Disclaimer- I own nothing.
A/N- So this story has Lally Hicks in it, but you can't list her as a character! If anyone knows how to make that happen, please tell me. I wrote this mainly because I wanted to read a Lally fanfiction and there weren't any that I could find! If anyone knows some good ones, please tell me, I'd love to read some.
This story takes place in 1932, despite Lally telling Jacob that it had been little more than a year since the events of the first movie, because apparently this was confirmed and a newspaper Theseus is reading states what year it is.
New York, December 24, 1932
The bakery might have been small and the wedding even smaller, but that did not stop them from having a good time.
A Christmas Eve wedding, five years in the making. The ceremony was lovely, even if all the guests had to crowd in the doorway to watch Jacob and Queenie pledge themselves to one another, sealing their union with rings, a kiss, and old magic. They couldn't be married the Muggle way; no, those would create records that MACUSA was bound to find. So it was a small magical ceremony, sprinkled in with Muggle touches because of the groom, and maybe one day they would be able to be 'really' married, if the Americans got their heads on straight.
Theseus clapped when the couple kissed, along with everyone else, and he congratulated the couple as well. He ate cake and drank champange, danced with Tina, Bunty, and Lally, as well as the bride, and even shared a dance with his little brother, because Newt didn't see anything wrong or awkward about two men sharing a dance, or holding hands, or anything like that. Theseus smiled and shared in the celebration, and then sent the happy couple off with the rest of the guests, promising to close the shop before chasing them off into the snow.
It was a happy night. He had danced with beautiful women, celebrated an achievement with his friends, celebrated a brief reprieve in the war with Grindelwald. He had the taste of champagne on his tongue. He smiled and talked and danced.
But part of Theseus was not happy. He put on part of a show, and no one noticed, but part of him inside was sad, and in mourning. He was happy for Jacob and Queenie, truly, and even happier when he saw Newt lean and whisper something to Tina, which her smile and laugh and his brother turn fiercely red. But...
His mind kept drifting to the day that should have been. June sixth, 1928. Four years ago. That should have been his wedding day, the day he finally pledged himself to the love of his life. But instead, he had spent it dying inside, weeping privately, Newt beside him, not wanting him to be alone. And every year since had been another reminder. Every time Grindelwald's name came up in the newspapers, a slap in the face, a taunt that Leta's killer was still out there.
He was happy for Jacob and Queenie... And he was also unbearably sad, and even jealous and bitter. He should have gotten to share a night like this with Leta. She should have been alive...
He thought Tina might have noticed his sadness, because at one point she squeezed his hand, saying nothing, but maybe it was a reassurance, that he wasn't alone, that she knew he was in pain. No one else did, but then again, Theseus Scamander was a skilled actor. You weren't an Auror or a soldier if you weren't one.
They closed the shop up not too long after the newlyweds left, Albert dashing down the snow-covered street as flakes began to fall, Newt and Tina and Bunty walking off, Newt seeing Tina home and Bunty going back to the hotel. Theseus was staying at the same hotel as her and Newt, but he said he was going for a walk, leaving Bunty to walk back by herself back. His mother had taught him better than that, but he needed to be alone right now. He stood outside the bakery until the others had disappeared, taking deep breaths of the cold air, and then jumped when the security gate rolled down all by itself. He looked over his shoulder and saw Eulalie standing there, stowing her wand away, and she was studying him.
"Are you all right, Theseus?" she asked, snow catching in her thickly braided hair.
"Yes. Quite all right." Theseus said, nodding.
"Really? I would say you don't seem all right at all." Lally said, in a matter-of-fact way, and Theseus laughed. She arched an eyebrow and gave him a pointed look, which he had the feeling had been aimed many times at students. But he couldn't bring himself to lie, suddenly. It had been too long of a night, too long of a show.
"No. No, I am not all right." he said, swallowing back the bitter laughter.
"Would you like me to walk with you? I don't make bad company, I've been told." Lally offered, dusting some snow off her green-blue dress. She looked lovely, Theseus had to say, and that thought felt like treason.
"Uh, no. No, what I could really use right now is a drink. Where do you American wizards go when you need alcohol?" Theseus said, rubbing his nose. He needed something sharper and stronger than champagne.
"I know just the place, actually." Lally said, taking his arm.
She escorted him down the street and then Apparated once they were in a dark alley, dragging him along with her. They appeared to be in another dark alley and Lally began to stride confidently through it, Theseus following. She was a confident woman, he noted, and he admired that, along with her skill. He had been more than happy to get to know her, as she seemed like a witch worth knowing. He followed her to a solid wall with posters on it and Lally tapped her wand against three different posters, which began to move after she had. Then a door appeared and swung open, Lally glancing over her shoulder as she stepped in.
"Are you coming?" she asked, and he followed.
The atmosphere inside made Theseus think a speakeasy, to be honest, and while Prohibition was still going strong in America, the wizards of the country had never obeyed it, thanks to the firm ruling of Picquery all those years earlier. He had a feeling this establishment was legal, however, and the air was a haze of smoke in a corner, magic keeping the stuff from wandering into the air around those who weren't. There was jazz playing and people dancing, free and at easy, and he followed Lally to the bar, where she promptly raised her hand to get the attention of the barman.
A wizard was manning the bar and he examined the pair of them, Theseus knowing they were much too overdressed for this place. But he didn't much care.
"What will it be?" the wizard asked, Theseus staring at the array of bottles on the shelves.
He recognized gigglewater, gillywater, firewhisky, and elf-wine, among others, but the Americans seemed to have more types of alcohol available than he had originally thought. And then, of course, there were the types of drinks that could be made.
"Firewhisky." Theseus said, finding some Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts in his pockets. This made the barman snort.
"I don't take British coin." he said, and Theseus scowled at him.
"The firewhisky and a lobeblaster to start." Lally said, intervening, setting what Theseus recalled to be Dragots and Sprinks on the bar. They received their drinks and tucked themselves into a far corner, near where people were dancing, Theseus staring at Lally's drink after he thanked her.
It came in a martini glass and was a sort of periwinkle color and smoking, and he had never seen a drink like it before. He looked at it curiously, but picked up his own glass and knocked some back. The firewhisky burned his throat on the way down, but he welcomed it, the burn taking away the sweetness of the cake and champagne. Lally sipped her cocktail.
"Just what is on your mind, Mr. Scamander?" she asked after a minute, after he had sipped more of his drink.
"Too much." Theseus muttered, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger.
Lally waited and did not press, which he appreciated, but finally he couldn't keep in anymore.
"Leta." Her name came out like a whisper, likely drowned out by the jazz the band was blasting out.
He wasn't sure if Lally heard, because she leaned in, brow creased slightly, and he reached into his breaspocket, rumpling his buttonhole in the process. He shrugged out of the jacket and carefully removed the picture he always carried with him, placed in a small enchanted leather book to keep it safe. He set it on the table and opened it, showing it to Lally.
It was his favorite photograph of Leta. She had smiled so rarely, had so rarely shown her true emotions to the fullest, because of all the people who whispered about her. It had made her guarded, but with him... He had been allowed to see her smiles, her true emotions, savory them and enjoy them, and bring her comfort when she needed it, wipe the tears from her face, all of that an more. In the photograph she had a small, secret smile on her face, looking at him, cupping a rose delicately in her hands, her eyes glittering. He had given her the rose on one of their dates, just before he had proposed, and taken the photo with a borrowed camera, having wanted to capture her happiness. The photo was magical, of course, and she moved, which perhaps more painful than a Muggle photograph.
Lally seemed to understand immediately. She likely knew the story of what happened, from Tina, from Albus, or even from the newspapers. The story of what had happened in Paris hadn't been able to be kept quiet, after all, not with all the Aurors who had died. Or gone over to Grindelwald.
Theseus knocked back more of his drink, and the firewhisky mixed with the champagne, quickly making him a little drunk. That made it easier, somehow.
"Leta. Your fiancée." Lally said and Theseus nodded.
"The wedding. Not getting Grindelwald, again. It... Leta and I should have been married four years ago. She shouldn't have died. If I... If I hadn't bloody doubted her, thought that was what she wanted...!" Theseus said, slamming his fist on the table. It was all boiling up and had been for a long time, but he had kept it in, like he had been taught a man, a soldier, an Auror should. It was boiling over now.
"I let her go into that fire. I thought that was what she wanted, so I let her go. But she was trying to save us, and I didn't do a damn thing!" It burst out, louder than he meant it to, and Lally looked mildly alarmed. Theseus could still feel Newt's arms around him, dragging him back, stopping him from getting to Leta, and he could still see her burning away.
"I'm sure you did all that you could, Theseus." Lally said, pushing her drink aside, pulling out her wand and casting some charm. What it did, who knew?
"But I didn't." Theseus hissed and was alarmed to find tears burning the backs of his eyes. "I could have saved her! I should have saved her! She never should have been there! If I hadn't insisted she come to Paris, if I hadn't insisted she join the bloody ****ing Ministry, she never would have been there! She never would have..."
His voice broke and he swallowed the last of his drink, slamming the glass down on the table so hard it shook. It was his fault. All his fault. He had wanted her to join the Ministry, 'join the family', and not because of what most people thought, that he was the man and he expected his woman to do what he said. No, he had thought it would be good for her. Give her a chance to prove she wasn't the Lestrange everyone thought she was, and he had privately been excited by the fact they could work together, get to see each other more often. And she had been interested in the work. Before, she had been a dancer, and Theseus had seen how it was slowly crushing her. She had loved dancing and had been a beautiful dancer, similar to the performer at that ball just before Paris, and Theseus had loved watching her. But most of the people she had worked with had treated her like the students at Hogwarts had, like many other people did, and he could see that it was slowly but surely dragging her down. No matter what she did, she would always be Leta Lestrange.
She had been interested in helping the Auror department, he had discovered, after a long talk with her. She had wanted something different, something... Else. So, he had helped her, gotten her an application to be Travers's assistant, and insisted she give it a try after Travers had accepted. She had been happy. Maybe not entirely, but...
He was crying, Theseus realized, and he wiped at his face, not wanting Lally to see, but at the same time not caring. Her hand was resting on his shoulder, and she was too close, the scent of her perfume invading his nose, not roses like Leta, something else, something with a spice to it, and he looked away from her.
He liked Lally and admittedly found her attractive, but that felt wrong, like he was betraying Leta somehow, even though it had been five years. It had been five years and he was still in love with her, she was the love of his life, but...
He ground the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to block everything out, and Lally said nothing for a few moments, as if picking her words carefully.
"It was not your fault, Theseus." she said, and once Theseus would have roared out that it was indeed his fault, that no matter how many times it was said, it didn't change anything. He had done so to poor Newt in the beginning and scared his brother stiff.
"I loved her. I still love her. But I don't think she ever knew how much. I don't know if I ever told her." Theseus whispered, a few more tears trickling down his face. He had loved Leta, so much, but he had been a little insecure with her and Newt's relationship, truth be told. Privately worriedly in the back of his head that she was still in love with Newt, that he was some kind of consolation prize, the next-best thing. He also knew that was foolish, and he knew Leta had loved him, but he had still had those worries. He was ten years older than her, perhaps not an entirely appropriate match, and for a time she had always been his little brother's friend, but when they had met again...
And truth be told, when she had looked at him and Newt in those last moments, he still did not know if she had been talking to him, to Newt, or to both of them. He knew that Newt and Leta had still cared for each other, still had some sort of love for each other, and maybe it wasn't a romantic love, but he didn't know.
"And five years later, her murderer is still out there. We didn't get a single one of those bloodthirsty bastards, and we didn't get Grindelwald. Twenty-five of us attacked him and we couldn't get him." Theseus said, picking up his glass and then realizing it was empty.
He peered at it idly and set it down, wondering if he should really drink anymore, but feeling like he hadn't had enough. The thoughts and the pain were still there, and he didn't want them anymore.
He buried his head in his hands and cried silently, cursing at himself for doing so, and Lally kept her hand where it was. It helped, even if her closeness was hard, and Theseus got the sense that she was good at comforting people, had likely picked up the skill from the many students she had a hand in sort of raising. It was some time before he could speak again, before he could do anything other than sink into the grief that had been building since the Erkstag, since Bhutan, and when there was a break in it, he spoke again.
"I am happy for Jacob and Queenie. I am, but... Merlin, I am sick with envy at the same time. They each get to marry the person they love, and Leta and I... We will never get that." he said, perhaps a little randomly, his voice bitter and filled with envy. It made him feel like a terrible, selfish person to say it out loud, but it was true, his heart heavy with it and the grief.
"I am so sorry, Theseus." Lally said, and she said it like she genuinely meant it. There was something in those words, something in her tone, that spoke of similar loss, that she understood what it was to lose someone you loved like that.
Part of him wanted to ask, but he did not, because he knew what it was like, knew that it was not something you wished to talk about until you were ready, and the more someone pressed, then the harder it could be.
He nodded and took a deep breath, discovering there was a bit more firewhisky in his glass, likely thanks to a house elf. He shifted slightly, creating distance between himself and Lally, and she sipped her drink, Theseus using his sleeve to dry his eyes. He shrugged his jacket off and took a swallow of his drink, taking a deep breath. It wasn't better, not in the slightest, but letting some of it out... It didn't fix anything, but it blunted the edge of things a little.
"I know what it's like, losing someone you love like that." Lally said abruptly, after his tears had stopped and he was cleaning himself up with a handkerchief.
He looked at her, blinking.
Lally was studying her glass, and she reached beneath the collar of her dress, pulling out a chain. On the end of it was a ring, set with a flower-shaped setting of diamonds surrounded by filigree, and Theseus recognized it as an engagement ring, platinum and diamonds, all the rage just ten years ago. She unclasped the chain and offered it to him, Theseus taking it carefully.
"My fiancé. He worked at Ilvermorny as well. He died about ten years ago. His name was Joseph." Lally said, her voice softening a little. She did not look at him, and Theseus knew what she was feeling.
"What happened?" Theseus asked, giving the ring back.
"A duel. Three other wizards tried to rob him, and he fought back. They didn't use the Killing Curse, but... You can only take so many Stunners right to the chest at once. The Aurors didn't respond in time to get him to the hospital." Lally answered, taking a deep breath.
"I'm so sorry." Theseus said, and he was.
What she said surprised him, though, about how her fiancé had died. That was the kind of thing normally an Auror's partner would go through, that kind of injury, that kind of death. He had seen it before.
"Thank you. It was a long time ago now, but... Healing was hard. Moving on... I don't think I'll ever truly move on. I still love Joseph, and I always will. And it was hard, seeing my friends and colleagues getting married, having the person they loved. It was more than two years before I could bring myself to truly try to be with another man. That, and even feeling attracted to someone else, it felt like-"
"Betrayal." They said this together and Lally smiled a little, putting her necklace back on .
Theseus looked away.
"Oh." Lally said, Theseus feeling a blush heat his face, which was a foreign feeling for him.
"Have you tried...?" Lally said next, and Theseus realized she had not noticed the looks he had given her, or anything like that.
"Not really, no. I've felt... Attracted... To women since Leta, but..." Theseus said, the words fumbling their way out of his mouth, and it wasn't entirely because of the alcohol. But his mind was starting to feel fuzzy, and he clumsily shoved his glass away. "But it just feels like I am betraying her. Cheating on her. Feeling attracted to someone else, thinking of moving on, letting her go... I can't do that to her. I love her. I can't do that to the woman I love."
He swallowed, hard, and his stomach began to churn, crying not having done much for him either.
Lally's eyes were filled with sympathy and understanding, and she patted his shoulder.
"I know. The first date I went on after Joseph, I went over to Tina's place and cried my eyes out. I felt like I had done something wrong, cheated on him, betrayed him. But I came to realize that I can still love Joseph, and move on and love someone else, in my own time. He died; there was no choice in the matter, no reason that would have made me stop loving him. And I know he would want me to do that. He loved me too, and he wouldn't want me to not move on with my life. Moving on isn't letting go, Theseus." she said, looking at him seriously.
The words helped, Theseus was surprised to find, and he opened his mouth, meaning to say something, tell her what hearing that meant, but those were not the words that came out.
"I think I'm going to be sick." They came out on their own, but as soon as he said them, his body caught up with his brain and both came to an agreement: He was about to vomit.
He staggered up from the table and Lally followed him, grabbing his elbow and quickly steering him toward the back, where there were two tiny restrooms. She kicked the door open and the room on the other side was empty; she quickly deposited him in front of the toliet just in time for him to rid the contents of his stomach. Theseus quickly learned that champagne, cake, and firewhisky should not mix, and he didn't realize Lally had left until the door banged open again, signaling her return. Theseus was still retching, but once his stomach was empty and his stomach stopped heaving, he looked up at her. She had magicked a stool into existence and was sitting on it, holding a bottle filled with a sickly green liquid in it. Sobering potion. Theseus had taken it a few times, and given it to Newt the first and only time his baby brother had ever gotten drunk.
He shook the memory from his head- which nearly made him retch again- and took the bottle, knocking back the entire contents of the bottle like it was a shot. It tasted terrible and just green, like you would get after clipping a bunch of plants. It nearly made him vomit again, but he kept it down and the effects were almost instant, the potion flooding sobriety through his veins.
"Thank you." Theseus said, putting the cork back in the bottle.
"You're welcome." Lally said, and they sat there in silence for a few long moments.
Theseus suddenly felt awkward. He didn't know what to do, what to say, and he felt embarrassed. It would have been easier if he had still been drunk, he thought. He pulled out the handkerchief and cleaned himself up, but his mouth still tasted of vomit and potion.
"If you don't mind me asking, Theseus, just what happened to feel like betrayal? Have you met someone?" Lally asked, perhaps a little bluntly, but Theseus had learned that Lally Hicks was a straightforward kind of person.
He looked away from her, the words sticking in his throat, and again thought it would be easier if he were still drunk. He realized then looking away from her was a mistake. It told her exactly what he couldn't bring himself to say.
"Oh." Lally said for the second time that night and now it was for the reason he had thought it was.
"Yeah." Theseus said quietly, wanting to pick himself up off the bathroom floor and flee, but at the same time, he could not. He had to face this.
"I... You are a beautiful woman, Lally. Smart, too, and pretty good with spells. You had my back in Bhutan. I... I do find myself attracted to you. All for good reasons, but Leta..." Theseus said, finding himself stumbling and stammering over words. This was not something Theseus Scamander was used to.
He looked up at her now and the look in her dark eyes was understanding, and she propped her arms on her crossed knees, leaning down closer to his level.
"I would be lying if I said I did not feel the same way." she said, and something in Theseus's heart fluttered at this. But that sense of betrayal gnawed at his heart as well, guilt and shame and pain and grief. He closed his eyes against it.
"I understand everything you said, Theseus. I know what it is like. I've felt how you are feeling. And I understand you not being ready. We can go back out there, and have a drink together, and nothing has to come from it. It doesn't have to be anything more than something between friends." Lally continued, her voice patient and understanding.
"I don't know what I want." Theseus said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Oh, Merlin's beard. I should have just gone back to the hotel. I thought I could hold it together, that it wouldn't feel like this. That I could get through the bloody wedding of my friends without feeling jealous, without wishing things were different, or feel like I was betraying Leta by being attracted to another woman."
He remembered, after Leta died, how women had approached him, women who had always hated Leta, who had been mean and nasty and more when he had dated Leta, even more so when they had gotten engaged. He had felt nothing for any of them, and hated them even more because they had pounced on him so soon after Leta had died. No respect for his dead love. False sympathies. He had not found himself really attracted to anyone for five years, but he had known the day would come. He just hadn't thought it would be like this, rending his heart in two.
Lally placed her hand on his shoulder and Theseus found himself leaning into it a little, not because of his attraction to her, but because the action itself was comforting, and it had been a long time since anyone other than his brother or mother had touched him like that.
They stayed like that, silent, for a few minutes, and maybe that spoke more than words, Theseus coming a decision. He was sad and in pain and still felt the stabs of envy in his heart, but he was also happy for his friends, and he was with the woman he was slowly developing feelings for. She had said the things to him that he needed to hear, and understood his pain better than anyone else had, even his brother. His mind and his heart were both a mess. He should probably just go back to his hotel and sleep or get drunk again. But part of him didn't want that.
Silently, he stood and helped Lally up from the stool, breaking the contact. Still, they said nothing, and they went back to their table. He didn't want to be alone right now, and Lally was good company, despite the complications inside him. Though he had just sobered up, he took drank a little more firewhisky, and Lally had another smoking cocktail. They spoke a little of their lost loves to each other, sharing in pain, in grief, and Theseus realized the wedding had been hard for Lally, too.
At one point, alcohol warming his blood again, just a little, just enough, the band struck up a song that was probably too much for most of the patrons at this time of night, but Theseus did not care. He swung himself from his chair and held out his hand to Lally, her smooth palm sliding into his. He pulled her out onto the dance floor and she did not protest, his hand settled on her waist, his other in her hand, the heat of her other one soaking through the fabric separating them. He had enjoyed dancing with her, had found as he had danced in the cramped bakery with the women (and Newt) that he had missed the simple pleasure of having someone to dance with. She was not nearly as skilled as Leta, did not have the same willowy grace, and she was far taller, six feet tall and giving him only inches above her rather than entire head. She danced well, though, and he lost himself in the music, in the movements, guiding her through the other couples out on the floor. They danced through one song and another, the band slowing down, the music demanding a matching dance, and suddenly, unexpectedly, he found his head close to Lally's, his forehead brushing hers, her eyes locked on his. He leaned down and their lips met, tentatively at first. Theseus was the one who deepened it and the smell of her perfume washed over him, the taste of her drink combating the firewhisky still on his lips. She kissed him back, spreading a hand flat against his chest, and Theseus found himself enjoying it, but... He broke it off and sucked in a breath, biting his lower lip, shaking his head.
"I'm sorry." he whispered, moving his hands up to Lally's, gently wrapping them around hers.
He looked down, closing his eyes, and shook his head. She was a good kisser, he could not deny his attraction to her, the budding feelings, but... She wasn't Leta, and right now, he could not give himself to someone else.
He felt oddly ashamed, for doing that to Leta, for doing that to Lally, and her fingers cupped his chin, making him open his eyes.
"I understand." Lally said softly, and he could see the truth in her eyes. He did not need to say anything else, he knew, and he leaned his forehead against hers again, still clutching her hands.
"I can't give you now. I want to, but... I'm not ready." Theseus said, the music and general noises of the speakeasy meaning he gave the words only to her. "But I can give you someday."
It was not much of an offer, and he might string her alone for who-knew-how-long. But she was proof to him that one day, he could give himself to someone again, that he could give love and receive it, and he knew Leta would not want him to deny himself that. But, for now, he could only offer a promise.
Lally nodded, shifting her hands so she was holding his, and she gave them a squeeze. "I can take someday, Mr. Scamander." she said.
Reluctantly, despite his words, he pulled himself away from her. She followed him. They left the speakeasy. New York was sleeping beneath a blanket of snow and they walked through it together, to the hotel. Lally hadn't had to come, she could have Apparated home, but the company was still appreciated. They stood awkwardly at the doors, Theseus glancing up, snow sticking in his hair and hers. He didn't know how they should part after this night.
"I'll be looking forward to someday, Theseus." Lally said, deciding it for him.
"Me, too." Theseus said, and that was how they parted, Lally heading off into the snow of New York, and Theseus slipping inside the hotel, the promise of someday between them.
A/N- So this is my Theseus and Lally story, sort of inspired by the fact the trailer for the Secrets of Dumbledore was cut to make it seem like Theseus was into Lally. I'm not sure how well I wrote Lally (or Theseus, for that matter), but all things considered, we don't get to see much of her, so we don't know as much about her character as we do everyone else. I might right another story about their someday, but I'm not sure yet.