A/N

Cross-posted on AO3

First few chapters are written to be unclear on purpose. I wanted to illustrate the real emotions and often chaotic thought processes during and after a traumatic event.

The parallels drawn between these fictional events and real events are also intentional.

Later chapters are more clear and narrative driven but may revert to the style of these early chapters to emphasize the emotions being portrayed. As I have experience with PTSD, generalized anxiety, and bipolar disorders I feel my interpretations are accurate.

This will be my one trigger warning for this story. Death, traumatic events, mental disorders, mentions of suicidal ideations (past), depictions of violence, possible graphic depictions of violence.

Despite all the doom and gloom, I and therefore my character have a great sense of humor and a lot of resilience. It's an upward climb, slow going but achievable.

I'm not British.

A thanks to John for beta reading and making sense of my scribbles on paper enough to type this thing.

A thanks to Maymay for creating the art used in the cover-art.

I've read enough self-insert fics that ended up being pure wish fulfillment. I would never wish for this.

MC is based heavily on myself. This story is being used as a medium to express real emotions within fictional events. Some characters are based on friends or family. Any names of real people have been changed for privacy, excluding my name. It really is Alexis, but I haven't and won't be using my real last name.

I'll answer any review I receive.

And lastly, thank you for reading.

Chapter One - The Dream?

I'm flying.

We have all had this dream before. Below me is a paved street lined with small trees all of the same size, methodically spaced in between each driveway. Behind the perfectly cut front lawns were brick houses. I was flying lower than I usually did in these dreams. I couldn't see the other side of the slanted roofs. It was late, but not yet dark. The sun still clung to the horizon. Though it was nearly gone, the orange hue of the sky would give way to darkness soon. As if on cue, a street lamp flickered to life.

I found my attention drifting to the item being illuminated by the light. A bag? I willed my dream self closer. A bookbag like the ones I used to use for school. It was navy blue in color with a golden snitch pin on its strap. Its zipper wasn't entirely closing it up. Peaking out of the small gap in the bag was the end of a stick.

I wanted to get closer still, but before I could, the perfect street was marred by the sound of a street lamp exploding. A loud pop preceded the death of the lamp. Then another. Pop pop. Out of nowhere three people now stood beneath the now useless pole, the bag forgotten at their feet.

"Dammit" Just out of my view a voice cursed. Turning my attention around I saw a girl peeking her head around the side of a house.

My dream-self was quickly drawn to the girl's side. I felt a sudden connection to this girl like an invisible rope was tethering me to her. She didn't react to my sudden arrival.

Next to her was another child, a boy, smaller and younger.

"Tracy, who are they?", cried the boy.

"Shhh", she interjected, bringing her hand up to cover his mouth. It was too late though. They heard him.

Thoomp Thoomp

The three people took off at a run towards the children.

Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp

It was like I could hear the girl's heartbeat.

She grabbed the boy's wrists and yelled, "Run!".

Half dragging the boy behind her, they ran into the backyard. Skipping over stones and fallen branches, they crossed the yard, then turned sharply down the other side of the house. Behind them, a beam of light struck the corner of the house where the boy had just been.

Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp

Another light. This one hitting its mark. The boy let out a gasp as he fell. His wrist slipped from her grasp.

"Now now, I just want to play with you." One of the men reached down and picked the boy up by one arm.

"This one's so weak.", he said as if complaining that a little kid wouldn't be a match.

Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp

The other two trained their wands on the girl who had stopped running the moment the boy went down.

"Let my brother go! It's me you want. Right?"

Her legs refused to support her anymore as she pleaded and she fell to her knees.

"I'm the muggle-born. He's just a muggle."

From the angle I was floating, I couldn't see the girl's face, yet I knew she was crying. The man holding the boy flung him away, as if flicking a bug off of him. He landed a few feet from the girl. No sound escaped his lips. He must have been unconscious.

Small mercies, I thought.

Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp

"Avada Kedavra!", he belted out, laughing as the spell struck the boy.

Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp

"Mike!!! Noo!" She cried for her brother who now laid dead a few feet from her.

Her brother's murderer grabbed her by the hair and dragged her back into the backyard.

Where is everyone?

As if to answer my thought, the backdoor was flung open. A woman appeared in the doorway, her hands coming up to her face when she saw the men, one of which was still holding the girl by her hair. "Confringo!" Another flash of light, and part of the building exploded. Debris pelted the woman and would have hit the men too, but instead it passed through a translucent dome, dissolving into sand.

The woman had fallen to the ground. Blood was pouring out from lacerations, a piece of wood lodged in her side.

Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp

Please be unconscious, I thought. Not dead. Not dead...

My dream had quickly morphed into this nightmare. Perhaps that fanfiction I read before bed had supplied my brain with these images. I did read an ungodly amount of Harry Potter fanfiction. Out of all the magical dreams I could have had, I ended up with this horrible backseat view to a gruesome attack. I couldn't even do anything. They couldn't see me, and I couldn't seem to shift my perspective. I was tied to this girl, Tracy, and the sound of her heart.

Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp