Mr. Thornton had eaten half a dozen ginger biscuits on Tuesday, and Margaret knew he ate them because she had helped make them. She hoped he liked the shortbread they were making to serve with tea tonight. It gave her pleasure to do something small to please him.
Margaret asked Dixon to heat water for a bath and to help her wash her hair. Mr. Thornton would be coming for his lesson this evening, and she wanted to look her best. After Dixon helped her bathe in the kitchen and rewrapped her ribs, Margaret went to her bedroom to dress.
Tonight, she would wear the second dress she and Dixon had sewn from the cloth from Marlborough Mills. It was fine cotton, soft, and had a lovely sheen to it. She and Dixon had also made her new petticoats from cloth he sent as well. Margaret had sewn a simple lace collar her mother made onto the dress neckline.
She had barely taken her seat in the study when Mr. Thornton arrived. He had a large basket with him which he presented to her and Mr. Hale. The basket held a large assortment of cheeses, some freshly baked bread, a jar of apricot jam, and three tins of tea.
"As I am so often a guest in your home, I wished to thank you for having me with this small token of my appreciation."
Margaret smiled at him, "That is kind of you, Mr. Thornton. When Dixon brings tea up shortly, I will ask her to prepare a plate of bread and cheese for us to enjoy this evening."
When they were all seated, Richard suggested they get started on the lesson.
Margaret took up her mending and listened to the men discuss Plato. She let her mind wander while she sewed. Mr. Thornton was exceptionally handsome tonight. He wore a navy waistcoat and cravat that brought out the deep blue color of his beautiful eyes.
His hair was slightly ruffled from taking off his hat, and his cheeks were ruddy from the cold. She wondered what it would feel like to run her hand through his dark hair. Margaret blushed and lowered her eyes.
Dixon brought in the tea tray, and Margaret turned her attention to serving the men their first cup of the evening.
Richard began this lesson with a quote from Plato's Republic, "Between the best of all, which is to do injustice and not be punished, and the worst of all, which is to suffer injustice without the power of retaliation; and justice, being at a middle point between the two, is tolerated not as a good, but as the lesser evil…"
"Does this quote ring true to you, John, as a magistrate?"
John said, "I do not think justice can always be served, Mr. Hale. Sometimes the truth of a matter cannot be proven, and the injustice would be to hold someone accountable without irrefutable evidence. Sometimes, even asking further questions can implicate an innocent party, and a magistrate must consider the harm that can be inflicted by doing so."
Margaret had taken up her sewing again, but when John finished speaking, she lifted her head and met his piercing blue eyes. She understood Mr. Thornton was speaking about when he protected her from the inquest after Leonards' death.
John continued, "As a magistrate, I must do what I believe is right, and I must dole out punishment that grants justice to the victim. When the evidence is clear, my conscience is clear as well. However, when there is any ambiguity, I must contemplate long and hard about the consequences of my judgment."
Richard asked Margaret what she thought. "I have known injustice and cannot defend myself against it. In this town and society in general, perception is truth. I know so few people in Milton, yet I am gossiped about as if they all know me intimately. To quote Plato, "The worst of all, which is to suffer injustice without the power of retaliation."
Richard seemed to grasp the gravity of all his daughter was going through, "Oh Margaret! What a neglectful father I have been. I should have insisted Dixon go with you the night we sent Frederick back to Spain, or I should have walked to the station with you myself. How can you ever forgive me?"
Margaret knelt on the floor and placed her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at her, "Papa! We were all in such pain that night and frightened for Fred's safety. In hindsight, we needed a better plan, but none of us had the capacity at that moment to construct one."
Richard had tears in his eyes, and he laid his hand on Margaret's shoulder, "All who say they belong to the Lord must turn away from wrongdoing. These people are sinners for gossiping about you, Margaret, and while it is hard to do, the Lord tells us we must forgive those who trespass against us."
Margaret kissed her father's cheek before rising, 'Yes, Papa, we must forgive them."
John lowered his eyes to compose himself. How had he let Margaret walk home alone that night? Even in his rage, as a gentleman, he should have seen her home. He shuddered to think what might have happened to her, a young innocent woman, bereft with grief, all alone on Milton streets late at night.
Knowing now that Frederick was her brother, John lamented that the Hales had not trusted him to help them. He would have seen Frederick safely out of Milton to a ship in Liverpool.
Margaret kissed her father's cheek and stood up to refresh John's tea.
Richard turned to his friend, "John, I apologize, but I fear I am too tired to finish our lesson tonight. We will pick up where we left off next time. Would you mind?"
"Of course not, Richard. Miss Hale and I have much to discuss tonight anyway."
Richard smiled, "Thank you, John. Your last discussion was lively. It did me good to hear the two of you speak about the characters in Miss Austen's story."
Margaret offered John more refreshments, and he took a small plate of bread and cheese and two more biscuits.
"Miss Hale, this is delicious shortbread. Did you have a hand in baking it?"
Her blush told him she did, and nothing more was said.
Margaret reminded him where they left off on Tuesday and asked the first question, "What did you think of Captain Wentworth's behavior the night he first saw Miss Elliot during the dinner at Kellynch?"
John thought she might ask about that, and he was prepared. "I thought he was doing his best to manage to be in Miss Elliot's presence after all those years. He was quite popular with the other ladies, and I imagine their attention to him was a balm to his wounded pride."
He noticed Margaret straightening her shoulders and winced as she did. He wondered if the pain of her injury had lessened any.
"Sir, I must remind you that Miss Elliot broke their engagement because she thought it was best. She loved him with all of her heart, and there was not a day she did not long for him, Mr. Thornton. You can only imagine her pain to see him pay attention to the other ladies present at the dinner and ignore her."
She continued, "Furthermore, I wonder at his deep love for her. He made his fortune as Captain of the Asp only two years after he left Somerset broken-hearted. He should have come back to Somerset and requested Miss Elliot's hand again. She would have been one and twenty and at the age to make her own decisions."
Margaret set her cup down so firmly that the saucer rattled.
There was his fiery Margaret! John hid a smile behind his hand and countered, "Miss Hale, when a woman has made her feelings known, why would she expect a man to come back to her? Her family found him an unsuitable match because he had neither fortune nor social standing in their society. Even when he acquired wealth, he could never overcome his inferior birth to marry a baron's daughter."
Margaret did not agree, "Women are more constant in their feelings, Mr. Thornton. We hold on to our love even when we believe all hope is lost. I believe Miss Anne would have married him at that time, regardless of what her family wanted. She had regretted her decision to end things with him from the moment the words were spoken."
John wanted her to see Captain Wentworth's side of the matter. "Miss Hale, I imagine that he needed time to understand his feelings for her after so many years had passed. While I agree that he was unkind to her, you can hardly blame the man for enjoying the company of the other women present at the dinner. They all found him quite charming."
She gave a quick retort, "'There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart,' Mr. Thornton, to quote Miss Austen from her book, Emma."
Margaret said, "I am sorry for Miss Anne. Her love for him never wavered, and yet, he seems to be surer of his resentment of her than of his love."
John smiled at her, "So it would seem, Miss Hale. We have many more chapters to go in this story, and perhaps they will have their happy ending."
Margaret tilted her head to one side and met his eyes, "Do you believe they will have a happy ending, Mr. Thornton?"
"Yes, I do, Miss Hale. I believe in second chances."
Dixon came in to collect the tea things and to ask if they needed anything else for the evening. Margaret told her they did not.
John took out his father's pocket watch and checked the time; he had been at the Hales for over two hours. Two wonderful hours.
"Miss Hale, Mr. Hale, I must be getting home, but as always, I have enjoyed my time with you both this evening."
Richard and John shook hands, and Margaret led him to the stairs. She took the stairs one at a time and held on to John as she made her way down.
Dixon was waiting in the hallway to show Mr. Thornton out. After Mr. Thornton bundled up to leave for home, Margaret asked Dixon to check on her father.
Margaret took the letter she wrote to John from the pocket of her dress.
She lifted her eyes to his, "Mr. Thornton, I ask that you read this letter in privacy."
"Of course, Miss Hale." John tucked her letter into his breast pocket.
She offered her hand to Mr. Thornton, and he lifted it to his lips. "Goodnight, Miss Hale."
Margaret blushed and bade him goodnight as well. "See you on Thursday, Mr. Thornton."
…ooOoo…
John wondered all the way home what was in the letter. He went directly to his study when he got to the mill house. After lighting a candle, he took the missive from his pocket and opened it.
Dear Mr. Thornton,
There are things that have passed between us that are difficult to speak about when we are in each other's company. I am writing this letter to you to spare you any discomfort of discussing matters in our past which were quite painful to us both.
In the book we are discussing, when Miss Anne broke the engagement off with the captain, she was so upset that she could not give the man she loved a good explanation as to why they would not share a lifetime together. When a woman refuses a man, she should offer him a reason why.
It is a very great honor for a gentleman to offer a woman his heart, as you did me. I hope it will help you to understand what happened between us that day if I explained my state of mind at the time.
When I was lying on the couch in your drawing room the day of the riot, Fanny and Jane thought I was unconscious. Fanny told Jane that I was trying to trap you into marriage, but nothing could have been further from the truth. I would never do such a thing!
I genuinely meant to protect you from the mob because I had made a mistake in sending you down to speak to them. As a woman, I felt it was my duty to protect you, and I did not believe those angry men would do me harm.
Almost immediately after I got home from the mill that day, Mary came to get me because Bessie had taken a turn for the worse. I spent hours by her bedside, and after I came home, I sat up with my mother all night.
When you came the following day, I was exhausted and mired in grief for both my friend and my mother. Both would leave this earth within a few weeks.
And…to be honest, I was not ready to hear what you had to say at that time. At that stage in our acquaintance, we barely knew each other. I had no indication from you before that day that you cared for me, and your words disarmed me. It seemed to me that you were asking for my hand out of duty, and it was not until I heard the pain in your voice and saw it in your face that I realized you were speaking from your heart.
Mr. Thornton, I dare not hope you can ever forgive me for how cruelly I treated you that day, but I ask for your forgiveness, nonetheless. I feel such shame every time I think of it, and I can hardly forgive myself. Please know I deeply regret how wrongly I treated you.
Yours, Margaret Hale
John laid the letter down on his desk and thought about all she had written in her letter. Of course, he forgave her, but he would be less than truthful not to admit that her apology meant a great deal to him.
John scowled thinking about how Fanny and Jane had carelessly spoken without thinking of the damage their words could do. Without those thoughtless words, would Margaret have responded to his offer differently? He would never know.
His heart ached for all she suffered during that time. He wished he had been a better friend to her. He should have asked for a courtship as he realized his feelings for her, but she gave no indication to him that she would welcome such an offer. Then, the events of the riot changed everything. He was duty-bound to offer for her to protect her reputation, but he asked for her hand because he loved her.
He picked up her letter again and honed in on one line, "In the book, when Miss Anne broke the engagement off with the captain, she was so upset that she could not give the man she loved a good explanation as to why they would not share a lifetime together."
John felt his heart begin to race. What was she saying? Did Margaret love him as Miss Elliot loved Captain Wentworth?
He ran his hands over her words and lifted her letter to smell her signature scent of lavender and roses.
Hope welled up in his heart that she was coming to love him. He would not assume anything. He had been mistaken before, and he would wait for her to know her own heart, as surely as he knew his own.
He sat back in his chair and smiled. Yes, things were much better between them now.
…ooOoo…
The next morning, John had an unexpected visitor. Adam Bell was his landlord and Richard Hale's closest friend. John did not always like him because Bell made him feel uncomfortable at times.
After the two men shook hands and Adam took the chair John offered him, John asked, "What brings you to Milton, Mr. Bell?"
"Richard Hale wrote me a letter telling me that Miss Hale was injured at the mill."
Adam held up his hand before John could speak, "I know it was an accident, and you have done all you could to take care of the situation and her, Thornton."
Adam never took his eyes off John, "What concerns me is what I have heard is being said about Miss Hale. There is gossip I am told, and her reputation is quite tarnished, possibly irreparably so. Of course, it is all untrue, but what do the small minds with vicious tongues care about what they are doing to a young woman's life?"
John knew what Adam said was true, as much as he wished it were not so.
Adam continued, "I have come to ask Richard and Miss Hale to move to Oxford. They need a fresh start in a new city, so Richard can provide for them. I will bear the expense of the move, and I believe I have located a home for them to rent. It will not be available for several weeks, and by then, Miss Hale should be completely healed from her injury."
John Thornton was long practiced at hiding his emotions, but Adam did not miss the dismay that crossed his countenance.
"Thornton, may I ask you to assist them in preparing for the move? With Margaret's injury, she will not be able to pack their belongings as she did when they moved from Helstone."
"Of course, I will, Mr. Bell."
Bell stood up to leave and the two men shook hands.
"Good to see you again, Thornton, I am on my way to Crampton."
John went to stand by the window, his heart heavy.
Things were going well between them now, but they needed more time for her to heal, to mourn, and for the two of them to grow closer. Now they would be denied time that could change the course of their lives.
His heart filled with despair.
…ooOoo…
Adam Bell was welcomed into the drawing room at Crampton. Margaret served tea to the men, and after a brief visit, the conversation turned to the best way to move forward now that Richard was no longer able to earn a steady income in Milton.
Margaret was sure the men would prefer to discuss the matter in private, so she stood up to leave.
She was glad to escape to her room because she was barely holding back the tears. Margaret knew they could not stay in Milton and that Mr. Thornton was the one to make sure they were comfortable. She managed the household accounts and even with his fees for lessons; they ran a deficit each week. The coal and abundance of food were due to his generosity.
In addition, he replaced her coat and hat and provided cloth for two mourning dresses for herself and one for Dixon. His cook sent over food every few days, and coal was delivered to their doorstep every Sunday evening. Without his generosity, they would be far less comfortable. Margaret knew that he also paid Dr. Donaldson for his visits.
But…they needed to be financially independent of Mr. Thornton. He was a kind friend, but he had gone far beyond what any friend should do.
Margaret felt waves of pain wash over her body. She would be separated from Mr. Thornton, maybe forever. How would she ever stand to be away from him?
She let the bitter tears fall. The injustice of it all was too much to bear. She laid down on her bed, and cried until there were no more tears left to cry.
...ooOoo…
The following day, Margaret resolved to make the most of the time she had left with Mr. Thornton. She dusted and did small tasks to help Dixon clean the house. Fresh biscuits were baked, and she polished the tea service. She would not be morose in his company. That is not how she wanted him to remember her.
John arrived and was shown to the study. Margaret marked the pattern she was going to embroider on a new apron. She began to ply her needle into the soft cotton that Marlborough Mills was known for.
Richard turned to face his friend, "John, before we begin our lesson, I want to tell you that in a few weeks, Margaret and I are going to travel to Oxford to look over the home Mr. Bell has located for us. The trip coincides with a reunion of my Oxford colleagues, so we will be gone for a week. We will return to Milton to organize our removal. I must be able to support my family, John, and I can no longer do that here. You are my only pupil, and it would seem that none of my other pupils require my services any longer."
John sympathized with them both. "I do understand that it has become difficult to remain here, but I wish more than anything it was not so. I care for you both; Milton will not be the same without you."
"Thank you, John. "When we moved to Milton, I had hoped to stay, but so much has changed."
Richard sighed and turned his attention to the lesson, "Shall we begin?"
After half an hour, Richard asked John if he wanted to continue the lesson. "It would seem, John, that neither of our hearts is in the discussion tonight."
John apologized. "I am afraid I find myself quite distracted tonight. Please forgive me, Richard."
"Why don't you and Margaret discuss your book instead?"
John looked over Margaret, and she agreed.
After Margaret refreshed everyone's tea, she said, "Mr. Thornton, what would you like to discuss tonight?"
John took out his copy of Persuasion, bookmarked here and there. "I found Admiral Croft and his wife to be interesting. Their marriage seemed to be a rare one, in that they were rarely separated throughout their marriage. She was content to go to the sea with him and to spend her days by his side. I would think most women would want to stay behind while their husbands were commanding a ship."
Margaret agreed the Crofts had a remarkable marriage. "I do not think I would want to remain behind either, Mr. Thornton. Marriage is sharing life and building memories over a lifetime. I do not think I would find a marriage pleasing if we were together but living separate lives. That would seem lonely to me."
Richard commented, "Maria and I were together more often than not. As a parson's wife, she accompanied me on visits to my parishioners and helped me with my sermons at times. I never spent a night away from my wife in all the years we were married."
John thought about his long days at the mill and commented, "I regret that I cannot offer the same to a woman. I would try to be home as much as possible. I would not want her to feel lonely and regret she had married a man who had so little time to spend with her."
Margaret said, "I do not think the Crofts' symbiotic relationship was just about the time they spent together."
"When a couple has such a relationship, their happiness is dependent on the other, and they have a partnership that is pleasing to them both. Their relationship is autonomous, theirs and theirs alone. I would hope for such a marriage myself."
John and Margaret spent the rest of the evening discussing the other characters and events in the book, but a pall hung over them as they realized these evenings together would soon come to an end.
When John rose to leave, he asked Margaret to see him out. She was healing, but going up and down the stairs was still a bit painful. John wished he could carry her in his arms, bury his face in her soft hair, and feel the heat emanating from her body. Instead, he offered his arm for her to hold onto as they descended the stairs.
At the door, John donned his coat and took a few steps closer to Margaret. She looked up and met his eyes. He had so much to say, but the time was not right. Yet, the clock was ticking.
In a voice raspy with emotion, John said, "Miss Hale, your letter meant a great deal to me. You have been forgiven. You must know that when I told you that any foolish passions I may have felt for you were over, that I was not being truthful. I ask you to forgive me for lashing out at you and for lying to you."
Margaret blinked back the tears that threatened to fall and lifted her eyes to his, "I believe, Mr. Thornton, that I could forgive you anything."
Margaret could see something in his eyes she could not name, and without thinking, she lifted her hand to his handsome face, and gently brushed her fingers across his cheek. For a moment, the air was charged with words unspoken. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold him close, she briefly glanced at his lips, wondering if they were as soft as they looked.
It took all of John's willpower not to take her in his arms and kiss her with all the love he felt for her.
Instead, he pressed his cheek into her hand, and closed his eyes to savor this sweet moment between them.
When he opened them, Margaret's eyes softened, and she let her hand brush down the front of his coat.
"Take care going home, Mr. Thornton."
"Thank you, Miss Hale." He reluctantly turned to go out into the bitterly frosty night.
He began his walk home and cursed the rules of society that did not allow him to ask for her hand during her time of mourning. There was more between them than friendship, he was sure of it. Tonight, when she had brushed her fingers across his cheek, he had felt tenderness in her touch.
She had said she could forgive him anything, and he dared not hope that meant she loved him as he loved her.
Time. He just needed more time to cement their understanding of each other, and for him to show her what she meant to him.
Everything. She meant everything to him.