We have been playing Monopoly for an hour. Stef and I are the most competitive. We decided to do teams since there are so many of us. Mariana and I are together, Jude and Lena, Jesus and Brandon, and Stef said she wanted to be alone. She is super competitive and likes to win. If she is by herself she can easily play dirty. Stef and I have been bantering about who is going to win the entire time. I have had to hold my tongue a few times so that I don't say anything that gets me in more trouble. I have a feeling this game is going to take more than one day. Stef won't let us quit until someone wins either. She will make us play until one person or team is left. It is hard because we all own some property but no one actually owns enough to build any hotels or houses so it is dragging on.
Mariana and I are at one end with Jesus and Brandon to our right and Jude and Lena to our left. Stef is across from us on the other end. This is actually perfect because I am close to Mariana and can whisper to her without others hearing.
"Mom's grounded me for another week." I whisper to Mari annoyed.
"Why?!" She whispers loudly. This causes Stef and Lena to glance over at us. I smack Mariana under the table and smile innocently at Stef and Lena.
I wait for them to look away and then whisper, "I slammed a door in Stef's face." I can't help but realize how ridiculous that sounds after it leaves my mouth. I look over to Mariana who gasps loudly and puts her hand over her mouth. We now have everyone's attention at the table. I think Lena and Stef think something is wrong because they look worried. I turn to look at Mariana and she starts busting out laughing. She doesn't even try to hide her laughter.
"You are insane!" she whispers laughing again. I can't help but laugh along with her. I AM crazy. I almost wish I could have seen the entire scene play out. I feel like I would have gasped too if I watched myself slam a door in Stef's face. I definitely am the kid with the most guts because no one else would ever dare do that to either mom. It is quiet except for our laughter and everyone is waiting for an explanation. I am not about to explain.
"Sorry," I say.
"What is so funny?" Lena asks amused.
"Inside joke. You wouldn't get it." Mariana adds quickly. I just nod along as everyone continues to stare at us. "So whose turn is it?" Mari adds again trying to get the attention off of us.
"Ours", says Jude referring to him and Lena.
"So how long now?" Mariana whispers again.
"Two weeks," I say annoyed.
"Hey peanut gallery!" Stef shouts playfully from the other end of the table. "Stop whispering and spend time with us." I can't help but give her a dirty look. I have a feeling my time to talk with Mariana, without other ears, is going to be very limited so any chance I have to talk with her I try.
"Well, if you would let us talk we wouldn't have to whisper," I mumble.
"Want to say that louder Callie?" Stef says, warning me to lose my attitude. I just sigh and pick up the dice. I am about to roll, but I decide against it. It is my turn to roll but I let Mari do it instead. I decide I will let her do everything from now on. It will get under Stef's skin if I refuse to play. I smirk and look at Stef challenging her. Her eyes get serious as she squints at me. It is another warning. I lean back in my chair and let Mari go. I feel the urge to cut again. Sometimes the temptation hits me so randomly. I don't even know where it comes from.
"Should we buy this property?" Mari asks me. Stef has the other two that belong. I know she won't give them to us so it would probably be a waste of money but I don't want Stef to get it. She has been waiting to buy this piece of property the entire game. It would probably be a favor to everyone if we didn't buy it and waited for her to get it because then the game would actually end but I can't have Stef beating me.
I look at Stef and say, "We most DEFINITELY should," I laugh. Stef gives me an evil look and pouts.
"Sorry, not sorry." I say as I grab the property card. I kiss it and earn laughs from all my siblings while they look at a distraught Stef.
I need to go to the bathroom. I start to feel uneasy because every time I try to leave the room I get asked lots of questions. I decide to bite the bullet.
"Uhm, I need to go to the bathroom. I will be right back." I stand up and walk quietly to the bathroom door. I feel a presence behind me. I figure it is Stef so I turn around ready to snap, but it is Lena instead.
"Oh," I say softly.
"You thought I was Stef" Lena states confidently. I just shrug. "Baby?" I just look at Lena, not sure what to say. "Why do you only push Mom and not me?" I smile at this. Is Lena jealous?
"You are too nice." I say cautiously. I don't really know how to say this to her. I mean obviously Stef is nice too. I just feel like Stef will understand more because we are so much alike. "Besides, Stef would literally kill me if I tried to push you in that way. She makes it impossible. I guess I shouldn't be admitting to pushing you guys. I don't know Lena, I can't help it my walls just come up. I think it is partially a defense mechanism but I don't want to hurt your feelings." I am not sure if that was the right thing to say or not. I am confused when I try to figure out why I only challenge Stef like that.
"I'll be waiting out here. Don't lock the door. You have five minutes, starting now." Lena says strongly. Is she mad at me?
Well I guess that conversation is over. I hurry in the bathroom. I finish with three minutes left and begin to dig around looking for something sharp. I have used one minute already just searching. Finally I look in a bag filled with nail polish and find a metal nail file. My heart starts pounding. I need to act now. I know I have to keep it stored here because I can't risk bringing it out. Stef will surely find it.
I roll up my sleeve and look down at my arm. I can't decide if I should cut there or not. Maybe further up on my arm? I try and think about a spot people never see. My stomach seems like the best place. I don't wear bikinis because I am too self conscious so every article of clothing I own covers up my stomach. Perfect.
I have about one minute left. I quickly lift up my shirt and start to make one cut. It is not very sharp so I have to push very hard because it doesn't cut easily. I let out a small whimper as I finally break skin. Shoot, did Lena hear that?
I hear a knock and a frantic voice.
"Are you okay?" Lena says. I wasn't allowed to lock the door so if she opens it she will catch me.
"Yes, sorry. I stood up too fast. I am fine but still indecent. I will be out in one second." It goes quiet on the other end. I know they cleaned out all the sharp objects, or so they thought, so she must feel as though she has nothing to worry about. I quickly make four more cuts and place the nail file safely away. I grab some toilet paper and clean the wounds and then flush the evidence down. I get some Band-Aids, put them on my stomach, and wash my hands. I take a deep breath and open the door.
Lena is about one inch away from the door. She was listening. She just stares at me and studies me carefully. She looks into my eyes and it takes all of my strength to not show the fear I truly feel. My stomach hurts worse than when I cut on my arm. It took a lot more force to break skin and my stomach is throbbing. I return my confident gaze and clear my throat, breaking eye contact.
"Can we go back now Lena?" I say sweetly.
"Sure baby, let's go." She moves out of the way and holds her arm out for me to pass. We walk back in and thankfully everyone is occupied by the game. I go to sit down and wince on my way down. I try to recover before anyone notices. Thankfully I succeed. I am going to have to remember to be careful when I move so I can cover up the pain.
We have been into the game for a complete hour now and I can tell everyone has lost interest, even Stef. This game is a dud because no one owns enough property to actually make any money. I am hoping we can just be done or else it would take literally a month for someone to go bankrupt.
"Mom, I am so done with this game." Jude says impatiently. Sometimes it is weird to me that Jude calls Stef and Lena that but I actually get it. I want to do the same sometimes. It is different for Jude too because he doesn't even remember our own mother that well. I am glad he has found people that want to fill that motherly role for him. I have always done the best I can but I have not been able to be all that he needs. I am not even an adult yet.
I listen as everyone else agrees with them. I just stay quiet. I don't want to leave Mari and I know if we stop everyone will go off and do their own thing and I will have to stay with Mom's by myself.
I lean over to Mari and whisper, "Will you stay with me?"
She smiles at me and whispers, "Always."
I can't help but return her smile and rest my head on her shoulder. She leans her head on mine and we just stay like that. It is really cool to experience having a sister. I never thought I would have one and now I have a sister who is my best friend. I am so thankful for Mari. I am not sure what I would do without her.
We stay leaning on each other as I stare at the board game being cleaned up. I hear everyone talking and feel eyes on me but I just stare down at the table. I can't concentrate because I can only think about what I just did. I feel guilty but more worried. I have never felt this much pain from cutting before. It is like a burning, stinging, sensation that I can't explain. I wonder if Stef and Lena really meant it when they said they would be checking for new cuts? I start to panic at the thought of them finding my new cuts or of them taking the only sharp device I have access too away.
The board game is now cleaned up and I let myself listen to the conversation around me. Stef and Lena are the only ones left in the room, besides me and Mari. They are down at the other end talking to each other about plans for tomorrow. I hear the word beach and get excited. I love the beach and just want to get out of this house. It feels like a prison sometimes. I love it here so much but I am watched like a hound and a day at the beach would be so heavenly.
I sit up and put my head in my hand and find a new spot at the table. I may as well go to sleep. It must be at least 9:30 but what else am I going to do and my exhaustion is slowly taking over.
"Uhm, can I go to bed?" I say softly looking up to Stef and Lena. They give me a knowing smile and nod.
"Yes, sure love, lets go upstairs." Stef says standing up. I stand up with her and walk up the stairs. I start walking to my room but she grabs my wrist. I turn around and look at her.
"Love, you will be sleeping with Mama and I tonight." She says sternly but kindly.
"NO WAY!" I say too loudly. "I am 16, not five. I don't need to sleep in your room. Mari will be with me."
Lena walks next to us and looks at me so strong I talk a step back. "This is NOT up for discussion Sweetheart. Get your pajamas and go to our room. Your mother will stay with you while you get them. I will be waiting for you in there." I watch Lena walk off and I'm in shock. Lena definitely disciplines us but it is done differently. Stef is usually the one that lays down the law strictly and demandingly. I look up to Stef who is looking into her room that Lena just walked into.
"You heard her. Go." Stef says guiding me into my room. I quietly walk over to the dresser and grab some pajamas. I have to reach the bottom shelf and am afraid to because I know my stomach will hurt. I bit my lip so I don't voice any pain and quickly grab some shorts. I also grab a t-shirt. I mean Stef and Lena have already seen my cuts anyways.
I turn back around and walk out and head into Stef and Lena's room. Lena is sitting on the bed waiting for me.
"Come here honey." I am not afraid of what Lena will do but her behavior is definitely confusing me. I just obey and sit on the bed.
"Mom and I love you more than anything but you do NOT get to say no to us. We are the parents and you are the child. You are sleeping in here. I don't want to argue with you. You will get in trouble if you try to battle us about this, but the night will still end with you asleep in between the two of us. Do I make myself clear?" I just look at her and nod. When Lena lays down the law I can't help but just comply. With Stef I can push it first before I need to comply but for some reason I just find myself doing exactly what Lena orders.
"So are we going to have to fight some more or are we going to get ready for bed peacefully?" I don't really feel like speaking but I know she actually wants me to verbalize an answer.
"Peacefully," I say quietly.
"Great. You can change in the bathroom but the door stays open." She smiles at me and pats my back. I just get up and walk to the bathroom. I suddenly feel like a little kid who got reprimanded. I just want to cry honestly. I put my pajamas on and look down at my legs. They are really hairy. It is kind of embarrassing. I need to shave them before the beach.
I stick my head out feeling very shy and vulnerable. "Uhm, are we going to the beach tomorrow?" I say looking at their feet.
"Yes Sweets. Why?" Stef said.
"Well, I kind of… Well you see… My legs are really hairy." I can't help but blush a little. I don't know why. I just feel ridiculous that I have to ask to shave my legs and use a razor.
Lena notices the blush and comes and gives me a hug. "You know I love you right baby?" Lena says before kissing my temple.
I just nod.
"I know I was coming on pretty strong there I think we all just need a little break from the negativity and need to work on expressing love, not attitude." I can't help but smile. That sounded more like Lena. She is just as authoritative as Stef but they handle authority in different ways. It seems like Lena is trying to act like Stef more. I wonder if this has anything to do with our conversation by the bathroom door? Does she think I don't feel comfortable enough around her to push her? Is she jealous? I am so confused. Maybe I should ease up on the pushing for a few days and try to soak up the love. I mean I am getting adopted on Monday by these two beautiful women. Maybe I should tone it down a bit.
I just respond with another nod and she sighs a little bit. I think she thinks my lack of words means I am upset. I honestly am not sure how I feel. I don't really trust myself to say too many things when my emotions are high. I have no filter.
"Alright," Lena starts, "you can sit on the edge of the tub and shave. I will go get your razor." Lena looks to Stef who starts ushering me into the bathroom. Clearly they don't want me to see where they are storing them. I wouldn't be surprised if some of it was in Stef's safe. Probably the things that are needed frequently.
"Lena, grab mine too," Stef shouts. I look up at her with my eye brow turned up. "What? I haven't shaved in a long time either!" I just smirk. I watch as Stef gets two towels out and sets them on the edge of the tub. She motions for me to sit on the towel and she sits next to me on the other one. She turns the water on and begins to fill the tub with a few inches of water. Lena comes back in with a bottle of shaving cream and two razors. She gives Stef everything and they look at me. I can tell they are scared to hand it to me.
"You really think I would pull apart a razor and start cutting myself with the two of you in the bathroom with me?" This is why I should just not talk. I just speak the first thing on my mind. It was a little harsh to say but I think it actually helped reassure them a little bit.
"Here sweets." Stef says, handing me the razor. I take it in my hands and just stare at it. The blade is calling out to me. It is making my hands shake. I want it. I want it badly and that is scaring me. Compared to the nail file this would take me five seconds to make five cuts. It would make clean smooth cuts too.
"Callie." Stef said in a concerned voice. I can't look up at her. I just continue to stare at the razor and think of the possibilities. What has happened to me? Shouldn't having talked about Liam caused relief instead of given me a strong desire to cut? I know people always say that cutting can be an act of control. Is it because I feel so out of control when it comes to my feelings?
"Callie." It was said much louder this time. I could hear fear too. I finally look up at Stef and Lena. I realize I am grasping so tight to the razor my hand is white.
I can't do this. I can't shave my legs without cutting myself. I slowly losen my grip on the razor and mumble, "sorry."
"Can I have some shaving cream?" Stef and Lena share a glance. I don't think they want me doing this anymore. "Please?"
Stef slowly hands me the can and I don't let go of the razor. I cup some water from the bottom of the tub and put it on the first leg. I put some shaving cream on and rub it around. I rinse my hand and just stare at my leg ready to be shaved.
I tighten my grip and slowly bring the razor closer to my leg. I start shaking really badly and tears start pouring down my face. I know Stef and Lena are going to intervene. Lena's words about soaking up love is now in my head and I decide I should show them some trust tonight. I bring the razor towards Stef and look at her, tears still pouring down my face.
I put the razor in her open palm and whisper, "I can't do it." I see some tears well up in Stef's eyes too. It must have been hard for them to watch me go through that. Feeling so defeated I lower my head and stare at my leg covered in shaving cream.
"I can," Stef whispers back. I give her a confused look. She turns so she is facing me with one leg on either side of the tube. I watch as she slowly lifts my leg and puts my foot on the side of the tub in between her legs. I bite my lip. This is uncomfortable for me but I can't help but feel loved by the way Stef is taking care of me. It feels nice. Before I know what I am doing I am reaching my hand out towards Lena. She is watching Stef so she doesn't notice me.
"Lena," I whisper. I see her quickly look over to me and smile. She walks over and grabs my hand. She kneels by the tub and wraps her arms around me. Her head is level with my stomach. She leans her head against it and I wince in pain. Her head went right on my cuts. I quickly clutch my stomach and gasp in pain.
"Oh my goodness sweets did I hurt you?" Stef says with a panic stricken voice. She then notices I am clutching my stomach.
"Callie what is wrong with your stomach?" Lena says reaching for my shirt. I hold the bottom of my shirt so she can't lift it.
"Stomachache," I lie. They both look at me funny, not believing it.
"Why don't we finish this first and then address your stomach, yes?" Lena and I both nod, not really sure what to say. I watch Stef shave my leg, rinse off the excess cream, apply more on the other leg, shave that one, and then rinse it off as well. She cleans off the razors and hands them to Lena. Lena gets up, dries them off, and then brings them out of the room.
Stef stands me up and I step out of the tub. I am in sort of a trance. I just am in fear of the fact they might find out what I have done. She carefully leads me into the bedroom and sits me on the bed. I look down at the floor as she just looks at me.
Lena returns but I stay looking down. "Okay honey," Lena starts, "We are going to check for new cuts."
I look up at them and slowly nod. I turn my wrists out to them and show that there are no new marks. I wonder if they can tell I am shaking with fear at what they will find. Stef grabs my wrist and removes the old gauze.
"What are you doing?" I say grumpily, pulling my arm away.
"I'll just pretend the way you asked that question wasn't disrespectful." Stef says. I roll my eyes. "Or that you didn't just roll your eyes at me. Love, I need to clean the cuts again and then we need to let them air out. They are going to need air if we want them to heal properly. You can see some of them are already starting to close up."
I repeat Lena's words about expressing love over again in my head until I am confident I can do so. I just nod and watch as Lena puts a first aid kit on the bed next to Stef. She sprays some cleaning stuff on it and wipes it down. I can see some of the cuts starting to scab. They don't look infected either which is nice. I remember one time at an old foster home I started throwing up and got a fever. My cuts were bright red and looked absolutely terrible. I cleaned them and stuck it out until they eventually started healing. It took about three weeks until I felt back to normal. That is partially why I am just going to let Stef clean them without complaining. I wonder if I should let her clean my stomach. I have a feeling that the nail file I used was not very clean. I am so stupid I should have washed it first.
"Okay love, all done." Stef says, rubbing my hand. I take my wrist back and look at the cuts. I hope the scars aren't too bad.
"Now we need to check for new cuts, honey," Lena says carefully. I can tell she is trying to see how I am going to react. I wonder if she can see all the blood leaving my face. I must look pale.
"I showed you there are no more new ones." It took all of my strength to say that without attitude. I am surprised I was able to.
"Yes love, but your arms are not the only place you can cut. We both can do this or you can pick just Mama or I. I am going to have to ask you to take your shirt and pants off so we can see. I know this is uncomfortable, but you are safe with us. We aren't going to hurt you."
I bite my lip. This can't be happening. "Stef I haven't cut. You both have been with me every second of the day."
"Not in the bathroom." Lena says quietly.
"I know you cleared out everything. You told me you were going to take precautions. I wouldn't waste my time looking when I know there wouldn't be anything to find." Is that convincing? I wonder what they are going to say. I feel guilty for lying. I love them so much and it hurts that I am being dishonest. I should have told the truth because I know I am probably not going to get out of this. Now I have just lied and am going to get caught.
"Mama or I?" Stef says sternly. I look to Lena, then to Stef. I am not sure who I should pick. I know that the other one will be sad. I mean who would I be less embarrassed to stand in front of in just my bra and underwear? I can feel my face getting red. I think they noticed this because their faces are filled with sympathy.
"Baby?" Lena says sweetly. I look up to her eyes. She is so kind and gentle. She makes me feel loved and cared for by just one look. I want her. I want my Mama. But then I look at Stef. The person I am identical to. The woman I am probably going to be someday. I look into her eyes and feel the deep connection. I feel the strong love and bond that is unbreakable. I want her. My Mom, my Mommy. Well this got me nowhere. I want both. But I realize it would probably be less awkward with only one set of eyes on me.
"Cals Sweets, please pick one of us or we will both just stay." I can feel an unease in the room. I smile and try to relieve some of the tension.
"So I have a feeling "neither" is an unacceptable answer?"
"Yes babydoll." Lena replies.
"Uhm, ok look. I'll just spare you guys the trouble." Before I know what I am doing I stand up and take off my shirt. I hear two gasps. I look down at the mess of about seven Band-Aids across my stomach. I don't stop there either. I rip one Band-Aid off and tears stream down my face. I fall to my knees in pain and suck in a big breath.
"Callie!" Lena has her hands on my face and is trying to get me to calm down. I feel arms lifting me up and bringing me to the bed. I am laid down on my back and I just shut my eyes trying to escape this nightmare. I take a pillow and put it over my face as I feel hands working on my stomach. I cry out in pain as the Band-Aids are removed. I feel someone trying to remove the pillow from my face but I clutch it tightly and groan.
"Stef, please don't get her moving any more, I can't clean these cuts and they don't look good. We need to clean them more thoroughly and having her move around is making it harder." This surprises me. I thought for sure Stef was cleaning the cuts. Lena must have gone to work as soon as Stef set me down.
I feel the bed shift and someone lifts the side of the pillow enough to put their head next to mine. Stef is under the pillow with me. I feel Lena spray some disinfectant spray on them and I sit up quickly gasping and jump off the bed.
"Callie honey, I am sorry it stings. The cuts are not infected but by the way they look they could be if we don't stay on top of it. Can you please lay back down for me." The words infected are enough for me to go and lay down back on the pillow. I shut my eyes tightly and Stef lays back down, lacing my fingers between hers. Lena works quickly on my stomach. I can't help the few tears that escape due to the searing pain from the cuts.
I finally feel gauze being placed down and hear tape being ripped. I didn't notice how heavy I was breathing until Stef laid her hand on my stomach above the cuts when Lena was done. I tense until I feel her squeeze my hand and kiss my temple. I keep my eyes shut tightly. The only noise in the room is my disoriented breaths. I sigh very heavily and am able to get my breathing completely back to normal after about ten minutes. I know they were waiting for me to calm down.
"You did this in the bathroom." Lena states. It wasn't a question. "But the question is, what did you use baby?" I keep my eyes closed. Avoidance is my only hope right now.
"Please Callie, please talk to me. I need you to help me. We can't fight for you on our own. We need your assistance. Please baby, my heart is just breaking." Lena's voice was cracking. I am not giving away the nail file.
"I'm not going to tell you. I am just being honest." I still haven't opened my eyes.
"Okay Callie. But you will be in eye sight at all times. Changing and the bathroom will be done with opened doors and we will be in the room with you while you shower. Callie, you have to trust us. Baby if you tell us when you are tempted we can help you. I need your help. We need your help." Lena's pain filled voice is killing me.
"Metal nail file, in the nail polish bag under the sink." I open my eyes as Lena walks out of the room and I assume she is going to get it. I sit up still in just my bra but it pulls at the cuts. I hiss in pain and lay back down.
I start to feel really sad. I just want to be happy. I don't want to be a cutter and I just want my moms. I decide to express love. Let some guards down and love on my moms. I look at Stef and try and decide if I am going to give into the desire to call her Mom. I want it so bad. I want her to be my mom and I want to call her that. I decide to do it before I can change my mind and I lose my confidence.
"Mom?" I whisper. I look up at Stef and I see a hint of confusion, shock and then pure love. She is smiling but there is still pain in her eyes. They quickly fill with tears.
Stef's point of view:
I look down at Callie. She just called me Mom. My baby girl just called me Mom. I can't help the tears that were in my eyes from flowing down. My baby, my sweet sweet girl. I lean down and kiss her forehead. My heart has never been filled with so much love.
"Yes, my baby?" I whisper back.
"I love you and I am sorry if I disappointed you." She whispers. My heart breaks for my daughter. She just wants to be happy and is so confused and hurting. I still can't believe she called me Mom. My heart is overjoyed. I never thought I would hear those words from her. I know how close she was with her biological mom that I didn't expect her to call us that. I don't think I have ever heard a better word come out of her mouth.
"My love, you are hurting and not sure what to do with yourself. I know this is really hard. Mama and I are here to help you. We are not disappointed in you. We just wish you would trust us and let us help you." I look into her eyes. She moves closer to me and wraps her arms around me fully. I hold onto her tight. I hear another tiny whisper.
"I do trust you Mommy. I trust you both." She is shaking but I can't tell why. And I thought I liked hearing her call me Mom. I am pretty sure I like Mommy better than Mom. I let a few more tears fall and try to get my emotions in check. The pride and love I feel from hearing those words from Callie's mouth is overwhelming.
"Baby, are you okay?" I try to pull back to look at her but she tightens her grip. I relax to see what she will do.
"I'm sorry I called you that." This time I push back forcefully so I can look into her eyes. I keep one arm around her and take the other one and cup her face.
"My sweet daughter. One of my favorite things in the world is to hear my children call me Mom. You have made my night baby. I love hearing the name Mom come out of your mouth. You are my daughter and I am your Mommy. It is natural and makes sense because I am your Mom and so is Mama." I feel one more tear trickle down my face. I can't believe Callie called me Mom and Mommy. I am on cloud nine.
Lena comes in and lays on the other side of Callie. "How are you girls holding up here?" Callie just shrugs and I smile. I don't want to embarrass her. I will tell Lena later.
"Callie sweetheart, I found the nail file. You need to be really careful. There is rust on it. Not that I am encouraging the cutting but if you find something to use, you need to make sure it is clean. This could be very dangerous." I feel Callie stiffen next to me. I know Lena sees this too because we both are staring at Callie worriedly.
"What is it, sweets?" I ask her carefully.
"I have had infected cuts before but I couldn't tell anyone. I cleaned them everyday but was extremely sick. I was lucky to have the infection just go away. When I looked online it said you needed antibiotics. I was really sick for three weeks. We got in trouble when we were sick because it caused extra work for the Foster family. It was terrible. I thought I was dying." My heart shatters at the thought of an extremely sick Callie taking care of herself and Jude and having to hide it from the family she was living with. That is so sick and twisted. My poor girl needs so much love and for someone to take care of her. "It just brings back bad memories, sorry."
"Sweetheart, you need to stop apologizing. I am sorry you had to go through that." I just watch Callie shrug. Maybe I can hug her until the pain goes away. I wrap both arms around her and hold her tight.
"I'm really tired." I hear her say quietly.
"I think sleep sounds wonderful," Lena says. Lena wraps her arms around both of us and we all snuggle under the covers. I hold onto my daughter like my life depends on it. I feel the same hold from Lena on Callie and me. I kiss Callie's head and reach over to kiss Lena on the lips. I miss her. I probably kissed her a little too deeply but I miss my wife's closeness. I close my eyes content and my heart filled with joy by the fact Callie has called me Mom.