Gabriella's POV:
*Beep Beep Beep*
I groan as I am woken up by the awful sound of my alarm clock. I roll over and hit the snooze button on my alarm. It is 4:00am in the morning. I know that I have to get up if I want to make it to school on time. I try to encourage myself by remembering it is Wednesday, I made it to the middle of the week. Taking the bus to school everyday from so far away is going to be so exhausting. I don't know how long I am going to last. I started yesterday, I can't think about bailing already, I worked hard to get into this school. Besides, Anchor Beach is one of the best things that can happen to me. Being a foster kid, I need all the help I can get for college applications.
I feel like a zombie as I slowly get ready for school and make it to the bus stop. It annoys me that it takes a while for me to get there. There are so many stops in between it is drawn out, but I guess that is public transportation for you.
I get off of a bus stop that is just around the corner from school. Right before I got off someone said it was 7:30am. I have a half an hour until school starts. Just as I reach the parking lot I see a car packed with kids pull into one of the marked parking spots. It only takes me a moment to realize that it is Mrs. Adams-Foster and some of her kids. I watch one girl a little older than me exit the car and I feel a pang of jealousy run through me. She has brown wavy hair and is pretty thin. What was that? I don't even know her. Two more boys exit the car, right before Mrs. Adams-Foster gets out. She walks around the car to get her stuff out of the trunk.
She looks up at me and I just freeze, realizing that she caught me staring at her. I just have a deep desire to be with her. I wish I could just run over to her and hug her and never let go. She smiles at me and waves and I realize I am still staring. I throw her a quick smile and practically run inside the building.
I make it through my first few classes. School isn't so bad. I can definitely tell the difference between this charter school and my old public school. Some of the kids are not the nicest, but there are some that I could probably become friends with eventually.
It's finally time for lunch and the thought of even trying to find a place to sit and make it through the awkwardness of not knowing anyone feels awful. I walk in the opposite direction of most people who are headed to lunch. I decide to walk by Mrs. Adams-Foster's office. Part of me hopes she walks out or sees me and comes to talk to me. Another part of me hopes she doesn't see me at all. I don't really understand these feelings. The vulnerability I feel around her makes me want to run and hide, but her kindness and sweet spirit is like something that I have never encountered. I feel drawn to her. What if she doesn't like me or my flaws?
I make it to her office and slowly walk by the window. I notice she isn't in there alone. I think that is one of the art teachers with her. I walk by slowly and watch her interact with the teacher. I feel a little bit like a stalker but part of me doesn't even care because of the loneliness I feel inside. I have such a desire to get close with someone who is safe and will help heal the brokenness I feel inside. I didn't realize I stopped moving and was blatantly staring at her again. I quickly walked away before I was caught again and decided I would explore the school.
I wander up the stairs and peek my head into what looks like an art room. If there was anything that I could spend money on that wasn't a necessity, it would be a sketchbook. I miss drawing so much. It has always been a way for me to express the dark parts inside of me. I love that I can use it as an outlet to let out what is inside, but don't have to worry about anyone finding out the specific meaning. I start looking through some of the supplies and can't wait for art class later today.
As I am walking out I bump into someone. I look up and it is the teacher that was talking with Mrs. Adams-Foster. She is very pretty for her age. She looks about to be in her mid fifties. She has long white hair up in a messy bun, but her clothes seem to be pretty stylish. She just looks like she has a fun personality.
"I am so sorry!" I say looking up at the teacher.
"Oh, it is ok, it was an accident. What is your name dear?"
"Gabriella, I just started this week actually."
"Oh yes! You are in my class this afternoon. My name is Mrs. Baker. It is nice to meet you dear."
"Thank you, you too. I was just looking around a little bit, I hope that is okay. I am very eager to start class and I got a little excited when I saw all of the supplies."
"That is certainly fine. You are welcome here anytime, well not during your other classes of course. I always leave my doors unlocked so if you ever need a break during a lunch or study hall, please come in. Everyone is welcome here. You can use anything that you want in the classroom that isn't in a cabinet with someone's name on it. I have another meeting to get to, but welcome to the school and I am looking forward to seeing what you can do!"
I watch her walk off in a hurry with a little bounce. She has spunk, I will give her that. I decide to go look in the cabinets and see what I can find.
Lena's POV:
I just finished my meeting with Mrs. Baker and my mind wanders back to Gabriella. Stef is looking into her current fostering situation today. I didn't look up when I was in my meeting but I knew that was her standing outside my office. I wish she would just come to me. I know she wants to, but she must be terrified. I figured she must be on her lunch break but I decided to double check. I pull up her schedule and see that my assumption was correct. I doubt she would go sit with the other kids. She doesn't know anyone but also I watched her pull food out of a trash can yesterday, maybe she doesn't have anything to eat. I have never been so drawn to one of my students, and have been so sure that I need to help them. I feel the same way I did when I knew that we were supposed to take in Jesus, Mariana, Callie, and Jude. The way she looks at me with her eyes, I can feel her desperation.
It is probably a long shot but I decide to see if I can find her. I know she was interested in the soccer team, as well as taking some art classes. I head to the soccer field to see if maybe she wandered out there for her lunch but I walk out onto an empty field. I go back inside and make my way upstairs to the art room wondering if she is up there.
Gabriella's POV:
It feels like forever since I last drew something. Everytime my pencil makes a new line, I feel like the tightness in my chest begins to decrease. It makes me feel grounded and secure, like I am not trapped inside my head so much. I am not even sure what I am drawing specifically. All I know is that it is making some of the bad thoughts go away.
I hear someone in heels walking in the hallway but I don't think to look up because I assume that they are going to walk by the classroom. I don't even realize that the noise has gotten very close to me because I am so consumed in my drawing. I also didn't notice that the walking stopped all together until I hear her voice.
"Hi honey." My body stiffens at the sound of Mrs. Adams Foster. Why am I getting so nervous, isn't this what I wanted? I slowly look up and my emotions can't tell if they should feel relief or dread.
"Hi Mrs. Adams-Foster." I don't really know what to say.
"I wanted to check up on you. How are things going?"
"Things are going alright. Oh, I am on lunch by the way, I am not skipping anything." I hope she doesn't think I am skipping classes. I don't want her to think I am trouble, then she really won't like me.
"Oh honey, I am not worried about that. I know you are on lunch. What are you drawing there?"
I look down at my picture and suddenly feel self conscious.
"Oh it is nothing, just a picture. I am not really sure where it is going." I begin to examine my drawing. I see Mrs. Adams-Foster sit down next to me out of the corner of my eye but I don't look up. All I have so far is a silhouette of a girl. I am not sure if it is me or not. The hair is curly and matches my length, maybe it is.
"Well it is very nice, I didn't know you were so talented."
"It is no big deal, I just love to draw and paint."
"Don't downplay yourself so much, it is good and I can't wait to see what it looks like when it is finished."
A silence falls over us. I am feeling a little insecure so I don't continue drawing. I am not sure what to say. All day I have been hoping to see her and now I feel at a loss for words. I wish I could tell her everything. That I ran from my awful foster home and that they didn't even try to find me or file a missing report. They still get a check, that is all they care about. Tell her that I have been treated so badly in my life and I want to give up sometimes. But I can't and all I know is I don't want her to leave.
"Are you okay? You seem down." She asks. What do I have to lose? I am already homeless and sometimes can't find enough food. I already have nothing. Then again, if she found out I was on my own she would be required to report it. She is the Vice Principal. What if I got put in an abusive foster home again, I really don't want to take that chance. Although, maybe I deserve it. Maybe my life wasn't meant to ever have a happy ending. Telling her about it may not change the course of my fate, but it may make it less lonely. I decide to wing it and see how it goes.
"I don't know, I am not sure." I say, trying to see how she will react.
"I'm sorry, I don't think I understand what you mean by you are not sure Sweetheart. Would you mind explaining it to me?" I finally look up at her and meet her eyes. I feel like I am looking at her like a lost puppy but my resolve breaks around her. I can't keep it in.
"I am just tired," I whisper. I start to feel my eyes gloss over as she grabs my hand. I debate pulling it back but this is the first time in a long time someone has made any sort of affection towards me that was out of goodness. I have been longing for someone to hold me and this may be all I get for now.
"Tired of what?" She whispers back.
"A lot of things."
"Could you tell me what some of those are?" I take a deep breath and let out a very big sigh.
"I just feel like I am falling apart sometimes and I don't have a way to put the pieces back together."
"Oh Honey, I know we just met and I don't know a lot about you, but I would love to get to know you. I will do whatever I can to help you as well. Will you tell me some of the things that get you to feel this way?"
"I don't know. I mean, I guess I am your average foster kid who is tired of bouncing around from home to home. There are a lot of people who have been through what I have too, so it is probably not a big deal. I shouldn't be complaining so much."
"Of course it is a big deal. YOU are a big deal. You have so much value. There is only one you sweetheart. You are irreplaceable. Even if other people have gone through what you have, it still matters. It still is very real and difficult for you. That doesn't mean it has to be dismissed, absolutely not. I want to help you, you just have to let me. Is your current foster home okay, are they treating you well?" I debate telling her the truth, I don't want to lie to her ever again.
"Well they aren't hurting me." Technically this is true, because I don't live with them anymore. The dad hit me a few times, but nothing compared to some other homes, and he only ever hit me when he was completely wasted. He is drunk a lot but he was usually passed out anytime I was around. The mom is always in and out of the house with new men or on some type of drug. She didn't really pay attention to me either. No wonder her husband drinks every day. They honestly probably don't even know I am not there anymore.
"Do you get along with them?" She asks.
"I don't really want to talk about my foster parents." I try to take the conversation away from them. I don't need her getting suspicious and looking into them. If she were to do research on the home I am supposed to be in, she could figure out I don't even live there anymore and then I am really in trouble. I could get put into juvie for running away, then again considering my foster parents don't know I probably wouldn't get in trouble, no one knows I ran away.
"That's alright. But if they are doing something that makes you uncomfortable please know that you can come to me. I will do everything in my power to help you." I can't help but feel glimmers of hope when she says those things to me. I know she means well, but what can she really do?
I am too messed up anyways. Not only have I done bad things, I have had too much happen to me. I think I am damaged goods. I have an eating disorder, which I don't even know how bad it is now because I mostly don't eat cause I don't have access to food. I have also stolen, granted the things I stole were so I could survive, but it still doesn't make it okay. I have lied to a lot of adults, even her during our first meeting and yesterday about the school supplies. She probably won't forgive me. I have had urges to hurt myself lately, but I don't know what she would do. Again, she would have to report it and who knows what would happen to me. CPS would look into the home I am in and all hell would break loose.
"I am fine, really." I say putting on a fake smile.
"Gabriella honey, you just told me you feel broken and tired, you don't have to put on a brave face for me."
I start to get anxious as I realize how vulnerable I let myself get with her. Anytime I let myself get vulnerable with someone, I get hurt. I start to gather my things together because I need to get out of here. I put everything in my bag and I think I hear her sigh.
"Honestly Mrs. Adams-Foster, I take back what I said, I think that I am just feeling confused with starting a new school and trying to fit in. I really am okay, I am sorry to have wasted your time." I stand up and so does she.
"Honey, please don't clam up on me, it is okay, you can trust me. You did not waste my time."
"Look, I am sure you are really trustworthy but I was just overreacting. I tend to do that. I will see you around." I practically run out the door.
"Wait!" I hear her yell as I am already in the hallway. I hear her heels walking much more quickly than the first time I heard them. Luckily, the bell rings and the hall floods with students. I keep walking so she can't catch up with me and pull my schedule out from my back pocket. I check the room number and subject. It is English with Timothy. Just Timothy? Why wouldn't they put Mr. whatever his name is on the schedule? Oh well, I head down to class and realize that I am going to have to avoid Mrs. Adams-Foster at all costs now. No matter how I feel, I can't go near her.
I make it into the classroom and Timothy welcomes me to the class. He tells me to take a seat anywhere. I sit towards the middle, close enough to pay attention, but far enough away that I don't have to be the focus. Some of the people entering the room I have seen around a bit in my other classes. I sigh when I see the latina girl from yesterday morning. She ends up sitting next to me and I keep my head down.
"Alright everyone, I am going to let you spend the first 20 minutes working on your projects. This is the last class time I will be giving and this is a big project, please remember to plan your time accordingly. As you all have noticed and maybe already have met, we have a new student, so welcome Gabriella." I feel my face get red. "Since we are halfway through our projects and you just started I am going to let you join someone. Mariana, I take it you will welcome Ms. Morrison with open arms and you will work together smoothly." I look over at Mariana and as I guess correctly, it is the exact girl beside me I was hoping it wasn't.
"Hi, I am Mariana."
"Yeah, I know, we met yesterday." I say a bit coldly. I see her frown and I feel bad. Maybe I was too harsh, after all she didn't really say anything.
"Right, look I am sorry about Caitlyn. She isn't the nicest person in the world. But they are really the only friends I have and they are on the dance team, which I love. I know they weren't nice and I am sorry about that." I look at her kind of shocked.
"Why do you hang out with them? Can't you still dance and be on a team with them without spending your free time together?"
"I could, but Caitlyn is the captain and she could kick me off if she wanted to."
"Is it worth it?" I watch her kind of ponder what I say as her eyebrows furrow. "Look I am sorry," I say, "It is not my business who your friends are."
"No, it's okay. I was going to work on my project tonight, why don't you come over and we can work on it together. I can show you a little bit with the last few minutes we have in class and then we can go into more detail tonight. Would that work?"
I debate my answer. I know it would be a good idea to work on the project right away, and Mariana may even be able to be my friend. If I can't get close to Mrs. Adams-Foster now, maybe I can have a friend my age. On the downside I may miss the bus, so where am I going to sleep tonight? Oh well, it is not like I haven't had this problem before.
"Sure, where should I meet you?"
"Well I am walking home today because I wasn't ready on time to get a ride here. My family left without me so meet me at my locker and we will walk to my house. My locker is number 87."
"Okay, sounds good." Hopefully I made the right choice.