As soon as I get into the kitchen I slam the door shut. I know Stef is behind me. I know she is going to be angry, I mean I practically slammed the door in her face. I get next to Lena and see she is cutting up broccoli. Where did she get that knife? She is looking at me with wide eyes at what I have just done. I drop her disapproving gaze when we hear the door burst open and slam back shut. It causes us both to jump extremely high. I turn towards Stef and her eyes are flaring with anger. I suddenly feel terrified.
"Did you seriously just slam the door in my face?" She is not yelling but her voice is coated with pure anger and shock which I am pretty sure is worse than when she yells. Her jaw is locked and her body is tense. I never think she will hit me but the look on her face is enough to make me almost regret what I just did, but I decide to stay strong.
"Yes, I did." Did I just say that? I should have said it was the wind. I watch her fists curl up into a ball.
"Stef honey, just relax", Lena is trying to prevent Stef from exploding. I know she is close. I didn't think of the door until I opened it and I thought it would be enough to get her to blow up, but she is still pretty in control right now. Dang she is good. I am pretty sure Stef is frozen in shock and is trying to compose herself because she hasn't moved for about three minutes. I see Lena debating if she should do something or not. I guess she decides she better back Stef up.
"Callie, that was extremely disrespectful and I am very disappointed in what you just did. You are definitely going to be getting more time for your grounding. You owe your mom a serious apology. Stef is the mother and that was completely out of line. We do not tolerate that kind of behavior." I look at her in shock at how intense her voice was. This was not the plan. Stef is supposed to be yelling at me. Lena's disapproving eyes and tone of voice are killing me. I have an idea.
I walk over to Stef and look at her. I keep a pretty good distance between us and say, "I am sorry Stefanie that I slammed the door in your face," Oh god did I just call my mother by her full name? "You can send me to my room if you want. I'll go there for you, by MYSELF. Oh by the way Lena, where did you get that knife? I was looking for them last night." That was too much. Oh Gosh. I wasn't even thinking before the words flew out of my mouth.
I don't look up, I just hear a fist hit the counter. Well Stef cracked.
"Callie Quinn Adams Foster, go to our room NOW!" Stef is looking at me so angrily. I start taking steps back. "I will not tolerate your disrespect. I will not tolerate you using your hardships as ammo to get a reaction out of me. Are you happy I reacted? You are grounded now for another week and you are not getting out of my sight after that comment. And as for slamming the door in my face, welcome to extreme grounding Callie because that is what you got. Come with me." She starts walking up the stairs and I go over to Lena.
"I want Lena" I say firmly. I know it is mean to pick sides but I want Lena right now.
"Callie, I advise you to listen to your mother. You are getting in deeper." I listen to Lena's warning.
"I want you Lena." I look up at her with pleading eyes. I can see her starting to feel bad. For a brief moment I want to call her Mama. Partially because it would be rubbing it in Stef's face, but also because I mean it. I want them to know I see them as my Mom's but I figure now is not the time because it shouldn't be done in negativity.
"Honestly, I don't care what you want right now. You are trying to pit Lena and I against each other and that is NOT okay. Lena and I are always on the same side, so that direction will take you nowhere. You obviously need some time with me because you are not treating me properly. I know what you are doing Callie. You are hurting and you want to get a reaction out of me. You want to see how far you can push me or Lena before we will give up on you. That will never happen. It will just lead to MORE time spent with me because you will be in trouble. If you come with me now I will give you a chance to explain yourself, if you push this more I will send you straight to bed for the night." I weigh my options. I look to Lena who gives me a nod to follow Stef. I sigh heavily and follow her up the steps.
We get into the room and she closes the door. I cross my arms and lean against the wall.
"What do you want from me Stef?" I eye her sternly.
"What do you want from ME Callie? What is going on in your head? Are you afraid we will not want you if you are grumpy and disrespectful? Are you angry we grounded you or just angry in general and not sure where to direct it? What makes you only push me and not Lena? Why are you doing this? I know you wanted me to react strongly. Did you want to see what I would do? I would never hurt you, you know. I am giving you a chance to speak before I talk and it would be in your favor to speak first." She watches me carefully and goes to sit on her bed. "Will you come sit with me please?" I go sit on the bed. Hey, may as well.
"Will you please explain?"
"I don't know Stef, I was just angry. I am angry you pushed my walls down and that you and Lena are two of the people I love most on this planet. That wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to get two new parents" She smiles a little to herself. I know she thinks I didn't see it because I am looking down but I did.
"Baby, do you feel like you need to forcefully push us away every time you let us in as punishment?" Stef asks the wheels in her head starting to turn.
"Yes, because I shouldn't be. Whether you chose to leave me or not, people leave. My mom may have made a stupid decision to get into the car with a drunk driver but she didn't think she would die. Stuff happens Stef. Even if I trust you won't get rid of me, things happen. I can't lose more people. It completely destroyed me. I can't take that chance because honestly, I don't think I would make it. I would probably kill myself if I lost you guys." I look down to the ground. It frightens me to think if anything happened to Stef or Lena what I would do. The pain would be unbearable. I don't think I would stay alive. "I will never stop wanting to be your and Lena's daughter, I am too in love with you guys by now. Every time I let a wall down I feel five more come back up, whether it is intentional or not. I get discouraged with myself for putting them back up, which makes me even more angry. The closer I get to you, the more afraid I am to lose you. I just get so frustrated and confused. I want to let you in completely and love you both as much as I can and at the same time I am terrified and I want to run away and never come back. I can't handle my emotions and then I push. I don't even know why I am saying all of this right now either. I don't understand anything. I mean look at me, now all my walls are back down and were just up two minutes ago. Inside I am screaming to stop and to not let you know this but I love you and don't want you to change your mind before Monday." What am I doing? I look down avoiding Stef's gaze. I am so helpless but they need to know what they are getting.
"Sweets, can you look at me?" I look up at Stef. "We will always want you. You could slam ten doors in my face daily and my love for you would never dwindle. I mean, don't go getting any ideas because I was really mad that you did that but my love doesn't change. You are my daughter. Honestly Callie, I feel like I have been searching for you my entire life." I look up at her with a raised eyebrow. "I love all of my children the same but there is this connection I feel with you that overwhelms me. We are the same person. I understand you completely. I feel this unbreakable bond with you. I feel that with all my children, but I am not sure, there is something special about the one between us. It is very unique and strong that it honestly scares ME sometimes. But I wouldn't change it baby because you were meant for Lena and I." I start to tear up a little. I move near her and she wraps her arms around me.
"Stef?" I say whispering.
"Yes my love?" she whispers back.
"Never leave me okay?" I watch her pull away and cup my face.
"Not even death can part us, my Callie girl. I will never intentionally leave you, but if something were to happen our bond would still stay strong. But I PROMISE to never choose to leave you." With that simple statement I feel the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. I stand up and look at Stef.
"Uhm, I am sorry I slammed the door in your face." I put my face in my hands. "Oh gosh that was so rude, I can't believe I did that!" I raised my voice.
Stef laughed a little bit and said, "Me neither honestly. I almost broke the door down, I will be honest. I know you are still sorry love but you will be punished for that. Let's never do that again, yes?"
"Yes!" The shock in me realizing I just slammed a door in my mothers face. "I can't believe I slammed a door in my mom's face." I freeze when I realize that is the first time I have referred to one of them as my mom in person. I look up to Stef who is looking at me with adoration and I think slight tears in her eyes. It begins to scare me how good it feels to hear that word from my mouth. Especially when it is directed towards Stef or Lena. "Uhm, in YOUR face. Sorry." She smiles at me. She is trying to debate whether to comment or just leave it alone.
She walks over and kisses me repeatedly causing me to laugh. "I am your mom, my sweet Callie. Let's go see Mama, yes?"
"Yes," I smile. Stef holds her hand out for me and I take it smiling. We walk the entire way to the kitchen and walk over to Lena. I try to let go of Stef's hand but she doesn't let me. Lena turns around when she hears us and smiles.
"Made up I see?" Lena looks at us smiling at our tangled hands. I pull away again and practically run to Lena. I wrap my arms around her tight and just hold on. I don't want to let go. I just want her to hold me.
"You okay baby?" She asks while I hold onto her tightly. I just shrug and bury myself further in her arms.
"I just don't want you to let go," I whisper.
"What honey?" Lena says. She tries to pull me back but I hold on tighter. I adjust my head so I am not buried into her shoulder and not making muffled sounds.
"I don't want you to let go." I see Stef give me a sad smile and blow me a kiss.
"Never, baby." I feel Lena guiding us backwards never letting go and we end up in the kitchen nook. She pulls me down with her and I readjust so I am practically on top of her, but still am sitting by myself. I lay my head on her chest and listen to her heart beat. I absorb Lena in completely allowing her to comfort me. I memorize her scent and the softness of her skin. The sound of her breathing paired with her heart that soothes me completely. I want to remember this. I never expected my mom to leave, I need to make the most with the two mom's I have gained and hope that they stay in my life for a very long time.
Stef must have left the room because I look up and it is just Lena and I.
"I know that you don't want me to let go sweetheart but in about fifteen minutes I need to check dinner okay? If I don't, it will burn."
I sigh, I would stay like this forever. "Okay." I say grumpily. I feel Lena shake as she chuckles softly. Fifteen minutes later a loud beeping noise went off. Lena stands up and I follow her. She takes out something from the oven and smiles that I am closely behind. I feel like a little kid following their mother, but I just want to be with her. She keeps me grounded. She starts grating some cheese and at the same time is trying to make something on the stove.
"Want me to do that for you?" I ask as she starts grating again. She looks at me nervously, not sure whether to give me something that is sharp.
"I am not going to grate my arm off Lena." She looks at me and nods, handing me the cheese grater as I set to work. I am doing this on the counter by the sink and I see a small knife in it. My heart begins to race a little faster. I look over and Lena's back is to mine, she is hunched over the stove stirring some sauce. I start shaking but pull that aside and grab the small knife carefully putting it into my pocket. I turn back around and she is still working on the sauce. I sigh in relief and continue grating. Lena walks over to the sink and places something else in it. I start panicking, but remind myself to stay calm. She sets it in the sink and stares for a second and before her thoughts travel too far I interrupt them.
"All done Lena." I smile sweetly. She returns it and kisses my cheek. She takes the cheese and sprinkles it on top of the broccoli she had taken out of the oven.
"Thanks baby." She smiles.
"Uhm, I am going to go see where Stef is, okay?" She gives me a look as if I am lying. "Honestly, I promise."
"Alright, go on, but you better be telling me the truth."
"Yes ma'am" I say, walking out of the kitchen. I decide to be brave and take my chances for some alone time. I very quietly creep up the stairs trying not to make a noise. I get to the top steps and breathe deeply. I weigh my options. Go in my room and hide the knife, go into the bathroom and cut, or go into Stef and Lena's room and sneak a look at my phone. I bet Wyatt thinks I am ignoring him. I decide to check my phone real quick and then I'll go into the bathroom and cut. I creep into Stef and Lena's room and start looking for where they put it.
Stef's point of view:
I am trying to give the other kids some attention. I know they must feel distant from us. Especially Jude, he has no clue what is going on and I know he is worried about his sister. He is tucked into my side tightly and I can't help but smile. I love this little guy so much. I think back to our conversation when I first got in here. Jude started asking me tons of questions. Mariana helped me out and I can't help but wonder what Callie told her. I guess I will have to ask Callie. I basically told them Callie was going through some things and needs a lot of support right now. I told them that she will be sticking very closely to Lena and I for a while and to just treat her the same and try to put an extra smile on her face. I was surprised that they all just accepted my request. Even Jude seemed fine with it. He just accepted my words and trusted us. I guess I forget Jude relied on Callie his entire life so it isn't as hard for him to trust people.
Everyone has been sucked back into the television. I realize we have been allowing our kids to watch too much TV lately. I feel kind of guilty, it is an easy distraction. They didn't even hear the yelling and door slams in the kitchen earlier because they were so focused on the screen. I decide tomorrow will be an outside day.
"I am going to go check on dinner guys. I'll be right back." I walk into the kitchen and immediately start looking around for Callie. I feel myself begin to panic.
"Where is Callie?" I almost scream.
"I thought she was with you?" Lena says panicking.
"No, I thought she was with you." All of a sudden I hear a small thud and run faster than I think I have in my entire life up the stairs to try and find my daughter.
Callie's Point of View:
Well, I found my phone but I dropped it on the floor, great. I hear footsteps running and start to panic. I get scared so I throw my phone back in Lena's nightstand and hide in their closet. I bury myself under a pile of clothes so I can't be seen. I hear them in their room now.
"Callie! I swear if you don't come out right now, you will be grounded forever." I hear Stef say. I start panicking. I stay hidden though.
I hear them open the closet and feel someone push back the clothes hanging. They shut the door again and go into the next room. I hear them in Brandon's room right next to me so I practically tip toe run downstairs and fly onto the couch next to Brandon. Jesus, Mariana, and Jude are on the other couch together.
"Uh where have you been?" Brandon asks.
"In the bathroom." I say confidently.
"You came from the stairs." Jesus says confused.
"You guys know how sometimes you have that unspoken sibling code where you stick up for each other so you don't get grounded for life?" I watch them all smirk and nod. "Well, this is one of those occasions, I beg you." I can hear loud voices and banging upstairs. We wait about five minutes. I wonder if I should do something, but you can't actually hear what they are saying so if I was down here the entire time I shouldn't know that they are looking for me. Although, I am supposed to be with them at all times. I am screwed.
Frantic feet come rushing down the steps and I look up to see Stef and Lena stop, looking directly at me.
"Where have you been?!" I think everyone is surprised that Lena was the one who screamed at me. Even Stef looked at her a little surprised.
"I was in here." I say calmly.
"No you weren't, I was." Stef said. "Where were you when Mama said she thought I was with you?" I can't tell if they are angry, worried, or relieved.
"I went to the bathroom before I came to find you." I said hopefully.
"Yes, but you promised me you would go find Mom Callie, why didn't you go to her after you were in the bathroom."
"She came out right as Mom walked out of here Mama," I am surprised that this was Brandon. Everyone will believe Brandon, he is the good kid. "We told her Mom would be right back when she asked where she was, so she just sat down and waited for you to come back. You ran right past her when you went up the stairs. Is everything alright?" I can't help but feel loved and protected. It is like a sibling pact. We all have each other's back. We shouldn't lie to our parents but we have to stick together sometimes and I would do the same for all of them. I take a peek at Jude expecting him to be angry but he smiles at me. I know the same thoughts about loving our siblings are going through his mind too.
"Jude?" Lena asks, having caught onto our interaction. It must look suspicious.
"Sorry, it is just that people don't usually care where we are this much. It is nice." Jude my little angel you. He just saved my butt.
I instantly see Stef and Lena turn from their panic state into their loving one. Jude has that effect on people. "Alright, well dinner will be ready shortly. That is if it is not ruined by now," Lena comments and walks off. You can tell by her attitude she doesn't want to fight about this right now. She knows something is off but is cooking and needs to make sure she doesn't burn the house down. I look up and see Stef eyeing me suspiciously. She is challenging me again, knowing I am lying. She walks over and sits next to me, staring the entire time. Can she see my hands shaking? She sits down next to me and I look away. She doesn't drop her gaze. She has to know I am lying. She scoots closer to me and her leg is touching mine. I feel the knife burning a hole in my pocket. What if she sees it? Her leg is so close to touching it. I carefully move my hands over the lump in my pocket and shift my leg away from her. She is still observing me and I feel her move closer again. What is she doing to me?
I look up and glare at her. She squints her eyes and raises an eyebrow. I hear a kitchen timer and I realize I am going to have to eat dinner soon. Do they realize how hard they are making this for me? I think of a way out of dinner but I know nothing will work completely. Whether I throw a fit or not, I will just get grounded and forced to eat with one of them watching me the entire time. But, you can't eat when you are sick. Maybe I could pull that off. I soften my eyes and think of a way to convince Stef I am sick. I keep my hands over my pocket and I lean up to kiss Stef's cheek. I need to butter her up. I have never kissed her before. She looks over smiling at me while I rest my head in the crook of her neck and whisper, "I don't feel well."
She looks at me carefully. "What is wrong bug?" She whispers back.
"It is my stomach. It is really upset. I feel like I am going to throw up." I am still talking very quietly because I don't want everyone else to hear our conversation.
She looks curious, almost amused. Does she know what I am doing? "When did it start hurting?" What is most believable?
"It started this morning but I didn't say anything because I didn't want you guys hovering over me even more." Oops, there was a hint of attitude in that. I try to fix my mistake. "No offense, I really just didn't want to worry you because I have caused so much trouble lately." She is looking down at me with a look that says I know you are full of it. I need to keep pushing. I slowly throw my legs over her lap and wrap my arms around her.
I look up into her eyes and force some water in mine. "I really don't feel well," I sniffle and put my head on her chest. I feel her sigh and slowly bring me into her lap. She wraps her arms around me tightly and kisses my head. She puts her mouth directly on my ear, something she does to make sure no one else catches any words.
"You know what I think would make you feel better baby?" I shrug and let her continue. "Food." I stiffen. "Babe, I know what you are doing. You will be eating. I know it is hard, but I will be there for you. Don't try to argue or result back to having a stomach ache because baby I can see right through you. You stiffened just when I said the word food. I know you love and I can tell when you are lying." I try to move out of her arms but she tightens them. "Please don't make a scene Callie. I know you are having a hard time but I just need to hold you. I need to hold my baby girl. I have a spot in my heart that is aching and you are the only one that can soothe it." Those words really touch me and I can't help but melt into her embrace. I lean back into her and allow her to hold me.
In about five minutes Lena comes into the room announcing dinner. She looks at me and smiles at the way Stef and I are sitting. Both moms always adore seeing the other one wrapped up with one of their children. It is honestly very sweet. Everyone stands up eagerly to get to the food and I make no attempt to move.
"Come on baby. Please stand up." I still don't move. Stef stands us both up and keeps my back into her chest. She practically pushes me into the kitchen. I get in there and Mariana is standing awkwardly, not sure where she should sit. I look at her, then Stef, then Lena. Stef sits in Mariana's chair so she can be next to me again. Mariana makes her way over to Lena, but before she can I grab her arm and whisper, "please sit next to Stef." She smiles and winks at me and goes over next to Stef and sits down. Stef looks at me oddly and I sit next to Lena and secretly grab her hand under the table. I look up at Stef and realize that the bond we have is part of my confusion. She can read me so well and she is the major result of my walls going up and down. When I am around her they just completely go bananas because I am not used to feeling so connected to someone. I sigh out loud not even caring if anyone hears it. Getting used to Stef and Lena's love is going to be a long road, but it is worth it.
I am staring at the wall and feel Lena put a plate of food down in front of me. I look up at Stef and she is watching to see if I eat. I take my fork and begin to eat slowly. I am too tired to argue. I have the courage I need from Lena's hand wrapped around mine. I don't really know what to do but I can't fight anymore tonight. I avoid eye contact from everyone and slowly eat the food until my plate is completely empty.
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