Not Letting Go
Sometime in the evening, Juliet heard someone knocking the door. She was drinking some coffee, so after placing it over the table, she got up and went to check outside. Once there, she saw Jack standing on the porch. He seemed distressed.
"Can I come in?" Jack asked, with a gentle tone.
She gave him space to walk in, as she spoke, without expressing anger or relief to see him. "James is not here, if you're looking for him"
"There's something I have to tell him, but I wanted to talk with you too" he said, as he entered the house.
"Do you want some coffee?" Juliet asked. She was still holding some anger after their last encounter, for not helping her to fix Ben, but after several hours and a nap, a feeling of calm reached her. She had time to think things through, and it also hadn't been easy for her to learn that a young Ben Linus was living in Dharmaville at this time.
Jack nodded, before turning to the living room. "Have a seat" she added, pointing to the couch, next to the lamp.
Juliet went to the kitchen, grabbed a second cup, and started to prepare the coffee. "What do you want to talk about?"
"How did it go?" Jack asked, referring to James and Kate's trip to the Others' territory. He was already sitting on the couch, below a painting hanging on the wall.
She got out of the kitchen for a little while so she wouldn't have to raise her voice. "They left him with them... He's going to live" she said, before turning back. "Didn't she tell you?"
"We barely talk lately..." Jack admitted.
Then, she came back, and passed him the cup of coffee. "Thanks" he said.
She sat on the armchair that was close to the kitchen. "What happened between you two? She only told me that you were engaged" Juliet questioned, before taking a sip of coffee. This was a question that had been wandering on her mind since Kate's revelation.
"It just didn't work..."
"How come?"
"You asked why I came back.. I'm not good at letting go. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't let go of this place. The guilt was eating me alive... Did you know Hurley was in a psychiatric hospital because we lied?" Jack asked.
She shook her head. It was stunning, but she still wanted to listen to the rest. There was no need to interrupt.
"I got paranoid... I got lost... Living with Kate and Aaron, having a life like if nothing ever happened... Hurley saying that we needed to come back, reminding me of Charlie, Claire... Everyone... We were almost fifty survivors, and I promised each one of them that we would get out of the island... But in the end..." Jack stated, with a serious tone. He chose not to tell about his suicide attempt after learning of Locke's death. Nor the hallucinations. Nor the oxycodone addiction. Instead, he went straight to the reasons behind his depression.
"What happened here with the rest of the survivors was an accident... Nobody knew that we would be attacked by the Others in 1954... You can't blame yourself for that" Juliet said, trying to comfort him.
"It was more than that... I got out alive, and they didn't... I failed them... I failed everyone... Even you" Jack sounded regretful.
"I told you... We didn't need saving... You didn't fail me" Juliet replied.
"What about your sister? It's 1977... There's no way you can see her again now... But if you had been in that copter..." Jack pondered.
"I had to give it up... We were stuck here indefinitely, so we had to move on..."
"But I didn't know that... What would have you done in my place? If I stayed... and you left..." Jack questioned.
Juliet knew it was a hard question. Truth is, she didn't know the answer. During the three years she spent at the barracks, all she wanted was to return home. But after meeting Jack and his group things changed for her. If she had left them behind, it would have been very hard. She would have made sure to order a search party to look for the island, wherever it moved.
"I don't know... Maybe I wouldn't have lied like you did... I know it must have been hard for you... But that doesn't explain why you were willing to let a child die, even if he is Ben..." Juliet answered. She wanted to understand his reasons.
"You saved him... And now he's not going to remember what happened... He didn't need me" Jack said, unconcerned, finishing his coffee.
"Is that what you were supposed to do then? Leave it to us?" Juliet retorted.
"Looks like... You know my life... Everything I did was fail... My marriage, my relationship with my father... All the patients I couldn't fix... The survivors of the flight, being with Kate... I failed because I cared too much... I didn't have what it takes... I was broken, and the only place that could fix me was this island..." Jack said, with pain on his voice. He was opening up to someone after a long time.
"So you gave up..." Juliet assumed, sadly.
"Do you remember what you said that night, after the appendectomy?" she nodded. "You were wrong... I was just avoiding commitment... Truth is... I'm not meant to be with someone, have a family... I wasn't cut out for it..." Jack said, saddened.
"I'm sorry if I pushed you..." Juliet said, regretful.
"I pushed myself... Because I loved you... And I did the same with Kate... for the same reasons..." Jack admitted out loud. He meant it. It's not like he chose Kate because he loved her more than anything. If he had chosen Juliet, then Kate would have felt bad, and he couldn't hurt her. He was in a no win situation, and did what he thought was right. Two years later, he ended up prioritizing the island over Kate, and left anyway. She didn't feel the same way he did, about Aaron, and all the people who stayed on the island. She wasn't broken. And for him, that was enough to split.
Juliet was surprised by his words. He just said that he loved her. Back then she didn't believe it, but now she knew he was telling the truth. "Why say it now?"
"Because you were right... I owe you the truth..." Jack blurted, simply. Juliet's previous outburst had taken its toll on him. Three years ago, they relied on each other. They had the same feelings, similar life experiences, both hated Ben, and both desperately wanted to leave the island. But when she saved his life during the surgery, he let her down. And then, he left her behind.
Juliet didn't know what else to say. There was a hidden pain and remorse in Jack's face, and only now she sensed it. Since he returned, she never saw him crack a smile. And she knew very well how his smile looked. "I hope you can find a way to be happy, Jack... Don't lose hope yet..."
He subtly decided to change the subject. "I know you were happy here... It was hard to get it at first, but then I realized that if someone could straighten up James, it would be you..."
She let out a grin. "He needed stability... Same as me"
Jack nodded. "Still, we don't belong here... There has to be a way to get back to our time... Sun was in our plane, and she knows that Jin is alive... Their daughter is under her grandmother's care, waiting for her parents... And they're all apart now"
Juliet then remembered the time she made the eco to Sun. Looked like she came back looking for Jin, so they could be a family, but now everything was a mess. Seemingly Sun wasn't brought to 1977.
"Daniel was supposed to investigate and find a way back to our time... But so far, there was no progress" Juliet responded.
"What about the Orchid? Locke did something there, maybe if..."
Juliet shook her head and interrupted him. "The Orchid is still in construction, and the well where John fell is tapped... James talked to Richard once, and he said that we were stuck for the time being... We have to keep waiting here..."
"Until everything falls apart... The other reason why I came here is to warn you about Roger... He suspects Kate" Jack retorted, trying to sound calm.
"Why?"
"She tried to comfort him about Ben, but Roger got the hint... I dissuaded him, but if the kid doesn't show up soon, things will get out of control" Jack answered.
Juliet sighed. All the times Kate had to maintain a cover up for herself, and this was the only time her morality overcame her. "It's funny how she slipped on this... It's not like her at all... Maybe she changed more than you think"
"Certainly she chose a bad time to change..." Jack said. Sometimes he wished she could have been different in the past. Her life was a turmoil, and she had the chance to set things straight. No matter how much he insisted on not raising Aaron, she remained firm on her stand. And one day, several months after their break up, she suddenly appears and agrees to go back to the island. She changed whenever she wanted, without caring how it affected him.
Juliet smiled. For the first time Jack seemed to see Kate in the way she did. He probably still loved her, but it wasn't the blind, irrational love of three years ago. Now he got things clearer.
"Do you know why she decided to return?"
"She begged me not to ask... I guess it had to do with Aaron" Jack responded.
"Then maybe she felt guilty too..." Juliet suggested.
Jack was about to respond when suddenly the front door opened.
"James, you're back…" Juliet muttered, still holding the cup of coffee..
"Barely… Ever have one of those days you feel like the little Dutch boy with your finger in the…" James began to say, until a glance of Juliet pointed Jack standing up in the living room. "Doc. Hey. What's going on?"
"Ben's father thinks Kate had something to do with his son going missing" Jack responded simply.
"Why the hell would he think that?" James asked, glancing briefly at Juliet.
"Because she talked to him. Tried to make him feel better" Juliet answered, without interfering with Jack.
"Her heart was in the right place" Jack added, almost smiling. 'This time' he thought.
"Where was her head?" James retorted.
"I had a talk with Roger. I don't think he's going to say anything for now. Just wanted you to know" Jack assured, calmly. Then he approached Juliet, and handed her the empty cup. "Thank you"
Juliet nodded slightly.
"Yeah well… Thanks for filling me in, Doc" James said.
"No problem" Jack uttered, before leaving the house quietly.
James followed Jack to the porch, and stared at him walking away in the darkness of the night. That until Phil coming to him caught his attention.
Juliet headed back to the kitchen, and left Jack's cup in the sink. She turned around to finish her coffee, thinking about her conversation with Jack. Maybe his last months before coming back had been worse than she thought. He wasn't the same man she met three years ago. There was something different. Suddenly, she spotted Phil entering the house, followed by James. This seemed bad.
AN: I consider this the missing piece of the episode Some Like it Hoth. From the first time I saw them, I liked better the relationship between Jack and Juliet. They were pretty similar characters, both doctors, who had failures in life and marriage, and wanted the same things. I don't mean to question James and Juliet, whose connection is special, but at some point, Jack deserved a nice moment with her. Since Something Nice Back Home, Jack had screwed up his both relationships, with Kate, and Juliet (in three years of difference). The storyline took down the character. He lost his purpose, even by getting out the island, and leaving everyone behind. Jack Shephard then returned, and died as a hero in the finale. But I felt that somewhere in the process he needed a moment to open up. And Juliet is the best listener for him. Plus, her outburst in Whatever Happened Happened, couldn't be left without closure.
For the talk, I considered Jack's path in Through the Looking Glass, Lighthouse, Dr Linus. And obviously, his background from White Rabbit, Do No Harm, The Hunting Party, A Tale of Two Cities, etc.
Lost may be way forgotten in modern times, 13 years since the finale. However, the series left a memorable legacy, and will remain in the memories of many people around the world. It's nice to remember every now and then. Thank you for reading.
Disclaimer: Lost an its characters were created by J. J. Abrams, Damon Lindelof, and Jeffrey Lieber. The episode Some Like it Hoth was written by Melinda Hsu Taylor and Gregory Nations.