Chapter 11:

Trauma

The Coleman Residence

Later That Day

An older episode of SpongeBob played on the Coleman's large flat-screen TV in the family living room as Max sat watching on the couch, with the Colemans' dog Remy sitting beside her. She was half covered up by a blanket while absent-mindedly watching the DVR recording on the episode, while Hannah was in the kitchen, putting away the groceries they'd picked up while out and about. Max had actually offered to help Hannah stow away the groceries when they returned from Kroger, but Hannah had told her that she wanted her to take it easy for the rest of the day, so Max half-heartedly obliged.

Once she was done with the groceries, Hannah made her way over to the living room, with a small bowl of Ritz crackers and a juice box for Max. Max signed her a 'thank you' and took her snack. Hannah then sat next to her, glancing down at her phone as she finished sending a text. She glanced up at the TV and smiled upon hearing Patrick's deep voice and snickered.

Max reached over and gently tugged Hannah's sleeve, slightly startling her. Max covered her mouth for a few moments, apologized and signed something to her. Hannah watched those little fingers dance about, her mind already translating the small gestures.

"Does Mommy know about what happened at school today?"

Hannah gave Max a sympathetic look and slowly nodded her head. Max's eyes lowered in shame and he sighed. Hannah then began to sign something to her, making Max look up to see what she was saying to her.

"She only knows what I know, Max," Hannah explained as she signed, "Unfortunately, you're not telling either of us the full story." Max signed something else in response.

'I guess I'm not ready to say just yet.'

"We only want to know what happened, sweetie," Hannah said in a warm, motherly voice, " But you don't have to tell me if you're not ready. I understand if you're not ready."

Max swallowed hard and didn't respond for a few moments. Hannah then reached into the back, took one of Max's little hands and lightly squeezed it. Max lifted her gaze to meet hers.

"Were some of the other kids picking on you?" Hannah asked, signing to her, "I know Daniel is having that very problem at his school."

Max shook her head and chewed her lip nervously.

"Well, I'm not going to press the issue any further," Hannah said, a gentle smile forming on her lips, "I just want you to know that you can talk to me or your mother about anything that's bothering you, anything at all, Max. That's why we're here."

Max slowly nodded her head and glanced back at the TV. As Hannah continued to stare at her, Max turned back to Hannah, paused, and then began to sign something else.

'It's Esther.'

Hannah nodded slowly, a look of empathy crossing her gentle face.

"I see, Max," Hannah said, "Is it the nightmares?"

Hannah had been with the Coleman family for a while now. She'd even stayed late at the Coleman household when Kate was running late getting home to her family. She'd been there when Max awoke screaming from her recurring nightmares of Esther. Daniel had them too, but not as frequent as Max. Hannah guessed that the reason for her frequent nightmares was because Max was closer to Esther, and shared a sisterly bond with her.

She also knew it was because Max had saw Esther kill her father in front of her.

Max's next response shocked Hannah to say the least.

'It was the nightmares at first,' Max signed with shaky hands, 'But I've started seeing Esther now when I'm awake.'

Hannah stared at her for a few moments, processing what she'd just been told.

"Sweetie, we have to tell your mom!" Hannah said, her fingers darting around, "This is serious; this undealt with trauma can have lasting effects on you and cause you all kinds of problems now, and also when you're older!"

'I can't, Hannah,' Max signed to her, her eyes welling up, 'What if they lock me away in a bad place like they did Esther?'

"That won't happen, sweetie!" Hannah said with a warm, motherly look, "You have to be a bad person like Esther, or be someone who's unable to help themselves for them to take you away to a place like that. You're not a bad person, Max, nor are you helpless. It's just that you and your family have been through quite a lot and haven't dealt with it as a family yet. We have to let your mom know what's happening, so she can get proper help for you guys."

Max violently shook her head, tapping 'No, no, no!' on her fingers.

"You want to stop seeing her, don't you?" Hannah asked, her eyebrows raised.

'Of course I do, Hannah,' Max signed.

"Then I need you to trust me on this, Max," Hannah reiterated, "Family therapy will help you guys. It helped me and my family. Although we were dealing with something else entirely, I found that it helps! It really helps, Max. We're stronger now as a family because of it. Much stronger and much closer than we were before."

Max sniffled and wiped her eyes. Hannah then leaned over, pulled Max into her chest, and hugged her tightly. Max returned the hug, still sniffling as she did so. Hannah kissed the side of her head and gave her one more squeeze. They then parted and Hannah smiled reassuringly at Max, rubbing her cheeks with her thumbs.

"What do you think, Max?" Hannah asked, holding up her hands, "We should really tell your mom. If you want, we can tell her together."

Max stared at her for a few moments. She then slowly nodded.

"Awesome, Max; I'm very proud of you!" Hannah said with a big smile, "That's very grown-up decision of you to make. And trust me, it won't be that bad. Those doctors are here to help you. They want to help you, that's why they do what they do."

Max's smile faded slowly and she hesitated before she signed something else.

'What do I do if I see Esther again?'

Hannah paused for a moment, picking her words carefully and then she responded.

"You know she's not really there when you see her, right?" Hannah asked.

Max swallowed hard and then nodded.

"She's just part of your imagination," Hannah reassured, "She's your lingering trauma. All you have to do is close your eyes and tell yourself that she's not really there. Take away her power and the fear she has over you and she'll leave you alone. She can't harm you if she's not really there, right Max?"

Max smiled and nodded slowly. Hannah smiled back, and rubbed her cheek with her thumb, making Max giggle.

"Atta girl, Max!" Hannah said with a smile.

A while later, they were both watching another episode of SpongeBob. Hannah felt good that Max had showed a glimpse of that happy-go-lucky little girl that she used to be. Those moments were so rare now, and she hoped that one day, the happier, older version of Max would return to stay for good.

Bartlett Manor

Later That Day…

Leena was now in the guest-house, where she lived while she worked at Bartlett Manor. She didn't mind having her own space separate from the manor, as it gave her great privacy to hide her true self, whom she was still trying to keep dead and buried. She loved her new life as Tatyana Malik, a live-in house maid from Romania. And as much as she loved it, she couldn't fully become Tatyana Malik herself until Leena and Esther were buried out there, along with Kate's manuscript.

And Kate herself should the need arise.

As she packed a small amount of bags, the thought of having to show her true self once more turned her stomach. She reminded herself that she'd just have to endure Leena once more, and only once more until she could finally be rid of her. But right now, that goal itself seemed so very far away, like an unattainable, beautiful dream one has, but never truly reaches.

Once her clothing was packed, she laid out an array of weapons on her coffee table; her 45 automatic, her hunting knife, a small wood-handled hatchet, an onyx-colored set of brass knuckles, as well as a small cannister of pepper-spray, a taser and a pair of handcuffs that she'd taken off of the dead body of a young RCMP police officer who had tried to detain her in Quebec for matching the description of a shoplifter in the area, while she was beginning her months-long hitchhike across Canada. She was in fact exactly who he was looking for, but she wasn't going quietly.

The cop had been busy patting Leena down and rambling about her rights, when she'd quickly drawn her knife out from the forearm sheath hidden up the left sleeve of her winter coat. She'd then spun around and stabbed the cop in the throat. He'd gasped in surprise and dropped fast, clutching his throat with both hands. When he'd surprisingly survived her vicious surprise attack, Leena had then knelt down on his throat, pressing her knee into his Adam's apple until his feet had stopped kicking. She then collected her bag, took some of the cop's gear and ran off into the night, just as the snow began to fall.

At first, she'd been afraid that she'd acted too reckless, and that the authorities would link the cop's murder to her active case. But after about a week had passed, she'd managed to calm down upon hearing that her murder wasn't linked to her in any way. She then figured as there were no witnesses around and both she and the cop were out of sight of his dashcam when her attack took place, that she was in the clear. It looked merely like a stranger on stranger killing, which it was. The News confirmed that much.

Leena smiled upon remembering her last kill of that nosy cop as she packed her weapons all into a smaller black handbag, like that of a doctor's bag. Once she was all packed, she heard a light knocking at her door. Leena glanced over at her open bags and quickly zipped them up, before going to the door to answer it.

"Yes?" Leena asked in a pleasant tone.

"Tatyana? It's Lucy," said the voice of the Bartlett's youngest child, 10-year-old Lucy.

"Oh, one moment, sweetie!" Leena said in a sweet, motherly voice.

The door opened and she saw a young brunette girl, her long brown hair tied into a stylish wrapped, side ponytail, with light gray/green eyes, light face freckles and dressed in her navy-blue school uniform. A look of concern was worn on her sweet little face.

"Hello Ms. Lucy, what can I do for you?" Leena asked with a warm smile.

Lucy looked unsure of what to say, so she just said what was on her mind.

"I heard about what happened regarding your mother," Lucy said with a sorrowful look of empathy, "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss, Tatyana."

"Thank you, Ms. Lucy," Leena said, with them both hugging.

"So, you're leaving us for a while?" Lucy asked, a hint of alarm in her voice.

"Yes, tonight," Leena said, "But don't worry, I'll be back after the deed is done. But I will be gone for a while, as my family's affairs are quite a mess and there's a lot to sort out."

"Good, I'm glad you're coming back," Lucy said, smiling up at her, "I was worried that you weren't, especially with how my mom treats you sometimes."

"I don't mind your mom, Ms. Lucy," Leena said with a warm smile, "I've known people who were way worse. And I'll be back before you know it!"

"Awesome!" Lucy said with a giggle. She then made a face as if she just remembered something. She then added, "Oh, I have something for you, Tawt." She then began digging in her book bag, squinting into it, and pushing books aside.

"You do?" Leena asked, "Ooh, I love presents!" Lucy then took out a small light brown teddy bear and held it out to Leena, who smiled and took it, saying, "Oh, wow!"

"That's Badge, my old teddy bear," Lucy explained with a sheepish smile, "I call him that because he kind of looks a little like a honey badger, don't you think?"

Leena glanced down at the little bear for a few moments, smiled and then nodded upon seeing the unmistakable resemblance.

"He does!" Leena chuckled, "So Badge is a fitting name!"

"I used to bring him everywhere with me," Lucy explained, "School, vacation, summer camp, you name it. When I was very young, I used to get homesick a lot, especially at pre-school or daycare. Plus I was pretty clingy with my parents. So, whenever I had Badge with me, I had a connection to them and to home. Having him meant I would always make it back home safe to see them again. So, I want you to have him, so you can make it back home safe to us!"

"That is so sweet, Ms. Lucy!" Leena said, hugging her, "Thank you for this. I'll take very good care of him!"

"I'm glad you like him!" Lucy said with a pleased smile and a hug of her own, "And you're very welcome!"

As they held each other, Leena thought of the possibility of not making it back to Canada, where she was happily living under her new life and identity. The thought of getting caught in Hamden and getting sent back to that hell-hole that was the Saarne Institute scared the living hell out of her. In fact, her fear of being sent back to Estonia was so great that she almost convinced herself to just stay put and forget about the whole mess regarding Kate and her book.

But Dr. Bartlett had already given her time off. If she suddenly changed her mind, he might grow suspicious of her real intentions. And the last thing she needed was for her employer and his family to grow suspicious and take a closer look into her past.

There was no backing out now. Leena would have to see it through to the end if she wanted the past to die.