Chapter 25: Would you rather...?
Notes:
Hello hello!!
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT LEFT A COMMENT IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER - MEANT THE WORLD TO ME :)
After all that angst, we get... more angst LOL Sorry :) But then we get actual fun and cuteness :D
TWs
References to bullying / prejudiced people (very general, just someone thinking about it)
Discussions of the upcoming war (also quite general, nothing specific)
References to abusive household / childhood
Underage drinking
Sex (people talk / joke about it and people have sex in this chapter)
References to past animal attack (Sirius' situation in previous chapter is referenced)
Smoking
Some minor anxiety (very minor)
There's a little blood but it's honestly incredibly minor, just a little accident and it gets one (1) sentence
I think that's it!! Let me know what you think - i love to hang out in the comments section with you 3
Happy Friday!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Interlude: Dorcas POV
Dorcas has made sure to be fussy about Regulus failing to tell her he's dating James Potter for about a week. It's enough. She misses her best friend and is ready to let this petty game go. That's why she's waiting for him in the common room. That, and Blair is shooting her disgusted glances every few minutes which doesn't make for a very cosy dorm. Blair doesn't dare say anything, because her hair is still multicoloured, but the looks convey her thoughts well enough.
Dorcas wishes she could just swap houses. Sure, she never before thought anything about being a Slytherin—she's fine where she is, and she met Regulus and Barty and Evan. But. There's always a but, isn't there? Gryffindors are just lest fucking prejudiced and, to Dorcas, that's good enough reason to want to be one. Not that she's particularly hot-headed or ready to jump into a fight any moment. But she's loyal to her friends. She'd do anything for Regulus. Can't she just be re-sorted? For the rest of this year? Then, she could share a dorm with Marlene every night without it being a game of chicken with teachers and prefects and other Slytherins who might catch on and tell on her.
It's a nice thought.
It's past midnight, and she's begun to droop a little when finally the entrance to their common room parts and Regulus walks inside. He's very much not drooping despite the late hour. He's graceful, slipping inside Slytherin territory like a black cat. There's a bit of sadness clinging to him, blurring his edges as he crosses the space looking for all the world as though the night ought to be scared of him and not the other way around like a normal person.
"Dorcas?" Regulus asks, cocking an eyebrow when he finds her on the sofa in front of the fireplace.
"Hi Reg," she says, smiling at him then gesturing to the space right next to her.
"You're done throwing a tantrum, then?" Regulus asks petulantly, but he's crossing the space towards her already, like she knew he would.
Dorcas snorts. "Just had to make you sweat a little."
"You were being childish," Regulus replies primly, sitting down on the sofa next to her. "Why are you here? Blair?"
Ah. This is why Dorcas loves Regulus; he's unfailingly protective. Fierce, even. She's never going to be able to repay him for putting a stop to the slurs from her dormmates, or for immediately thinking of her when Selwyn was suspended. He goes about in a very particular, slightly unhinged and dangerous way, but Regulus has never not gone above and beyond to make sure Dorcas is alright. How can she not love him?
"She hasn't said a word," Dorcas replies, waving a hand to dismiss the topic. "I was waiting for you."
"Ah."
"You said you didn't know how to tell me about James," Dorcas tries. Regulus tenses next to her, but he doesn't interrupt so she continues. "I know you're mildly allergic to emotions, so I can see how talking about them would be difficult. But Regulus. I'm… well, I'm your friend, aren't I?"
"Yes," Regulus replies stiffly.
"To me, you're my best friend," Dorcas informs him. "Just thought I should tell you that. So, there's no confusion."
A small muscle twitches on Regulus' jaw. He nods, swallows. That, for now, is enough of a confirmation for Dorcas that he thinks of her as his best friend too. It warms her heart.
"Does anyone other than Sirius know?" Dorcas asks him.
Regulus sighs like he's being punished for his sins. Closing his eyes, he reclines his head back on the sofa and speaks towards the ceiling. "Lupin found out, too. James has never met subtlety, apparently."
Dorcas has to snort at that. "He's gone for you, you know? It's all over his face whenever someone says your name."
The corners of Regulus' mouth twist with the effort it takes him not to smile. It makes something warm and sweet spill inside Dorcas' chest. Despite knowing him for years and being as close as one can be to Regulus Black, she's seen him smile so rarely she could probably count the times with her fingers.
"You don't have to tell me," Dorcas says. "But if you did want to talk about it, I'm here. It's… well. I like talking about Marlene, as you know. It's quite nice to discuss the person you're with."
"I… wouldn't mind telling you about James," Regulus admits. "I don't know how. "
Dorcas shifts her weight on the sofa, making herself comfortable. "I'll ask questions, you can answer them or not. Alright?"
Regulus nods, still facing the ceiling. And so it begins. Dorcas asks, and Regulus answers any way he can. She discovers they talked for weeks before anything happened. Learns that James kissed him when he lost it about the Hogsmeade pub thing with Lily. She's surprised to hear that James told Sirius straight away, but not that he came back to Regulus. Dorcas reminds Regulus every chance she gets that she can see that James is absolutely head over heels gone for him.
When Dorcas has asked all her questions, they fall into a comfortable silence. The greenish flames in the fireplace have begun to die down, thickening the darkness in the common room. Regulus doesn't move for a very long time, lost inside his own head. Dorcas watches him, sees the way his jaw tightens and the corners of his eyes pinch with tension.
She wonders where he was tonight. There's too much melancholy in the lines of his face for him to have been with James, right? But she doesn't have a chance to ask because Regulus is clearly working up the courage to tell her something, so she waits.
When he speaks, his voice is a little strained, which is so out of character for the otherwise always composed and unbothered Regulus Black that Dorcas' heart starts to pound.
"Have you ever had your heart broken?" Regulus asks her.
Oh fuck. Whatever this is, it isn't good. It isn't good at all. "Well. No. I have only truly loved Marlene and we're great," Dorcas says carefully.
Regulus sits up then and stares at Dorcas. "You… Marlene?"
"Yeah. I do," Dorcas says, smiling shyly. "I haven't told her yet. Building up to it, you know? But I do. I really, really do."
"You're fucking brave, Dorcas."
"Careful there," she teases him. "You almost sound impressed."
He smirks, and in the dancing shadows from the fireplace Dorcas can see why James is so obsessed with him. Regulus is beautiful. Not even in a sexual way. He's like a piece of art. Perfect. Untouchable. Something you look at but never take home with you, because you could never afford it. Like a star, she thinks. Very fitting. Gorgeous and distant.
"Why are you worried about heartbreak? I don't think James will hurt you. That guy would walk over hot coals for you," Dorcas says, paying close attention to Regulus' reactions.
It's there, in the twitch of his fingers and the fluttering pulse at the base of his neck, that she understands. "Oh," she whispers. "You're going to break his, aren't you?"
The nod Regulus gives her is almost imperceptible, but it is. Dorcas's eyes prickle with tears. "Why? You like him so much, Reg."
"Not yet. We still have time. I'm… Making the most of it. But then… it'll be inevitable. It's…" Regulus looks away, into the flames.
"Reg," Dorcas scoots over closer, and her knee bumps into his leg which she knows he doesn't like, but she doesn't care. Can't care. Her pulse is thundering in her ears. "Is this… are you," she clears her throat. "You don't believe in that blood purity bullshit. So why?"
"It's complicated."
"Uncomplicate it for me. Explain it to me like I'm five," Dorcas says fiercely. "You have a choice, Regulus. We all do. And I don't see why you would make that one, when you don't even believe in their crap!"
"Dorcas," Regulus snaps, cutting her a glance that makes the blood curdle in her veins.
"No," she says, sitting up straighter. She's a little bit afraid, which is new. She's never been afraid of Regulus before. But this is her Reg. Her best friend. She will not let him push her away. Won't let him make a stupid choice for no reason. He's smarter than this. Regulus is practically a genius. So why?
Regulus doesn't do anything impulsively. He's cold. Careful. Calculating. So why on Earth… oh. Oh no.
"Fuck, Reg. You have a plan, don't you? You're going to do something. Something dangerous."
Surprise flashes through his eyes, but he nods. "It can only be me."
"Oh, don't give me that crap," Dorcas snaps. "What makes you so damn special, huh? I never pegged you for a martyr, Reg."
"It could have been Sirius," Regulus says pointedly. "But he ran. So now it can only be me."
The world tilts. Dorcas feels like she's going to be sick. The rarely talk about it, what it means for Regulus that he's the heir to one of the most powerful, most ancient bloodlines in the entire wizarding world.
Blood purity as a concept is absolute bollocks, but there is still power in legacy. In ties. In family. Histories and talents that intertwine and flourish. And the House of Black has centuries upon centuries of it. The inbreeding is a relatively new thing, as pure-blooded families have dwindled. But for a very, very long time it wasn't necessary. They did get stronger, producing powerful, magically gifted witches and wizards.
There's magical legacy in the name of Black, and Regulus is going to claim it.
Dorcas swallows. "What are you going to do?"
"Can't tell you," Regulus replies. "Too dangerous for you and for me."
"I want to help you, Reg," Dorcas whispers. "I have… you know my family wants me to make a decision and I've been dragging my feet. They don't matter enough to me. Well, you know they've never treated me very nicely. But you… you're my best friend."
They seize each other for a long moment before Dorcas declares. "So yes. This. This is my decision. My choice. I want to help you."
"Dorcas…"
"No," she says vehemently, reaching for Regulus' hand and remembering at the last minute that he doesn't like touch. She stops herself, curls her hands into fists on her lap instead.
"I understand only you can wield whatever dark magic runs in your blood," Dorcas whispers. "Fine. But you still cannot do whatever it is you're going to do alone. You're not invincible, Reg. There must be something I can do to help."
Regulus runs a hand through his curls, looking a little out of sorts. "It's too dangerous."
"You sound like Marlene now," Dorcas says, annoyed.
This is, apparently, the wrong thing to say, because Regulus scowls. "What do you mean?"
"Ah. Well," Dorcas hesitates. Sighs. "Marlene wants to fight, obviously. She's… she's fierce. Bit of a menace. Of course she wants to fight. And she wants me to sit it out. To not get involved. As if I'd ever let her do it alone."
Dorcas hears her own voice and is surprised at the bitterness in it. She's very capable. Actually, she's a fucking good witch. Maybe not as good as Regulus, or James and Sirius, but she's smart and skilled and powerful, too. And she hasn't yet made up her mind fully, but the fact that Marlene wants her out and Regulus apparently agrees with her is rubbing her the wrong way.
"Marlene knows you're fucking good, Dorcas. She just doesn't want you to be in danger," Regulus says softly, shocking her into stunned silence for a moment.
Which, yes. Alright. Dorcas gets, because the idea of Marlene or Regulus in danger makes her feel sick. But there's a war out there. Nobody is safe. Not really. And Dorcas may be a cunning Slytherin but that doesn't make her a coward.
"What about what I want?"
Regulus snorts. "Now you sound like James."
Dorcas smiles, but it turns sad very quickly. "Reg?"
"Hm?"
"When?" Dorcas asks quietly.
They're both staring at the flames when Regulus says, "It'll begin during Easter break. But the real deadline is my birthday."
Dorcas frowns, then remembers Regulus is a year younger than her. It clicks, all at once. "You'll be of age," she whispers. Then starts. "But you won't be Lord Black yet. Not until…"
And with a cruel twist of his mouth, Regulus tells Dorcas, "Don't ask, and I won't have to lie to you."
The lack of snow is, frankly, appalling. James is deeply offended that the skies haven't blessed him with a storm this side of Christmas. He promised Regulus a broom ride in the depth of winter, and he intends to keep his word but it'll have to be after the break.
It's the last Hogsmeade visit before they leave for their homes on Wednesday, and it's absolutely freezing, but not a single snowflake in sight. Honestly, outrageous. He has half a mind to raise a fist upwards to demonstrate his frustration, but thinks better of it because as much as he loves his friends, he doesn't want to explain himself.
They're a large group heading into the village today. All four marauders, plus Olive hanging from Peter's arm. Lily and Mary, flanking Marlene and Dorcas. Remus is walking as far away from Sirius as he possibly can, which has James in a right state. He's been like this for two weeks, and it's infuriating.
No one knows what to do. How to get Remus back to normal. Every time he looks at Sirius, a haunted look overcomes him and the blood drains from his face, and James knows he's remembering James' words.
It was a very brief moment, but Sirius' heart stopped beating.
Remus is having nightmares about it. James knows because he comes back to their dorm late after seeing Regulus and finds Remus sitting up in bed, curtains open, sweating buckets and glaring at Sirius' bed like he needs to see him and make sure he's alive. Breathing. Whole.
Sirius is struggling, too. But in a wicked twist of fate, he's the one showing most patience. Something happened in the Tower with Regulus, and Sirius has… calmed down a little. He's still Sirius, don't get James wrong. Coolest kid in school, baddest boy this side of the northern hemisphere. A veritable drama queen when he wants attention. But he's less impulsive, somehow. And he's determined to wait for Remus to forgive himself for what happened on the full moon.
Sirius hasn't told James what transpired between him and Regulus on the Tower, and James has respected this. It's not a secret between them, because James knows it happened. But some things have to stay private, and James loves Sirius enough to understand that.
"I'm going to get so sloshed," Sirius tells James, throwing his arm over his shoulders. The tip of his nose is pink.
It's a clear day. Crisp and clean. The sky's enamel blue and the temperatures below freezing. The lake is almost solid, which isn't making the Giant Squid very happy. It looks beautiful, though.
"As opposed to every other time you go to the Broomsticks when you sip tea?" James teases.
Sirius grins, cheeks full and also a bit red. He doesn't handle the cold well, and now that he can't steal Remus' scarf, he's suffering a bit. As if he could read James' thoughts, Sirius glances at Remus, who's walking near Lily, lost inside his own head. The dark eyeliner around his eyes makes the grey in them look closer to silver. It's a very pretty sight.
"Is he still coming to spend the break with us?" Sirius asks.
James nods. "He is but…" James has to take a fortifying breath. "He's only coming because he has no choice. He wrote to his dad, and Lyall's already committed to extra shifts at the Ministry and couldn't back out."
"Right," Sirius says, chewing on his lower lip. "That'll be fun, then."
"If he doesn't snap out of it by the time we're home, we're staging an intervention," James says.
"Right," Sirius nods, looking a little overwhelmed all of a sudden, but determined. "Yes. Okay."
They reach the village and head straight for the pub. No one needs to buy supplies this close to the break, and it's genuinely too cold to dwell outside any longer than strictly necessary.
Possibly to make up for the lack of snow, divine intervention smiles upon James because they arrive at the Three Broomsticks at the exact same time as Regulus, Crouch and Rosier. Lily almost bumps into Regulus at the door.
There's an awkward silence, and Marlene and Dorcas jump to action.
"Hello," she greets her friends. "Let's find a table, shall we? Marls, I'll see you in a bit." Dorcas leads her friends inside.
A few moments later, Marlene shepherds the Gryffindors in after them. All this for naught, because to their dismay, the pub is full to the brim. There isn't a single table available for either group.
Sirius looks at James, winks, and steps forward. Ah. The spotlight. He loves it. With a very casual, very studied swagger, Sirius wiggles his way through the two groups awkwardly standing there, including his brother and his friends, and leans his forearms on the bar.
"Rosie?"
The look of pure shock on Regulus' face is delightful. Most of the group—at least the Gryffindors—know Madam Rosmerta has a soft spot for Sirius. Regulus, apparently, did not know this. He looks downright scandalised.
Rosmerta waltzes into the bar, setting down empty mugs before coming to attend to Sirius. He leans forward a bit, tilting his head so his hair falls a certain way, then smiles at Rosmerta. When she blushes, Remus turns abruptly so he's facing the other way.
"Rosie, fairest lady in Hogsmeade. I am distraught," Sirius tells her, bringing a hand to his forehead dramatically.
Rosmerta chuckles fondly. "And how can I help?"
"You see, there's nowhere to sit," Sirius explains innocently. "And it's the last visit before the Christmas break."
Rosmerta shakes her head, grins at Sirius. "You'll be the death of me one of these days," she says, trying and failing to look like she's not loving the display Sirius is putting on for her.
"Never!" Sirius says. "You are my favourite landlady in the entire world. You know that." He winks, the flirt.
A girlish chuckle bubbles up Rosmerta's throat before she glances at the large group of students waiting for somewhere to sit. "Ah, alright. Come on, you lot. There's the private room at the back. No one's booked it today, so you can have it."
The relief sweeps through them like a wave. Lily, Remus and Mary head towards the door on the opposite side of the bar, Peter and Olive follow. James, however, hangs back because Regulus, Crouch and Rosier are in deep, furious, but impossibly quiet conversation with Dorcas. Sirius steps away from the bar and glances at his brother.
"They either sit with us, or they don't sit at all," he says, loud enough that they can hear it, but not so much they'd assume it was directed at them.
Regulus meets James' eye. They hold. James wants them to come. He won't touch him, because too many people in this group don't know, and shouldn't know, but just having him near would make him so happy.
And it's reasonable, right? He's Dorcas' best friend, and they are Dorcas' girlfriend's friends. It's not unheard of for this to happen. Granted, the whole house rivalry thing makes it a little awkward, but they're open minded people.
"Come on, babe," Marlene says, tugging on Dorcas' arm. "Bring your friends, too."
Marlene looks at the boys pointedly and to James' surprise, it's Crouch who breaks first. He rolls his eyes, smiles, and offers Marlene the crook of his elbow. "Go on, then. For Marls."
And that's how it happens. They all pile into the private room, large enough to host parties of about 30 people. Mary, Lily and Remus have moved the largest round table close to the fire and are already sitting. Olive is next to Mary, and Peter next to her. An empty seat on his other side. James and Regulus exchange a quick glance, a silent agreement to be strategic about this.
Crouch and Rosier want to sit with Marlene, so Dorcas takes the free side on Crouch's left. And Sirius claims the spot between her and Peter. That leaves two open together—one next to Rosier, the other next to Lily—for James and Regulus.
It works out too well and too easily, which makes James suspect that his friends were deliberate in making it happen. He's eternally grateful. Regulus, who is a lot less emotional about this sort of thing than James is, sits next to Rosier and makes a face of disgust when James take the seat next to him. James knows it's for show because his foot bumps against James' under the table and stays there, a light pressure that tells James Regulus is happy to be next to him.
Before the silence can get awkward, Rosmerta comes in to take their orders. Sirius is unwrapping himself from the layers he's wearing, and no one misses how Rosmerta's eyes linger a little too long on his abs when his t-shirt rides up as he takes off his jumper.
"Mulled beer," Remus says abruptly, forcing Rosmerta to look at him and away from Sirius.
There's a chorus of agreements. Marlene asks for something to eat, and ends up ordering chips for the entire table to nibble on. Sirius, resurfacing from his battle with his many clothes, asks for firewhisky because 'it's almost Christimas' and he is determined to get himself, and James suspects Remus, absolutely plastered.
"I think this calls for a game!" Marlene announces.
Dorcas sighs, looks over at her girlfriend. "Maybe we hold games for next time?"
Marlene looks at her like she's grown a second head. "We don't know there'll be a next time. I mean, look at Black. He's about to keel over from sheer disgust at sharing a table with Gryffindors!"
Everyone chuckles. Regulus rolls his eyes. Crouch, who is apparently on the same level of unhinged as Marlene, says, "What sort of game?"
Marlene beams at her unexpected ally and gets up so she can explain properly. "Well, obviously it has to be a game where people have to like, talk a bit. Because we don't know you, and you don't know us. Unfortunately, we just did never have I ever the other day."
"That's a good one," Rosier mutters, earning him an appreciative nod from Crouch.
Marlene continues, "Fear not. I have plenty of ideas. We can do Truth or Dare, Would You Rather, or Two Truths and One Lie."
People around the table exchange glances, considering. James is nervous. He wants to do this, badly, but he wants to do this without having to hide that Regulus is his boyfriend. This is already proving fucking hard, because he's already caught his hand twice on its way to Regulus' thigh. He's stopped himself in time, but still. They're in a danger zone.
Regulus looks equally wary. His eyes are narrowed, and he's watching Marlene like she might single him out and make him decide.
"Two Truths and One Lie requires too much thinking," says Lily, putting her hair up in a messy bun. "I would say Truth or Dare."
"No," Sirius says immediately. Abruptly. Everyone turns to look at him, and he shrugs. "Would You Rather is better."
Lily frowns at Sirius, because they usually get along and agree on this sort of thing easily. She lets it go with a quick glance at Remus, like she's suddenly understood why Sirius is refusing that specific game.
At the same time, Dorcas, bless her, jumps in to support Sirius' idea, which prompts Marlene to declare that's the game they're playing. Rosmerta comes with their orders, and there's a lull in activity while they all receive drinks and chips that James uses to glance over at Regulus.
He's so fucking gorgeous.
The tip of his nose is still a tad pink, though he's clearly warming up inside the pub. When he arrived, he was wearing a black cloak that's now draped over the back of his chair. The collar of his black shirt peaks out from under an elegant jumper, also black. James' gaze trails down, to Regulus' fingers which he's curled around his pint of mulled beer. Those rings are devilish. James is addicted to the feeling of them sliding over his skin.
"Right," Marlene says. "Since they're outnumbered, we'll let our Slytherin guests start. Evan?"
Rosier leans forward on the table and looks around. "I'll ask a question and everyone has to answer it, right?"
A round of nods. A few people are sipping their drinks a little nervously, Olive, Lily, and Remus amongst them. Not the Slytherins though. All four of them—Dorcas included—are one hundred percent unbothered.
"Would you rather never be able to go out during the day or never be able to go out during the night?" Rosier asks.
James is pleasantly surprised. It's an interesting question, and one that doesn't put him in any danger. He opens his mouth, and is beaten to the first answer by Sirius and Regulus who simultaneously say, "obviously not go out during the day."
Silence falls like an axe over the table as everyone registers what just happened. Sirius immediately looks away and James just won't have it. Why is everyone making this awkward for them? They're not really interacting, but also haven't made a big deal about being here, together. That's a huge step and James will protect this fragile truce with his life.
So, James scoffs, and says rather loudly, "You're both so wrong it's embarrassing. No doubt you want to be out during the day, stay in at night."
Sirius shoots him a grateful look just as Peter rallies, "Out during the day!"
Everyone else jumps in. Remus prefers the day, obviously. Lily prefers the night, for some reason. Mary struggles, but goes with day. Dorcas and Marlene agree on the night. Olive wants the day, possibly because that's what Peter chose, too.
Rosier leans back, looks at Crouch, and says, "Night." Crouch nods. "Yeah. Night."
That's everyone, and Rosier picks Mary to ask the next question. James winces a little, and Regulus leans closer and asks, "What?"
Pretending nonchalance, and that this is the first time James has ever spoken to Regulus, he says, "Mary loves questions about sex. Thinks it's hilarious."
"Oh," Regulus says, straightening back on his chair to look at the Gryffindor girl with concern.
Mary rubs her hands together, flicks her hair back. "Let's see… ah." She smiles wickedly. "Would you rather have sex with a mermaid whose upper body was human and lower body is that of a fish, or a fishperson whose upper body was fish and lower body was human?"
There's an appalled round of groans. Mary simply shrugs. "It's a perfectly valid question. I'll go first. Human upper body."
Lily drops her head back, eyes closed, and says to the ceiling, "Human upper body."
Olive is quick to follow with the same answer, and surprisingly so do Dorcas and Marlene. It's only the boys that are still pondering this. James can't decide. Because, well. His main problem is he cannot imagine it. Just. The only person he can imagine having sex with is Regulus and he is obviously not a merman in any configuration.
So. He tries to force his brain to imagine this. Would he rather Regulus' lower body and some fish head? Or… "Upper body," he blurts out. "I mean human upper body."
He sees the corner of Regulus' lip twitch, and then he says, "Lower body."
James has to physically restrain himself from questioning his boyfriend right there. What is wrong with James' face? Why does Regulus want rid of it? Does Regulus think he's ugly?
He's so caught up in his internal crisis that he misses everyone else's answers, but Sirius is drilling holes in the side of Remus' head—because Remus is refusing to look at him.
"Dorcas," Mary says. "Your turn. And make it fun!"
"By fun, she means dirty," Lily clarifies, like there was any doubt.
Dorcas rolls her eyes. Sirius pours a glass of firewhisky and pushes it across the table towards her. "Liquid courage!"
She snorts, but takes the shot and downs it. When the empty glass hits the table, she looks up with a wicked expression. "Alright. Would you rather not be able to use your hands during sex or not be able to see during sex?"
James is genuinely annoyed by this question. Why would he not want to see Regulus when they're having sex? He's beautiful. Glorious. He likes seeing him. Loves it. But also. James would possibly go mad if he couldn't touch him. Like. He's in pain just by thinking about it.
He risks a glance at his boyfriend and is rewarded with a look of pure distress on his face, like he too cannot fathom either or. It's quite refreshing, and James is ready to forgive him for the fish thing.
Sirius replies first, "I'd rather not use my hands, so I can see." And he says this staring straight at Remus, who is stubbornly looking away.
Crouch and Rosier do, though, based on the surprised glance they exchange. James shifts on his chair. Sirius is making a point, but he's also putting himself in danger. They have no idea how Dorcas' friends would react. As far as they know, they're fine with Dorcas but that could be the exception.
"Use hands, not see," says Remus.
"I'd rather use my hands and not see, if it's just the once," says Mary, casually. "Or if the person is ugly."
"Yeah. Use hands, not see," Lily adds.
It strikes James as quite telling that the people choosing not to see are the people without partners. His brain revolts again the mere thought, but James knows if he was going to sleep with a stranger, he'd also rather use hands than see. His answers are extremely biased because of how absurdly gone he is for his boyfriend.
"See, no hands," Rosier says.
Crouch, who has just got a shot from Sirius, looks at him a little alarmed. "Really?"
Rosier chuckles, then nods. Crouch frowns. "I rather hands no see."
Dorcas nudges Crouch with her knee, and he seems to snap out of whatever was happening to look at Sirius. "Another shot, Black."
He complies. Marlene and Dorcas both want to see, and so does Peter. Regulus is last, and he says, "No hands. I like to see."
Sirius wrinkles his nose, looks away like he cannot believe his little brother has the audacity to have a preference at all. James, who can pick up on the subtle emphasis in Regulus' voice, a little note that was just for him, twitches in his trousers. This just won't do. He cannot get hard here. Absolutely not. He needs the conversation to move away from sex. Immediately. For the sake of his sanity.
Fortunately for him, Sirius chooses that moment to pull out his pack of cigarettes. "Anyone?"
Regulus reaches over the table and plucks one out of the pack like everyone in the room isn't internally freaking out to see the Black brothers interact. He should get an award for nonchalance, James thinks. Lily takes one, too, which surprises James but whatever she likes, you know? None of his business.
There's a small muscle twitching on Remus' jaw, and James knows it's the effort not to take one, too. Honestly? Remus is being fucking absurd.
Sirius pockets the pack, and then the room is filled with smoke, and it's Olive's turn to ask a question. This works for James, because she asks something inane like would you rather only eat broccoli or only eat sausage for the rest of our life.
This prompts Crouch and Rosier to start laughing like madmen, which nobody truly gets, but alright. At least, it has moved on from sex and James can relax.
The rest of the afternoon goes on like that. People get progressively drunk, which ends up with them abandoning would you rather to sing sea shanties, for some reason.
There's more smoking, and then people are doing shots aggressively. Three hours in, Sirius has accomplished his goal of getting hammered and is slurring his words hanging off Lily's shoulders. She's sloshed, too, and hiccupping as she explains something to Sirius that James can't hear.
Peter and Olive are asleep on a sofa against the wall. Dorcas and Marlene are making out in the corner and everyone else is pretending it's not happening. Thankfully, they're keeping it all very civilised. No clothes have been discarded. Crouch and Rosier are talking to Remus. Now, this is an interesting development.
James sits on his chair, playing with an empty shot glass, and watches Remus gesture to a cigarette that Crouch has half-smoked. Crouch asked to try a cigarette approximately thirty minutes into this soiree and has declared several times since that he's been missing out. Anyway. Remus takes Crouch's cigarette and inhales. Rosier watches with an amused smirk.
"Don't turn around. Pretend I'm not here," Regulus says, sitting behind him and facing the wall. "Why is Lupin pissed at Sirius?"
This is ridiculous. Honestly. Everyone is drunk, and very much not paying attention to them. James doesn't want to talk to the air. He turns, though not completely. Just enough that Regulus can see his profile. A compromise, James thinks.
"He's not angry," James replies quietly. "It's complicated."
"Does Lupin know Sirius is obsessed with him?"
James smiles. "No. He's no idea."
"He's an idiot, then," Regulus declares. "And here I thought he had potential."
"For what?"
"You know," Regulus says vaguely.
Something in his tone makes James turn a bit more, shoot Regulus an amused glance. "Godric Gryffindor on a broom. Is there anyone that hasn't had a crush on Remus at some point?"
Regulus scowls deeply. "No crush. But I have eyes. He's attractive.
"Maybe you should tell him," James says, reclining on his chair. "Perhaps he'll finally start believing it."
"I'm going to bully Barty and Evan into leaving," Regulus says. "And then I'm going to the Come and Go Room."
James groans in relief, drops his head back. Fucking finally. He's been in pain all day. Thought Regulus was never going to suggest it.
"Well then," he looks at Regulus out of the corner of his eye. "What are you waiting for?"
Swiftly, Regulus stands and crosses the space to interrupt his friends' conversation with Remus. Two minutes later, they're out the door. James doesn't even make it to ten before he's hurrying out, too.
You'd think the neatly wrapped package in Regulus' pocket is made of acid from the way it's burning a hole in his clothes. He's pacing, which is unlike him and unbecoming but well. The alternative is to bite his nails to the quick and that he cannot do. James likes his hands, and Regulus will not damage them.
Pacing it is.
The Come and Go Room delivered, as it always does, on Regulus' request for a cosy, winter cabin. It's the last night in the castle before Christmas break and he wanted to do something for James, because it turns out that James loves Christmas.
He's so freaking excited about Christmas you'd think he's six.
For the past couple of days, his plans for the holiday are all he's talked about. He's going to be so busy over the break Regulus genuinely feels exhausted just from listening to him. Sirius and Lupin are spending the break at Potter Manor, too. Well. Obviously, Sirius is, because he lives there now. But so is Lupin, and Regulus thinks this is interesting.
The night after Hogsmeade, Regulus tried to needle information about the Sirius-Lupin situation out of James. James, who is so fucking loyal it's actually a bit scary, didn't spill a single bean. Still. Regulus saw what he saw. Sirius likes Lupin, and Lupin is being fucking stupid about it for some reason.
He wonders if Christmas at the Potters will change things between them.
Personally, Regulus has always been rather impartial to Christmas. This year, he loathes the very idea because it's stealing two full weeks of his very limited time with James. Come the second of January, Regulus will have three months left. A little less, because he realises that he cannot just… keep things as they are now and then blindside James with a random breakup. He'll have to build up to it, somehow.
The thought makes the blood curdle in his veins. Three months isn't long enough. But three months is all he has.
A light creak alerts him to the door opening, then James is walking inside.
"Hi," James says. Regulus is immediately on alert, because James is being shy and James is not shy. At all. Ever.
Still hovering near the door, James smiles at Regulus, then rubs the back of his neck. Ah. He's nervous. Regulus wonders what part is making him uneasy for exactly one second before James, who has the impulse control of a four year old, crosses the space in three powerful strides and presents Regulus with a gift, beaming so hard it's got to be hurting his cheeks.
"I just wanted to get you something for Christmas," James says quickly, excitedly. "And I know I can't mail it to you, so I thought I'd give it to you tonight. I hope that's okay? I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to feel like you had to get me anything. I still just wanted to give this to you."
On James' upturned palms is a square shaped present wrapped in brilliant red paper and tied with a golden ribbon. It's so fucking wholesome Regulus could cry.
He's received presents before. Plenty of them. He'll wake up Christmas morning to a collection of beautifully wrapped gifts under the tree that Kreacher dutifully puts up every December 5th at Walburga's instruction.
But it's all very… cold. Very protocolary. They're rich and so they're expected to gift expensive things to each other. So, they do. There's no… emotion behind it.
James, on the other hand, is presenting his gift to Regulus and vibrating with excitement. He's so earnest in it, so eager, so fucking adorable. Without opening it, Regulus knows this is the best gift he's ever been given, and will remain so for the rest of his life.
Careful not to knock the gift out of James' hand, Regulus leans in and kisses him. Sweet and soft, because they can do that too. Hungry and desperate happens more often, true, but not always.
"You're not mad?" James asks hopefully.
"That you got me a present?"
"Yes?"
"Should I be?" Regulus asks, genuinely lost.
James shrugs. "You don't like surprises."
Ah. Well. Yes. That is true, but he can make an exception. Regulus adopts a haughty air, lifting his chin a little bit just to watch James squirm.
Then, he says, "This one time, I'll live. Also…" Regulus' lips curl, and he extracts the packet from his own pocket.
James' face transforms into an expression of such pure joy Regulus feels it in his soul. Giddy, James takes the silver-wrapped gift with careful fingers, still holding Regulus' present out to him.
"You can't open it until Christmas morning," Regulus tells him. "I put a spell on it."
"You did what?" James is aghast.
He immediately attempts to tear the paper only to find that Regulus' wand work is, in fact, impeccable and that silver wrapping will not be coming off until December 25th.
James pouts, big hazel eyes round and sad behind his glasses. "Why would you do that?"
"It's a Christmas present," Regulus insists. "I shouldn't be opened until Christmas. That's how it works."
"You like torturing me," James protests, turning the gift in his hand. He sighs, then smiles at Regulus. "Thank you. I'm sure I'm going to love it."
Regulus takes the red gift, feels the weight of it. "I have to leave this here."
Immediately, James' face falls. All the joy evaporates and there's desolation in its place. "Why?"
"My mother periodically goes through my things," Regulus informs him.
"It's not big," James tells him. "It's easy to hide. And it's not… ehm… it's not obvious that I gave it to you. Like, it's not obviously… ehm, romantic."
This makes Regulus curious. He expected something very over the top and romantic, because that's James. To be clear: Regulus likes that James is over the top and romantic. But he cannot expose them like this in Grimmauld place. Not if he wants to live past Christmas Day.
"If I were to open this in front of my parents," Regulus says. "What would they think?"
James takes out his wand and taps the package, turning the vibrant colours from red and gold to green and silver. "That you got it from a school friend. I promise you, it's not dangerous."
Regulus considers this, then pockets the present. "Very well. I'll open it on Christmas Day." He looks at James, smiles. "Merci beaucoup."
Joy is back on James' face, together with a faint blush. Regulus likes it when James blushes because it's not obvious at all. You have to watch for it, the subtle changes that tell him James is bashful, and shy, and downright adorable.
Regulus sits on the sofa in front of the fireplace and waits for James to have a look around the place he's asked the Room to create for today. It's essentially a hunting cabin. Wood walls and floors, thick rugs, huge chimney, cosy sofas. It's less sexy than their usual. There isn't even a bed here. That's deliberate.
Sex is still very much bouncing around in Regulus' brain. Still very much a thing he wants to do with James. But they've come this far without that part, and Regulus finds that he'd rather wait until the new year because he does not want James to think that was the goal.
Also, a part of Regulus is a little nervous that once they do that James might… lose interest. And two weeks is a long time. Regulus thinks perhaps it's in his best interest to wait until they're back from break.
"I like it here," James says, coming to join Regulus on the sofa. "Is this somewhere you've been before?"
The sofa indents when James sits, and Regulus allows gravity to work, bringing him closer to James' body. Regulus shakes his head. "I asked for a winter cabin, this is what we got."
"I still owe you a ride over the snow," James tells him.
Regulus' heart skips a beat, which is frankly so cliché he cannot even think it without wanting to cringe. But what is he supposed to do? For him, that broom ride was the beginning. Doesn't matter that it took them a while to kiss, or to admit they liked each other this way. There's a before the broom ride and an after.
"It hasn't snowed," Regulus replies.
James rolls his eyes. "I know! Outrageous!" He exclaims. Then, softer, "I just meant I haven't forgotten. I will show you what it looks like when it's all white and beautiful."
Regulus lies down, head on James' lap, and stretches on the sofa. James' hand plunges into his hair, begins gently massaging his scalp. A happy sigh escapes Regulus, and they stay that way in silence for a bit. The fire cracks and flickers, sending the shadows skittering around the room. There are no windows here, which is a shame. Regulus would like to look at the stars.
His thoughts drift to Sirius. Inevitably. They do a lot, these days. Sirius has kept his word and hasn't tried to seek him out again after their conversation in the Astronomy Tower.
But Regulus would be lying if he tried to pretend that he didn't enjoy being in the pub with him and James the other day. There were too many people for his liking. He's always preferred smaller groups. Thrives when it's just him and one other person, perhaps two.
Still. It was an interesting experience watching his brother with his friends. Witnessing Sirius in his world. It comes so easy to him. He's a natural at garnering attention. So cool and collected, yet funny and dramatic at the same time.
Regulus could never, and not just because he doesn't like people very much. He's also just not… he's not funny. He's not a great conversationalist. He's…
"Stop that," James says softly, pressing a finger between Regulus' eyebrows. "Don't think bad thoughts."
Surprised, Regulus blinks up at James. His finger traces the shape of one of Regulus' eyebrows, then the other. It feels nice. Regulus' eyes flutter shut.
"Do you want to tell me what you were thinking?"
Without opening his eyes, Regulus says, "No. I don't."
James is smiling, Regulus can feel it. His fingers trace the lines of Regulus' face, slowly, carefully, reverently. Regulus doesn't move, barely even breathes. He lets James explore as he will.
"I'm going to miss you," James says. Fingertips featherlight on Regulus' lips. "I hate that I can't even write to you."
Pathetically, Regulus' heart skips yet another beat. Honestly. Since James woke it up, the thing won't behave. It's wild. Accelerates whenever James is around. Goes absolutely feral if he takes his clothes off. Regulus has no control of the bloody thing. And yet, he can't say he preferred the cage of bones and the cold.
He'll go back to that soon enough, so he's trying to embrace the life inside his chest while it's there.
"It's just two weeks," Regulus says.
"Two weeks and four days," James tells him primly. "And yes, I've counted."
"Same thing," Regulus says. "Not long, is it? It'll be fine."
"Right, yeah, I guess," James mutters.
"It'll be busy, anyway," Regulus tells him. "You've got a million plans. I've got… formalities."
"Oh." James' hands withdraw from his skin.
Regulus scowls, opens his eyes. James looks a little hurt and Regulus doesn't understand why. It's all been so nice, hasn't it? They exchanged gifts, albeit a little awkwardly, and now they're on the sofa just enjoying the company.
Sitting up, Regulus picks apart the conversation, wondering where it went wrong. Nervous.
"James?"
"You haven't told me your plans for Christmas," James says, a little stiffly.
Alarmed, Regulus jerks back a little. "No, I haven't."
"Why?"
Because I don't want to talk about the boring dinners I'll have to attend. The stuffy rooms. The protocol.
"Not everyone loves the holiday the way you do," Regulus says instead. It comes out a little snappy, with more bite than he intended.
"But you'll be busy," James says.
Shrugging, Regulus runs a hand over his curls. He's so confused by this conversation. The hostility simmering under the exchange. It's… unusual. Regulus has no idea how to navigate it.
"Yes, that's what I said, James," Regulus snaps. "What's this about?"
"Nothing," James mutters.
Then, to Regulus' absolute horror, he gets up a little abruptly, walks away. Not towards the door, so Regulus isn't full on panicking yet. But he's walking away. Towards the wall. And fuck. What did he do? What is happening?
The thing about James and Regulus is that they haven't had a fight. Not once in the two months and change they've been together. Some bickering, perhaps. Light disagreements, mostly about Quidditch teams and banal things like that.
Yes, Regulus is a bit mean to James sometimes. Calls him an idiot more often than not. Gets fussy about certain things. And even when Regulus is a little moody, James has always indicated that he likes it. He smiles if Regulus tells him he's stupid, kisses Regulus deeply when he's fussy.
James has never walked away first. Never shown the faintest sign of real irritation towards Regulus. This isn't Angry James. This is… something else. Because Angry James is flustered and demanding Regulus' attention, which is hot as fuck. Now? James is facing the fucking wall, seemingly lost in thoughts that are pushing him away from Regulus.
Regulus hates this. With a passion. Hates it so much he feels it in the back of his throat. Because he's staring at the back of James' head, and there's a pit in his stomach that grows and grows every second James isn't smiling at him.
Did he mess it up already? So quickly? Regulus is rotten, broken. He knew it was a matter of time before James got tired of him, but he was counting on that time being a little longer. Just. Three months. He only needed three more months.
He's not getting them, obviously. Well, then. It was nice while it lasted, Regulus supposes.
Clearing his throat to push down the ball lodged there, he says, "Have a good Christmas, then."
Regulus opens the door. Hesitates. Steps through the threshold. Closes the door behind him. The click of it triggers something inside of his chest. The heart that beats to James' tune thrashing like he's fighting what's coming. Regulus takes a shuddering breath. He's going to break. He can't do it here.
Fucking fitting, isn't it? He thought his days of hiding in rooms to have crises about James Potter were over. Obviously not.
Swallowing thickly, Regulus squares his shoulders. He can make it to the nearest room. Just has to hold on a little longer. Walk like nothing can touch him. Be the Heir to the House of Black. Untouchable. Unbreakable because he's already in pieces inside.
Regulus fits his mask over his face, clinging to the numbness with both hands. It's armour, and it's what he presents to the world, but it also helps him keep his emotions in check. He's the master of his body and it—
The door opens, and James appears, looking distraught and relieved at the same time. "Wait. Don't go."
Regulus hears choirs singing hallelujah. James came after him. Thank Merlin and every other deity, magical or otherwise. But his mask is in place, and he's reeling. He's hurt. And he lashes out despite his relief, or perhaps because of it.
"Bit late," he drawls.
Turning on his heels, he walks down the corridor. Each step makes him more anxious than the previous one, but he cannot stop. Will not stop. He's done this, and now has to see it through. James isn't following. Why is James not following?
Regulus reaches the first corner. If he turns, it's over. He won't see James until after Christmas and… fuck. Two weeks, and he's going to leave it like this? On a fight he doesn't even understand?
But what is Regulus supposed to do? James started this, and he hasn't even said why he's upset. Is Regulus meant to just take it? He won't. Never.
And yet… what if James just doesn't care? What if he's happy for it to end in this argument and then Regulus comes back to school in January and James doesn't want to fix it?
The mere idea makes him feel hollow.
That's why Regulus swallows a bit of his pride and looks back before he turns the corner, straight into James' eyes who's watching him with a distressed and hesitant expression.
When he's past the angle of the wall and loses sight of James, Regulus hears pounding steps. James is running after him. And Regulus stops walking and waits.
James takes the corner at breakneck speed, clearly thinking Regulus had kept walking, and collides with him brutally. They fall down, tangled limbs and robes. Regulus hits his elbow on the floor and cusses loudly. James hits his chin, and his face scrunches in pain.
Somewhere in the near distance, a cat meowls. Regulus and James look at each other, panic, and scramble to their feet. The Room is waiting for them like it knew all along that they'd be back. They collapse inside, swearing and aching.
Regulus looks up. "You're bleeding," he says to James.
The other boy touches his chin. His fingers come away coated in red. It's running down his neck, staining his robes. "Ah. Shit."
"Look up," Regulus instructs, taking out his wand.
Gash healed and blood cleaned, the two of them stand in front of the other, wary and confused. At least Regulus. He still doesn't understand what just happened, but he'd be lying if he said he's not glad to be back in here. They can fix it still. Maybe.
"What the fuck, James?" he asks.
"You didn't say it back," James mutters. "It's stupid. I know. But I… you're so unbothered by it. And I thought, maybe. You don't care like I care. And well. That's okay. That's fine. But I…"
Bewildered, Regulus interrupts James' little rant. He needs clarification. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm going to miss you like crazy," James says. He swallows thickly, then sets his chin like he's determined to be brave about this. "And you are not bothered. And that's fine. I… I'm sorry I reacted badly. I just needed a moment to compose myself. I didn't want to overwhelm you with… ehm… my emotions."
Oh.
Oh. Fuck.
Who's the idiot now? How did Regulus miss this? Salazar's cape on a pole. He should be put in boyfriend jail.
"James," he says, stepping up to him. "I—" The words stick to his tongue. Refuse to leave his lips. "I'm just—"
"Fuck this shit," Regulus says, then grabs James by the collar and hauls him in to crash their mouths together.
James lets out a little 'oh' of surprise and delight before his hands curl around Regulus' neck, deepening their kiss. Regulus runs his tongue over the seam of James' lips, and he obliges him, opening them so their tongues can meet.
How could James think even for a second that Regulus isn't going to miss him? Merlin's beard on fire. Preposterous.
Regulus doesn't know how to say it. How to form words. But he can show James. He can. He will. He's doing it. He's already missing this even though they're not yet apart, and he'll do his damn best to make sure James knows it.
His hands run over James' body, worshiping him the way he deserves, because he's the sun made flesh and there should be hordes of people bowing at his feet. Regulus leaves James' mouth so he can latch his lips to the strong curve of his neck, biting a little, then soothing the place with his tongue.
James makes a sound of pure ecstasy, so Regulus does it again.
They tumble towards the sofa, but never make it that far. Instead, they go down on the rugs in front of the fireplace, discarding their clothing as they go. The ochre hues of the flames dance on James' skin, turning it bronze, like the statues that represent heroes of old.
Regulus could build him a statue. He deserves one, he thinks.
Usually, James takes control of these things. Not always, but almost. And Regulus, who's been firmly against giving up even an ounce of control for as long as he can remember… well, he loves it. Only with James. Only for James. But he does get lost in the feelings and forgets to be worried about who's doing what and why. He likes giving it up for James.
But he likes this, too. Today, James is just letting him dictate what happens. How far they go tonight. It's not always the same. Sometimes it's hands and mouths. Sometimes is just one or the other. Sometimes it's neither.
They've lost all their clothing now, and it's skin sliding against skin and dirty kisses that are driving Regulus mad with want. But what does he want? He wants it all.
Regulus hesitates, pushing himself up on his elbows to look at James, lying on the rug under him. He wants to have him. In every way a person can have another. It's not the first time Regulus has had this thought, but it's the first time he can make it happen. If he dares. If he wants to.
He'd come here with a pre-made decision not to bring this up. Because of the time apart, and how nervous it makes him that James might regret it. Regulus gets in his head, and naturally he assumes that James does too. So. He'd thought it best not to approach it until January.
But now… James is so beautiful. Perfect and strong and naked and right here.
His resolve is crumbling like pastries. Regulus kisses James again, fighting with himself over whether he's brave enough to bring it up. To risk James saying no. He'll die if James says no.
"Reg," James says, panting. Regulus' mouth is nibbling at James' collarbone, distracting him, but he still manages to form words, somehow. "Would you… Do you… maybe. Want to, ehm. Do you want to have sex? I mean, like, you know. That."
Oh, how wrong he was.
He's going to die now.
From sheer excitement.
Fuck.
James wants it, too.
"Yes," Regulus says so quickly he's certain James will think him pathetic and desperate.
Wide-eyed, James takes Regulus' face between his hands and looks him in the eye. "Thank Merlin," he kisses him quickly, then sits up, adjusting Regulus on his lap. "We should… ehm. Talk about it. Before?"
"No," Regulus says, mutinous. "We should just do it."
The chuckle that falls from James' lips is too delicious for Regulus not to swallow it with a kiss. When he breaks away again, James' eyes are dark. The way they get when Regulus touches him or drops to his knees. It bodes well.
"I've never done it before," James says, cautiously. "And you said you hadn't either?"
"We're smart people. We can figure it out."
James grins. "Oh. I'm smart now?"
The eyeroll he gives James is mighty. Regulus just doesn't want to be talking. Not right now. He's naked, sitting on top of his boyfriend who is also naked. Why aren't they making out? Honestly.
"You're still an idiot," Regulus says, hands snaking down to grab James. "But you're good with this, so."
James groans when Regulus' fingers close on his hardness. Triumphant, Regulus kisses his jaw. This will end the talking, surely.
"Reg," James pants. "Oh fuck."
Yes. Talking is over. Regulus twists his body, bringing his legs to straddle James' hips. It gets very hot very quickly, kisses sloppy and hungry. Regulus' hand strokes get a little clumsy and he decides to stop because he does want to have sex and he's not going to sabotage himself.
This is obviously a mistake because James regains his wits as soon as Regulus isn't touching him down there. "Wait. Reg."
"What now?"
"Well," James says, pushing back the curls stuck to Regulus' forehead. "If we can't talk about it, we shouldn't be doing it. So, either we talk about it, or keep doing this. Which, for the record, is fucking amazing and more than enough for me."
Regulus leans back, closes his arms over his chest a bit petulantly. "I can talk about it."
"Can you?" James' right eyebrow flies up.
To his absolute horror, Regulus feels the blush spreading across his chest, over his face. Mortifying. Why is this happening? He wants this. He knows he does. Has been obsessed with the idea for weeks and weeks. He's sixteen. Old enough to do what he wants to do. He has a boyfriend he trusts with this. James will be so nice about the whole thing. Caring and gentle. Textbook perfect person to do this with for the first time ever.
Regulus thinks, logically, he should just be able to do it. Say it.
It's just. Regulus wants this so fucking bad. Why is he so nervous now?
James softens, and kisses Regulus' shoulder. "I just… we shouldn't rush it."
But they're not, are they? Nothing about this is rushed. He knows how he feels. James is the right person. The one he wants. Time is inconsequential when you just know. And Regulus is sure because he is—
He is—
Ah, for fuck's sake. It's not like anyone can hear his thoughts. Regulus lets out a shaky breath that James reads some other way because he's back at nibbling at his collarbone. Regulus' fingers card through the mess of James' hair, always sticking up in random directions. His glasses are somewhere on the floor.
This man. This one. With his obnoxiously loud voice and jokes, over the top passion for Quidditch and less than ideal fashion sense. With his annoying friends—which include Sirius, unfortunately—and his unerring loyalty. With his warmth, and joy, and earnestness. Overwhelming, but in the best way. Relentless, but gentle with boundaries.
James Potter is everything Regulus wanted even before he knew it was what he needed. The sun that thawed the frozen landscape of his chest and made a broken heart beat again.
Regulus is—
He can't ignore it any longer. Can't deny it.
Regulus is in love with James.
There. He thought it. Out loud inside his brain.
The truth. Terrifying and all encompassing. Regulus loves James and he wants James and if he can't get his shit together and say that last part, he's going to regret it.
And Regulus finds that the words for this do come up. It's uncomfortable, and he'd rather not, but he doesn't struggle like with that I'll miss you too he couldn't utter. This one, he can do. He takes a deep breath. He won't let this get in the way.
Regulus pulls James' hair so his head falls back and he can look James in the eye to say, "I want us to fuck."
James makes a noise of shock, eyes going wide. His pupils eat the hazel colour of his irises. Now who's blushing? Regulus looks at him with a smirk.
"Well?"
"Yes," James says quickly. "Yes. Okay. I…" He fishes around for his wand, then summons a small bottle. "We need this."
Regulus has no idea what the bottle is for, but he's not about to betray how fucking clueless he is about the entire thing to James. It's not Regulus' fault, okay? There aren't books about this in the library. He's checked. And he couldn't… he thought about asking Barty, but then he'd have to explain, and Regulus doesn't want any more people to know about James.
Secrets get harder to keep under control the more ears that hold them.
James unscrews the bottle, and tips it over his hand to show Regulus a transparent, thick substance. "It's lube. So it, you know, works. Otherwise, we can get hurt."
"I knew that," Regulus says. He did not, but now that James explained it, it makes sense. Okay. They need this, and they have it. So, they're good, no?
Amusement flits through James' face. He puts down the bottle, then gives Regulus a kiss so quick and unexpected he can't even kiss back before James is talking again.
"Do you have any idea what you want? How you want to do it?" James asks him.
This, Regulus was expecting. A decision has to be made, right? There's no way around that. It's how it works. What does Regulus want? He has literally no idea. He just wants James. Any way he can have him.
"Do you?"
James tilts his head, then bites his lip. He looks away, blushing again, and Regulus wants to crack his head open and peek inside. What is he thinking? Regulus wants to know. Desperately.
"Tell me," he demands.
"Can we do both?" James asks, closing his eyes like if he can't see Regulus, he won't be embarrassed about the whole thing. "Obviously, one has to go first. But… I don't know what I like. And I thought… I'm curious. I want to try both."
His boyfriend is a genius. Regulus will have to rethink the whole idiot thing. Genuinely, Regulus has never been presented with a better proposition in his entire life. He surges forward and kisses James, catching him off guard.
"Yes," Regulus says against his lips. "Fuck. Yes."
James gasps, and then his hands are on Regulus' waist, and they're kissing and grinding against each other to rekindle the passion that dimmed while they sorted out logistics. It roars to life, a fire fuelled by how much they want each other, which is still a bit unbelievable to Regulus, but it is, and he's so fucking grateful.
Notes:
Just needed to rant a little bit about a few things in this chapter :)
DORCAS MEADOWES is friendship goals. Not gonna lie. I mean, Prongsfoot own my heart but they're like a platonic soulmates situation. Dorcas? BFF FOREVER.
Not Rosmerta struggling to keep a straight face with Sirius. Like, ma'am.. I get it. But also, he's taken. Take the hints Remus is not so subtly dropping.
Speaking of - REMUS LUPIN PLEASE STOP THIS. Genuinely, the man has so much guilt and self hate? Like babe. Get over it. Sirius is DESPERATE. He's out here making eyes and batting his lashes and wearing make up and you're just being a stubborn little idiot. PLEASE (I love him)
Regulus messing with James through his answers in Marlene's game is so funny. James 'am I ugly? why does he want a fish?' Potter is CONFUSED. Poor baby. Regulus is such a little shit for that. Also, he may or may not have been thinking about James' slutty thighs. Just saying.
And finally... REGULUS 'I'm in love' BLACK. HELP He's so precious. I'm deceased. Also, he will NOT voice these feelings LMAO He's so unwell, my poor baby. But he's like, just so happy he gets to have James for a while 3 UGH. And Regulus putting himself in boyfriend jail? He's so funny to me. I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOUR.
Also (x2), James getting sad Reg didn't say I'm gonna miss you then running after him? GIVE THAT MAN A MEDAL.
Anyway, sorry, I had a lot of feels for this chapter because it felt so important coming after the Black Brothers Angst (tm) chapter. I think it came out quite alright :D
Thanks for reading!
Solmussa