Hello darlings! I hope you've had a nice week 3 Today´s chapter will be more domestic than political, but the political aspect won't be abandoned, fear not! I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 6

The snow was gathered in tiny piles against the window pane, and it kept blowing and swirling by. It was going to be a deep-snow winter that Katherine found herself praying wouldn't last long.

Tamlin was sitting at the piano, trying to play something under Allie´s guidance. He had a good ear for music, and she remembered Kiril telling her that he played an instrument, but she couldn't recall which. She hated to admit it, but there was a part of her that would miss that once he left, he filled up space, an impressive amount of it at that, and she had gotten used to his voice echoing on the wooden walls and the little things he was always doing in the house.

One morning she had woken up and he had already made tea, often he would just announce that he was going to hunt and make them dinner that day, or she would walk into the greenhouse and the plants would already be cared for, and she tried to return the favours by putting more cream on his porridge or making the food in the way he seemed to like it better. It seemed like he was everywhere, and she didn't dislike him for it. She was going to miss him in a way when he left.

"A little more weight." Allie instructed, patiently "Let your arm be a little heavier."

Tamlin shook a strand of hair from his face and tried again. Soon, his hair would be so long that he would sit on it, but it wasn't her place to be questioning the High Lord´s hairstyle choices, even if he was always battling that inconvenient cascade of gold.

Allie would miss him very dearly. Kiril had been madly loyal to his land and lord, but Allie had grown attached to the faerie, that quiet-spoken male that was capable of obliterating The Alliance and everything they had fought so hard for, but instead was content to try to learn how to play the piano, or spend the evening reading a love story by the fire. He wasn't all bad, really. A piss-poor High Lord, but a decent faerie.

If only he hadn't cost her so much.

She pushed her book away. The longer he lived with them the harder it became to keep that grudge. If she had never met him, she would be glad to hate him for all her days, but now everything was muddled. Could she hate the High Lord and like Tamlin? The High Lord had made the decision that killed Kiril, but Tamlin had fussed over her like a new mother when she sprained her ankle.

If only she knew that he understood what his actions had caused.

Katherine got up and left for the kitchen, where she could still hear their noise, Tamlin playing and Allie instructing. Peaceful and easy, just an ordinary household with a cherished guest. It would be so much easier if she could just let go. She rolled her wedding ring, much better fitted since Tamlin had started hunting for their meals. The High Lord had made her almost go hungry, but Tamlin made their crops grow fast and strong, and was always bringing them some game from the woods for dinner. It was almost impossible for her to reconcile that it was the same faerie.

What would Grandpa Titian have to say to that?

Let go, Katarina. It's not worth it.

She shook her head. It was her own mind, searching for he easier course of action. Grandpa Titian would have stayed loyal.

Tamlin stopped to gather his courage at the doorway to the kitchen. Allie had asked him to go fetch her mother for a game of cards, and he almost told her to do it herself. Katherine was in one of her moods again, when everything would be fine and then she would frown and leave to be alone, and Tamlin feared that he would say or do something wrong and bring back the disdain she had for him in the first days of him living with them.

"Katherine?"

She was sipping at something and looking out of the window at the snow that swirled against the dark skies. When she turned to him there was no contempt but only sadness in her eyes.

"Yes?"

"Allie… asked me to call you for a game of cards."

Katherine nodded and turned back from the window.

"Are you well?" Maybe he shouldn't have asked. She usually kept to herself, and he didn't want to be nosy, but if there was anything he could do to help…

"I'm fine." The smile didn't reach her eyes, it didn't even make dimples on her cheeks, but he thought it was better not to insist.

The game itself was simple, but it relied on quickness and he was mercilessly massacred by the two females.

"Tamlin, are you dozing off?" Katherine huffed a laughter.

"It's not fair, you have more practice." He defended, taking another point.

"I bet you're overjoyed to not be the last for once." Allie teased Katherine.

"I knew there had to be someone slower than me." She agreed, drawing another card.

The rush of the game had brought her back from her sadness.

"I think Tamlin is still quicker than Aunt Maggie." Allie encouraged.

"You'll see, once I get a hold of this." Tamlin mumbled, trying to think if any of his cards would be any good, but Allie was way quicker and added one of hers to the pile.

"I think Maggie may finally meet someone she can beat."

Allie perked up at that.

"She may! You can glamour yourself, can't you, Tamlin?"

Couldn't he? He was the best glamourer in the whole world´s ass.

"Of course. What for?"

Allie looked at him as if he had asked whether water was wet.

"So you can meet everyone!"

He tried to catch a glimpse of Katherine´s reaction from the corner of his eye. That was never on the plans, the idea was that he would stay until Allie no longer needed him and then go live in the woods and luckily die for his court in battle. But Allie, cunning little fox of a child that she was, was making provisions for him to stay longer.

He could stay longer, couldn't he? He liked their company, and it didn't have to change his plans, only postpone them. But Katherine wouldn't like that in the slightest. He risked a glance at her.

"We're going to need a name for you." She cocked her head, analysing him "And a story. You can be a cousin."

He hadn't noticed the tension until it left his shoulders. She had given him her blessing to stay.

"I'm curious, what are the boundaries of our gift?" Allie put down the cards, focusing on him.

Tamlin scoffed.

"Boundaries? Kid, I'm the High Lord. Former High Lord." He corrected, but Allie didn't even care.

"Can you look like mum?"

Tamlin checked. Would Katherine take offence at that?

She took his hesitance as defeat.

"He can't, Allie. All talk."

He had the pleasure of seeing her eyes widen as he looked at her through what he knew were the same big amber eyes, his sight framed by thick black curls.

"Oh, mum, you would have been such a handsome male!" Allie teased.

"Impressive." Katherine sulked.

"And of course you are also invited to our Calanmai fire. Any friend of Kate is also our friend."

Tamlin smiled politely, sipping at his tea. They had settled on him being Katherine´s cousin, and he had glamoured his hair to a dirty blond, his face to a weather-beaten tan and darkened his eyes to hazel to play the part. It was clear now that he wouldn't be gone so soon, but that didn't grieve her as it would have once. In fact, she was glad of it. Between hunting and his gift with the plants, she would have him stay as long as he wanted to, and it would still be an advantageous deal for her.

And, truth be told, he was good company to have around the house.

"Thank you, Mrs. Wyatt, you are very kind, but I usually spend Calanmai in prayer and meditation."

Katherine took a long sip of her tea to hide that she was trying not to laugh. Unless Prayer and Meditation were the names of two females, she pretty much doubted it.

"I see." Marguerite seemed disappointed "Anyway, if you change your mind the invite stands."

"Allie and I are going to make the muffins." Katherine saved him from having to reply.

"Oh, great, I'd die for your muffins."

"I know." She smiled.

"Kate cooks divinely, is that a family thing?" Marguerite probed, trying to get Tamlin talking again.

He had gone back to his quieter demeanour, and Katherine figured that he wasn't always brooding, he was probably just shy around people he didn't know.

"Katherine has a special talent for it." Tamlin kept holding his teacup in both of his hands, as if he was trying to warm himself up, and Katherine got up to throw another log at the fire.

"By the Mother, Kate, you're trying to bring in summer in this room?" Marguerite complained, fanning herself with a pale hand.

"I'm chilled."

Marguerite rolled her hazel eyes with an overly dramatic sigh.

"It's the Day blood in her, Kate has never been able to handle a proper winter." She complained to Tamlin, and Katherine chuckled at that. Her Day blood was not to blame for that, even if it was to blame for much. She could still remember grandfather finding her in the terrace of the farm, looking out at the ship anchoring in the town port.

"Hunting tonight, Katarina?"

The memory made her smile.

"I have no passion for being cold." She defended, arranging the fire.

"I don't believe anyone has." Tamlin joined in, tentatively.

"Not you too." Marguerite mumbled in good humour "I thought you were from the Spring side of the family."

Katherine could see Marguerite had taken to Tamlin, even him being so quiet, it brought on her friendly disposition to get him comfortable and laughing. Allie had taken so much after that side of the family.

"Where are the girls?" She thought aloud.

"They are adults, Kate. They're probably on the bench in the back porch."

Katherine chuckled at that.

"I keep forgetting."

"Do you want me to go fetch them?" Tamlin asked.

"Just ask them if they want any more tea, Dan, please."

Tamlin nodded and got up, leaving the two of them there.

"He´s rather quiet, isn't he?" Marguerite leaned forward to whisper as soon as she heard the kitchen door close.

Katherine shrugged.

"He´s just shy."

"Old Duncan is going to love him." She approved, leaning back and sipping at her tea.

Katherine smiled, looking out of the window to the late-winter landscape. Marguerite was probably right, and she figured it would be good for Tamlin to have more people to talk to, besides just the two of them, when he had spent the last years roaming the woods all by himself.

Because of what he had done. She couldn't let herself forget that he was the one responsible for everything he was going through, and everything she had gone through. Allie may have let go, and Katherine was glad for her, but she wouldn't, not so easily.

"I swear you're better at this than anyone I know." Katherine breathed in the smell of mulled wine from her mug.

How pitiful that that was the first time a female had ever said that to him.

Tamlin bit his tongue. They were nowhere close enough for him to make that kind of jest around her, but Lucien would have rolled on the floor.

"I'm glad you like it."

"It's almost time!" Allie chirped, her arms full with the blankets for the night´s event.

They sat down on the swinging bench, Allie squeezed between him and Katherine, huddled in their blankets and with mugs of mulled wine to keep the cold at bay. The meteors would start in a few minutes.

"Are you comfortable? I can stand."

"Nonsense." Allie waved her hand in a perfect mirror of her mother.

From that spot they could see part of the fields rolling down to the treeline, the rest of them hidden by the woods closer to the cottage, all frozen and still, like a dream landscape, somewhere nothing evil could ever touch him, or the females huddled beside him on that swinging bench. It felt like that place didn't even exist. What if he had really died in the war, and the years roaming the woods were his purgatory and now this was finally rest?

A first meteor crossed the night sky. How lucky that it was such a clear night. The others came right after, scratching at the velvety blue background.

"Do you remember how Dad could never stay awake for it?" Allie´s lips were set in a sad smile.

She had had a father. Elliot had died in the war, that was all Allie had told him, that he had gone proud and fiery to his death, to protect his land and family.

Katherine chuckled.

"And then at breakfast he would ask us how did it all go. As if we could describe this." She gestured the meteor shower with her hand, the gold wedding ring, the only piece of jewellery she ever wore, catching a ghost of the faraway light.

That was the first time she ever mentioned Elliot in his presence, and her eyes withdrew to that sadness that usually accompanied her mood swings. He must have been a good husband, Tamlin knew from Allie that he had been a good father, and he was clearly missed there.

Tamlin hadn't died in the war. Heaven wouldn't hold so much sadness, so much heartbreak.

It was at times like these that he wished he knew the right words to make them feel better. Lucien would have said something clever, Feyre would have said something kind, but he had no way with words, and was more likely to sound stupid or offensive than to offer any comfort, so he did the only useful thing he could think of.

"I'm going to fetch us more wine."

Katherine handed him her mug, but Allie got up to her feet.

"I'm going with you."

He wanted to ask her to stay with her mother, but didn't dare say anything where Katherine might hear, and so the two of them walked back into the comfortably warm kitchen.

"I don't blame you." She said, as soon as the door was closed behind them.

"You should." It had been him that had invited Hybern in. He had his reasons for doing it back then, but it didn't clear him of the responsibility for the consequences.

"You overestimate your own importance in this." Allie kindled the stove once more to heat up the wine "It was a war, everyone fought, everyone lost someone."

"We lost more." Tamlin placed the mugs on the counter "And you know why that was."

"But I'm alive." She turned to him, leaning back on the counter and crossing her arms over her chest "And the Winter kids died. You kept us safe then."

It made Tamlin´s stomach turn to remember those days. The days when she had stolen his power, the days when she ruled by terror. He had had nightmares for years, of waking up in the deserted manor, neither Lucien nor Feyre in sight, and that feeling of dread that she had taken them, that she had somehow come back to take them and hurt them. That was one reason why he had quit the manor, because waking up from the nightmares to the very same landscape would end up driving him insane.

"That was before." He didn't want to remember.

What she had done to Lucien, what she had done to Feyre. He couldn't kill her enough for it.

"That was you."

Tamlin placed his hands over the pot to sense the heat that radiated and Allie leaned in closer.

"It wasn't all your fault. You did a lot wrong, but it wasn't all you."

Allie didn't understand. She had been a child when the war started, she was barely an adult now. She couldn't understand the weight he carried, of all the wrong decisions he had made.

She shook her head at him.

"Stop that. You did the best you could."

"The best I could was still horseshit." Tamlin mumbled, pouring the hot spiced wine for them.

"Could you know it back then?"

Could he know that his beloved, who had detested Rhysand from the first time they met, had willingly left to be with him? Could he know that Feyre, who could hardly read a cake recipe, had willingly and truthfully written that farewell letter? Could he have known that the helpless twenty-year-old human just turned faerie had willingly attached herself to the most powerful daemati in the world?

Because of what he had done to her. Because he had been too broken to grasp how much he was hurting her, even though he had told himself that it had to be done, she had to be protected, to be kept safe.

"If you were a male you'd have been a great lawyer, you can defend anyone."

Allie´s rippling laughter was like a balm.

"You're my friend, Tam. Don't be too hard on yourself."

It was the first time in a long while that someone called him that.

"It's good that you're staying with them! They needed a male in that house! Mother forbid, should anything happen. I keep telling Kate that, with Kiril gone..."

Tamlin, at first uncertain, had been dragged by Allie to the social events of late winter, and his quiet personality soon made him a big favourite of Old Duncan's, while Charle Wyatt seemed decidedly impressed by his tales of the army, leaving Allie, Daphne and Lilly free to gossip alone.

That sentence made him tense and shoot a quick sideways glance at Katherine. They had never talked about Kiril, and she didn't know how much he knew, or guessed, that her husband, and Allie´s father, had died fighting his war. It was fine enough that he had to be the male in their house, it was his fault that they had none other.

"We're very fortunate to have Dan staying with us." She tried to think of Tamlin, not the High Lord. She was fortunate to have Tamlin around, the High Lord she wanted dead.

"It's my luck, really, they've been very kind to receive me." He looked at her from under his long eyelashes, and she pretended not to see it, turning another card on the table.

"Oh, you're bleeding me dry." Elize complained, pushing another penny forward towards Marguerite before turning to Katherine "Are you going to Calanmai?"

"Pretty sure."

"Why wouldn't she?" Marguerite interjected. Even knowing how much Katherine loved her peace and quiet, Marguerite would certainly take it as a personal offence if she declined to attend any of her events.

"And Alanis?"

"Her too."

Elize turned another card, getting some of her coins back.

"Mind your girl."

Katherine frowned.

"Alanis is a good girl. Never gave me a moment of uneasiness."

Except for that one time when she hid the disgraced High Lord of their Court in the stables.

"If you say so. I still think you should find her a husband. Better safe than sorry."

Katherine wouldn't have minded if Allie took a lover, provided she didn't ruin her reputation or get into trouble, she wasn't a hypocrite and the Mother knew she had her handful of them before her parents could pack her off to marriage and an honourable life.

"Why that all of a sudden?" Marguerite defended.

"She's of age already." Elize shrugged.

Katherine wondered if that said anything about Lilly´s wedding. Marguerite would likely have more information on the matter, they had to gossip that later.

"I keep saying that girl should be wed." Old Duncan injected himself on the conversation.

"Perhaps in Summer." Katherine waved her hand.

"You don't even have to send her far from home." He raised his eyebrows at her "You know, young Charle-"

Mother´s petticoats, not again.

"We're cousins!" Charle Wyatt intervened.

"You are always making a big fuss about that. It's nothing!"

Tamlin rode in silence all the way home. After their talk with Old Duncan about hospitality and whatever, he had hardly said two words, even as he was relentlessly pestered by Charle Wyatt about army training and weapons. Katherine had no doubt the youngest Wyatt would soon be joining the guard, to bring honour to himself and to his father.

Had her son lived, he would probably have joined already. The thought made her heart tighten.

"I hope Old Duncan didn't bother Tamlin, he seems upset." Allie complained, walking into the house with Katherine as Tamlin went to the stables to make the horses comfortable.

"I think Old Duncan brought up something that he'd rather forget." She commented, sour. Tamlin had never acknowledged the wreck he had caused, at least not to her.

"Everybody makes mistakes." Allie defended, predictably "Old Duncan should mind his own affairs."

Most folk´s mistakes didn't cost hundreds of lives, but Katherine knew better than saying a word against Tamlin where Allie could hear.

Still, she could read it on her face.

"It's not easy for him. He thinks about it all the time, it's enough to drive anyone insane."

It hadn't been easy for them either, and she also thought about it every day when she woke up alone and insisted in wearing her wedding ring.

Allie hugged her and she was startled by the gesture. Her child had never been one for much touching, and Katherine realized that they were the same height already. She kept forgetting that her daughter was an adult now.

"He didn't know it would turn out like that." She insisted, and Katherine rubbed her back instinctively "We're innocent, mum, we did nothing wrong. He doesn't have that."

Because it was his fault. But she could see where Allie was going with it, Katherine didn't know if she would be able to live with the guilt Tamlin carried. It must be a dog´s life.

"You are your father´s daughter." Katherine teased.

"And you are grandpa Titian´s granddaughter."

Katherine could hear it, clear as if he had been standing right next to her.

Let go of that now, Katarina.

Could she?

That's it for today, loves! I hope you enjoyed the chapter, feel free to leave a review and let me know what you think! See you next week