Disclaimers: Naruto is someone else's, this is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.

Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, angst, hopefully some decent jokes, and (of course) beautiful SasuNaru love.

Chapter 18: Ups & Downs

"This is the part where I kiss you."

-Cynthia Hand

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"Jesus- Sasuke. Are you seriously hard right now?"

The Uchiha glared daggers at the ridiculously loud moron. "Can you keep your fucking voice down?" he hissed. "It's morning ok- what the hell do you want from me?"

"You can't get hard in a hospital. It's like getting a blow job at a funeral."

"Ok- in no way is it like that."

Naruto looked pointedly at Sasuke's crotch before meeting his eyes again. "It's weird, Sasuke. Just admit it's weird. The only hard bodies that should be in a hospital are the dead ones."

Sasuke choked. "God- that was dark. Was that supposed to be a joke?"

"I think I'm losing my mind in here."

Sasuke nodded. "Time to get you out of this place. Besides-" he ruffled his mop of hair, "I think you're strong enough now to get the curse removed."

Naruto bit his lip. "Is it weird that I'm nervous?"

Sasuke studied him for a moment, watching the anxiety play out over his face and sink deep in his eyes. "Not any weirder than my hospital erection apparently."

Which is of course the moment that the freaking Hokage decided to grace them with her presence. She cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow.

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. "Great."

Tsunade looked between the two, clearly amused. "Well, I'm glad you're both.. up."

"HA!" Naruto chimed in. Sasuke clapped a hand over his mouth and turned his attention back to the Hokage. "I'm assuming there's a reason you're here..?"

Tsunade glared. "Insolent, pain in the ass.." she muttered, "Show some respect to your Hokage!"

Sasuke just stared at her coldly, waiting.

She sighed loudly. "'I'm here to check on Naruto. We have everything ready for the ceremony. We can have the curse removed today- if you're up for it, Naruto."

The blonde ripped the hand off of his mouth, "not as up as Sasuke- owww! Dammit, Sasuke! Ok- ok fine." Naruto rubbed the spot on his arm where the Uchiha had punched him. "I overdid it anyways- Granny Tsunade beat me to it." Naruto's eyes shined as his impish grin stretched. "Speaking of beating it-"

"If you keep fucking talking about it, I am going to shove it down your throat."

Naruto's mouth dropped open- rather invitingly, Sasuke thought- and he turned bright red. "Granny is in the freaking room you perv!"

"Alright. Well." Tsunade cleared her throat, but that immediately brought her mind back to Sasuke's last comment. "I'll.. ahh- I'll just be going." On her way out, she paused and called over her shoulder- "when you're ready, stop by my office", and then she left.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Sasuke dropped down, grabbed the little loud mouth, and pulled his ass close. He pushed his hips firmly against him. "So.. wanna help me with this?"

"Ahhh!! Sasuke- stop that!"

The Uchiha licked the side of his neck and brought his lips close to Naruto's ear. "I know you don't mean that" he breathed, huskily. Then he let go of Naruto's hips, swung off the cot, and padded into the bathroom to.. get ready for the day, leaving behind a flustered little soon-to-be uke.

It took forever, but they were finally able to sign Naruto out of the hospital, and then they were both free to leave. Sasuke hoped they wouldn't need to be there again for some time. He glanced over at his blonde, who's wide smile didn't seem to meet his eyes.

He didn't think Naruto could take much more.

They were heading over to see the Hokage, both lost in thought, when Naruto's stomach decided to break the silence. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at Naruto, then dropped his gaze down to the stomach erupting whale sounds.

"Stop shaming me, Sasuke."

"I didn't say anything."

"What do you expect? I've been in the hospital for like 3 days!"

"Almost two weeks."

Naruto stopped, cloudy blue eyes widening as they stared at him. "What..?" he breathed.

Sasuke ran his fingers roughly through his hair. "Naruto, you were in a coma for a week."

Naruto just stared, cerulean orbs flicking back and forth between heavy obsidian ones. "You're serious?"

Sasuke nodded.

"But you- did you stay at the freaking hospital for two weeks?!"

"Almost two weeks."

"Sasuke!"

The Uchiha reached out and rubbed a thumb along Naruto's jawline. He smiled. "I told you. I am never letting you go again." His jaw clenched as emotions flooded through him. "And I meant it."

Sasuke took another step towards him, and Naruto moved closer. Chests heavy, mouths dry, they lost themselves in each other's intense gaze. Another step closer, heart pounding, their eyes drifted down to parted lips..

"Sasuke!!"

They both froze. Sasuke was immediately fucking livid. Naruto blushed- not exactly sure if he should be embarrassed, angry, or hurt that he was- yet again- completely invisible to someone he had considered a friend for years.

"Christ- Sakura. What?!"

The pink-haired shinobi slowed down to a walk, unsure about Sasuke's sudden anger. She bit her lip and twirled her hair as she approached. "Is something wrong, Sasuke-kun?" She fluttered her eyelashes at him before turning narrowed eyes on the blonde. "Naruto!! What did you say to Sasuke?!"

"Why do you assume I-!?" Naruto started, but Sasuke cut him off.

"Why do you always blame him? Why are you so goddamn set on Naruto fucking up?"

Sakura's eyes widened as she turned her focus back on her crush. What is he saying?

"Sasuke, why are you-?"

"I am so tired of you treating him like this."

Naruto put a hand on his chest and pushed him back half a step. "Sasuke, stop."

"No. I should've fucking said something a long time ago." He turned his attention back on Sakura, watching her eyes fill with tears as it dawned on her that the person her crush was so angry with was.. her. "You have been nothing but cruel and hateful towards him since day one. Does it make you feel better about how goddamn incompetent you are by talking down to him, or do you just get off on it?" He snapped.

Sakura's hands shook as she brought them to her mouth. Tears streaked down her face as she looked back and forth between Sasuke and Naruto. "Sasuke.." she croaked. "Why are you saying these things?"

"Because I fucking love him. And he doesn't deserve to be mistreated."

Then he grabbed Naruto's wrist and pulled him away from the shock and envy crawling all over their old teammate.

Sasuke was too pissed to talk, and Naruto was still mentally catching up. When they got to Ichiraku, Sasuke pushed him down onto a stool at the counter, and took the one next to them. They put in their ramen order before Naruto finally found his voice again.

"What the hell, Sasuke?!"

The Uchiha's eyes shot over to him, startled by the sudden outburst. "Jesus- what?"

"You didn't think that you should talk to me first before just outing us?!"

Sasuke's eyes burned. "Is there a problem with people knowing?" he ground out.

"No- but there might be a better way of going about it!"

"Wonderful, well I'll make sure to ask your permission next time I decide to share how I feel."

Naruto sighed. "Sasuke.. that's not what I meant."

"Yo." The two looked over their shoulder to find Kakashi-sensei smiling down. "Thought I'd find you two here."

Sasuke stood. "Take my spot, I need some air." He stalked off without another word.

Kakashi sat down and Naruto slammed his head into the counter. "Don't fret, Blondie" Kakashi patted his head. "Sasuke has put up with you for a long time. He knows how this works."

Naruto turned his head. "That shouldn't make me feel better, but it does help."

"Good. Now, which one of these is Sasuke's?"

After Kakashi polished off the Uchiha's lunch and kept the blonde company for a while, he decided to go off and find the pouting raven. He was off to the side of the ramen stand on the edge of the forest- near enough to keep an eye on it, far enough away to be alone. He threw handfuls of shuriken into the trees nearby; mouth set, eyes filled with rage, as he assaulted stoic oaks with perfect precision.

"Which one are you pretending is Naruto?" Kakashi asked casually as he strolled up to him.

"The middle one."

Kakashi inspected the shuriken covered tree. "Seems to be your favorite target so far."

Sasuke sighed. "Always has been."

The silver-haired shinobi dropped a comforting hand on his shoulder. "He doesn't make life easy, does he?"

Sasuke gritted just teeth as he whipped another shuriken into tree-Naruto.

"You know he loves you, don't you?"

Sasuke paused just before throwing another shuriken into tree-Naruto. He swallowed and instead threw it into the tree next right next to it.. tree-Sasuke. "Yeah.." he pulled his hand through his hair, before looking over at his sensei. "I know."

"You should talk to him." Sasuke looked away. "Who knows," Kakashi went on, "this time he might even think before he speaks."

The Uchiha gave a half-hearted chuckle, then pocketed the rest of his weapons and took his sensei's advice. When he pushed back the banner flaps hanging from the top of the ramen stand, he found his despondent little blonde slowly slamming his forehead into the counter. Sasuke rolled his eyes, sat next to him, and stuck out his hand to cushion the next blow.

Naruto turned his head to look up at him.

"Let's not destroy anymore remaining brain cells, ok?"

Naruto grated his teeth, shoved his hand out of the way, and dropped his head back on the counter. "Leave me alone, Sasuke."

"You can't be the moody one, Naruto. I'm the moody one."

"No. You're the pretty one." he muttered. "Which means I get to be everything else."

"You're ridiculous."

"Do you really love me?"

Sasuke studied the blonde before gently lifting his face, watching as heavy blonde bangs dropped forward to hide the red mark left from repeatedly slamming his face into the counter.

"Dobe." Sasuke smiled. "You know I do."

"Me too" Naruto whispered, "I love-"

But Sasuke already knew, so he silenced him instead with a very public, completely unabashed, and deeply passionate kiss.

And now everyone at Naruto's favorite place knew too.

Author Note:

Once more- I think I'm hilarious. And once more- I assume I am the only one. Lol

At the very least, I hope you rolled your eyes. But honestly the goal was to make you spit-take, or cackle obnoxiously in a public place where everyone was immediately alarmed. And like a hospital erection or funeral blow job, I hope it was done in very bad taste- or at least seen that way. Because I am a bad person.. with a great sense of humor ;)