What if...

Wow- there was this person with big hair, and big everything, leather trews, thigh boots and a suede jacket- and she sparkled- the timeline practically did a little pirouette around her, I was goggling at her-

"Hallo, deary." She batted thick blonde lashes at me,

"You're- you're.." I searched for a word, "..shiny."

Her face split with the most gorgeous wide grin with an ample side order of lasciviousness,

"Have you met Jack Harness?" I found myself asking,

"Well now," she said, squaring up to me with alarming charm, "and who might you be?"

"Nobody! Nobody important!" I found myself fighting an instinct to back away, I had a sudden prescience that if this woman got her hands on me I would tell her whatever she wanted to know- and I'd really enjoy it. "There'd actually probably be some kind of annihilation reaction if you met him." I muttered, flustered,

"Oh, I like the sound of that." She purred, and looped an arm though mine,

Oh dear.

She steered me, almost without my own volition, to a cocktail bar, where she plopped me in a booth and ordered something complicated sounding from the autobarman, her eyes gleamed when I ordered pema water.

"Interesting choice of drink." She leaned forward, examining me minutely,

"Um, physiology." I muttered,

"Really?" she ran one crimson nailed, platinum ringed finger down the length of my hand and eyed me in a positively sultry way when I shivered, the autocart hummed up and delivered our drinks and I was released from her gaze, briefly. I sipped the water- just a hint of pema spice and limestone,

"Have you ever travelled in time?" I took the plunge, studied her reactions,

"Have I ever!" She shook her hair back and laughed, now she had me interested,

"Kate Gary." I put out a hand, she took it,

"River Song." She said.

Her arm looped in mine we trooped down the boulevard to the next bar,

"So I met this man with a blue box and these sexy little bow ties.."

"Bowties? Sexy?!"

"Can be," she said, "can be."

"You're married to the Doctor?!"

I felt a grin spreading itself across my face, oh how fitting- she was a sort of revenge in human form,

"Which one? Have you ever met the frizzy blonde haired one with the bad trip coat?" I edged closer in fascination, "Please, tell me," I said seriously, "that you met the little one with the hat and the umbrella?" I laughed so hard I slid off the chair, oh, that would be so sweet, she helped me up, still laughing,

"Now you've got me intrigued." She smiled, "I'm going to have to meet them." That set me off whooping with laughter again, I put an arm around her,

"River, I treasure the very notion." A thought struck me, I sighed theatrically, "If only I still had that time-skip fobwatch ." The thought creased me up with laughter again.

"What?" she said diffidently, pulling a flattened, decorated, silver sphere out of her pocket and waggling it at me, "This?"

"So," River said languidly, much later, "you're still angry with the Doctor."

"My Doctor- one of my Doctors." I acknowledged,

"You fell in love with him, then."

I glared, narrow eyed, at her, where she lay propped against the other end of the bed, River could be annoyingly perceptive,

"Do you love all his incarnations?" I tried to steer the conversation down a different track,

"All the one's I've met." She stretched languidly, loose crinkly hair sliding over her shoulders in a very diverting way, the bed creaked, again, "and I bet I could love them all." I blinked- she was going to visit them all and...

"What do you say," she beamed that megaWatt smile, "to 1,000,000 credits?"

The fall of the government on Arkansas 2 was going well- it was a done deal- tiny elite in a bunker, automated warmachines, poised populace, I just helped it along, leap-frogging a set of messy skirmishes as the govt clung onto power with lethal intensity. There was a lot of swearing by generals- I felt that was a very good sign, and a lot of explosions- firebombing the arms stockpiles, tank depots, and military communication hub had proved highly enjoyable- getting chased up a burning comm tower- not so much. Ah well, gravity was going to do its work imminently- the tower was beginning to list- if I climbed down and hit the warehouse roof it might break my fall. The roar of an approaching aircraft caught my attention- I thought I grounded all those? Actually, it was an atmospheric capable jumpship, coming in dangerously low and very slowly, like it was going to scrape the tower off it's foundations, then the cargo hatch opened and the ramp extended, I dropped and caught the ramp stanchion as it passed under me, laser fire fizzed on the hull and hardshot pinged off it, I scrambled inside.

The ramp retracted and the hatch thumped closed automatically behind me, leaving me in darkness, I scuttled forward to the cockpit, dropped into a bucket seat as the intent pilot pulled a whiplash-inducing climb heading for escape velocity,

"Hallo sweety." Said River.

"You owe me 1,000,000 credits." The shaking died away as we cleared the atmosphere, for a moment I thought she was billing me for the rescue, then I realised,

"You didn't!"

"I did." She said smugly,

"Ohh," wow, "and I wasn't there!" Lordy, I missed it! All those awkward Doctors! I started laughing,

"I thought you might say that." She put the ship on autopilot, pulled a glowing hologlobe out of her pocket and set it spinning in the air. An image bloomed out of it, taken from somewhere above a waltzing couple, River in a shimmering blue dress- dancing with the stern old Doctor, and he looked like he was enjoying himself, I knew my mouth was open but I just couldn't spare the attention to close it, the couple stepped away from each other and the Doctor bowed.

The scene changed, River- all sensible academic- with her hair tied back under control and glasses on the end of her nose talking to a sprightly little man in a dark tailcoat, thick, dark hair and dancing eyes, "You wear glasses?" I asked, the little man in the projection smiled and tapped the side of his nose.

"Only when I feel like it." River said regally,

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the scenes unfolding, there was River having dinner with a sophisticated gentleman with over-sophisticated clothes and hair, he smiled warmly across at her. The scene changed to a confused looking white dressed figure, white hat on head, both hands braced on an incongruous umbrella as River- in gold lamé- sauntered toward him- and then around him- I couldn't hear what she was saying but he visibly flinched and paled as she passed close behind him and leaned closer to whisper in his ear, coming around in front of him she smiled dazzlingly and he went red- something I had never seen, I whooped with laughter, then he looked directly into the unseen camera, wagged his finger at me, took River's arm and walked off camera.

I still hadn't closed my mouth, I sat back, swallowed,

"River, can I borrow..."

"No."

"But..."

"No." She scooped the hologlobe out of the air, "But," she took my hand, twining her fingers in mine, "you can come with." The fobwatch pulsed gently in her other hand, she grinned.