Lena's POV:
Stef and I are finally settled down after some much needed reconnecting. How we went a month without having sex, I have no idea. Being intimate with my wife, in the midst of our crazy overwhelming life, is a huge part of what keeps us going and feeling like we are on the same page. All feelings of guilt about sleeping together with everything going on and six kids in the house are gone and replaced with pure bliss. I can feel Stef's arms wrapped around me. Our naked bodies pressed together and her even breathing. She has already fallen asleep. My body feels so relaxed from the pleasure she just gave me. Yet my mind won't stop running. I can't stop hoping that everything will work out peacefully this morning. However, there are so many unanswered questions and unknowns. What is going to happen when Gabriella's social worker gets here? What if she won't stay with us? What if she won't take a DNA test? What if she isn't our daughter? We will keep fostering her, but will my connection with her not be as strong? WIll it stay because I am still connected with her as a person? Or have I subconsciously been feeling so drawn to her because I think she is my daughter? What if she is Ella, will she forgive us?
I can't quiet my thoughts and I debate getting out of bed. I start moving to get up and feel Stef's arms naturally tighten around me in her sleep. I smile and turn so our faces are near each other. I put my head in the crock of her neck and listen to her heartbeat. I try my best to stop thinking, knowing I am going to need energy for the day ahead and try to let her soft breathing and heartbeat lull me to sleep.
Gabriella's POV:
I wake up feeling slightly disoriented but actually somewhat rested. That was the best sleep I have had in a while. My mattress is so soft. And I have blankets that aren't making me itch. Wait, where am I? I open my eyes and spring up in a panic. I look around and see the name Mariana on the wall. Oh yeah, I am at Mrs. AdamsFoster's house. Oh god, the social worker is coming today. I groan and throw myself back down. I look at the clock and it is 8:30am. The house is unusually quiet and Mariana isn't in her bed. How did I not wake up when she left? I am always the most light sleeper of all time. The other kids must all be at school by now.
I hear voices outside the door and quickly turn my back to the door and close my eyes. I feel like an actual idiot pretending to be asleep like a toddler but I will do anything to avoid trying to talk to Stef and Lena right now. I can tell it is them through their hushed whispers.
There is a slight knock on the door and I grow nervous. Do I answer? Or pretend to sleep. One more knock, I don't do anything. The door slowly opens and I feel vulnerable with my back turned so I pretend I am waking up at the same time they enter the room.
"Good morning honey," Lena says, all dressed and ready for the day. I suddenly feel self conscious in Mariana's pajamas.
"Morning."
"How did you sleep?" Stef asks me.
"Pretty good, thanks." I say, looking at her.
She smiles at me and keeps talking. "Well, Lena and I wanted to talk to you about something. Do you mind if we come in and sit down with you?" I just shake my head and they smile. What do they want? I start feeling anxiety and am trying not to shake. Where am I going to end up going? I knew I shouldn't have told them. The new place I go to may be worse. I watch Stef sit on Mariana's bed and Lena comes and sits down at the foot of the bed I slept in last night. I sit up a little straighter and cross my legs. Lena moves slightly closer and puts her hand on my leg. My leg goes to move her off of me but I catch myself and stop. I twitched my leg though and she felt it, she is looking at me carefully. I hate feeling like she is studying me. She is though.
"Sweetheart," Lena starts, squeezing my leg. "Stef and I would really like it if you stayed here and we became your foster parents." Huh? I brush her hand off my leg without thinking and move away from her slightly. I am very uncomfortable.
"Why?" I can't keep the attitude out of my voice. I am feeling so vulnerable. I don't know how to react or respond. My walls have shot up.
"Well, I care, well, we care about you and want you to be somewhere safe." Lena responds.
"No, that's not all. You guys barely know me. I have only been around you a few times and I met Stef yesterday. Why?" I look at them intensely. I am daring them to say it. To say what I know they are thinking.
"Well," Stef this time, "We… we… we are wondering if you are our daughter." I get wide eyed. I didn't think she would actually say it. I thought I created the entire thing in my head. Lena looks at Stef shocked for admitting it.
"Nope. Nope, I am not doing this. Whatever issues and problems you have with whatever kid you abandoned, you aren't using me to fill some void. I don't want to stay here. I will go somewhere else." I hop out of bed quickly and grab my backpack, which I always keep packed and ready to go in case I need to get out quickly. I move to the door and Stef shuts it quickly blocking my path. I scowl at her and turn to the other door. I'll mail Mariana her pajamas. Lena surprises me by going and blocking the other door.
"What are you going to hold me captive?" I say, practically yelling at them.
"No, absolutely not. We will let you go, but PLEASE, please just listen to us." Stef says, begging.
"NO! I am not going to play into whatever sick fantasy this is because you feel guilty about your long lost kid. I won't do it. I won't be used like that. Besides, I don't remember my parents." I say, getting quieter towards the end.
"Well how do you know we aren't your parents then?" Lena asks. I say nothing. "You don't seem super surprised Stef said that, so it makes me think you may have felt something too. Last night when I came up here and when you first met Stef, you had memories didn't you?"
"No, I didn't." They look at me unconvinced and I can't help but keep lying. "I was intimidated. Stef was a police officer. I hate cops, they treat foster kids like criminals. I was frightened and trying to figure out if she was a threat." I can tell they still don't believe me.
Lena tries again. "What about the other day when you were so lost in thought? I had to come get you because Mariana said you couldn't hear her telling you it was time to come down for dinner."
"I… I… I was feeling nervous about my next foster home. I was so stressed out about the social worker coming and taking me somewhere unsafe and it was making me really lost in thought. I don't want to go into an abusive home. I was just so consumed by emotion and fear that I disassociated. Then you found me and I snapped out of it." I learned that at a group home I was in. About dissociation. I learned a lot about mental health, which I have been able to use to my advantage. They made us do group therapy every day. I was only 11. Everyone else was like 16. Luckily they let me leave and found me an actual foster home because everyone was so much older than me. I know Stef and Lena aren't buying what I am saying but I am grasping at straws at this point.
"Well, why did you hug me tightly and stare at me like you were trying to remember something?"
"I wasn't staring at you to remember anything. I was trying to get the courage to tell you what I was feeling. I got scared about thinking where I was going next and hugged you, I don't know why. I mean we have kind of connected. At least, I thought we did." I felt bad manipulating her and using our relationship to soften her up, or make her feel sorry for me but I don't know what else to do. I don't want them to know I had some visions. Stef looks at me sternly. I think she knows what I am doing. "I shouldn't have hugged you, clearly. I didn't even like it." My last sentence, I wasn't even convinced by the sound of my voice. Stef walks away from the door and over to Lena and I.
"Honey we could do a DNA test then-"
WHAT?! "NO WAY am I doing a DNA test." I am yelling at the top of my lungs at this point. "I am NOT staying here either. You are both literally mentally unwell. This is emotionally abusive. And what, I get a test and I am not your daughter, what then? I get thrown to the streets? I live here thinking I don't live up to some expectation. You are always looking at me feeling disappointed I am not your long lost child! Where is she anyways? Why did you abandon her? Clearly you are fucked up people and need help. Don't use me to satisfy your guilty conscience." I feel bad but I can't help it. If I am their kid, it means they didn't want me. Who cares if I hurt them. Whoever my parents are didn't want me. So if it isn't me, at least I can speak for their real daughter. The one they left.
"Honey, we aren't saying we would throw you to the streets, we-" I cut Stef off again, " I am not carrying the weight and burden of this. I am not carrying the weight or burden of the results, whether I am or am not your kid. I don't want this. You can't make me take a test."
Lena nods. "Alright, you are right. We can't. We will let you go. You can tell the social worker you don't want to stay. We would never abandon you. I care about you, Gabriella. You reminded me of my daughter but I didn't think it was possible during our first few interactions. All of those were me interacting with you, not thinking you were not her! But what if you are our daughter? What if it is true? If you think in your heart and soul there is 100% no chance we are your parents, then go freely. But if there is a tiny percent of you, no matter how small, that thinks it may be true, please, please, stay. We can figure it out together. We promise we won't make you take a DNA test until you want one." Stef looks at Lena, I can tell she is anxious at this thought. I see Lena give her a nod saying it's okay. I roll my eyes and scoff. I feel bad for how I have been treating them, but I am so angry I can't stop myself.
"Even if you were my parents, why would I want to stay with people who didn't want me?" I can't help the amount of venom in my voice.
"Gabriella, that is not true, we-" *Ding Dong*
"That's Jason." I walk downstairs to open the door for my social worker and don't say anything.
Stef's POV:
We are all sitting at the kitchen table. Jason, Gabriella's social worker, is on the end. Gabriella on one side, Lena and I on the other. I tried to sit next to Gabriella but she gave me a death glare and I was trying to not upset her right before she decided if she would stay with us or not. I wasn't going down without a fight. Even if she chose to leave, I would figure out a way to get her or find out if she was my daughter. I preferred to do this with her under our roof while building a relationship with her. It would definitely be easier and probably more peaceful and safe.
I even asked if she wanted coffee. I could tell she wanted some. Lena looked at me slightly annoyed. Normally I am not one to butter people up or avoid conflict, but I was so desperate to have her stay here I was doing every little thing I could.
"So Gabriella," Jason starts, "Stef and Lena would like to be your foster parents. How are you feeling about that?"
"Like I have a choice," she mumbled.
"Well, I mean if you are very uncomfortable we could try to find a new placement." Really? He is not helping. "What do you think?" He asks again.
It gets quiet. Gabriella is looking at her hands. I wish I knew what she was thinking. Lena is looking over at her nervously. I look at the clock. 9:44am.
"Gabriella?" Jason says. 9:47am. She said nothing for three minutes.
She looks up at me. She stares into my eyes intently. Then looks over at Lena. I can see her debating things. Her eyes start to water a little. She flickers back to me. I look at her with the most love and reassurance I can and give her a soft smile. She looks back to Jason and whispers so softly I can barely hear her.
"I'll stay." I let out a huge sigh of relief as she quietly gets up and walks up the stairs. I hear a door close and know she went into Mariana's room. I feel Lena grab my hand and squeeze it. Her hands are shaking. I know she is feeling emotional and so relieved.
Gabriella's POV:
This is probably a grave mistake, but I made the choice to stay anyway. I am pacing back and forth in Mariana's room, well our room I guess. I hope she doesn't care about this. Or the other kids. I have barely talked to them. I should probably talk to them. Ugh, this is becoming so complicated. I kind of want to tell Mariana what's happening. But I don't know if I can. She may tell her mom's everything. I am going to have to tell someone else. I need to talk about this. But who? I lay down on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. What am I getting myself into? Maybe we are all crazy.
I am pulled out of my thoughts with a knock on the door. I just wait, nothing. Oh, am I supposed to answer?
Another soft knock. "Come in." I say so quietly, kind of hoping they don't hear me. Lena and Stef poke their heads in.
"Hi sweetheart, we just wanted to make sure you were alright." It is hard to be mad at them when they are so kind.
"I'm fine." I don't look at them. Just keep looking down at my hands.
"Honey," Stef starts, "we just wanted you to know we are really glad you decided to stay."
I give her a tiny smile and make eye contact. At least I will get to sleep, eat and be warm here. I will also have a friend here with me, sharing a room.
"Thank you for letting me." Okay, this is getting too much. I don't want them to start thinking that I am going to trust them now.
"You are very welcome." Stef says smiling.
"We don't have to get into it now, but earlier when we were talking about our daughter, I just wanted you to know that we didn't give her up." My head snaps over to Lena. I am very intrigued. "It is true. She was kidnapped. We have looked for her so many times." Lena's voice cracks and water fills her eyes as I study her to see if she is lying or not. It seems authentic.
"I uh, I have searched every day that I am at work for any kind of description or age that could be here since she went missing. I have chased probably 200 potential leads. We haven't stopped looking. Not since it happened. I don't think we ever will." Stef's eyes water too, this seems surprising. She doesn't seem like the crying type.
"Oh." Is all I say. I believe them. I can see it on their faces. The loss. They wanted their child. But for some reason it makes me more nervous. At least if they gave me up I don't have to let my guard down. I can hate them forever. But now, I get overwhelmed. What if they are my parents and wanted me this entire time? I don't even know if I should be happy because I just start to feel panicked. Part of me needs answers. Part of me doesn't want them. I feel scared of the results either way.
"Should we go to school?" I say, trying to get out of the conversation. They pull themselves together and Lena nods. "Uhm, I am sorry about your daughter," I mumble going into the bathroom. I couldn't say nothing. I can tell it is so painful for them. What am I going to do? This just got more real. I feel like I should take a test. But what if I am not their daughter? I can't go through that pain. What if I am not and they don't like me anymore? What if I let myself start letting them in and think they are my parents, thinking I will be reunited and loved and wanted, but then I am not their kid? I can't go through that. Maybe we should just think it and not check. Is that better or worse? I have no idea. Secretly, I desperately want them to be my parents. For now, I go to school and try not to act like I am falling apart.
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