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Chapter 2
Gabriella's POV:
I wake up to darkness and I am staring at the stars. I can hear the sounds of waves crashing around me and I think I am dreaming. It is so peaceful and serene that I am completely relaxed. It lasts about two seconds when I stretch my arm and instantly wince at how stiff my entire body feels. I sit up confused as to where I am. I look around me and can see a sign lit up that says, Anchor Beach Community Charter School a little ways away. Shit! I fell asleep on the rocks. How did I do that?
I grab my bag that is wrapped around my leg, and run to the bus stop. I get there and look at the schedule trying to see if I can catch a bus back to San Ysidro at a decent hour. What time is it? I pull out my dinky track phone and turn it on. I keep it off when I am not using it to save the battery, not knowing when I will get to an outlet again. It took me a while to save up the money to buy this phone but I keep it on me in case of an emergency. It doesn't have very many minutes on it, but enough if I need to reach someone a few times. It turns on and reads 3:00am. Holy cow. There isn't another ride until a few hours and by the time I get there I would just have to turn around again to go to school. Looks like I am staying here tonight.
I sit down on the bench next to the station and contemplate what to do or where to go. At least in San Ysidro I have a place to sleep. I can't believe I slept that long. I was knocked out. I think between the lack of sleep and food my body completely shut down. Maybe it is not an incredibly bad thing that I was able to sleep that long. I probably needed it. Usually I am such a light sleeper because I always need to be on guard. I feel a chill run down my spine due to the fact that I left myself so vulnerable out in public. Then again this town isn't like San Ysidro.
My thoughts are interrupted as my stomach grumbles. Compared to the quiet night it seems so loud. I dig through my backpack and search for an apple. I put it in there two days ago for emergencies. I pull it out from the bottom of my bag. It is completely bruised and mushy. I think about throwing it away when I hear another growl and am reminded it has been over 24 hours since I have put food into my stomach. I eat the apple as slow as possible. It is hard to take my time but I don't want it to be gone too quickly. I try not to get grossed out by the brown spots and the gooey texture but I swallow it all down anyways. I will take what I can get. I feel a little better having that in my system. If anything, the juice from the apple quenched my thirst. The juice makes me discover how thirsty I am. I dig for my water bottle and sigh when I see that it is empty. Looks like I need to go find a water fountain. The school should have one outside by the tables.
I head towards the school until I see a guy walking in my direction with his hood up and his hands in his pocket. I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach and before he sees me I quickly get out of the light from the street lamps. I hide in the darkness on the grass and walk in the opposite direction. Even if he is innocent, it is better to be safe than sorry. I decide to take a loop around some street blocks and end up in this sweet looking neighborhood.
I can't help myself from thinking about what my life could be like if I lived in one of these houses, if I actually had a family. I stop in front of one and think of the ideal situation. To have kind, loving, but strict parents who did their best to keep me out of trouble but make me a strong and compassionate individual. Siblings, brothers and sisters, that drove me crazy but secretly I loved to spend time with them because I loved them so much. Maybe I would even have a dog. My imagination of a happy life starts to depress me so I continue walking until I arrive back at the school. I find a water fountain by the tables and fill up my water bottle. I drink the entire thing in two breaths and then refill it before putting it back into my backpack.
I try to remember the last time I showered and it has been at least 3 days. Gross. I walk along the beach until I find one of the showers intended to wash sand off of you. I take out my bottle of 3 in one, shampoo, conditioner, and soap. I strip into my bra and underwear taking a shower as fast as I can. I don't like to be exposed like this but I don't have anywhere else to take a shower. Not to mention the water isn't very warm and the cool breeze from the night is giving me goosebumps. I let myself air dry because I don't have a towel. When I am dry enough I walk by some trees and hide under them changing out of everything and into clean clothes. I take the dirty ones and wrap them in a grocery bag and put them in my backpack. I keep them in there so they don't get my other clean clothes dirty. I was able to find enough quarters to do some laundry the other day so everything in my bag, besides the clothes I was wearing today, are clean.
I always make sure I am prepared. I have about three shirts, a pair of shorts, a pair of jeans, a sweatshirt, 3 pairs of underwear, two pairs of socks and a pair of sneakers. I have a big backpack but it is jam-packed. Usually I don't carry shoes but I wanted to look presentable today for my meeting so I wore my boots. I never go anywhere without my sneakers. They are like a security blanket to me. They make me feel safe like I can run away really fast if I need to.
I have a few extra clothes where I sleep but I don't always get there so I don't rely on having them. The only other things I keep in my bag at all times are my water bottle, my 3 in one, shampoo, conditioner, and soap, and a small Ziploc of quarters for laundry. The Ziploc is usually empty or has one or two quarters in it. I always look for change on the ground. Sometimes I have bills in the bag but I spend those on food as I can.
I walk back to the school and sit at a table. For some reason this school makes me feel safer than just walking the street. It may be the fact that it is the only place I know in this town. Maybe it is due to meeting Mrs. Adams-Foster, she has this weird affect on me. For the first time in a long time I actually feel excited about seeing someone again. I know I could never get close to her but I haven't met someone genuinely nice in years, it restores some of my faith in humanity.
I lay my head down on the table and shut my eyes. I try to distract myself by thinking about the benefits from attending this school. The classes are smaller so the teaching should be more in depth. The school's statistics are pretty high and having this school on my transcripts vs. San Ysidro public school will look a lot better. There are also a lot more courses offered here and many more opportunities. I think about when I am legally allowed to live on my own. I also think about when I will be able to get a job and will have a source of income to actually buy food and do laundry more frequently. I can't wait until the day I turn sixteen. Since I have nowhere to go I decide to sit here and get lost in my thoughts. Maybe I will even fall asleep again.
Lena's POV:
I wake up from sleep gasping for my breath as I sit up quickly and clutch my chest trying to escape the heartache and panic I am feeling.
"Lena!" Stef says shooting up in a sitting position as well. "What is wrong, are you okay?" She says putting her hand on my back.
"Stef," I start but can't continue as sobs overtake my body. "I had a terrible dream." I pause to try and catch my breath to speak. "It is about Ella. She was taken and-" a few more sobs come out and Stef wraps her arms around me. I calm myself down after a few minutes to continue speaking. "She was kidnapped and now she is off on her own. I felt how she was feeling. She was scared, hurting and alone. I know you must think I am crazy, but she is out there. I just know it. We need to help her and find her. My baby is out there Stef, I know it." I can't stop the tears from continually pouring down my face but at least I am able to actually speak now.
"I know love," Stef starts, "I think she is too. I check for leads everyday. There hasn't been a day I don't look at least for something. Anything. I look through every single new missing child photo that comes up with somewhat of a description as to what Ella could look like. I am always searching in the system for a child that looks anything like Ella or us. I haven't found anything. I don't know what to do, baby. I am so sorry. I haven't stopped trying though. There is no evidence to even look off of. I am sorry I failed you Lena. I know I should be able to do this. I am a cop, it is my job. I can't even find my own daughter who has been gone for fourteen years. What kind of mother and cop am I?" I watch Stef's eyes fill with tears. I never knew she even felt like this. My poor wife.
"Baby," I gasp, "This is NOT your fault. Have you been feeling guilty about this the entire time?" She nods and my heart breaks for her. "Yes you are a cop, but you can't hold this over your head. Someone terrible out there took her. They are evil and sneaky and good at their job. This is NOT your fault. You hold no responsibility. If you do then I do too because I am her mother and also failed to keep her safe. I feel guilty continuing my day at the thought of our child out there and we don't know if she is safe and happy or suffering. Maybe we should go back to counseling babe. I know it is hard but we are beginning to break apart again. The kids will notice more this time."
"I know Lena. I think it is time that we tell the kids about Ella." Stef whispers.
"I agree. I can't keep this from them, they deserve to know about their sister. I never wanted to hurt them with this information but they are older now and they have a right." I say sadly. I am not looking forward to this conversation but I know that we have to do it.
"Today after school then?" Stef asks as I nod my head. I look over at the clock. It's almost 5:00am. I could get a few more minutes of sleep but know I won't be able to without getting that dream out of my head. I don't want to tell Stef the details. I don't want her to know I imagined our child homeless and starving. It breaks my heart. I force myself to get out of bed. I feel completely broken inside, but I need to be a mom for the kids that are home and safe. That being said, I walk to the coffee pot, turn it on, and get into my morning routine feeling like a zombie.
Mariana POV:
I come down for breakfast, last as usual, and can instantly tell something is off. I look at everyone slowly. I want to say something but when I see how sad Mama's eyes are I know this is something serious. I want to ask her if she is okay but she looks like she could break down any second. I know they will tell us eventually; Mom's are always honest about stuff with us. I am usually one to speak before I think but even I know that I should just stay quiet and eat my breakfast. I notice Mom looking at Mama and I can see worry in her eyes. I suddenly feel a loss of appetite. I am worried too. I pretend things don't bother me a lot and give attitude sometimes to hide how I am truly feeling but I hate seeing my Mom's upset. They saved Jesus and I. They took us in when no one else wanted us. I force myself to eat so I don't add any stress to Mom's. I know they would comment on me not eating and I don't want to make their morning any harder than it has to be. I just hope they tell us soon, because I don't know how long I can keep myself from asking the questions that are running through my mind.
The car ride to school was completely silent. Everyone seemed sad even though we didn't know anything. The mood from Mama and Mom was so intense our hearts broke for their hurt. We got to school early this time. I open the door and see Caitlyn and Hayley walking to the table we always sit at. It is nice to feel a part of something. Starting off my freshman year with some type of friend group is better than nothing. No one ever gets in our way or sits at our table. Caitlyn scared everyone away so now no one even tries. I just wish that they weren't so rude to everyone. It is unnecessary. Mom would be disappointed if they knew I didn't stick up for people and let the dance girls walk on others.
"Hey guys." I say as I walk up to them, heading to our table.
"Hi!" Hayley shouts too eagerly. She looks around and her shoulders slump which I assume is because there is no sign of Jesus. I know she wasn't actually excited to see me personally. The thought of seeing Jesus is what caused her so much excitement. Caitlyn rolled her eyes. I can't tell if it is at me or Hayley. It was probably both knowing her.
"What?!" I jump from the attitude in Caitlyn's voice.
"What?" I ask cautiously.
"Someone is sitting at our table." I look over and see a girl with curly black hair and light mocha skin sitting at our table. She is shaking her leg and looking around. Mama mentioned a new student, that must be her. I know everyone here and I have never seen her before.
"Caitlyn I think she is new, she doesn't know we sit there."
"Well she is about to find out." I feel sorry for the girl. How was she supposed to know? I hear Mama's voice in the back of my mind and I try to carefully diffuse the tension.
"Can't you be nice to her, how is she supposed to know? You don't have to be rude about it." I say carefully. I know Caitlyn is going to be mad at me but the day hasn't even started yet and I feel bad that the first experience this girl is going to get is the wrath of Caitlyn.
I see Caitlyn stop walking and turn towards me. "Don't forget who put you on the dance team Mariana. I could have chosen someone else. Don't make me regret my decision." With that, she walks off and I slowly follow her.
We get to the table and the girl looks at us confusingly. I try to give her a small smile but I know I am not going to receive one back due to the death glares both Caitlyn and Hayley are sending her.
"I am sorry, but this table is taken." Caitlyn states, crossing her arms. I can tell the girl is trying not to smirk at Caitlyn's reaction.
"Last time I checked no one was sitting here when I got here." She said looking at Caitlyn questioningly. Wow, this girl is brave. She doesn't know what she is getting into.
"Excuse me?" Hayley asks defending Caitlyn. "You don't talk to her like that."
"Ahhhhh. I see." The girl states.
"See what?" Caitlyn snaps.
"You are the girl that boss's people around the school. You think you are awesome and popular because people give you what you want but really they are afraid of you or just don't want to deal with your drama so they avoid you. Secretly people don't like you because you are rude to everyone. Even the people that hang out with you but they would rather be on your good side than your bad so they suck up to you. You," the girl says pointing to Hayley, " must be one of her minions. You are definitely loyal. I can see that. You used to be nice but have been corrupted by your leaders' evil ways. You are rude to others but still nice to your friends. Eventually that will change though, there is still hope for you but it is slim. And you," she says pointing to me, "You have the most hope. I can see you struggle with the way they are treating me. I suggest you get out while you can because if you don't you are going to turn into one of them. You will lose your ability to form relationships with people and hurt those you love the most."
"Who the hell do you think you are?" Caitlyn asks her with such anger and hate in her voice that it scares me. More than the new girl. She doesn't even flinch.
"The name is Gabriella Morrison. I would say nice to meet you, but that would be a lie." I muffle a laugh which earns me the most deadly look I have ever received from Caitlyn.
"Well you need to leave, this is our spot."
"I will leave, only because I need to go get my schedule. Not because you told me too. If I didn't have to go get my schedule, I promise you I would have sat here until classes started just to bother you because of the way you just treated me. To think if you came over here and actually treated me with respect and kindness I may have moved for you. Too late for that I guess." I watch in awe as the girl puts her backpack on and stands up. "By the way, I don't tolerate people treating me with disrespect. Or others. Especially for no reason. I suggest, for your sake, you don't treat people unkindly around me, because if you do, I will make you look like a fool. I promise you that." With that she stands up and walks inside the building. We all just start in her direction until Caitlyn sits down slamming her bag on the table.
"That girl has some nerve!" Caitlyn shouts angrily.
"Don't worry Cait, she will realize that you are in charge and she can't mess with us. We will make sure of that." I watch their interaction and it makes me sick. Do I really want to become like them? What have I gotten myself into? They don't even like me.
Gabriella's POV:
I probably shouldn't have said those things to that girl because they were not the nicest but who does she think she is? I will not be walked over nor will I let her walk on other people. I just hope that one "kind of nice" girl realizes the mess she is in before she gets sucked in too far.
I make my way to Mrs. Adams-Foster's office and knock on the door. I wait a few seconds and hear a muffled, "just a second." I wait and then the door opens. Her eyes look bloodshot like she was crying. Oh no. Did I just interrupt her?
"Uhm sorry, I just needed to grab my schedule. I can get it and go. I am sorry." I say looking down feeling terrible that I walked in on her upset.
"No, don't be silly Gabriella." I watch Lena's eyes soften as she stares at me intently. I want to ask her if she is okay but then realize that might seem weird considering I have only met her once and she is my vice principal. Even if something was extremely wrong she wouldn't tell me. It just seems like the polite thing to do. "Let me grab your schedule, come on in." She moves to let me pass through the door.
"Oh no, that is okay. I don't want to take up your time." I watch Lena shake her head at my response.
"Nonsense, come. I want to chat before you start classes anyway." I cautiously enter due to her persistence and sit in the chair that she is signaling me to. "How are you feeling about the day? Do you feel prepared?" I nod. No, I think. It would be nice to have some supplies.
"Uhm, actually I forgot to grab my notebooks and a pen this morning, probably due to anxiousness. You know starting in a new place can be intimidating. It must have just slipped my mind. Could I borrow a pen and maybe a few sheets of paper? I can bring you the pen back. I can bring you new pieces of paper tomorrow when I get mine from home." I try to milk that nervous excuse so she buys it. I see a flash of sadness cover her features. I have a feeling she knows I don't have any at home but she just ignores it and stands up. I watch her carefully as she walks over to a closet. She moves stuff around and then turns back around with five notebooks and a pack of pens and pencils. She hands them to me but I just shake my head.
"That's too much. I don't need them, I just wanted to borrow something for notes today. I shouldn't have even asked." Dammit. She knows I don't have any at home. I let my guard slip. I never ask anyone for anything. What is wrong with me? "I insist. I am not taking no for an answer. I keep extras in case kids forget. I have tons of stuff. Not to mention five of my kids go to this school so back up is pretty much everything is necessary. Remember part of my job description is handing out detention slips. So listening would be in your best favor." She says winking at me. I try to bite my lip to prevent my smirk but I know she sees it when her smile widens. I realize she just said she has five kids. WOW! Part of me can't help but feel jealous that she has five kids. What is wrong with me?
"Seriously though, I don't need it. I really just forgot, it was stupid of me. I was anxious to get here!" I say smiling to try and sound believable. She doesn't budge and we make eye contact for about 30 seconds. It is intense. It scares me. I don't know this woman but I know she sees right through me. I need to stay away from her or she is going to figure me out.
"Take them. Now please." I slowly reach for the bundle of stuff.
"Thanks," I mumble bitterly. I go to put them in my bag but then realize I don't have room. How am I supposed to carry them?
"Your backpack looks pretty full. Do you need a bag to hold the notebooks in?" She says.
"Oh no I am fine." I say quietly.
"Well you should try to put them in your backpack so that you don't have to carry them." She says calmly. Is she trying to see what I have in there? This lady is way too observant. I need to get out of here.
"No, that's okay. I am just going to carry them. I brought soccer stuff in my bag just in case I can convince the coach to let me practice with them today. I know I haven't tried out yet but I thought maybe she would at least let me see what the team is like and then she could get a sense of if she would like me to be a part of the team." I feel bad lying to her but I don't have a choice. I stand up thanking her trying to juggle all of the new school supplies she gave me. I was hoping my soccer comment distracted her from when she asked if I needed a bag. I am not supposed to accept help from people. It causes too much dependence.
"Actually the coach is not in today. She is also the gym teacher, but she is sick and her assistant will be there today. I suggest you wait until tomorrow to talk with her. I already let her know you are interested but she is the one that you really want to play in front of. Just focus on classes today and try not to get lost." She says smiling. I can't help but smile back, her smiles are contagious.
"Thanks again. I am going to go and get to my first class. I would rather be early so I can introduce myself to the teacher. Thank you so much for everything." I say, implying I mean the school supplies but not wanting to address it directly.
I stand and go to open the door handle and drop the packet of pens and pencils. I bend over to pick them up but Mrs. Adams-Foster is already lifting them up. She gently takes the notebooks out of my hands, puts her finger up signaling for me to wait and returns to the closet. Is she taking them back? I wait patiently as I hear her moving stuff around. I see her pick up a bag and take stuff out of it. She puts the school supplies she gave me into the backpack and adds a few things. I can't actually see what it is but it looked like more supplies. She returns to me with a medium sized gray backpack and hands it to me. No way in HELL am I accepting that. I do not accept help.
"No. I am not taking that. I have a bag, thank you though." I say walking closer to the door. She steps in front of me.
"Gabriella, please don't argue with me. You can return it to me tomorrow if you would like. Just please for today. It would make me feel better."
"What's it to you if I have to carry school supplies, it is not a big deal at all. I should have remembered stuff but I forgot them at home. It is my own fault and not your problem to deal with." I feel guilty for snapping at her but I am hoping if I am slightly rude to her she will change her mind about helping me and think I am just some spoiled brat who really did forget stuff.
She looks at me intently again. She needs to stop that. "Take this and go to your class. Taking help is not a bad thing. You can trust me. I am just lending you something. I care in general about the well being of all my students. I want your first day to be smooth and stress free. Borrow this until you remember to grab your stuff from home. Take it please." I don't argue. I grab the bag, mumble a quick thanks and I am out the door in a flash.
I shut her door quickly but didn't let it slam and walk down the hall. The halls are empty because there is still time before classes and most people are outside. I look at my schedule and find my locker number. It is in the same hallway that is connected to Mrs. Adams-Foster's office. I lean against it and close my eyes trying to calm myself. I can't let her figure out anything about me. She already has seen too much. I open my eyes at the sound of two girls walking through the halls. I turn around and open my locker. I shove my bag of stuff in there and put the gray one on my back. It looks brand new. I don't ever remember having anything so clean and new looking. It looks misplaced on my back. It clashes with my worn out hammy down clothes.
"I am so hungry. I wonder what my mom packed in my lunch. I need to eat something. All I had to eat today was an apple, a piece of toast, and some coffee. I really wanted eggs but my mom wouldn't make them. Can you believe it?" I can't help the scowl on my face as I listen to the girl's conversation as they stop a few lockers away from mine. That is more food than I get in a day sometimes. That girl wouldn't last a day on her own.
"Lame." The other girl mumbles opening her locker. I watch the girl who complained about her food open her expensive looking backpack and take out a brown paper bag which I assume is her lunch. She opens it with a dirty look on her face making disgusted noises.
"Ew ham and cheese? Gross. Granola bar, banana, cookies, cut up carrots and celery, and chips. Not even the good kind of chips." I watch her take the cookies out and walk to a trash can and throw the bag away. She did NOT just throw away a bag of food. Spoiled brat. I don't know if I can handle this school. Is everyone like this here? Obviously not considering Mrs. Adams-Foster just gave me a bag full of school supplies but she isn't a student. Not to mention the fact that I have to avoid her now. It makes me sad, I have never liked someone this much in a long time. After the girls walk away I walk over to the garbage can and look around to see if anyone is watching. When I don't see anyone I grab the bag of food and shove it in Mrs. Adams-Foster's bag. I zip up the bag just as the bell rings and head to my first class.
Lena's POV:
The second I see Gabriella reach in the garbage and pull out the bag of food I feel like crying. Something is wrong, seriously wrong. I am going to have to have Stef look into this. Even if she is staying with a family, they are not feeding her properly and obviously can't afford school supplies. My heart breaks. The more I see Gabriella hurting the more determined I am to help her. I decide to do a little digging myself before I get Stef involved when I get home.
I walk to Karina's office and knock on the door.
"Come in." I open the door and Karina looks up from her computer. If I didn't know her I would think she was scowling at me but unfortunately that is just the way her face looks.
"Do you have a second?"
"Sure," she sighs. Obviously she doesn't feel like having me in here right now.
"Gabriella started this morning. You met with her and her foster parents the first time she enrolled, correct?" I say sitting down.
"Yes I did. That girl is impressive. She is really going to help bring our scores up." If she wasn't my boss I would roll my eyes. I could tell something was wrong the second she walked in my office and all Karina was worried about was the fact that Gabriella will make the school look good, which really means she will look good. She looks back down at her computer like the conversation is over. I ball my hands up into fists trying not to show how truly annoyed I am.
"How were her foster parents? What was your impression of them?"
"They were nice and polite. Didn't say much but seemed supportive. What is this about Lena?" She asks me.
"I was just curious. They told me two days before our meeting that they were coming but neither of them actually showed up. Only Gabriella did and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."
"I am sure it is fine. Did she tell you why her foster parents couldn't make it?" I nod and explain.
"She said they have demanding jobs and they both got called into work that day."
"Well then I guess that is what happened, isn't it?" I can only feel myself getting angrier at her responses. I should probably leave before I get myself into trouble. She won't give me valuable answers so I am just wasting my time.
"Yeah, okay well thanks for your time." In my head it was stated sarcastically but outwardly it seemed kind. I smile at her as I stand up. It was a polite smile, not a friendly one, but I doubt she even knows the difference.
I go back into my office and pack up my stuff. I bet the kids are already at the car waiting for me. Stef and I told them this morning that we are all going straight home and having a family meeting. They know something is up. We didn't even do a great job at hiding it. I am afraid to tell them the truth. Partially because I don't want them to be angry at us for not telling them, but also because I know it will break their hearts. My kids are so full of love and to have to tell them that they have a sibling missing out there is going to be hard for them. We decided to do it directly after school because I want to get it over with. It is going to be very difficult to have to relive the day we discovered our little girl went missing.
I get to the car and they are all inside waiting patiently. I hop inside and drive home. Again, silence. Stef and I joke how we miss the silence all the time but in this moment, I wished for noise. Anything. I would rather have all of my children arguing over something stupid because at least then it would be normal.
We pull into the driveway and I sigh in relief that Stef is already here. My rock. I get a little more confidence and strength just knowing she is inside waiting for me. We enter the house and Stef is sitting on the steps just inside the door. I make eye contact with her and she stands up.
"Alright loves, please go to the living room. We will be right there. I just need to talk to Mama for a second." All of the kids walk cautiously and sit in the living room. Not even Mariana has said something since I have seen her. I feel like a bad mother for not asking my children how their day was but I just need to focus on getting through this conversation.
I look away from my nervous kids as I feel Stef take my hand and lead me into the kitchen.
"Hey baby, how are you doing?" She asks me. I don't even have the words. I just wrap my arms around her and hold on extremely tight.
"Oh love, it will be alright." Stef says tightening her grip.
"This will hurt them, Stef. It will hurt us to talk about it too. I am scared. I had a bad day at work too. There is a new student and I think she is in a really bad situation. She is in foster care and I saw her pull a bag of food out of the trash today. I just wanted to bring her here and let her know that she will be okay, but I can't. She is so sweet and young. She needs help. Just like our Ella might. We have to help her, Stef." I am trying not to cry as my breathing is getting uneven. I need to calm myself down before I turn into hysteria and am not able to help Stef with the conversation our children are waiting for us to have.
Stef pulls back and looks me in the eyes. "Breathe my love. We will see if we can do something for your student, okay?" I nod, biting my lip. "Let's focus on talking to the kids first. One thing at a time. After that, we can talk about your student and I can look into her profile, alright?" I nod again. "Breathe in," I do as Stef says, "and out." I exhale deeply and feel more calm from the support my wife is offering me. "Ready?" Stef asks.
"No, but let's go." She grabs my hand and leads me into the living room. We sit down next to each other. The only spot left is a big recliner chair but I squeeze in with her because I need to feel her next to me.
"You guys are making me really nervous." Brandon says quietly.
"Okay my loves. Mama and I have something to tell you. This isn't easy for either of us so we all are going to need to stay calm and respectful, yes?" I see confused nods. I know I need to help start this conversation, it isn't fair to make Stef do all the work.
"As you all know," I start, "Mom and I met when Brandon was one. We fell in love and moved in together right before he started preschool. About a year and a half later, we decided that this was forever and we wanted Brandon to have a sibling. Someone who he could grow up with and play with. We were looking for sperm donors when we came across this scientific trial where they were trying to reconstruct female DNA and make male sex cells out of it, or take male DNA and create female cells out of it so that gay and lesbian couples could have children together with both of their DNA. We decided we weren't going to do that because we didn't want to risk the baby whatsoever. One day when we couldn't decide on a donor I looked back into the trial and discovered it was harmless. All they were doing was taking DNA and trying to create sex cells of the opposite sex. If it was successful they would impregnate one of the mothers with her eggs and the created male sex cell. It wasn't unhealthy or generic because it was completely constructed out of the mothers DNA. We looked further into it and they were able to successfully construct the cells for about 1 out of every 5 people. There were not any unusual health risks that pregnancies don't already have. Just your basics. It was just a normal pregnancy with sperm and egg cells but the DNA was between two women or two men. If it was with two males they would use a surrogate mother but the DNA of the child was still just between the two men." I look over to Stef telling her I need a break. She squeezed my hand and took over.
"That being said, we decided to try it. If they could reconstruct our DNA so we could have a baby together we would go with it, if not we knew it wasn't meant to be. I had given birth to Brandon, so we decided Mama would carry the baby and I would give them my DNA to try and reconstruct it into a male cell. Turns out it was successful. I think part of us didn't actually think it was possible. We talked to other couples that it worked on as well. Some were pregnant and others already had their child. There were no birth defects that were from the actual process of how the child was conceived. There was a baby that had Huntington's but both of the Mom's were carriers so that is why the child had gotten it. Once we knew it was safe, we decided to try it. We inseminated Mama and she became pregnant. The pregnancy was healthy and just like any other one. On September 30, 2010 Mama gave birth to a baby girl named Ella Grace Adams-Foster. She was healthy and beautiful. She had dark hair that already looked like the start of curls, hazel eyes, light mocha skin, and her facial features were a mix of Mama's and mine. She had my nose and eyes. Mama's skin, curls and mouth. We brought her home and everything was wonderful. Two days after she turned 6 years old… uhm, we.."
I had been watching mine and Stef's hands this entire time until she stopped. I looked up at her and the tears were streaming down her face. I am pretty sure that the kids have never seen her this way. I have, but not the kids. They have seen tears trickle down her face, but never have they seen them continually flowing at a rapid pace. I tighten the squeeze on her hand and instinctively press in closer to her so every inch of our sides are pressed together. I then look to my kids, who are also crying and I don't think I have ever seen a more heart wrenching sight. That's when a sob escapes my body. I have never sobbed in front of my children. Sure I have cried, hard. But never sobbed. Stef can't get control of her emotions and neither can I.
I can tell the kids are conflicted if they should say something or comfort us. After about five minutes Stef and I calmed down to be able to actually form words. Everyone sat in silence for a few minutes before I hear a tiny voice in such a quiet whisper that I wasn't even sure I heard it.
"What happened to her?" It was Jude. I think everyone was surprised our shy little boy was the first one to speak.
Stef looked back at him and whispered, "We don't know."
I know it may feel like the fact that she has both Stef and Lena's DNA is far out there but they are actually trying to make it a reality. I thought it would be cool to write a story including it. Hopefully someday it will be successful and help families.