Chapter 10: First Week Away
Notes:
WOW 3000 hits and over 100 kudos? yall are so nice to me 3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The holidays passed pretty normally. Pettigrew showed up a few days after Sirius and Regulus' escape, and the four boys would do pretty much everything together, and when it wasn't the four of them, Sirius was snogging Remus and James was helping Mrs Potter cook. Regulus spent most of his time in their library, reading all day until someone came up and told him it was mealtime.
Regulus didn't know what to expect from James now that they were living together. After the first night that they'd spent together, Regulus had slept in his own room, Mrs Potter insisting that he would always be welcome to stay with them. The Potter parents had been nice about his problem, Mrs Potter still looked at him with pity whenever he reached for parchment, and Mr Potter rarely spoke to him, always busy either at work or brewing potions. He hadn't really met Pettigrew, but Regulus guessed Sirius had told the boy about Regulus' problem, Pettigrew avoided talking to him unless necessary, and Regulus couldn't tell if it was because he was a Slytherin or because he couldn't talk.
Regulus was quite content with how the holidays were going, but of course, James changed that.
Regulus was up in the library again, reading a muggle fantasy book about dragons, enjoying himself, when James walked in, checking the clock told Regulus it wasn't mealtime, so he put his book down and pulled some parchment towards himself, pulling out James' pen.
"Hey, how're you doing?" James sat on a chaise adjacent to Regulus,
'I'm fine, these muggle books are interesting, how are you?' James nodded,
"I'd be better if Remus and Sirius would stop snogging," James replied, making Regulus laugh, he quickly covered his mouth, his laugh had always been odd since his vocal cords don't fully work. "Are you sure you're okay? I haven't seen much of you since you came here." James sounded genuinely concerned, it warmed Regulus' chest.
'Yeah, just getting used to the idea of being here.' Regulus missed his friends, they hadn't been able to write to him since he'd run away, word had spread fast in the pureblood circle, and he didn't want to endanger his friends by writing to them, so he'd been alone for the past few days.
"If you're sure." After that, they fell into a comfortable silence, just existing together, before James broke it, "Do you have a soulmate?" James was looking right at him, the question made Regulus' heart beat faster, Regulus nodded slowly.
'Where's this coming from?' James sighed, he sounded sad, and a little wistful.
"I don't have a soulmate, I was born without words, I accepted the whole thing at a young age, but I want to know what it's like, knowing there's someone out there that's destined for you." Regulus almost stopped breathing. Sirius had said James didn't have Words, but Regulus didn't realise it had hurt James so much, thinking he might never find love.
'My soulmate probably doesn't have Words, they could just be like me, you never know.' Regulus hoped he wasn't being too open, he didn't want to hurt James, but he didn't think he could live through the inevitable rejection.
"True, but it's still unlikely. I hope I can meet someone like me, without a soulmate, and we can be happy." Regulus' heart broke again, James had obviously thought this before, Regulus wanted to tell James then and there, but he stopped himself.
'Maybe you will.' Regulus hoped James would get to be happy, even if Regulus couldn't be.
~
Ever since the conversation in the library, James had been sad, he'd just accepted he had feelings for Regulus, and then found out he had a soulmate, it was a repeat of what had happened with Lily, everyone he'd started to fall for ended up having soulmates. James never really cared about soulmates, but right now he wished he had words, at least if he had a soulmate the heartbreak wouldn't hurt as much.
"What did you say to him Prongs?" Sirius had just stormed into James' room, James was lying on his bed, his glasses sat next to him, and he pulled them on to see Sirius properly.
"What did I say to who Padfoot?" James sat up, Sirius looked pissed.
"My brother, he's been sulking all day." Sirius crossed his arms, glaring at James.
"Uhm, I asked him if he had a soulmate? That's the only thing I can think of." James fell back onto his bed, watching Sirius' face soften, he crossed the room to sit on the bed next to James.
"Oh Prongs, you absolute dumbass." He kissed James' forehead, and then left the room, leaving a very confused James behind.
~
Sirius walked into Regulus' room, and sitting on the bed next to him, Regulus put the book he was trying to read down and pulled out some parchment.
"Have you still not told James?" Sirius asked, looking at his brother pointedly.
'No. He wouldn't want me anyways, he wants someone without Words.' Regulus sighed, he knew his brother would try to get Regulus to tell James, but he didn't want to, not when he would be risking rejection.
"No, Reggie, he wants a soulmate, someone to love." Regulus shook his head at Sirius, rolling away from him, ending the conversation on his side, "Alright, I get it, but you've got to tell him eventually." Regulus heard Sirius get up and leave the room, he sighed, this whole mess was making him miserable.
Eventually, he dragged himself out of bed, not willing to make Mrs Potter worry about him. He took his usual seat next to James, and the sight of him made Regulus' heart ache again, his hair was a mess like he'd been running his hands through it, and his eyes were red-rimmed from crying, Regulus wanted to hug him. But he didn't, James didn't want him.
Mrs Potter served up dinner, kissing her son on the cheek, clearly worried for him but not saying anything. Regulus and James ate in silence, Sirius kept sending the both of them concerned looks, and Mrs Potter was visibly fretting for her son, even Pettigrew was looking worried. They finished dinner and went back up to their rooms, James paused in his doorway, looking back at Regulus, their rooms were across the hall from each other.
"Good night, Regulus." James smiled sadly, and then closed and locked his door, Regulus closed his door behind him, he felt like he'd taken a bludger right to the chest, and he finally let go, he fell onto his bed, silent sobs escaping his throat, hot tears streaming down his face. He ended up falling asleep like that, tears still streaming down his face and small hiccups escaping his throat.
His mother was walking towards him, wand drawn, a scowl on her face, she threw a crucio his way, his body convulsing in pain and his mouth open in a silent scream. He looked around at the people gathered around him, begging one of them to do something in his mind, his eyes caught James and he almost cried, but James looked away, scoffing.
"If you think I'm going to stop her, you're mental." He said sneering, Regulus felt tears start running down his cheeks, James smirked, and he was hit with another crucio, he didn't even try to fight back.
Regulus felt himself jolt awake, shooting straight up, but being held by strong arms, he began to panic, he was being held down and he didn't have his wand, but then he registered that the person was talking to him,
"Shh, you're okay Regulus, you're alright, you aren't there anymore." The person was James, he was petting Regulus' hair, talking to him in a soothing voice, Regulus turned around and buried his face into James' chest, crying for the second time that night, James just held him closer, still talking in that soothing voice.
Regulus didn't calm down for a while, just being held by James, they were on the cold floor, and James wasn't wearing a shirt, but James didn't try to move them, just holding Regulus. Once Regulus did calm down, James stood and helped Regulus up, sitting on the bed, rubbing Regulus' back.
"Are you okay?" James' voice was soft and quiet, clearly trying not to startle Regulus, Regulus shook his head. "Do you want me to stay here?" Regulus nodded, and James pulled them both under the covers, hugging Regulus and petting his hair again, he put his glasses on the bedside table, and Regulus buried his head into James' chest again, willing himself to calm down. They eventually fell asleep like that, James hugging Regulus and Regulus taking in James' comfort.
Notes:
Sorry, I just had to add in a little angst
Also, someone asked if I was going to use BSL in this, unfortunately no, the Wizarding World don't have many things they can't fix so they've never had to find ways around it :)