Chapter Three - Not Tracy

I remember bits and pieces: the ground being pulled away from me, a hand being pressed to my side, a soft voice, liquid running down my throat, a feeling of warmth spreading to my fingertips and toes, a sudden squeezing feeling like I was being shoved through a pipe. And then the rustling of people, being gently laid down, more warmth.

Some time later, I remember waking up. I tried to push myself up, but I was stopped by a hand that gently pushed me back. A sudden fear made me more lucid, and I pushed back harder.

"Shh. It's ok. You're safe now. Sleep." I felt a lightness in my body and fell back asleep.

The next time I regained consciousness, I was much more alert and oddly calm.

A hand was placed behind my back. My back was lifted up a bit, and a pillow was added. When the hand laid me back, I was sitting up slightly.

A petite woman shifted fully into my vision. She wore a long, dark green, almost black dress with a white apron over it. She had light hair tucked loosely behind her ears. Her face was soft, her smile gentle.

"You can hear me, yes?", she asked. I nodded. Where was I? I had been dreaming. If I've woken up, why wasn't I at home? What happened to me?

"Do you know where you are?"

"No.", I tried to reply, but my voice was hoarse. The sound I made didn't form the word as I wanted. As if she understood my problem, she slowly moved off into my peripheral again, and I moved my neck to follow her. My neck felt stiff, but I managed this. From a table beside me, she picked up an empty cup. Her other hand reached under her apron. A pocket? She pulled out a stick. No, a wand?

"Aguamenti", she said, pointing the stick's tip just over the rim of the cup. Yeah, definitely a wand. I must still be dreaming. I had to be.

She placed the cup up to my lips and helped me take a sip. The coolness traveled down my throat, and I felt like I could try to speak again.

"Where am I?"

"You're in Saint Mungo's", she replied. "I'm Healer Melony Renfrew. Do you know who you are?"

Who am I? My brain supplied a name. "Alexis…" I paused, unable to remember fully. "Santos?" I was sure that wasn't it, but I made no attempt to correct myself.

"You don't seem sure." Melony raised her eyebrow. Again she came closer with the cup of water, this time depositing it in my hands. I gripped the cup and shakily brought it to my lips. Slowly I tipped it, allowing water to trickle through. Out of energy, I dropped the cup back down to my lap. Some of the water sloshed out. I felt embarrassed being so weak.

Melony stepped back again. "I was told your name is Tracy Miller."

Thoomp Thoomp

Tracy… That name…

Suddenly I lurched forward, the cup forgotten. It spilled out as I placed my arms to my sides, bracing them as I tried to get up.

Healer Melony also rushed forward to stop me. With one hand she reached behind my back. She put the other over my shoulder as she tried to lead me back. The hand on my shoulder still clutched her wand, and seeing it so close to me only made me panic more.

"Take it slow. You've experienced a great trauma."

I'm not Tracy. That didn't happen to me. I wanted to believe that. Not me… Why did my heart still beat fast?

Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp

I stopped struggling and allowed Melony to lay me back. I felt a tear slide down my cheek.

"It's ok. You're safe.", she said.

I am safe, I thought. Not Tracy.

I've been to enough hospitals to know that if I'm not calm, I'll be put to sleep. So I stayed calm. I took a few deep breaths like I had been taught to do. After a moment I decided I could try this again.

"What happened?"

Melony's smile started to falter. "I should let the aurors explain. They will probably be in shortly to speak with you. I don't know the details myself. You were brought to us. A survivor of an attack in a muggle neighborhood. We were able to heal your injuries. However, we won't know if there's any lasting damage for some time." She trailed off her answer, sounding detached. A moment passed, and she added in a much softer tone, "It's over now. You're ok." Melony struggled to lift her lips into that soft, kind smile again.

After several moments of silence, she spoke up. "I'm going to tell them you're awake." Melony turned and disappeared behind the curtain.

I forgot the cup laying next to me and the water seeping into the blanket. My mind was too occupied trying to make sense of what was going on. What did I know? I began to make a list in my head.

I was dreaming about Tracy.

Tracy died.

Magic killed her.

I felt her pain.

At the end I felt like I was her.

I'm in Saint Mungo's.

They think I'm Tracy.

Not Tracy. Not Tracy.

I'm in Tracy's body, I decided. She's gone, but now I'm her. Am I still dreaming? I must be… Magic isn't real. This place wasn't real. What happened to Tracy wasn't real…

"Hello Miss Miller." A man's voice brought me out of my contemplations.

A man was standing at the foot of my bed. He had long, brown hair tied back. When he turned to let Melony pass him, I could see it was braided down his back. His face wasn't kind like Melony's. His features were sharp, his expression rigid. I might have been more intimidated if not for the sunken posture. His eyes looked tired, and I could see stubble on his chin. I was still weary of him.

Sensing my trepidation, he took his hands out of his pockets and folded them neatly in front of him. I looked down at them and then up at his face again.

"Hello… Sir?"

He glanced over to Melony who was now picking up the forgotten cup. With a gentle wave of her wand, the dampness was gone. Melony said nothing. She simply gave me a brief small smile, then brushed past the tall man on her way out.

"I'm Auror Devin Williams. I'm here to ascertain what you remember from four nights ago."

So it's been four days. It took me four days even with magic to get to this point.

"I don't remember much.", I lied. I remembered. I didn't want to remember.

"What do you remember?", He inquired. Williams looked at me with a calculating gaze. I found myself wishing Melony would return.

"Running." The image of Tracy dragging Mike behind her as they ran flashed before my eyes.

"Falling." Tracy sank to her knees as she pleaded for Mike to be spared.

"Dieing." The killing curse hitting Mike. Tracy's face staring up at the sky.

Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp

"Any details?", Williams inquired further.

The image of Tracy's face still occupied my thoughts: the sweat on her forehead, the golden brown lock of hair draped over her nose, the thin scar on her chin, that horrible pained expression, her blue eyes staring lifeless, trickles of blood mixing with tears and leaving pink lines running down her face. Details? I will never forget that.

"I'm sorry, Miss. I know you don't want to talk, but I need you to answer. Please tell me what you remember."

I lowered my head and chose to look at my hands instead of his cold indifferent face. It definitely wasn't him who found me. He wasn't the owner of that soft voice I had heard.

"Do you know who attacked you?"

"Probably Death Eaters.", I mumbled.

I heard the man move. I snapped my attention back up when I felt my bed move suddenly. Williams had his hands on the bar on the foot of the bed. He let out a loud audible sigh.

"Not you too.", He said, annoyed. "First Harry Potter claims You-Know-Who killed Diggory in the Final Task. Now you say Death Eaters killed your family."

I was shocked by the revelation. I knew Mike… I saw it happen. But family… I found myself suddenly mourning this family I didn't know I had.

I sobbed, "Who…"

"Your mother and brother were found near you. Your father is missing, presumed dead."

"All gone…" I began to cry louder. My breath got caught in my throat. I felt my hands begin to shake as I clutched the clothes I was wearing.

Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp

Williams was still speaking, but I couldn't hear him. Not Tracy, not Tracy, I told myself. Not me.

"I'm not Tracy. Not Tracy, not my family!", I yelled as if screaming it to the heavens would fix all this. "Wake up!"

I heard people rushing in. Melony's familiar voice was close, trying to soothe me. I heard the sound of shattering glass, and the light went out. Another voice called out something about a potion.

I was still muttering, "Not Tracy, not Tracy." as I was laid flat on my back and a bottle was brought to my lips.

Not Tracy, not Tracy.