This chapter takes place in the middle of season 4. Lucifer is still with Eve. It's total angst and hurt/comfort, so be warned.

Lucifer's POV

The worst nightmare

Lucifer had everything he ever desired. He had a girlfriend who knew who he was, who he really was, and who accepted him. She loved parties, sex and drugs, most of the time all mixed together. She liked, as much as he did, to invite one, or several, someone into their bed. He was the happiest he had ever been, wasn't he? There was just one tiny thing he could not explain. Why was he waking up as Lucicat with the urge to go to the Detective's house so strong that he was half way out of bed before he realized what he was doing?

It had first happened when the Detective was away. Back then he had found his way into her house, pitiful and lonely, to enjoy the fading smells of the Decker girls. Since he was with Eve, it happened once a while. Every time he quickly changed back and dismissed his need to leave the penthouse. He never told Eve about his ability to shape-shift and he knew he never would, despite all the lewd possibilities such a capacity offered. The mere idea that she could see him in his Lucicat form made him strangely uneasy. His little black cat appearance belonged to the Detective and her offspring, even if Lucifer didn't really knew what that meant.

His nightly shape-shifting were becoming more frequent those days. It was the sixth day in a row he woke up all furred. Was it an other one of his subconscious angelic thing? If it was so, Lucifer did not understand why, or maybe he did not wanted to … she had rejected him after all. Lucifer sighted almost ready to go back to sleep. It was still very much early in the morning. One second he was moving away from Eve for she didn't feel him change, the next he was frowning as much as his cat face allowed him. He could not change back.

Lucifer jumped out of bed and tried again with no more success. He went to the bathroom but all he could do was to stare at a black cat's red eyes. The cat looking as perplexed as he felt. Was he really stuck like that? His first thought was to go to Linda's but 1) he never mentioned Lucicat to her and 2) if Amenadiel was with her he would understand straight away what was happening and Lucifer would never hear the end of it. So Lucifer did the second thing that came to his mind and ran off. The Lux was a safe place but Lucifer knew the Prohibition's tunnels far better than what he had told Chloe. One would say he knew them like the back oh his … well … paw. He was out of the building in less time than his human counterpart would have needed if he had called the elevator and went to through the door.

When he finally climbed the side of the Detective's house he was pleased to find her bedroom's window slightly ajar. It was most probably in order to let some of the cool air of the night in but Lucifer liked to imagined it was for him. It was exactly the space he needed to slither inside. As soon as he entered, something eased in him. The Detective was in her bed, breathing rather hard for someone that should be sleeping soundly. Lucifer jumped on the bed. As soon as he landed on her covers, the Detective gasped loudly. She raised in a sitting position, a silent scream twisting her mouth. She was covered in sweat and her eyes scanned the room, terrified, before landing on him. Lucifer stood frozen, all too worried that he might have caused that.

"Hey hi, don't worry. It's not you. Just a nightmare. An other one …"

She moved her hand in his direction. Lucifer, relieved, rushed under her palm and, as always, started purring as soon as her fingers touched him. Slowly her breathing came out more even. Lucifer wondered what could shake so hard a woman as strong as Chloe Decker. As if she could read his mind, she started to explain.

"Those days it's always the same nightmare. Recently I did something … terrible. Well I didn't exactly did it but the mere fact that I thought about it … In my nightmare though, I don't only think about it. I do it … I poison him, Lucifer, … I poison him and Kinley throws him back down there."

Lucifer felt a chill run down his spine, not at her words but at her voice. She sounded broken. Without realizing it, she tugged him closer to her, gripping into him as an anchor as she went on.

"In my nightmare, that's only at that moment I realize how wrong I am. At the exact moment I see him disappear … And I live with that … for the rest of my life. With that and … without him. Each dream fells like it lasts for years and years. Eventually I die and go to Hell. Because how could I not after what I did?"

Lucifer wanted to tell her there were no world in which she, Chloe Decker, could go to Hell. But he can't because cats don't talk. She bent her head and tried to bring her legs up to her chest. Lucifer invaded her lap to prevent her from going so, to prevent her from closing up to him. He bored his gaze into hers, nearly breaking when he saw how close from tears she was. But her story was not over yet.

"And Lucifer is there. Of course he is. I made sure he was after all. He welcomes me, not even angry. But the worst part of it all is when … is when … when he tells me he understands. That I made the right choice because he is the Devil and his place is in Hell. And he tells me all this bullshits about him being a monster and all, but that's all it is! Bullshits! And me, when I sent him back, when I betrayed him, I made him believed it was true. And every time I try to explain, every time I try to apologize, Kinley's voice is coming out of my mouth. I can't tell him how much I regret. I can-t tell him how much I … I can't tell him any thing, Lucifer, because he is so close and yet so far …"

The Detective was fully crying now. Lucifer was mortified. She should not cry for him. He was not worth it, not a single one of her tears. He was giving his best purring ever and yet it didn't look like he was easing any of her pain. She laid back down and crawled under the covers giving Lucifer a better access to her. He first rubbed his face to her cheeks to dry away the tears until she stopped crying. He then consciously licked all the salt out of her face. Finally he settled on her upper abdomen, over her heart, his head under her chin purring her back to sleep.

I hoped you liked this chapter. It's the last Lucicat/Catifer in it because the next one will be when Chloe understands it all. I really liked this little buddy though so maybe he'll be back for a one-shot some day. Next chapter will be established Deckerstar from season 5 or 6.

As always leave a little comment to tell me what you thought about it.

As english is not my native language, feel free to signal me any mistakes I could have made and I'll try to correct them.