I look down at the fresh cuts on my left wrist. Six perfect slashes all lined up. I can see they are trying to bleed but the water from the shower head washes the blood away instantly. I am in a trance as I watch the water hit the cuts and stop the blood from traveling far down my arm. How long have I been in here? Should the cuts still be bleeding?

It must have been quite a long time because I hear a knock and the voice of a concerned Stef.

"You okay, sweets?"

I am afraid to speak because I know that my voice will most likely crack. With all the confidence I can muster up I shout. "Yup, I am almost done." I hope there is enough confidence in my voice to keep her satisfied.

I haven't actually done anything other than cut so I hurriedly wash my hair and clean myself up. I shut the water off and hear shuffling outside. I know they are right out the door. I start to panic. Do they know what I am doing? I notice the bleeding has mostly subsided apart from an occasional drop. I clean the remaining blood and wrap myself up in my towel. I quickly grab some Band-Aids and put them on the marks just in case. I don't want to accidentally drip blood anywhere and cause suspicion. If they are right out the door I have to be careful. I hold my left arm close to my body with my wrist pressed against the towel. I decide to use that hand to hold the towel together so I have an excuse not to move that arm.

I quietly leave the bathroom and begin to walk towards my room. Lena and Stef come out of their bedroom, that I know they just returned to, and give me a look. I can't tell what they want, so I wait.

"You okay?" Lena asks cautiously.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I regretted it after it left my mouth because now I have caused them to think deeper about their concern for me.

Stef looks up at me as if I am crazy for actually asking that question. "Well, you barely ate or talked at dinner, you escaped the room quickly after Jude's comment, looked at Lena with pleading eyes at the top of the steps, then stood in the kitchen for thirty minutes staring at the ground. You begin to leave once we finally speak up, then something made you stop and run back while you then proceed to hold onto us like your life depended on it. You make another excuse and run upstairs to lock yourself in the bathroom for forty-five minutes. It makes sense that we are considered love."

Why did I ask them that question? I look down, not sure what to say.

I hear Lena's voice, "You need to talk to us honey."

"Guys, I am standing in the middle of the hallway dripping wet with a towel wrapped around me. Can I please put clothes on".

"Sure sweets," Stef says reluctantly. "But, when you are done come find us."

"I actually have some homework that I need to do and I am not sure how long it will take, but it is due tomorrow so I have to get it done."

"Alright, well go get ready for bed and do homework. We will come in and check on you in a little while." I hold my groan and the urge to mumble, "Of course you will." I know they say goodnight to everyone every night but still, right now it seems more of a burden.

I slowly walk to my room and let out a deep breath I didn't know I was holding. I look over to see Mariana texting. What am I supposed to do now, what if she sees the cuts?

Mariana and I have gotten used to changing in front of each other since we have been in a room together for four months. I feel my wrist brush up against the towel and start to panic. I can't let go, she will see my cuts. I start thinking of a way out of this situation.

I am interrupted by my thoughts when I hear Mariana state, "Since when did you get self conscious? Come on Cal's, it's me, you have changed in front of me like twenty billion times." I look at her and slowly nod. I can tell she is confused by my actions because they are so out of character. She doesn't press for more information though, she just smiles and continues texting.

Out of all the Fosters I am pretty sure Mariana is the one I have let get the closest to me. I of course didn't tell her anything but she understands what it is like to be in a house that isn't of your biological parents. We have connected in that way and we have grown to really love each other.

I turn around and quickly change, making sure my wrist is always pointing away from Mariana. I silently curse myself for cutting my wrists. It is really hot outside and I have to wear a long sleeve shirt for the next few weeks. Great. I decide that I will get Mariana excited about a shopping trip and buy tons of bracelets to die the suspicion down a little. I should have cut on my thighs or at least my stomach. Some spot that couldn't be seen as easily. Although for some reason, it doesn't feel the same to cut in other spots. It almost feels like it doesn't work as well unless it is on my wrist.

I sit on my bed with my shorts and long sleeve shirt. I pull out my homework and start working on math. I start to get hot and groan.

"Hey Mari, can I turn the fan on?" I ask casually.

"Sure, but why are you wearing a long sleeve if it's so hot out?"

"It is just a really comfortable shirt, it helps me sleep." I wonder if she will by that. She smiles as I stand up to turn on the fan.

I hear the door open and look over to see Stef and Lena. They are relentless but so kind and considerate.

"Hey Moms," says Mariana.

Stef sits next to her and drapes her arm around her shoulder. "Hey love bug. Wow, guys it is hot in here." She looks over at me and notices what I am wearing, looking puzzled. I see Lena walk over and sit on my bed.

"What are you working on Callie?" she asks scooting closer. I feel myself start to panic. It makes me nervous knowing she is this close after what I just did. I put on a fake smile.

"Oh just some math, nothing too much fun." I say playfully hoping to hide my hesitation. She looks over to the journal from Timothy's class.

"Is this the journal you have to write in to help brainstorm for your project?" I quickly go to grab the journal and my sleeve pulls up a little bit. I panic as I look at her and see the color leave her face. Did she just see my wrist? Band-Aids are normal right? She could just think I got a scrape.

"Sorry, it is just I haven't decided what I was going to write about yet, so I don't want anyone to read anything until it is done."

"Sure sweetheart." Lena's tone was off. I don't think I am the only one who notices this because Stef suddenly looks at Lena and they talk silently through their eyes. Kind of like Jude and I.

She must have seen the bandages. Why isn't she saying anything? I sneak a look up at Stef who is staring at me intently. My guess is Lena told Stef something was wrong with me and Stef was trying to figure out what. She slowly smiles and looks down to Mariana.

"How about you Miss. Thing? What are you up to?"

"Oh, I am just texting Lexi."

"No homework?"

"Already finished it at school." She looks up at her mom proud of herself for being so efficient. I look back to Lena staring at me. Why is she giving me puppy eyes. I just want to look at her and shout, "Stop!"

Instead, I feel myself gravitate towards her. I am not sure why I do this, but I slowly end up shoulder to shoulder leaning into her body. It is like a silent plea for help and comfort. So subtle. To everyone else it looks natural but to me it is a huge deal. Lena and Stef know that I am speaking without my words. Silently desiring to be close.

When Lena notices my closeness she suddenly snaps back into reality. She starts to leave obviously concerned about what she just saw on my wrist. I begin to feel desperate. Desperate because I don't want her to leave me as well as because I know that she will go and tell Stef what she thinks she just saw. I carefully grab her arm, without anyone noticing, and pull her so she won't move. She looks down at me with worry. Stef and Mariana hadn't noticed any of this as they are engrossed in deep conversation.

She stays next to me and I look into her eyes. I know she can see the plea in my eyes for her not to move. She cups my face and kisses my head. She moves back to where she was sitting. I realize she is half off of the bed so I scoot over to make room. I look up at her and see a real smile on her face. After she is comfortable, I lay back and snuggle into her. Her hand is on her knee. I slowly reach for it with my right hand and lace her fingers into mine. I don't even look up. I just grab her hand and stay like that.

I look over to Stef who is watching us now. Mariana has begun obliviously texting away. I know Stef is curious but I can tell she doesn't want to interrupt this odd exchange between Lena and I. I look back up to Lena with another plea to stay. She puts her mouth to my ear and says, "I am not going anywhere". I visibly relax, which I know she and Stef both notice, and make myself comfortable. We are still holding hands and it is fine by me.

After about ten minutes of silence I hear whispering and see Mariana stop playing on her phone to leave the room. I am still looking down, refusing to look up, afraid of what is coming. After she shuts the door I can see Stef from the corner of my eye slowly get up to move my homework off of my bed. I can't see Stef anymore without moving my head which I refuse to do. I feel the bed shift and see a pair of legs criss crossed directly in front of me.

I feel Lena squeeze my hand to try and get my attention. I don't move. Maybe I could pull off sleeping? I refuse to look up.

"Love, what are you thinking about?" I can't actually see Stef but I can picture the exact face she is making at me right now.

I don't move. I am hoping that if I just don't talk they will stop trying to get me to. Stef may be stubborn but I bet I can be ten times more stubborn than her.

"Sweets, I am begging you, look at me." I scoot closer into Lena and feel Stef sigh. Did that hurt Stef? I am not trying to pull away from her, I am just trying to pull away from talking and she is the one who is talking. It is not personal. I hope she knows that.

"Honey, can you look at us? We need to talk. We need you to tell us what is going on." Lena says softly.

"We will stay here until you talk to us love. This is not healthy and we are beginning to really worry."

I pick my head up, but don't make eye contact. Stef cups my face and gets like three inches away from my face. I still haven't made eye contact. She waits. I finally look up and see her eyes. So many emotions going through them at once that I get confused as I try to study her. She looks confused as well and I bet my eyes are doing the exact same thing that hers are.

"Please don't." I whisper.

"Don't what love?" Stef whispers back to me. She is still cupping my face. I think she is afraid to move thinking I will clam up again. Which is probably true.

"Care."

"Baby, we will always care. We love you so much. You are one of our babies. You always will be. Why do you not want us to care, bug? What is causing you to not want to be close to us?" What is this talk of being there's? I am here temporarily.

"I'm not yours, Stef. Don't you see. I am only here temporarily. How am I supposed to let you in, to only lose you again. Both of you." I take Lena's hand that is in mine and put it in the air. "This is already too much. I have let you both comfort me too much. I can't lose more people. If you care about me you will let me go. Besides, I am not worth the trouble."

Lena slowly releases my hand and stands up. I begin to feel so alone. Is she mad? Does she finally realize I am not worth it? Stef moves over and Lena sits next to her. She re-grabs my hand and says, "I want to see your face baby. Stef and I love you. We were going to tell you and Jude tonight after dinner that we wanted to adopt you both but we decided that it might not be the best night after Jude's comment affected you so much."

I look up at her. "You are lying." Stef sighs and stands up. She walks out of the room and I get confused. I look at Lena as she smiles. Apparently she knows exactly what Stef is doing.

"Sweetheart, did you hurt your arm?" She says reaching for my left arm.

"Uh yeah, just a stupid little scrape. I can be clumsy sometimes." I say moving my arm away quickly. I know she is unconvinced but doesn't push it when Stef comes back into the room. She hands me a stack of papers.

"What are these?"

"Look at them sweets. You tell me."

I study them carefully. Adoption papers. Everything is completely filled out and ready. A court date is set for Monday.

"Is this real?"

"Of course it is Callie girl."

"Oh."

"Oh?", Lena questions. "Do you want to get adopted Callie?"

I look up to Lena and then over to Stef. I smile, really big and genuine.

"Yes. More than you could know." I can't stop smiling. I feel tears in my eyes. I can't help it. I start sobbing. I feel both Stef and Lena wrap me up as I cry. I begin crying so hard that I don't think I will ever stop. I start rubbing my eyes, clearly exhausted. Someone shifts so that I am laying down on top of them. I hear the door open and close. I am not sure who is still with me. Usually I can tell who it is by their body shape, clothes, and scent but I am hysterically crying and start to feel sleep overcome me. I hear a voice say, "Shhh.. You are safe. You are ours. Sleep my sweet girl." With that, I fall fast asleep in one of my new Mothers arms.