Chapter 3: Most of all I'll miss you

Summary:

Everyone says their goodbyes to their favourite redhead.

Notes:

TW: talk of death. funeral

CW: Smut

Chapter Text

Regulus

Regulus Potter woke with a start. He did not recognise the room he was in. It took several seconds to remember he, Harry and James had spent the night in the three broomsticks. James' soft snores filled the room. Regulus looked over and saw Harry in his travel cot babbling to himself, he caught Regulus' eye and laughed. Regulus rolled his eyes at the one year old and lay back down beside James. James looked like a work of art even as he slept even with drool down his face, To Regulus James was everything. He really couldn't believe he married him, that James wanted to marry him even after everything, even though Regulus lay beside him bearing the dark mark. Of course Regulus eventually turned his back on Voldemort and it wasn't even his choice to join him in the first place, but once James found that mark he thought that was it forever.

Once he heard he'd married Lily Evans he was sure that was James' true destiny. Regulus couldn't deny Lily was an amazing woman and he wished he was even a fraction of what she was, then maybe he'd believe himself deserving of James. When he found out Lily was carrying Harry the news broke him but he was glad it came from Sirius. Sirius was there for Regulus until James left Lily, and after that he listened everytime to Regulus' guilty thoughts that really occupied his mind. Lily was pregnant with Harry and James had left her to be with Regulus without even discussing it with Regulus first. Without even letting Regulus know that he wanted to be with him. It was a messy time but now lying here on the day of Lily's funeral everything was about to get messier.

"Alright?" came Sirius' voice as he opened the door,

"James is sleeping," Regulus whispered,

"Yeah um I brought in funeral clothes for you both, people will be arriving soon, I'm gonna take Harry and get him ready," Sirius said walking over to Harry. Harry laughed widley, "Hey buddy," Sirius rasped, lifting Harry up. Harry held onto his hair, "Ah fuck," Sirius cried removing it. Sirius' eyes met Regulus' "Alright then I'll see you both downstairs,"

"See you Sirius," Regulus whispered, When the door shut he turned to James and started petting his hair. The sun wouldn't come up in the morning if James wasn't here simply because James was the sun he radiated, he shined, he was warm. There really wouldn't be any warmth in the world without James Potter.

"Where is Harry," he heard James croaked as Regulus was petting his hair, "I can't hear him,"

"Don't worry darling, Sirius has him," Regulus told him. With that James pulls Regulus into a tight hug and Regulus feels James' large boner digging into him and gets out a moan,

"Do you want to give it a stroke love?" James asks before kissing Regulus' neck. Regulus lets out a shrieking sound because merlin how he wants to feel James' cock in his hands however he says,

"Is now the right time?" James kisses all along Regulus' jaw. Regulus sighs deeply,

"May as well start the day on a high as it's only going to go down from here," James shrugged, licking Regulus' ear. When James removes his tongue from Regulus' ear Regulus starts kissing him. The kiss is heated from the start James is smiling into Regulus' mouth

and Regulus just bites down on James' lip, "Fuck Reggie," he breathes. Regulus makes a grab for James' cock and starts fondling it before taking off James' boxer to play with it properly. James starts to whimper the moment Regulus starts stroking his cock. Regulus grins and breaks the kiss to start licking James neck while James cries out, "Aww fuck you are my little prince, or should I say my little king," he laughs through his whimpers.

"Do you like when I touch you?" Regulus breathes,

"Yes Reggie, yes I do, your touch is golden, I love when you touch me baby," Regulus gives him a small peck on the lips. James whimpers grow louder as Regulus' hand continues to move up and down. "Aww you are doing so well baby," Regulus closes his eyes,

"You wouldn't believe how good your cock feels in my hand," he muttered. As his eyes flutter back open Regulus takes the first look at James' cock in weeks. He lets out a strangled cry at the sight of it. Regulus absolutely loves the size of it, he always has. Even back in Hogwarts, "You'll never leave me again will you?" Regulus presses as he kisses the side of James' head.

"I'll never leave you baby, I'll always be with you," James cries out as Regulus works his magic on him,

"It's me and you forever?" Regulus asks hopefully while stroking James, feeling precum gather at the top.

"Yes me and you forever baby, you are it for me, it's always been you Reg," what James says comes out strangled and Reg presses kisses on him while he moves up and down his length. Regulus plays with James' cock until he shoots cum all over the walls, "Fuck," James murmers. Regulus licked what he could of James' cum off the walls, "You are filthy," James muses. He sticks his cum filled tongue out at James who sucks some of the cum off the other mans tongue and they both swallow the cum in their mouths. They share a small kiss before dressing into the clothes Sirius left for them.

James waited until Regulus was finishing throwing up (the joys of pregnancy) before they headed down the stairs together. The coffin is in the middle of the room and everyone is gathered together. Remus set up the whole funeral. Remus got everything organised for the death of one of his closest friends. He'd mentioned that Lily's sister had refused to come. This is something that pained James deeply for Lily's parents were already gone. James walked over to give Mary a hug first and Regulus followed him. Mary's eyes are extremely puffy,

"She'd finally agreed to go on a date with me," Mary told James, "We were going to do it after your wedding," she spat the last word out like it was something vile, "James we were finally going to take our relationship beyond sex," with that she disolved into tears.

"It always was more than sex between you and Lily, Mary she just found it hard to open herself up that way because of me. I am sorry for that, you and Lily deserved to grow old and grey together," James told her. Regulus was just twiddling his wedding band as James comforted Mary. They then took Harry off Sirius and took seats as a ceremony started to take place. 'Witch of the willow' began by the famous witch Morgan Spellschild, Lily's

favourite magical singer. Sirius grabbed Regulus' hand, Lily meant a great deal to Sirius. It came the time for speeches James spoke first.

"Lily was a wonderful woman, I think we can all agree. She was really the only woman I was ever interested in, but in the end I found it better we be friends and co-parents, Lily was the best friend I could ask for and god most definitely hand picked her to be Harry's mother. She was kind to him, patient, she never complained about him keeping her awake. She also played with him and I mean really played, she would never care who was there or how silly it was she would play with him she would make him laugh and in turn him laughing would make her laugh and her laugh was one of my favourite sounds." he took a deep breath,

"It took some time but she agreed I could take Harry to my partner's flat for nights over, she trusted me and she put her trust in my amazing partner and I know given a bit more time they would have been the best of friends. Voldemort has robbed them both of that, he has also robbed Harry out of the perfect mother, I can only hope that when Harry's older he can fully appreciate what his mother done, Lily Evans you saved the wizarding world and you saved our sons life, I love you forever," Everyone clapped and then James took his seat next to Regulus, "The I love you was platonically," he whispered.

"I know," Regulus groaned. Sirius finally let go of Regulus' hand because it was his turn to speak.

"Lily you spent the majority of Hogwarts thinking me and my three best friends were nothing but arrogant gits, you were correct," that got a laugh from everyone but Regulus, "But you let us in eventually and we became your gits," Sirius smiled a teary smile, "You talked me down off so many ledges, you helped me overcome things about my past, you could drink me under the table to my dismay but of course you could cause you were Lily fucking Evans, you were a fucking rockstar.You meant a great deal to me and my Remus, I was honestly jealous of you and Remus to be honest if he wasn't completely gay he'd of married you and I would of had to deal with it. Until we meet again Lily, I'll be helping look after Harry for you until then. Thank you so much for letting me be his godfather. You were one in six billion," Sirius raises his glass as does everyone in the room apart from Regulus who wasn't drinking due to the baby

Mary was the last to speak. "I'll miss building forts for Harry with you, I'll miss you making me brownies, I'll miss you nursing me during my hangovers which you even did nine months pregnant because as Sirius mentioned you were a fucking rockstar. I'll miss the freckles across your nose, I'll miss your pillow thighs that I fell asleep on everytime we watched something that I was less than interested in. I'll miss the fact that you were unapologetic about the fact you had curves and a belly. I'll miss mornings with you and Harry with egg and soldiers and I'll miss our hot chocolate nights but most off I'll miss you Lily. I'll really fucking miss you." James started crying as Mary stopped speaking Regulus rubbed James' back and let him cry as much as he wanted.

It was then time for James, Mary, Sirius, Remus, Frank and Alice to portkey with the coffin to the graveyard in Godric's Hollow. James went through everyone who came to the ceremony and thanked them for coming. Hagrid was howling,

"Lily Evans, a nicer woman you'd never find anywhere," he sobbed while McGonagall petted him. Regulus took Harry from James. As everyone left via the portkey of floo Regulus was standing alone holding a babbling Harry wondering how it would be like when the child he was carrying arrived into the picture. He wonders how James will cope given the circumstances. He shudders at the thought. Of course all this happens when he is finally pregnant with James Potter's baby, well of course there was the time he was pregnant with Atlantis but Regulus does not like to think about how that turned out.

Regulus coughs and calls Kreacher, Kreacher appears with a crack.

"The locket Kreacher, the locket I ordered you to destroy where is it,"

"Mistress Black cries out for Master Regulus to return home, she is ever so lonely since Master Orion died. Kreacher must not listen to the commands of Master Regulus until he comes back home," Kreacher shrieks. Regulus sighs,

"I really need that locket Kreacher, please,"

"If Master Regulus will not come home Kreacher is not giving him the Locket. No Kreacher is going to throw it away!" Kreacher cried out, "In the alleyway outside after I go and fetch it," he said in a more hushed tone. With a loud crack Kreacher is gone. Harry begins to cry Regulus who is carrying Harry ignores his cries and sets out to the alleyway to retrieve the locket.

James

James stood at the plot with everyone by his side. He couldn't believe this was happening, Lily Evans was gone forever and now she was going to be put underground where Harry was never going to get to see her face or shining eyes again. James looked at his group of friends as they all looked like the sun would never rise again. Alice gave James' hand a little squeeze as a tear escaped her eyes before she returned to Frank's side..

"Thank you for being here everyone," James croaked and they all nodded and patted him on the back.

"Of course James, nothing would have kept us from being by your side at a time like this, and for ourselves as well, she meant a great deal to all of us" He answered and his sad smile turned into a small line and he turned to the wizard in front of them who was just about finished with the words before lowering the coffin. James hadn't been listening, all of this felt like a bad dream or a really bad prank that would end with Lily popping out of the wooden box in front of him and her and Sirius would be bent over in laughter as James raged at them. James knew this was not the case, that joke would be too much even for Sirius, but a part of him wished just a little that it was just that… a joke.

"And now we will lower the coffin below to the sound of Mary McDonald singing Ain't no sunshine when she's gone " The Wizard spoke and stood back away from her grave as they all crowded around it. Mary's voice was loud and sombre as she sang.

" Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, It's not warm when she's away" Suddenly James watched as lily's coffin began to lower, it seemed like it was moving as slow as humanly possible, as if this had to be the longest minute in his life he watch the mother of his second child disappear. Mary had chosen this song, by Bill Withers, to sing for Lily, she said it was the only song that truly explained how losing her had made her feel. The only song that let the world know that Lily was the only warmth that she had ever needed or craved. James' heart was aching for her worse than it was breaking for the rest of them. She had always loved Lily, even when Lily and James ended up married she made sure that she always wanted to be as close to Lily as possible, she never wanted to lose her, she couldn't live without her in her life in some form. Today truly showed James that.

" Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, Only darkness every day.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

And this house just ain't no home

Anytime she goes away" Mary continued to sing as we all stood silently crying. Their hearts empty as she left them to go into the ground where she could never make anyone feel looked after again. Sirius had his head nuzzled into Remus' neck, whose eyes were filled with water. Frank and Alice just stared in front of them holding each other tightly as they watched her go deeper into the ground. Mary's voice was breaking as she tried to finish the song before she finally just softly said.

"I'm sorry I can't" before she stopped and walked over to Alice who pulled her in close after letting go of Frank. They all just watched her, their hearts reaching out to her, wanting to sooth her pain in some way. Wanting all of their own pain to be soothed as well.

"I think we should all allow ourselves to say one thing we loved about Lily, just so she can hear how much she was loved on the other side," James said gently to everyone as he threw a rose in on top of Lily before giving me a little nudge. Sirius and the others nodded their heads while wiping their tears on their sleeves.

"Ahem," James began clearing his throat, "Lily there is so much I could say but I'm sure everyone wants their chance to speak as well," James tried to joke and everyone gave soft laughs in response, "But I just want to say that I love how even after everything and how I felt you when I did you were never anything more than understanding. Even know you were angry with me, you listen made me aware that you wanted me to be happy no matter who it might have been with… even after a little screaming match, you have always been able to see me Lily Evans and for that I will always love you," his voice croaked and Lupin gave him a little smile as Sirius placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Lily Evans I loved that even for a girl," Sirius started.

"Hey!" Alice and Mary cried from behind.

"Even for a girl I think you might have been the only other person that could have one upped me in reference to pranks and by fuck…" Sirius tried to continue.

"Sirius you can't curse at a funeral," Remus scowled at him and Sirius' hands jumped to his mouth as we all chuckled sadly.

"Sorry …Shit.. I mean anyway I'm gonna finish before I say something else I'm not suppose to - Lily Evans you were a ball of energy all in your own right," He said softly and held his hand out for Remus to take it when he did and began running his fingers on his hand.

"Lily it's me Remus and I'll make this quick as Sirius can't seem to be serious for more than five minutes… Lily you were a force to be reckoned with… a storm of your own that no matter what no one could have dulled your light," Remus said softly and looked back now at Frank and Alice who moved closer to the edge.

"Lily you were one of my best friend's and no matter what you always will be, You were the first person I told when I had that one pregnancy scare in school, which in retrospect I was being a bit dramatic about but still you stood by and held my hand as we waited for that potion and not once did you ever make me feel stupid for being scared," She laughed and Frank rubbed her shoulder, "I loved how I could go to you about anything and never felt like I needed to over explain you were just always there…." Alice trailed off and hid her face in Frank's shoulder as she began weeping again.

"Evan's there won't ever be a redhead like you again," Franks began and petted at Alice's hair, "You were a fiery one and that made you, unapologetically you," he finished and nodded at James who tried to smile back. Mary stood at the head of Lily's grave and looked down into it, all of the gang's roses had fallen neatly on top of her coffin.

"Lily my love…" She paused and took a deep breath, "I waited forever for you and even though we didn't get the time we deserved together, every minute we had was like heaven to me. Exactly like I had imagined it to be. You made me warm and comfortable and loved and protected and no one can ever take that from me, they can't take my memories or our love. You will forever be in my heart until the day it spots beating Lily Evans." She finished and began sobbing. Sirius beckoned her over to us and we all stood huddled together crying on each other.

Finally Mary breaks the circle and wipes her eyes.

"She wouldn't want us just standing round crying, she would want us to celebrate her," She said softly her voice was hoarse as she pulled out a bottle of fire whiskey from her bag and sat down at the edge of her grave. Opening the lid and pouring a tiny amount on top of her coffin. James and the rest joined her on the grass, all placed perfectly around Lily's grave as they looked at one another, each taking a sip from the bottle in memory of Lily.

"I can't believe she's really gone," James said sadly and his eyes met Mary's who tried to smile.

"I know… I remember the first time we properly kissed," She started, "I'll save that forever," she added and Alice squeezed her shoulder, "I mean first time proper as in we were both sober of course," She laughed and we joined her as the bottle continued to make its way round the group, "It was February nineteen-eighty one this year, Lily was wearing a blonde wig and glasses cause you know you guys were in hididng," She began and we all listened as she spoke, "It was Valentine's month obviously and we were just out in Hogsmeade there was hearts and everything everywhere, I wasn't feeling particularly in the mood for the shit but Lily had made me come with her," She laughed and gulped down the Whiskey, "We had Ice-cream and lots of sweets and then we had decided to just nip into a little restaurant for something proper to eat. The place was lit dimly to 'set the mood'" she said in quotations, "and the waiter had pegged us as a couple so we were getting a discount so we played along and then suddenly I was laughing at one of her jokes and had turned to face her and her lips…" She trailed off and placed her finger on her lips, she was lost in the memory, "They were on mine and it was like … everything in the world stopped for us ya know?" She finished and we all nodded, smiling at her.

"I'm sorry you had to lose her Mary," James said gently and she smiled at him.

"Some things burn out too quickly," She answered.

"But at least you got her in school too" James laughed and the group began to laugh lightly.

"These two? they keep their hands off each other in Hogwarts either, honestly it's a mystery how she ended up marrying James in the first place… maybe out of pity?" Sirius blurted out and everyone erupted into laughter.

"I mean everyone kisses in school.. Well I suppose me and Lily always snogged each other's faces off more than just kissed," she laughed, " But Lily and I had always just blamed being drunk, but I always knew it was something more … for me" Mary replied and her hand was still on her lips. She pulled her hand down and smiled at James.

"You always were the apple of her eye Mary.. I was just a headache," James laughed.

"More like a constant thorn in her side you mean," Sirius laughed and took a mouthful of the drink and handed it to Lupin who just shook his head.

"Hey she did agree to marry me!" James jumped in.

"I think that was only to stop you annoying her," Sirius nipped back and James threw his hands up in the air.

"We have a child together, Sirius," James joked.

"Again I think that might have been a matter of you wearing her down," He replied and Lupin gave him a little slap on the back of his head.

"Sirius, don't make it sound like a crime." He snapped and drank from the bottle handing it to Alice who was bent over laughing.

"I'm just making observation Lupin I mine the both of them ended up gay was it really a matter of wanting to or having to?" He questioned with a laugh and Lupin rolled his eyes, defeated, "In any matter, we would never change our Harry for anything wouldn't we not " Sirius cooed at James in a baby voice.

"Can I hold him when I get back?" Mary asked James. James looked at her sadly and nodded "He has her eyes… at least we will all have her eyes for as long as Harry does," She smiled at James who nodded once again at her.

"It's like we are all disappearing," Alice cried, "I mean the last time something like this had happened we had all just enjoyed celebrating Marlene and Dorcas' engagement party," She continued and Sirius started to chuckle.

"That was some party all right I think it took us all about a week to come round after that," He smiled and took the bottle from Frank's hand.

"Yeah Alice and Frank disappeared in to the cupboard for a little bit of alone time and ended up falling asleep together basically naked," James chirpied in and everyone giggled.

"I always put on a show," She sniffled and Frank handed her a tissue.

"Things used to be easier," James said sadly and looked round his ever growing smaller group of friends.

"They were so excited to get married," Mary said softly, "and then we go the news that Marleens whole family had been…" she trailed off but everyone knew what she was saying mentaly, "Only a month before the wedding," she said softly. The bottle was quickly emptying between the group and it might have been the grief or the lack of food but they were all feeling it a little.

"No one really heard from Dorcas for a long time after that… the odd owl here and there," James said sadly.

"Yeah she went rogue killing and torturing deatheaters," Alice answered, "She went alone, she was being reckless and then he caught her himself and …" it was Alices turn to trail off now as her and Mary held each other in a hug.

"Yeah another one gone by his hands," James said, he could feel himself getting angry. How could any of them ever feel safe during all that? In a world like this where unknown to the rest other than Remus and Sirius, Voldmort could return again. James wanted this over, he couldn't lose another friend.

"I think I'm going to pay them a visit while we are here, " Sirius said softly, standing up and stretching.

"Yeah I'll come with you, I've been meaning to visit," Lupin said, jumping up and dusting himself down.

"I'll come as well," Mary added, "The walk will do me good," She finished as the three of them took off to visit their lost friend's grave.

"Don't you two want to go?" James asked Alice and Frank and Alice shook her head at him.

"We'll stay here with you and keep you company, yeah?" She stated more than asked and James smiled at them.

"I can't imagine how hard this is for you and Harry James," Frank said in a solem voice. James looked at him and took a drink from the bottle.

"Harry doesn't even have a clue what is going on, he's going to be waiting for her to come back," James says softly and his voice catches in his throat. It was going to be up to James to explain how brave his mother was for him when Harry is older, to make sure he knows how much she loved him.

"Our hearts are all hurting for you truly James, an attack on your son and losing his mother on the same night, that has to take a lot out of someone," Alice said gently, taking the bottle and having a sip.

"Yeah to say it was a shock is an understatement," James answered, "I was just enjoying myself all the while…" James stopped himself and shook his head.

"No one could have known this was going to happen James mate, but you have to be strong for Harry right now" Frank said in a concerned tone.

"It was the happiest day of my life and then that dark evil… I'm choosing not to get angry Lily wouldn't want this, not now," James swallowed down anger and tried to hide it from his face.

"At least he didn't take Harry from you as well James," Alice cooed and James suddenly just wanted to talk about something else, anything else in the world. His brain was running a marathon when he pictured Regulus back in their room with Harry.

"You know Regulus had just told me that same night we were having a baby," James said shyly and his heart fluttered saying it out loud. Alice's hands flew up to her face and Frank smiled at him, "A little girl" James finished and Alice didn't move from her position.

"Congratulations James, mate really!" Frank said, patting him on the back. Alice's face looked like thunder once she removed her hands.

"James! Harry will have a little sister!" Frank laughed.

"Yeah, yeah everything has been falling into place… but don't tell anyone yet please, we haven't officially announced it yet," James suddenly said, panicked. Alice and Frank nodded in understanding of what he asked, Alice's face never changing from her disappointed look. James for the first time that day let a smile creep on to his own face, a little daughter would be perfect.

"We are really excited about the baby, Regulus and me, that is," James smiled and Frank matched him with his own.

"A new baby is always a reason to be happy," He said and took the bottle that Alice now had a vice grip on. Alice didn't speak, she didn't move to hug or congratulate James and the tension in the air could have been cut with a knife.

"Maybe we should go find the other," James said nervously as he stood up, Alice's eyes following him. Frank nodded and followed suit as did Alice but James had never been so lucky that looks couldn't kill.

As James, Alice and Frank began to move away from the grave suddenly James caught a familiar creeping figure making its way towards Lily's grave. He spun round on his feet and his rage filled him up instantly there he stood as if butter wouldn't melt. Severus Snape. James could feel his feet suddenly wanting to take back off in the direction of Lily's grave. He wanted to beat the shit out of Snape as he stood there. James tried to swallow his anger, even after he found out that Snape was on Dumbledore's side and he was the reason they knew they needed to hide, he still never liked him after how he had treated Lily when she didn't want to be his friend anymore. James couldn't take it when suddenly, he wanted to allow him his moment but he also didn't want him near her grave and he couldn't shake his childish anger from him. Alice caught him by the arm and continued to pull him forward.

"Just you worry about making sure Regulus comes to talk to me about the Deatheaters soon, yeah?" She questioned and James head snapped round to face her.

"Actually we have something we need to do first, we all do but I'll … I'll get Reg to send a letter with all the names of the Deatheaters ok?" James questioned and again Alice looked disappointed at him, but James didn't care, this was important, "But I need you to promise me nothing will happen to Reg for the past things he's done," James voice was strong now as he spoke, this was his job to protect him.

"For the sake of you and your baby nothing will happen to him," Alice says, matching James' tone.

"Thank you," James breathed out and they made their way to the rest of the group.

After finding the rest of their group and saying their teary eyed goodbyes for today James apparates back to the three broomsticks. James couldn't wait to see Reg and Harry again. All of that had been hell without them by his side and he just wanted to hold them close and never let go. James made his way into the room where Regulus was trying to soothe a crying Harry. Their eyes met and James smiled at Reg who tried to return the smile but the sound of Harry's cries distracted him. James made his way quickly over to Harry and pulled him from Regulus' arms. Regulus for a moment looked relieved. James cooed and smiled at Harry who within minutes his cries had become babbles and giggles. Reguls just watched them as James began playing hold Harry in the air in his arms pretending he was an aeroplane and making the sounds as he spun him round and left and right. Harry giggled loudly as James did this. James could listen to those giggles forever and soon there would be another set of giggles for him to fall in love with. James then made his way over to Harry's little cot and laid him down on his back in it blowing raspberries on his tummy. Harry erupted into laughter as James continued to do it. Harry pulled at James' hair and squealed with laughter. Once James had given Harry his dummy he walked back over to Regulus and kissed him lightly on the lips, placing his hand on his stomach and one on his face, rubbing them both tenderly as he stared into Regulus' eyes.

"I can't wait till all this is over so the four of us can be one big happy family," James smiled as he continued to rub Reg's stomach and face and watched as Regulus' brow frowned before he just looked away from James, leaving him to wonder what he had said wrong.