A/N: Yep, another Subspace Emissary fanmake (for those who haven't, check out my first, (and as of this writing only) completed fanfic, the Shadow Realm Emissary, which replaces the cast of Nintendo characters with anime characters, that I wrote back when Brawl was new.)
This time, instead of Nintendo characters, the cast will all hail from games and IPs created by Nintendo's former second party developer, Rare. Yes, including the characters from the Xbox era. Which also means a few characters are remaining the same.
Oh yeah, and the title of the fic comes from a certain mode from a certain Rare game. In fact, you can think of this fic as an alternate retelling of the events of that mode in that game, just with characters from all across Rare's games instead of just the cast of that specific game. With all that being said, you can probably guess who Tabuu is going to be.
So without further ado…
Shadow Lords Emissary
Chapter 1: It Is Time. Begin The Invasion!
By: Lu-Gi-Oh
In this world, trophies fight.
They know nothing but fighting. Fighting is the sole reason for their existence.
Being turned into a trophy, being unable to fight, is much like death.
Those are the rules of this world.
None of the inhabitants of this world ever questioned the rules of this world, as it was all they ever knew. Especially not on this day, as the masses the world over looked forward to the bout taking place in the Midair Stadium. Filled to capacity with spectators, the crowd cheered wildly in anticipation for the upcoming match.
Among the stands skipping about in place was a hyperactive young brown bear with blue eyes and blonde hair in pigtails, wearing a red shirt with a yellow star on it and purple stirrup pants. Her name was Tooty.
Standing next to her was the pale white-skinned corpse of a Japanese teenager with long black hair covering most of her face, wearing a tattered reddish pink kimono patterned with white flowers and wielding a naginata with a red ribbon tied around the blade. This onryō's name was Hisako. Peculiarly, no one in the audience found her presence there strange at all.
"So Hisako, taking time out of stalking Ultratech to watch my big brother kick butt today?" Tooty asked.
Hisako turned her tilted head to face the bear. "I must admit that even I'm curious as to the capabilities of the warriors of this era. However, given his opponent's reputation, I wouldn't so readily count on a victory for your brother. It's just a shame that Jago senpai couldn't participate today."
She sighed dreamily, completely oblivious to Tooty's perturbed expression. "Wait, dude is like 30. Isn't he too old for her? Or, is she waaaay too old for him?" Tooty thought to herself.
(A/N: I wouldn't normally do this, but it's the only way to make another scene later make sense.)
In the arena, a sentient microphone with blue eyes, a mustache, and a tuxedo hopped to the stadium's center.
"Layyydies and gentlemen! Welcome to today's main event! And you're in for a real treat, folks! Today, we have two beloved icons from Rare's heyday duking it out for the first time! But who will come out on top? You're about to find out!" the microphone announced.
"Introducing the bear and bird duo, fresh from their Smash invite, I present to you, Banjo & Kazooie!"
A trophy was thrown into the arena. As it came to a rest on the ground, the trophy's stand illuminated a bright light that traveled up to the top of the trophy's head before dissipating. As the light faded, the trophy came to life, revitalizing a brown bear with blue eyes wearing yellow shorts, a shark tooth necklace, and a blue backpack with a red-orange bird with green eyes resting inside of it.
"Bree!" Kazooie yelled.
"Guh-huh!" Banjo greeted the audience.
"Glad we'll be taking that plumber boy's spotlight in this fanfic, unlike the one where we're his evil minions," said Kazooie.
"And their opponent, the Carrington Institute's top agent, with a flawless mission record, I bring you, Joanna Dark!"
Another trophy was thrown into the other side of the arena, and, while still in midair, its stand also brightened before a light ascended up the body, bringing the trophy to life as they landed. Emerging out of her suspended animation was a 23-year-old woman with a slim athletic build and short dark auburn hair, wearing a blue and black uniform with shiny white leggings, the standardized attire of Carrington Institute agents. Her right hand held a Falcon 2, a standard-issue pistol that served as Joanna's signature weapon of choice.
(A/N: Just a fun fact that I forgot about until I started writing this, but Perfect Dark actually takes places in the year 2023. And since the game came out in 2000, this means that, as I'm writing this, Joanna is 23-years-old both in-universe and out of universe.)
"So decided to be brunette and British again?" Kazooie asked Joanna mockingly.
"What I decided is how much I'm going to enjoy wiping the floor with you guys," Joanna retaliated.
Joanna cocked her gun while Banjo and Kazooie steeled themselves for a battle.
"Get ready!" the microphone called out to the combatants. "GO!"
Meanwhile, in a mystical place nested high among the clouds called the Enchanted Kingdom, a lone spectator observed the ongoing match through a magical fountain in the royal palace. She was an elf with pointed ears, fairy-like wings on her back, and black hair with a long single braid, wearing a green crop top, miniskirt, and forearm sleeve on her right arm, along with a gold pendant with a red jewel around her neck.
"This match is getting me fired up!" Kameo yelled excitedly, pumping her fists into the air. "If only I had permission to go down to the land below, I could join them and show them what I'm made of!"
Banjo and Joanna's brawl eventually segued into a shootout, with Banjo holding Kazooie like a gun. The fighters strafed around the battlefield, trying to avoid their opponent's fire, and though Joanna got a few shots in, a direct hit with a Grenade Egg sent her to the ground, seeing red. As she collapsed onto the ground, she reverted back to her trophy form. However, Banjo merely tapped her stand with his paw, completely revitalizing her.
Joanna got on her feet and looked around in, mystified. "I can't believe I just lost."
Banjo held out a paw in front of him. "You put up a pretty good fight, Joanna. Really had us on our toes for a second or two."
"Uh, yeah, sure she did," Kazooie nodded sarcastically.
"Kazooie," Banjo said sternly.
"Ok, fine. You did alright," Kazooie backpedaled.
The crowd went wild as Banjo and Joanna shook hands to commemorate the battle's conclusion. Joanna waved to the audience while Banjo marched in place and bowed twice, capping off the end of a spectacular event...until a rumbling caught the fighters' attention.
The clear blue sky was swallowed by dark red clouds, accompanied by a huge biomechanical spaceship vaguely shaped like an insect ascending over the stadium. "What's going on? Is this part of the show?" Banjo asked nervously.
"I don't think so, Banjo. I've got a bad feeling about this," Kazooie said unsettlingly.
Joanna's eyes widened and her mouth hung open, nearly dropping her gun at the sight of the ship. "I can't believe it! It's the Cetan ship! It's an ancient alien superweapon the Skedar were after. But Dr. Caroll sacrificed his life to destroy it. What's it doing here now?"
A hatch opened underneath the ship as it passed over the stadium, releasing purple pores of darkness into the arena. As the Shadow Bugs landed, they lumped together to form human silhouettes made up of shadowy-blue fog with faces resembling traditional Japanese oni masks with two horns on their foreheads.
"We are the heralds of the Shadow Lords Army. We are here to send this world to the Astral Plane, for we are Omens for what's to come," the shadowy figures stated.
Joanna pointed her gun at the intruders. "Well you guys picked the wrong world to mess with!"
"Yeah! We're not scared of those ugly masks that probably hide even uglier faces!" Kazooie added.
"Hold on, Banjo! We'll help too!" Tooty yelled from the stands.
Tooty ran down the stairs in front of her, with Hisako creepily keeping up with her by crawling on all fours. Hisako pushed herself into the air and seemingly glitched out of reality before reappearing right behind Banjo and Joanna. Tooty jumped from the bottom and the stairs and landed beside Hisako.
"Tooty, what're you doing!? You need to evacuate, now!" said Banjo.
"Hey, I didn't make it easy for Gruntilda when she nabbed me, so don't think I'm just a defenseless damsel-in-distress. And besides, you still owe me an adventure," Tooty countered.
"Fine! Just don't get kidnapped again," said Kazooie.
"I will eviscerate every last one of you for terrorizing these innocent bystanders!" Hisako directed towards the Omens.
The quintet fought there way through the surrounding mob of Omens. Banjo clawed and Kazooie rapidly pecked any approaching Omen, with the breegull spitting eggs at any who kept their distance. Joanna downed a number of them with headshots from her Falcon 2, pistol whipping any that got too close to her. Tooty scratched and bit the Omens, even beating some of them with her piccolo. Hisako savagely slashed the remaining Omens with her naginata, occasionally possessing one and contorting their limbs in unnatural ways.
Without too much trouble, the group decimated an entire squadron of thirty Omens, but a humming noise alerted them to another approaching adversary. The Ancient Minister, a mysterious figure completely concealed in green robes, aside from his beady black eyes visible under his hood, descended toward the arena riding on a floating platform. Suspended underneath the platform was a round object etched with a large red 'X'.
Joanna quickly drew her weapon. "Identity yourself, now!" she demanded cautiously.
"Are you suppose to be the big boss around here?" Kazooie asked. "Because if you surrender now, we may go easy on you."
"I won't," said Hisako.
"Well, Hisako won't," Kazooie amended.
The Ancient Minister said nothing, merely dropping the round object to the ground. Emerging from behind the object came two human-sized Ant Drones that looked nothing like ants, instead resembling two crudely drawn fat men with mustaches and noodle limbs wearing black bowler hats and red underpants. Both Mr. Pants Drones inserted their hands into the empty slots on each side of the object, splitting it open to reveal a timer set at three minutes counting down.
"IT'S A BOMB!" the heroes gasped in unison.
The Ancient Minister gave a nod to the Mr. Pants Drones and hovered back to the Cetan.
As the countdown continued, Joanna frantically dug through her inventory, searching for a way to disarm the bomb. "Damn! Left my Data Uplink at the Institute! Maybe the ECM Mine will work!"
"Don't worry, Banjo and I got this! We'll just freeze it with Ice Eggs!" Kazooie reassured Joanna as she Talon-Trotted towards the bomb.
"Wait, Kazooie! Stop!" Banjo warned her, as he saw someone huge and familiar drop into the stadium behind them. The impact kicked up a cloud of dust, obscuring the newcomer from view.
As Kazooie relinquished motor control back to Banjo, she started to ask, "Banjo, what's wro…", but was cut off mid-sentence by a yellow laser speeding out of the cloud of dust, hitting her and Banjo so hard that it sent them flying over the horizon.
"Guh-oh, Woooaaaaah!" Banjo screamed before he and Kazooie became a twinkle in the sky.
"Banjo!" Joanna yelled in concern before hearing metal clanging behind her. She spun around, shocked to see both Tooty and Hisako in cages dangling in the hands of a giant yellow-eyed pig with a crazed expression, a nose ring and sweeping gray hairs behind his ears shaped like horns. He wore a red kufi hat, a magenta outfit, and a purple cape.
Tooty screamed in a panic, whereas Hisako constantly flickered like a bad TV screen, trying to teleport out of the cage in vain. "This pig! He's magically sealed me in this cage!" Hisako complained.
"Well lookie here! The early pig catches the worms!" said WizPig.
Joanna pointed her gun threateningly at WizPig's head. "Let them go, now!"
WizPig laughed and clashed both cages together. "You can't beat me!"
WizPig swung Tooty's cage at Joanna with his left hand, but Joanna skillfully strafed to avoid the blow while simultaneously shooting and slightly damaging the bars on Tooty's cage. Joanna tried switching to a stronger weapon, but was struck with Hisako's cage by WizPig's other hand, seemingly knocking her Laptop Gun out of her grasp. Despite this, Joanna smirked mischievously as WizPig fixated on her, leaping high in an attempt at stomping her. WizPig narrowly missed, and the Laptop Gun activated its secondary function, deploying its sentry mode and lobbying both WizPig's right side and Hisako's cage with gunfire. The space pig batted and destroyed the Laptop Gun with Hisako's cage while Joanna opened fire on his head with an AR34 assault rifle.
"No! No! No!" WizPig whined, stamping his foot and throwing a tantrum. He turned his back to Joanna and faded away in a bright light.
"What? No! Where'd he go!? I have to rescue the others!" Joanna exclaimed, frantically looking around the battlefield.
WizPig reappeared directly above Joanna and crashed down hard on her. "Ha, ha! Now you're just a worm beneath my hooves, as you should be!"
As Joanna struggled to get up through the pain, she gritted her teeth and glared at WizPig. "Alright, you asked for it! I'm achin' for some bacon!" She pulled out a FarSight XR-20, a light blue railgun of alien origin.
WizPig magically erected three pillars of pure rock between himself and Joanna. "I'd like to see you shoot me now with that little peashoot…" Joanna pulled the trigger, and the shot went through the rock pillars like a knife through butter, barely nicking WizPig in the right shoulder but still taking him out in one hit. "Nooooo! That wasn't meant to happen!" WizPig squealed as he collapsed and exploded.
Hisako's cage broke, and she and Joanna jumped to safety away from the explosion. As they wheeled around, they saw someone else land into the stadium from the sky; a fat crocodile with a golden belly plate and a bloodshot left eye wearing golden wristbands, a red cape, and a large crown. He held an unwieldy bulky weapon vaguely shaped like a dragon's head called a Dark Cannon.
"King K. Rool, what are you doing here?" Joanna asked in an accusatory tone.
"Oh, I'm just here to collect. Trophy collect, that is. And both of you are in my crosshairs," said K. Rool, pointing the Dark Cannon towards them.
K. Rool heard groaning coming from behind him. He turned his head to see Tooty weakly crawling out of her cage.
"Then again…" K. Rool took aim at the vulnerable bear, charging up the Dark Cannon. "...you remind me of that mangy monkey that shot my toes, so I think I'll start with you!"
"Tooty!" Hisako yelled.
"Get out of there, now!" Joanna warned her.
But it was too late. The Dark Cannon fired a black arrow, piercing Tooty in the chest and reverting her back to her trophy form. K. Rool heaved the trophy over his shoulder and laughed.
"Looks like going after each other's nemeses was a good idea after all. That witch better be doing her part in taking care of Donkey Kong and his pathetic friends," K. Rool said before leaving the stadium in a single bound.
"I'll have your head for this, reptile!" Hisako screeched, giving chase. Joanna followed suite until she noticed from the corner of her eye…
"Oh no, we forgot about the bomb!"
And only seconds remained on the timer. 5...4...3...2...1…
The bomb released a sphere of darkness, engulfing the Midair Stadium and everyone still inside it. Piloting a HoverBike, Joanna propelled herself out of the stadium just in time, with Hisako riding pillion.
"Banjo...Tooty...all of those people," Joanna lamented, knowing that the audience couldn't evacuate in such a short amount of time. "I should've beat WizPig quicker so I could focus on the bomb."
Hisako placed a reassuring hand on Joanna's shoulder. "It's not your fault. It's theirs! And they will pay with their lives!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.
This declaration didn't make Joanna feel any better. In fact, she felt, as the Omens claimed, that these events were only the beginning of a much bigger conflict underway.