Even though Filch sent them back to their beds 'early', it had still been really late that after detention. On top of that Fred and George didn't go to sleep for another few hours. They were too excited after reading the other students report cards and stayed up planning how they could integrate the other students mischief into their repertoire of pranks.
Come next morning, they were tired as hell and decided to skip at least the morning classes. Sadly, they forgot about Percy, who stormed into their room and demanded them to go down.
"I won't have you guys missing classes! If I can't make my own brothers abide by the rules, McGonagall will never make me a prefect! Get down or I'll hex you!"
Not that making their brother's life hell first thing in the morning would be that bad… but being hexed didn't sound as enjoyable. Fred and George groaned, threw on their uniforms and trotted down to the Great Hall to at least get a good breakfast. Maybe a good cup of coffee or ten would keep them awake in class.
"How are you looking anyway Fred?" Percy bickered, "Your robes are filthy!"
"Yeah, I got them dirty in detention yesterday," Fred grumbled and rubbed on a gooey stain on his sleeve.
"We had to transcribe ruined student files!" George explained, "Peeves must have flooded Filch's Office."
Percy looked taken aback. He pointed his wand at Fred and vanished the goo. "So, you really were in detention yesterday?" He asked apologetically.
The twins whined as one, "It's way too early for pranking Percy!"
"It's a perfectly reasonable hour! Breakfast will even close in 15 minutes."
That left the twins with just enough time to grab something. They sat down at Gryffindor table and started to pile some food onto their plates. Suddenly Errol crashed on the table. Percy was looking rather smug.
"What is this about?," Fred asked but Percy didn't answer.
Instead the twins heard their mothers amplified voice shouting, "FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY!" Nearly the entire hall looked over at the pale faced twins and the students whispered among themselves, pointing and having no choice but to listen in on the mad rant of the Weasley matriarch.
"TODAY I GOT NOT ONLY ONE! BUT TWO! LETTERS REGARDING YOUR MISBEHAVIOR! I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU! ONE LETTER WAS FROM THE DEPUTY HEADMISTRESS! MAKE GOOD ON YOUR PROMISE AND GET YOURSELVES IN LINE OR I'LL SAVE MYSELF THE EXPENSE, WITHDRAW YOU FROM SCHOOL AND TEACH YOU MYSELF! AT HOME!"
Fred and George sat back in their chairs and looked at the other with wide eyes. The other children were laughing at their expense. Well, that had worked better than 10 cups of coffee.
Before the red letter hit the table it flew upwards again and their mothers voice added on a much lighter note, "Oh, and please take good care of Errol when you get the letter. The poor thing just got here and is so exhausted, but I do have to send him right back to you mischief-makers. I know, you only want to have an adventure at school, but you have to play by the rules, boys. I love you."
George pressed his lips together and poured Errol a dish of water. He stroked his feathers softly and the owl drank a few sips before passing out.
Fred threw one of his sausages at Percy, "feeling all high and mighty because you did good on your promise to tell Mommy?"
"It's okay we understand babies like you can't handle their problems on their own," George added angrily.
"Not that what we are doing would be any business of yours - "
"- But making it your problem would be no problem at all."
The twins stared at their brother angrily, but couldn't wipe the arrogant smile from Percy's face.
Charlie came over from the other side of the table where he sat with the other seventh years. "Brothers, be good. You heard Mom, she means well. Now, off to your classes!" And with that he dragged Percy with him. Percy bickered about the twins and shot them angry looks until they left the hall, but he went along with his big brother.
"You know what George?," Fred asked.
"What is it Fred?"
"Let's just go through with our plan from earlier today. This day sucks!"
"I'm with you, always," George grinned and got up after finishing his final sausage.
"What's that plan?" Lee wanted to know, but the twins were already on their way out of the hall.
Together they hid in an abandoned classroom on the 7th floor, because they didn't want to run into Percy again in the common room. The classroom had a nice fluffy couch and they cozied up on it and had a decent nap.
When they woke up, it was two hours before lunchtime and George said, "Let's do some classwork. The Puffs said Wingardium Leviosa will be next up in Charms. Maybe we can get it to work just from the book"
But they failed miserably. The hair, they wanted to levitate, would only move when they moved too close and accidentally breathed on it. They decided to just practice with the others later and move on to herbology for now.
They would have to have their homework done after lunch, so it was high time. Fred, who was the better artist, pulled out some parchment and his quill and pictured the botanical illustration, they were assigned to do, in his head. "Where should I start?"
"Maybe with the edibles."
"Okay." He wrote at the top of the parchment :
Peppermint leaves can be 4–9 cm long and 1.5–4 cm broad. They are dark green with reddish veins, with an acute apex and coarsely toothed margins.
But before he could add the illustration of the leave next to the description, the words vanished and something else appeared on the paper.
Thank you for the reminder. I would have hated to accidentally put some clover in my tea.
"Odd." George looked at Fred questioningly.
"Very odd."
"Is this not the enchanted parchment from Filch's Office?"
"Oops, yeah, I had it in my hand when we ran and must have tossed it in my bag this morning. Totally forgot about it."
Another sentence appeared in a slightly different handwriting:
Hello dear writer, with whom do we have the pleasure?
"Should we write back?" Fred mused and George shook his head, "I don't know, Mom says to never trust anything that can think for itself, if you can't see where it keeps its brain…"
Peppermint? It's a first year, I bet you. Or someone who is sick of waking up next to someone with bad breath and chose this very parchment as a poster ad for proper mouth hygiene. Looking at you Moony!
Shut up Padfoot!
Fred snorted and wanted to write a reply immediately, but George held him off. "I have a bad feeling about this."
Fred raised his eyebrows and nudged his twin, "It's not like a parchment could do anything except insulting us."
George looked reassured but before he could say anything the next sentence appeared.
We forgot our manners, Gentlemen. Let us introduce ourselves properly.
On the parchment grew an elaborate image of branches. Inkblots moved over the page like footsteps. In contrast to the neat handwritings from before a printed font appeared.
Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers
As the image faded four distinct handwritings greeted :
# How do you do?
~ Who are you?
π What are you up to?
% Lets have some fun!
That wasn't something you had to tell Fred Weasley twice and before his brother could take away his quill he had the first word down and George groaned, but also looked at the paper with anticipation.
"Good day, Gentlemen! This is Gred and Forge speaking. We were just about to do our first year Herbology homework. I guess we have to get another parchment for that, but nice to make your acquaintance."
% Told you!
~ Hello to you Mr.Gred and Mr.Forge!
# So this is like a typical day for you? Hanging around Hogwarts, being well-behaved and doing your homework as little firsties should?
π Give them some slack, Prongs. They ARE firsties.
George took the quill from his brother and wrote "I guess, it depends. Usually we don't skive off half the day, but yesterday's detention with Filch was especially tiring," and Fred, who took out another quill, added, "Doing homework might seem dull to you, paper people, but to us wizards it grants knowledge we plan to use in future endeavors."
# Paper People!
Suddenly the parchment flew up and folded itself. At first it became an origami dog, which transformed into a deer with elaborate antlers, which turned into a little rat, not unlike scabbers, that ran up George's arm and bit his ear. "Ouch!"
Before he could throw it off it was a dog again but this time a smaller one with slender limbs that jumped back on the table, stood up on his hind legs and held up one paw to his head in a salute.
"What was it you said? Worst thing it has got is insulting us?" George said rubbing his ear. They backed away from the parchment, that was once again laying flat on the table looking innocently.
"Why did it bite me when you offended it?" he asked his brother, but Fred just laughed. Again words formed on the parchment.
π What are those endeavors you talked about?
Fred wanted to answer, but his brother held him off. "No! If you want to engage in writing to a possible dark artifact, let's do the responsible thing and proceed in the common room, where someone else might be able to reanimate us!"
Fred rolled his eyes, but packed his things and wrapped his arms around his brother reassuringly as they went up. That prank on that 5th year in the lonely corridor some weeks ago seemed to have made a bigger impact on his brother than Fred anticipated. But well, he guessed he would have been creeped out, too. After all, George was lying in a dark corridor for hours, all alone, unable to move, because Flint got a full body bind on him. Fred hadn't noticed George wasn't on his heels, when he was running from the scene. It had been a literal nightmare to find his brother in the dark.
"You know, the worst thing that could have happened that night, was that Filch would have found you before I did and you would have been in detention without your most darling brother", he told George grinning.
George didn't respond. When they finally sat on their usual study tables in the common room, charms class was already finished and Lee was there, working on his peppermint illustration.
"Hey Guys, where have you been?"
"Here and there," Fred replied and got the parchment and his quills set on his table.
"Um, okay… do you have your Herbology homework ready?" Lee pointed at his own half finished assignment.
"Not exactly, but we have some more important projects to work on," Fred shrugged.
"And our mouth hygiene is on point already!" George added looking at Lee's peppermint illustration and both twins giggled at their inside joke.
Lee obviously didn't get it and made a face, "Well, good for you. Just let me know if you want to copy my homework before lunch."
"Thank you, mate!" George punched Lee on the shoulder, "What would we do without you!"
Lee turned bright red, coughed and said in a smaller voice, "What project are you working on?"
"Ah you know us, top secret!", Fred said and placed his books in a way to block Lee from looking at the parchment.
You wouldn't want to spoil the fun for yourself would you?" George teased. "You'll see if something comes out of it eventually."
Lee sighed and turned back to his homework. "Yeah, thanks."
.
"Sorry for the late reply, we were on the move back to the tower!," Fred wrote on the parchment.
% Back where dwell the brave at heart
# Welcome back tiny Griffins
This time George started to write, "how come you can talk, gentlemen?"
Having guessed what his brother would write, Fred sat beside him and wrote simultaneously, "Talking is truly unusual for a parchment!"
The parchment answered the twins in the same manner. The Gentlemen's handwritings started unfolding at the same time at different speeds:
π You see this parchment is similar to a portrait, just without the portrait part. Our creators poured their likeness onto these humble pages and created us.
% We are the Fat lady, but you would never know us to be Fat haha
~ The creators wanted to have a memento, you know. As a reminder of their friendship and their hilariously wonderful deeds to hogwarts.
While the text was still appearing George started to reply, "who created you?" And Fred asked, "what do you mean, deeds? Did you receive a Special Award for Services to the School ? We polished those a couple times already."
% Merlin's Beard, no! Imagine, Minnie awarding us!
~ Now that you say it, we definitely should have gotten one.
# Well, we were quite the pranksters in our time.
~ hilariously wonderful ones
π I remember The Great Rainbow Explosion of 1974*.
% haha that was a good one!
Fred looked at George and George looked at Fred. What were the odds that they were stumbling over a semi sentient piece of parchment created by award worthy pranksters. Fred's hand was shaking as he wrote, "gentlemen, any chance you preserved your pranking wisdom on this parchment for the benefit of future generations?" "Like us?"
~ Well I would not say that was the intention behind it-
% That's what we did haha
# If you're willing to learn we just might adopt you, tiny marauders!
π How did you get your hands on the parchment anyway?
The twins replied simultaneously. "We found it in Filch's Office." "We might have accidentally nicked it from Filch."
π Filch must have confiscated the parchment!
% That old fucker… ooops sorry firsties
# What a shame. I had hoped our pranking wisdom would go as an heirloom to our children one day.
% Prongs, sorry to break it to you: Evans will never have your children.
# She will come around eventually!
~ I'm glad you found it. This state of being is much preferable to being in the dark in Filch's Office.
The twins were in a state of giddy excitement and wrote hastily at the same time, scribbling over the sentences of the other, but the parchment had no trouble understanding them either way. "What state do you mean?" "It was dark because you were in a drawer!" "Can you tell what's going on around you?" "Can you see us now?" "Hear us?" "Did you hear something interesting in Filch's Office?" "It would be hella useful if you gave us something to blackmail him!" "Or maybe you heard what he confiscated!"
The twins were running through all the possibilities in their head, imagining all the pranks they could pull off and couldn't quite hold themselves back in their excitement. Instead of waiting for answers they asked further, "please tell us if there is something worthwhile!" "- other than yourselves of course -" "Our funds are limited and some good pranking equipment would be highly appreciated" "He would never know something was missing at this point." "And what a waste to have all that stuff laying there, confiscated in his Office!"
At this point the parchment was madness and even if Lee would have peeked at it, he wouldn't have been able to make sense of it. The parchment was already answering their questions while the twins were still writing out their thoughts. Sentences coming and going overlapping each other. The twins had to really focus on the parchment to get everything themselves but nothing else was worthy of their attention right now anyway.
~ No actually, the last thing I remember before you talked to us was our creator wiping the parchment.
π I guess we entered a state of unbeing after that
% Maybe that portrait simile wasn't that on point after all.
π We can only sense someone and what they say when a wand is directed at us, so we don't know what was going on with Filch.
"Bummer" "We have to look into the items ourselves then."
% That's the spirit haha
~ I remember Filch confiscating a lot of useless stuff in our time though
% You can work out a good prank with anything if you sit on it
π But is it worth getting into Filch's stuff for that?
"Yeah, guess getting equipment is a task for another day." "True, we're having a hard time as it is."
% What's giving you a hard time, pups?
"Currently we are working on getting around the castle unseen by others, especially by Filch." "And our brother rule-abiding saint Percy."
# Well that is a thing good old us can help you with!
~ They are so cute, just entered newbie level - pranking 101
% Pup Level!
~ If you please.
"We are not on a newbie level! We have a lot of experience under our belt, thank you very much!" "Only newbies at Hogwarts!" "Help us!"
# Pranking your brother does so not count
π the stakes are higher in a castle full of magic users
% whatever you are on pup level anyways!
"Whatever" "HELP?!"
% We might just know the thing to help you out
π There is a magical map of the castle, that shows you all the hidden passageways and even displays where people and ghosts are!
~ So no one can sneak up on you
# no, you do all the sneaking
Fred and George read the parchment. They looked at each other grinning. They couldn't believe what they were reading. Soon they would solve their problem with the caretaker forever!
# Mr.Gred and Mr.Forge?
π Are you interested?
Fred dipped his quill in his ink pot to reply, when another sentence appeared.
~ We'll gladly tell you how to find it, but first you will have to proof yourself!
This was icky. "How can we prove ourselves?" "What do you want us to do?"
π It's simple, we give you a prank and after it's done you get the information.
"How will you know if we did the prank? You just said you don't know what's happening in the real world."
% Magic.
π We will know, have no fear.
# Will you do it, tiny marauders? Do you want us to tell you the prank?
"Tell us!"
The parchment wiped itself to make room for a checklist to appear:
First you will have to get into the restricted section and copy the pages 478 and 479 of "Wonderbook: Book of Potions".
Page 302 in "Intermediate Transfiguration" will also be helpful. It's on the curriculum for 3rd to 5th grade.
Then you will have to get the ingredients, I suggest gathering some in the forest and nicking the rest from Slughorn's supply.
When you finished the potion give it to Blossom, the house elf. And lastly just enjoy the havoc you created, Blossom will take it from there.
George copied the list. When he was halfway finished the list disappeared and the Gentlemen asked:
π Any questions?
# Maybe a bit ambitious for you firsties, but will you try?
~ Nothing ventured nothing gained
"So the whole prank ist basically: brew a potion?"
% Yep, the best pranks are the simple ones
~ This way no one will know it was you, it's brilliant!
"But the house elf will know," Fred wrote with furrowed eyebrows and George added, "how can we find the elf anyway?"
# Blossom will not rat you out-
~ I digress that expression!
# Sorry Wormtail, as I was saying: Blossom will keep the secret!
π You will find her in the kitchen most days.
Fred nearly knocked his inkpot over in his excitement, "you can go into the kitchen at Hogwarts?!"
π At least you could in our times, in the 70's, what year is it now?
~ You so can go into the kitchen
π It's not common knowledge, I guess the teachers don't want the students to boss around the house elves too much
"Its 1989" "We'll see with the kitchen, but where is it exactly?"
π It's in the basement close to the Puffs
% Just tickle the pear
π There is a portrait of a pear if you tickle it the door to the kitchen will open.
This is great news. Even if they would not get the potion done, they just got the ability to get all the food! Fred was already jumping up to run to the basement, when George grabbed his arm to hold him back. He read through his notes again and asked, "who is Slughorn?"
% Ah old sluggy might be in retirement.
π Poor souls, I loved that man! Great teacher.
~ Just get into the supplies of the potions teacher, they have that stuff on hand for NEWT level.
George's face drained. Getting into Filch's stuff was one thing. But Snapes? That man would eat them alive. "Do you have any pointers for that?" "Stealing from Severus Snape is quite the task"
~ Stealing from who?!
% NO FUCKING WAY!
# Snivellus Snape is your teacher?
π What possessed Dumbledore to make that greasy git work with children?
~ Maybe the Dark Lord is running the school now.
That was a weird assumption. Fred laughed while George wrote, "no, Dumbledore is still Headmaster" He could see Snape working for you-know-who. Maybe torturing the minds children was their master plan all along and Snape saw to it."He's really a git. How do you know him?"
π He was in our year at school.
~ Was quite the loner actually.
% No one liked him.
# No wonder he is just EWWW!
Fred and George laughed. "He's the worst teacher ever" "Everyone hates him."
% You don't need to tell us pups, we can imagine.
# I can't imagine actually, it's just too bad my brain doesn't want to work it out!
~ What brain?
# You know what I mean.
# He is just EWWWW!
% I tell you something! Let's prank that motherfucker!
# For how dare he torturing not only us, but our children!
~ Yeah, let's do it!
# But we can't!
~ Fuck, we are a parchment!
% Please Mr.Gred and Mr.Forge, help us out. We can only offer you bonus points and eternal gratitude, but wouldn't it be sweet?
Fred underlined ' Yeah, let's do it ' and added a few more exclamation marks and George drew a heart next to it, giggling.
% Sweet!
~ What can we do about him?
# Let's think on it.
π By the way, sorry we can't help you with figuring out to get to Snape's supplies. He probably reorganized the stores after getting the post.
# We could replace the supplies with something!
% No he wouldn't be on the receiving end, the students would most probably be.
The twins thought on this. They had never tried pranking a teacher before. The map was incredible at this point with the Gentlemen talking among themselves passing ideas and crossing them out at a speed they could not comprehend. Fred wanted to help them out and asked on the margins, "what do you know about him? maybe we can use that?" and George added, "we know nothing about him except what he teaches in class"
The parchment wiped itself again and the text was written once more in an orderly manner.
% And we know nothing about him except that he has a shit hair routine.
And that he's pure evil at this point.
# Tell you what, we think on it some more and come back to you later.
π Only don't forget to keep us in your pocket, without your stray magic energy the parchment goes dormant again!
# For doing us the service of pranking our nemesis we are eternally grateful.
% Yeah, let's give them something. I trust them.
# Give them the Lady's shortcut.
~ Yeah, let's make their task a little easier, they are firsties after all.
π On the third floor is another portrait of the Fat Lady. You have to tell her the common room password and it will open a passageway that let's you enter Gryffindor tower the same way the Fat Lady does.
~ The portrait is in the west wing close to the great staircase, you have to look closely or you will miss it.
Fred and George replied, "Snape is going down, you can totally trust us!" and, "we will make you proud, gentlemen!" when Lee tapped on their shoulders.
"Hey guys, I didn't watch the clock, we have to go down to Herbology."
"Oh no! We missed lunch!"
They packed their bags in a hurry, only taking a second to skim over what the parchment kept on writing.
# Off you go, tiny marauders
π Happy pranking!
% Have fun, pups
% And kids, if you don't get that potion to work, give yourself some grace.
π Yeah, don't work yourself up, just try another time in a few years.
~ It is an advanced potion.
# We will be here waiting for you to get it right.
George checked his bag to see if he had got everything when his stomach growled and Fred exclaimed, "now we have no time to do the assignment!"
Lee looked at them like he was doubting they could possibly be sad about not having done their homework. Again.
And of course he was right. The look of distress in the twins faces turned to a wide grin when their hunger reminded them they had a kitchen to explore.
"George! Let's skip Herbology and eat something!"
"I love where your mind is at, Dear Brother."
But before they could storm off, Percy came out of nowhere, his head as red as his hair and he grabbed them and dragged them to the portait hole. "What do you want to eat, Hagrids rock
cookies?! Come on, let's get you down to herbology or you will get in serious trouble with Mom." The twins remembered the letter they received this morning and decided to go along and not push it too far. Their adventures could wait until after class.
Professor Sprout thanked Percy 'for helping his brothers'. Percy smiled calmly wearing his teacher's pet face when she cooed over him and asked if he had no classes he had attend. He replied he had a free period. That was odd. But whatever, Percy could skive off fine apparently, but the twins not? They got really mad with their brother. It didn't help when Sprout deducted points for their lack of homework, but aside from that it was a good lesson. After they cooled down, Fred even won their lost points back by drawing all the plants at the blackboard as the children discussed them and highlighting the distinct features Sprout pointed out.
George was sitting at his desk copying the blackboard when Lee, who was sitting next to him, said, "Boy, i'm hungry." George's stomach rumbled on agreement. Lee rubbed his empty stomach, "what were you doing at lunch anyway?" George just winked at him.
The lesson was over when Fred got back and teased Lee, "well, was it worth doing homework instead of going to lunch?"Lee raised his eyebrows. "Was it worth, whatever you were doing?" He replied and the twins got up and called to him as they were running out of the green house, "you'll see!"
It would be a while until dinner so the twins had plenty of time to go to the kitchen. They had no problem finding the pear and when they tickled it, they got into the kitchen just like the Gentemen had told them! It was amazing how many house elves were working at Hogwarts, maybe twice as many as they had gnomes living in their garden. They had never seen a house elf before, but found them rather cute especially after they presented them with a cake, carefully wrapped in a box for them to take it away. They were so polite. And eager to help. But they also were buzzing around busily preparing dinner so the twins decided too keep their first visit short to not disturb them too much.
On their way up the twins wanted to find the portrait on the third floor, but they couldn't find it. They checked every portrait twice and decided the Halls must have been redecorated since the Gentlemen's time. When they finally entered the common room good little Lee sat alone at his homework again. The girls were busy playing cards with Angelina laying out the deck of tarots for the others.
Fred sneaked up behind Lee, "hello my fellow food deprived friend!" Lee was startled, but quickly catched himself and smiled as he lay down his quill.
"Hey, what were you up to?", Lee asked clearly expecting no answer. When George sat the cake box on his homework, he furrowed his brows and George squealed, "we were busy getting this," pointing at the box. The twins made themselves comfortable and Lee's eyes were glowing when they revealed the cake.
Fred read out an imaginary card, "for us to share, with kind regards by the Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs " "Bon appetit!" wished George and each boy took a decent sized peace of the cake and dug in. It tasted heavenly.
"Chocolate cake is my favourite! Where did you get it?" Lee asked.
George answered, "that's what we've been up to during lunch." And Fred chimed in proudly, "we found the kitchen!"
Lee opened his mouth in total awe, "no way! where is it?"
Fred grinned mischievously and looked at his brother who returned the smile, "that's a secret between pranksters." Lee looked bummed out and they ate their cake in silence.
The Great Rainbow Explosion of 1974 is a reference to The Debt of Time by ShayaLonnie Maybe the first HP Fanfic I ever read, and a great one.