SIRIUS BLACK DOESN'T CATCH FEELINGS
…
A/N: This work was written for the QLFC, Season 10 Round 6
Team: Tutshill Tornados
Position: Chaser 1
Prompt: The Bear and the Maiden Fair
Optional prompts:
3.[pairing] a rare pair
4.[dialogue] "You stab them with the pointy end."
6.[relationship type] friends with benefits
Word Count: 1733
Enjoy!
N.S
…
Sirius Black shook his shaggy mane of hair and shot a glance out of the corner of his eye to see if she noticed.
It was after lunch, a long, stiflingly warm spring afternoon in the castle. The transfiguration lesson going on around him seemed to blur and warp – they'd been at it for the better part of two hours and Sirius found there was only so much of Professor McGonagall's voice he could take. He was sat on the end of a row of desks, the other Gryffindors next to him. Remus directly to his right taking dedicated notes. James the other side of him tapping a rhythm with his wand against the desk, bored. Peter on the other side of him, looking as though he was about to fall asleep any second now. There was nothing innately special about the lesson, and perhaps that's why Sirius's attention kept straying to her.
He chanced another glance. She hadn't looked at him all lesson, gaze fixed solemnly to McGonagall, the parchment in front of her, the window, anything but Sirius.
A growl built in his chest, threatened to jump out. First in annoyance at her, then in annoyance at himself. Sirius Black didn't do relationships. He didn't catch feelings for people and didn't care for their opinions. This girl was no different.
Perhaps she is, said a voice in his head. This is certainly the longest you've engaged with anyone.
It was true. This was the longest he'd ever kept anything going with a girl. It was coming up to two months now.
Lucinda Marie Selwyn. He'd initially been paired with her in potions, and they'd been given a project to work on outside lessons. Sirius had been mortified. Paired with a Slytherin? Slughorn must have been going round the twist. He'd assumed that she didn't want to fail the project, and, realising that Sirius wasn't going to show up to their uncomfortably arranged "study session", would simply complete it by herself. But no – when Sirius had failed to meet at their scheduled time, she'd stormed up to the Gryffindor common room (how she knew where it was located was still a mystery to Sirius) and threatened a second year to come and get him. By the time he'd stepped out of the portrait hole, still dressed in his quidditch kit from training and making a big show that he was in no rush, she'd been fuming, two deliciously pink spots on her high cheekbones and her hair mussed up from annoyance.
That's when he'd decided that he would, in fact, quite like to see her in such a state again, but perhaps due to different circumstances.
They'd arranged another "study session", and this one he'd actually made it to. He'd spent the whole time delighting in winding her up, teasing her and questioning her and enjoying the usually poised Slytherin getting all flustered. The next few study sessions went like this, and in their last one before the deadline he'd thrown caution to the wind and kissed her. They'd both been clammy from bending over the potion that was bubbling away, and her skin had been flushed and feverish when he'd touched her.
Since then, she occupied Sirius's mind more than he cared to admit. They'd started a friends-with-benefits relationship, one which was (mostly) a secret. With every secret rendezvous, however, he was increasingly finding himself out of sorts: his heart would beat faster on the walk to meet her; in spare moments he'd think about witty things he could say to her; he'd often have to catch himself at the shade of her hazel eyes lest he stare into them for longer than was acceptable. He wasn't catching feelings, of course – Sirius Black didn't catch feelings – and so he put it down to the thrill of doing something in secret, in engaging in something that, in the light of day, would be wholly unacceptable.
Doubt was trickling in at the situation now, however. Lucinda had failed to meet him at their arranged place and time last night, and all day she hadn't even spare him a glance. Sirius was far from being an insecure guy – since coming to Hogwarts and getting sorted into Gryffindor, he'd had to be his own biggest cheerleader, nobody else was going to do it for him – however he did often feel brutish around her. He was a bear, towering over her with his mane of dark hair, rough around the edges, and she was a delicate thing with her golden hair that coiled down her back, her small wrists and her soft lips. Perhaps that was part of the appeal for her, that he was something wild and off-limits. Something her friends and family most definitely wouldn't approve of.
But the truth of it now was: she was ignoring him.
Sirius hoped she hadn't finally come to her senses.
The lesson ended. Around him, students yawned and packed up their belongings, ambled to the door in the slanted afternoon sunlight. Remus, on his feet and ready to go, nudged Sirius in the shoulder.
"Everything alright, Padfoot?" he asked quietly.
Sirius mentally shook himself and slunk on the bravado that was second nature. "Of course."
He stood and packed his own things (or made a show of it, anyway, since he hadn't unpacked anything to begin with). Across the room, he saw Lucinda rushing out the classroom and leaving her friends behind.
She was definitely avoiding him, then.
Sirius swung his bag over his shoulder and rushed after her, a bear stalking its next victim in the woods. He knew it was impulsive. He knew someone might notice. But things weren't right and Sirius couldn't stand it any longer.
Being much taller than Lucinda, he caught up to her quickly. Before she had a chance to turn and see who was following her, he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into the nearest broom cupboard, shutting the door quietly.
"Sirius, what on earth-"
"Shhhh."
He pressed a finger against her lips. They made eye contact, and he drowned in the hazel, the colour seeping into him, burying itself in his skin.
She moved his finger away, whispering, "I demand to know what's going on."
"And I demand to know what's going on," he shot back. "You've been ignoring me."
"I haven't."
"You have."
"This is childish."
"What's childish is failing to meet me last night and not bothering to tell me."
Lucinda sighed and stared at him, chewing something over in her mind. Students could be heard passing their little hiding spot on the other side of the door, and Sirius realised he hadn't locked it. Anyone could walk in.
"I don't know," said Lucinda. "We're not right for each other."
Sirius backed her up against the nearest wall, caging her in with his arms. "Says who, Indie?"
Her lip twitched at the use of his nickname for her. "It's just—this would never work outside of our secret meetings. There isn't a world where this is normal."
"It's not supposed to work. We're friends with benefits."
As soon as the words left Sirius's mouth, he regretted them. He watched as Lucinda's face fell, as she tucked her emotions away behind her everyday façade one-by-one, slotting them back into place. A pang reverberated through Sirius's stomach. He'd messed this up. He'd royally messed up whatever it was that was going on between them.
Lucinda shoved at his chest. "Get off me."
"No," said Sirius. He wasn't going to let his own mistake end this.
"Get off me."
"No."
She pulled out her wand, repeating, "Sirius, for the love of Merlin, get off me."
He ignored her. "Do you know how to use this thing?" he said, flicking the side of her wand, an amused smirk pulling up the corners of his lips.
"Yes." She stuck the wand in the side of his neck, so hard he almost choked. "You stab them with the pointy end. Now get off me."
As Sirius looked into Lucinda's eyes, the point of her wand digging into the flesh of his neck, he found himself thinking he had never seen anything more beautiful. She looked like she wanted to kill him. He wanted to see that expression on her face again and again, over and over, basking in the fact he caused it, he was the instigator. He was the subject of her ire, of her emotion, the singular thing that consumed her.
"Indie, baby, darling," he said, holding up a hand in surrender. "I didn't mean what I said with the friends with benefits comment, even though that is in fact what our little liaisons are based upon-"
She shoved her wand into his neck harder. He gasped for air.
"I'm sorry," he said.
Lucinda twisted her wand a little. Godric, this girl was vicious. Perhaps she wasn't a delicate human whilst he was a rugged bear. Perhaps she was a bear slayer.
"Are you actually sorry or are you just saying that to keep getting what you want from me?" she said.
"I'm actually, truly, genuinely sorry."
He looked into her eyes, mustering as much sincerity into his expression as possible. She relented, pulling her wand back slowly.
Sirius sighed in relief and made to pull her closer, but she placed a hand on his chest stopping him.
"One last question."
"Anything for you, my darling."
She looked up at him. "Are you expecting to continue this in a friends-with-benefits fashion?"
The next word, again, shot out of Sirius's mouth without a thought:
"No."
Lucinda arched an eyebrow. "No?"
"No. I'm greedy and I'm selfish and quite frankly I want more."
Lucinda allowed herself a small smile, and Sirius wanted to bottle it up so he could drink it later on, when they would be apart in their separate common rooms. She tucked her wand back into her robes and this time when he tried to pull her closer, she didn't resist, allowing him to wrap her up in his arms, sighing deeply at the contact.
"I thought you hated me," he said, referring to the root of their argument. "I thought you'd come to your senses and were breaking things off with me."
"How could I hate you, Sirius?" she said, voice muffled against his chest.
"I'm no good for you. I'm a bear."
"What?"
"Never mind."