It was one day after the disaster that was the Carlos Angeles chase and Sasaki was feeling miserable.
She was emotionally, mentally and phyiscally exhausted. Sometime between her arriving on the roof of the train station and Aizawa calling her to tell her to come home it had started raining.
It wasn't soft summer rain, no it was a veritable storm. By the time she had made it back to her apartment Sasaki has been drenched to the bone. She hadn't had the energy to change out of her clothes.
Now she was regretting that. When Mr. Aizawa had come to check up on her he'd found her asleep on the sofa with a temperature of 39° degrees.
He didn't allow her to get up unless it was to change into different clothes or to go to the toilet. While Sasaki could fight on a sprained ankle and with a broken arm a fever was past her limit.
What she didn't understand was why he was staying. He cared about her, she knew that now but it would have been enough to tell her to stay at home and take it easy. He didn't have to go buy fever medicine or make her food. He didn't have to sit next to her or bring her books to read.
But he did. Sasaki stared at him in confusion. For some reason he always dumbfounded her.
She must have been staring for a while. Mr. Aizawa turned to her and lifted a questioning eyebrow.
"You want to ask me something?"
"I still don't really understand."
"Why I care about you?"
She could see the concern entering his expression again.
"Yes. I don't know. Maybe? It's just-"
Sasaki stopped herself. Her instincts were screaming at her to stop. If she continued her mission could go seriously wrong. He could find out about Mori and the mafia.
But she wanted to tell him. She wanted to know why.
"No one has ever cared for me. No one ever looked at me and saw a child."
Sasaki could feel herself start to ramble. She didn't care. She needed to get it all out.
"They only ever saw my ability, my strenghts and my potential, what I could give them, how they could use me. No one ever cared about me for just... me."
A choked sob left her mouth. She curled up around herself. But she continued. It felt good to to tell someone, to voice her inner most thoughts. Vulnerable but good.
"I'm not anyone's priority, I'm no one's first choice, no one worries about me."
She looked at him. Do you understand her eyes asked.
"Except you. For some reason you care and that's...thats's confusing. I don't know what to do with that. I can deal with anger and dissapointment and apathy but concern? What the fuck do I do with that?"
She had turned towards him with an almost accusing look.
He looked back. There was sadness and anger in his eyes that Sasaki couldn't help but analyze.
He shuffled closer to her so he could grab her shoulders with a comforting squeeze.
"You don't have to do anything, okay?"
Sasaki nodded. A sob threatened to escape and she curled into herself again.
He rubbed comforting circles on her shoulder blades.
"You're such a Problem child," he mumbled
"But you're my Problem Child," he continued louder ",That means you're my priority, okay?"
Instead of answering Sasaki leaned forward and pulled her arms around him. He returned the hug. In his thight and warm hold she felt safe. For the first time in 10 years she felt totally safe.
It wouldn't last her experience told her, I will be hurt again her rationality said, you're putting yourself in danger her instincts whispered. Sasaki shoved them to the back of her mind. Right now this was all she wanted to feel. She deserved to feel safe just this once.
After a while he pulled away.
"The soup should be ready by now. I will check on it and then we can eat."
"Yeah," she mumbled.
In the evening she was feeling better already. The soup had been nice even if it was made with a powederd mix.
When she was about to go back to her apartment he stopped her.
"You know that you can always talk to me when you need someone, okay? My door is always open to you wether you want to talk about your past or about the weather, I don't care."
"I will," she said. And she wished that she could. But she knew, no matter how deep she burried her rationality that she couldn't tell him. It would put him in danger and she didn't want that.
"And not just me. You classmates will be there for you too. Social connections are important and you don't have any besides me. I know teenagers can be annoying but they aren't bad."
"The ones that are left in any case," he said under his breath.
"Just please try and form some connections with them. You don't have to marry them. Just try to get along."
"I will," she repeated. This time she meant it. She couldn't tell Aizawa about her past, about the mafia and about her mission but she could befriend her classmates, she could take better care of herself, she could try. For him she could try.
Somehow his dissapointment had become worse than anything that Mori had to offer. Somehow death had become her worst fear again.
This time his gaze felt warm on her back. Just like his hugs.
Sasaki smiled.