DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own 9-1-1 or any of its characters. I do NOT gain any profit from this fan-fiction. It is strictly for my entertainment and anyone who enjoys reading it. Title is from Prisoner by Miley Cyrus. Spanish translated by Google.
WARNING: This story may feature same-sex couples. If this offends, you do not have to read. Alternate Universe. Coma-AU. Medical Inaccuracies. Coma Married Buddie. Emotionally Hurt!Buck. Soft!Eddie. Hurt/Comfort with some Angst. Loss…but is it though? Getting Together. Ambiguous/Open Ending.
BETA READER: None, so there will be some mistakes that I miss.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I really wanted to write Coma!Buck and this happened. I hurt myself with this one. I could have expanded more on the coma dream, but I didn't. Now that I stop and actually think about it, I've been writing some angsty stuff lately (read: mostly). Cross-posted on my AO3.
.:oOo:.
'Oh god…someone call Athena and have her arrest the driver of whatever truck hit him,' Buck thought with a pained groan, attempting to bury his aching head further beneath his pillow as the morning light washed over the bedroom.
Movement from beside him went unnoticed until solid warmth spread out along Buck's entire naked back; naked, he figured, on account of being able to feel the equally naked chest resting on top of him. Buck felt more than heard a sound of amusement coming from his bedmate, a pair of hands pushing under Buck's arms until calloused palms were pressing against his chest. Warm breath fluttered along the curve of Buck's ear and a shiver escaped him as the feel of stubble rubbing the back of his neck caused a tickling sensation.
"We have to get up, mi amor, before the kids riot over not having their morning pancakes," A familiar voice murmured hoarsely, gently nudging their face against Buck's.
Confused more than anything, Buck turned his head to peek out from beneath his pillow. His heart fluttered in his chest at the fond brown orbs staring back at him with such adoration that it took Buck's breath away.
"Eddie," Buck breathed softly and Eddie shifted more against him with a growing smile.
"Good morning," Eddie greeted, nuzzling the side of Buck's face.
Turning over in order to get a better look at Eddie, all thoughts flew out of Buck's mind with a gasp of surprise as their naked fronts rubbed against one another. Soft lips slanted over Buck's, swallowing the next sound trying to escape him and Buck kissed back before he realized what he was doing. A moan slipped from Eddie, the sound causing all kinds of responses to Buck's system. How long has Buck dreamed of this; of spending such intimate moments with this man, who he has secretly been in love with for the last four years? Was it wrong of him to take whatever moment he had left in the wake of their shared morning before whatever spell cast was broken? Buck slipped his arms around Eddie's waist and—.
"Dad, Papa, Marisol is awake and trying to climb out of her crib again," Christopher's voice call out from the other side of the bedroom door.
Eddie muffled his laughter against Buck's throat, before shifting to get out of bed.
"Ten months old and there is no doubt who our daughter takes after," Eddie commented teasingly while pulling on a pair of discarded sweatpants. "Be right there, buddy!"
The sound of crutches indicated Christopher moving away from the bedroom door, most likely to keep an eye on Marisol until Eddie or Buck appeared. Buck remained stuck on the bed, gapping in disbelief at the door Eddie just stepped out of. Our daughter kept replaying over and over in Buck's mind, just the thought of having a family with Eddie and Christopher…of a growing family to include more children—Buck forced down the lump in his throat and hurried out of bed. Snatching on the first pair of pants he managed to grab, a pair belonging to Eddie on account of his ankles showing, Buck struggled to pull on a t-shirt while walking out of the bedroom. Buck was met with giggles and caught Christopher's gaze as soon as his head cleared the shirt's opening.
"Morning, Superman," Buck greeted, gently pushing Christopher's glasses further up his nose and received an eyeroll despite the boy's smile.
"Good morning, Papa. Are we having pancakes for breakfast?" Christopher asked, not noticing how Buck froze at the address.
Clearing his throat, Buck smiled.
"Yeah. Do you want to be my sou chef?" Buck asked just as Eddie came out of another room nearby with his arms full of a wiggling baby.
Blonde curls, cornflower blue eyes, and rosy cheeks; it took Buck a second to remember how to breath seeing Eddie carrying the little girl who resembled Buck so much. It was as though Buck moved on instinct at the grabby hands reaching towards him, and he scooped Marisol out of Eddie's arms and cuddled her close against his chest. Inhaling her baby scent caused tears to spring into Buck's eyes.
"Hey," Eddie murmured, stepping closer to Buck and beginning to card his fingers through sleep-tousled curls. "What's with the tears?"
Buck looked up from Marisol's equally tangled curls and smiled at Eddie.
"I'm just really happy," Buck admitted truthfully, watching as his words caused Eddie's brown eyes to light up. "I love all of you so much."
Arms wrapped around his waist and Buck glanced down to see Christopher hugging him.
"We love you too," Eddie told him and for a moment their small family stood there hugging, right up until the moment twin stomachs growled.
Chuckling, Buck shifted their daughter, their daughter more comfortably in his arms before following closely behind Eddie and Christopher towards the kitchen. Passing Marisol back to Eddie, Buck gathered everything needed to make breakfast while Christopher washed his hands.
Please don't give up.
Buck's hands faltered mid-pour of pancake batter onto the hot griddle. From where he stood cutting up fruit and occasionally handing a small piece to Marisol, Eddie glanced over at Christopher's statement.
"It looks like a lightning bolt."
Buck glanced down to see the jagged-shaped pancake.
"Uh…yeah, buddy, it does," Buck answered, shifting his weight from one foot to the next before carefully pouring out more pancakes.
These were perfectly circular, lacking the startled movement the echoing words from earlier caused. Ignoring whatever that was, Buck focused on finishing breakfast and soon the family of four were sitting together at the dining table. Marisol was positioned in between Buck and Eddie in her highchair, while Christopher sat on their other side. The circular table provided the perfect distance for everyone, allowing Eddie and Buck the opportunity to help Christopher when their independent son asked for it. Buck smiled as he gently cleaned sticky syrup off of Marisol's fingers, Eddie doing the same with Christopher's cheek.
"Can we go to the zoo today?" Christopher asked after breakfast was cleared away and all of the dishes washed.
Christopher had spent the last twenty minutes in the living room with Marisol, with him teaching his sister how to build a bridge using giant Lego blocks.
"Sure—," Eddie started only to be cut off by a loud rumble to thunder.
Stay…please don't leave.
Buck flinched at the dual sounds of vibrating thunder and a whispered plea. Equally startled, Marisol whimpered as she tried to hide her face against Christopher's side.
"Sorry, but not today," Buck stated softly, staring warily out of the living room window and his brows furrowed with confusion at the clear blue sky. "Where did that come from?"
Eddie stepped up beside Buck, one arm coming around the blonde's waist as he too stared out of the window.
"Are you okay?" Eddie asked in a whisper, keeping his voice down so the kids would not hear their conversation. "You've been off all morning."
Buck bit his bottom lip, but how does one explain that everything going on is different from yesterday? That yesterday, Buck was on shift with Eddie and the others at the 118, and his current relationship with Eddie was everything he has ever dreamed about? But…it was not real. Was it? Looking at Eddie, touching Eddie…it all seemed real. Eddie's other hand rose to caress the side of Buck's face and Buck leaned into it.
"¿Qué pasa, cariño?" Eddie asked, his voice filled with affection and concern that caused Buck's heart to flutter and warmth fill his entire being.
"I don't know."
The half lie tasted sour on his tongue and Buck had to look away from Eddie before he spilled everything he was thinking. Stepping away from the window and going over to the kids was easy and Buck slid down onto the floor to join them in their game as a means of distraction.
"Don't cry, Mari. It was only some thunder," Buck murmured as she crawled onto his lap. "How about we have a lazy day?"
"Can we build a blanket fort?" Christopher asked, perking up from their plans at the zoo being changed.
"Of course."
Evan…you need to wake up.
Buck blinked back into awareness; time having slipped away from him during his lazy day spent with his family. Christopher and Marisol were gone, the television turned off and the blanket fort empty. He turned his head at the sound of footsteps, watching Eddie enter the living room before joining Buck on the sofa.
"The kids are bathed and in bed. They didn't even make it to story time," Eddie told him, the frown on his concerned face tugging something deep within Buck. "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."
Buck opened his mouth to apologize, before closing it just as quick. He licked his dry lips as he tried to work up the courage to voice everything. Without his consent, tears pricked the corners of Buck's eyes and he had to clear his throat before he could speak.
"I love you," Buck whispered, having a hard time staring at Eddie's answering smile.
"I love you too," Eddie responded without hesitation, shuffling closer until he was curled up against Buck's side.
Leaning over, Buck rested his head against Eddie's crown and took a moment to just enjoy having Eddie so close.
"What would you do if you woke up one day and realized that your life is only a dream?" Buck asked quietly, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular.
Eddie exhaled slowly, shifting his arms until he had them wrapped around Buck's middle.
"Well…if it was a good dream, I'd enjoy it while it lasted. Then I would wake up and cherish my reality," Eddie answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world…to some it was.
Buck squeezed his eyes shut, fighting back the sting of oncoming tears.
"I don't want to wake up," Buck murmured sadly and he felt Eddie leaning back in order to look at him. "But I keep hearing someone begging be to."
Calloused fingers trailed along Buck's jaw, coaxing him to open his eyes. Doing so, Buck was met with calm understanding staring back at him. Tears pooled and spilled over.
"I don't want to lose this, what we share…you and the kids," Buck breathed shakily, getting choked up.
"Shh, it'll be okay," Eddie voiced gently, one hand moving up until his fingers were buried in Buck's curls. "Any world with you, is the one I want to be in."
"But Mari…," Buck trailed off, unable to finish speaking and Eddie pulled him closer using the hand he had in Buck's hair.
"You have to wake up," Eddie told him and Buck immediately began shaking his head back and forth.
"No, I'm happy here," Buck argued, grasping tightly to Eddie's shirt. "I have everything I have always wanted; a family with you and Christopher…Marisol."
Pressing a kiss to Buck's brow, Eddie nuzzled the side of his face.
"Evan…wake up."
.:oOo:.
The bright lights stung Buck's eyes, causing them to water. Someone squeezed his hand while leaning over Buck, helping to block out some of the room's harsh light. Peeking through his lashes, Buck came face-to-face with a concerned Eddie. For a split second, Buck thought he was still dreaming and smiled.
"Hm…morning, Baby," Buck greeted hoarsely, reaching up with his free hand to rub the sleep out of his eyes. "Are the kids up yet?"
A choked sound forced Buck's attention back to Eddie's now wide eyes and parted lips. Buck gapped, realization flooding him and he jerked away from Eddie's hand still gripping his in an effort to cover his face before his tears could be seen. The gauze covering his hands went unnoticed as he tried to stifle his tears.
"Buck—."
"I ne-need a minute," Buck said brokenly, the sound muffled behind his hands.
Fingers wrapped around Buck's wrists, slowly pulling his hands away from his face in order for damp blue eyes to meet an array of emotion-filled mochas; confused, sad, hopeful…love. Instead of saying anything as Buck expected him to, Eddie gently nudged Buck over before settling down beside him on the hospital bed. Memories raced across Buck's mind from climbing the ladder truck, to looking up at the angry night sky as rain pelted downwards, a blinding flash of light and the momentary pain as lightning surged through his body.
Falling.
Waking up.
Waking up again.
"I've got you," Eddie whispered into his ear, his arms a steady band of comfort wrapped around him as he cried uncontrollably for a loss that never really existed.
But it did. For a brief moment in time, dream or otherwise, Buck had a husband, a son, a daughter…he had the family he always craved—wished for. Yes, Eddie was here. Christopher was here. Marisol…blonde curls, cornflower blue eyes, and rosy cheeks; Buck heart broke and Eddie held him.
.:oOo:.
"How is he?" Maddie asked softly as she quietly entered her brother's hospital room.
It has been a few hours since Buck woke up, having happened during a rare moment where a majority of Buck's friends and family left the hospital to go home for much needed showers, food, and/or children pickup. Eddie, having arrived for switch-off so Buck would not be alone for even a second, had not only been there when Buck woke up, but had witnessed and consoled Buck during the blonde's heart-wrenching breakdown. Eddie pressed his lips together in a tight line and gave a brief shake of his head. He was sitting up with his back resting against the headboard and Buck curled up against him. Eddie continued to slowly card his fingers through Buck's curls, the action seemingly soothing Buck as he slept.
"He uh—," Eddie paused to clear his throat, bringing his free hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "He mentioned waking up in another life."
Maddie's brows furrowed in thought, biting her lip as she wondered if Buck's dream had been terrifying for him to breakdown as he did. Eddie had barely managed to calm Buck enough to convince the doctor not to give the blonde a sedative when Buck's breathing had become labored, causing his monitors to beep erratically. Glancing from her brother's sleep-slackened face, Maddie caught Eddie's fond gaze staring down at Buck while never stopping his fingers.
"Did…did something else happen?" Maddie asked, her tone curious enough to have Eddie look up at her.
Eddie opened his mouth, but paused. Swallowing, he contemplating telling her or not. Deciding that it would not hurt anything if he did, he nodded.
"When Buck woke up, he uh…he said, 'morning, baby' and then asked me if the kids were up yet," Eddie told her and Maddie found herself needing to sit down, a hand coming up to cover her mouth.
Eddie looked away from her as her eyes became damp, not wanting to see another person cry today. It was hard enough for Eddie to see Buck crying, but it almost destroyed him hearing Buck's gut-wrenching sobs and not knowing what to do or say to make it better. So, he just held Buck and has yet to let go.
"Oh, Buck," Maddie whispered wetly, wiping a tear off of her cheek when it fell.
Eddie moved his free hand until it rested on top of the arm Buck had thrown across Eddie's lap, his thumb beginning to move in a back-and-forth motion in time with his other hand.
"He had a family," Maddie murmured hoarsely, ignoring Eddie's narrowed gaze snapping up at her.
"He has a family," Eddie corrected, biting back the harsh bite that would have entered his tone if not for the risk of waking Buck.
Maddie shot Eddie a look.
"Yes, he does, but not the one he dreams about," Maddie pointed out to him without pause. "In his dream…you were obviously there, but so were your kids."
"Chris—."
"Kids, Eddie, as in more than one," Maddie interrupted and Eddie tensed up at what she was implying.
Just imagining the pain of losing Christopher had Eddie's eyes tear up. Realizing that Buck felt that pain…feels that pain now—Eddie closed his eyes. How does one help another deal with this time of loss? It was obviously a dream, so the child or children never existed…, but for a moment they did, at least for Buck. Eddie did not know what to do. He was so far out of his depth and so lost.
"Marisol."
Eddie and Maddie looked down at Buck at his gravelly whisper. Buck still had his eyes closed, but his grip on Eddie had noticeably tightened. Eddie's heart squeezed, recalling a brief conversation he and Buck had a while back, one spent late at night after several beers shared between them. Marisol; the name of Buck's daughter if he ever has one.
"Oh Dios, cariño, no puedo imaginar," Eddie whispered, sliding down along the bed until he was laying side-by-side with Buck, allowing the blonde to hide his face against his chest.
"I'll be okay," Buck stated mournfully, his voice trembling against Eddie. "I know…I know that it wasn't real. I know that, but…"
Eddie shook his head, holding Buck even tighter and pressing his face against the crown of soft curls.
"I'll be okay," Buck repeated. "I just need time."
"Take all the time you need," Maddie told him before quietly leaving the two of them alone.
.:oOo:.
"I'm not okay," Buck whispered against Eddie's chest, knowing that Eddie understood exactly where his thoughts were.
He could feel Eddie's hand rubbing up and down his back and Buck leaned more into the warm comfort of his husband's best friend's arms. Buck was due to be released from the hospital this morning, having spent the last several days being poked and prodded by his doctor and Buck was honestly more exhausted now than he was when he first woke up from his coma. Coma…now that was a surprise. Learning of that fun fact sent Buck into such a deep research spiral that Eddie had to physically pry the cellphone out of his bandaged hands to give him aching eyes a rest.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Eddie asked calmly from where he stood at Buck's bedside, Buck's legs on either side of Eddie's.
Buck shook his head back and forth, definitely not wanting to do that right now.
"Later then," Eddie murmured, not wanting to push Buck into talking about something he would rather not.
"Ready to go, Kid?" Bobby called out from the room entrance, causing Buck to lean back from where he was resting against Eddie and nod.
"Yeah," Buck answered, standing up as soon as Eddie took a step back for him to do so. "I just want some sleep that is not in a hospital bed."
Bobby grinned, hefting Buck's duffel while motioning towards the mandatory wheelchair.
"Seriously?" Buck groaned, stepping towards it at Eddie's coaxing hand on the center of his back. "Fine. You can just drop me off."
Buck did not miss the look Bobby shot Eddie from over his shoulder and he frowned, his fingers unconsciously tightening on the wheelchair handles.
"You're staying with me and Christopher for a little while," Eddie finally told him, having already swung by the loft with Maddie to pack up some more of Buck's necessities.
"I uh-no, I can just…Eddie, I can't—."
Eddie stopped Buck's stuttered excuses by placing a hand on his shoulder and giving a comforting squeeze. Bobby took that moment to get his truck and pull it around to the pickup area. Stepping around and kneeling down in front of Buck, Eddie placed his hands over Buck's on the handles while locking eyes.
"Buck, Chris and I want you at home with us. We want you close. I want you close...," Eddie said carefully, needing to say exactly what he wants without ruining everything. "Come home."
Buck swallowed, ducking his head as his vision blurred. All he could do was nod his head in response least he start crying. He was so over crying.
"I don't think the doctors meant for me to spend my recovery on a couch, Eddie," Buck huffed, resigned to the fact that he would be going to Eddie's anyway.
Eddie stood up as Bobby finally made it back to them with his truck.
"My bed is big enough for two," Eddie stated before opening the backdoor for Buck.
Eddie chose to ignore Buck's stunned silence, taking the wheelchair back inside the hospital before climbing into the truck with them.
.:oOo:.
'Ugh, my head is killing me,' Buck first thought with a pained exhale of breath before rolling completely over from his side to lay flat on his stomach.
The bed dipped beside him, causing Buck's body to tilt slightly towards the added weight. He vaguely heard an amused snort before a warm calloused hand splayed out one shirt-clad shoulder. Peeking through one eye, Buck caught Eddie grinning down at him. Huffing tiredly, Buck moved his arms beneath him in order to push himself up only for the hand on his shoulder to stop him.
"Stay in bed a while longer. There's no rush," Eddie spoke and Buck's thoughts immediately compared the difference from his Eddie and the one in his coma dream.
Really…there was not much of a difference; only coma-Eddie was also husband-Eddie while this Eddie, his Eddie was only his best friend/work partner.
'Damn it, get a grip on it, Buckley,' Buck inwardly growled at himself, forcing a smile to his lips that did not quite reach his eyes.
Knowing him so well, Eddie's smile dipped and he settled more on the bed. Eddie's hand then slipped from Buck's shoulder to begin carding through sleep-matted curls, the soothing motion causing Buck's eye to flutter closed and the tension to loosen up in his body.
"Eddie," Buck murmured, not realizing how breathless he sounded suddenly while leaning into Eddie's hand.
Blunt nails lightly scratched Buck's scalp, causing tingles to race down his spine and a sigh to escape parted lips.
"Buck?"
At Eddie's soft inquiry, Buck peeked his eye back open only to come face to face with Eddie, the man having laid down beside him at some point. Buck turned his head a little so both of his eyes could focus on Eddie.
"Hm?"
Eddie licked his bottom lip, Buck's eyes dropping to follow the motion before flickering back up to lock onto determined mochas.
"What if…," Eddie paused, having to clear his throat and give himself the courage to finish his thought. "What if your dream became a reality?"
Buck's breath caught in his throat and he forced himself to roll over onto his side while never breaking eye contact with Eddie. Buck had to blink his eyes rapidly to clear his blurring vision, tears swimming in blue eyes and making them seem brighter.
"I'd cherish every moment," Buck said honestly, his voice threatening to break.
Biting his bottom lip, Eddie grabbed hold of Buck's hand and slowly laced their fingers together as if giving Buck the opportunity to pull away if he wanted to.
"I know that we haven't spoken about this as much as we should have, but you know that you're a part of my family, right? You, me, and Christopher? You're important to the both of us, and even a second father to Chris," Eddie told him, his words coming out in a rush as once he started it would be hard pressed for him to stop. "We want you, more of you and I know that sounds selfish, but don't leave. Stay…with us?"
Buck swallowed, trying to process everything Eddie was saying.
"Eddie…what are—I need you to be clearer," Buck practically begged Eddie to say what Buck hoped for.
That determined look came back into Eddie's eyes and his free hand came up to caress Buck's jaw, his thumb brushing beneath Buck's bottom lip.
"I love you, Evan Buckley, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. To raise Christopher together and any children we may have in the future. To watch them grow up; to grow old with you. I love you. I love you and I want you to stay," Eddie confessed, watching Buck closely and only moving his hand to wipe away the tears trailing from Buck's eyes.
Reaching out with trembling hands, Buck clutched the front of Eddie's shirt.
"I love you too and I want to stay," Buck said wetly through his effort to control his crying. "Please…tell me this isn't another dream."
Eddie smiled, his own eyes becoming damp. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Buck's.
"No, baby, this isn't a dream," Eddie said against Buck's lips, increasing the pressure of their kiss as Buck's hands went from clutching the front of his shirt, to Buck wrapping his arms around Eddie and holding tight. "This isn't a dream."
.:END:.