Chapter 24: Oh, brother
Notes:
Hello hello!
This chapter is heavy and sad :(
Please, read all the warnings!!
TWs
Brief mention of someone having food poisoning (but it's not on the page, we don't see anyone being sick, it's just referenced)
Blood. A lot of blood.
Brief dissociation (it's not the POV character, but it's implied that someone has kind of slipped away momentarily)
Mentions of an animal attack (this happened off page, we don't see the attack, but deal with the aftermath)
Descriptions of wounds (some are quite graphic in the name of healing those wounds)
Descriptions of magical medical stuff that includes detail of the wounds being treated
Death (but then they're brought back with a succesful CPR style technique)
Discussion about sexuality that includes implied homophobia (as a thing that exists, but no one is homophobic to anyone)
Smoking
Mentions and/or reference to past child abuse
Mentions and references to magical torture
Mentions and references to murder and/or intended murder
Mentions and references of the imperius curse (so someone's will is taken away)
I think that's it!
French translation in the end notes 3
I am a bit nervous about this chapter because it's so raw - hope you enjoy it!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Regulus is patrolling alone. For someone who detests conversation and just people in general, this is ideal. He didn't know it was even allowed. Had assumed they always had to go in pairs should anything happen. It turns out that when one of the prefects comes down with heavy food poisoning a few hours before he's due to report in for his shift, there's no time to cover. So, instead of with Lupin, Regulus is patrolling on his own.
Regulus and the Head Boy had, admittedly, looked a bit dumbfounded when Madame Pomfrey—Poppy, James calls her—showed up to inform them that Lupin was in her ward and wouldn't be fit for patrol, but whatever.
He's got a pretty shit shift, too. The one right before dawn, which nobody wants. Ever. It's the first time Regulus gets it and isn't it fitting that Lupin happens to miss this one.
The silver lining is that not even the worst troublemakers of all are out of bed this late. Or this early, depending on the type of person you are. Regulus has wandered aimlessly through the castle for a couple of hours, enjoying himself. He smoked a cigarette on the bridge, watching the full moon light a path over the lake. Listened to wolves howling in the distance and breathed in the crisp air of the approaching winter.
Myrtle comes to keep him company for a while. It's rather nice. She tells him all about Rowena Ravenclaw, the founder of her house, and the stories that circulate amongst them. There's some sort of legend about her diadem, a myth that all Ravenclaws know in the same way all Slytherins know about the Chamber of Secrets and Slytherin's heir. It's quite fascinating, Regulus has to admit.
If the world was different, if he was anyone else, perhaps he'd try to find the diadem. Just to be the one who managed it.
Eventually, Peeves comes and bullies Myrtle back to her toilet stall, even though Regulus does his best to fend off the Poltergeist. He's annoying, and relentless, and Myrtle gives in to her weeping and floats away leaving Regulus alone.
Regulus has been paying attention to the ghosts of Hogwarts a lot more these days. He knows most of them by name, courtesy of Myrtle, and knows a bit of gossip about them all. So far, none of it has been particularly helpful, but Regulus stores the information in his head anyway. You never know.
It's the last day of November, which means the nights are long like a day without food, and the days are short like a drunk night out. Not that Regulus has ever had one of those, mind you. But he's been told time goes all funny when you're properly drunk, so. It is what it is. Days without food he's had plenty, so at least that one he can confirm with authority.
He's coming to the end of his shift, which will leave him just enough time to go shower, get dressed, and make it to breakfast to start his day. He stops near a window on the ground floor and looks up through the large glass panes. The moon has just disappeared below the horizon, but there are stars still twinkling above.
The corridor is empty. Dark. No one around to witness it, so Regulus allows himself a sigh as he finds Sirius. He's been wondering what Pandora meant about him and his cage for a while, but Regulus won't ask. He has gone out of his way to avoid his brother after the incident they had a couple of weeks ago. It's not worth the upset it causes James.
James, who out of nowhere—literally out of nowhere—stumbles into the corridor giving Regulus the scare of his life. Regulus pivots on his heels, bringing a hand to his chest to calm the frantic pumping of his lungs… and feels the ground fall from under his feet.
"Sirius?" the word punches out of him without his consent, but he can't help it.
James looks up, finds Regulus. He sees the moment his boyfriend registers his presence in the corridor, a mixture of panic and relief. "Reg?"
"What happened?" Regulus is moving. He hasn't consciously decided on a course of action yet, but he's moving. He's helping James, throwing one of Sirius' limp arms over his shoulders and sharing the load.
Sirius is unconscious. He's also bleeding. Actually no. Bleeding is too mild. Sirius is shredded to pieces. Torn to bits, flesh and muscle hanging from wounds that look like something with claws used him as a sharpening tool. It's grotesque. It's also a fucking miracle Sirius is still alive.
Regulus's gut makes a valiant attempt at crawling up his throat. With a shaky hand, Regulus brings a finger under his brother's nose and almost sags with relief when he feels him breathing. Weakly, but breathing.
"James," Regulus says sharply. "He's barely alive. We need to get him to the infirmary."
"No," James replies, frantic. He's so pale his skin has turned a dusty hue. He looks like he's about to keel over any moment. "We can't go to the infirmary."
"He's dying!"
"No infirmary!" James pleads desperately. "Can you help him? Please?"
Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Okay. Regulus can do this. He can do this. He'll interrogate James about it later, but he can do this. "Fine," Regulus grinds out. "But we can't stay here."
James' mouth opens, then closes. His lips are trembling. It hits Regulus that James has no idea what to do. Where to go. He's barely here, so gripped with panic and fear for Sirius that his brain has shut down. It's up to Regulus to save his brother, and Regulus can only think of one place to go.
The climb up to the Come and Go Room is tough. Sirius is heavy, because he's been playing Quidditch for years and swinging a bat at wild bludgers. And James is helping, but he's shaking badly and every now and then steps wrong and almost sends them all down to the floor.
Fuelled by sheer desperation, they make it upstairs. Regulus shifts Sirius' weight onto James and asks the Come and Go Room for an infirmary. He knows the room won't provide them with food or drink, so it's likely it won't give him medicine either, but Regulus just needs a clean space to work.
"James, take Sirius inside," he says. "I'm right behind you."
James obeys, either because he trusts Regulus or because he's a mindless automaton right now. Doesn't matter. He does, and then Regulus is waving his wand and summoning every potion he can think of from his stash down in the dungeons. It's a good thing the castle is deserted or he'd have to answer some uncomfortable questions. Fortunately, nobody sees the bottles flying up.
The scene when he walks inside the room makes Regulus want to break down into hysterics. Just freak the fuck out, because what else can he do when his brother is... Sirius is… and James? James is a mess, too.
And that's why Regulus doesn't. He keeps it together through sheer force of will. Because if he loses it, then Sirius will die. And Regulus cannot let that happen. He can't. There's no reason, no thinking, no grander plan. All he knows as he approaches the bed where Sirius is sprawled is that he needs Sirius to survive.
James is hovering by the bed. He's weeping, trying and failing to get his wand, which keeps clattering to the floor. Regulus pushes him back. Not roughly, but firmly. "Give me space."
Sirius is hanging on by a thread. Regulus thought the day of the altercation with Snape had been bad. He was wrong. This is bad. This is atrocious. "What the fuck did this to him?" Regulus asks, unscrewing bottles as fast as he can.
"James?" he insists when he's met with silence. "I need to know so I can save him. Are these wounds infected with anything? Talk to me!"
A wet wheeze escapes Sirius' lips. Gurgling from his torn throat. Then silence.
No. No, no, no, no.
"Sirius!" the cry wrenches out of Regulus with such force Regulus doesn't understand how it doesn't punch a hole in the walls.
"James," Regulus snarls. "Help me or he's gone. Do you understand me? He's gone."
Shaking like a leaf in the wind, James approaches him and whispers. "What do I do?"
Regulus takes two of James' fingers and plunges them inside Sirius' throat—because it's torn open and this is something they can do, disgustingly and unfortunately—and holds them here, against a main artery that was spraying blood everywhere.
"Keep them there to stop blood loss."
James looks green, but he nods and doesn't move even as Regulus lets go.
A deep breath is all the preparation Regulus allows himself before he starts chanting. Casting spells that are complex and draining. The magic tugs, demanding his energy, his strength. It's unpleasant, and yet he perseveres. He doesn't stop. Won't stop. With one hand he bangs on Sirius' chest, trying to force his heart to start beating again. With the other, he waves his wand. He chants, and chants. Sweat runs down his back. His muscles cramp, because magic can take a toll and this is advanced healing.
Regulus doesn't relent until Sirius begins to breathe again, heart fluttering pathetically inside his chest. His breath is so wet and weak Regulus knows he's got minutes, if not less, to save his brother.
The damage to Sirius' body is too severe. Regulus doesn't know where to start. But he has to start somewhere. James slowing the blood loss from the main artery down will buy them seconds, no more.
"Tell me what happened," Regulus demands, opening a bottle of blood replenishing potion and forcing it past Sirius' chapped lips.
James makes a sound of fear and distress so profound it breaks Regulus' heart. A heart that only beats for him. The boy with the hand inside his best friend's throat, trying to save his life. Regulus knows there's nothing James wouldn't do for Sirius. So why the hesitation?
"It was hell hounds," James says finally. "We were messing about in the forest and we were attacked. A pack of hell hounds."
In the Forbidden Forest? What where they doing there?
"You two are the stupidest motherfuckers I've ever met in my life."
But this is good news, because hell hounds are aggressive, and have claws and teeth sharper than knives, but they are mercifully not venomous. He can close wounds fast, without worrying about cleaning. Sirius will probably get a fever, but that can be healed easily. Magic does have benefits. Regulus forces a second blood replenishing potion down Sirius' throat, then begins to systematically knit the worst of the wounds together, starting with the one James' hand is in.
"I'm going to close this," he says. "But don't move your hand until the last second. He'll lose too much blood."
James makes a valiant effort at nodding which is more like an erratic bob of his head, but it works for Regulus. He begins the spell, and James watches him intently.
"Now," Regulus says. James' hand flies out and Sirius' wound closes.
There's no time to waste. Because that was the worst of them, but Sirius is quite literally a mess. It takes Regulus an entire hour of working non-stop to put his brother back together. He has James hand him potions, and clean places where there's blood and mud so he can't see very well. He asks James to turn Sirius on his front, and repeats the healing process across his back.
Sirius' breathing evens out as the potions and spells combined work to connect broken tissue, repair torn vessels and fuse back bones.
"Is he going to make it?" James asks Regulus when a bit of colour returns to Sirius' cheeks.
"Yes," Regulus replies. He sounds winded, because he feels it. "We're not done, but he's going to make it."
James proceeds to break down. He just crumbles. Falls to his knees and abandons any semblance of pride or embarrassment. This is a man who thought he'd lost his brother, and he's relieved, and not afraid to show just how much. James weeps and thanks Regulus over and over again through soul wrenching sobs. Regulus cannot comfort him, because he has to make sure all of Sirius' wounds are fine and that he didn't miss anything internally.
Eventually, James recovers enough to be of help again, and he decides that since they had to strip Sirius of all his clothes earlier, it's a good idea to cast a warming charm to make sure he doesn't get hypothermia while Regulus heals him.
By the time Regulus finishes, he can barely stand. He steps back, away from the bed, and finds a sofa somewhere to his right. Regulus stumbles to it and collapses.
He's so fucking tired.
Here is a sight James never thought he'd get to see: both Black brothers, fast asleep in the same room.
Sirius is naked, on the bed where James deposited him and Regulus proceeded to save his life in a display of healing competence so impressive James thinks he should be made Head of St. Mungos immediately. He looks whole now. Skin the correct colour, chest rising and falling steadily. His hair is a mess, and he's covered in streaks of dried blood and mud. But he's whole, and there was a moment when James didn't know if that would even be possible, so James isn't complaining.
Regulus is on the couch, passed out from sheer exhaustion. He too is covered in blood, which really shouldn't be sexy, but once again it is because James is obviously unwell and something in his brain goes haywire where Regulus is concerned. His curls are plastered to his head, and there are bruises under his eyes, the only outward signs that betray that saving Sirius wasn't effortless. Regulus did it anyway.
If it were up to him, James would let them both sleep all day. He can't do that, because the full moon happened on a Monday and that means it's Tuesday and there's class. Regulus will kill him if he misses lessons.
James looks around at the room and decides there's no harm in trying. "Do you think you can give us some showers?"
It shouldn't work, not with them inside the room, but it does. Magic, huh. One of the corners moves. Transforms. And then there's a row of elegant showers, and a myriad of soaps to choose from. That is one problem solved.
Regulus is, fortunately, in his school uniform. Sirius isn't, but even if he had been, his clothes have been torn to shreds.
Shit.
James has to sit down for a moment as the memory of it assaults him. Moony was a bit restless tonight, so they went into the forest. This shouldn't have made a difference. They've been to the forest so many times before, what was one more?
It was going well. Moony was fake-fighting with Padfoot, as they often do. Perhaps his howling was a little more aggressive, his nipping a bit sharper. But it was all very much in hand. And then, the hell hounds appeared and Moony lost it. Completely. Lost it to a degree they haven't seen in years. He was vicious, defending his territory and his pack with such violence the hell hounds attacked without quarter.
Things got very blurry after that. They managed to force the hounds to retreat—James can't remember exactly how—and then they were running out of the forest, herding Moony back to the Shack.
James thinks it was the leader of the pack. It was definitely the biggest. That one hound followed, and lunged at the last minute, right at the border of the forest. Moony was its target, but Padfoot tried to stop it. He just… jumped in. Cut the hound off, preventing it from getting to Moony.
It didn't go down well.
The hound turned on him, and not even Prongs' strength and sharp antlers and Moony's vicious attack could save Padfoot from the worst of it. Moony was hurt, too. By the time the hound gave up, Padfoot was a heap on the ground.
Prongs had to make a choice. He hated doing it, but he knew that Poppy would show up to heal Remus and Sirius… he couldn't take Sirius to Poppy because they can't be found out. And yet, James recognises that if he hadn't run into Regulus, he would have had no alternative.
Azkaban is better than the morgue. And he would have gone to prison with Sirius rather than let him die.
James sighs, closes his eyes. He's so fucking grateful and relieved that Regulus was there. Just. Waiting, in the shadows. Like a dark, fallen angel coming to his rescue.
He opens his eyes. And finds Sirius staring at him. "Where are we? Why am I naked?" Sirius pushes himself up, glances around. Finds Regulus. Blanches. "Reggie?"
Sirius stumbles off the bed and takes two clumsy steps towards his brother before James processes what's happening and says, "it's not his blood. He's fine. Just sleeping."
And what a sight that is. Sleeping Regulus looks angelical. Just. Soft. All the meanness erased, leaving behind just a boy so pretty it hurts to look at him. James is obsessed with it and needs to find ways to convince Regulus to spend a night with him just so he can stare at him while he sleeps.
He files this in his brain for later, when they're not bloody and exhausted and still in shock because Sirius almost died.
Fuck.
James moves by instinct. He crosses the space and pulls Sirius into a hug. Sirius doesn't hesitate. It doesn't matter that he's stark naked, or that James' clothes are covered in blood. He lets James hug him tightly, closing his arms around his friend, too.
"You and Reggie are covered in blood," Sirius mutters into the crook of James' neck. "And I'm naked. What the fuck happened?"
"Hell hounds in the forest," James whispers.
"Moony?"
"Had to leave him in the shack. Peter stayed to make sure he was alright until Poppy got there," James says.
"How bad?" Sirius asks him. James hesitates, and Sirius feels it. "Prongs. Tell me how bad it was so I know how much Moony's going to beat himself up over it."
With a deep sigh, James gives in. "You kinda… it was really bad. Really bad, Pads. I just… There was so much blood everywhere and you couldn't breathe and I had to… my hand! Regulus put it there and I didn't…"
"Prongs," Sirius says, hugging him tightly again. "It's okay. I'm okay."
"You sort of died on that bed," James whispers, voice breaking. "There was a moment when your heart wasn't beating. I can't… I." James buries his face in Sirius' hair, ignoring the dirt and knots.
He weeps, and Sirius murmurs soothing words to him. Isn't this stupid? It's Sirius who should be upset, but he isn't. He never is when he gets hurt during a full moon. James is weaker. He wishes he wasn't, but he can't help it. James will take anything, any pain, any injury to his own body. But the sight of Sirius bleeding? That always gets to him. It always breaks him.
James cries for what feels like a long time. When he finally regains some semblance of control, he pulls back a little to look at Sirius again. Reassure himself that he's fine. He's here. He made it.
"Why is Reggie here?" Sirius asks gently.
"Who the fuck do you think saved you?"
They're startled apart. Regulus is standing up, glaring daggers at his brother. "You are naked," he says. "Do not touch my boyfriend while you are naked or I will cut off your hands. Understood?"
James thinks Sirius is going to fight back, because that's what he always does. Except, apparently, he's shook by the news that Regulus saved his life again.
"Understood," he says, and takes a tiny step away from James for good measure.
The two brothers seize each other. It doesn't matter that one is filthy and the other is bare. They fill the room with their presence, like the regal aristocrats they were raised to be. Regulus' eyes are narrowed, defiant.
Sirius dips his head. "I… ehm. Thank you. For this," Sirius says, gesturing around them. "Also. I," he swallows thickly, "I am sorry for how I acted that time. I… well. I broke up with Adaline because it turns out I…"
"You what?" Regulus asks, impatient, haughty.
"I'm gay," Sirius says. He just blurts it out. Regulus' eyes widen, huge and green and beautiful. James loves how hopeful he looks for a brief second, before he puts his mask back on. "As in, I like boys, too. Ehm. I'm working on it. I've been working on it. Since… yeah. Well, that."
Regulus regards his brother for a long beat, and James prays to everything there is that he won't be mean about this. Because it has taken Sirius a lot of effort and courage to get this far, but a word from Regulus could set him back immensely.
"Take another step away from my man," Regulus says, like that's all he cares about. Perhaps it is, which is exactly the right thing to say to Sirius. "And put some damn clothes on."
A bark-like laugh breaks from him, then Sirius is giggling like an idiot and Regulus is watching him with mild disgust, but also a bit of relief. James sighs, deeply giddy about this turn of events. Regulus takes out his pocket watch and eyes it warily.
"There are showers there," James says. "I'll fix your uniform for you."
Regulus nods, like James knew he would. He's fussy and dramatic, but also practical. He cannot walk through the entire castle to the dungeons in this state without someone finding out what happened. Regulus begins to strip. He drops his robes, then yanks his shirt over his head, exposing his smooth back to them. James' mouth waters. Regulus hands being to work on the button of his pants, and Sirius yelps, his giggling cut abruptly.
"Not in front of James!"
Wrong reaction. Regulus looks at Sirius straight in the eye, then turns towards James and just… lets his trousers drop to his ankles. Sirius wails dramatically. James has to exert gargantuan self-control not to jump in the shower with his boyfriend.
Regulus rolls his eyes at his brother's antics and finishes stripping before disappearing down the row of showers. The sound of water running drowns out Sirius hysterics.
Fifteen minutes later they're all showered and dressed. Regulus' clothes were magically cleaned, same as James'. Then, James' uniform was magically duplicated and that's what Sirius is wearing. It's a bit too long, because James is slightly taller, but Sirius fills it out more or less okay because he's a bit less bulky than James but not by much.
The only person who would be able to tell Sirius isn't wearing his own clothes is Moony, but they won't see him until later today. That is one conversation James isn't looking forward to. It's not the first time one of them gets hurt, but it's never been quite so bad before and James can't predict how Remus will react. Well no. That's a lie. He'll be a mess for days. Possibly weeks.
James hopes Remus doesn't decide to change his plans and stay home with his father for Christmas after all. He is looking forward to having Remus at Potter Manor over the break.
Regulus heads for the door, giving James a little nod of goodbye. James smiles at him, then says, "absolutely not."
Two long strides bring him face to face with Regulus, who looks up with a questioning glance. James kisses him. He doesn't care Sirius is watching. Not after Regulus saved his life.
When they break apart, Regulus is a little breathless and rather flustered, which makes James feel like he could fly. "Thank you," he says, pressing his forehead against Regulus'. "Thank you for saving him."
"Yeah," Sirius calls from behind, voice a little dry. "Thank you."
Regulus stiffens, steps around James. "I did it for James. Do not make the mistake of thinking that I wanted to save you for any reason other than my boyfriend wouldn't have recovered if something had happened to you."
It's a rather long sentence for someone who always talks in short bursts. Regulus is economical with his words. And that's how James knows Regulus is convincing himself more than Sirius. He doesn't say it. But James knows and that's enough to send his hopes soaring.
Sirius and Regulus stare at each other defiantly. James hesitates, wondering if he should do something. Say something. But Sirius beats him to it, surprising him yet again.
"Reggie..." Sirius says. He stops. Breathes. Grabs his chin with a hand and rubs it a little, like he's trying to coax the words out. "Tu crois qu'on pourrait parler? Il s'est passé tellement de choses... et je... Est-ce qu'on pourrait se voir juste une fois ? Pour parler?"
James' jaw hits the floor. Since when does Sirius speak French? What is this?
"Je n'ai rien à te dire," Regulus replies. James doesn't understand a word, but he knows the temperature of Regulus' voice. That was cold. Sharp.
Sirius smiles sadly. "Je sais. Mais moi j'ai quelque chose à te dire. Et j'espérais que tu m'écouterais, ne serait-ce qu'une fois. Juste une fois."
It's funny, James thinks, how the language sounds elegant when Sirius speaks it, but absolutely sinful when it's Regulus. It's like they're speaking completely different tongues. Which James knows they aren't, but how do you explain that he's now all hot and flustered and Regulus has only said one sentence?
"D'accord," Regulus says.
James isn't sure what Regulus has just agreed to, but Sirius' face lights up. He looks at his brother, takes a tentative step forward. Regulus doesn't immediately back away. This brings Sirius close to tears. And isn't it absolutely fucking tragic? A brother brought to his knees by the smallest of gestures. Not even a gesture. Just the absence of outright rejection.
It's unfair. It's fucking bullshit, is what it is. Rage flares inside of James' chest, hot and bright and righteous. And with it, come the tendrils of darkness, curling around his heart and ready to squeeze. The same darkness that Sirius says has teeth. The one that wants James to kill Walburga for destroying Sirius. And Regulus. Because here they are, two brothers who love each other despite the wounds and the blood, beyond the betrayal and the pain. They love each other and can't bring themselves to admit it. Not even when one of them just died for a second.
Walburga will pay for her crimes against her children one day. James prays it's not by his hand, because that will ruin him. For Sirius and Regulus, it might be worth it.
"We have to…" Sirius has switched back to English, and James realises it's for his benefit. "We have to fix this mess tonight. But tomorrow? In the Astronomy Tower?"
"If I get caught, I will push you off it," Regulus threatens.
James, who is way more invested in whatever this is than he should be considering he has no idea what the brothers are agreeing to, says, "I'll escort you. I'll come pick you up and walk you to the Tower. Nobody will see us. I have an invisibility cloak."
Sirius makes a sound of distress, but respects that the cloak is James' and thus he can tell whomever he likes about it. Regulus stares at him, wide-eyed.
"Have you been stalking me around the castle with it?" he asks, and sounds less horrified than James thinks he should.
"No," James replies. "I… when I need to find you, we have other ways. The cloak isn't the only secret we have, but it's the only one that's mine alone. I can't tell you about the others."
Regulus seems to accept this, for all his gives James is a little half shrug. Then, he's turning the doorknob. "Tomorrow, then."
He stops. Comes to an independent decision and surprises James by stepping up to give him a quick kiss.
With that, he's out of the room for real. James is smiling, because Regulus kissed him, and Sirius is rolling his eyes so hard he must have got a glimpse of his own brain.
Curtains are drawn. Silencing spells are placed and reinforced. The sentinels—aka Lily and Mary—have been alerted and are in their posts. There's some chocolate and Bertie Botts. Pillows arranged and fluffed. All is set for the little war council in the marauder's room.
"Alright," James says somberly. Peter and Sirius are on the floor with him. They're sat in a circle, all three of them. "We need to get our story straight."
"Moony doesn't remember all of it, but he knows we ran into trouble. He remembers fighting another animal and that Padfoot was hurt," Peter informs them. He stayed behind that morning to keep an eye on Moony because he's the only one that can escape Poppy's notice. One more rat in the Shack is hardly worthy of attention. "He was incoherent, but he kept repeating something like 'I hurt him' and 'I'm bad for him' so I'm pretty sure he knows something's up."
"He's also not an idiot," Sirius says. "And he'll be panicking because we haven't gone to the infirmary to see him today."
Sirius threw a fit when James told him they were not going to visit Remus. He only relented when James explained that if he wanted a chance to ever explore whether Remus saw him that way—because James can't tell Sirius he knows Remus already does, that would be disastrous—he had to handle this situation carefully.
They know their Moony. He carries more guilt inside of him than any of them will ever know and hates himself for his condition, even though it's not his fault or even within his control. Which brings them to this council.
"I don't want to lie to him," Sirius complains. "It'll be worse if he finds out later."
"If he discovers how badly you got hurt last night, he'll never touch you again," Peter says matter-of-factly. "The guilt won't let him."
Sirius pales. The blood just drains from his face like this is the worst news he's ever heard in his life. Peter's eyebrows fly up. "Oh? Have we realised it then?"
James chuckles, he can't help it. Sirius stares at Peter. "Did everyone know but me?!"
"You're about as subtle as the Giant Squid," Peter informs him. "The only idiot who hasn't noticed is Remus himself."
"I had a girlfriend!" Sirius insists, for some reason wanting to press the point.
Peter and James both snort. "Oh, please. If that wasn't a desperate last attempt to convince yourself that you were straight, I don't know what is."
Sirius flops backwards on the pillows arranged around them for this very purpose. Because Sirius is a drama queen in this room and they know he will, at some point, flop.
From his position, facing the ceiling, Sirius says, "I can't believe I ever thought I was straight. I mean. Godric's sword at the bottom of the lake. But I am an idiot!"
Peter laughs, but James kind of gets it. His experience was easier. Different. But he knows the feeling because for the longest time he thought it was just girls, except then it wasn't. And there's that moment. That revelation when you just… like a light goes on in your brain. When you know, you know. There's no going back.
"S'okay, mate. The important thing is that you got to terms with it."
"Am I allowed to ask what… erhm… what you are?" Peter says. "I mean. That sounds horrible. Merlin's beard, I'm sorry. I just mean, are you gay? But you like girls, don't you? It doesn't matter. But I'm curious… Oh, Godric, am I being horrible?"
Sirius pats his knee. "You're not being horrible."
"It's called being bisexual," James informs him. "Liking both men and women. There's a newsletter from New York about it."
Sirius shoots up, blinks at him. "Wait, there are more of us?"
Peter and James both just. Stare. Peter facepalms. James, whose patience is infinite when it comes to Sirius, gently asks, "Did you think you were the only one?"
"Obviously not," Sirius says, indignant. "You are, too." Then, sheepishly, "I may have thought it was just us, though. Not sure why. Because like. Marlene and Dorcas are lesbians. Regulus is gay, no?" James nods. As far as he knows, Regulus only likes boys. He's never asked, because James doesn't care. And then, Sirius says, "And Remus is gay."
Sirius blushes violently. Peter and James exchange an amused look.
"There are a lot of people of all sorts of sexualities," James says. "I don't know all the words for it. But we are not the only ones. Whatever you think you are, there are others like you."
It warms something inside of James' chest, how comforted Sirius looks by this thought. He settles into his pillow, chewing his lip, lost in thought. He's not wearing his make up today, what with dying and all there wasn't time for it, and it makes him look a little softer. Younger.
They are so fucking young, James thinks. Too young to have touched death with the pads of their fingers. Sirius is only eighteen. The rest of them seventeen. Fuck. His boyfriend is six—
"Sirius, when is Regulus' birthday?" James asks.
"25th of May," Sirius replies automatically. He doesn't even have to think about it. "Why?"
James relaxes. He hasn't missed it and has plenty of time to think of a present. He already has the perfect one for Christmas. Pandora, graciously, has agreed to helping him in secret. All is under control.
"Just wondering," James says. Peter stares at him, eyebrows furrowing. James remembers, too late, that Peter doesn't know. "Anyway. Back to the—"
"Regulus?" Peter asks, jaw falling open. "Are you for real? You… When you said. When you drank in that game. REGULUS?"
James groans and drops his face in his hands. Peter turns to Sirius. "That's why you had a proper panic about it!"
"We're way off topic," James says, trying to bring the situation back under control. If Regulus discovers Peter now knows, too, he'll chop James' balls off. "Remus. We need to agree what to do about Remus."
Peter climbs to his knees, shaking his head. "Why? How? I mean. Does Remus know too?"
The door opens behind them. "Does Remus know what?" he asks, staring at them suspiciously. Lily and Mary are right behind him, panting and looking apologetic.
This is a disaster. James takes a page out of Sirius' book and flops backwards onto the pillows. He doesn't like the way today is going. He'd like to get off the ride, please. Try again tomorrow. But he can't. He has to help clean up this mess with his friends. With a groan, he pushes himself back up.
"Thanks girls," he says, dismissing them.
"Thanks for nothing," Sirius mutters under his breath.
"Moony," James says, gesturing to the empty spot on the pillows. "We were waiting for you."
Remus sits down with a grimace. He's still hurting, and James feels a little guilty about it because he did impale him with one of his antlers.
"What do I know?" Remus asks again, calmly.
Peter's eyes almost pop out of their sockets. "Well, that apparently James is shagging Regulus Black!"
Remus blinks once. Twice. Sirius is back to dramatic backwards flopping. James just sighs. He's so tired.
"Yes. I did know. You can't tell anyone, Pete," Remus says sternly. "Not even Olive. Do you understand?"
Indignant, Peter lifts his chin. "I'm the best at keeping secrets here. No one will know. Not from me. But James is absolutely fucking useless."
"Am not!"
"Are, too!"
"Well, can you blame me for wanting to talk about my boyfriend? I've done very well considering."
"Your boyfriend?" Peter exclaims. "Oh, wow. It's serious then?"
Remus claps a hand over Peter's mouth, but it's too late. Rising from his pillows like he's been summoned, Sirius deadpans, "No. I'm Sirius!"
There's a chorus of groans, but James rallies quickly. He's been waiting for this. For a day when he can talk freely about how amazing Regulus is. "Well. Yes, Peter. He's my boyfriend, and it's brilliant and—"
Sirius throws a Bertie Bott at James' face. "Focus. Stop thinking about Reggie. It makes me want to die again."
Remus' eyes flicker to Sirius, so he sees the moment he realises what he's said. Sees the panic, and guilt, and the attempt at covering it all up that fails spectacularly. Peter looks pained, like he's about to be sick. James thinks he will be sick. Jury's still out.
"Again?" Remus asks.
"An exaggeration," James says smoothly. "You know Pads. Dramatic as fuck at all times."
"James," Remus says with such sharpness all three boys snap to attention, like this is a teacher and not their friend. "What the fuck happened last night?"
The three of them exchange glances. They're trapped. No way out but through. Sirius shakes his head almost imperceptibly, but James knows Remus won't let it go. The longer they drag it out the worse it'll be.
James tells him.
He tells him everything.
When he's done, Remus stands and leaves the room. They all know better than to follow.
Interlude: Sirius POV
This is a bad idea. He's just… it's a bad idea.
Sirius should have told James to tell Regulus to postpone this. But he's afraid. He's afraid this is the one opportunity he gets and if he blows it because he's panicking about Remus… Sirius is certain his brother won't give him another chance.
So he didn't tell James to postpone, and now he's here on the Astronomy Tower watching Regulus and James move on the map. They'll be here soon.
Sirius' eyes drag over the parchment and snag on the label 'Remus Lupin' without his permission, much like they were doing on the boy himself for months and months before Sirius figured the shit out of what his confusion was about.
It's kind of fitting, at least to the theme of his fucked up life in general, that things would go this utterly, horribly wrong when Sirius finally figures out that he wasn't having intrusive thoughts (honestly, don't bring it up. He's ashamed of himself. How fucking embarrassing).
In hindsight, it's kind of obvious that he was, and still is, crushing on his friend. Hard. Like, full on.
Remus is beautiful isn't a thing people who aren't having romantic feelings for Remus think. Sirius understands this now and is proud to have pushed back the voice in his head that tells him it's wrong. Impure.
The voice that sounds a lot like his mother's.
Shivering, Sirius shakes his head as though to get rid of that thought. The fact that it was Regulus, of all people, the one to call him out on his own bullshit and subsequently cause him to realise the depth of his stupidity is… startling. Sirius spent so much time protecting his little brother he never stopped to think that perhaps his little brother could hold his own, too. And he has. Better than Sirius.
He's still in that house—James told him—and despite that, Regulus had a lot less trouble letting go of Walburga's prejudices than Sirius, the runaway, did. And if that doesn't prove Regulus is strong as fuck then what does? Sirius is fucking proud of his baby brother.
The thought makes him choke up a little, and he has to take a deep breath to bring himself back under control.
It doesn't erase everything else. The betrayal. The times Regulus hid behind Sirius and did nothing to fight back. The way he walks around the school with the rest of the Slytherins, like he's okay with having been sorted there.
The truth is that Sirius isn't sure they can fix things between them. Darkness still clings to Sirius, and he doesn't need anyone to tell him that it clings to Regulus too. Sirius doesn't know whether Regulus fights back like he does, pushing against the teeth that want to bite more of his soul. Perhaps he does. Most likely he doesn't. And what does that mean? Where does that leave them?
Sirius thought he'd come to terms with the loss of his brother. Apparently not, because he woke up and saw him covered in blood and for a terrifying moment, Sirius thought Reggie was gone for good and it broke something inside of him. It wasn't until James explained that Sirius' spirit stitched itself back together, because Reggie was okay. He was fine. Alive.
That means something, Sirius knows. And so he's here tonight, waiting. Unsure whether anything will come of it. But he wants to try. Because someone who makes James that happy can't be all bad. Someone who embraces who he is and goes for it with such bravery can't be all bad.
He'll be here, soon. And Sirius will say his piece and hope Regulus says something back.
Remus though. That's another thing. A harder thing. Because Remus hasn't come back to their room yet. He slept in the infirmary, telling Poppy he was still feeling weak. It won't work tonight, Sirius knows, but Remus is in his reading nook in the common room and hasn't moved from it for hours.
Smoke fills his lungs as he takes a drag of his cigarette. Sirius hates that Remus feels this way. He shouldn't. There's no blame to be allocated. No guilt for anyone to carry. They do reckless shit every full moon. Highly illegal reckless shit. So what if Sirius was hurt? He recovered, and he'd get hurt a hundred times more if it meant protecting Moony. Making the full moons easier for him.
But Remus? He'll punish himself. And unfortunately for Sirius, that punishment currently means Moony won't go within touching distance of him. Peter was right.
How is Sirius supposed to win Remus over if he won't even look him in the eye? It's maddening. Sirius wants to flirt with Remus and see what happens. Wants to touch him and see if he reacts. Wants to catch his eye and see if he can make Remus blush. Sirius wants. And wants. And it's Remus. All he wants is Remus. But he can't have, and it's honestly fucking appalling.
"Sirius," James calls him from the door. He turns, and finds James and Regulus standing side by side, the cloak hanging from James' hand.
Sirius nods. Regulus looks at James, and James says something to him that makes his expression soften a little. It's really not the same, because there's nothing brotherly in the way Regulus looks at James, but the softening of his features reminds Sirius of when Regulus was small and clung to his shirt everywhere he went.
James gives Regulus a quick kiss, and Sirius doesn't even twitch. He still doesn't like thinking about his brother as a person who has… erhm… urges. But he's also not an idiot. And it seems to him that what James and Regulus have is solid. Real, as far as he can tell. So, he'll only be hysterical about it when it gets him attention.
"I'll keep watch at the bottom of the stairs," James tells them. Then, he's out of view.
Regulus approaches the railing a little cautiously. Takes a cigarette out of a packet identical to Sirius', who is surprised to discover Regulus must know about the pub in Hogsmeade, and lights it. Sirius follows his lead, lighting a new one for himself.
They smoke in silence, shoulder to shoulder. Sirius knows he has to say something. Regulus came here to listen, and the little shit will not say a word if it kills him. He'll wait it out for Sirius. Entitled younger brother, thinking he's got all the time in the world.
But where does Sirius start? What does he say?
Sirius wants to ask him why he stayed. But he doesn't want to hear the reason. Sirius wants to say he's sorry for failing to bring Regulus with him. But he's not sorry he left.
"You didn't tell James you spoke French," Regulus says. It's a fact, not a question. But Sirius answers anyway because he was panicking about how to start and Regulus is throwing him a bone, despite everything. Like he knows time is finite, and this is their one chance to build some sort of bridge between them, no matter how flimsy.
Once again, Regulus proves he's stronger than Sirius. And Sirius is proud, despite himself.
"I haven't spoken a word of French in two years," Sirius admits. "And before that, I only spoke it with you. It just didn't come up, I guess."
Regulus hums. Takes another drag of his cigarette. Sirius sighs, braces his forearms on the metal railing. It's cold, and bites against his skin, but Sirius barely feels it. He digs in, lets the biting iron clear his head.
"I had no choice," Sirius says. It's as good a place to start as any. "They were going to kill me."
"I know." Regulus doesn't look at him, eyes trained on the shadows drifting into the horizon.
"I would have died that night."
"I know."
"I had to leave," Sirius says.
Regulus doesn't even flinch. "I know."
Sirius' throat is thickening and fuck. He doesn't want to cry. Regulus gets all awkward when someone cries. Sirius knows. There was that one time Cissy fell down the stairs and began wailing and Regulus looked so horrified Sirius had to comfort him before he went to their cousin.
But there's so much. Too much. Sirius doesn't know what he knows anymore. What he thinks. Regulus is like his family. Regulus isn't like his family. Sirius hates his brother. Sirius still loves his brother.
It's all jumbled, a mess of emotions he can't parse, and it's choking him. Because he shouldn't need to be here, doing this. They should have just been. Brothers. Together. Growing up the way other people do. In a house that was a home and not asphyxiated by fear and evil. It's not fair.
"I wanted you to come with me."
Regulus doesn't react to the affected tone of Sirius' voice. He's neutral, calm, when he replies, "I remember."
"You said no," Sirius says, and his voice cracks.
He grinds his teeth, clenching his jaw so hard it aches. Blinks fast, pushing tears back. He won't cry. Not over this. He flicks away the butt of his cigarette.
Here it is. The moment it all went wrong for them. Because they had one chance, and Regulus blew it. Sirius should just accept it. He chose them over his brother. It is what it is. Why then, is Sirius here? What is he trying to achieve? He doesn't know.
Sirius just…
He doesn't know.
"I said no. And you hate me for it," Regulus says simply. "Did you ask me here to tell me shit I already knew?"
Sirius turns to look at his brother, clinging to the righteous anger bubbling inside of him. This is easier, he thinks. To be angry at Regulus. They're brothers. They know how to quarrel and the Astronomy Tower is as good a place as any for them to hash it out.
"Oh fuck off, Reggie," Sirius says sharply. "Why did you stay? If you were… you are gay, for crying out loud. Why did you stay with a family that is never going to be okay with that?"
Regulus turns, too. He looks at him, eye to eye. They're almost the same height. Silver grey and green eyes. Same pale skin. Black hair, fucking glorious on the both of them. Regulus' is shorter, curlier. Still. There's no doubt they're brothers.
"I came to listen only," he says, taking a step away.
"Over my dead body are you leaving here without answering me!"
"Fuck off, genuinely," Regulus says.
Sirius moves without thinking. He's fast. So fast Regulus sees him coming but doesn't move out of the way in time. And then they're kind off... rolling on the floor together. Just. They are. There are no punches thrown, but they're kind of wrestling. Like their bodies are talking because their mouths can't.
They learnt to communicate without words when they were little. A touch. A look. The twitch of an eyebrow. It was the only way to escape Walburga's notice, the only way to stay connected when their parents were doing everything possible to tear them apart.
It seems that their bodies remember there are ways to talk that don't need words, and so here they are, grabbing and pulling. Anything and everything except letting go.
Sirius doesn't hurt Regulus. Regulus doesn't hurt Sirius. They brawl, but it's… fake. Mostly. There's an elbow in ribs, and a tug of hair. Angry snarling and shoving. But neither brings out his wand. Neither draws blood, though they could. They just roll around, all over the Astronomy Tower, grunting and cussing the other out.
It goes on for long enough that Sirius is winded when they fall apart, panting and sweating. Regulus looks appalled, like he honest to Merlin cannot believe he just did that, but he's still here. Sirius will take the win.
"Why did you stay?" Sirius wheezes out, sprawled on the floor of the Astronomy Tower. "I would have looked after you. Fuck. If it was James you wanted, you would have had him sooner." Sirius lets out a dry laugh, bitter. Brittle like the bones in his ribs, his leg, his arm. All broken when he made it to James' house. "He would have taken you in, too."
Regulus sits up, looks down at Sirius with absolute disdain. "You're a fucking idiot, Sirius." Panting, Regulus gets to his feet. Sirius scrambles to get up, too.
"Why?"
He doesn't think Regulus is going to answer, because he's almost at the door. His hand closes over the knob.
And Sirius can't let him. He can't let him go. Not again. Not when he's so close.
"Tu me manques, Reggie," Sirius says, admitting defeat. Taking one for the team.
Because one of them has to break, and it's never going to be Regulus. So, Sirius accepts the humiliation. Bows his head. And hopes his brother reaches for the lifeline he's throwing him.
Regulus' hand hovers over the doorknob. Falls to his side. Regulus turns slowly.
When Regulus thinks of the end, of what he has to do, he realises there'll be regret. A lot of it. Some of that he can't change. But in the time he's got left, there is perhaps room for a little bit of selfishness.
That's why he's here. In the Tower. Because he watched his brother die on a bed in the Come and Go Room, and it was just a split second, but Regulus felt the void he'd carry around for the rest of his days and wanted to die, too.
Because perhaps talking to Sirius like this, at night and alone, is a mistake, but Regulus wants to make it. Like James. A mistake he doesn't regret and will keep repeating until the last possible moment. He'll take just a little bit of Sirius, too. His brother. He'll have him here and now for as long as they're facing each other.
When the time comes, and Regulus lets James go, it'll hurt less knowing that they'll have each other. Sirius will help James get over Regulus leaving the same way James helped Sirius get over Regulus staying. It was always meant to be this way.
Sirius doesn't know it because he's a hot-headed idiot, but the breaking of their world didn't happen the day Sirius ran away. It happened earlier, much earlier. Regulus knew it from the first letter that arrived, the excited scrawl of Sirius' normally perfect handwriting.
The breaking of the Black brothers started the day Sirius met James. And Regulus can't even fault Sirius for it, because in what universe would Sirius have chosen Regulus over James? James, who is the fucking sun made person, come to banish the shadows creeping around the corners of Sirius' mind. Regulus never stood a chance.
"What do you want?" Regulus asks sharply.
"I want to know," Sirius says simply. "I want to understand."
For a moment, Regulus is tempted. What if he just told Sirius the truth?
She knew. She knew you were going to try to run. And she said you wouldn't leave me behind. She got to me first, made sure I couldn't go with you. She thought she'd made sure you couldn't go, either.
But the truth doesn't set you free. It shackles you to people, bridges chasms that are safer left uncrossed. Sirius needs to stay away from Regulus. Regulus needs him to. Because Sirius will have to comfort James when the time comes, and if he's blaming himself over Regulus' choices he won't be able to.
So, Regulus tells himself it's for James' sake and not his own, that he lies again.
"It doesn't matter why I said no," he tells Sirius. "All that matters is that I did."
"To me, it does," Sirius insists. "Why Reggie?"
What good will it do Sirius to know the reasons? None. It'll break him. Because for as long as he's been alive, there's been one fundamental, universal truth between them that has never wavered: Sirius protects Regulus.
It was a constant for so long that Regulus took it for granted.
So solid was this truth, that on the night it all broke apart, Regulus knew Sirius would stay. The moment his mother left him alone in that room to wait for his older brother, Regulus knew. Walburga had seen Sirius' heart and set the perfect trap.
And so Regulus understood, truly, deeply understood for the first time, what Sirius felt every time he took a punishment for him. Saw the depths of the love his brother had shown him. Blood on the carpet, split skin, broken bones.
Sirius loved Regulus more than his own body. More than his own mind. Sirius loved Regulus beyond his own survival instinct. And Regulus had never repaid that. Never had a chance to. Until suddenly, he did.
That night, the last night in Grimmauld Place, Regulus understood and accepted, the way a man walking to the gallows understands and accepts his fate, that he couldn't let Sirius stay. He'd decided, alone in the room as he waited for his brother, to be the saviour for once in his life. To take the pain to spare Sirius, just this time. The one that truly mattered.
This night, in the Astronomy Tower, Regulus makes the same choice again. They might not be the same they were, but Regulus hasn't forgotten all Sirius ever did for him. So, he swallows back the bitter taste of betrayal—because Sirius still left and it hurts—and decides to bite the bullet one more time. To absorb the pain so his brother doesn't have to.
"I wanted to stay," he lies, glare sharp like the edge of a knife. Regulus lifts his chin, daring his brother to argue again. To challenge him.
"Why are you like this?" Sirius asks, frustrated. "Honestly, Reggie. Why the fuck did you even come to the Tower, then?"
To see you. To be near you.
"You said you had something to tell me," Regulus replies petulantly. "So far, all you've done is ask stupid questions."
"You think it's stupid that I want to know why you stayed with her? Why you let me go alone? I begged you, Reggie. I would have brought you with me. We could have been free!"
You fool. You fantasist.
I would have killed you. Out there in our back garden, under the shadow of the Black Manor. I would have killed you and then walked back inside like it was nothing.
You were too late. She got to me first.
I stayed to save your life.
Regulus tells himself that it's okay to keep the truths that hurt inside. He can deal with the pain, absorb it so it doesn't touch Sirius. It's better that he hates him. Easier. The truth would break Sirius and what was the point of it then?
But Sirius is looking at him with such despair in his eyes, such longing and hurt, that it's hard not to waver a little. Despite himself, Regulus finds that he wants to give Sirius something.
"Only one of us could make it out," Regulus says calmly.
Sirius flinches with his entire body. "What does that mean?"
"It means only one of us could make it out."
They stare at each other, matching wills. Regulus can tell Sirius isn't satisfied. He wants to know. And Regulus will not tell him. It's better this way. It'll keep Sirius whole. It'll keep Sirius sharp.
Because Sirius thrives in the knowledge that he broke free from the Blacks and Regulus doesn't want to know what would happen if he found out Regulus made it possible. That he didn't escape, but that he was broken out.
Running a hand through his hair, Sirius lets that one go and asks, "Did you want to leave? If you could have, I mean."
Yes. With you.
I would have walked to the end of the Earth with you because you were my brother and I loved you.
I loved you enough to take your place.
"Not really," Regulus drawls, tilting his head to the side slightly to give Sirius a haughty look. "You were the one always messing things up. I've been fine on my own."
Sirius holds his gaze for a long time, silence stretching like tentacles between them. So many lies. So many secrets. So much pain between two people who once swore to always fight for the other. Broken promises were never supposed to pile up around them, and yet here they are.
"I don't believe you," Sirius tells him, eyes defiant.
"That's your problem," Regulus says, shrugging. "You left. I stayed behind. That's all there is to it."
"You make it sound so simple," Sirius says bitterly.
"It is. I hate your for leaving. You hate me for staying. End of the story."
Worst of all, Regulus thinks, is that I hate you because I can't really hate you at all. But it is this way. We're messes of men, shattered pieces that don't fit together no matter how hard we try.
"Yeah. Yeah, okay."
Regulus looks away, past the railing. He stares into the night, cold and dark. The stars above them blink.
"Cigarette?" Sirius asks Regulus.
He nods quietly, and they both shuffle forward until they're close to the balustrade and can sit with their legs dangling. Side by side. Shoulder to shoulder, the same way they started. Like they're coming full circle, except Sirius asked questions Regulus couldn't answer so they've really gotten nowhere at all.
They sit. They smoke. And Regulus thinks. He thinks all the things he wishes he could tell Sirius.
This is what Regulus thinks. What he wishes he could say.
There was a time when you were the only safe place I knew. These days, I don't know how to look at you without feeling like I'm breaking.
So I don't want to spend another minute fighting you as you try to unravel truths that'll get us nowhere. My time is running out and I don't want to waste it. We can't fix this. We can't change the past.
It happened, and it hurt us. We broke and rebuilt. We did it apart. Alone. And now this is how things are.
The world is cruel and cold and it's laughing in our faces. It's all too little, too late. I'm set in my plan. I've chosen my fate.
You can't stop me. I don't want you to.
I wish it wasn't so. I wish I didn't know how this goes. But I do. And you don't. And I'm not going to tell you because despite everything, or maybe because of it, you're my brother. The only one I have.
You were always the one who walked behind me and picked me up when I fell. The shield and the sword. You fought our battles so I didn't have to. You loved me and it almost killed you.
So, this time, brother, it'll be the other way around. I'll keep the secret. Keep the pain. The bones and the blood and the cold. And I'll get revenge, on you, for you. For us. For the brothers we could have been. For the brothers we'll never be.
You don't know it, but I love you.
I love you, brother, and that's what's going to kill me.
Instead, what he says, is: "This changes nothing."
"Reggie…"
"No, Sirius," Regulus says, climbing to his feet. "To me, you're James' best friend. No more, no less. I suggest you act accordingly."
Sirius hurries to his feet too. "I would hang out with James' boyfriend," he says firmly. "Like we hang out with Dorcas because she's with Marlene."
Regulus looks over his shoulder, already at the door, prying it open. "If the situation arises, I won't stop it."
James must have heard the door open, because he's cautiously walking up the stairs. Regulus meets him half way, not looking back again. He doesn't dare, because he's certain that was a little hope in Sirius' face and it'll hurt Regulus to witness it.
The stairs creak under James' feet as he waits for Regulus, betraying he's nervous. Shifting his weight back and forth. Regulus gives James a little nod, and he looks over Regulus' head to where Regulus assumes Sirius is.
Whatever James sees makes him sigh a happy sound, and just for that Regulus is a little bit proud that he did this. If not for himself, then at least for James.
Together, they duck under the invisibility cloak and walk back to the Slytherin dorms. Regulus would like to take James to the Come and Go Room, but they agreed beforehand that they weren't going to do that tonight. They're learning to be careful with this thing between them, and James pointed out Regulus might not be in the best headspace after talking to Sirius.
He's currently regretting it, but deep down Regulus knows that he'll be grateful to James for protecting Regulus from himself. Now, if only James was half as good at looking after his own wellbeing… well. That would certainly be something, wouldn't it?
Notes:
French translations:
"Reggie..." Sirius says. He stops. Breathes. Grabs his chin with a hand and rubs it a little, like he's trying to coax the words out. ""Do you think we could talk? So much has happened... and I... Would you meet me just once? To talk?""
James' jaw hits the floor. Since when does Sirius speak French? What is this?
"I have nothing to say to you," Regulus replies. James doesn't understand a word, but he knows the temperature of Regulus' voice. That was cold. Sharp.
Sirius smiles sadly. "I know. But I do. And I was hoping you'd listen to me. Just this once. Just the once."
In the Tower, Sirius tells Regulus "I miss you" to stop him from leaving.
OMG THE BLACK BROTHERS IN THIS CHAPTER HURT ME SO MUCH I AM UNWELL :( How are you all doing? Are we okay? (no we are not, but are we?)
Thank you for reading and commenting 3