She's broken up with me.
I don't understand why; she says it's because of me trying to make the world a better place for us. I had to kill those assholes; they're trying to keep her away from me, trying to ruin us and they upset her.
Our love is God. Me and her together are god and they tried to hurt her, control her... upset her so they had to be stopped, no matter the method.
But she doesn't see it that way so here I am lying on my bed, writing bad poetry and surrounded by bottles of alcohol like some kind of loser. My eyeliner runs down my face and my nail polish is cracked and black like the foundations of my broken and decayed heart soon to break down completely, first from first my mother's death, my father's betrayal and now my saviour's absence. It was fine when it was just black and hard but now Veronica's cracked it open and I can feel all that truthful shit inside.
It all haunts me now because the slushies aren't working: I can't bring myself to numbness through that sweet, sweet pain. It isn't working because I almost let myself feel, almost convinced myself I could be loved but it broke... just like it always does so that's why my now eyeliner runs (god I haven't cried in fucking years. I need to fucking stop. I can't show weakness except I am. Alot. But I need to stop) , that's why my nail polish cracks and that's why the bastards that took her, my grace and saviour, away from me will die.
And fuck I guess I get weirdly poetic and shit when I'm drunk. I sound like a fucking emo or something. God, get me some more fucking eyeliner and play My Chemical fucking Romance (A/N yes I know it is the wrong time but like aesthetic or smth). Well I guess it doesn't change anything.
I'm talking to a fucking book but I guess if she thinks I'm a psycho I might as well live up to it: only psychopaths write in journals or diaries or whatever. I don't care anymore. She's gone.
But, we could of had it all. Our love was god. We were god. Together. But what is the point without her. They took her and the need to pay but we are not god with out her. Because without her there is no love and there is no we.
Why did she leave?
She shouldn't of fucking left.
I fucking miss her.
I fucking miss us.
-JD