously, these two need help.
"Right. Well," Remus says, clearing his throat. "We were in the middle of something."
"Yes!" James remembers, grabs his wand again. "Sit down, Pads. We're learning patronuses."
"Cool!" Sirius sits down, pulls his wand out of his hair. "Pete, is that the book?"
Remus drops his face in his hands, but only James notices. He understands the feeling and even though he can't tell him, James stands in silent, secret solidarity with Remus. Having a crush on a Black brother is fucking painful.
Regulus has a strategy. It is very simple. He will not look up from the ground until he's outside. There are only advantages to this strategy. On the one hand, he doesn't have to make eye contact with anyone on his team. Only a good thing, in Regulus' opinion, because he's not a fan of the majority of his teammates. Why? Because they're all mindless bullies. They play with no finesse. Honestly, Regulus thinks that with the exception of the Greengrass girl (a chaser) and Rabastan Lestrange (their keeper) the rest of his team could be replaced by trolls and they'd play more gracefully.
The other reason his strategy is stellar is that as long as he keeps his gaze on the ground he won't accidentally spot James. Given how absolutely mind-boggling the last week has been, Regulus cannot, for any reason, lay eyes on James Potter before he's in the air or he won't be able to concentrate. Why? Because James has come to sit with him on the roof of the owlry twice in the past week. Honestly, Regulus would have preferred that he'd come every night, but let's not be greedy.
The first time was Tuesday. James showed up and what do you know? He had a Rubik's cube. Regulus smoked while James struggled to solve it. It was endearing. Eventually, Regulus took it from James and did it himself. James didn't breathe the entire time.
The second night was only last night. Regulus was a little irked that James didn't show the rest of the week, but Regulus did notice that James missed breakfast on Thursday and looked pretty haggard when he spotted him for dinner. Same with his friends. Something must have happened at their dorm, Regulus deduced. It's quite impressive how they manage to get in trouble so frequently.
Still. James showed up last night with bruises under his eyes but a smile as big as usual and Regulus didn't ask. He won't risk James teasing him for paying attention. James brought the cube again, and resumed his attempts at solving it. Regulus helped him, though he didn't take it away this time. James' look of utter delight when the last piece clicked into place made Regulus want to kiss him.
That terrified him into standing up abruptly and leaving, claiming he needed sleep ahead of today's match. James, despite being the Captain of the opposition, wished him a good game before letting him go.
They never get off the roof together. They haven't agreed it, or spoken about it. It's just… the way they do it.
Regulus goes through the motions of pre-match prep. He's in his Quidditch gear already and trying to warm up while looking at the floor of the changing room. His mind is unhelpfully supplying him with flashes of what James looked like when he ran into him the first week back to school.
Regulus cannot fucking believe that he's now had several full conversations with that same James late at night on a rooftop. It's insane. It's also reckless.
His Captain calls the team to get together. Regulus drags his feet. He hovers at the edge of the circle of players, listening to the Captain rattle a few stupid things that he knows won't make a difference. The only person who can win this match is Regulus by catching the snitch as quickly as possible.
He's going all out.
If James thinks… oh. Oh no.
Regulus' stomach drops. It drops through the floor, into the Earth, and pummels all the way to the core of the planet.
He's an idiot. Salazar Fucking Slytherin, he cannot believe he fell for this.
It all makes sense, in a twisted sort of way. He'd been wondering. Waiting for the other shoe to drop because in what universe does James Potter just want to spend his time with Regulus Black? There's no way Sirius would allow it, and there's zero chance James would do anything behind Sirius' back. Not to mention that it's just strange. James has better things to do with his time. He's got better friends. Interesting people who do interesting things and don't struggle to have conversations because they're fighting with their own emotions.
Why did Regulus not see this sooner? Merlin's beard on fire. He's been duped. Regulus has the horrible feeling that this was a team effort. Sirius must have come up with it.
Regulus feels sick.
He should have known it was no coincidence that James finally showed up on the roof a week before the first Quidditch game. And Regulus… he was taken in like a child. All it took was for James to smile. To be all adorable with the Rubik's cube. James with his earnestness and his beautiful, big eyes.
They almost had him.
Almost.
His brother and James are in for a treat. Regulus suspects they're already celebrating their victory. Thinking that Regulus will be distracted by James, or that he might perhaps not try his hardest. Possibly both.
Regulus is going to win this game, and then he's going to disembowel James Potter. Fuck his carefully laid revenge plans. Fuck the order of events. Fuck absolutely everything and everyone that made Regulus soften even a smidge and think that James maybe simply wanted to hang out.
Game on.
He steps outside with his team, looking at the grass still. He won't make eye contact. He won't. They take positions, and he waits for the whistle. When Regulus' foot hits the ground, the impact is so harsh it travels up his ankle and into his knee. He shoots up like an arrow, the wind tangling in his curls. For the first time, Regulus looks around. His team mates are flying into their positions. The Gryffindor team is in the air, too.
Sirius is twirling his bat in his hand, flying in formation next to McKinnon. Regulus finds their seeker, a tall and slim girl called Silverwood. She's a fifth year, Regulus thinks. She's good, but not as good as he is. Gryffindor's only chance is to score enough points before he catches the snitch. Because he will.
Speaking of scoring… there he is. James, flying to every single player on his team for a quick, final word, before joining the Slytherin Captain in the centre of the pitch. Regulus grips his broom so hard his knuckles hurt inside his gloves. What was he thinking?
How did Regulus believe, even for a second, that this guy had any interest in him?
It's laughable, really. But Regulus needs to leave the self-flagellation for later. Because right now, he has to find the snitch.
The whistle goes off.
It's show time.
Regulus soars. He's got the best broom in the market, and it responds to his every whim. He flies above the game, and immediately begins to search for the snitch. It's here, somewhere. And he needs to find it.
He begins a careful lap, eyes darting around the pitch. The game is moving quickly. James and his chasers are in possession, and they pass the Quaffle between them like the Slytherin players trying to block aren't even there. Regulus doesn't want to be impressed, but he is. He turns, flying in the opposite direction so he doesn't have to watch James score the first goal of the game.
The comentator seems to have a crush on James, too. He just won't shut up about how brilliant he is. It's making Regulus want to stuff cotton in his ears so he's spared the hysterics. James scores, and the stands go wild. Regulus sighs, then redoubles his efforts.
Find the snitch.
Sirius and McKinnon are doing some strange manoeuvre where Sirius has somehow ended up with both bats. He hits the two bludgers at the same time, catching the Slytherin beaters by surprise. One of them is knocked off his broom. Regulus is annoyed, but he forces himself to ignore this.
His priority is the snitch.
Regulus keeps looking. James scores three more goals. Sirius and McKinnon successfully stop Slytherin chasers from passing the Quaffle by aiming bludgers with deadly precision. Regulus is getting increasingly angry. The Gryffindor team is too good.
He doesn't stop. Doesn't give up. The snitch is here, somewhere. He'll find it.
He flies, and flies. Searches everywhere.
Where the fuck is it?
Two hours later, Regulus still hasn't found the snitch. This is unprecedented. He's frustrated. He's sweating, and so fucking angry. The game has been going on for so long his legs are cramping on the broom and he's exhausted.
The snitch seems to have disappeared. The other seeker hasn't seen it, either, which doesn't make Regulus feel any better about his failure, but it doesn't make him feel any worse, either.
The Slytherin team gets progressively angrier, which isn't helping anybody. They've already made two fouls bad enough that Hooch awarded Gryffindor penalties. Penalties that James doesn't miss. Obviously.
James is on fire. He's scored so many goals that Slytherin is never going to catch up. If they score one more, Regulus cannot catch the snitch without the game going to Gryffindor. This is a nightmare.
Regulus tries going low, in case the snitch is flying near the ground. He's never taken this long to find it. Above him, Greengrass scores a goal for Slytherin. The Gryffindor chasers retaliate. A player that's not James scores a goal for Gryffindor following a brilliant pass by James. Regulus groans, pulls up. The snitch isn't down here.
Shit.
Finally.
Regulus spots it. After all this time, he gets the first glimpse of the small, golden ball. The little shit is flying right next to Sirius's head, who hasn't seen it because he's tracking a bludger that's following James. Regulus doesn't hesitate. He flies up, straight towards his brother. He's flying very fast. He's going to get it, but it's most likely going to cause him to crash into his brother. Does he care? Not particularly, not. Regulus hopes it doesn't hurt much.
James Potter scores a goal.
Regulus is hurtling towards Sirius at breakneck speed. Regulus is so fucking angry. If he catches the snitch now, Gryffindor will win. But if he lets it go after spotting it, James and Sirius will think that he did it on purpose. Won't they? They'll think that he gave it up for them, because their ruse worked and he's crushing on James.
Regulus doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to lose, but he wants James and Sirius to think their stupid little plan worked even less.
He's still flying faster than he should. Sirius turns his head and sees him. His eyes widen in shock. Understanding. They're going to crash.
And then, they're not. A Gryffindor chaser that's not James or the girl cuts in front of him suddenly, and Regulus' reflexes have him pulling his broom up to avoid the crash. His stomach complains, but he can't lose focus because he's losing control. Regulus swears out loud, gripping the broom handle hard. One of his hands fails him, cramping. And he's dangling from his broom, hanging on with a single arm for a few seconds while his broom spins on itself.
Fucking hell.
Regulus manages to climb back onto his broom, heaving.
The snitch has gone. Regulus breathes in deeply, tries to get his bearings. He feels a little dizzy.
"Black, you okay?" Hooch asks.
He nods, gives her a thumbs up.
There's shouting somewhere on the pitch, and when Regulus looks he finds James Potter going absolutely ballistic at the chaser that just fouled Regulus. It's odd, seeing James having a massive go at his own team. Regulus can't make out his exact words, but he's obviously fuming.
Sirius flies up to him, cutting his line of sight to James and the chaser. They don't say anything. Just look at each other. Two brothers on different teams. There's a question in Sirius' eyes that Regulus doesn't acknowledge.
He flies away and goes back to searching for the snitch. His team have to pull their weight and score more goals. His job is to find the snitch and catch it. That's what he's going to do.
In the time it takes him to find it again, James scores twice more. He missed another two, which is very rare because James never misses, but at this point it doesn't really matter. Gryffindor is way ahead.
Regulus dives for the snitch. The Gryffindor seeker has seen it too, so it's a race for it. She's right behind him. Her broom isn't as good, so Regulus will win the race. Even if it means Slytherin loses. Regulus has no choice. His team will lose, but he will not allow Gryffindor to walk away with the 150 points from the snitch, too. Absolutely fucking not.
Regulus tilts his broom and goes full speed in a vertical drop that makes him feel every inch of his body. Alive. Glorious. Weightless and powerful and in this one moment he hopes James is watching because Regulus feels unstoppable. If he could be like this all the time, he'd have no doubt that James could be attracted to him.
If he could be like this all the time, James would be eating out of the palm of his hand.
Regulus catches the snitch. Ends the game. Gryffindor won. Regulus looks up and finds James' cheeks flushed and staring at him like he just hung the moon in the sky… And suddenly, Regulus doesn't know what to think. He's not sure this was a ruse, but he's not sure it wasn't.
The Gryffindor common room is full to bursting. Everyone and their mother is here. Gryffindor kids have invited close friends from other houses, so there's a few Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff students, too.
To James' shock and secret delight, there's also one Slytherin. Only one, and she's allowed here because Marlene is still twirling her bat in her hand and swinging it threateningly every time someone so much as breathes wrong in their direction.
Peter and Remus snuck drinks in while the Quidditch team was packing the gear ahead of coming up for the party, so there's beer (the muggle kind, with alcohol) and firewhisky flowing. There's music, too.
James hasn't had a moment to catch his breath. Everyone has something to say to him, and he's honestly living for the attention. His team did brilliantly, and he's so proud of them—which he tells everyone—and this win reaffirms what he already knew. This year, they're unstoppable.
He shakes hands, recounts particularly good goals, lets people hug him. He cheers, and toasts, and celebrates. It's about an hour and a half of that before people are either too drunk to actively come talk to him, or they already did so won't come back to James.
Sirius floats around the room, going from group to group to subtly keep the hype up. He also has his bat with him still, which people love. Right now, he's got it slung across both his shoulders, hands up and trapped in it. He's talking to Remus, who's leaning against the wall with a bottle of muggle beer dangling from his fingers. Sirius is a little tipsy by now, and his cheeks are flushed as he speaks to Remus.
James smiles to himself as Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here beings playing. Remus tilts his head almost like he's catching the sound, and when he recognises the music his eyes widen and he smiles. Sirius immediately drops the bat, puts it against the wall. He braces his arm next to Remus, leans in closer and James can see him singing.
And then Remus is moving his lips, too. Tracing the words without actually saying them because Remus can't carry a tune in a bucket (James is equally bad at singing but he's shameless and does it anyway). James watches his friends sing to each other about souls lost like fishes in a swimming bowl and wonders what it will take to bring them together the way they both want.
He smiles, because it'll happen. It has to. Eventually.
The bottle of beer is cold in his hand, and tastes wonderful as he takes a sip.
Peter is dancing with Olive, one of James' chasers. Marlene and Dorcas Meadowes are chatting, sharing a sofa by the fireplace. Dorcas is wearing muggle clothes, which is smart, because it's not immediately obvious she's a Slytherin. Mary and Lily are nearby, casually talking but also keeping an eye on them.
James is happy. He's with the people he loves and everyone is celebrating.
How I wish… how I wish you were here.
James does. But he knows it's stupid, because Regulus lost today and if it was James he'd be sulking in his room. Regulus played beautifully. He flies like he does everything else, with grace and poise. Even when Allan cut him off—Allan insists he thought Regulus was attacking Sirius because he hadn't noticed the snitch—Regulus recovered swiftly and elegantly.
James wishes he could be here. He wishes he could do what Marlene is doing with Dorcas. Just… bring him here. Talk. Share a drink. That's all James wants, he tells himself.
The music changes, and James remains where he is, watching his people, smiling. Mind drifting off to places it shouldn't go. Peter and Olive are still dancing, which bodes well for his friend. He says something to her and she laughs so hard there's a tear on the corner of her eye. Sirius and Remus are now by the bucket of beers, plucking fresh bottles out of the melting ice. Sirius shows off by popping the cap open with his teeth.
James pushes himself off the wall and goes to join them, because his bottle is empty. He's almost by his friends when Bohemian Rhapsody begins playing. Sirius loses his collective shit immediately. He yelps, thrusts his beer towards Remus, who grabs it without batting an eye, and jumps up on the nearest table.
Sirius is already mouthing the lyrics when he lands on top of the table. No time to waste.
All eyes turn to him. Sirius knows every word to this song. The backing vocals, too. He starts slow, swinging his hips because the intro is so dramatic and tantalising. He's changed out of his Quidditch gear, because he's Sirius Black and he will not miss an opportunity to put on his leather jacket. That's what he's sporting—together with jeans hung low and a white t-shirt.
He's singing, perfectly in sync with the music.
"Doesn't really matter to me…" And Sirius brings his arms over his chest.
The entire room watches. Sirius sings, and you would be forgiven for thinking that he's the original performer of this song for how passionately he goes for it. Freddy Mercury is one of Sirius' idols, and James honestly doesn't understand how his friend hasn't yet realised that he's queer. But whatever. Sirius can be a little unaware at times.
"Carry on… carry on…" Sirius hits the notes effortlessly, beautifully.
He's got the entire room eating out of the palm of his hand. Next to James, two girls sigh so loud his eyes dart to them for a second. James shakes his head, amused. Then looks for Remus. And Remus oh. Bless him. Remus is transfixed. He's frozen. He's not even blinking, just watching Sirius launch into an air-guitar solo, knees bent and head thrown back.
Remus' hands are twitching a little, and James knows the feeling. He has the same reaction when Regulus is explaining to him how to work the Rubik's cube. The twitching is from the effort it takes not to reach out and touch. Take. Feel.
The air guitar solo ends and there are a few seconds of a piano that alert everyone to what's coming next.
"Marlene!!!" Sirius shouts. And the blond girl flies through the room to jump on the table with him just in time to join in and perform together.
Dorcas hurries forward, because she very clearly does not want to miss this. Marlene turns to Sirius, and they bounce the sentences off each other like they practice this sort of shit.
"I see a little silhouette of a man!" Marlene sings.
"Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango!" Sirius replies.
"Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening me!" This one is together.
Sirius and Marlene crouch on the table and alternate getting up for every Galileo in the song, which earns them laughs from the crowd. And then Sirius is just a poor boy, and Marlene is the backup vocals, and James doesn't know whether to look at them enacting this over the top interpretation or at Dorcas and Remus who are both seconds away from a heart attack.
The air guitar is back, and Marlene and Sirius are going for it. Hair flying, arms 'playing,' knees bent, and bodies thrown back. And then the song is ending, and nothing really matters, James knows. Nothing matters but the way Sirius' eyes find Remus, or how he drops to his knees on the table and winks at him when it's all over.
The room erupts into cheers and applause, and Marlene and Sirius—who's back on his feet—bow to their audience. Dorcas is beaming so hard she's lighting up the room, and when Marlene jumps off the table, she rushes forward and begins gushing about how amazing that was, and how talented Marlene is, and honestly Gryffindor parties are so much more fun because she doesn't know a single Slytherin that would ever do that.
"You alright?" James grabs a bottle of beer and nudges Remus with his elbow.
Remus closes his mouth. Blinks. Looks at him. "Yeah." He straightens. Frowns a little. "Of course I'm alright."
Sirius appears out of nowhere, and tackles James into a hug. He laughs, throws his arms around his best friend. "What a game! What a party!"
"Moony, come here," Sirius says, and then he's hugging Remus and Remus is hugging him back. Their werewolf friend dips his face a little, hiding in the crook of Sirius' neck and James sees the gesture for what it is. A small indulgence that Remus is allowing himself because he just got through that performance without passing out and that deserves some reward.
James melts into the crowd. Hesitates. He could join Lily and Mary. Or go talk to anyone on his team. Frankly, with the exception of Pete and Olive, Marlene and Dorcas, or Sirius and Remus, James could go talk to just about anyone.
But he doesn't want to. The person James wants to talk to isn't here. And James… well. The party's been on for a while. People are a bit drunk.
He slips away, up the stairs. Into his room. He grabs his broom and zooms out the window without looking back.
Regulus is on the roof because he is one hundred percent certain that James won't come tonight. He's in the Gryffindor common room celebrating the win with his team.
Regulus has been chain-smoking for about two hours now. He's burnt through his pack way too quickly. Considering he won't allow James on this roof again, he's going to regret this tomorrow. But what is he supposed to do? The Slytherin Captain had the audacity to have a go at him for catching the snitch. The fact that the Gryffindor seeker was a few seconds behind Regulus and would have caught it herself if he'd missed didn't register, but then again Regulus knows his Captain is a brainless idiot so he can't expect actual thoughts from him.
Regulus scoffs. It's a clear night, the moon beginning to wane. It was full on Thursday, and on that night Regulus—like the fool he is—had thought that it was a shame James was missing it, because it was honestly incredibly beautiful.
Regulus finds Sirius in the sky out of habit, or because he's a masochist. He isn't sure at this point. He narrows his eyes at it, channelling all his hurt and rage to that one star. The brightest. Always best. Always more. Always all the things Regulus will never be. "I hope you're fucking happy."
"Black?"
He startles so hard the cigarette drops, burning a hole through his pants. "Fuck!" Regulus yelps, shaking his leg to get the cigarette away. His skin is throbbing a little where the head of the cigarette burnt him, but he's had way worse. And he's sure Dorcas will be able to fix his trousers.
Now, to deal with the intruder. When Regulus looks up, James is staring at him wide-eyed.
Regulus didn't see him coming because he didn't climb through the window. James is on his broom, hovering near Regulus. He's still in his Quidditch gear, which is criminal. Regulus hates the way the pants cling to his frankly stupidly thick thighs. Who needs thighs that thick? What are they for? Honestly. Someone tell him the fucking point of those legs right now so that he can stop wondering and staring and salivating.
"Are you alright?"
Regulus' eyes snap up. The audacity of this boy! "You can fuck right off, Potter."
"Oh," James says softly. His shoulders hunch a little bit. "I'm sorry?"
Regulus does a double take, then gapes at him. He's sorry? What?
James shakes his head, but it looks like he's doing it more in response to himself than to Regulus' reaction.
"Well, no. I'm not sorry we won. We played very well, and we deserved the win. But I'm sorry you lost, I guess. This is weird. This has never happened before," James says, sounding a little bewildered.
Regulus, who still doesn't understand absolutely anything, can only scowl. "This?"
Regulus doesn't know what else to say. He wants Potter to leave him alone. Never to come here to this roof again. He wants. Regulus doesn't know what he wants. Or he does, but he's not willing to admit it to himself. Not when there's a good chance James is only here to gloat. Regulus will not enable this. Not at his expense.
"Potter, genuinely, fuck off," Regulus says.
"I get it. I do. I'm in a shit mood when we lose, too." James sighs, runs a hand through his hair. "This is complicated."
"Stop saying 'this' like it means anything," Regulus snaps.
"Oh," James says. "I just mean that I've never cared about someone on the opposite team before."
Regulus feels the world crack open under him. Or maybe it's just his brain exiting his skull. Because James didn't just say that. Except he did. Regulus heard it with own two ears. He's not… James just fucking went and said it. Zero hesitation. No self-consciousness.
"You what?" the words fall from Regulus' lips without his permission. They're weak, and soft, and all the things Regulus is not. But Regulus is hanging by a thread, stretched so thin he's about to snap and then what?
He needs this to start making sense immediately, or he's going to do something fucking stupid.
"I said," James enunciates clearly. Slowly. He even raises his voice a little, like he's making a point. "That I care about you and how you feel. And you play for the team that lost today. So, I'm sorry for that, even though I'm very glad that my team won."
Regulus gets on his feet, shaking his head. "No."
"No?"
He's tearing at the seams. Unravelling. Reguls can feel it in the way his blood is rushing, pounding in his ears. The way his hands want to twitch but he won't let them because he can't let James see. His throat is tight, and his chest is taut like a bowstring and Regulus will just not accept this.
He glares at James, trying to hang on to the hatred. He hates this boy. He likes him, yes, is attracted to him, also yes. But Regulus hates him.
"No. You don't care. You can't care," Regulus says. His hands are shaking now, he's lost the battle. So he puts them in his pockets to buy himself time. He needs to get off the roof. Right now. "And I will not let you fuck with me any longer. This ends right now. Or I will hurt you, Potter."
He steps forward and James moves his broom to intercept his escape. "Wait. Black, wait."
He darts sideways, tries to get away. His foot almost slips on the roof, but he clings to his balance. Takes a step. James moves again, blocking him.
Regulus almost snarls. "Leave me alone."
"Regulus."
And that. He has never heard anyone say his name like that. It's a little desperate but also gentle. Caring. Like his name is to be savoured. It roots him to the spot. Makes him falter. He turns, faces James.
I hate James Potter.
I have a crush on James Potter.
"I will leave if that's what you want," James says firmly. "But I want to know why. We were having a good time up here before. So if you're uspet the team lost, I get that, and I'll leave you alone tonight."
"No. Leave me alone for good," Regulus bites out.
"I'm going to need some context for that, because I really don't want to do it," James says. "So. Why? What happened?"
Regulus needs to leave. He has to, because he's forgetting the reasons he hates Potter. He stole his brother. Didn't he? But if he was this nice to Sirius, how could Sirius say no? How can anyone say no to James Potter when he's this precious?
And yet Regulus has to. He has to say no. Because there's no world in which he can… what? Be James' friend? Impossible. He doesn't want that, anyway.
And even if he did. Even if he did… Easter is a few months away. The beginning of the end. The revenge of all revenges. A plan to take down everyone who's ever hurt Regulus. James is on the list. So is Sirius.
"Regulus. Please, tell me why," James says again.
I hate James Potter?
I have a major crush on James Potter.
Regulus lets out a shaky breath. It's a few months. The last few months. And maybe… he wants to know. He wants to know so fucking badly. He can do both things. Be James' pseudo-friend at night, on the roof, away from the world. And carry on with his revenge the rest of the time. James will never know. And nobody else has to know that they're here. This is their place. A small corner of the world he stole for himself. One that James found and now they share. And here, on this roof, at night, it's so easy to pretend.
He can steal this time from the night. From the moon and the stars. Sirius owes him this much, doesn't he?
But if Regulus is going to risk this, he has to know. He's not like Dorcas. He has to be certain that there's something happening here. That he's not taking an uncalculated risk. So, he answers James.
"Because I don't believe that you give a damn about me," Regulus deadpans.
James frowns, alarmed. "Why?"
Regulus raises an eyebrow, gives him a pointed look.
And James smiles. "Ah. Well." He brings a hand up, to the back of his neck. He looks adorable. Regulus wants to hate it, but he can't. "You see, the thing is that I shouldn't care," James says softly. "But I'm an idiot, Regulus. I do things I shouldn't all the time."
Regulus chokes on his breath. His chest hurts. It's new, and terrifying. He's not sure what's happening. The only thing he knows for sure is that if James keeps saying his name, he's going to have to fling himself off the roof and into the lake because he simply cannot deal with it. With the things that it does to him.
"What do you want, Potter?"
"Right now?"
Regulus nods. That's not what he means, but also, he's terrified of the fact that James seems happy to answer his questions honestly. He's not ready for the real answer. The full one. So, he nods.
James extends his hand, still on his broom, hovering over the roof. He says, "Let me take you for a ride."
And he's helpless. Hopeless. Too curious to stay back. Too tempted by the possibility that this could be happening. And he gets it, a little bit, what Dorcas meant. Because James has told him, to his face, that he cares. Regulus still doesn't believe him, but what if?
And that's… well. What if?
So, he takes James' hand.