Chapter Nine - Face the World

It was midday when I finally got some good news. I had spent the morning trying to forget the awful nightmare I had. My fear and anxiety surrounding the inhabitation of Tracy's body had come to a plateau. It was for this reason that the good news was beyond what I could have hoped for. I was going home with Sally tomorrow. The ease with which my attacker was able to waltz in here and spirit me away had convinced the staff and auror Williams that I was safer with Sally. I was finally going to be normal again. Sure, nothing about my situation was actually my idea of normal, but I could pretend. And giving myself an illusion of stability was one of my greatest strengths.

Additionally, I was going to Hogwarts. I only had a little over a week until I was expected to board the train at King's Cross with the rest of the school age magical children of Britain. I wasn't nearly as excited as I thought I'd be. In fact, the revelation had nearly entirely canceled out the good news. I'd be going to magical classes and doing magical homework with magical friends in a magical school with, you guessed it, magic. Magic had become the issue. I had developed a fear of magic. I no longer felt wonder at the thought. I instead felt a tightening in my chest, an alarm bell ringing in my head. I wondered if going would be too much to handle.

But after reflecting on my old life, I realized I had a lot of experience living with anxiety and fear of the world. Something as simple as going to a supermarket was frightening, but I'd still clutch my hands to my chest and carry on. I could do this too. Couldn't I?

The image of the faceless people drowning me resurfaced in my mind. I shoved it back down and replaced it with the feeling of warmth that Sally's embrace gave.

I asked Melony if she could still see me. I was disappointed to find out it wasn't likely. House visits weren't going to be a thing. If I wanted to continue treatment, I'd need to hire a private mind healer. I nodded, already knowing this wasn't an option for me. No confidentiality agreement would convince me that it would be safe to let anyone near my memories.

Melony asked me if I was willing to talk to Williams before I left tomorrow. She assured me no one would let him take me out, and so I didn't need to fear a repeat of the Polyjuice incident. I reluctantly agreed. I wanted to thank him for saving me, and I wanted to ask him about the investigation.

My day concluded with a lot to look forward to and a lot to worry about. Sally didn't end up coming in to visit. It's okay, I thought. I'll get to go home with her tomorrow.

I had a feeling that I wouldn't have access to dreamless sleep potions when I went home, so I decided it was time I stopped taking it. The nightmare that plagued me had been horrifying, but it was nothing I haven't dealt with before. I went to bed with a feeling of pride for my bravery.

As luck would have it, I didn't have a nightmare. Well, it could be argued that the dream I had could be considered a nightmare. It depends on how one feels about the act of cutting or shaving their hair.

I was hovering above, watching myself again. This time I was in my bathroom facing the mirror. In my hand I had a razor, the kind a man might use to trim his beard. My hair had been parted perfectly down the middle. One side was tied up in a pigtail. The other side hung loosely over my shoulder. The buzzing of the razor gave me an idea of what was coming, but it was still alarming. To my utter shock, I saw myself shaving my head. Row after row, bit by bit, the hair on one side fell away. During a pass up against my ear, I felt a sudden sting on my earlobe. A dot of blood could be seen in the same spot.

When the razor shut off and was placed on the sink counter, I could hardly recognise myself. Half of my hair was gone.

I used to cut my hair in times when I wanted to look as broken as I felt, but it was always sloppy and done haphazardly on purpose. This haircut was a style choice.

When I woke up, I replayed the dream in my mind in an effort to remember. Most of the time when people dream, they forget mere moments after waking up. Some people even think that they don't dream because of this. A lot of my dreams and even some of my nightmares are like this. I forget them. The dream I had last night wasn't like this at all. Neither was the one about watching myself cooking pasta. I didn't have any trouble recalling these dreams. They were clear and detailed. It was a lot like the dream with Tracy that preceded my arrival in this world. It makes me wonder if I was watching myself at all. My behavior in these dreams had been unusual. What if the real Tracy was now in my body just as I'm in hers? If that's the case, is our connection one way, or can she see me too?

I thought about how I might go about proving my theory during breakfast. After breakfast, Williams arrived for our meeting with Melony in tow.

"Nice to see you again, miss Miller." Williams looked a lot more haggard today. The stubble on his chin had grown into an uneven array of tiny whiskers. His robe was wrinkled, and his previously neat braid was now a little stringy. Didn't they have magic for that? One of the healers had tamed my rat's nest yesterday. Williams didn't seem to care. "I'm sorry for putting you to sleep. I needed to get you in here quickly so I could deal with the unconscious clone of myself on the pavement."

Melony conjured up two chairs and took a seat. Williams stayed standing.

"When I called for backup, they actually bound me too until the Polyjuice wore off the other guy…" Williams trailed off. I used this pause to speak up.

"Did he have the mark?", I asked.

Williams sighed. "No, he didn't, but he all but confessed to being one of your attackers when I dueled him. He's in Azkaban now."

Should be dead.

"That's … ahh good. One down, two to go." I chuckled nervously. "Thank you for saving me. I was useless." I lowered my head to my lap.

Williams' lips curved up slightly. "Don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't have your wand. That reminds me." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wand. I flinched. "This one is yours. The rest of your stuff is with your new guardian, Mrs Johnson. I thought you'd want this back sooner." Slowly he held it out to me. I felt drawn to it.

I took hold of my wand. A warm tingling sensation made its way through my hand and up my arm. I wonder if I …

"Lumos." A light ignited at the tip. All the anxiety I had over wondering if I was actually a witch or not melted away. I could feel my cheeks stretching from smiling. "Nox." The light went out.

"Good thing you did that while you were here. The trace office isn't messing around lately." I laid my wand in my lap, hovering my hands protectively in front of it.

Williams wasted no time getting back on topic. "I'm afraid the good news ends there. Your father has turned up." A pit began to form in my stomach. "It happened the same day that I was coming to see you. I'm very sorry. He was found dead in an abandoned factory building, recently by the looks of it."

Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp

I had already accepted the guy was gone the moment I was told he was missing, but the news still formed a stone in my throat. It's like when a loved one is terminally ill and then they die. It's expected, but when it happens, it still hurts all the same.

"That's why you referred to Sally as my guardian. There's no one else left." I nearly choked on my words. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't do that right now. I needed to know more. The guy who got caught knew I was supposed to be dead, so odds are the other two pose a threat as well.

"What's the plan for finding the remaining two attackers?", I inquired, praying for a confirmation that there was a plan, that they wouldn't get away with it.

Williams' frown deepened. "The department doesn't have the resources to try tracking them down without a more detailed description…"

Thoomp Thoomp Thoomp

"Details? I gave you all the details!", I half screamed.

Williams didn't bat an eye at my disruption. "I'm sorry. Without seeing their faces, there isn't much we can do except attempt to keep you safe." Williams turned to Melony. "Can I speak to you in private?" He said to me, "You can send an owl if you have any issues. It was nice to see you again."

I half heartedly waved goodbye. Williams and Melony left to talk about me alone, probably. Damn it, I forgot to ask about how the details of my testimony could have made it out. The imposter used the details of my missing wand as an excuse to take me.

It wasn't a long wait until Sally picked me up. She brought me a change of clothes, and I practically stumbled over myself in my haste to put them on. As soon as the last arm went through the sleeve, I practically skipped out of the hospital with Sally.

Off to face the world, I thought.