Bohemian Rhapsody

Tian

A good night to reflect. He drew deep on his cigarette and stretched his legs toward the living room window. Facing it, he both did and didn't see the multitude of lights in the buildings spread before him. He was more taken with how deep the sky looked. Such a dark blue. Almost impenetrable. And yet there were clouds. Faintly visible, lending to the depthless quality. Inviting. Sucking him out of himself. That's Mo. An impenetrable wall that draws me in. Invites me in.

Another drag. Exhaled in a tight stream towards that sky.

What is possession? The word gets such a bad rap, but what is it? Good or bad? He shifted his ass closer to the edge of the couch so he could lean his head against the back. Cushions his head with a hand. Another nice, long pull. Held it in. Exhaled as slowly as possible. It's neither, he decided. Possession is whatever one makes it. Like most things in life. Possession could be sweet. Beautiful, even.

Entitlement. This time he let the smoke escape his nose, jaws clenched, eyes squinted. He could still see the sky. He fancied himself floating up there like the smoke as he considered the meaning, and thus its relevance to him, of entitlement. It was harder to pick apart than possession. Not as black and white. He ended up finishing that cig and lighting another from its tip before his thoughts untangled themselves enough for him to put them in order.

He supposed some would call him that. An entitled rich bastard. He didn't necessarily agree. Good or bad, a man was entitled to what he earned. What he worked for. Did he have things he hadn't earned? Yes. But they'd been given. They could be taken away again; he didn't think the loss would make too much of a difference to his equilibrium. The things he desired, he worked for. He was entitled to those returns. And he'd worked for Mo. He wouldn't go so far as to say he was owed, but he did have questions. To his mind, it was past time they were answered.

He dropped his hand to the space beside him, atop his phone. He considered the screen a moment, before deciding that short and to the point would be best. 'My house. Urgent.'

Mo

He stared at Tian's door. Why the fuck am I even here? He was ninety-five percent sure there was no emergency. He expected the door to be snatched open the instant his knuckles touched it, whereupon he would then be greeted by a shirtless, glistening, dripping Tian.

And that's why you're here.

No. No, it wasn't. Guy could really be in there bleeding to death.

Then why didn't he call an ambulance?

He could have. He had no way of knowing if Tian had or hadn't called an ambulance. He stood listening for several moments. No sirens. Well, maybe whatever was wrong was too embarrassing to involve outside people. Something only a friend could see.

Like his cock?

Stop it!

No, seriously, the amount of time you spend thinking about his cock is ridiculous.

Growling, he pounded on the door. When it wasn't opened immediately, he added his foot to the racket and stood punching and kicking the door until he heard the lock disengaged. It was opened in a slow, calm, peaceful manner. Tian's equally composed smile was the final straw.

"Mo. I'm so glad you came."

"What the fuck do you want!"

"Won't you come in?"

It gave him great pleasure to shove Tian out of his way and storm inside. Tian snagged his wrist as he was passing and he yanked it free on a snarl of delicious rage. "The fuck off me." He stood, hands on hips, while Tian paused, smirked, then shut his door. After a good fifteen seconds, he locked it.

Mo stared at this. And because he was so busy contemplating that locked door and what it meant, he missed what was being said. "What?"

"I said can I get you anything."

"You can tell me what the bleeding fuck is so urgent." He raked Tian from head to bare feet, noting the t-shirt and sweats, and told himself he wasn't disappointed by the lack of nudity. "You don't look injured."

"Oh, but I'm very injured at your continued cold attitude."

He blinked. In and of itself, this was not an uncommon thing for Tian to say to him. He even expected it. And all right, sort of liked it. But it was coming to him of a sudden that he was very unsettled with Tian's stare. Guy was just staring. Not unusual. All the lights were off, but plenty of moonlight and street light were coming in from the window. No, that wasn't it either, then. It was Tian. The way he stood a good ten feet away without approaching him or even trying to touch him. That was unusual. The stare, the utter stillness, the way Tian's thumbs were hooked into his waistband, all suggested a waiting quality. Expectant, that was the word.

Am I in danger here? He had a refined sense of danger. And a keen nose for insanity. Tian was definitely…off, in a lot of ways, but he wouldn't go so far as to call him completely crazy. Not like She Li. At least, Tian's crazy was one he could deal with. He didn't think he was in danger of physical harm, but something he suspected he'd rather not deal with floated around the room nonetheless. Something Tian knew, that he didn't. That left him feeling vulnerable. He was in Tian's house, on his territory. That made him vulnerable. Trust and him had never been on great terms, casual acquaintances at best, so his entire body was tight with the prospect that he might be in trouble. His own stare missed nothing. He couldn't immediately see the bulge of a weapon in Tian's clothing. Don't panic. He's unlikely to hurt me, but that doesn't mean he can't. He's more than strong enough. Okay, no, stop. I need information. He made sure to pitch his questions in a neutral tone this time. "Why am I here? What do you want?"

"You. I want you, Mo. I think the sentiment is returned. And, after much thought, I don't understand why I don't have you."

Never had he said it so civilly. And that made the expression of it ten times worse. His panic, which had started to recede, came roaring back. He wet his lips. It was infinitely harder to get loud and rage against such an utterance when it was in that low voice, and with such freakish calm. "I don't know what you expect me to say to that. Or why I'm here." If he thinks we're fucking here tonight he's out of his mind.

Of course, his dick had to respond to that line of thinking. He turned toward the window to hide that fact. Shoved his hands into his pockets.

"I figured you'd answer something like that. See, you didn't deny what I said. That you also want me. You give me a lot of mixed signals. I'm genuinely confused. And tired of feeling like that. You're here because, as I've said, you have feelings too. You came when I asked. You could just as easily have told me to fuck off, and stayed wherever you were. But you're here. I have questions only you can answer. I intend to ask them. That's why you're here."

He strained his ears to hear if Tian was walking up behind him. Sick, how much he wanted to feel those large hands settle on his shoulders. He expected to feel them any second now. His shoulders were hovering right up under his ears in expectation of this happening. But then he noticed that Tian's voice hadn't sounded any closer. He risked a peek behind himself. Guy was standing as he'd left him. Then exactly what he'd said slapped his mind and he stopped breathing. A conversation he absolutely didn't want to have was about to take place. Aaaaannd….no. Just no. "I'm leaving."

"Go right ahead."

His cock was nice and soft now, so he was able to face Tian once more. "What? You're letting me leave?"

"You were never a prisoner."

"You locked the door."

"I'm sure you can unlock it."

"Oh. Cool, then. Later."

Tian shifted so that he was now sideways. A clear path to the door. He kept his eyes on Tian as he took a step in that direction. He's going to stop me. Another step. His arm is going to shoot out, grab me, and I'll let him. A little. Maybe. Another step. Might let me pass him, then grab me from behind. Drag me against him. Shorter step now, anticipating that grab. I might fight. 'Course I will. And then – shuffling his feet now, almost abreast of Tian. A peek at his face. No smirk. Just the eyes, lambent with moonlight, looking at him oh-so-seriously.

Dude, what the fuck. Tell him you want him, rip his clothes off, and jump his dick.

He did no such thing. Just stood less than two feet away from Tian and waited to be grabbed.

No grab. Not even a blink.

"Fuck you, He Tian."

He got to the door, pretended to fumble the lock, thus giving Tian time to grab him still, wasn't grabbed, unlocked the door, turned the knob, and actually pulled it open before a response was aimed at his back. Aimed with horrendous accuracy: "I'll leave you alone from now on. We'll always be friends, of course. If you still want that. But I'll leave you alone when it comes to my feelings for you."

Thank-fucking-God. He slammed the door shut on a wave of intense gratitude, and turned to let it hold him up. Crossed his trembling arms over a chest doing its best to contain the galloping thud of his heart. "The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Did I stutter?"

He tried to maintain his rage. Really, he did, but Tian wasn't making it easy to argue.

You could just leave anyway. If you don't want to be here having this discussion.

Yeah. No. He tried, instead, to match the calm Tian was bludgeoning him so relentlessly with. "Maybe I have questions too. Chief among them is why you feel the need to have this conversation."

"Ah." Tian finally looked away from him. Somewhere at the floor and to the side. When he answered, it was with a tiny frown between his eyes. "I don't like feeling or being confused. It's stressful."

"Well – "

"And since you have the freedom to leave, but haven't, I'll assume this is more of your mixed signals. But I'm not tolerating them tonight, Mo. If you're here and choose to remain here, I'm going to assume you'll answer my questions. That means I'm going to keep asking until you either answer them or walk out that door. So. First question. Do you want me? Not as a friend. As a boyfriend. Romantically."

Tian

Not for the first time, he wondered if Mo knew just how expressive his face was. He almost laughed at the panic shining behind the mask of resentment, but it wasn't actually funny. Besides. The mission was afoot. Mo hadn't left yet, but he still might. Best to keep things serious.

And, at realizing just how scared Mo was—itself a new and sobering thought— he was flooded with compassion. Still, he meant to be answered. And in that vein, perhaps he should ask a question that wasn't quite so difficult. "Are you afraid of me?"

"No."

"Are you afraid right now?"

"No."

Least he's answering me. He gestured at Mo, then carefully hooked his thumb back in his waistband. "Your body language says different."

"I'm not scared of you."

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"Nothing!"

He sought a different approach. "You're…" Not safe. He's safe with me, but I won't use that word. Too easy for him to take offense and rage at me again. Then I'll never get answers. Something else. "You're confusing me. I've dropped a lot of hints about my feelings for you. Some subtle. Most not subtle at all. Why do you let me? Why do you keep me as a friend?"

Glaring eyes, flared nostrils, hyperventilating…but no answer.

Something in him deflated, but he waited.

And waited.

Until finally he went to Mo, reached past him, and opened the door himself. An action that brought their bodies in contact with each other. "Go, then. I apologize for forcing this issue. I should look at what's right in front of me: the fact that if it's not yes, it's no. You're definitely not giving me a yes, and you're not answering me, so it's a no. And I will respect that." He pulled the door open wider, despite Mo's weight against it, and began the process of gently pushing him into the hall.

The knob was ripped from his hand when Mo elbowed the door shut. His ears were still ringing from the slam when a solid punch to his face had his whole head buzzing.

He knew a tiny moment of reciprocal rage, before he managed to remind himself that Mo was afraid. He feels threatened. He wracked his brain for a way to neutralize Mo's sense of fear, but came up blank. He turned away instead, a little dizzy from the force of that punch.

Mo

He experienced something complex: On the one hand, he regretted punching Tian the second he saw the look of hurt and anger in his eyes. But then that look was replaced with understanding. Something he'd never really witnessed or thought to experience from Tian. That made him grateful for the chain of events that led up to him seeing it. It was brief, that look. Then Tian was stemming the blood from his nose and turning away.

Something in him protested that turning away. Some feeling of abandonment. It was a physical reiteration of the things Tian had said more than once tonight. That was intolerable. "I don't want to be hurt."

Tian neither responded, nor stopped moving toward the kitchen.

Which made his panic ten times worse. "I'm afraid of being hurt," he said louder, willing Tian to acknowledge him. "Hello~o~o! Do you hear me?"

"You're safe with me." Definite nasal blockage. But it was said so dispiritedly that Mo felt the unthinkable: Tears welling in his eyes. This situation was slipping out of his control. He already felt out of control. Well, fuck it then. In for a penny, in for a pound. "Yes. I want you."

Tian opened a cupboard, still holding his nose. Closed it. Opened another. Found some napkins. Took a handful and pressed this wad against his nose. Leaned one hip against the counter, put his head back, and said nothing.

He knew it. Knew the second he opened up that this would be the response. Now his abandonment was complete. He filled his lungs to capacity. "FUUUUUUUCK YOOOUUUU!" He entertained rabid thoughts of taking a butcher knife from the block beside Tian and stabbing him to death. Just plunging that blade in over and over again, blood flying, skin hanging in strips, until –

"I love you, Mo Guan Shan."

Oh. Oh, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. FUCK.

"That's…a weird thing for me to say. Never said it to anyone before. I know I'm stupid about how I show it. Pushy. But I love you so much it makes me do shit. No, that's wrong. I choose to show you. That might be against your will, but I will never take advantage of you. I need you to know that. I will never hurt you or do anything you're not okay way with. I guess I just…wanted to see what you were okay with. And, all right, I'll admit that pissing you off is very amusing. But I'm being serious here. I love you and want you, so if you don't mean it, don't say it back. I have to ask again, though. Do you want me?"

"Yes." He had no memory of walking up to Tian, but he was right in front of him. Staring at his Adam's apple. "I want you."

"Huh. What's that mean to you?"

A very good question. At this particular moment in time, it meant getting naked and having lots of surrendering sex. Being safe and protected and contained in Tian's strong, capable presence. Being claimed by someone powerful, and thus made inaccessible to all the things in life that scared and hurt him.

But it also meant a direct claim in the face of She Li and his madness. It meant showing up to school with Tian on his arm for all the world to see. Meant…a lot of things he probably didn't understand and had no clue about. "What's it mean to you? That you…that you love me?" God. Not this. Never this. Not He Tian himself, perfection walking, loving my stupid ass.

Tian took several moments to answer, during which he felt like punching him again. Finally, he left his nose alone to lower his head and look at him. "It means you're a part of me," Tian said. "That I cherish you as a part of myself, that I will treat you as I treat myself. Not in a way that suggests you lose yourself or stop being who you are. But…" Tian squeezed the bloody napkins, frowning off to the side a moment. He held his breath. Tian resumed slowly, placing each word with the care of a chess player. "I don't know how to say it. That your interests are my interests. I will support the pursuit of your goals, and cheer you on, and respect you. Protect you. Choose your side in all things, good or bad. That I'm there. I'm here for you. With you."

And now he was quietly choking to death. He focused on trying to breathe as he watched Tian look for a clean spot on his napkins and put the thing to his nose again. Then he closed the distance between them, snatched his hand away, grabbed his head, and kissed him.

Tian

Well, that shocked him. Mo kissing him so confidently. He pulled back. And there it was, the immediate assumption of rejection, the clouding of his eyes, the hurt, the frown, the rage that was ever his shield against being hurt. He snaked an arm around Mo just as he tried to shove away. Pinned him in place against his chest. "I want this. I do. But I, too, want to know that I'm safe with you. I don't want to be hurt either. I want to know what you feel for me."

Mo stood blinking at this for several moments. Then, to his surprise, Mo kicked his legs apart to settle himself completely against him. Mo stared at his upper lip and the blood he assumed was smeared there. "I don't know what I feel for you," Mo said quietly. "Or…I don't know how to put it into words." A swallow. Fierce frowning. "I…"

He made himself as still and nonthreatening as possible. Thought about putting his other arm around him, but that might be seen as too confining. Concentrated on making his breathing slow and deep. Safe.

Mo gave a tiny, frustrated shake of his head. Guy didn't know how to be vulnerable. He decided on some vulnerability of his own. "I'd like a relationship with you. Is that possible? Is that something you could want?"

Some silence. Then, "Yeah. I suppose."

"I need a concrete answer."

"Yes."

"What's…no. I was going to ask what level of intimacy you would be comfortable with, but if you can't define your feelings, then I can't expect you to even want intimacy. So -"

"I want to fuck you."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

He realized he was smiling because Mo was staring at his mouth again. Then sense returned and he asked, "Is that all you want from me?"

"I'd like all the things you said. About being a part of you."

"Kind of hard for me to be comfortable with that now without knowing how you feel. Maybe we should go slow. Just…uh…you know…"

"Slow."

"Yes." To demonstrate, he dropped his arm and straightened up. Mo didn't immediately move away. In fact, he made a point of leaning against him full length. Always that contradiction.

Mo looked him in the eyes. "I don't want that either."

He waited, but Mo only dropped his head then stepped back. After a few minutes, he turned and left.

-oOo-

Three days went by. He saw Mo around school. Each time he did, Mo was back to glaring at him. He didn't press the issue. Was a bit on the embarrassed side, all things considered. Figured he'd spend the next while regaining his composure. His lost dignity. Under no circumstances would he ever throw himself at Mo again. That was done. Probably for the best. He had a vague notion that one's first love was something tragic, that took years to get over, therefore –

He didn't actually feel a blow. But since he was in the processes of making violent contact with the side of the school, and the back of his head was tingling, he assumed something hit him. He managed to turn his head aside so he didn't smash face first against the bricks, but he'd been too close to the wall to begin with to avoid hitting it altogether. Didn't from going down completely. Sprawled against the wall until it dawned on him that he might be concussed; things were fuzzy. Someone was screaming in his ear. Spit actually sprayed the side of his face, but the screams themselves were distant. As if heard under water. He was yanked around so his back was to the wall.

Oh. Little Mo. Who else would it be. And a crowd of people behind him, sniggering and whispering to each other. Not the least of whom were Jian Yi and Zheng Xi. Those two were howling with laughter.

Speaking of howling, Mo was still going on. He couldn't hear a thing. Strange. Dude's face was red, eyes bulging. Apparently asking him something. When he didn't answer, this pushed Mo past all endurance. Another punch sailed toward his face.

Except he was now done and past done. That punch didn't have a hope of landing. He caught it, stooped, and slung Mo over his shoulder. And that had the crowd cheering like crazy.

Mo

He considered his options. Tian was holding him far too securely for escape to be possible. He knew, since he'd tried for many long and humiliating minutes. Tian's grip became downright violent. He supposed he was being taken to Tian's house. For several blocks, a large part of the crowd followed them. Taunts, jeers, recordings, and whistles until Tian turned and told them quite politely to fuck off. Away they went, with a few parting jokes. School was going to be hell for the foreseeable future.

Which meant nothing. The important thing was what happened next. Tian's stride was long and sure. Not at all as if he was carrying a grown man. He wasn't exactly hurrying, but he wasn't dawdling either. Behavior that suggested Tian was not pleased at the moment. This wasn't the guy who'd told him he was safe and that he loved him. This felt like the guy he'd first met. The jerk.

He was carried up the stairs with no visible effort. Tian wasn't even out of breath. He saw him fish his keys out of a pocket, heard the door unlocked. Was carried inside, whereupon the door was locked, the keys put on a hook. He was then carried to Tian's bed and thrown unceremoniously onto it. "Who the fuck do you – "

"Shut. Up."

Oh, he's pissed all right. The shock of that command was what kept him silent. Tian stripped off his jacket and threw it aside. He stood looking off to the side too, out his window, hands on hips. When he turned back to look at him, there was nothing kind or tolerant about his expression. It wasn't angry. On the contrary, it was dangerously smooth. Likewise, his voice was controlled to a murmur that barely moved his lips.

"A few days ago when you were here, you asked me a question. Asked me what I wanted from you. Remember that?"

"Let me out of – "

"I think it's my turn to ask that question. What do you want from me?"

He glanced at the door. Maybe he could get to it and snatch the keys off their hook before –

"Don't even think about it. Answer me, before I throw some punches of my own. I'm sick of this."

"I'm not answering shit."

Tian gave a slow nod. "Then stay away from me. The way I stayed away from you."

"Why? Why does everything have to change all of a sudden, simply because you want them to?"

"No. See, the time for talking is done. I gave you the opportunity to speak. You just said, not ten seconds ago, that you're not talking, so get the fuck out. Now."

"Why'd you'd bring me here, then?"

"You've got five seconds, Mo."

"I'm talking, all right! Fuck."

"Two seconds."

"Will you just – hey!"

Tian snatched him by the arm and threw him towards the door. Or tried to, but he grabbed his shirt and hung on. Ended up pulling the taller guy into a stagger, which he then exacerbated by going limp and dragging them both to the floor. He maneuvered so he was straddling Tian's hips. Tian went stiff and still, eyes narrowed. He lunged for Tian's mouth.

Tian caught him by the jaw. A bruising grip that forbade any thoughts on kissing. He met the stare —now Tian was angry— with an unflinching look of his own. Pressed against that hand. Didn't let up pushing, not until that hand slowly, by excruciating degrees, relaxed. It didn't let go. Tian made a point not to let go, but the pressure behind it reduced until he was able to move in and put his lips on Tian's. No response. After a second, he lifted his head.

"You do everything under the sun to seduce me," he said to those grey eyes. "I don't give in. The second I do, you don't want me to touch you. The fuck is wrong with you? How come you were so relentless when I didn't want you, but now that I do, you back off? The fuck is that?"

"I thought you loved me. That you'd say it. Maybe I don't want someone who can't tell me for sure that they love me. I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

He sat back, still straddling Tian's hips, and considered this. After a minute, he got up and walked to the window, arms crossed. I should be in fourth period right now.

Tian was moving around somewhere behind him. He heard the faint squeak that said Tian had taken a seat on the couch. When several minutes went by in silence, he joined him, but made sure to keep a good two feet of space between them. He was shaking, but he hated this weirdness between them, so it had to be said. "Please don't make fun of me."

"I won't. Just tell me what you're thinking and feeling. No matter how bad it is. I won't make fun or laugh or interrupt. It's just…I bared my soul to you. And now I'm embarrassed. I feel stupid. Like I shouldn't have said it."

"You regret it?"

"Not my feelings. And I guess those were never a secret. But forcing this issue, yes. I regret that. We can't go back to how things were before, now."

"No, we can't." He spread his hands and stared at them. "For me, saying I want you and want to fuck you is me saying my feelings. Why would I say any of that if I didn't…have feelings?"

"What kind of feelings?"

He dropped his head into his hands. Stayed that way. "When I left here the other night, I thought we were in a relationship. Because I said yes to it. I told you I didn't want to go slow. Truthfully, I didn't expect you to even let me leave. Thought the second I told you I wanted to fuck, you'd have your dick in me. But I left, got home, and actually got to school the next day without so much as a dick pic."

Tian shifted, but said nothing.

"When I saw you at school, saw how you just walked right by me…do you know how scared that made me? Like, did he just hand me a dream only to snatch it away? But then I thought, well maybe he's waiting for us to be alone. But you stayed away from me for three days, no text, nothing."

"I'm your dream?"

"I dream about you a lot."

"Oh."

"So…what gives?" He turned to face him now, bending one knee on the couch. "Now that I'm accepting your advances, why are you pulling away? Because I can't say I love you?"

"Can't or won't?"

"Won't."

"And that makes all the difference." He stood and took his shirt off. Unbuttoned his fly.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting naked." The pants were off. "You joining me?"

"Oh. We're fucking?"

In answer, Tian went to the bed and pulled the blanket aside.

"So I need to take his ass down," Mo finished by saying. "Lure him in, lock him down, and get this shit done." He glared back and forth between the two members of his audience.

Jian Yi shared a glance with Zheng Xi. "What do you think, Xi Xi? He lost his mind, or what?"

ignoring him, Zheng Xi stared at the whiteboard and its scrawled illustrations. "So let me summarize: Tian asked you over. You guys confessed your feelings and came to an agreement to be boyfriends – "

"To have a relationship," Mo corrected.

"Relationship. Right. But then he let you leave his apartment and…?" He held a hand up in the air.

"Ignored me for three days," Mo said wrathfully. "Not so much as a look. Then you know what happened."

"He took you back to his place and fucked you like mad," Jian Yi crowed. He pumped his fist for effect.

"That's what I thought would happen." He scowled at the marker. "We almost did, too, but he couldn't get it up. Said maybe it was a sign. That we should just be friends after all. After I fucking told him shit."

Zheng Xi stroked his chin. "I see. How unfortunate. And this, all this on the board, this is the plan to…?"

"How many times do I have to explain it? He got me over to his place and forced me to admit all that shit. Now it's my turn to force him." Why couldn't they understand?

Zheng Xi studied the board with intense focus. "By luring him to a location."

"A warehouse." He violently circled that point on the board with his marker. "You two will have to help me find an abandoned one, but once we do, you guys padlock it shut."

Jian Yi leapt in, evidently proud to have remembered this part. "At which point you rape him into submission."

Mo gave an emphatic nod. "Not rape, but that's the gist."

"Then I'm going to have to conclude that you have, in fact, lost your mind," Zheng Xi stated. "Let me ask you this...no, don't give me that belligerent look. Why do you have to resort to these measures? Why can't you just, I don't know, call him? Ask him, in plain language, what the disconnect is? Because we've all seen how he feels about you. Hearing from your own mouth that you want a relationship with him and are ready to fuck…personally, I didn't think anything could keep him from you if he ever got the go-ahead. So, something has to be stopping him. And I don't think it was his inability to perform. This," he jerked a hand at the whiteboard, "doesn't seem like the smartest plan for finding out what that is."

Jian Yi nodded, face pleasant and interested.

Mo twisted the cap on the marker, now frowning at the board. "No."

"Why?"

"Because I'm mad! And he deserves this." He rounded on them. "And I just feel like doing the attacking for a change. He's always so in control, that smug piece of shit. Now it's my turn."

"Oh. Well, that's good enough for me then," Zheng Xi said. "When do we start?"

Tian looked around his loft. All was in readiness. He pulled out his phone. "All right. Time to try this again. 'My place. Urgent. I mean it this time, I need help.'

Mo

He sneered at the screen then shoved the phone down a back pocket with a sniff and resumed his walk.

You sure you want to ignore that? This could be your chance to finally get laid. Maybe talk things through.

He stood in the middle of the sidewalk, contemplating this. None of them had been able to locate an available location. Every warehouse or condemned building was crawling with undesirables. Many of those people had been armed. He hadn't given up, not yet. Zheng Xi was at that moment scouting new construction sites. He was actually on his way to meet him.

'You coming or not?'

He turned around and headed for Tian's. I can always trap him at a later date.

-oOo-

The door was cracked, the room beyond it dark. He froze at seeing this. Listened for intruders. Heard nothing. That door was never left open, even if he was expected. Images of Tian bleeding to death exploded across his mind so that he ran through the door yelling his name.

Tian was on the floor, highlighted by a shaft of moonlight, and lying in a pool of red.

"Tian!" He dropped to his knees beside him. "Shit, I didn't think you were actually hurt!"

"Mo…" His voice was so weak. "You came."

"What happened? Who did this?" As gently as possible, he pulled Tian's torso onto his lap. "Was it She Li? Let me call an ambulance." He fished for his phone.

"Wait." Tian pulled his own phone out. Punched in four digits.

A loud, rumbling hum shook the floor. Movement from the corner of his eye had Mo crying out and clutching Tian protectively, but it wasn't an attacker: a metal panel was rolling shut over the doorway. A similar apparatus was lowering over the window. Both closed with the finality of impregnable machinery. "Tian," he squeaked. "We're trapped." It was pitch black.

"To keep us safe."

"We need to get to a hospital!"

"No…that's not the best option right now. Only you can help me."

"Fuck…okay…okay, you sure? Tian, I – "

A faint sound reached his ear. He felt Tian moving, then a flame sprung up somewhere in front of him. This was touched to a candlewick. Light bloomed around them. Not much, but enough to see Tian wilting with the extent of his wounds. "Help me…"

"How?"

"Take my shirt off…"

"Yeah, sure…are they coming back? Is anyone coming to help us? How bad are you hurt?" The shirt was off. He frowned at what he could see: smooth skin, nothing more. "Where are you hurt?"

"Here." One limp hand drifted over his chest.

He leaned close, looking for a stab wound or a gunshot hole… and saw a small circle of red stuck to his ribs. His pulse leapt and started racing. He put a hand over the wound to stop the bleeding, then frowned as the circle stuck to his hand. Whatever it was, it was soft. Like velvet. Then looked more closely at the red on the floor he'd initially taken for Tian's blood. Rose petals.

Shock at the sheer nerve of such audacity left him motionless.

Tian put the lighter in his pocket and settled himself in his arms. "Now. Where were we?" His brows puckered in an imitation of misery. "Oh, yes. Help me, Mo." He put the back of one wrist against his forehead.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." He stood, dropping Tian to the floor.

"No…ouch. I need help."

He was inspecting the window. The metal was steel. It felt solid. Expensive. The real deal, apparently. "The nerve of you. I can't even find words. What help could you possibly need?"

"Mo. You're killing me. See? I'm dying. Save me."

He waited for more, but no explanation of this cryptic comment was forthcoming. He turned to demand one, practically fainting in the extremity of his rage. Several more candles were lit. Tian's chest was now glistening. A previously absent bottle of oil was sitting next to him. He stood blinking at this for several moments. In the back of his mind, he noted how Tian was panting and moaning in a parody of agony.

But then the petals, candlelight, and bare skin came together in his mind and he thought he'd have a stroke. Keep it together. You're locked in here…exactly the way you planned on doing to him. What are the odds? "You crazy son of a bitch. Let me out."

"First you have to save me…muhnehogin" His voice dropped to a whisper.

"What?"

"Make me whole again. I'm really dying, Mo. Please. Help me."

He stood in rank disbelief as Tian went so far as to unzip his pants. The edges of his fly were peeled apart to reveal straight dark hairs. "This is rape."

"No, it's not."

"I don't want to be here."

"Don't you?"

"What's that supposed to mean? This is against my will, so it's rape. Let me out."

"You have to help me first."

"Does helping you involve touching your dick?"

Silence. It was almost funny to see Tian's mouth hanging open as he searched for a plausible response. "Please save me," he said again. "Save me, and then you can go free."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"So let me get this straight. You will let me out of here if I have sex with you. Correct?"

"No. If you save me."

"Save you how?"

"Only you can know how."

He thought about that. Stood glaring down at the spectacle Tian made. Couldn't get past the oiled chest and unzipped pants. You need to cut the shit, Mo. Now. This is precisely what you wanted. "If you don't want sex, why are you half naked?"

"Don't I make a pleasing sight? You wound me further when I'm already dying from your neglect."

"My neglect?"

"Yes..."

This was starting to sound bizarre, even for Tian. "So…me saying I wanted a relationship, that I wanted to fuck you…that's neglect? Or is neglect me saying those things and you ignoring me for three days."

Tian was sitting up. Looking at him now. "I'm pretending none of that happened. I figured we could have a do-over. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I really do need a solid answer one way or the other."

"On?"

"On what you feel. I'm sorry, but I can't let it go. If you have no feelings for me whatsoever, if my attentions are completely and emphatically unwelcome, say it. Right now. Straight out. And I will open that door." His phone was in his hand, thumb poised. "Or tell me you love me so we can stay in here."

"And if what I have to say isn't a yes or a no? If I say nothing?"

Tian tilted his head. "If I don't hear a no in the next sixty seconds, it's a yes. You love me and -"

"Thought me not saying yes before meant it was no?"

"- I'll assume you want me to come over there, take your clothes off, and take this relationship where it needs to go."

"Rela – so now it's a relationship? This is abuse!"

"Could be." He shrugged. Did something to his phone, then showed him: the timer was at 58 seconds and counting.

He couldn't look away from those numbers. "Why do you get to make this decision for the both of us?"

"Because I'm tired of being confused. And you said you wanted to fuck me. That you want me."

"So? I don't owe you anything no matter what I said."

"Then tell me no."

"I don't want to lose your friendship because of this. Either I'm your boyfriend or you just fuck off into the sunset? How is that fair?"

"It's not. I make no apologies."

A sense of dread settled in his gut. "Touch me, and I will fucking kill you." He looked between Tian's unblinking stare and the digital readout of 17 seconds left. The numbers went to single digits, then zero. The tiny alarm made him flinch, but he was ready.

Tian put his phone in a back pocket as he stood. He paused, looking him up and down. "Still time to say no." He stalked toward him, eyes taking in the balled fists. "Just say you don't want me to touch you."

"I won't be bullied. I mean it, stay away from me." He widened his stance.

"Tell me you love me."

He raised his fists to chin level.

Tian stopped. "Is that a no?"

"It's a fuck you."

"Then it's a yes." His tone was light and conversational. When there was nothing between them but a few inches of space, he said, "Come on. Stop me."

God, the way he said that. Like pure sex just rolled off his tongue. It pissed him off twice as bad. He threw a punch that Tian caught. His hand was twisted up behind his back, an action that forced their chests into hard contact. Tian's mouth swooped toward his. "Even if I do have feelings for you," he bit out, "the way you exploited them to have me come running, used what I said against me, trapped me here against my will, and ignored my request to leave tells me that what I feel doesn't really matter. I thought you were my friend. That I was safe around you. That's what you said. If you cared about me, you wouldn't force me like this."

That stopped Tian in his tracks…for two seconds. He tightened his arms around him. Their bodies were pressed together in intimate disregard for protests and resistance. "Well, then." Tian considered the grim line of his mouth. "Why didn't you stop me when you had the chance?"

"I said let me go."

"Escape lies in telling me you don't want me to touch you."

"That also means losing your friendship."

A grin slashed Tian's face, revealing his gleaming teeth, before he tamed his expression into a smirk. "And, after all this, me forcing you so ruthlessly, you still want to be friends?"

He searched those gray eyes. Despite the smirk, the eyes were serious in the extreme. Calculating. All hint of fun quashed beneath the very real possibility that he might be told no.

The way he was being held intruded on his wavering thoughts. No matter that his body was board-stiff with insult, Tian held him securely. Firmly, but gently, with one hand splayed below the nape of his neck. And, given the full-bodied contact they enjoyed, the lack of an erection on Tian's part was also noteworthy. This entire situation was an outrage of transcendent proportions, but even so he was being treated with as much respect as the circumstances would allow. "I wouldn't give you up," he said.

Tian caught his breath. Released it in a careful question. "Even after this?"

"What is 'this'? What do you intend to do here?"

"That would depend on you."

"No, really, what's the meaning of all this? If it's not rape, what is it?"

"I told you. I want you. Completely."

"Then why'd you let me leave that first night? Why'd you ignore me for three days? Why did you tell me we should remain friends?"

Tian winced. "I thought I could let you come to it in your own way, on your own terms. Then." He met his eyes. "You give me anxiety."

"Anxiety. You."

A crooked smile.

"And you couldn't think of a better strategy than to trap me against my will? Fuck, Tian - "

"I didn't actually think this up. I overheard - "

"This has got to be the most fucked up thing you - "

"Mo Guan Shan. I have been throwing strategies at you for months. You don't respond to any of them. Figured I'd take this page from your book. Now. I've expressed my feelings in every way I can think of. I'm at the end of my rope." He dropped his forehead to his. "It's all or nothing now. I'm willing to lose you if I can't have you. So just…say…no. Put me out of my misery once and for all."

The forehead contact was too much. There wasn't any desperation in Tian's voice. More like a weary finality. Between that, the forehead, and the ongoing embrace that wouldn't let up, he was starting to feel trapped.

I could fight him off, but who'm I kidding? He'll win without even trying. I won't be able to get my hands on that phone long enough to figure out the code, and this fuck is perverse enough to really carry out his threats. I stay silent, I'm fucked. I say no, I'm fucked. I say yes, I'm really fucked. The injustice wasn't to be borne. He clenched his jaw. Can't win. But do I want to? Seriously? Winning means losing him. Even now, with his rising anger, that thought hurt his insides. What I want are my own fucking terms. That's all I've ever wanted.

Tian

The remarkable stillness Mo maintained for so long was delicious. Never had the guy been so quiescent in his arms. As the silence drew out, he was tempted to pull him closer, bury his nose in that inviting neck…lick…

Mo wrestled himself free, violently and abruptly. That was shock enough, but the way Mo then shoved him had him stumbling back. Had to swing his arms for balance. He regained it as Mo advanced.

"End your misery?" Mo's voice was hard, his face livid. "Fuck your misery, Tian. You don't get to decide my consent. Not after you demanded it a first time, I gave it, you ignored me, then fucking ambushed me. The fuck do you think you are?"

"Mo – " He saw the kick coming, but couldn't quite believe…

That sneaker landed with the full strength of Mo's body behind it, dead center of his chest. He was catapulted off his feet entirely this time, to fall atop his candles. Faint stings told him a few flames went out against his back. He had time to be grateful he hadn't oiled that part of his body. Sensed another kick swinging toward his head, rolled, saw one candle still lit, and sprang off the floor with a yelp, lest he set himself afire. That one candle lit the room enough to see the way Mo watched him with narrowed eyes. He held a hand up for peace. "What the fuck, Mo! All I said – "

"I'm talking now, so shut up."

Why am I even surprised at this? He rubbed at the dirt Mo's sneaker left on his chest. I knew exactly how violently he'd react.

"Give me your phone."

"Why?"

Mo tilted his head. One of his vicious grins slit his face. "Why do you think?"

So. It was no, then. He tried to decide just how long he'd be grieving the loss of Mo as he reached for his phone. "You're not going to guess the code," he said. "I can punch it in for you."

Mo snatched the phone out of his hand and backed away with it at once. "It's probably some sentimental date."

"Actually – "

He stopped when he saw Mo throw the phone against the wall. The thing shattered beyond any hope of functionality. While his brain labored under a pall of stunned disbelief, Mo picked through the fragments until he found the SIM card. He snapped this in half with a thumbnail. Flicked the pieces aside.

"What the actual fuck, Mo!" He was across the room in a stride, kneeling at what was left of his phone. Looked up at Mo's impassive face, horrified. "You realize we're now stuck in here?"

"Exactly." His eyes were unflinching.

"I…" And that was as far as he got. Mo was taking off his jacket. His shirt followed. He hooked a thumb in his waistband, right over the zipper of his pants.

His mouth went dry.

"I have to ask," Mo frowned. "You really didn't back up any of this on the cloud or something?"

Answering was impossible. The shock was killing him. Mo sauntered away, clearly not that interested, and went to the window to rattle the metal covering it. He caught a mutter of no one getting through that. Mo glanced at the door, confirming that it, too, was impenetrable by normal means. He rubbed his chin, looking at the floor a moment. When he spoke, it was in a voice he'd never heard from him. Very subdued. Almost hesitant.

"I don't trust you not to leave me at some point, Tian. I want you. Okay? But I can't trust you. Probably because I don't know what it is you see in me. You were such an asshole, and then you just…changed. It was flattering for a while, but then it got creepy. I care about you, though. I do. I don't need to trust you to do that. You already know I think about you. A lot. And even though I want to fuck you, I will never just give myself to you. I mean, I already did and you rejected me. Said we should be friends, so this?" He tossed a hand up to indicate their imprisoned state. "This isn't about winning. You will never win me, and I will never give in to you."

His mouth had been open from the first sentence. It was dry now. He worked at closing it. Licked his lips, then immediately wiped his mouth. That gesture was foreign to him. "What is it, then?"

Mo frowned, then reached into his own pocket. Pulled out his phone. "Where's your laptop?"

"Why?"

But Mo spotted it sitting on the floor by his bed. He started to follow when Mo moved toward it and picked it up. Lunged when he got an inkling of Mo's intentions, but was too late to stop him from snapping the thing in half over one knee. "Mo!"

"Just in case you could log into whatever program you use to control this lockdown. And now, so you don't access it from my phone…" He smacked his phone on the corner of the end table until the thing was so much broken machinery. "I'll expect a replacement as soon as we're done here, naturally. Latest model." Mo pocketed his SIM card.

He couldn't speak. The aggression with which this situation had been wrenched from his control did not bare consideration. He stood nose to nose with Mo, as shirtless as he was. The one candle behind him lent a quality to Mo's fair eyes that left him breathless. Or maybe it was the realization that there was much to Mo's personality he'd never suspected. He might really be crazy. Used to think it was a façade, but he might actually be insane. Could pull a knife out next and try to kill me. Have I misjudged him this much? Who is this?"

"Tian."

He blinked himself back to the present.

"This is as safe as I'm ever likely to feel taking this step with you. And I want it to be you. My first time, it should be someone I have some regard for. I don't need love or undying promises. I just need you to not control me. Ever. This is about me doing this on my terms. Do you understand? I'm taking this."

"What about a relationship? Like we agreed on?"

"What about leaving me for three days right after I said that? Having me in your bed then saying yeah, nah, never mind? I will never open up that much again."

"Oh." Had he known how much damage he was causing when he said and did those things… "It's my first time too."

"I need to know you understand." He unzipped his pants.

"Yes." He swallowed. It was happening. Right now. What he couldn't stop thinking about day and night, and yet Mo didn't love him back. "Maybe we shouldn't do this?"

"Unbelievable." Mo turned away, hand scrubbing his face. When he turned back, he had a look of utter confusion on his face. "You know what, fuck it. What is the disconnect with you?"

"I don't know. I just need all of you. I want your heart."

"I. Won't. Give it. You won't be getting this chance again with me. It's here and now. That's it. And before you think to protest, let me remind you that you gave me very similar terms, so spare me your hypocrisy."

What could he say to that? His visions of melting Mo's cold exterior with the force of his passion evaporated in bitter disappointment. He looked at his hands.

"You don't know how to operate when you're not in control, do you." It was a snort. "Why?"

"That's not true."

"Really?" Mo took a step toward him. "All your…advances…were done with zero encouragement from me. The second I decide to participate in your madness, you pull back. Three times, now. You're a control freak."

"No. I just wish this was romantic and not so…transactional."

"Romantic?"

"You might not have feelings, but I do. You know that." He glanced around at his failed seduction, wincing now at the rose petals. "This was a stupid idea. I'm sorry." He couldn't bear to be seen. Turned away from Mo. His shame was horrendous. And now I'm stuck in here with him. He stared at the door and wondered if he could muscle the thing upward. It was simple corrugated steel. The quickest thing he could have installed on short notice. He'd watched it mounted and ran through what he could remember of the mechanism now. How hard would he have to lift to disable it? Probably give myself a hernia. Maybe I can –

A pair of warm hands came to rest on his shoulder blades. There and gone. There again. Stayed there a minute, then spread to hold his arms. A forehead dropped between his shoulders. The hands on his arms slid down to his wrists. Were pulled back, then inserted between his arms and ribs to circle his torso. He was held that way, from behind, with such uncharacteristic….he couldn't even find a word. It just wasn't Mo. More of this side of him that I don't know. He suddenly needed to see his face, to verify that he wasn't, in fact, sharing space with a madman.

Mo's expression was unrecognizable. Open. Calm. A hint of trepidation in the eyes, but looking back at him with conviction. Only the quick bob of Mo's Adam's apple betrayed the nerves he was hiding. He cares. He said so. It's love, I know it is. He just doesn't want to say it. And if it wasn't?

He slowly put his hands to either side of Mo's neck.

I can make him love me.

Mo

Well, that's it. Blew it, he thought at seeing the frown of distaste on Tian's face when he turned. He didn't have the words to say what hearing that Tian had feelings had done to him. This same guy had told him less than a week ago that he loved him. In a formal declaration, no less. Yet somehow that paled in comparison to the small, forlorn way Tian said he cared. There was something so helpless in it that he felt brought to the brink of madness in sudden reciprocity.

He knew the guy was attracted to him, desired him, loved him…he hadn't thought it went beyond that, really. Hadn't thought it was too big a deal. People said the L word all the time, it meant nothing. Wasn't like they were married or anything. What did they need with confessions of love and promises and all that drama? He just wanted to enjoy this. With someone he didn't hate. He didn't expect more from his life. Had no illusions that he could ever be in a true and healthy relationship with anyone. Personally, he intended to forget this entire episode if or when they got out of here, and carry on as usual at school.

But then Tian's whispered statement made his heart drop right out of his ass hole. He felt like it went rolling toward Tian right then because when he turned away from him on a wince of regret, it felt like his heart was yanked away from him too. His hand flew up to catch his gasp. Throttled it and the sudden tears that flooded his eyes. He spent several moments squeezing his face until he was sure no sob would betray him. Horror at just how much he did feel almost had him vomiting, but he swallowed this too. The burn in his chest and stomach made breathing difficult. I can't say any of that, no fucking way. And anyway, it's not…he's not someone to bet your whole life on.

But he wanted to. Suddenly he wanted to have him know that he belonged to him. But he hated that idea. The notion of belonging to anyone, being owned, controlled. No. Never. And yet…

He touched him. Gauged his reaction; if Tian jerked away, well then there was his answer. Everything was ruined and he'd be stuck in here until they starved. But Tian didn't move away. Didn't even flinch. I'm sorry, he thought as he put his forehead against that broad back. There was no welcome of his surrender, but no attempt made at distance either. He went so far as to hold him, willing it not to be too late, for Tian to forget everything he'd said.

Now Tian stiffened. Turned. That forbidding look.

The hands around his neck. He's going to kill me. I pushed him too far. He was too fragile, couldn't handle the disappointment, and now he –

He was pulled into a firm but gentle kiss. Released from it. Hands still on his neck, thumbs below his jaw. Pulled in again, then again, with greater insistence, until he locked his arms around Tian's head and took possession of his mouth.

-oOo-

Kissing wasn't new. Confession and surrender was, though. The way Tian lifted him, and he wrapped his legs around him, and the hand Tian fisted in his hair to steady him when he couldn't restrain himself…all that was new. The ravenous creature of need and desire that itched beneath his skin, that caused him to dive and grunt at Tian's face…that was new. He gripped Tian's hair with both hands, kissing him furiously, drunk on the knowledge that secret fantasies he'd nursed in the dark would at last be fed on actual flesh.

His back hit a wall. A hand invaded his pants. He panted above Tian's sweaty face, touching noses as that hand closed around his length. "Oh…fuck…"

Seemed Tian had a wild creature wearing his skin too: the gush of cum didn't even make him blink. He simply licked his hand clean, then squeezed his cock again, watching his reaction with narrowed eyes and a lip caught between his teeth. The strength to keep his legs around Tian left in that careful milking. It was leeched from him with each stroke, each squeeze, until he was perched on Tian's knee. He gripped his shoulders in weak hands, unable to breathe. "Stop."

The hand was withdrawn. He hung off Tian's neck, feeling soft nuzzles against his cheek and jaw, then his mouth captured was again. Tian held him against the wall until he could stand on his own. He came back to himself with a shudder and pushed Tian away. "Wait," he gasped when Tian surged back. He held him at arm's length. "I just – "

"What?"

I'm sorry. For saying I don't need your feelings. I do. This doesn't have to be transactional. "I don't know."

"You want to stop?"

No. "Do you?"

Tian searched his face. Blinked. Took a step back, ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know. No? This feels wrong, now. Forced." His face scrunched in self-loathing. "I'm getting nervous again." He turned and dropped onto the couch. "Look, I think we should just focus on getting out of here. This was a mistake."

And that's why I will never say those words.

He joined him on the couch. Hesitated, then decided to just ask. "If I'd given in at any of the times you tried to have me, or…made your interest known, whatever, what would have been your next step?"

"I don't know? Probably exactly what we were just doing."

"So, what was your endgame here? With the candles and rose petals?" He glanced at the candle. It sat in a puddle of melted wax, more than halfway gone. "Just kissing?"

In answer, he got the stubborn flex of Tian's jaw.

"Because with the door, the window, and everything, seems like you wanted more than kissing. Especially since that's not the first time us kissing. So…?" He rolled a hand in encouragement.

Tian put his face in his hands, then brought them down enough to stare at the blind window. His voice was muffled. "I wish you hadn't broken my phone. I want out of here."

"Scared?"

"No."

"Mad?"

"No."

Mo took a deep breath, watching Tian's profile closely. "Humiliated?"

More jaw clenching. He could see it beneath the thumb covering that side of his face. "Yes. I'm embarrassed. Ashamed of myself." He closed his eyes hard. "I'll admit to a certain amount of …boldness in the past with you – "

He snorted at the enormity of that understatement.

"I figured as long as you continued to get angry, it wasn't a big deal. But hearing you say you don't want to be controlled, or owned, or trapped by love…it makes me realize I've been a real shit. Especially hearing you say that this was as safe as you were going to feel. Me locking you in here…that wasn't cool. The way you pushed me back over there... It feels wrong touching you now. And you keep giving me these mixed signals. That doesn't help." His face did something behind his hands. His shoulders shuddered once, twice.

He stared at this. The way Tian's hands pressed harder against his face made it pretty obvious that some tears were happening. Fascinating. "I'm embarrassed, too."

Definite tears. The hands didn't come down. "Why? You did nothing."

"Not easy admitting how much I want you after rebuffing you all this time. Or the fact that I only did that because I liked being chased."

The hands were replaced with the inside of one arm. He looked at the faint glisten of snot and tears on Tian's skin and vowed that wouldn't be touching him. Tian was speaking. "What?"

"I said I don't know how to do this. Be other than a jerk. About this. Never done it either."

"Huh."

"Yeah." Tian was calmer. Looking at him with wonder and puzzlement. "Never thought I'd see you like this. Soft. Admitting these things."

He shrugged. Turned to lean back against the arm of the couch and study him in turn. "It's safe here. If you think I'm admitting to any of this at school or anywhere else, you're nuts."

"Ah."

"Never thought I'd see you crying like this."

Tian ducked his head. Went still a moment, then met his gaze. "I do have feelings for you, Mo. If I can say that, then I can show you what those feelings do to me."

He couldn't respond to that. "You're not a jerk. Least, you're not being one now."

"Thanks." Tian watched wax drip down the candle. "You still want to?"

"You?"

A glance not quite aimed his way. "I wanted this to be different. For us to…forget ourselves and let our bodies take over. For this to be passionate and memorable and…" he dropped his eyes in defeat.

"Oh." He wasn't quite sure what to do with such fairy tale notions.

"When you made sure neither of us would be getting out of here, what were you envisioning?"

He was brought out of thoughts about lurid magazines to focus on Tian, who was looking over one shoulder at him. "I just wanted to stop feeling helpless. Take charge of your incessant hounding for once." He watched Tian turn away on a whispered groan. "But I also wanted exactly what you just said. Why can't that still happen?"

"Can it?"

"I'm here. And willing."

Tian studied him very seriously.

"Got stuff?"

"What stuff?"

"Rubbers and stuff."

"Yeah." He blinked. "Got boundaries? Stuff that's off limits?"

"Not really. Nothing too gross, though."

"Same."

"Cool. Go wash that junk off your arm. I don't think anything else needs to be said."

The lamp on the bedside table was on, leaving a comfortable mixture of shadow and visibility.

They were naked, maybe ten feet of space separating them. He allowed himself long, captivated seconds to take in the unparalleled glory of Tian's body. "Holy fucking shit."

"Don't even." Tian ran reverent fingertips down his bicep. "You're mouthwatering." He actually swallowed.

He closed eyes. The better to give himself up to the sensation of Tian staring at his body. The knowledge of being exposed had him covered in goosebumps. His face warmed with a flush that spread throughout the rest of his body; his cock filled until it felt ready to burst. He watched Tian's eyes track the drool spilling from his slit and shuddered. He saw Tian note this too, saw the slightest of frowns form between his eyes. "I want you," he told him. "I just want you. Let go."

Tian closed the distance between them. He had a moment right before they touched where his heart did a powerful slam against his ribcage in a leap of excitement. Finally.

-oOo-

A few lingering nerves tempered the urgency of their desire for a few minutes. He's not taking and I'm not giving, Mo reminded himself. We're sharing. He relaxed into a kiss and felt Tian do the same. It was weird. He wanted this, was participating in it, but he felt brittle with excitement and speculation of the unknown. Hyper-aware of all the new sensory input. He could hear the sound Tian's fingertips made as they dragged down his chest. Smell the drizzle from Tian's cock. Hear the irregular shudder of Tian's breath.

He was shaking. Felt close to coming at the way Tian kissed him so deeply, and how strongly he could feel Tian's pulse beating against his palm where he had a hand resting against his neck. He put the other hand on Tian's chest to verify. Felt the galloping of his heart, a steady thump against his hand. When he looked in Tian's eyes, there was so much love, so much longing and trust in that gaze that the words were almost yanked out of his mouth. Almost. He bit his lip to keep them in, but they came out in the flooding of his eyes. No one in the world could feel that much for me. Not for me. He was shaking his head. Tian stopped him. Brushed one tear with a thumb. I'm not gonna say it. I swear to fuck I'm not saying it. Tian kissed his neck. Stayed there, rubbing his lips in aimless patterns along his jaw.

Breathless, he was the one to reach for Tian this time. Held his turgid member. Squeezed the heated weight of it. Tian pulled back and filled his lungs. Their noses circled each other, sharing breath. He rolled his palm over the tip several times, gathering the moisture that slicked his hand. He used this to lubricate things. Dipped his other hand low, stretching the sac until Tian bared his teeth. Tian used his jaw to push his head aside, before latching onto his neck with a painful bite. He soothed the hurt immediately by sucking on the area, then switched to laving his tongue up to one ear. Mouthed the lobe. Whispered, "Don't stop."

He'd gone limp between the bite and the lobe sucking. He brought a shred of focus back and resumed his stroking. Tian's forehead dropped to his as his breathing became shot. He leaned up to swallow his grunt when he came, pumping him viciously until a set of nails dug into his forearm and made him stop. "You're not going to make this easy for me, are you," Tian said.

"Be your meek little bottom? Fuck nah." He wanted to tear the skin off Tian's body, rip him bloody in his lust for more. He settled for snapping his teeth at Tian's face. Caught the tip of his nose.

Tian snatched his head back. The sheen of sweat on his brow gave him a few seconds of pride…until Tian's trademark smirk bloomed across his face. "In that case…"

Tian shoved him to the bed and leapt up to straddle him before he could roll away. For good measure, he pinned his arms to either side of his head. Kissed his throat. Down, up, down again. Spread kisses across his chest, now bracing his palms on the bed. Circled his navel with his nose. Poked it in. Dragged his chin down the faint line of reddish hairs that led to a denser profusion. Abraded his face in those hairs, then let the bobbing cock bounce across his cheeks. Several times. Sniffed the entire length, lipped the ridge of flesh around the tip –

He felt a spike in his excitement; the sense of warm breath on his cock almost blinded him with desire. I can't wait another second. He hooked an ankle behind Tian's shoulder, holding him still, and closed a hand tight in his bangs. Held his head steady to pin him with a glare. "Do it." He yanked his head forward.

Tian

He obliged with all the restraint of a starving wolf. He swallowed Mo whole, shunting the head of his cock to the back of his throat on a groan of relief. All he'd wanted, for months now, was to suck Mo off until he was screaming.

He quickly realized he didn't know what he was doing.

But he learned. Pulled back a bit. Gave himself space to seal his mouth around that cock. Timed his breathing after some initial struggle, so that he was slurping, bobbing, and breathing in a smooth rhythm. Mo's other ankle caught him behind his other shoulder and clamped. This allowed Mo to shove his hips upward, seeking more. He had to hold those hips down with a forearm until he could adjust, but when he did he gave him everything he had. Sucked with all the force at his command, hollowing his cheeks. Gave brutal attention to the tip, knowing how sensitive his own was. He was rewarded with the cords on Mo's neck standing out as he yelled. The telltale swelling was all the warning he needed. He shoved the cock as far into his mouth as he could stand, holding Mo's thighs wide. Several warm spurts filled his throat. Mo shuddered, then relaxed all his muscles.

He crawled up his body to inspect his handiwork. Mo's head was turned to one side, breathing ragged. "Perfect," Mo said. "I want more of that, just like that." He turned and smiled at him.

"More cocksucking?"

"More of you." When he just stared, Mo added, "And don't be gentle."

Little shockwaves went off all over his body. He shoved Mo to his stomach and yanked his hips up. Spread his cheeks. Paused there, relishing the shiver that passed over Mo's skin. Noted that he was trembling too. Wiry hairs dusted the tightly closed ring of flesh. He blew on them. Pressed the cheeks apart, causing a tug on that hole that had Mo burying his face in the pillow on a lusty groan. Now, while holding his cheeks apart, he finally leaned in to taste. Kissed the hole with maddening gentleness. Grazed his lips against it. Mo shuddered violently. He thought he heard a curse or two muffled in the pillow. By gradual, infinitesimal degrees he increased the pressure of each subsequent kiss. Gloried in the way Mo tried to pull his ass free. He held him in place. Finally, at the end of his hardest kiss yet, he opened his mouth and closed it on that pucker. It was already humid from all the kisses. Now he drenched it with the flat of his tongue and sucked.

Mo screamed. A howl he shoved into the pillow. He could see where Mo had the halves of the thing squished to his ears and almost laughed. He thought he might draw blood soon, he was sucking so hard. Mo was punching the bed, jerking his hips, sobbing and shouting, "Don't stop! Don't you fucking stop!" interspersed with animal growls of pleasure.

"Okay no, stop. Stop, I can't take it," Mo panted, pulling away in earnest.

"What about no gentleness?"

"Fuck me. Now."

Oh. He grinned, stopped, then couldn't help the laugh that did fall out of him. "How long I've dreamed of hearing those words." But he sobered as he reached for the bedside table where lube and condoms sat. He snagged one of the condoms and tore it open. "You sure?"

In answer, Mo snatched the condom and set it to his cock. Tried to roll it down his length. It kept rolling back to its original shape. He helped by holding down the tip, once it was on, thereby letting him get the rest of it down his shaft. "What size are these?" Mo asked.

"Standard."

"A little vanity wouldn't have gone amiss."

He sucked air between his teeth at the pain. "Meaning?"

"Meaning I keep hearing guys brag about how they're so big condoms don't fit. Fuckers trying to do their girls without protection. This looks uncomfortable, man."

"Hurts." He frowned at his reddening cock. It bulged halfway down, where the condom stopped. "Get if off."

They tried, but it wouldn't budge. There wasn't even room in the thing for them to pinch up some slack and pull it off that way. Mo resorted to placing his teeth against the tiny bubble of air at the tip and bit a hole into it. He used his fingernails to hold the edges and pulled. The hole widened and the condom at last split…but his cock was still strangled by the condom's ring. "Sorry," Mo said. He braced Tian's cock in a solid grip, pulled hard on the ring, and slipped his forefingers through. Working fast, he snapped it apart. He saw him inspecting it as he eased himself down to the bed in relief. He covered his eyes with a shaking hand while Mo switched examining his cock.

"I take it you've never bought condoms before?" Mo said as he fingered the red indentation around the middle of his now-soft appendage.

"Never had occasion to."

"I didn't want to embarrass you or make you feel like it was all I cared about, because it isn't. But take it from someone who's seen his fair share of cocks: you're not standard size."

He gave him a sideways glance.

"It's actually very…nice," Mo said with a touch of his own embarrassment. "That your appearance matters so little to you. Sort of makes things difficult for us, though. Moving forward tonight."

"I'm sorry. This is my fault."

"How could you have known? And it's not like you can control your size." He chewed his lip. "The way I see it we got two options. One, I top. I think your condoms would fit me. Two, we do it raw."

"What about protection?"

"I see you went with option two. Here's the thing. You're my first, I'm yours. We're clean. You're the only person I've ever even kissed. Never had a blood transfusion. Honestly don't hang with people to such an extent that I could pick up their diseases. You?"

He didn't have to think. "You're the only one I've kissed."

"So…raw?"

"Raw."

He reached to turn off the light, then buried his face in Mo's shoulder. Momentarily overcome by the magnitude of what they were about to do. Finally, finally, it was happening. After a minute, he kissed Mo's neck. It never ceased to amaze him how such a prickly guy had such soft, kissable skin. Soft jaw, covered with downy fuzz. Soft chin, even softer lips. The silken feel of Mo's tongue was all he needed for his cock to be so swollen it was painful. Mo shifted at feeling it. Pressed something into his hand. He frowned toward it, breaking the kiss to do so. Explored it with his hand, examining the shape. Oh. The lube.

He squeezed a liberal amount into his palm, then spent several delicious moments rubbing this on and around Mo's entrance. Mo held his legs behind the knees, giving him access. He doused himself next, wincing at just how sensitive his cock was. It was still sore from the condom too, but no way in hell was he stopping. He walked forward on his knees and lined his tip up with Mo's hole. His eyes were starting to adjust; Mo was a shadowy shape against the sheets, but he could see the quick nod of permission.

He pressed forward.

It was like pressing against his thigh or stomach…yielding but impenetrable. His cock kept slipping upward to poke Mo's balls, or downward and then under his ass. He took hold of his cock to hold it still, pushing directly against that ring of flesh. There was the tiniest give, but Mo made a sound like a hiss of pain. He pulled back immediately.

More lube didn't help. Finally, Mo said, "I think…I don't want to say it's too big, but I think you need to use your finger first. Heard about it."

"Oh."

They tried again. Bottle of lube was almost done. He carefully worked an index finger into Mo's ass, alert for anymore sounds of discomfort. Mo tensed, but spread his legs wider.

The hole was forbiddingly tight. He was patient. Stopped whenever Mo needed a moment to adjust. Worked a second finger in. Spent time corkscrewing the digits in and out, sometimes scissoring slowly to widen that entrance. Mo shuddered whenever he did that, but didn't complain. How he was supposed to get his whole cock in here, he didn't know, but he couldn't wait to. He privately thought the pleasure of putting his cock into such a hot, tight hole would have him swooning.

Mo

He couldn't stop his shivers. Shit felt so good he thought he might actually go insane. He couldn't think. Then he envisioned the size of Tian's cock. That's going to hurt. He could put his whole hand up my ass to prep me, that shit will still hurt. But he didn't ask him to stop. No matter how gross or uncomfortable things got, he wanted all of it. Every experience of this night, every second of Tian touching him like this. Gradually, the fingers felt less intrusive and more stimulating. Each time Tian scissored them apart, he felt his cock pulsate in response. His groin was drenched with his own excitement. Felt like he was having a heart attack, his heart was beating so hard.

At last, Tian drew his fingers out. Waited. Knelt there, rubbing his thighs and helping him calm down. He reached for him. Tian fell forward with a smile and a kiss that he didn't let him pull away from. Tian settled between his legs. The cock beating against his stomach was hard to ignore, so he didn't. He mentally traced the tip he could feel leaking on him, trying to imagine it entering him. His stomach rolled over in nerves and excitement. He buried his face in Tian's neck. "Now."

This time when Tian positioned himself, he put his legs over his shoulders and pushed with steady pressure. "Stop," Tian hissed. "Stop opening and closing your ass like that, I'm going to come."

"I can't help it." He yelped at a push that was a little too hard. "Yo, go slow with that. As slowly as possible."

Tian nodded. He was sweating heavily and had to constantly readjust his kneeling position to maintain his balance. The last of the lube was used to lubricate them both. He almost cursed at the fingers on his hole, so sensitive was it. Lip caught in his teeth, Tian tried again. He relaxed his sphincter as much as he could but all he could think about was being torn, and bleeding, and –

Tian slid in half an inch, grunted, knelt there quivering, then pushed in halfway.

The pain was unmentionable. His legs fell off Tian's shoulders as his body instinctively resisted. Tian coming right then helped, but not much. He dug his nails into Tian's back, screwed his eyes shut, and clamped his teeth together. Tian held him just as rigidly, not breathing.

Thank almighty fuck Tian went soft. Only when that sizzling, about-to-be-split-in-half feeling retreated could he relax. Relief was immediate. Tian likewise held him with less panic and more with an air of comforting him. The feel of his soft, fat cock was delicious. He stared at the ceiling, one hand stroking Tian's damp hair as he marveled at the fact that he was inside him. All literalness aside, he felt whole. Complete. So incredibly safe and cherished.

Tian fell into a tiny doze. He smiled and kissed his shoulder. Snuggled him close, comfortable beneath his weight. "I do love you, you fucking brute, but you'll never hear me say it," he whispered.

At length, he realized all pain in his ass was gone. He contracted his muscles, testing, and Tian jerked awake with a huff of surprise. He did it again. Tian leaned up on an elbow. They could both feel how quickly he was hardening. Done this way, the penetration didn't hurt at all. Instead, he found himself filled with heat and an ache that demanded Tian start moving immediately. He squeezed a last time, as hard as he could, positively destroying Tian's lingering sleep fog.

Tian

Mo was panting. He stared at his shiny face as he eased back, then gave a slow thrust. He had to stiffen his elbows at the sudden weakness of so much pleasure, but he did it again. It dismayed him that another climax was so close again, so soon. "Fuck."

He had to stop. Mo squirmed beneath him, around him, and that was it, restraint was history. He jerked forward on a hard thrust, digging his nails into the sheets to keep from coming. Mo made a strange sound, like a cough. He opened his eyes to see. "You okay?"

"Oh, my God."

"I'm sor – "

"This is the best fucking night of my life. You're killing me right now, make no mistake, but it feels so fucking good." He squeezed his rectum again, an uncharacteristic squeal leaving him.

Tian collapsed as another climax burst out of him. He lay trembling on Mo for long, breathless minutes as he went soft again. Mortifying. Absolutely horrendous performance. Mo stroked the sweat from his brow. Thumbed it from his cheeks. Kissed him. Nibbled his lips, his nose. "Fuck it," Mo said. "I do love you. And it terrifies me."

He was hard again instantly. Things were so wet now, and less tight, that this time when he attempted to thrust, the result was glorious. He was missing it, missing the experience because his brain had short-circuited ages ago, but he couldn't stop. Couldn't take the time to savor this. He pumped to keep from shouting in joy. Pumped with tight, controlled movements that had Mo doing that growl and locking his ankles at the small of his back and his arms around his head. Panting against his neck. Saying his name over and over. Climaxing against his stomach in a rush. His own climax was safely out of reach for the time being, thereby letting him unleash the full power of his body.

"Stop," Mo gasped.

He stopped. Let Mo shudder and pant his way back from the brink of another orgasm. Resumed at his nod. The friction, Jesus. He dropped his forehead to Mo's, and nearly came as four fingers raked the skin off his back. Pinned the hand down on the mattress and double the force of his thrusts. He was completely drunk. Mo actually tried to punch him.

"The fuck off me!" Mo snarled. There was a scuffle. He ended up dislodged, tackled a twisting, cursing Mo, then flattened him to the bed face down.

They were still. Wheezing.

He tried to gauge if Mo was mad. Kissed his jaw. No response. He laced their fingers together. Mo squeezed back. There was a subtle relaxing beneath him as tension drained out of Mo. After some minutes, Mo arched his back. His lower cheeks parted enough to allow his cock, and that was all the invitation he needed. He leaned sideways enough to position himself, then slid in to the root. Mo's ass grabbed him like a hot glove. "Christ."

Mo got his knees under him. A position that gave them both leverage and allowed for a depth of penetration they'd yet to achieve. He grabbed those slim hips and backed off the bed to stand on the floor. Waited until Mo spread his knees and gave a nod to continue.

Mo

This can't be happening. He was drooling onto his forearms. Nothing in life can feel this good. I'm dead. I'm dying, I'm fucking dead. He'd come a while ago, a weak spurt that somehow intensified what was going on in his ass. Now he just felt on the verge of coming constantly but knew there was nothing left. He was by turns chilled and scorched by the pounding Tian was giving him. Sometimes he found the strength to clench his ass cheeks. Not his hole, his cheeks, and Tian would make interesting sounds while he shuddered to a halt. There'd be a few seconds of relief, and then off he'd go again.

At some point, he reached behind himself to put on hand on Tian's stomach. Tian stopped. He was able to ease off his cock and flop to his side. Tian joined him and held him close. That was nice. His head was pillowed on Tian's bent arm. He could feel himself drifting toward sleep. Then that cock was nosing toward his ass again and suddenly he vaulted over and landed face down on Tian's chest. Tian reached between them to grab his cock. "Goddamn, give me a second, will you? Let me live." He sat up. Shook his head at Tian's raw, red cock. It was still hard.

His ass needed a break. And certain things needed to be addressed. Such as the fact that he had no idea what Tian's dick tasted like. Time to fix that.

He had to smile at the way Tian's face first fell at seeing fucking was done for the time being, then lit up when he realized he was about to get sucked off. Tian grabbed the base of his shaft and held it toward him. He took hold of it himself, nudged Tian's thighs wider, and went straight for his balls.

Tian went stiff, mouth an O of extreme pleasure. "Muh-Muh-Mo, oh God…"

He rolled the furred orbs around his tongue. Sucked with a gentleness that had Tian keening. He still had hold of Tian's cock. Every time he pulled on his sac, his cock throbbed in his hand. He could smell himself on it. The musky odor had his mouth watering. Tian was twisting and grabbing the sheets, but stopped when he felt lips set to the tip of his cock. Letting saliva fill his mouth, he pushed it between his lips and used this to facilitate a slow slide down and around the head of Tian's cock. Just the head. He watched the way Tian hyperventilated a moment, before hollowing his cheeks with the strongest suction he could manage. Tian was gushing, bowing up from the bed so that he had to reverse his position and sit on his chest. Tian didn't miss a beat. He latched onto the hole now near his mouth and applied some wicked suction of his own. Tian's tongue entered his ass and that…that had chills chasing up his spine. He moaned; Tian retaliated by grazing his teeth on his sensitive ring. Then it was a battle to see who could make who stop tormenting the other first. He was able to slide half Tian's cock into his mouth, stretching his jaws. Saliva flooded his mouth, coating the shaft and the hand he had fisted around the base. He used hand and mouth both to set up a dance of sucking and twisting that Tian withstood for maybe ten, twenty seconds. "Stop," Tian hissed. He stopped. Didn't release him, but gave him a little break. He could feel a hand rubbing his side. He didn't know if it was for Tian to soothe himself, or if he was trying to keep him from striking up such brutal suction again. But then he was given the go ahead to resume and decided it was the former.

There was no mercy in him. He slurped excess saliva so there was no lessening of what Tian would feel. Tightening his mouth, sealing that cock securely, he then sucked with all the force at his command, glorying in the power he had over Tian. Tian's yells said it all: he was at his mercy. This. This was what he'd wanted, to feel utterly and indisputably in control of something for once. Most especially the gorgeous and eternally self-possessed He Tian. Now he was the one possessing him and he took shameless advantage. Tian lasted another fifteen minutes before the tone of his noise changed and the back of his throat was treated to several spurts of warmth. Before he could pull off, cum was dripping out of his nose. He gave a final lick around Tian's cock before releasing it.

Tian rolled and maneuvered so that they were face to face, side by side. Tian was still out of breath when he said, "If that isn't the sexiest thing I've ever seen." He wiped a thumb beneath his nose. Leaned in for a long, fragrant kiss. "Where did you learn to do that?" he said as he flopped back in exhaustion. "Virgin my ass."

"I could ask you the same question." He squeezed his sore ass muscles. "But I'm not surprised. I don't know anything you're not good aaahhuuuh – " A yawn cracked his jaws and swamped him with sudden fatigue. He felt weak as a kitten.

Tian

He watched Mo burrow against his side in slumber. He was of half a mind to wake him so they could continue, but his own body chose that moment to remind him that he'd been engaged in strenuous activity for well over an hour. He spent many blissful, dreamy seconds watching Mo sleep before his eyes drifted shut.

He woke later to find it was morning. Thin slivers of light were visible under the steel covering the window and through the holes dotted on its surface. Mo was kissing his neck. Trailing kisses along his jaw, to his mouth, which he met him with a sleepy groan of contentment. Mo climbed on top of him and wriggled at feeling his rising cock. He was just grabbing Mo's head to deepen the kiss when a furious pounding made them each sit up in fright.

There was a commotion outside his loft. Several voices exclaimed at the steel in place of wood. Then one voice violently hushed them all. A second or two of silence before the steel rippled and protested beneath the onslaught of someone's fist. "Tian! He Tian!"

He went still. Mo stifled a snicker. "Cheng?" he called.

A few murmurs, which Cheng silenced more angrily than before. Cheng raised his voice. "What is the meaning of this? I couldn't reach your phone at all. Last known location put it here. Are you in danger?"

He almost laughed. The note of barely restrained panic in his brother's voice was as strange as it was welcome. Very privately welcomed. But Mo chose that moment to drop both hands to his cock and strike up a sinuous twisting that robbed him of breath.

"Tian!"

"I'm fine!"

"Why is this steel barricade here?"

"Obviously to keep people out. Look, I'm busy, so – oh, fuck…"

"Has someone threatened you?"

Mo was squeezing as well as twisting his hands and he'd just spat on his cock to lubricate things. "No. I want you to – "

"Can I come in? I want to asses the situation myself."

"No."

"Tian – "

"I'm fucking." Mo bounced in his lap a few times, trying to kiss him to silence.

Whispers. Hisses. "…What?" Cheng said. His voice sounded closer to the barricade.

Mo was laughing. But then he stopped hunting his mouth to shout over one shoulder. "Yo! Got your brother's dick in my hand as we speak. How 'bout you come back in three days?"

Several moments of silence. Then, "Tian?"

"I'm afraid I have to agree," he answered with difficulty; Mo was biting his neck, one hand now teasing his nipple. "I'd appreciate you leaving us to it. We have food and water to last us. Come back in three days and break that steel. Mo disabled my phone so I'd be unable to let us out of here."

This time the silence outside the door stretched so long he thought his brother left. But then Cheng said, "Very well. Three days. Noon." He heard muttering. Someone taking up a position in front of his loft. Cheng probably left a man stationed in the hall, to remain until the three days were up. Just in case some emergency happened.

He gave Mo a playful pat on one flank. "Where were we?"