Lena POV:
"What do you mean you don't know?" Brandon asks curiously.
"We uhm," Stef takes a pause to swallow. I know it is to try and get rid of the giant lump in her throat because I have the exact same one in mine. "We woke up one morning and she was gone."
"Gone?" Mariana asks.
Stef just nods. I know she needs to take a break from talking to compose herself.
"How could she have just disappeared? How does a kid just go missing from a house?" Mariana says, not wanting to admit the possibilities.
"They get kidnapped." Callie whispers.
"Someone took her?" Jude asks, slightly frightened.
"Someone had to have taken her." Stef whispers, "She obviously couldn't have walked out on her own. Some of her clothes were missing."
"So this happened at night then?" Brandon asks. You can see the wheels in his head turning as he tries to put this mystery together. If only he knew we have thought of every possible situation.
"Yes we put her to bed the night before and woke up with her gone. Our house, your guy's room especially, was turned into a crime scene. Everything possible was done to try and find any evidence or traces of DNA but nothing was found. We weren't allowed in our apartment for weeks. Finally when we were let in it was so hard to walk into the house and not mourn the loss of our baby. We also didn't feel safe at all. Brandon slept in our room for a very long time after that. We never let him out of our sight. So we eventually moved."
"Is that when you moved here?" Mariana asks.
"No, we didn't need this much space for the three of us and at that point we definitely were not ready for more kids after just having lost one. We moved into-"
"Wait." Brandon looks up with a pain stricken face. "Did you say our room? As in, we shared the room?" He whispers the last sentence. I think Stef realizes her mistake. Her eyes shut tightly and her hands ball into fists. She takes a deep breath which just makes Brandon more anxious.
"Did we share a room?" Brandon asks slightly louder, his voice coated with a mix of anger and hurt. I know Stef is battling internally and trying to gain the strength to respond. I have to help her. I have been sitting here as an observer as my wife struggles to talk about the most traumatic event of our lives. That isn't fair. I need to step up for my wife and my family.
"Yes Brandon." I say carefully, "You shared the room." The amount of pain on his face increases and my heart shatters even more.
"Was I..." he pauses and takes a deep breath, "was I in the room with her while she was taken?" I control the sob that is threatening to escape. I remind myself to stay strong for my family and know that I need to respond.
"Yes baby," I whisper. My words unleash something inside Brandon as tears start to stream down his face. Stef starts to move towards Brandon to offer him comfort but he sticks his hand up telling her to stop.
"No, I want to know more." He says firmly. I put my hand on Stef's thigh to give her a sense of security. She quickly covers mine with her own and tries to shuffle closer together on this small chair, which I am sure isn't possible.
"Why didn't they take me instead? Why did they take just her and not both of us? Did they see me in there? Did I see them? What if I saw them taking her but did nothing?" Brandon continues rambling uncontrollably about different scenarios as to what could have happened, causing Stef to stand up and ignore his earlier protest for her to stay away. She wraps her arms around him while he cries. I look at all of my children. They all have tears streaming down their faces, except Callie. She always wants to be so strong for everyone else. Her eyes are extremely watery and I know that if she blinks too hard the tears will trickle down her cheeks. Brandon's cries get louder and I hear a whimper from Stef. My heart breaks at the painful sounds coming from my wife. Jesus moves over next to Stef and wraps her into a hug. I can't help but let out a sob and put my face in my hands.
I feel someone slip in next to me and wrap their arms around me while someone sits in front of me putting their hands in my lap and leaning on me for extra comfort. I look up and Callie is next to me with her face buried in my curls. Mariana is on the floor in front of me with her face buried in my lap. I can feel warm tears in my neck and through my jeans on my legs. I put an arm around both of my girls as best as I can even though the positioning is kind of awkward. I look up and Jude is also wrapped around Brandon.
Even though this may be one of the most painful things to witness, I can't help but feel proud at the way my family comes together to comfort each other when needed. My heart is breaking but also filled with so much pride and love for my family. It is the love that exists inside our home that gets me through my days.
We stay this way until all of the sobs and whimpers are quieted and everyone has time to collect themselves. It is so quiet. All you can hear are different speeds of breathing and sniffles. I wait five more minutes until I decide to say something.
"I love you all." I whisper. Stef sits up, keeping her arms wrapped around Brandon. They all reposition so they are still touching as much as possible but are sitting in a row on the couch. Mariana turns around and pushes her back into my knees as far as possible. I feel her slip her arms around my ankles and hold on tightly. Callie lifts her head slightly and flings her legs over my lap. I can't help the small smile as Callie seeks this comfort from me. I love when my strong girl openly seeks comfort from Stef and me. It is just another reminder of how she truly is just another one of our little girls. We all look at Stef when we hear her start talking.
"I don't have the answers baby," she says looking at Brandon, "I know it hurts, I know that it is scary but you can't blame yourself. You were a child and had just turned 6. You probably were asleep. We didn't find any evidence. Whoever did this knew what they were doing. We had the doors locked, in our safe home, in an extremely safe neighborhood. Never in a million years did I think something like this would have happened. We can't blame ourselves. There is no way we could have known." I can't help but think Stef is saying this for her benefit as well. I can hear her trying to convince herself that there was nothing she could have done. I don't think she believes it, but saying it is a start. I know she feels responsible. Being a cop and having your own child stolen from your home is bad. Not being able to find the criminals or any evidence at all that would lead you to your child must be torture. It is for me and I don't even solve crimes for a living.
"I am sorry this happened to you guys," Callie says looking at one of my curls that she keeps wrapping around her finger.
"Thank you love," Stef says, "but this happened to ALL of us. I know it is a lot to take in but she is a part of our family. I know most of you haven't met her, or don't remember her but she is your sister. It is okay to be sad and cry, even if you don't know her. You have a right to be hurting." Stef looks over at Callie and waits until she makes eye contact. "It is okay to cry and be sad. Remember it is healthy to break down sometimes." She looks at all the kids as she says, "But it is even better to let yourself break down with the support of your family."
"Why don't I remember her?" Brandon asks.
"Well," Stef starts. "It was pretty traumatic. You were struggling a lot after the divorce. Your Dad was heavily drinking. You went through some difficult things with your father and he was in and out of your life. We took you to counseling many times and you refused to talk about it. The therapist said since you were so young when it happened, you blocked a lot of it out. You would mention it here or there but the longer she was gone the more you stopped talking about it. Mama and I stopped bringing it up around you because you really struggled and we didn't want to keep giving you updates when we didn't have any. You completely shut down and refused to talk about it. The therapist said you would come to us in your own time. That's when you really started having interest in the piano. You threw yourself into it and kept learning and learning. It was your way of coping. I think piano saved you, even as a kid. We probably could have handled it better but you disassociated so much you would not respond to us when we tried. Eventually we let you be and kept taking you to therapy. You stopped talking about it there too. One day you just seemed fine and yourself again. Your therapist said your brains way of protecting itself was to pretend it never happened. Eventually you truly forgot it ever happened. We knew we would talk with you about it again some day but we weren't sure when. I am so sorry B."
"I am sorry you feel like you are just finding out about it Brandon" I said. "But we weren't sure what to do. We feel like we are at the place now, where we couldn't keep this from you guys any longer. You are definitely old enough to process this. We will process this with any of you however you need."
Gabriella's POV:
I finally get off the bus stop to San Ysirdo and head to my house. It is starting to get dark outside so I walk rather quickly. I am not one to usually get scared, I mean I definitely blend in, but lately I have been extra jumpy. I get to the abandoned house that is boarded up with pieces of wood and metal bars to prevent people from getting inside. I go around back and slide two pieces of the wood from a small window. I throw my two bags in first. I take one more look around me and carefully wiggle myself in. I am immediately placed into the hallway. Like always, I carefully and quietly walk around to make sure I have no visitors. It would be hard for someone to get in here but if I did someone else could too. I check the house and when the coast is clear I go into my room. There is a twin mattress that was left in the house and a few blankets on it that I got from the side of the road. I washed the blankets a few times and did my best to clean the mattress. The only other things in the room are a few of my extra clothes and some supplies like an extra bottle of my 3 in 1 soap, that I got on sale, and a hairbrush. Everytime I see or use my 3 in 1 hair product I cringe. My hair is so bad. I try to keep it as tame as possible but it isn't getting the proper treatment it needs. Every once in a while I splurge on conditioner, but it doesn't happen very often. There are a few candles and a few sets of matches that I stole from a convenience store. I felt so guilty after I did that, that when I got the money I went and gave it to a clerk. I found a battery operated alarm clock in here too. I am sure there is more stuff in the house but I am afraid to search through drawers and cabinets. You never know what you might find. I only use the stuff in this room. I use the bare minimum.
I sit on the mattress and take the matches and light the candles. It gives me enough light so I can do my homework. I take out the lunch that I took out of the trash today and eat half of the sandwich and a few of the vegetables. I drink some sips of water from my water bottle and put them back into my bag. I never know when I will get food again so I eat it sparingly. I get out my homework and begin to work on it with nothing else to do and nowhere else to go.
Stef's POV:
After we got everyone settled down and answered all of the questions we could, Lena ordered some pizza. There is no way we were cooking tonight. Or should I say there is no way Lena was cooking, considering she is the cook of the house. I am laying on my side on the couch and I sent the kids upstairs to start working on their homework. I feel a little guilty but honestly I need some time to clear my head and calm myself down. Lena returns saying that the pizza will be here in thirty minutes. She walks over to me and lays down in front of me. She snuggles in real close and I welcome the warmth and comfort she is giving me.
"I love you Lena, you and our kids are my entire world." I say choking up a bit. "Going through something as traumatic as losing a child really makes you think about life differently. It opens your eyes to what is truly important. I have discovered that love, family, and support are the only things that will actually get you through life."
"I love you too babe, our family is my entire world too. I love the family we have created together." I can feel her shake a little bit so I tighten my arms that are wrapped around her. We lay like that for a few moments in silence trying to process the events of the day.
After about ten minutes I hear Lena's voice. It is so small and lacks confidence that it worries me.
"Stef?"
"Yes my love."
"What if telling the kids was a mistake?" she whispers.
"It wasn't baby. I know you know that too. We need to be honest with them if we expect them to be honest with us. I know it is hard right now because they are hurting but I know for a fact that telling them was the right thing to do." I say confidentially.
"Honestly, me too. Just after I saw Brandon react how he did, I hate that he has to feel this pain again. It worries me that he will keep his feelings to himself and suffer alone for a second time. We need to put him in therapy immediately. If he will go willingly that is. It is different this time. He is a teenager. A lot of other stuff with his Dad and the divorce may pop up too. We need to keep a close watch on him. He has always been one of the quiet ones. We need to make sure we are there for all of the kids and that we are open and honest. I bet he has always secretly wished that he had a biological sibling. He is the only one that doesn't. I know he doesn't truly care because DNA isn't important but I bet the thought crossed his mind a few times. Then to find out that he indeed does have a biological sibling, that he doesn't even remember must be hard. But the fact that she was kidnapped, while they were in the same room must be traumatizing. We probably should have talked to him separately, but we didn't really plan this." Lena said sadly.
"I know love, I was thinking the same thing. We will be there for him and will do whatever we need to help him as well as all the other kids. Let's not worry because we will get through this as a family, yes?"
"Yes" she says, sighing.
"I know it won't be easy, but we will get there." I say making sure I say that with certainty.
"I know you are right. My emotions are a mess today. I am sorry I am doubting so much. I know we will get through this. I am just having a hard time distinguishing logic, feelings, and thoughts right now." I hear Lena start getting really discouraged with herself. She is the one who can usually control her emotions easily. She can put logic on the table before letting her emotions get to her, I normally can't.
"You know what?" I ask. "This just proves how perfect we are for each other. Baby, you can have days when you are emotional and need extra comfort, I have them too. When I do the roles are reversed and you are saying the things to me that I am saying to you right now. When one of us is weak the other steps in and becomes the strong one. We are there for each other and reassure each other. Sometimes we both break down at the same time, like when we were telling the kids, which is okay too. As long as we are together everything will be alright. Don't be so hard on yourself. This is a hard situation and any feelings you have are valid. Your thoughts might be jumbled but that is what family is for, to help each other sort them out." I say rubbing circles with my thumb on her stomach.
I feel Lena push herself off the couch to lay back down but this time she is facing me. Our noses are touching because the couch isn't very wide.
"How did I get so lucky to have found you?" Lena says, wrapping her arms around me and our legs intertwining. She kisses me softly and lays her face next to mine. Our lips are still gently touching but I know she needs to feel as close to me as possible. Who am I to complain? I need it too. I focus on the slight beat of her heart and let it comfort me.
I start to kiss her deeper and I feel myself getting filled with desire. She must feel this too as she licks my bottom lip asking for entrance. I open my mouth and then it dawns on me where we are. She starts moving her hands all over my body and I realize that I need to end this before a kid comes down. I pull away and we are both panting very heavily.
"As much as I would love to continue this, we could be interrupted at any second." I say regretfully.
"Ugh, I know, sorry. I was caught up in the moment. I just love you so much and I am so grateful you are my wife. You are the only one for me baby." Lena says this so passionately I can feel myself tear up. My goodness I am emotional today.
"I feel the same love. You have my heart, we will be okay as long as we have each other." She is about to say something else but the doorbell rings.
"That must be the pizza" Lena sighs, standing up.
"I'll get it love." I say standing up and kissing her lips lightly.
"I'll go get plates and drinks for everyone." She mumbles walking into the kitchen. I watch her walk away and grab my wallet that I set on the coffee table. I grab some money, open the door, and pay the man. I say thank you and manage a small smile. I take the pizzas into the kitchen and set them on the table. I feel like I am in a trance.
"Pizza's here!" I yell up the stairs.
"Stef." Lena says. She hates when people yell in the house.
"Sorry." I mumble. Usually I hear footsteps immediately start to descend the stairs at the mention of pizza but tonight the house is quiet. Even the sound of the kids footsteps coming down the stairs are somber. Dinner is a blur. Barely anyone spoke. I tried to make small talk but no one wanted to talk and I don't blame them. After a few tries to make any sort of conversation I stop as we all eat our pizza in silence. I figure they need some time to process everything they were told today. I can see on everyone's face that they are deep in thought. Mine probably looks the same. We don't even have to remind them that Jude and Jesus are on dishes tonight, everyone just quietly and quickly rinses off their own dishes and then finds a new job until the kitchen is clean. They slowly return upstairs each saying they still have homework.
"Well that was kind of painful." I say sitting next to Lena on the breakfast nook.
"Can you blame them? I didn't feel like talking either. They just need time to sort out their thoughts. This is a huge thing for them to process." Lena says, staring off into space.
"I know." I say grabbing her hand.
"I know that we are emotionally and physically exhausted but can we please talk about my student Gabriella? I feel bad asking you to look into it after the rough day we had but I am really worried about her. I know you probably don't want to talk about anything else that will make us even more emotional tonight but I am afraid to wait any longer." I look at Lena who is biting her lip as if she is nervous that I am not going to want to talk about anything else tonight.
"Of course love. I would do anything for you and if this is important to you then it is important to me. Not to mention I am worried just from the little amount of information you have shared with me. You said that she pulled food out of the trash at school?" I ask, my heart feeling an ache for the girl I have never met before.
"Yes. She thought no one was looking but I was watching her from my office. I saw her pull out a lunch a student threw out and quickly shove it in her bag. The first day I met her, her foster parents were supposed to meet with us but she said they both got called into work. Karina had met with them before and the recent meeting was just to go over her schedule, clear up any questions, and the foster parents needed to finish her application but she brought the rest of it completed and signed. I was just surprised her foster parents didn't call or email saying they couldn't make it. Her physical appearance was kind of alarming. She looked unhealthy. She is beautiful but you could tell in her eyes that she hasn't slept or eaten properly in some time. She looked really thin as well. The next day she came in and she had a backpack but she had no school supplies. She said she forgot them at home but I am pretty sure she was making it up. I gave her some supplies and a backpack to carry them in because the backpack she had was full. I tried to figure out what was in it but she was extremely protective of it and kept it close to her at all times, like it was the only thing she owns. I feel like there have been so many red flags and that it needs to be looked into. Lastly, I am praying I am wrong, but I tried to shake her hand and she flinched when I put my arm out towards her. It was like she was afraid I was going to hit her. I saw fear on her face for a millisecond before she recovered and carefully shook my hand. I tried to lightly touch her back to guide her out the door and she jumped. That is never a good sign. There were times when I felt like I was truly seeing her. Like when she was excited about the soccer field or when she told me I was one of the nicest people she ever met. She even told me all she wants to do is help people. It was like she was showing me a glimpse of who she really was and she was amazing. I felt like I really connected with her. I haven't been able to get her off my mind. I feel like she crossed my path for a reason Stef and I have to find out why." I can see the passion in Lena's eyes and hear it in her voice. I can't help but smile at my wife's heart, she is beautiful inside and out. I also have just grown a lot more concerned for her student after hearing more of the story.
"Okay babe, I will look her up tomorrow in the system and look into it. I will contact her social worker and see if we can schedule a home visit for where she is staying to see how the living conditions are. I can also request further inspection on her foster parents. I will have to tell her social worker all you just told me though, they need a reason to do a home visit that they weren't planning on doing. It will be okay, we will help her. I will see what I find out tomorrow and let you know as soon as I do." I say squeezing her hand.
"Thanks Stef." She says leaning into me.
"Anytime my love."
"I really just want to lounge around and do nothing. Maybe we could all watch a movie. I just want to put my pajamas on and lay around. Is that okay just for tonight?"
"Anything you want, my love." Lena and I make our way upstairs to get the kids. The night was a blur as well. We watched a movie but no one could focus on it because there was too much on our minds. As I finally make it into bed and feel Lena curl up into me I can't fall asleep. My brain keeps wandering to the conversation with the kids but also Lena's student. Gabriella. I hope that her social worker is understanding and considers what Lena is telling me to be enough of a reason to look into where she is staying. I think the fact that she pulled out food from a garbage can is enough of a reason in itself but the system has failed our family so many times. I feel something stir inside me and decide that I need to be determined to make sure it doesn't fail Gabriella. Hoping that someone is on Ella's side fighting for her as well.