This is the third part of a series of fics im writing lately, the order will be:
Volver a tener algo
Addicted to Chems
And this one, Traumas at the Commonwealth
Since im in a rampage writing with this new ship I want to make some announcements
If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn't write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don't finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and coments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive coments of wanting to know what happends next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic
Traumas.
One…two…put a third on my tab. He didn't have enough with his service on the war, Nate wake up after the apocalypse to collect a few more of course.
After menacing elder Maxson to kill himself if anything happens to Danse, both were spared, well, one exiled, the other one on watch but technically spared, to protect his now boyfriend the vault man lead the way the most far as possible from brotherhood members, he didn't want anyone to see them around, so they head to the south to do some works for the Minutemens…and the east to find some robot of the mechanist but…it wasn't enough, there was brotherhoods patrols anywere and even not wanting it Nate was a star, and absolutely interest man for so many people in the Commonwealth
General of the Minuteman, Paladin of the Brotherhood of Steel…Father of Father…oh my god his son was waiting for him to show up in the institute after deliverating helping the brotherhood to make a weapon to destroy them…his dying in cancer son…Nate was so afraid to confront his freacking 60 years old cancer father-son…he cant deal with this.
It was so hard to deal with his, to survive just to get this fucking poor results, to kill, and fight, and learn, and walk, and travel, and discover, and search to get revenge of his wife and get his son back just to…get such disappointment…yes he found Shaun but…it was nothing like he expected…and Shaun cant help loving him back, the 60 year old man cant love back a father he never take the time to meet…sure, he wanted to give something to his father, a gift, a right, something in exchange for all the pain and suffering he went just for him waking up in the Commonwealth, the vault man deserved it after fighthing so much but it wasn't what Nate wanted…but at this point, it was the only thing he can give to his dad…Nate and Shaun weren't in the same syntony…he didn't know if Shaun cant love anything but surely his priorities weren't loving back a man almost half his age…both were fighting for different things…
With heavy footsteps Nate remember the first day after he left Santuary to look for Shaun, not so far in the forest there was the corpse of a young lady with a note, there she explained that her parents kicked her for being pregnant from the wrong guy but she will manage no matter what…well Nate managed to get Shaun back and Shaun managed the Institute to…control the Commonwealth…and save the human kind?
The new paladin sighted, getting off old Danse power armor in a position that was a side to the bed in front of him, taking a moment outside to look and let his sight rest form the view of the helmet, making his eyes look to something real.
He was so tired of everything.
Never never never ever crossed his mind a thought of running when he was on service pre-war when things got rought, he see so many people on his squad die, help so many people on the nursery to try to save them, do the impossible to find items to help a doctor to save somebody, do the imaginable to help a soldier in distress in the field…but the Commonwealth and his horrors were crushing his mind…life was…so easy back then…the memory of a dirty precarious tent with people getting infections on a dirty matress while doctors do everything in their hands with poor equipment to save a leg of a artery hit with a bullet was a piece of cake compared to…this…
Right now, they were at Nuka-World…that's enough setting…
Yeah lets go to Nuka-World they said…it would be fun they said…lets scape from the brotherhood so they don't kill my boyfriend…lets scape from my responsabilities from a bit…lets run away from my son mad at me for not helping him to commit…things likely to happened in a dictatorship government...lets fucking to somewherelse no matter were…and here they are…
Danse looked at him, lately, Nate lost a bit of…sparkle…not like he was a very positive and enthusiastic man, he was still amazing and so powerfull and now is the leader of 3 gangs of different types of raiders so that's impressive but…Danse figured out that Nate needed some time to be the same man again and…its only getting worse –Bussy day hu? –the vault man only give him a small smile, still standing looking tired at his power armor.
Yeah well Danse was unsure of what they were doing here, Nate said he wanted to come here since he get the news on his pip-boy radio but he catched up the hint that he wanted to…scape…to keep him safe…make him disappear from the brotherhood radio for a while…unfortunetly Nate was the most looked man in the Commonwealth so the timing wasn't exactly good…better take this as a vacation…a small one…maybe if they are away from everything nothing will explode in their absence…lately Nate seemed pretty important for everybody, vital, essential…it wasn't the most liable thing to do run away from the Commonwealth like that but…he can see on his face that he needed the time.
He wasn't the same since the first day he went on the Institute, that day changed him.
-I didn't see any shower
-Or running water –Danse looked around the "apartment", there was no windows…it was windy and the night made everything colder, sure, on the noon it was nice because the sun hit directly but at night…-Are you sure you want to sleep here? We are a very vulnerable position
No shit Sherlock theres no windows or walls around, and we are trapped in a park of super psychos, people that literally tricks people to come here and die for fun! Nate put his hands of his face, resting a bit, closing his eyes.
-I sleep at worst places…and theres a king-size bed…they are rare to see…to bad the matress looks like somebody died there –that actually probably happened-but i…I need the rest…
-You are putting a lot of confidence in this people after what we see today –Danse was genuinely worried about being around this park of psycos, they were sheeps trapped in a pack of hungry, lusted and drugged wolfs…
Well, Nate was a Yao-Guai compared to them but still.
The new paladin sit on the bed, touching a bit to see if there was any rusted spring that could hurt him, then, touched the other matress, not apparently. Cool. So he went down and lay, making sings in the other matress for Danse to lay.
-Im the leader now. Get off the power armor and sleep with me, I already hide my fusion core
-No way im sleeping here with those crazy people around, ill make a watch for the night if you need it
Nate make his voice more deeper, annoyed
-Come to sleep Danse –sluddenly, the man understand, Danse went off his power armor, parking it in front of them in the bed, giving Nate the fusion core and then laying next to him. Gosh the smell of the matress was about to make him gag.
Once they were looking one to another, Nate grab him by the latex suit and whisper to him in the ear–Im sorry, I know I said a lot of strange things today that you didn't like, I just making my best effort to blend in here, not used to be a motherfucker u now? It doesn't come naturally for me
Since Nate comeback from the Institute, he went full paranoid, thinking there was spies everywhere, apparently, and even with being a synth, he trusted him to…talk about certain subjects, selected subjects, very well thinked subjects, but he will do it on almost inaudibles whispers.
-I know you weren't really threatening people, don't worry
-Just fitting to check on how things are going around…-Its not like he was planning on making genocide on the three raiders factions just because they were raiders and they deserved it but if they get enough on his nerves…and Danse wouldnt precisely judge him about it, they were raiders…that keep slaves…
-I understand, it just it sounds wrong coming from you, don't worry –Nate smiled a bit, he wasn't planning nothing yet, it was just the first day after fucking failing in the Gaulet…
He see a lot of this…raiders death laberynths, the mans should be artist or designers, such a creativity for immersive experiencies…there was a lot of this fucked up places around the Commonwealth, with recently dead people, decomposing corpses, heads on pickes, walls full of blood or gust from an explosion…but he was inside this one for a very extended period of time and see so much death with no fucking reason…crave on his head badly…
It makes his head spin in headches and sucked off his energy to live….hard to watch…difficult to let it pass in his mind…
Not like he trusted his sleeping ass in this place full of rapist but the images are really messing with his head…
-I see what ill do in the morning, this people are living here apparently for a year, I don't think a night is that much risk…-Nisha, the leader of the Disiples make a rule for his followers that really craved into his heart: not let anyone find out…I mean only 8hs are a lot in that crazy town if you hear that and see heads on pikes every 10 meters but still…the images…
Ah…just bellow this bed he enter a door and the first thing he see is his foot over a pool of dirty water and blood…the place of that people weren't different at all…bodies everywhere…limbs for decoration…slaves… living people Nate cant save right now…heads on pikes…on strange art games and representations…pools of guts and broken flesh…and the smell…the hedor of rot and decomposition…that people surely are cannivals, he didn't see it today but…he didn't find today a religious reason for that so there most be something more primal, more…fucked up…
He didn't save that slaves today, Nate hoped tomorrow wasn't too late.
-Want me to watch for the night? I don't trust anybody here
They keep whispering, for safety.
-No, watch your words and manners, raiders are…special…very very susceptible to be judged as you see with Gale, if they see you from the windows not being chill they are going to be upset that you don't trust your ass sleeping…lest blend…we are on a cage…we need to pretend we are also like them
-With no boundaries and with a fetish bloodlust
-Not to mention the trauma with power roleplay
Well he wasn't going to be…visible on watch but wasn't going to sleep either…Since Danse became aware he was a synth lately he was thinking…does he really needs to sleep? Yeah, his body might be very human, fleshy, fresh and real, like a person but…if his brain can become deactivated with just a single code he didn't know…means that some process on his head were programmed to be robotic and others to be organic…what about the sleep then? Did he really needed it? It was something he do his whole life because his body thinked it was human and it is a human need? Now he is aware he is a robot…he can change his body and habits to his new nature?...
Lately, Danse was thinking and that, sleeping less everynight, luckily tonight he can stay awake, protect his boyfriend and not compromise his doubtful mental health for the morning…maybe he can stop sleeping at all with no repercusions over time!
-Anyway im just asking you…time…to figure this out…-the new paladin needed to shut his brain down, or the thought of the slaves he see down this damn apartment will stick with him the next 8 hours
-Again, don't worry
-Sorry for bringing you here
-Im glad im here to watch your back
-Thoose laser turrents are hard to break man! –Nate finally posed his head over the dirty staw pillow…and he feeled it so disgusting against his neck and hair that he trow it to the window, frustrated and angry.
He really really hated sleeping in disgusting places.
The only good thing about the Institute were the clean sheets and matress to sleep.
And then went to close his eyes and sleep over his arm, trying to shut down his mind for a couple hours.
Danse watched him sleep, sleep bad, body atching from the cold of the night, there wasn't a sheet or anything to cover and it was cold up there…now he was aware of his synth condition he was thinking about the temperatures…if he didn't think about it…if he forget it…his mind didn't actually…but it surely must affect to the human composition of his body…Nate had a friend in the Railroad who is a synth of his same generation…maybe he should ask him about this stuff…the more he can abandon his human flaws the more he can serve and protect Nate…well not right now he cant transform into a stove but he wouldn't die of hypothermia…oh damn but Nate would! At thinking on him waking up tomorrow sick from cold Danse went up to make a fire, there was a kitchen…and some blowtorchs…and oil…he can make a fire somewhere, at least in a bucket to keep it close to the bed!
Sure he should pay attention that nothing gets on fire since the furniture around them was wood but no problem, better that than leave Nate froze to death!
Danse went up the bed, seeing him shake and move a lot in his sleep, pretty uncomfortable…and started searching for things to make a small fire…
Looking around the apartment he found a steel bucket…some pieces of a wooden furniture and…where the hell where the matches? Or something to blow up a fire! Danse knew he saw somewhere a blowtorch! Or maybe Nate used it to fix his old power armor before? Damnit!
But with his attention focus on the otherside of the apparment Danse loose his sight from Nate, who called his attention with a growl of effort and agitation after…taking some chems.
-Goddammit Nate! –said Danse frustrated trowing the bucket to the ground calling his attention with the sound, Nate went to look at him ashamed, he knew that Danse hated when he take drugs, especially when he catched it
-Sorry, couldn't sleep, keep having nightmares –The ex paladin take a moment to look at his eyes with the moonlight, ok he had watery eyes because of the drugs or…something else?
-A soldier doesn't need that crap to keep moving forward, leave it –Nate looked to other side, sure he didn't want to disappoint Danse who was actually very pissed with the fact that sometimes his habits of consume are more stronger to…freacking avoid doing it when Danse is around but…
Again, Nate was a different person until he went to the Institute.
-I keep seeing piles of bodies –when he heard that, Danse exhaled frustrated and went back to the bed, sitting and opening his arms, Nate didn't want to speak here loud and right now needed to be heard by only him.
It wasn't good exactly that he had to run to please his needy breakdowns but they were in a very delicate position in enemy territory…better now have spies hearing this…weak conversation…
-In nightmares? –ask Danse, Nate went down to get on his legs and hug him…
-No…vivid memories…at the Disiples…just down here…theres a wall with exploded guts…theres a hedor so strong to human death…theres living people waiting for their death…-Nate was shivering, Danse was worried
-Are you afraid? –never had see him like that before…the indestructible man that hours before was taking down a raider lider in a indestructible power armor
-No…we can take them down…we did that kind of things before…but this is…sadism for free-Nate feel a cold shiver down his spine at remembering that maniqui kissing a head with the spine still attached-is much worse that sadism is…
-An abomination, I know –Danse also had that distruptibe feelings when he see a few hours ago that pile of human rest, stocked in the ground like dirty clothes
-You know im not sensitive
-I know, you have seen a lot
-But I step on a piece of human jaw for accident and I still feel against my boot the teeths on it, its like that person is chewing my foot sleeping for not killing them all in a rampage…because they deserve it
-What does this have to do with drugs? What did you even take this time?
-Day tripper, I need to light up my head a bit…blurry my thoughts and vision…if I cant focus on images Ill don't know if whats crossing my mind is a torax or a cake…-Danse pressed and jerk a bit his hair, lightly, still, he understanded but he cant "understand" Nate and let him destroy himself with drugs, so it was his role to be upset that he takes chems…even if now seemed…necessary…again, seemed, not like it was…
-I saw it too you know
-It can break my limit sometimes…im not indestructible…-yes "you seem like it Nate" Danse thought caressing his hair.
-Im here…
-I know
-I thought you were freezing, go up to start a fire and put it near to you
-That's a good idea, I was a bit cold too…but that's not the reason I wake up…it was…really vivid…-Nate wasn't crying but the trauma of that experiences were making his chest feel really thight, hurting, eyes watering because of the effort to not breakdown…
That was the Commonwealth for him, the filthiest placer ever…and he wasn't a wall, his mind can break with horror sometimes…not necessary fear…but…the horrors of this kind of situations…messed up his thoughts.
Not in the war he saw this kind of…savage unnecessary behavior from human to human…
-Let me start that fire, it will help, were did you leave that blowtorch?
-Probably next to the power armor stand –stupid, why didn't he think of that before –that people craves hearts from a still living human chest like nothing…-Nate chest was going up and down breathing hard at the memories…
-I understand –Nate wasnt afraid that anything could happened to him, he was just horrified this situation, the pain never stop-im going to say something awfull but…im glad you are able to feel this ways about this things sometimes…most of the time you don't, and its practical and professional but its necessary to not let this pass this always…
Nate understanded Danse point of view, still, he didn't want to feel this pain, he can awknocleg something bad and not be necessary affected by it to the point to feel all that loosen lives haunt him on his sleep like it was his fault that the world turned into hell 200 years ago
At not hearing a response for his…unfortunate comment Danse went up to take the bucket and make that fire, once he left the bucket next to him, away enough from the wood furniture, the blowtorch needed a pair of minutes to sucesfully mantein a low fire on the wood cropped pieces and not catch a big fire.
A few minutes passed until around the bed started to feel a bit bit bit warmer, making Nate groan relaxed, now his toes weren't freezing atching inside his hard boots, that was a relief.
-Thanks for being at my side –once Danse lay again on the bed he hear that from Nate, making him smile- I had this moments before but…Dogmeat doesn't confort the same about this dilemas…
-I know its hard for you, don't worry, im here –the ex paladin put his hand over Nates cheek, seeing him smile, still with water eyes but with his chest moving way more calm than before.
-I love you –despite everything the new paladin was glad he take Danse with him, taking him out of the brotherhood chasing him
-Sleep babe, love you too.
Tomorrow they will find a way to get energy and water back, they weren't going to wake up nice sleeping in that shitty matress, and it was a difficult day.