Chapter 10: Holding On and Letting Go

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the related characters. The Harry Potter series is created by J.K. Rowling and owned by Warner Bros. Pictures. All rights of Harry Potter belong to Warner Bros. Pictures. This entire story is a work of fanfiction and is meant for entertainment purposes only. I am not making a profit from this story.

Notes: This chapter is inspired by the song "Holding On and Letting Go" by Ross Copperman.

Spring 1998 (Continued)

I self-consciously smoothed down the skirt of my long-sleeved woollen mauve skater dress and squinted at myself in the mirror of the loo. This was the third ensemble I'd tried on this morning and the only one that made me feel both comfortable and presentable. A couple of purple butterfly clips kept flyaway hairs out of my face. I paired the dress with black stockings, drop earrings and the fur trimmed ankle boots Sarika had given away to me last spring.

The outfit still felt like it was missing something, so I decided to wear the four leaf clover pendant from Dev to compliment my ensemble. I actually wore it everyday at Hogwarts, hidden beneath my collared uniform shirt. I never risked wearing it at home, in case my family noticed my new jewellery and started asking questions. I did bring it home during the holidays for safekeeping.

I nervously clasped my hands in front of me and sighed at my reflection. What if I was misinterpreting this entire situation? Dev never said it was a date. He actually didn't say anything at all. Three words scribbled on a random page in my astronomy book were all I had to go off of. What if this was just a platonic get-together? What if he had invited Vijay and Kirin to come along?

Before my nerves got the better of me, I grabbed my purse and stalked down the steps, being careful not to step on the ones that creaked. Once I reached the foyer of my parents' home, I opened the closet to put on my cream coloured pea coat so that my necklace was concealed from plain sight.

Now came the tricky part.

I had already resolved not to sneak out when I was planning my route last night after all the guests at my birthday dinner had left. If I got caught, my actions could raise more questions and would not go unpunished. I'd simply have to tell a convincing lie and hope for the best. I had spent fifteen minutes rehearsing what I was going to say in the mirror this morning because I was a terrible liar. Now, my plan was finally taking effect.

"Hi Mama, hi Papa," I smiled pleasantly, strolling into the kitchen.

"Beta, you're up earlier than usual on a weekend. And you're dressed in muggle clothes to go out! Where are you going?" my mother asked in surprise. My father looked up from his newspaper and adjusted his glasses as he took in my appearance.

I had carefully selected this outfit because it didn't look too casual or too fancy. It was modest and would keep me warm from the chilly spring air. I also kept my makeup neutral so they wouldn't suspect I was going out with a boy. I wasn't allowed to date until after I finished school and it had to be someone they approved of. I had followed that rule my whole life…until now.

"I'm going to meet Sue at the planetarium in muggle London at noon. She sent me an owl about it this morning. We wanted to have more hands-on practice outside of the classroom before we sit our Astronomy N.E.W.T. I'll be back before suppertime," I calmly explained, keeping my voice steady.

"Oh beta, it's so nice that you're taking such a keen interest in your studies! But, will you be alright? You have never travelled by yourself before. Perhaps you should take your sister with you," my mother said with evident concern lacing her voice.

I had already been expecting this.

"Well, Parvati isn't taking Astronomy with us and I wouldn't want to waste her study time either. She's also in the middle of her morning run right now. Besides, if anything happens I know how to take care of myself. I did get an 'Outstanding' in my Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L.," I explained emphatically.

My parents exchanged an apprehensive look with each other.

"Okay beta, we trust your judgement. It's just a day trip and I see you have dressed warmly. Be home by 6pm. We love you," my mum relented.

She hugged me again and I went to kiss my dad goodbye. He caught me as I was pulling away.

"Be safe," he said sternly, examining my face up close. I swallowed hard and nodded.

After locking the front door, I decided to take the long route to the train station so I wouldn't bump into Parvati on her way home from jogging. Once the train departed, I finally settled down and looked out the window in excitement.

*/*/*

I reached the building fifteen minutes early and anxiously looked around the area for any familiar faces. There were just a few other muggle couples and families with unruly small children. I smiled at the thought of us someday taking our own children on excursions like this, before realising with a blush that I was getting a little ahead of myself.

'But, there's no harm in fantasising,' I mused as a little girl lifted her arms for her father to carry her. Dev had a gentle personality and a kind heart. He would be a wonderful father.

After a few moments, I saw him appear up ahead. He was also wearing muggle clothes that suited him quite well. Navy blue denim trousers, a light grey hoodie beneath a black bomber jacket and chunky red trainers.

I smiled broadly and eagerly waved to him. He chuckled and raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement, a fond smile gracing his lips that caused my heart to flutter. I felt a bit embarrassed by my overt show of enthusiasm, but I couldn't help myself. I'd wanted this for so long. I clasped my hands behind my back and waited for him to reach me.

He was just a couple of metres away from me when he suddenly froze. I frowned in confusion as a look of unbridled horror came over his face. I had never seen anybody so panicked before and this observation was coming from someone who regularly caught students snogging after curfew during prefect rounds.

I glanced behind me and choked when I saw Sarika and Parvati walking in my direction.

'What in Merlin's name are they doing here?!' I angrily wondered, trying to compose myself as they drew closer. With Sue obviously nowhere in sight, my cover would be blown for sure!

I shot Dev a distressed look, unsure of what to do next. He met my eyes with an expression of equal dismay at our current predicament. Then, a crowd of middle schoolers passed between us and he suddenly vanished.

My bottom lip trembled and I felt my heart clench. The warm elation that was bubbling inside me less than an hour ago instantly dissolved into cold emptiness.

"Hey Pads, there you are!" Parvati called out to me.

I clenched my fists and slowly turned around with furious tears in my eyes. My sister appeared startled, while Sarika looked annoyed.

"Aren't you happy to see your family? And where's your friend? Your mom said you were going to meet her here at noon," Sarika demanded, placing her hands on her hips.

"I just got an owl from Sue to say that she can't make it," I hissed, not caring about whether either of them bought my poor excuse at this point. Sarika rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, you'll see her next week when you return to Hogwarts. I used the Floo Network to drop by your place for a visit earlier today. My mother-in-law and I had a nasty fight after your birthday party yesterday over what Shahid and I should name our child so I needed a girls' day out. He's at her house right now to do some damage control. I want to go over what you'll both be doing to help with my baby shower this summer anyways. When I arrived, Parvati had just returned home from her jog and your mum suggested we both accompany you and your friend to the planetarium so you wouldn't be alone," Sarika explained impatiently. Parvati rolled her eyes and I gritted my teeth. So this was my mother's fault. When will I ever be free?

"I wouldn't have been alone, Sue would've been with me," I huffed.

"Well, Sue isn't here right now is she?" Sarika smirked triumphantly. My shoulders sagged in defeat. She wasn't wrong.

"Come on, let's get this over with. I need to go home and listen to the latest Weird Sisters album - I mean continue studying for my N.E.W.T.s," Parvati grumbled. Sarika led the way before coming to an abrupt halt. She slowly turned around and scrutinised me from head to toe.

"You look nice. Like a better version of yourself. I see you're wearing those ankle boots I gifted you last year. I can also tell you're wearing makeup. It's subtle, but it's definitely there," she said slowly, narrowing her eyes.

I met her gaze head on for the first time in my life. "I decided that I should start dressing my age," I said. Her eyes widened in shock. My heart raced, and I had to remind myself that the Killing curse was illegal so I was probably safe from my cousin's wrath.

"Hmm about time. Maybe one of the boys in your class will ask you out before graduation," she said with a smug grin, turning on her heel and strutting away.

Parvati kept a firm grip on my coat sleeve as I tried to lunge at her from behind.

"What's the matter with you today? You're normally not in such a foul mood around Sarika. You know how she is. Please don't be mad at Sue for cancelling either. I'm sure she had a good reason. You two are best friends," Parvati admonished me in a hushed tone.

I turned and pulled her into a tight hug. She was right. I was usually the level-headed one in these types of situations. I had just never felt this way before. Everyone deserves to be happy, but what do you do when the odds are stacked against you? There was so much I wanted to tell my sister and even Sue, but I couldn't. What was supposed to happen today would have to remain a secret forever. I might tell Sue about the gift, but nothing more.

Going on a date before exams with an older boy?

Sue would be disappointed in me and my parents would keep me under house arrest for the rest of my life. I would be like the girl from that muggle fairy tale who was trapped in a tower and had to use her hair to escape. I wonder if Sarika could teach me that hair growth spell she cast on my plait for her wedding reception last summer?

"Can you two hurry up? I want to beat the crowds. I haven't even told you what that biddy suggested we name our first-born child. Pappu! Can you believe it? What kind of stupid name is that?!" Sarika seethed.

Parvati laughed and we entered the planetarium together.

Notes: Poor Padma, this chapter was an emotional roller coaster for her and Dev. They're definitely going to hurt before they're happy :(

Rapunzel is my favourite Disney princess so I just had to mention her somewhere!

I also wanted to pay homage to one of my favourite 90's fashion accessories - butterfly clips!

Lastly, the name "Pappu" is from the film, Bunty aur Babli, which has a fun Bonnie and Clyde inspired plotline. Towards the end, Babli names their son, Pappu, which Bunty thinks is a silly name so I decided to use it here too :)