Stef's POV:
Shit. Gabriella ran out the door. Again. I was so hurt by her yelling that she hated us, that it took me a few minutes to snap out of it. Lena had already run downstairs. How many times are we going to go through this? We gotta get this girl to stay put.
I get to the steps and am about to head out the front door when I hear Lena, "Stef."
I stop and turn around and head to the kitchen. Lena is at the sink staring outside. I look and Gabriella is sitting by the back gate. Her legs are up to her chest. She is rocking back and forth, trying to soothe herself. The sight breaks me.
"We need to go tell her everything." Lena whispers. "We need to start there and earn her trust."
"Yes, I think you are correct. She deserves it. Let's go." We grab hands and walk outside. We sit next to her. I can't help but sit in front of the gate in case she gets any ideas. I just lean against it pretending I am using it for that.
"Thank you for not running," I say softly. She just looks at me and shrugs. "This is progress love." She attempts to give me a smile but she seems so anxious it comes out as a grimace. She is so uncomfortable. You can tell by the way she is rocking. She is moving so fast it can't be soothing. We are all quiet for a few minutes.
"I carried you." I hear Lena softly say. I look over and she has a tear rolling down her cheek. Gabriella stops rocking and turns her full attention towards Lena. Lena looks at me and I nod, telling her to continue.
"I carried you and it was one of the best times of my life. I loved having you inside me. Providing for my child." I can't help but look at Gabriella whose eyes are watering. "Stef is also your biological mom." She looks at me quickly and seems confused. "We were looking for sperm donors when we came across this scientific trial where they were trying to reconstruct female DNA and make male sex cells out of it, or take male DNA and create female cells out of it so that gay and lesbian couples could have children together with both of their DNA. Well, we tried it and it worked. I got pregnant. With you. I still remember the day I found out I was pregnant. It was one of the best days of my life." Gabriella let's a tear fall. I move to comfort her but she just shakes her head at me. I stop my movements and lean back, giving her the space she needs. I wish she would let me comfort her but I think she needs to try and get through this before breaking down. Lena continues.
"You lived a great childhood. You were so smart for your age, independent and bubbly. You were very snuggly too. We ate it up. Cuddling you was my favorite activity." Lena had to pause to collect herself. She wipes a few tears. I do too. "We loved you, still do, so much. For real. A mother's love never stops. It doesn't stop just because we were separated. We have looked and looked for you. You were our favorite part of life. You and Brandon. You still are. All our kids are." Lena looks at me. I take a deep breath.
"One day," I start, "September 30th, we woke up and we couldn't find you. I went to get you up for school. I thought maybe you were playing so I went to the play room and you weren't there. I searched the entire house until I realized you were gone. We panicked, looking everywhere. You were not in the house. We called the police, and called everyone we knew, hoping that someone would know something. Your room became a crime scene. We noticed some of your things were missing, almost like a bag was packed. So someone came in, took you and took some of your things. It was so bizarre. We searched Gabriella, oh did we search. I am so, so, so sorry we failed you. We even had an alarm system at our house. Someone got through it without setting it off. The doors were locked. I check them every night. We lived in an extremely safe neighborhood. Honey, we are so incredibly and deeply sorry you were taken. That we didn't save you. That we didn't find you until now. We always wanted you. We never stopped loving you. We never stopped looking for you. Losing you was the hardest thing that has ever happened to us. I have never been the same since. I have always felt like a piece of me was missing. I did until yesterday that is." She looks up at me. She was looking at the ground. When we started talking about her getting taken she stopped looking at us.
"Yesterday when you had the memory of me looking for you in the store. When you were playing hide and seek. You told me the memory exactly right. You even knew what I said on the bench. I knew then, you were my daughter. I was pretty positive before then, but that memory solidified it for me. I finally felt like I had the missing piece back. I finally felt like I could breathe. Like my heart was complete again. I know this isn't just about us, but Gabriella. Your Mama and I, we love you. We love you more than anything in this world and all we want is to love you and take care of you. Again, we are so sorry for all that you went through and for getting taken. I am sorry I let it happen. I would have done anything in my power to prevent it. I would have fought until death to prevent it from happening. I love you more than life itself. So does Lena." I pause and wipe some more tears.
"Which is why we are going to tell you something that may be hard." I look at Lena and give her another nod.
"Your birthday is not September 30th, it is August 17th. You just turned 13 last month. I know you thought you were turning 14, but you are not. I am sorry honey, I know that must be upsetting. We don't want to hide anything from you."
I watch Gabriella closely trying to see how she is going to react. She is staring at the ground again. She looks at me and then Lena. Then back to the ground.
"I forgive you both," she whispers and then starts weeping. We both can't help it and wrap her in our arms in a Mama sandwich, hugging her as tight as we can.
Gabriella's POV:
I can't stop crying, but I decided to forgive them. I can't be angry. I need them. I need my parents. I want them. I do. I have been alone and hurting so much. I keep crying. I swear it's like healing my anger, weeping as they hold me. I know it's not their fault. I can't blame them. It hurts me and hurts them. I am sure I will still have my moments of anger, pain and hurt, but I am not going to fight them anymore.
I calm down eventually and they stay holding me.
"How are you doing?" Lena asks.
"I'm overwhelmed, but okay. I know it's not your fault I got kidnapped. I am tired of being angry at you guys. I spent my entire life hating my biological parents for abandoning me. It has made me bitter. I can't carry this anger around. You also didn't choose to leave me. The memories I have had gave me a tiny glimpse and proves that you really did love me."
"Really DO love you," Stef said. "Sweets, our saying on the stairs doesn't mean that DNA means nothing. DNA means something for sure. It's not all or nothing. That saying though, it's about love. It is about family. We don't just love you because of your DNA, we love you for so many reasons. We love you because we are your moms, that doesn't go away. You are still so similar in some ways, it is beautiful to see. But I can't wait to learn new things about you as well. We already are learning new things. You love soccer and art. You loved to paint and draw when you were little. I love to see that hasn't changed. You were always better at sports than Brandon." She chuckles. I look away feeling embarrassed but also feeling bad for yelling at them.
"I am sorry I said I hate you, I don't."
"That's a relief," Lena says, we all can't help but laugh.
"Is my real name Gabriella Elizabeth? What is my last name?" They look at me.
"No honey, your birth given name is Ella Grace AdamsFoster." Lena says.
"Oh."
"How does that make you feel?" Stef asks.
"I don't know." I look away. I liked sharing a middle name with Lena, it made me feel connected to her.
"I think you have an opinion on this sweets, you don't have to go by Ella you know. If you want to go by Gabriella that's your right, we are not going to take that away from you. What do you think?" Stef says.
"The name Gabriella is just a constant reminder of the life I lost and all the pain and trauma I have been through." I look at them and they look curious. I ignore it and continue. "I would be willing to go by Ella if I really am your daughter. But I like having the same middle name as Lena. I'll take your last name" I say blushing. I realize that is the first time I have said Lena's name out loud. Feels weird.
I peek a quick look over to Lena and she is looking at me lovingly. I look away, embarrassed I admitted that outloud.
"We would love that," Lena says as another tear rolls down her face.
"What are you going to tell everyone? What if I am not your daughter on a DNA test?" I start to feel slightly panicked. I think they can tell. I start to move a little away from them.
"Sweets, you are our daughter. I am positive. But don't clam up on us, please. I know it's scary. We can do it tomorrow and get it out of the way okay?"
"What if I am not your daughter? All of this will be for nothing. You won't want me anymore." I stand up and feel myself start to hyperventilate. Shit, not a panic attack. Not now.
"Honey, take a deep breath. We are positive it is you." Lena says, moving closer.
"But what if the test says I am not! Then I will be alone again. Then I won't know who my parents are. All of this will be for nothing and I won't matter anymore." I am full blown having a panic attack. I can't really hear what Stef and Lena are saying. I feel someone wrap me in their arms as someone in front of me is instructing me to breathe. I can't really hear them or see them as my vision is getting blurry. My hand is placed on a chest and I can feel them breathing. This helps me and things start getting a little more clear as I shakily attempt to take deep breaths. I can see that Lena is the one in front of me whose breathing I can feel. My knees start to get a little weak and I am lowered to the ground. Wait, not ground, a lap. I am on Stef's lap. Again. Oh my. I start feeling embarrassed and I wonder if my cheeks are red. I try to move off but am too distracted. I succumb to it and focus on breathing.
"Sweets, can you hear me?" Oh, my hearing must be back.
"Yeah." My voice is all raspy. I clear my throat.
"Let me go get you some water," Lena says, rushing to the kitchen. It's quiet other than my deep breaths and the sound of Stef rubbing my arm up and down as I am in her lap. Lena returns and I drink the entire glass. I feel better.
"I am sorry," I say, getting red again.
"Sweetheart it is fine," Lena says. "You have been through so much and now you are trying to figure it all out. You have gone through a lot. We are in this together." I just nod.
"Uhm, can I go find Mariana?" I ask hopefully, I need a break from some mom love right now. It gets overwhelming.
"Yes," I hear Stef say as she helps me stand up.
"Thanks," I mutter and walk away.
Lena's POV:
Stef and I move closer to the house. She stops before going inside and turns to me.
"Well, that was progress, right?" Stef asks.
"It was, I know she is scared and afraid to be left again. It rips my heart right out. I feel like such a terrible mother. Our child is so traumatized, but it just makes me want to show her even more, we are here and not leaving her."
"I agree, love."
"Let's go get everyone settled in for the night," I suggest as it has been a long day.
We get everyone tucked in their rooms for the night. Gabriella even let us hug her and said goodnight to us. It made my heart soar doing a regular mother and daughter thing with her. Stef and I don't have much energy so we chat a little but fall asleep quickly.
I wake up needing to go to the bathroom. I can't help but look at my clock and it is 2:46am. Ugh, I hate waking up in the middle of the night to pee. I go to get out of bed and notice a lump of what seems to be blankets right next to the bed on the floor. Weird. I don't remember anything being there. Before I get off the bed I see what is there with the light from my phone. I shine my flashlight down and Gabriella's big eyes are looking up at me. She was laying down next to my bed with a pillow and a blanket.
"Sweetheart, are you okay? What are you doing?" I ask, whispering while crouching down next to her. All feelings of having to pee are forgotten. I leave my flashlight pointed in a different direction so I can still see her but it isn't too bright. She sits up.
"I'm sorry, I was just going to leave before you guys got up, I didn't think about anyone waking up before the alarm. Clearly, that was a mistake." I can tell she is embarrassed for getting caught.
"Are you okay?" I try. "I don't mind you being in here, but can you tell me why you are?"
"It's embarrassing."
"Try me, it's okay." I say kindly.
"I just… I just kept getting nightmares of being taken and got scared. I didn't want to wake anyone up so I came in here and tried to sleep on the floor." My heart clenches. I swallow the lump in my throat.
"Oh honey," I can't help but wrap her up in my arms. She comes willingly, thank god. "I am so sorry, that must be scary."
"I think you and Stef telling me about what happened triggered something in my brain." She whispers. I am not sure what to say and I know now is not the time to ask questions, so I just squeeze her tighter.
"Why don't you hop in bed with Stef. I need to run to the bathroom." I try, not sure if she will do it.
"Oh, no, I am okay. I can stay here, or go back to my room." I smile when she says my room. I can't help it.
"Honey, please, it is no problem. Let me get Stef."
"No need to get Stef, Stef is awake," I hear her say as she moves over to the edge of the bed and looks down at us. I figured she was awake, she is a light sleeper. I know she was probably just listening. "Baby, come lay with me, it's okay."
"No, I am fine."
"Listen love, do you want to lay with me?" Stef tries.
"No," she says looking away. I can tell she is lying.
"Let me try again," Stef starts, "Do you WANT to lay with me, yet you are conflicted by the voices and feelings in your head that say, "don't get too close" but in reality your heart desires to be close to us?" I smile at Stef's tactic.
"Yes," she whispers. We both smile.
"Come on baby." Stef opens her arms and Gabriella slowly gets on the bed. Stef wraps her up like she is a blanket and moves them over so I will have room to get in. Gabriella rests her head on Stef's chest and wraps her arms around her. The sight makes me feel so grateful to be having these moments with our long lost daughter. I hurry and use the bathroom so I can come back and join them.
Gabriella's POV:
I am trying to fall asleep but I can't believe I am in bed with them. I still have this huge fear that the DNA test will be negative. Then what? I know I need this test to feel semi comfortable at trying to let my walls down. If I am not their kid, I will run away as far as possible. I will leave California. If I am their kid, I will stay and try to work through it with them. I still can't believe I am laying on Stef's chest. Her arms are wrapped around my tightly, with Lena's wrapped around me from behind. We are one big mass of limbs, hair and bodies. I love it though, I would never admit it. I guess being snuggly as a kid has never changed for me.
"Sweetheart, I can feel you thinking, it's okay you are laying here with us, relax your mind, love. We are happy to have you here in our arms." Lena's voice startled me at first. I jumped and Stef pulled me closer. Well, not closer, just pulled at me because I am already fully pressed up against her.
"Lena is right, baby. We are so happy you are here. Just relax and sleep, we have you." I try to focus on what they say. I look up at Stef, it is an awkward angle but she smiles down at me. I turn my face into her chest, close my eyes and focus on her heartbeat. I finally drift off to sleep.
I wake up to someone saying my name softly. "Not yet," I mumble. "Sweets, wake up." It's Stef. "Soon." I hear Stef chuckle. "Baby, come on you gotta get up." I groan. I open my eyes and Stef is looking down at me, fully dressed. What time is it? I look at the clock, 8:00am. Shoot! I rush out of bed and get out, forgetting about my leg. I can't catch myself from clutching it in pain.
"Oh sweets, are you okay? You must have forgotten about your leg, huh?" Shit, I can't believe I forgot. I am supposed to be acting like I am not in pain.
"Oh, it's fine. It wasn't the wound itself, just the tape pulled on my leg." I stutter.
"Sweets, we have to work on lying. The tape I chose is literally pull resistant. It is designed not to pull your skin." I feel myself getting red. "You have lied to us a lot since you have been here. Now, I know you have been scared and have been working through a lot, but we need to work on that, yes?" I just nod, embarrassed at being caught.
"I am late for school," I say, trying to change the subject.
"We have a doctor's appointment for a DNA test first thing, then school. We need to leave in forty minutes, Lena is just finishing in the shower." I think she can tell the thought of a DNA test makes me nervous because she just looks at me and says, "I know you are nervous love, but everything is going to be okay. Listen to me." She gets closer and puts her hands on my upper arms. "I am 100% sure that you are my daughter. If for some crazy reason that is not true, you are staying here with Lena and I, we will take care of you and you will become our daughter, do you understand?" I don't even know what to say so I just shrug. She is about to say something else but Lena walks out of the bathroom. I use that as a distraction to say good morning and then go get dressed.
I go downstairs to get breakfast and we are all eating in silence, lost in thought. I finish quickly. "I need to go to the bathroom, I will be right back." I say to them, getting up. I walk casually and go into the bathroom, shutting it. I immediately go back out through mine and Mariana's room and as quietly as I can I sneak over to Stef and Lena's bathroom. I start rummaging through drawers and cabinets looking for pain meds. I can't find anything. Crap. Then I open the cabinet under the sink and see a safe. Shoot. I forgot the good foster parents actually lock up their meds. I stare at it as if I will figure out the code the longer I look. Then it dawns on me. I remember them telling me that my birthday was August 17, 2010. Would that be it? Would they really care enough to make my birthday the code? I can't help but try it. I cringe as it squeaks a little bit as I turn the dial. Hopefully they can't hear that. I turn the handle and use the numbers in 08 -17-10. I take a deep breath and pull the lever. It opens. Yes! I look through it and see mostly prescriptions for people. I feel a little bad that I am being so invasive. I finally spot a bottle of advil. I pour a bunch in my hand and put it in my pocket. I then see a small bottle at the back of the safe. My curiosity gets the best of me and I grab it. It is a prescription bottle for Stef. Codeine. Codeine? I remember one of my foster parents getting this for pain after surgery. Why would Stef have this. Is she okay? It is a pain medication. I take a few out of there and slip it into my pocket as well. I will only use it if it gets bad.
I went downstairs after having hid the pills in my backpack and Stef and Lena had just finished putting their dishes away. I just have my school bag. I am still getting used to leaving my other bag here. I still have a change of clothes in my other bag. I need to find a time to go get a couple of things in my abandoned house still, but it is going to be hard. They are always watching me. We get in the car and drive to the doctors.
Stef's POV:
The doctor's appointment went fine. We had the doctor check her nutrition levels, she is very malnourished and the doctor gave us an eating plan. She needs to gain at least 30 pounds, hopefully more. Gabriella looked extremely uncomfortable. Her leg will heal just fine, we just have to keep cleaning the wound so it doesn't get infected. It takes 3-5 days to get the DNA test results, but the doctor told us to check our online portal as early as tomorrow because we are her first patients for the day and sometimes you can get results early if they are not backed up. Here's hoping. I could tell Gabriella is extremely anxious around doctors. I felt bad for her but we needed to get her checked out and get this done. Now I am sitting at my desk at work trying to concentrate while Lena takes her back to school.
I go online and add a phone line for Gabriella on our AT&T account. I want to be able to contact her. She let me take her phone, surprisingly. The mom and cop in me wants to snoop. I feel a little guilty but I check her messages and contacts. The only messages she has are from Mariana. She doesn't even have anyone kept in her contacts. I am so curious how she got an iPhone? The thought that she steals it crosses my mind. I wonder how many laws she has broken to survive? I try not to think about. Even though I don't blame her. She is a child, the system failed her. Now I know why she didn't care if I looked at it. There is nothing to look at. It makes me sad she had no one in her life when she wasn't with us. Thank god she is with us now.
My work day went by pretty smoothly. I had to run into AT&T to get a SIM card. I am walking out of the store with Gabriella's phone all set up on our family plan, as my phone lights up and Lena's name is on my screen. It is about 4:45pm. I answer it.
"Hey love, what's up?" I ask cheerfully.
"Hey babe, are you coming home soon?"
"Uh oh, yes I am headed there now, everything okay?"
"Well, I got into a heated discussion with Gabriella over her going to soccer practice today and playing in her soccer game tomorrow and she refuses to speak to me. Telling me she is going to play regardless of what I say. She also said if I go to the coach, which I did tell her I would do to let her know about her leg, that she would leave. I told her she can't just leave whenever she gets upset. I was calm the entire time but she went to soccer practice and played anyway. Even after I told her not too. I didn't make a scene in front of her team or coach. She looked like she wasn't even in pain because I sat there for a while watching, but it can't be good for her leg. Now she won't even acknowledge me. Normally I would be fine handling this, but all of my guilt and confusion of her being our daughter is giving me doubt on my abilities."
"I understand my love, I will be home soon and we will deal with it together."
"Thanks Stef, love you."
Gabriella's POV:
I am sitting on my bed. I am acting very immature, but I don't care. I am ignoring Lena completely, I know it is rude, but again, I don't care. Well, that's not true. I do care. I even feel bad but I am trying to convince myself I don't so I stubbornly stay in this head space. I am playing in my game and that is final. I am a little scared for Stef to come home. It will be harder to be rude to two of them at once. I took half a codeine early into practice because the advil barely did anything while we were warming up. It helped so much. It was like my leg got numb and I barely felt it. I was able to play fine. The wound is red from rubbing against my shin guard and socks, but I took a quick shower when I got back and rewrapped it. It still doesn't hurt. This medication works great. I may need more.
There is a knock on my door and I can't help but roll my eyes. I don't say anything. I wish Mariana was here, she went somewhere with the dance team. Those girls are so stupid and mean. My door opens and Stef and Lena walk in. I roll my eyes again.
"I would be careful with the attitude you are giving, you are already in trouble for how you treated Lena." Stef says. I just glare at her. Fine, won't talk to her too.
"I will tell you Gabriella, if you ignore us, you won't play soccer for the entire season." Stef says sternly.
"You can't do that!" I say.
"We can," Lena starts, "and we will. I understand you aren't used to dealing with parents who actually have rules, structure and follow through on their word. However, here, that is how it works. We are going to help you learn this as I know it is new for you, but it doesn't give you a right to just do whatever you want or treat us poorly. We talk about things. We discuss them together. We will take your opinion into consideration, but at the end of the day it will be mine and Stef's decision. That is how parenting works. You just turned thirteen-"
"Thanks for rubbing that in my face," I mumble.
"Don't cut me off Gabriella, it is disrespectful. I am sorry that hurt you, I would never rub it in your face. I was trying to help you understand that you are still so young and haven't been given the things you need to make healthy choices and heave healthy boundaries. Sometimes Stef and I know what is best and need to make a decision. Like soccer, you are injured and should not play." I start fuming. I have to decide how to handle this. I decide to try and be nice now.
"Lena, I am sorry how I treated you. I know it wasn't nice. I was just so mad. You are right though, no one ever tells me what to do so when you did I just lost it and got so mad at you." I pause, even though I am trying to be nice so she lets me play, I am actually serious about what I said. "I know it seems like I am just saying that, but I actually am sorry. I have been feeling guilty about it. I don't like treating you that way." I look her in the eye and she looks back, I can tell she is looking for authenticity. I think she sees it cause a tiny smile graces her lips and she nods. "I will literally do anything to play in this soccer game tomorrow. I won't have a social life for the entire school year. Just please, please let me play. I am a 13 year old starting freshman on varsity and it is the first game of the season. It is a huge deal. My leg didn't even hurt when I was at practice today. PLEASE. Ground me for eternity, I will never do anything fun again, but please let me play in the game. I promise if it gets too hard or painful I will stop." I look at them with huge pleading eyes. I have never begged an adult for anything, but I feel like I don't have a choice. Lena being the vice principal could literally forbid me from playing. The coach would have to listen.
Stef and Lena look at each other. "If it hurts, you have to promise to stop playing?" Stef asks sternly.
"I promise!" I say looking so excited. Stef chuckles. I feel bad for being deceitful. I am taking meds to help it not hurt, but they don't need to know that.
"You also must rest this weekend. Nothing too exciting. Promise?" Lena adds.
"I promise! THANK YOU!" I get up and hug them tightly. I go back and sit down.
"You are grounded though," Stef says. "You can't just treat us that way and then get what you want. One week. School, soccer and home. That's it." That isn't even bad. I haven't made friends yet. I just nod.
"I understand. I actually am truly sorry Lena. You too Stef. Since I have been here I haven't been the best. I get so confused and mad sometimes, I feel crazy. It's embarrassing but I feel like I have no control over my emotions, thoughts or words. Sometimes I want you to be my parents. Other times I feel so mad or hurt and I just say mean things, run away, or push you away and don't even realize I am doing it. I didn't even realize how rude I was being until I was ignoring you Lena and then I felt immature and ridiculous. It's like my thoughts aren't rational for a while. Finally they clear up a little and I realize how crazy I am being. It drives me nuts. I don't know how to fix it. These aren't excuses, like this is really happening." I look up slightly embarrassed for telling them all that. "It's embarrassing just to tell you even, but I don't want you to think I am just some ungrateful horrible person. I don't know what's wrong with me."
"Sweetheart," Lena starts walking over to me from Mariana's bed. "We understand. We have to discipline you because if we don't then we are just letting you behave that way without any accountability, but we aren't mad at you. We know this adjustment is going to be very hard. As for some of your thoughts and feelings, they make a lot of sense to me. I do think it may be good for you to talk to a therapist. Have you done that before?" I just shake my head.
"No I haven't, but I don't really like talking about my feelings."
"I get that. I don't either sweets," Stef says. I think I look surprised because she chuckles. "I do it with my wife and kids because I love you guys and I want to be vulnerable and connect, but overall, not my favorite thing to do. However, anytime I have gone through some really hard things, I have tried talking to a therapist and as much as I hate to admit it, it has helped me. I am not the best at receiving help either so it was a challenge. However, your Mama loves it and it has helped her too. We could even go together sometimes. We would be as involved as you need and want us to be. But it may be a good thing for you to have somewhere to talk about everything, without feeling like you have to spare our feelings. I know you do that." She smiles at me softly. I can't help but notice she said "mama", did I start that?
"How did you know?"
"Well, you are my daughter one. You have been very compassionate since you were born, also I can tell when you feel bad. I see it on your face and hear it in your voice. I am trained to notice these things." She winks. I shiver, cops are stressful.
"What do you think honey, would you try?" I look at Lena who asked.
"I guess." They smile. Well, maybe it won't hurt?
Than you to everyone who has been giving me feedback! I love it and appreciate it.