Lenas POV:
I am dishing up food for Gabriella and I. I can see her waiting patiently for me outside. I have Mariana sitting out there talking with her so she doesn't run off. I can see a faint smile on her face as Mariana is chatting her ear off and it gives me hope that they can become friends. I think they would be good for each other. I think they are both kind hearted teens but don't feel like they fit in anywhere. I also think Gabriella could help Mariana with her desire to fit in so badly. I know Mariana could help Gabriella come out of her shell a little. I am not sure how to approach Gabriella, but I can't shake the feeling that she was placed in my life for a reason. I refuse to give up.
"Do you think she will say anything about her foster family?" Stef asks me. It is just the two of us in the kitchen right now. I haven't called the other kids down from their rooms because I think it will just overwhelm her.
"I am not sure. I doubt she will tonight. I am not going to bring it up unless she says something. I need to tread carefully with her. I know she is freaked out. I mean you saw her take off, I feel like she is a ticking time bomb."
"Yes, I can see why you want to help her. She seems very sweet. Just traumatized and lost. I barely met her and feel slightly drawn to her as well." I look over to Stef a little surprised.
"You do?" I ask.
"...Yes." She hesitates and I can tell she wants to say something. I wonder if she is having thoughts about the similarities between Gabriella and Ella. "Does she..." Stef starts but then stops. I see her shake her head. We are thinking the same thing. My heart beats a little faster.
"What sweetheart?" I want her to finish the thought.
"Nothing, it is stupid."
"I am sure it is not stupid. I probably have the same thoughts you are having right now." She looks over at me kind of quickly. She makes her way over to me and takes the plate out of my hand and sets in on the counter. She pulls me close to her and leans her forehead against mine. I can feel her breath on my lips.
"Are we crazy?" I ask, feeling vulnerable.
"No, we are grieving mothers."
"I always pictured her to look something like that. They have the same eyes. She can't be Ella can she?" I feel Stef take a deep breath.
"I don't know love. Probably not. I keep chalking it up to how emotional we are after reliving the past yesterday but I also can't shake this gut feeling that she is meant to be in our lives." I smile at hearing Stef say this.
"Me too. I am so happy you think that. Maybe... maybe, Ella sent her to us. Sent Gabriella to us, to help her?"
I feel Stef lean in to kiss me lightly. I kiss her back just as softly. I can feel her deepen the kiss just as she did last night. I can't help but groan a little as I pull her in close. I let myself get lost in the feel of her lips for a moment.
"Ugh, we need some alone time" I laugh, pulling away. I look up to her smirking.
"It has definitely been too long, baby. I am craving your body." I love when she talks about my body that way. It makes me feel so desired, cherished and loved. I can't help but feel butterflies in my stomach.
"We will make time this week or weekend, okay love?" She gives me one more peck before moving back over to the other side of the island. I smirk at this knowing she needs to distance herself from me, before it becomes too difficult.
"Lena, I don't want us to get too hopeful or use Gabriella to fill some void in our lives because of our grief. I think we need to try to separate the two situations for now. We can help Gabriella, whether she is truly Ella or not. I don't want us to be so desperate for answers, that we may be trying to make this something it isn't. I think we focus on Gabriella, find out more about her story and start there. Our baby may be... gone forever. I don't want to hurt Gabriella if we try to make her fit into some box just to satisfy the pain of our missing child. The looks are decently similar but we haven't seen her for seven years. She could look so different from Gabriella. Let's take it one day at a time. If we keep feeling like there are similarities, we will pursue them. But our immediate need is to help that girl out there, that clearly needs it. Whether she is our daughter or not. Do you agree?"
I have been listening to Stef intently and couldn't agree more. "Yes, sweetheart. That is a very wise plan. And people say I am the smart one," I tease playfully.
She gives me a wink. "Are you going to go out there and eat with her? She needs food, she looks so malnourished. Bring her lots of water too. We should send her home with some food. She probably won't let us. I may sneak some in her school bag while you are outside."
"Oh, good thinking Stef. Yes, I will go out and send Mariana in. Then you can call the kids down. I will have her back facing the house so she doesn't feel like everyone is staring at her but please make sure the kids' curiosity isn't too overwhelming for her."
"You got it my love."
Gabriella's POV:
I hear the back door open and look at Mrs. AdamsFoster walking outside, carrying two plates. Stef is behind her carrying two large glasses of water. What is Mrs. AdamsFoster's name? I realize I didn't know. Yet her wife told me to call her by her first name. I discovered they were married as Mariana explained to me the beautiful wedding they had in this back yard. I can only picture what Mrs. AdamsFoster looked like, in the dress Mariana described to me, but I am sure she was absolutely beautiful. She has that beauty, kindness and love that you picture any amazing mom to have.
"Hi sweetheart, I come bearing gifts!" She sets two plates on the table. Stef sets the glasses down, winks at me and walks back in the house. I can't help but give her a shy smile. I like her. She seems so warm underneath all of that original intimidation I felt from her. "Why don't you sit here, so we can be across from each other." I move over to the spot with my back facing the house. It makes me a little anxious that I can't see who could come in and out of the house, but for some reason my gut tells me I will be safe here.
"Thanks," I mumble. Usually I don't take food from people, but I have been feeling so dizzy and sick lately from lack of food and water. If I want to keep trying to survive I don't think I have another choice. I thought I was going to pass out earlier when I was running down the street. I almost lost my balance more than once. I look down to baked chicken, sauteed asparagus, roasted potatoes and salad. This looks better than anything I have ever eaten in my life.
"Well, I am going to go inside and get some food. Bye!" Mariana says kindly after hurrying in the house. I feel so weird it is just Mrs. AdamsFoster and I. I can't believe I agreed to this. I am about to eat dinner alone with my principal in her backyard. How weird am I? I just can't shake the feeling that we are supposed to be in each other's lives though. Even when I try to run. I have never felt that before. Even Stef and Mariana. I feel drawn to everyone here and it scares the crap out of me. We eat in silence for a little while. I can tell she is trying not to push me. I am so nervous I am eating at a snail's pace and taking tiny bites so I don't get sick. I haven't eaten a full meal in weeks.
"So sweetheart, can we talk about your first day of school?" She looks at me smiling encouragingly. I know she is trying to keep her promise of not talking about anything I don't want to. That makes me feel safe and extremely grateful.
"Sure."
"What do you think of Anchor Beach? Did you enjoy your classes, make any friends? I saw you in the art room, did you meet the teacher? Tell me everything!" She says excitedly.
I can't help but actually feel touched that she genuinely cares how my first day was so I return her smile and give her an honest answer.
"It was good. I had a rough start to the day. Apparently I was sitting at the wrong table this morning." I say sarcastically. I probably shouldn't have mentioned that cause her smile turned into a frown. I wasn't even thinking about Mariana's involvement when I said it. Crap. I could tell she was about to ask me about it so I quickly kept going. "But then I came to get my schedule from you, which you know happened there." She gave me a smile again. Hopefully the crisis is averted. "I found my classes okay. I didn't feel like dealing with the awkwardness of being a new girl at lunch and not knowing anyone, so I decided to go see where the art room was cause I had class later that day anyways. I was looking at stuff just admiring the room and then as I was leaving I ran into Mrs. Baker. She was really nice and told me I could use any supplies. I found a ton of sketchbooks so I took one and started drawing, which is when you found me." I looked up to see if she was listening. She was, intently. "Let's see. Well all my classes were fine. I had Timothy's class which is where I met Mariana. She told me we should start working on the project and invited me over. I did not know she was your daughter or I wouldn't have-" I realized what I was saying and stopped. Opps. "Sorry I didn't mean..."
"Honey, why would you have not come here if you knew she was my daughter?" I can see the disappointment on her face and I feel awful. I just shrug, not sure what to do.
"Honey?" I look up at her again and her expression is still soft and understanding. She gently grabs my hand. I know I should pull away, but I don't. I don't want to. I feel bad for everything I have put her through. Before I lose courage I whisper. "You make me nervous."
She looks at me puzzled. "Why do you think that? Am I doing something to make you uncomfortable?"
"Not on purpose, I just. I am not sure. I feel all nervous around you, like you can see right through me. Like, you really care about what I am thinking and feeling and I am not usually very open with people and you have a way of making me feel safe like I should open up to you. But I don't normally do that and I get incredibly anxious because I just know that it is better for me to keep people at a distance, but when I am with you I always find myself wanting to tell you the truth and I get scared." I realize I am rambling at this point and feel my face grow hot, incredibly embarrassed I just said all that. "See, I should not have said that!" I go to try and stand up but she squeezes my hand.
"Please don't run sweetheart. Please. I know you are used to keeping people at a distance, but I don't want you to do that with me. I am touched that you feel safe with me. I want you to feel safe with me. I want you to open up to me and be vulnerable. I care about you. I can't help but feel like you have come into my life for a reason." This surprises me. I make eye contact to see if she is faking but I see so much truth in her eyes.
"Really?"
"Yes, honey." I am not sure what to do with this information. "What truth?"
"What do you mean?" I say biting my lip.
"You said you want to tell me the truth. What is the truth?" I look into her eyes, tears filling my own. I know if I blink they will fall down my cheeks. I just look at my lap.
I hear her stand up and walk towards me. I feel her sit down next to me on the bench and turn her body towards me. I feel her take my chin in her hands and lift my face up to meet hers. I can't help it as tears fall down my face. She gently brushes them away with her fingers and says, "What truth, baby?" Baby? I heard her call Mariana that earlier. I can't help but feel mixed emotions about that. Part of it excites me.
"I can't," I whisper.
"You can honey, you can!" She says this so passionately, I almost believe her.
"No, you don't understand. It will make it worse. Please, please don't make me tell you." I start sobbing at this point and I feel her wrap me up in her arms. I start to pull away but she just hugs me tighter. I let go and succumb to my feelings as I start weeping. Weeping for everything I have been through. Every dark thought and feeling I have ever had. For feeling so alone and lost. I finally let myself be comforted by someone and get lost in my emotions. All of my walls are crumbling down.
Lena's POV:
I hold on to Gabriella for dear life as she just weeps in my arms. I can't help but wonder if she has ever been held like this. I start whispering comforting words in her ear as I am rubbing her back. "It's okay sweetheart. I got you. You are not alone. We will work through this together." I try to stay present, but now that I can feel how thin her body is with my arms wrapped around her, I seriously wonder if she should go to a hospital. She is so thin I can feel her ribs as if I am touching them directly. I knew if I looked at them I would clearly see defined lines. Not that she would ever show me.
It is starting to get dark out. She has been in my arms for about twenty minutes. She has been silent for the last ten and I can hear her even breathing. I wonder if she fell asleep.
I take a peek down at her face and her eyes are closed. I am not sure what to do. I hear the back door open slowly and Stef quietly walks out.
"Is she sleeping?" My wife asks.
"I think so," I whisper back. I try to look down at her. I do a trick I did with Ella when she was a toddler. I grab her arm lightly to see if it falls down slowly or lightly. If it falls down slowly, she is semi conscious, preventing her arm from falling. If it drops down quickly, like dead weight, she is in a deep sleep. I lift it up a little and it falls down quickly. "She's out."
"Poor baby, I could see her and hear her break down. Luckily the kids were in the living room watching a movie, I know she would be embarrassed if they witnessed that. She didn't eat much of her dinner." I sigh looking down. "We need to get her to eat some."
"Yes we do Stef, I can feel her ribs. There is no meat on her body. I am so concerned about her. I feel like she needs to go to the hospital, but I am almost positive she wont let us take her. What are we going to do with her tonight? She didn't tell me anything but I am worried about her living situation. How do we just let her go home,"
"Well," Stef starts. "Legally we can't do anything unless we have actual proof. We can drive her home to her foster family. See how they respond and see how she reacts. If we are concerned and see something harmful, we don't let her stay. At least meeting them we will get a clearer picture and we aren't just sending her back there. She definitely isn't taking the bus."
"Alright, I am going to wake her up to see if she will eat." I say, looking down at Gabriella again. I run my fingers through her dark brown curly hair. I can't help but look up at Stef while I do this, thinking of all the times I played with Ellas hair. It feels the same.
Stef knows what I am thinking and says, "Lena honey, one step at a time."
"I know." I brace myself, hoping she will have a positive reaction when she wakes up. I move to shake her gently when Stef's voice stops me, "Wait!" she whispers.
"What?"
"Should we look in her bag?" I glance at Stef nervously. In one sense I want to see if it will give us some insight into her situation but on the other hand, I don't want to break her trust. I shake my head. "Not yet. Let's not violate her privacy quite yet. Let's see what we can discover first. If we get desperate we will resort to more drastic measures. I am not ready to give her a reason not to trust us yet." Stef nods her head in agreement.
"Gabriella sweetheart, wake up." Nothing. I try shaking her gently this time. "Honey!" I say a bit louder. I get a groan and chuckle softly. "Come on baby, it's time to get up." "Not yet, Mommy." I look at Stef as her eyes widen. "Come on love," I say, my heart beating faster. I keep persisting. "Soon Mommy", she mumbles.
I freeze and am instantly transported back to waking up Ella the day after her 4th birthday.
I walk into my sweet Ella's room. She just turned four yesterday. I see the sun shining in her room creating a pretty pattern on the floor. It's so warm and cozy. I look over and see a mass of brown curls on a tiny little body spread out all over her light purple pillow.
I can't help myself as I crawl into her bed and wrap my arms around her. She smells so yummy from her bath last night, just like my conditioner and body wash. She always insists on using it. She turns around and snuggles into me and my heart just clenches almost painfully at the love I feel for my baby girl. "Ella baby, time to get up!" Nothing. "Sweetheart, we need to get up!" I hear her groan and I can't help but chuckle. This has been a pattern since I can remember. It takes five tries to get her awake. And they are always in the same order. " Elllllllllllla!" I sing sweetly. "Not yet, Mommy." I smile. I don't care that she is four, hearing Mommy always makes me smile. I just am so blessed to be her Mom. "Come on love." "Soon, Mommy." She mumbles. I tickle her ribs a little and she can't help but giggle and open her eyes.
I come out of my thoughts and look up at Stef. She is having the same reaction. "Lena she... that's what Ella... is that... that can't be a coincidence," she says looking at me so intensely and whispering. She seems scared. I decide to try something and tickle Gabriella's ribs. She giggles and opens her eyes.
Gabriella's POV:
I open my eyes feeling really disoriented. I was just having a dream that my mom was waking me up as a little kid. She was so kind and soft spoken. My heart clenches realizing it was just a dream, not reality. She smelled and sounded so much like Mrs. AdamsFoster. It is so embarrassing how desperate I am. How much I wish Mrs. AdamsFoster was my mother. I am pathetic.
I take a second to realize that I am leaned against a pile of brown curls. "Oh!" I shout, standing up quickly. I instantly wish I hadn't done that because I start to sway slightly and know I am about to fall down.
"Easy there Sweets," I hear Stef say as she catches me quickly. I try to get out of her arms but my head hurts too much. I move to clutch my head in my hands and my knees give out. Luckily I don't fall as Stef wraps her arms around my tightly and helps lower me to the floor. I am almost on top of her. I should be embarrassed but I feel like my head is being pounded on with a hammer and I can't even care about that right now.
"Gabriella honey, are you okay!" Mrs. AdamsFoster exclaims worriedly.
"Yes, I am fine. Sorry. I just have a headache."
"Honey, this isn't just a headache" says Stef, looking at me like she isn't fooled by me.
"I really will be fine, I think I just need a little water. I am used to drinking water all day and I haven't had any today."
"Sweetheart, I think we should go to the hospital." I hear Mrs. AdamsFoster say.
"What, why? Over a headache?"
"No, you seem very light headed. When I was chasing you outside you couldn't keep going. You were very wobbly and now this. I am worried that you may be dehydrated and lacking some nutrition. We should get you checked out."
"Lacking nutrition? No I am not. My foster parents feed me all the time. I just need water." I say panicking. I know neither of them believe me. I feel Stef sigh as she is still supporting me.
"Alright," Stef says. "Lets have you drink some water and finish your dinner. I would like you to eat all of your food if you can." I look at her with a glare. Who does she think she is?
"I barely know you. I don't know why you are concerned or what your problem is, but I don't have to listen to you." I say rolling my eyes. I try to stand up. I know I am going to feel dizzy. Stef surprisingly helps me and guides me back onto the picnic table bench next to Mrs. Adams Foster.
"I am going to go heat up the food up for you, while you sit here with Lena." Stef says, grabbing the plates and heading inside. Lena, that's her name. It's pretty.
"Gabriella honey, please just let us help." I debate mouthing off again but realize that if I want to avoid the hospital and make my journey home I am going to need food and water. "Please just finish your dinner and drink your water, okay? I will feel better if you won't let us get you checked out."
"Fine." I mumble with attitude.
Stef comes back and sets both our plates down. Stef sits at the table too while Lena and I finish eating in silence. I finish my dinner about ten minutes later and drank all my water.
"I think I should head home." I say, ready to get out of here.
"Okay honey, we will drive you." I look over to Lena.
"No it's fine, I can take the bus."
"Absolutely not." Stef says sternly.
"Why?!"
"You are not taking the bus. It is dark out. You are 13 and San Ysidro is not a great place to be walking late at night." Stef tries again.
"Well, I don't care, you aren't the boss of me. Neither of you. I barely know any of you. Clearly this was a mistake." I pick my backpack up and slowly start making my way out the back gate.
"What are you so afraid of us finding out Gabriella?" Lena asks.
"Nothing." I say confidently.
"Then let us take you home." I debate this for a minute. They think I am hiding something. Which I am! But if I refuse a ride they will get more suspicious. I either need to figure out how to sneak away or let them drive me home to some random house and hopefully they don't try to talk to my nonexistent foster parents. I will say that I go in through the back door and run out of the car into some random backyard.
"Fine." I say slightly childish.
"Come inside. We need to get our keys and bring these plates in." I look up to Stef and nod. We all walk into the kitchen.
Stef's POV:
I am surprised Gabriella agreed all of a sudden.
"Can I use the bathroom?" I hear Gabriella ask. Lena and I look to each other. We are thinking the same thing. She wants to run.
"Sure honey, let me show you where it is." Lena says kindly guiding her out. Once I hear the bathroom door close Lena comes back into the kitchen, but keeping an eye on the bathroom door.
"Stef, that was not a coincidence. When I woke her up. It's her right? I mean, how could it not be."
"I don't know. Part of me thinks so. We both thought that it may be her the first second we saw her. But what if it isn't and we are filtering this all through a lens of wanting our daughter back. But she woke up the exact same way Ella did. That, that has to be her. I don't know what to think Lena. I am so torn. We could try to get a DNA test but we have to do it by the books and Gabriella may need to agree. We would have to call her social worker."
"What if it's not. What if we are crazy?" Lena asks with big eyes. This is so hard.
"I don't know honey. I don't. I am going to go check on Garbiella, it's been a while."
I go to the bathroom door and knock. "Gabriella, sweetheart?" Nothing. "Sweets, are you okay?" I knock a little louder this time. I start feeling nervous. "Honey, can you open the door?" Nothing. "Gabriella, I am going to come in if you don't open the door." Nothing. Lena is next to me at this point. "Alright, I am coming in." I turn the knob but it is locked. Shit. I quickly go to the kitchen and grab a key to unlock the bathroom door. I put the key in the lock and open the door.
The lights are off so I switch them on quickly and see that the window is wide open and the curtain is blowing in the wind. She had left through the window.