Chapter 11: RIP Eraserhead's Mental Health And Wellbeing

Summary:

Thanks so much for 200 kudos!!!

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Izuku felt terrible.

One, he was back here and that was…great. Two, how could he somehow feel as healthy as a horse and like death incarnate at the same time? Three, he was STILL tired! How is that fair after he was just dead and literally doing NOTHING? Rigged. And laSTLY, he was pissed. When he went under, he didn't see his mom, he kept on going through his memories and reliving some of the worst moments of his life. It sucked.

He saw a lot of Kacchan and each time he hated him more. But it wasn't all hate…one of the memories he kept on going back to was when they were both children and Izuku insisted on being his friend and following him around no matter how many times he pushed him down. Izuku couldn't take a hint apparently.

Those feelings of unwavering loyalty and admiration followed him throughout middle school and that was probably why…why he let them treat him like that. And don't even get him started on all of the verbal, mental, and emotional abuse he endured EVERY SINGLE DAY.

He was a child, a bright eyed and naïve child who saw the best in everyone and refused to acknowledge the bad. No matter what Kacchan put him through, he still stuck around. He somehow convinced himself that it was his fault that he was treated that was, but what could he have possibly done to be treated like that? And nobody did a thing.

Izuku couldn't see it back then, he was too nice, too forgiving…but that Izuku was gone.

They say that if you hear something enough you start to believe it even if you know it's not true. Well, now Izuku knew the truth, he could see it clearly. His bullies were wrong. And he wasn't going to let that fear run his life anymore.

He continued to cough and suck in air as his body went back to actively keeping him alive. It was annoying how it had to relearn how to work every time he died, but what can you do?

"Ugh, I hate this stupid freaking quirk!" He yelled in between coughs.

Once he was finally able to breath properly and didn't feel like he would pass out if he tried to stand, he pushed himself to his feet and froze.

Oh s*

Eraserhead and someone else were standing on the opposite of the table he had been on (in a morgue again, seriously!) staring at him like he was a ghost. Although, to them, he probably was.

"Heyyyy Eraser…"

The hero blinked and didn't make any attempt to close his mouth that was practically on the ground.

This was going to be such a pain… "You might want to close your mouth, you'll catch flies."

Eraser slowly obeyed and scrutinized every inch of Izuku. It was as if he couldn't believe what was right in front of him. "I…you-" He started but couldn't seem to gather his thoughts enough to form a coherent sentence, that was to be expected he supposed. "You were dead. I saw you die."

"You did? Sorry about that, I try to not be a burden on anyone, but sometimes it's inevitable and-"

"You died! I held your body and checked for a pulse. You hadn't taken a single breath in hours, hOW ARE YOU ALIVE?"

Izuku rubbed the back of his neck, "It's kinda a long story, but short version is that I can't die apparently."

The man standing beside Eraserhead hadn't said a thing so far, just gawked at Izuku and his conversation with Eraser, but something that he said must've jumpstarted his brain. "I'm sorry-apparently? You mean that this is a new thing for you, not dying?"

"Yeah…The first time didn't exactly work, and I thought that maybe it had been long enough but-"

"Wait." Eraser interrupted Izuku's rant, which was probably a good thing, they didn't need to know about all of that. "The last time didn't work…were you trying to kill yourself?"

Ah…maybe this wasn't the best idea. The more they talked, the worse it seemed to get, and the angrier Eraser got.

The three of them stood in silence for a few seconds as Izuku refused to meet either of the adult's scrutinizing eyes. It was Eraser who broke the tense silence, "Kid. Answer the question." His voice was low and dark. It wasn't hard to figure out that he was pissed, but about what? There were honestly so many possibilities Izuku just didn't even try to guess.

"Uh…no?"

"False." The other guy finally spoke up again. His face was difficult to read, but he was clearly confused and upset.

"Dude, what the heck?" Izuku couldn't believe the guy sold him out like that. Snitch.

"Oh my god-" Eraser turned away and began to pace back and forth rubbing his temples and mumbling to himself. "Is that why you were running across the roofs so recklessly? Because you were trying to kill yourself?"

Recklessly? Izuku didn't think he was being too reckless, but he was probably a bad judge considering his regard for his life was less than zero. "No? I was doing it because it's fun and I felt good while doing it." He paused, debating whether or not to tell them the complete truth or not. The other guy was like a bloodhound when it came to lies apparently so he should just say it before he went fishing. "And if I happened to slip and die then what's the harm?"

"Oh my-do you hear yourself? 'What's the harm' you could have been killed, or seriously injured and that's a pretty big deal." He stared at Izuku with unbelieving eyes, before something else flashed in them, "Wait-wait, is that why you didn't care the other night?"

"You're going to have to be more specific."

"The other night! When those guys held a gun against your head, you didn't even flinch. This is why, because you just don't care."

"Eh-" Eraser scoffed at Izuku's nonchalantness and went back to pacing as the other guy looked like he was trying to process everything they were saying and was losing.

"You see Tsuki? Do you see what a pain this problem child is?!"

The other man cleared his throat and looked at Izuku warily, as if not knowing what to do in this situation. "Umm, I'm not sure if you should use the words pain and problem to describe him Shouta. It seems rather harsh…"

"Oh bite me."

Eraser stayed on the other side of the room mumbling angrily to himself while the other man stepped towards Izuku, "I'm sorry about him, my name is Naomasa Tsukauchi, I'm a detective on the police force and an old friend of Eraserhead. You must be Serpentine." He extended his hand with a small smile, one that could make even the most skeptical person comfortable.

Izuku shook the detective's hand gingerly, a little bit uncomfortable with having someone with the police around. "That's what they call me."

"Well, it's very nice to meet you Serpentine. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions, just about tonight and what exactly happened?" There was that smile again, but Izuku knew better, the name Tsukauchi sounded familiar somehow, maybe someone in the hero industry that he came across once, but he couldn't remember what his quirk was. It put him on edge.

Izuku resorted to shrugging rather than answering out loud and pulled a metal stool to sit on while the detective made himself comfortable leaning against the autopsy table.

"Alright," He pulled out a small notebook from the pocket of his coat and flipped it open. "Don't worry, I'm just taking notes to make sure I remember everything, you don't need to worry about getting in trouble or anything." He must've seen how Izuku reacted to his actions.

"Oh, okay…"

"So, can you tell me what happened tonight, maybe a little bit earlier?"

This was going to be tricky. Should Izuku lie about doing vigilante work? Did it even really count as vigilante work? And did he even want to talk about what happened? Not really. But he didn't exactly have a choice. "Um, well I was getting in some exercise and-"

"You were roof hopping, weren't you?" Eraser interrupted from across the room and Izuku glared at him slightly.

"Anyway, so I was roof hopping and then I heard a disturbance and decided to check it out."

"Is this a frequent activity you do? Roof hopping, I mean."

"Over the past couple of months, I've been working on my speed and coordination." Kinda true, but not the whole truth.

The detective hummed as he wrote something in his notebook, "And what happened when you went to check out the disturbance?"

"Oh um, nothing really…"

Tsukauchi and Eraserhead looked at each other, thinking the same thing. Eraser had had to clean up after Serpentine and reported about four different takedowns of different criminals in the same area.

"Right, and have you done that before?"

"Done what?"

"Gotten involved in a fight or something of the sort?" The detective looked up at Izuku sharply as if to dare him to lie.

The boy rubbed the back of his neck and looked away, "Maybe a few times."

"Uh huh," More writing and Eraserhead decided to come and join the conversation, not taking his eyes off of Izuku who noticed just how different he was reacting to his stare. Just a week ago he would've crumbled at the thought of making him angry, but now he just couldn't find it in himself to care…interesting. "And what about tonight, tell us what exactly happened when you-ahem-jumped."

Izuku really didn't want to do this. He was already in a crappy mood and felt like he could sleep for the next century. So being questioned on his decision to kill himself didn't sound very pleasing at the moment, or ever. "You know, I had some down time and thought I might as well just…" Instead of finishing his sentence, the boy just made a face and left the rest for the two of them to figure out.

"So, it was just a spur of the moment decision?"

"Not really," Well, guess there was no avoiding this. "I had decided earlier that I was going to, I just didn't know exactly when."

"That's a very big decision, do you think it was the right one?" The detective looked at him with sad eyes, while Eraser just continued to stare and analyze his words and expressions.

Again, Izuku shrugged which resulted in Eraserhead scoffing and getting elbowed in the ribs by Tsukauchi. "I mean sure, the first time was a big deal, but I kinda figured it wouldn't work again. I was just testing it really."

"Testing…if you could die?"

"Yes."

"Hold on," Eraser spoke up not looking happy, but to be fair he never really did, "You keep on saying last time, so this wasn't your first attempt?"

Izuku shook his head, feeling uncomfortable with the expression the hero now wore, it was one he hadn't seen yet on him, but was all too familiar with.

"Kid-"

"Don't." Izuku got off of the stool and began to walk towards the door, "I really need to be getting home and I'd rather not have this conversation with you guys. So Eraser, I'll see you later and detective…" Honestly, he hoped that he would never see him again, but he couldn't just say that, so he simply nodded to him and left, leaving the two of them speechless for the second time that night.

"What have we gotten ourselves into Tsuki?"

"I blame you."

"Oh whatever," Eraser rolled his eyes and shoved his friend who began laughing despite the somber mood.

Just like the kid had said, Eraser did see him soon after that night. He didn't see him the day after, but he couldn't really fault him, dying had to be traumatic, not to mention it being an attempted suicide.

The thought of the kid who was always so bright-eyed feeling like that was the only option made Shouta nauseous. He had been there, he had dwelt with those thoughts and feelings, especially after that happened, but he had people to help pull him out of that place, from what he got from the kid, he didn't have that.

So Shouta would just have to be that until he did.

Seeing the kid's fluffy hair fly in the wind as he jumped from building to building felt like a breath of fresh air. Finding the kid dead like that…it had hurt. And Shouta didn't want to find him like that ever again.

When he finally caught up and the two of them started talking and joking like before, something felt off. Serpentine wasn't stuttering or getting flustered by Eraser's presence, which was a good thing, but it makes him wonder why the sudden change?

It was as if his whole attitude changed. He seemed more confident, not as afraid or insecure. He would sass Eraser and joke around and wouldn't flinch at his glare or immediately apologize for being a burden or annoying. All things that needed to be fixed, but why was it so different now?

Shouta wanted to ask with every fiber of his being, but he knew if he did the kid would just run away and he didn't want to lose him again. Not even for a second.

Oh god-

I really am a dad aren't I…

Notes:

Welp...it's about time that Izuku realized all of the absolutely not okay crap he went through. And he got to meet Tsuki while Eraser just grumbled in the corner about how stupid his son is!!!

I'm really excited about next chapter, so be ready for that. And also, thanks so much guys for all of the support and advice in terms of my health, I really appreciate it!

I hope you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a comment to let me know your thoughts on it and the story so far!

Thanks for reading