Destroy all humans: Do the gravity Falls boog-a-loo!
...
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...
I THANK GOD FOR EVERYTHING!
...III...
"Summer: A time of relaxation, spending time with family...and apparently burying bodies..."
"SHH! Not so loud!"
"Y'know mom...most people would have their daughter arrested or committed after the body count rises above ZERO."
"...Do you WANT your sister arrested or committed?"
He let's out a resigned sigh, "...no..."
"Then stop complaining and get shoveling! We have 5 more wagon loads to get through!"
...III...
60 years...
President Hoffman...
The man, the myth the vision...
It was he who crushed the commie invasion...TWICE...
He who brought us the 'Peace on Drugs' initiative...
Who won us the Vietmaul war...
He who made sure there was a Big Willy in every pot and a casino in every city in America...
Yes, truly President Hoffman is a man among men-
CRASH!
Cryptospiridium-138 groaned from the effort of throwing a chair at the TV...his hangover was killing him!
The Roswell Grey pushes aside all the popcorn, bras and syringes to force himself out of bed...
While nursing his massive cranium...he looks around the oval office...well...the REMAINS of the oval office...
"And THAT'S what you can do with Radiation, Human blood and Spam..." Said Crypto out loud with a smirk...before grimacing as that comment brought up some...(debatably)LESS then happy memories...
He PK's a nearby bathrobe over to himself to get dressed, steps over a- maybe -corpse and slumps inside his Presidential chair to get ready for the day...
And by 'get ready' we if course mean drinking booze, eating sugary cereal and watching cartoons...
"Oh, for crying out loud kid! You saved her from ghosts and every other male in the show has the personality of cardboard! This should be the easiest score of your life!" Shouts Crypto as 'the Mystery Kids Mysteries show' shows a green alien boy pining over the much older, buxom's, red headed space pirate...
He shakes his head as they then allow the sister to be pardoned for blowing up a planet just because his brother loved her so much... "Well there goes my appetite- tosses bowl over his shoulder -who writes this crap?"
"The same person who writes your presidential speeches I'm guessing." Snarked the familiar voice of Crypto's 'mentor'/invasion supervisor: Orthopox 13...well, the holographic remains of him at least.
"Well hello Pox in a box, what's shaking?" Said Crypto flatly, all the while bracing himself for whatever migraine his boss would throw at him today.
"Crypto, we need to talk about your performance..."
"Oh, come on Pox! I'm in charge of the most powerful nation of these monkey's, the Arkvoodle cult is going strong making sure we got loads of willing cortex's and your stinking restaurant is one of the top 10 franchise in the world AND doing it's job 'cleaning' up the corpses."
"You mean my Big Willy-
"GAH! Dang it Pox, change the freaking name or get some dang self-awareness! It's too early and I'm too stoned to be thinking about your dang ding-dong!"
"Enough of this prattle! First of all Crypto, although the cortex's are still coming in...were barely making the minimum requirements of the monthly shipments to the Furon homeworld!"
"Hey, were still getting a pass! So what's the problem!?"
"The problem Crypto is that this shouldn't even be a problem! You should be out and about ripping out human brainstems, sucking earth monkeys into your ship in droves! But now were lucky to see you even PK the mailman around! You laze about, you watch TV, you routinely OD on drugs, booze and hookers, your barely a furon! Let alone an invader! Last I checked our franchise was 'Destroy all humans', not 'sit on our couch and watch TV all day in between partying like a fool!"
"Admit it Pox, your just jealous..." Said Crypto dismissively
"Oh, why ever would I be jealous? Could it be the fact that I- Oh, I don't know -DON'T HAVE A BODY!" Snapped the holo-pox unit that still contained Pox's mind after all these years...
"Oh, boo-freaking-hoo! Y'know the waterworks made me somewhat sympathetic the first decade or so...but now it's just getting on my nerves..."
"You don't like it? Then do something about it!"
"Yeah, Yeah. Whatever. I'll look into it this afternoon." Said Crypto, naturally having no intention of doing this...and Pox knew it.
"Face it Crypto, we BOTH know why you like this and it's frankly pathetic..."
Crypto glared, "Don't go there Pox..."
"I'll jolly go where I want to! Face facts Crypto, Ever since Natalia left you, you've been a shadow of your former self!"
"Good to know..."
Both Roswell grey's blanched...then both reacted accordingly...
"Oh...uh...look at that! My batteries are askew! I'll just...go deal with that...ELSEWHERE, shall I?" Exclaimed Pox awkwardly as he beat a hasty retreat...
Crypto, meanwhile... "It's too early for this crap..." He moaned as he poured himself another scotch, gulped it down in one swig, took a moment to compose himself...then turned to face his Ex...
"Hey Nats...what happened to 'I'll come within five miles of you again when hell freezes over?'...Unless of course the Popes been lied to me at the last poker night?" He then pauses to take another swig, "Then again, he did say he left his wallet in his other robe, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised..."
"Enough! Look Crypto, this is going to be hard enough for me as is..." Indeed it looked like whatever she was about to say, was making her ill just THINKING of saying it... "Look, I'm just going to say it: I need a favor and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get it."
Crypto just stared at her in shock...
"Well, wasn't expecting that..." He said finally, indeed he was stunned. Natalya might've not been as vain as most, but where she did have pride, you better believe you had better luck moving a mountain then getting her to show humility on it...
whatever 'favor' she wanted...y'know it had to be HUGE...
Crypto was so stunned , he did nothing but stand there for a moment-
CRASH!
But a moment was all they had-
BOOM!
-the grenade thrown through the Oval office window saw to that...
...III...
TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!
Feel free to adopt whatever you want!
Love me, flame me, review me