Ella's POV:
I am overwhelmed. I feel broken. Shouldn't I be happy? Excited? Relieved? I don't feel any of those things. I feel numb and shut down, but I don't want to disappoint them. We hugged and had a mini reunion. I was excited. I didn't cry, which I feel bad about. I guess I have cried so much the last few days, I am all dried up. I am in bed just staring at the ceiling, it is about 3:00pm. I told Stef and Lena I was going to take a nap. I am very tired. The day was a blur. It has only been a week since the Adamsfosters came into my life. Which is actually insane to think about. Now I am reunited with my parents and the closest friend I have ever had is my sister. We are telling everyone tonight that I am actually their long lost sibling. I am so nervous. I told Stef and Lena that I don't want to be there. What if they get angry?
Tomorrow is Sunday. I am nervous about my loss of freedom. I have always just done whatever I want. How do I just all of a sudden follow their rules and structure? Also, I get so mad at them for what happened to me and missing everything in my life I feel like I shouldn't have to listen. They weren't there for me when they should have been. I feel myself getting angry again and am feeling kind of rebellious. I probably should go to therapy honestly. I think about all the stuff I need to get from my abandoned house. Maybe I will make one last trip there. I quietly sneak into Stef and Lena's bathroom and take the entire codeine bottle out of the safe. I know I should be smarter and not take the entire bottle considering they could notice, but it was left in the back of the safe, maybe they won't. I like the way the pills make me feel. They take the edge off, physically and emotionally. I empty my school bag onto my bed, put it on my back with a few essentials, just in case something happens, and open the window. There is a flat roof under my window and a tree with a few branches. I bet I can climb down it. I put my phone in my back pocket, luckily I was charging it and the battery is full. I throw my bag on the roof and climb out the window, shutting it behind me.
Stef's POV:
We left Ella in her room for a few hours. I know she is struggling, I just wish she would talk to us. I know she will in time, but she seems to have shut down. Like it was all too much her body just went numb. My poor baby. I just want to love her through it. It's 5:30pm and I have resisted the urge to go see her many times now. I am going to at least check on her. I walk up to the girls room and knock on the door. Nothing. I try again, nothing. I open the door slowly and it is empty. Ella's bed is covered in all her school stuff. Weird. I start feeling slightly panicked. Why would she do that? Did she run away? My heart sinks at the idea. Seriously, how many of my children are going to run away? Clearly, we are failing as parents. I let these thoughts go as I open her closet and see that her clothes are still inside as well as her sacred bag she keeps packed. She finally unpacked a few outfits this morning. Lena bought her a few new ones just to hold her over until we could take her ourselves. So she left things, that is a good sign right?
I frantically search the entire house and yard before I realize she is gone. Where is she? I stop to think of where she could be and then realize I put the "find my iphone" app on her phone. I open it up and she pops up. San Ysidro. I have deja vu all over again. Why, why must all my children be reckless? They probably get it from me, but I am going to choose to ignore that fact.
"Lena," I say walking into the kitchen. "She is in San Ysidro at some house. I don't know what she is doing or who she is with, but I am going to go get her."
"I want to come." Lena states firmly.
"Honey, it could be dangerous, you-"
"No Stef, I am coming. I won't miss this connection. We both need to see what she is going through. Call for support from the force. You guys can check it all out and then I will help after it is safe. It's not up for discussion. I am coming." Well, guess she is coming. She walks away to get ready to leave. Is it weird her being so authoritative is slightly turning me on? I have issues, our daughter is AWOL.
We get in the car and drive. I pull up to this old house with boarded windows. It says vacant. Is she in there? I walk up to the front door once the other officers get out of their vehicles. "POLICE, OPEN UP."
Ella's POV:
I recognize Stef's voice instantly. Shit, what do I do? I don't want her to find out I lived here for three months. I decide to try and sneak out the boarded window. I quickly shove everything into my backpack. I hear the front door being broken down and start panicking. I go to slide out the window and right as I am about to go through it a hand wraps around my waist and I am being pulled back.
"Not again, baby." I hear Stef's soft voice. I just move out of her grasp and stare at her. Three police officers walk in the room.
"It's clear Officer Foster. No sign of anyone else." Stef looks around the room and nods.
"Thank you guys, I think we are all set here. I appreciate you coming, just in case." She waves them goodbye.
"Ella honey," I look at her. She called me Ella. I did tell them I wanted to go by that name if I am their daughter. I think I still do. "What is this place?" I shrug.
"No baby, words." Lena says walking in. I look up, shocked to see her.
"How did you guys find me?" I ask. I can't tell if I am upset or feel loved that they came for me. A little of both probably.
"You're phone. It has the "lost my iphone" app on it." Stef says, looking me in the eye.
"You keep tabs on me?" I can't keep the attitude out of my voice. This is the stuff that I have a hard time with.
"Yes love, to an extent. It is mostly to help if you lose your phone, but in these situations it is beneficial as well. No, you may not turn it off, before you ask or think that." I roll my eyes. "You also need to work on the eye rolling, you do that to me way too much. I will let it go for now. I know you are annoyed I tracked you honey, but what is going on? Why did you leave? What is this place?"
"I don't know." I shrug.
"You don't know?" Lena starts, "How do you not know if you are here?" I just shrug. I know it is annoying them, but I am trying to put off the truth as long as possible.
"Baby," Stef says, "is this an old foster home? Whose bed is that? Have you stayed here before?" Another shrug. I hear Stef sigh frustratingly. Lena must have heard it too because she steps in.
"Sweetheart, we aren't mad. We were just worried. We are curious what this place means to you and we want to understand what is going on."
I sigh, "fine, this is where I have been living before I came to you." I say. I plop on the dirty mattress that used to be my bed. Dust definitely goes in the air when I do that.
"What?" Stef says shocked.
"Yeah," I sigh, "I lived in this abandoned house for three months. I ran away from my foster family. I am not even sure if they knew. It was horrible staying here alone to be honest. It was scary and cold. I wanted to die, I didn't know what the point was, but I kept trying to fight for something more." My eyes start watering. "I guess I did it to myself though. I ran away." I can't believe I am telling them all this. It kind of feels good to be honest about this though.
"Oh sweetheart," Lena says sitting next to me. She coughs at the dust and I can't help but chuckle. She looks at me and I know she can't tell if she should laugh.
"You may not want to sit on here Lena, there are probably tons of diseases." I chuckle. She just smirks at me.
"You are fine, aren't you?" She says pulling me into her. I can't help but melt against her body. "That's debatable," I say. Stef comes over and sits in front of us on the floor, crossing her legs.
"I am sorry you lived alone here sweets, that must have been terrible." I shrug. "You didn't do this to yourself. I am sure you were scared and felt like you didn't have a choice. I am sure you felt like you were picking the lesser of two evils, but it still had to have been awful." I just nod.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Lena says.
"I was afraid. Stef is a cop and I ran away. I don't know. I had kept it hidden for three months. I had to keep you guys away from it because I didn't know what you would do when you found out. I didn't know if you would turn me in. My friend who was also in foster care ran away after her foster father molested her and got sent to juvie. She tried to tell her social worker but she was dismissed. I thought this was my only choice. My foster parents were so intoxicated all the time that they didn't even notice. Most of my stuff was still there, until you brought it to me. I got rid of all of it btw. It smelled like cigarettes. I just have horrible memories from all of it too, sorry."
"It's okay baby, we understand. Honey, how did Principal Sanchez meet your foster parents if you ran away?" Lena asks curiously.
"Well, I had saved up a few hundred dollars. I walked dogs around the neighborhood all summer. That was the money I was supposed to use to buy food. Well, I told them that if they got it together to attend one meeting for me, the money was theirs. They had to make me look good and act like faithful parents. Somehow they pulled it together. They were a tiny bit tipsy but I don't think Sanchez noticed. Thankfully. After the meeting we walked into the parking lot and I gave them the money. They didn't say anything to me. They just took it and walked away. It was crazy."
Lena is rubbing my back as my body is basically deadweight against her.
"Why did you come back here?" Stef asks. I shrug. Stef gives me a look and I smirk a little, which makes her give me a more intense look and then I burst out laughing. She smiles really wide and chuckles slightly. "You are going to be a handful, aren't you?"
"Probably, but I don't think it's all my fault." I say sadly, referring to all the trauma in my life.
"We love you just the way you are baby, we are here for you and are never leaving. We never have to be separated again." Stef looks deeply into my eyes when she says this. I nod. "You can't run away from us though. Were you running away?"
"I don't know honestly. I don't think so." I say softly.
"You don't think so?" Lena questions. "Can you explain that sweetheart?"
"Well, I wasn't sure when I would come back. I probably would have come back tonight, I was just overwhelmed and wanted space. I am used to doing whatever I want and I wanted to come here. I am not sure why. I think I just feel lost. As much as I hated it here, at least it gave me some sort of freedom and comfort. I guess it brings me more security and a feeling of safety than I realized. Which is ironic because I felt scared here every night. I am so happy that I found you guys, my parents. I mean every kid dreams of this moment. I think something is wrong with me. My body has just shut down. I feel so messed up inside. I feel guilty for not being more excited at the DNA test reults. I am excited, but there are a lot of other feelings mixed in and it is causing me to feel suffocated and numb overall. I am nervous for you to tell everyone too. I don't know how they will react. I am afraid to be your daughter. I don't remember what it is like to have a family or any type of structure. Sometimes I get so mad at you guys for getting kidnapped and blame you for all that has happened. It makes me not want to listen to you or be around you." I look up at Stef shyly, she nods her head for me to keep going. I can tell this is hard for them to hear. "However, I also know you wanted me and that you didn't abandon me. Logically I know it isn't your fault I was kidnapped. So there is this huge part of me that doesn't blame you and is so excited to be back and I just want you to wrap me up forever and never let me go." Lena squeezes tighter when I say this. "It just feels like I am in a constant battle internally and I freak out. I really don't think I was running away from you. I guess I was running away from my feelings, but it honestly didn't work. I think I also am sad and afraid to let go of Gabriella" I use air quotes when I say the name Gabriella. "I hated my life when I was Gabriella, but at least that part of my life is familiar. Even though being with my family and two amazing moms who love me is such a good thing, I am terrified because I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to listen to what my parents say. I am not used to being disciplined or having to follow rules. I am not used to opening up or letting someone comfort me. Let alone having two beautiful nurturing mothers, it terrifies me. Sorry, I am rambling."
Lena turns to me so I can look at her while she talks. "No honey, that was amazing, I am so glad you opened up. Do not apologize for that, ever. We always want to know what you are thinking and feeling. We love it. I can't even imagine what you are going through. It makes sense to me what you are saying. All of it. We understand that you are upset with us for getting kidnapped. It is so understandable. We are so very sorry. I know you say logically you understand we didn't choose it and it wasn't our fault, but our fault or not, we hurt you. We let you down and it's okay to be angry at us. We understand." Lena says, kissing my forehead.
"Mama is right Ella," So weird to hear Mama, but I secretly like that she does that. Like it's so normal and they are my moms. Well, they are. It still is hard to wrap my head around it. "We are so sorry. We will always be deeply remorseful for letting you down. This isn't a small thing we let you down on, it is a big one. I am glad you are being open and letting us in, it helps us work through it. I get why you would come here. I think I would do something like that too. Almost like you needed to say goodbye to your old life and feel it one more time before it is gone forever. Even though your old life is hard and you wouldn't choose it being over us, it is still a part of you. Which is okay. You are still you. I don't want you to feel like you have to change for us. We love who you are. We will teach you how to be a family. We are so grateful and honored to be your mothers. We will always be here for you Ella and do everything in our power to make you feel loved unconditionally. We know it is an adjustment and if there is something we can do to make it easier, please let us know. We may have some ups and downs and bumps in the road, but we will get through it together. Our love will never change for you. We will always be your parents and you will always be our daughter." I am tearing up as they say this.
Stef comes over and sits on the other side of me. "This is called a mama sandwich," she says kind of loudly. They both squeeze me and start smothering my face with kisses. I can't help but giggle as they surround me with their love and nurturing spirits.
...
I am staring at the ceiling in my bed. After Stef and Lena brought me home we ate a quick dinner and now they are telling the kids who I am. They added a few days to my grounding for leaving without permission. Not even an entire week. They said that they understand I was struggling so much which is why they only added three more days, but I can't just leave whenever I want. Especially without telling them. It's been almost an hour and I am so nervous. I debate talking a codeine to calm my nerves. Just as I am about to move to do that, my door starts opening and I sit up anxiously. Mariana is the only one who doesn't knock.
Mariana comes in and just looks at me. Her eyes are red like she has been crying. Before I can react she walks over and sits on the bed across from me. She just looks at me like she is examining me closely. Is she angry? I can't help but feel my anxiety and fear skyrocket as I wait for what she is going to do or say. Then, unexpectedly, she leans in and wraps me up in the biggest hug. I take a second to respond but once I realize what is happening I quickly wrap her up in my arms and hug her back. She squeezes me so tight and whispers, "I am glad you are home sis."