Chapter Four - Alexis

After several more times waking up in the same place, I finally relented to the idea that I wasn't dreaming. This place was real. However, I refused to accept that I was Tracy. And so every time I woke up, Melony or another healer would come in, remind me where I was, and then ask me my name. I'd reply with "Not Tracy". I was stubborn that way.

Some of the people here got annoyed by my response and would leave as I'd laugh. Melony however would stay and talk. She would ask me about who I thought I was, who my parents were, where I went to school, etc. She was surprised when I said I didn't go to school, that I was 25 years old, and didn't even live with my parents anymore.

I knew she was probably only talking about this with me to see how far my dissociation went, but she never made me feel crazy or delusional. She genuinely cared about my life.

One day I overheard one of them talking about a mind healer. I wasn't sure if mind healers would be able to read my mind or if that was just fanfiction. I wasn't going to take the chance. I ducked out of my curtained-off area when no one was looking and hid.

It was Melony who found me huddled behind an unused bed several corridors from the one I had been in.

"So, Not Tracy, why did you run off?" She had begun to refer to me like this after I started giving that as my name and laughing.

"Does it matter!?", I quipped at her. My thoughts were racing with all the horrible things that could result if anyone read my mind, some of which were plausible, most unlikely at best. All the fanfics I've read gave me a million reasons why not to let anyone near my mind and only a handful of reasons why it would be ok.

Melony sighed as she slipped down to the floor with me. She adjusted her now seated position. I took this to mean, 'I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, so I might as well make myself comfortable.'

"I'm afraid of the mind healer.", I finally admitted. Melony looked almost relieved. To me this was a big thing, but to her it was easily remedied. I had always understood myself very well. I knew I often overcomplicated things and that my strong reactions were disproportionate to the situation. I recognized that running away from what was essentially this world's version of a therapist was an overreaction. Thinking about it now, maybe I was wrong about the whole mind reader thing. Maybe mind healers were just therapists. No legitimacy needed. Hmmm…

"Is he going to read my mind?", I asked.

"In a way, yes.", she admitted.

Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp

Nevermind, I thought. Overreaction justified. I'm screwed.

"But," Melony must have seen the panic building again as my mind screamed with danger alarms.

"But, they are bound by confidentiality agreements. He wouldn't be able to tell anyone what he sees or what you tell him. His job is to help you sort through your memories and emotions and to help you process and live with what's happened."

That sounded a lot like the definition of a therapist from my world. I felt a little better. I didn't want a new therapist. If anything, I wished Melony could just call herself my mind healer and be done with it. She already reminded me of my therapist back home. She understood my sense of humor and was patient with me.

"Can't you just be my mind healer?"

Melony looked taken aback by the question. I saw her eyes drift up as she thought. She's probably going to let me down easy and is thinking of a way to say it.

"I'm not certified.", she replied, actually sounding disappointed. "And I'm not very good with the mind arts. I could hurt you by trying."

"Then don't use the mind arts.", I interjected. "Just talk to me like we have been."

Melony lifted up her hand to stop my interruption. "We have already tried that. I've been talking to you for about a week. You've dissociated yourself from reality. Understandably, your mind is attempting to protect you. You've convinced yourself that you're not Tracy. It has made up Alexis to explain it." She looked like telling me this hurt her.

"I'm the only one you'll talk to, so we thought if I talked we could figure out how to convince you of your identity so you could begin to heal in a healthy way."

Melony was wrong. I wasn't delusional. I knew what happened to Tracy and accepted it. Despite this, I now recognized how this must look to them.

"You were just getting worse. This new persona was getting more detailed. You talked about how your mother passed away from a muggle disease and how your father moved far away." I began to draw a parallel between Tracy's life and mine. In Tracy's world, her mother was dead, and her father was missing. "We are afraid you've developed what the muggles call a dissociative identity. You Alexis are that new identity. Tracy created it subconsciously to shield herself. Unfortunately, at this stage I no longer feel I'm qualified to help with your complex emotional state."

I ruminated on her words. I'm certain if I went on like this I'd be moved to a different ward, perhaps a more permanent ward. I'd have to stay while they tried to fix what they believed to be a serious mental affliction.

I felt kinda bad for laughing at the other healers. To be honest, I didn't like them. They treated me like I was crazy. At least Melony treated me like I was normal.

Alright, I thought. I can't stay here. I had some experience in convincing doctors of my sanity. I took a breath.

"You'ld make a great mind healer, Melony." I smiled at her. "I have a confession. I lied to auror Williams. I remember everything that happened to me."

Melony looked skeptical. She had assumed that I didn't remember much. "I'll listen if you want to tell me."

"OK. But could you relay it to Williams? I really don't want to go over it with him." I didn't want to go over it at all, but I knew this would be the fastest way to get myself released. At least it was with Melony. I really, really didn't like Williams.

Melony smiled a bit brighter. "I'll have to record it then, if that's alright." She stood up and held her hand out to me. "Let's go talk somewhere more comfortable." She rolled one of her shoulders to emphasize her point.

I grabbed her hand and let her pull me up. "Lead the way."