HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT

Ai shot up in bed with a gasp, grabbing blindly and frantically at her abdomen in panic and pain. The terrific agony that coursed through her stomach, spilling red hot molten iron into her guts, the knife felt as though it was covered in a web of lava and crackling flames. All thoughts aside from that horrible pain were erased from her brain as her breathing heaved from her chest and her heart raced.

The idol felt tears of pain prick at her eyes, and she hunched over, grabbing her guts tightly. She was bleeding. Bleeding profusely and endlessly. The stench of iron flooded her nostrils. She had to make it stop. She would die. She would leave Aqua and Ruby alone.

Aqua…

Ruby…

And just like that the memories flooded back to her. White flowers. A hooded face. A knife. Mind numbing, excruciating agony. Pain slowly being replaced by warmth and numbness.

Sleepy. Tired, so so tired…

A glass window. Her children, their suffering and pain rendered before her in clear detail. Tears, her heart crumbling into a thousand shards of glass. Then a promise to the gods, to never lie. To protect her kids. To live for them.

And like being slapped, Ai came back to reality her eyes shooting from her clean, white pajamas, devoid of blood and gore, to the calm stillness of the room. Her room. In her apartment.

"I'm alive…" Ai whispered in her mind, a small smile spreading onto her lips. "I'm alive!" She smiled broadly now. A rational person would've assumed the visons from before were simply a bad dream, but Ai knew.

That pain and those memories, they were far too vivid to be a simple dream. That had been real, for all the crazy pills they would prescribe her, she knew. That had been real. She had died. Her kids had suffered. And a god had given her a second chance.

The idol glanced at her phone, grabbing it quickly and tapping the screen. The date that greeted her sent a warm feeling into her stomach. One day before the dome. She still had time to change this.

She recalled from before that Ruby was staying at Miyako's today and coming over later to meet her and Aqua at a rehearsal for the dome. As badly as she wanted to see her daughter again, Ai knew that she had to wait until later. Aqua was here though, asleep in his room. Just like the first time.

Ai sat up fully, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, gingerly. Despite it all, she still remembered the pain, and her body seemed to as well. Placing pressure of any kind felt odd, unnatural, and she had the irrational fear of something tearing the second she tried to stand.

"What a weird feeling." Ai mumbled, willing herself to stand through the intense phantom…. tenderness? Wasn't really pain Perse. More like a muscle tear. Nothing to do but do it, she guessed.

Walking felt odd, unnatural. For an idol and a skilled dancer like Ai, walking feeling painful and clunky was beyond annoying. All her skilled choreography and practice, and yet putting one foot in front of the other felt like a monumental task. Ai felt her arm naturally begin to cradle her stomach; eyes watering as hot lances of phantom pain racked her.

Grunting wearily, she leaned against her dresser, gasping for air. "Am I running a marathon or walking to my kitchen?" Ai laughed despite the circumstances, shaking her head. As she leaned there, catching her breath, Ai looked into the mirror mounted above her dresser.

What greeted her were haggard purple eyes obscured under a mat of bluish-purple hair. Her normally shining skin was faded and dull and the smile that often adorned her face was absent.

She looked like hell. Felt like it too.

Ai felt the overwhelming urge to run to her children and scoop them into her arms, to hold them tight and cry into their hair. She felt the pang of tenderness in her gut swirl into a horrible hot pain. Grunting, she hunched over, tears forming in her deep purple eyes.

The pain in her stomach and heart ached as she thought of her children. The time she had spent in that glass had felt like years, and it was hard for her to shake the tormenting feelings swirling around in her being.

Flashes of Aqua's dead body lanced through her head and Ai gasped. A choked, strangled sob escaped her mouth before she could smother it. "Ill keep you safe this time. I promise you." She whispered to herself, lifting her head back to the mirror and glaring at the reflection.

Instead of her, this time she found a very unwelcome sight glaring right back at her. That of her own mother, mouth a snarl of anger and disgust.

"I won't become like you. I won't abandon them, like you abandoned me." A highly uncharacteristic growl ripped from her throat, surprising even herself with its ferocity. The mirror smirked back at her before as she blinked, she found her own bedraggled head staring back at her.

Sniffling and wiping her face on her sleeve, Ai pushed back off the dresser, feeling a bit more stable this time. She quickly changed out of her pajamas, putting on her favorite house clothing. "I died in this…" Ai grimaced as stared back at herself in the mirror.

It felt odd to wear, knowing what had happened to her when she wore it last time. Shaking her head Ai, slowly limped out of her room heading straight to the bathroom. "Wouldn't do to see them while looking so awful." She murmured. A basic clean up would do her some good; Ai would hate to scare her kids by looking half dead.

She tried very hard to suppress the intense shiver that raced down her spine at the thought. Her stomach churned uncomfortably, as she saw the visions of her kids staring in shock and despair at her corpse. Stop thinking about it Stop thinking about it Stop thinking about it Stop thinking about it.

It took her much longer than usual to finish her morning cleaning, with the sun coming up by the time she was finished. The walk into the kitchen felt much easier, with the tenderness in her abdomen easing up. Finally.

Ai felt an odd anxiety flow through her as she began to slowly walk towards Aqua's room. Every step felt like she was walking to her execution. She had seen him grow into a teenager engulfed in vengeance. Seeing her baby boy covered in blood, both hers and his, and that of his father.

Beyond this door wouldn't be that person, it would be her child, her son, unaffected by that tragedy. She would do whatever it took to protect him from that future. Anything.

As she slowly pushed the door open and her eyes took in the room before her, Ai felt that dread return in her full force.

"Aqua…" She breathed in her mind. The way he was staring at her, the look of absolute terror and despair in his eyes. Those eyes, the ones she had given him, had not the look of a happy child. They were the look of a young, tormented man.

Those eyes told her that he was staring at a ghost. Her feet carried her of their own volition. She couldn't control it anymore. She needed to hold him.

As she approached, Ai was blindsided by a horrifying scream that ripped from his throat as he stared at her. Like looking at a ghost…

Oh god.

There is no way.

Does he remember as well?

Without even thinking Ai rushed forward, pushing herself onto the edge of his bed before scooping him into her arms and holding him tightly. The scream petered off into aching sobs and whimpers as he grabbed at her clothes blindly. Ai held him like a vice, rocking him back in forth, even as tears swam in her vision and dripped down her cheeks.

A bitter smile crawled its way onto her lips. Ai lay her cheek against the top of Aqua's head, whispering assurances into his ear, as they lay there, crying and holding each other. She was terrified to let him go, for Aqua felt like glass in her arms and if she let him go, he would shatter into dust.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you…I'm sorry Ai…I-I-please don't leave me again…" Ai heard his mumbling words, cloaked in pain and wet by the sobs choking his throat. The Idol felt her eyes widen. He did remember. He mumbled the words incessantly, never ending.

She shook like a leaf in the wind. This was too much. The words came tumbling out before she could stop herself, spilling out in choked, shaky sobs.

"I'm here baby, I'm sorry." Ai whimpered into Aqua's ear. "You must have suffered so much. I'm so sorry Aqua, my sweet boy." Her words were cut by a strangled sob as she hugged even tighter. "I'm so sorry I left you alone…"

Aqua froze, before pulling away just enough to look at his mother with shocked, hollow eyes. Ai smiled at him, shaky and trembling, but a smile, nonetheless. "I saw. I…I'm so sorry I left you to suffer like that. I saw what you went through. I'm sorry." Her smile, usually so brilliant and glowing, was caked in agony.

Ai pulled him back tight to her chest, sobbing and mumbling the words over and over again. The façade she had put on around her children for years was crumbling under the weight of her grief. She felt Aqua cry again, staining her dress with his tears, but she hardly even noticed. Despite the tortuous grief, she was happy. She had prayed during her purgatory that she would get to hold her son one more time.

She had to say it this time, before it was too late. It felt like she would lose it any second. "Aqua, I love you. I love you so much. I'm sorry I waited so long." Ai cried out, filling the room with her voice. "Mama won't leave you, not this time. Mama loves you so much…" Aqua shivered in her grasp, sobbing heavily.

Many more minutes passed, almost in silence, with each other just needing contact. Aqua began to still, his sobs and shaking slowing down. He pulled away slightly, eyes puffy and red as he gazed at her with eyes full of mixed emotions. There was so many questions that needed answers, yet finding even the simplest of words felt like a monumental task through the thick cloud of emotion in the air around them.

"You…saw?" He seemed unsure how to word the question. Ai for her part found herself somewhat at a loss for words. How do explain to your child that you died and saw their life play out before being sent back to the day before your death. How also do you explain that when said child has lived out that life and remembers it all as well?

"I saw you and Ruby, your lives after I uh…died." The words felt odd coming off her tongue. A bit unusual of a situation, she laughed despite herself.

The look on Aqua's face was strikingly different from that of a 4-year-old, though given the circumstances that was hardly surprising. Ai hadn't come to terms with the fact that her little boy wasn't quite what he used to be. r

"How much?" Aqua asked with shaking words, a pale look on his face. Ai answered honestly, a sad smile on her face as she recounted her own experience in the afterlife. Aqua sat silently, his face a mask but his eyes told Ai all she had to know. He seemed somehow relieved? But there was a clear negativity in that expression.

Aqua's lip trembled again, and he averted his eyes, a bitter grimace came over his face. He tried to pull away, clearly feeling shameful and embarrassed, but Ai didn't let him. The mother pulled her son back into her embrace with a shake of her head.

"You don't have to feel that way Aqua, it's not your fault." Ai whispered, still holding him gently. "I…I abandoned you. If anything, it's because of me and because of my lies that things ended up that way."

In her embrace, Aqua relaxed a bit, but still gripped her arms tightly. He trembled slightly and Ai felt her heart break a little bit more; It seemed Aqua was feeling the same fear as her, as if letting go of the other right now would cause them to scatter into the wind like sand.

"But no more." Ai said resolutely, gazing down at her son warmly. The dark and pained eyes of Aqua were enough to shatter whatever fear the idol had left in her. "I'm not going anywhere this time. I won't leave you or Ruby ever again."

While it seemed he was all out of tears, Aqua stilled, falling back into her embrace, hugging her tightly. He had no more words left to say, as he lay there, soaking in the reality of the situation. Ai continued to rock him back and forth, until eventually he fell asleep. All this emotion was hard on a child's body. Despite the fact that he's not quite a child at this point is he.

The thought came suddenly, but Ai shoved it down for now. She herself was far too emotionally exhausted to deal with that line of thought yet. The day had hardly even begun and she felt like she needed a nap. However she did not dare to let go of her son, holding him even as she moved them both further into the covers.

Ai repositioned herself so she lay against the pillows and headboard, still cradling her son. As she lie there, stroking his hair and arm, the idol felt lighter, at peace. "Ahhh…If only we could've spent more time together the first time." Aqua had never been overly physical, with this being likely the most contact she had ever had with him. He always was a warm and friendly boy, but never quite this physical. Then again he had never seen you die in front of him before had he?

Ai felt her stomach churn once again. The thought of what he must've felt in those moments, as she cradled him to her blood soaked body., barely able to squeeze out her deepest confession through the sleepiness dragging her under. She gazed at him sadly. You are so strong, stronger than mama could ever be.

His life following her death had clearly been one of torment, just from what she had seen alone. While Ruby flourished despite her grief, she had seen her son become completely engulfed by it. Even as a baby he had been a rather intelligent but quiet child, and watching those traits magnify unhealthy was painful for a mother to watch.

She loved them. She loved them so much. How did it take her so long to realize it?

"I can't imagine the pain you must've went through…" Ai whispered to her sleeping son as she gazed down on him. He was breathing peacefully now, holding onto her gently, without the terrified clingy fervor he had earlier. Ai tilted her head back a bit and gazed at the ceiling.

"Thank you for giving me this chance."

Ai smiled, eyes shining as brightly as the night sky.