Chapter Eight - A Spark

I woke up back in my cot, feeling numb. All the intense emotions from the day left me drained. "She's supposed to be dead.", he had said. He was right. I wasn't tracy. I couldn't live in a world where people could hurt you without touching you. Where a wizard who wanted to kill you only needed to utter two words. I didn't want to be tossed in the middle of a society who's conflicts basically boiled down to a race war. Tracy was an unlucky muggle-born who died. She should be dead. I shouldn't be here masquerading around in her body. I felt sickened by the thought. Why hadn't I realized earlier?

Not Tracy. I wasn't Tracy. I couldn't be her.

It was later when Melony realized I was awake. I had begun to count the spots of plaster on the ceiling. I had counted 223 so far when Melony interrupted me.

"I'm relieved you're okay.", she said. I wasn't okay. I thought she had understood that not all scars were surface level. Hearing her speak those words felt dismissive. Melony carried on with how she should have realized that Williams was fake and how sorry she was for not fighting harder. I barely heard her.

224, 225, 226…

Melony finally realized I wasn't listening. "I'll try again tomorrow, Tracy." I really wished they wouldn't call me that. Tracy was a witch. I was a nobody who used to think being reborn into the wizarding world of Harry Potter would be cool. Why would I have ever wished for this?

259, 260, 261, 262, 263…

I fell asleep counting.

I was dreaming. I knew I was dreaming because I was hovering. Only I wasn't watching Tracy this time. I was watching myself, or at least what used to be myself. I had long, dark brown hair that was lighter at the bottom from old dye jobs. The clothes I wore were loose fitting, ideal for just hanging around the house. I was in my kitchen holding a box at eye level in one hand and a spoon in the other. My heartbeat tattoo on my left wrist was the only thing that stood out against my pale skin. I watched myself cooking with a sense of longing. The mundane act of preparing a meal looked inviting. One pot started to boil over. The other sputtered, sending out spots of red sauce to stain the stove. It was unusual that I'd be making tomato sauce for my pasta. I always kept a couple cans on hand, but I was lazy and always just opted for a butter sauce instead.

If I go home now, I'll make the tomato sauce, I promised. Predictably, my silent declaration did nothing. And so I just watched as I stumbled around the kitchen.

Before I could watch myself eat the meal I cooked, I woke up to the sensation of a hand on my arm. I opened my eyes to find another woman hovering over me. She had curly light brown hair that had begun turning gray in some places. Smile lines on her eyes and cheeks made her face feel bright and inviting. She didn't wear a healer's uniform or even a witch's robe. She wore instead a brightly colored shirt with a sweatshirt zipped up halfway.

"Sorry if I woke you, love. I've been so worried. When I couldn't get ahold of you, I popped by your home only to find it empty. When I went to the police, they wouldn't tell me anything useful…" She trailed off as if she wanted to say more but stopped herself. "Anyway, it took quite some time until I got in touch with the right people…" She trailed off again. I got the sense that she was censoring what she said. "I never knew you were a witch." She spoke the last part barely above a whisper. "That's so cool."

This woman knew Tracy and her family. She looked for them and found me somehow in this hospital. I had so many questions I wanted to ask, but for now only one thing mattered to me. I had assumed all of Tracy's loved ones were gone, but now Tracy wasn't alone anymore. I wasn't alone anymore. I felt the spark of hope ignite in me once more.

The woman never introduced herself. Why would she? To her, I already knew her. Tears started to well up in my eyes. "I'm sorry I never told you.", I finally spoke. I sat myself up and made room for her on my cot. I patted the empty space, and she took a seat.

"Mrs. Renfrew said you were catatonic. I was afraid of what I'd find in here. I'm glad to see you're alright…", she started.

"I'm not alright.", I cried. "Why is everyone saying that?" The wellspring of tears that had been gathering burst all at once.

The woman put her arm around me and pulled me into her embrace. I rested my head on her chest and clutched at her shirt with my hand. "I know, I know, sweetheart. It's okay. I've got you now.", she whispered softly as she gently ran her hand through my hair. We didn't say anything else. We just sat there with me in her arms. In this moment with my eyes closed, I felt like I was home. I felt loved and safe.

I don't know how long it was, but at some point one of the healers stepped inside my little sanctuary. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but visiting hours have been over for a while now. You can come back tomorrow.", he assured.

The woman gave me a final tight squeeze and released me. I instantly felt cold and vulnerable, like I was drifting in the sea surrounded by sharks.

"Stay strong. I'll be back the second they let me in." She followed the healer out.

"You're Mrs. Sally Johnson, right?", he started to ask.

"Yes, that's me.", she confirmed.

"You'll need to extend your…" His voice got too far away to hear the rest.

Sally Johnson, I repeated in my head. Her name sounded nice.

I fell asleep that night missing the warmth of her embrace.

I had made the unfortunate mistake of forgetting to take my dreamless sleep potion. I was having a nice dream. Sally was holding me in her arms again. Her soft bosom offered a comfortable place to rest my head. We were on a wooden raft, drifting in the open sea. Sally's gentle rocking swayed the raft, letting sea water slosh over the logs, soaking our bottoms and legs in cold, salty water. A steady trickle of tears made its way down my face, either from sadness or the salty spray from the ocean.

I didn't mind the location. I felt safe and content. It was for this reason that my nice, peaceful dream turned into a nightmare. Sally suddenly stopped rocking. I lifted my head and looked up in confusion. Sally's bright smile had fallen into a disappointed scowl.

"You're not my Tracy.", she said. Angrily she shoved me into the water. I tried to hold onto the raft, but she pried my fingers off one by one. The raft drifted away as I treaded water. I felt heavy, and I struggled to stay afloat. Looking around me, I wasn't alone anymore. Faceless people appeared in every direction. They swarmed all around, getting closer and closer. Then they were on top of me. Hands shoved my head under the water and held me down. My arms flailed and grasped desperately at air above me. Feet kicked at me, and my lungs filled with seawater.

I managed to force my head to the surface and take a breath of air. I heard a chorus of people chanting, "Kill the imposter! Kill the imposter!", until I was shoved down once again. My throat and lungs stung from the salt, my eyes raw. My body screamed for oxygen. Drowning took forever.

I woke up and sucked in my lungs' max capacity. My chest still ached, and my eyes stung.