Chance Is A Fine Thing - Chapter 4
Georg awoke and opened his eyes. Seeing the unfamiliar surroundings, he took a moment to get his bearings and remember where he was. Maria's flat, or more specifically: Maria's bed! He smiled to himself thinking about their love making in the early hours of the morning. It had been a moment he'd wanted and dreamed of often for years. He could tell that she had been a bit nervous, and he had been nervous too, if truth be told. Georg could barely remember the last time he'd slept with a woman it had been so long and he hadn't wanted to disappoint her. They had taken their time, slowly undressing each other and savouring the experience; kisses being placed where clothing had once been, before collapsing into bed to continue their love making. Beautiful, sensual, alluring and sexy… Maria came to him with a delightful mix of shyness and experience. He enjoyed learning each and every contour of her body, his fingers slowly tracing their way over her curves and her most sensitive spots. In turn, she was bold, curious and eager to please, with every kiss, every touch, every taste bringing him more and more pleasure. It had been wonderful.
He stretched. It was lovely and warm underneath the eiderdown, despite the freezing weather outside. It was still early, the morning sun just barely risen. He was tempted to close his eyes again and get just a few minutes more of sleep, however he turned over in bed, wanting to be close to Maria again. But to his surprise, the bed next to him was empty.
He propped himself up on his elbows and glanced around the small bedroom. The room was empty, but the door had been left slightly ajar and he could hear soft singing coming from down the hallway. A moment later, Georg heard footsteps in the hallway and the bedroom door opened.
Maria appeared, dressed in a thin robe wrapped tightly around her slim body. She was barefoot and carrying a large tray laden with tea cups, a tea pot, pieces of toast on plates with various condiments.
"You're awake!" she exclaimed. "I made breakfast," she said shyly, motioning to the tray in her hands. "I was hoping to surprise you."
"You did," Georg replied pleasantly, moving a couple of pillows behind him so he could prop himself up as Maria sat on the side of the bed next to him and placed the tray in the space between them.
There was a bit of an uncomfortable silence as Maria poured Georg a cup of tea and passed it to him. He thanked her but he could sense some tension in the air between them. She didn't say anything as she buttered a piece of toast and dabbed some marmalade onto it. Watching her, Georg was reminded of Agathe and how much she used to love marmalade. It was very English, Georg thought. Maria had obviously adapted to living in England too after all these years. Maria passed the toast on the plate to Georg before she made herself another piece and took a small bite. Georg sipped his tea in silence as he watched Maria eat. Part of him was surprised that things could feel so tense between them, especially after they had talked almost non-stop the evening before, yet he'd had enough experiences with various women in his youth before he was married to know that nights of passion usually came with awkward morning-after-regrets. But he regretted nothing about his night with Maria and he was just about to open his mouth to tell her that when she spoke.
"You know," she started quietly, her eyes downcast. "I don't usually do… this."
"This? Breakfast?"
"No!" she looked up surprised, but then she saw the grin on his face. He was joking. She let out a little laugh. "No, I mean, inviting someone into my bed. I've never… err, apart from Bill, of course…" she looked embarrassed.
"I understand," replied Georg reassuringly. "I don't either, if that makes you feel any better. I mean, once upon a time when I was a young man in the Navy before I was married I did – I had a bit of a rakish reputation I suppose, but since Agathe died… no."
"Not even the Baroness?" Maria asked, wincing a bit at the boldness of her question.
"Once," Georg admitted. "But nothing after."
"Not even since you've been in America?"
Georg shook his head. "I've had a few dates, I suppose. But at my age, it's not like I have a line of women all ready and wanting to take me out!"
"I can't imagine why not, you're still very attractive, you know," Maria remarked looking at him. Even though his hair was a bit greyer and a little thinner, and he now had the moustache and goatee beard, she still thought he was one of the most handsome man she'd ever met.
"Well, possibly." But Georg shrugged her comment off. "There have been a couple women that I took out three or four times – Marta even tried to set me up on a blind date with her English teacher once!" he chuckled at the memory. "But nothing ever went further than a kiss or two."
Maria chewed on her lip for a second or two as she thought about Georg's confessions. "I don't know what came over me last night," she finally said in a small voice.
"I do. The same thing that came over me," Georg replied with a smile, reaching out and squeezing her hand. "But if you're wondering whether I regret what happened between us last night, I don't. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I love you Maria."
Maria gave him a little smile and looked down, blushing somewhat. The look he was giving her was enough to set her insides on fire. She didn't have much to compare to, since Bill had been the only other man Maria had ever slept with. Bill had always been so loving and gentle in bed and Maria had enjoyed every moment of intimacy with him, yet there was something about making love to Georg that was absolutely thrilling. She could practically still feel the sensation of his kisses on her body – his lips moving everywhere, the gentle brush of his beard across her skin, the touch of his caresses, the whispers of love and adoration in her ear and the intensity of his eyes as he gazed into hers as they made love.
But she had awoken with a sense of uneasiness, but not necessarily because she was wondering if she'd made a mistake. No, not at all, as she had very much enjoyed making love to Georg. But she had wondered what on earth he had thought of her. The last time they had seen each other ten years before in Salzburg, she was preparing to be a nun, for goodness sake! And here they were now in bed together. The very last thing she had intended the night before when she'd invited him up to her flat was to ask him to spend the night. Yet, in the heat of the moment, her impulsive nature of act first and think second had taken over and one thing had obviously lead to another. But hearing that Georg enjoyed their night together as much as she had gave her reassurance.
"So," she said after a moment. "What happens now?"
"After breakfast? Well," Georg took a quick glance at his watch. "Unfortunately, I have to go. I have several meetings that I need to attend." He flicked his eyes back at Maria who was looking disappointed. "But I'd like to see you again tonight."
Maria shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I'm working."
"Singing at the restaurant?" Maria nodded.
"Well maybe I could come to watch," he suggested. "I'd love to hear you sing again. And perhaps afterwards, we could ah… continue what we started last night?"
He raised one eyebrow and slowly ran one finger seductively along the side of her leg. That, and the smouldering look he was giving her was enough to make his meaning quite clear. He wanted more, and quite honestly, so did she. She felt her body start to tingle slightly with anticipation and her tummy gave little jolt. Maria gave him a little smile. "I'd like that very much."
"Good." He looked very pleased with himself. "But possibly at my hotel this time? That way we won't have to sneak around trying to avoid your landlady."
"Good idea. Yes, she can be quite fierce." Maria acknowledged with a short laugh. "I'm not quite sure how I'm going to slip you out of here."
"Well, let's worry about that later. I want to spend as much time with you as I can this week before I leave."
"Leave?"
"Yes. My business in England with finalising the Whitehead Estate is almost finished. I return to America at the end of the week."
Maria felt like she'd been punched in the gut. Of course she knew Georg lived in America but it hadn't occurred to her that he would need to leave at some point so soon to go home. She felt like a fool for not even considering it. She'd finally found him again and in one fell-swoop, she'd lost him all over again. Any daydreams of a possible future together were now dashed.
Georg saw the crushed look on her face. He could have kicked himself for delivering the news of his imminent departure so bluntly. He hadn't thought.
"Maria, I…" he began, but Maria cut him off. "On second thought, perhaps tonight may not work out after all. It sounds like you have a lot of things to do before you go home." Her voice sounded strangely aloof and she wouldn't meet his eye. Quickly she stood up and began to collect the almost-empty tea cups and breakfast plates and placed them back on the tray. "I probably shouldn't keep you," she mumbled as she picked up the tray and dashed from the room.
"Maria, wait!" Georg called out. He began to get out of bed to follow her when he stopped. Damn, he thought. His clothes! Quickly, he picked his way through the piles of haphazardly discarded clothes from the night before, finding his underwear and trousers and pulling them on then thrusting his arms through his shirtsleeves as he hurriedly left the bedroom. He didn't even bother finding his shoes.
Georg found Maria in the kitchen hunched slightly over the sink, her eyes closed. "Maria?" he called tentatively, placing a hand on her shoulder. She jumped slightly at his touch. "Maria?" he repeated as he drew her into his arms. She was shaking slightly. "I'm sorry," she whispered as he held her.
"No, I'm sorry. I didn't think…"
"No, I was the one who didn't think. Of course you have to go home."
Georg gently kissed the top of her head. "Maria, I don't have to go back straight away. I could postpone my return ticket – we could spend more time together."
"No," she sniffed. "That'll just be delaying the inevitable. You will have to leave eventually. You have your life and your family in America and I have my life here. It was never going to work between us. We may as well just end things here."
Georg admitted to himself that he'd never really thought through the consequences of pursing Maria after their chance meeting the night before. All he had thought about was how wonderful it was to see her again and how much he wanted to re-kindle their growing affections towards each other. But what it meant for them in the future with the obvious geographical distances between them had never entered his mind. But he knew that despite the obstacles, he couldn't let her go again.
"You could come with me," he suggested.
She pulled out of his arms. "To America? Oh Georg, be serious."
Georg stepped back and looked intently at her. "I am being serious. Come to America with me – as my wife."
Maria gaped at him wide mouthed for a second. "As your wife…?" her voice trailed off but then she shook her head. "I wasn't looking for a marriage proposal." She immediately shut him down.
He was stunned at her blunt and somewhat brutal rejection. "And I wasn't looking for a one night stand," Georg shot back, but the moment the words left his mouth, he regretted them.
Maria's eyes widened and instantly her temper flared. "How dare you!" she hissed. She tried to push past him out of the kitchen but Georg stopped her.
"Maria, wait. I'm sorry, that came out all wrong; I didn't mean that."
"Well what did you mean?" she replied hotly.
Georg paused, trying to choose his words wisely as he didn't want to upset Maria further. He took a deep breath as he started to explain. "Maria, you are… the woman of my dreams. I've thought about you practically every day for ten years and I would hardly be a man if I didn't want what we shared last night. But that's not why I stayed." He paused. "I've had my fair share of one night stands in my youth in the Navy before I was married. And I'm not proud of it. But the thing is about one night stands is they really are just meaningless. A pale shadow of what love is and what love should be and they have no future by their very definition. But Maria, with you…" he took her hands in his, "the love that I feel for you… I wanted, or hoped for more than just last night. I want a future with you." When Maria didn't immediately respond, he questioned her. "But why did you ask me to stay last night? You said before that you've never done this before: asking a man into your bed. So why? I don't believe you were looking for a one night stand with me either. If you weren't looking for a marriage proposal, then what were you looking for?"
Maria closed her eyes and bit her lip. His questions were incredibly valid. What did she want?
It had felt so right at the time to ask him to stay and she'd had only fleeting moments of feeling conflicted about her decision the night before and not even five minutes earlier she'd felt eager about continuing at least their physical relationship. But why was she hesitating and being so obstinate when he was offering her everything that she'd ever wanted? "I don't know," she whispered. "I mean I do… I wanted… and I had thought…" her voice trailed off.
"That we would have a future together?" he finished gently. Maria nodded. "You know I want that too, Maria. That's why I'm asking you to marry me."
Maria could feel her inner turmoil as she battled with reasons and emotions that she could barely put into words. She was conflicted by what she wanted and what was holding her back. And suddenly she could hear words tumbling out of her mouth, like they had a life of their own, hearing herself arguing stupidly with him and saying the most ridiculous things. And she couldn't control herself.
"No, I don't think it's a good idea."
"And why do you think marrying me would be such a terrible idea?" he challenged.
"We barely know each other."
"No, I think we know each other quite well enough. Is it my age? I know I'm not as young as I once was."
"No, of course not. I've never minded that you were older than me. But what about my life here? Are you expecting me to give all that up?" Maria countered.
"No, not if you don't want to. Are you happy here, Maria? Because if you are, I'll stay here forever with you, if that's what it takes."
"You can't leave your family, Georg. They need you."
"They're almost all grown up. They have their own lives to lead. I'm sure they'll miss me but they'll get over it soon enough." When she shook her head again, Georg was perplexed. This was the woman who had confessed her love to him the night before and asked him into her bed, now all she was doing was pushing him away. He couldn't understand it. "There must be something else, isn't there?" he asked. He paused for a second. "You don't actually love me?" Georg asked her quietly, hoping desperately that it wasn't the reason.
At once Maria's head shot up. "I love you very much, you know that, it's just…" her words failed her. His stare was intense and she found that she couldn't look at him anymore. She spun back around to face the sink. Oh help! What was wrong with her? Maria scolded herself. She knew she somehow had to find the words to try and express how she was feeling, her inner turmoil, so that he would understand.
"You may think you know me, but one night together doesn't erase the time apart from each other over the years. I'm not the same young almost-nun that I was ten years ago. I've grown up, married, been widowed and mourned a husband, lived through a war. I've changed…"
"I've changed too, Maria." Georg rested his hands on her shoulders. "I've fled my country, moved to another, lived through a war too, lost my eldest son, heavens… I'm even a grandfather now! Change isn't necessarily bad. But deep down, I think you are the same Maria that I fell in love with all those years ago and as for the rest, I want to spend each and every day of my life learning about you and cherishing the person you are."
When she didn't reply, he continued. "You asked me earlier about whether I've been with any women back in America. And it's true that I've had a few dates, but you didn't ask me about why nothing more meaningful ever happened. It's because, none of them were you! Even after all these years, I've never really gotten over you. I've thought about you nearly every day since the night you fled my party. And the truth is, now that I've found you again, I don't think I can ever let you go."
Maria wanted to accept him as she loved him desperately, but there was something else that was nagging at the back of her mind causing her to feel so torn and conflicted. She found her hand moving instinctively to grasp the ring that hung from the chain around her neck. "But what about Bill?" she whispered. "I feel so…" her voice trailed off.
"You feel like you'll be betraying his memory if you move on?" Georg asked gently. Maria nodded faintly, knowing instantly that he'd pinpointed the very reason why she was holding back from him. A single tear trickled down her cheek.
"Maria, I'm not ever going to tell you what to think, or what to feel. But I do know what it feels like to mourn a spouse, and wonder if you ever moved on if it that meant you were going to forget them. Maria, I don't want you to forget Bill, just like you showed me that I could not wallow in my grief of Agathe's death and hide her memories."
Maria felt more tears whelm up in her eyes and a huge lump form in her throat. She couldn't speak. Georg rubbed his hands up and down her arms, from the tops of her shoulders to her elbows. He continued. "Do you think Bill would be happy seeing you living like this? By yourself in this tiny flat and singing in a restaurant at night?" Maria wordlessly shook her head, knowing what Georg said was true.
He spun her back around so that she was now facing him again. "Do you ever feel like something is missing in your life? Because I do. I don't know - I'm happy in America, I suppose. I mean, the children are great and I love being a grandfather and part of me has just come to accept my life as it is. But that feeling is always there: the feeling of being incomplete and like I'm living half a life. Do you believe in second chances? I never really thought I did. But now, after finding you again, I know that I can't go back to living that half-life that I've been living. Maria, I think this is our chance to be happy together. Our second chance."
He placed a finger under her chin and lifted her face so that she was looking directly into his eyes. "I love you desperately, and all I want to do is to make you happy. I want to give you a home, a family. Give you the life you were born to live, and I want to share that life with you."
At hearing his words, Maria felt all her resolve starting to crumble. The tears started to flow freely as Maria confessed to herself that she wasn't happy, and hadn't been happy for a long time. She'd been lonely and miserable since Bill died and had been living a sort of half-life too, just merely existing. But her chance meeting with Georg the day before had made her feel happy, the happiest she'd been in years. She longed for a family and a home. And she knew that she'd never really gotten over Georg either. She loved him and also couldn't let him go. She wanted that second chance with Georg.
"So I want to ask you again, but properly this time," he murmured. "Will you marry me?"
Maria nodded her reply as she reached for him, their lips meeting in a kiss.
A/N: Once again, thank you for all the lovely reviews, I really appreciate them all. Just one chapter to go so I hope everyone will keep reading!