A/N- This chapter contains emotional abuse centering around body shaming and physical abuse. Please consider this when you decide to read.

I have been honored by the one and only Dollybigmomma who Beta'd this chapter and is an absolute angel. Give her work a look!

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Bella

My alarm blaring woke me up out of a restless sleep. I was so exhausted last night that I locked my door. If Charlie had tried to, I was sure he would have been able to get in anyway. And he would have been more upset, but I just needed to sleep. I smacked the beeping box and laid back in my bed, staring up at the ceiling. My first day back at Forks. Last time I went to school here I was six. Would anyone remember me? I tried to rid my head of those thoughts. Why would they remember me? I didn't matter to them, or to anyone else here. Except for maybe Charlie, but I still hadn't found out exactly what his caring about me would entail.

I pulled myself out of bed, the cold trying to hook itself into me. It wasn't too far into fall, but it was already much colder than I expected. All those years in Arizona had made me soft. I hurried to the bathroom. As I stripped for a shower, I examined the remaining bruises on my body. They were just starting to yellow, still more in their greenish stage. Nearly a week old, they were healing, but they were certainly still painful. They would soon disappear if not replaced by fresh ones. I got into the shower, turning the water to a nearly boiling temperature, attempting to warm myself up. I had a feeling it was going to be my last trace of warmth on this dreary day. Turning off the water, I raced back to my room to get dressed. I threw on a long-sleeved shirt and put on a hoodie, the typical Bella outfit.

When I heard Charlie thumping around in his room, I found my eyes searching for the time. Shit. He got up earlier than Phil did, at least then I got a warning from Renee. Rushing down the stairs, I made a mental inventory of the fridge and pantry. I would need to go shopping, but luckily, Charlie had the basics.

The coffee machine was already sputtering, so Charlie must've taken care of that. I wasn't sure if he would be mad or not, but I guessed I would find out the hard way.

Working quickly, I fried the eggs and made toast for Charlie. As I heard him thudding down the stairs, I was finishing up, thankfully. When he saw me at the stove, he stopped for a moment before pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"Morning, Bella, making yourself some breakfast?" He sat down at the kitchen table, opening a newspaper.

"No, Ch- Dad, it's for you." I slipped the finished breakfast onto a plate and set it in front of him carefully. As I turned my back to start the dishes, I felt my guard go up. I didn't check how he likes his eggs. Does he even like eggs? Toast? What if he had other breakfast plans? What if-

"You made me breakfast? Thanks, Bells. I normally just have coffee, but this is a nice surprise."

My seemingly perpetually trapped breath eased from my lungs, and I drew in another cautiously. Charlie piped up, as I was scrubbing the pan. "Aren't you going to be late for school? You don't need to do those dishes right now."

Well, that was different. Phil normally didn't allow a dish to sit in the sink. I'd hurt my fingers often, since I didn't have time to let the pots and pans cool off before I had to start cleaning.

"Oh, are you sure, Dad? It's no trouble, I wouldn't want to leave a mess in the kitchen."

"I don't mind at all, Bells, you made it for me. Besides, you shouldn't be late on your first day back." He didn't look up from his paper, and I turned off the sink, drying my hands on my jeans.

"Okay, I'll go get ready." I hurried up the stairs. Apparently, he cared a lot about punctuality. I'd keep that in mind.

As I finished getting ready, I made sure to check myself in the mirror, like I did every day before school in Arizona. It was much easier to get away with long sleeves here. The dark circles under my eyes weren't good, but were pretty unavoidable. Since Phil was careful not to leave bruises on my face, the dark circles were the only marks there. On my neck, there were some bruises, nearly invisible now. I was sure no one else would be able to spot them. Besides, who would care enough to look that closely?

I looked at myself in the mirror one last time, knowing it would be an exceptionally tiring day. As long as people didn't touch me, and as long as I could stay aware, it would be fine. Stay in public, stay polite, don't draw attention. If I could stay invisible, maybe less men would notice that thing about me that Phil talked about. I knew I wasn't being realistic.

I walked to school, as I had no car, and since Charlie's house was fairly close to the school. I kept my headphones in and my head down, protecting myself from the few spare drops the constant cloud cover seemed to hold. Many cars drove past me, some sending up a spray that I only barely managed to dodge. That would be just the thing, huh? Wet as well as cold? As I approached the school, I saw a parking lot full of the usual suspects; the vast majority being old trucks, small four-doors, and the occasional minivan.

I found my way to the office and collected my schedule, a map, and a sheet of paper I needed every teacher to sign. I saw some familiar faces, some I suspected I remembered from early elementary school, though puberty had changed them enough I couldn't be sure. I had stopped going to school in Forks at six, and while I had kept coming back during the summer and other breaks, I was never close enough with anyone to see them during my short time here. Except for Jacob and his friends. And the Cullens. I tried to put that out of my mind, but it wouldn't go.

The Cullens very likely still went here. Unless they had moved, but how often did people move out of Forks? It didn't matter. We hadn't been friends in years, and not close for years before that. They were students like any other. It didn't matter.

I decided to find my locker after school, since I had no books to store anyway. Besides, I was short on time, considering I hadn't been to this school before and would surely need time to get hopelessly lost before class.

My head stayed down, as I was following the map to my English class. When I was only a room or two away, a hand appeared on my shoulder, coming from behind me. "Isabella?" The grip was firm, and I froze.

The previously loud hallway drifted away. My body was taut. The hand tugged on my shoulder, and I turned, acquiescing to their whim.

Relax, Bella. School is safe, there are too many witnesses. You won't be hurt, not here, not right now. You're in a busy hallway, it'll be alright. Breathe, Bella, breathe, breathe, breathe-

The panicked cloud lifted from my mind, and I shook my head slightly. "Mike?" I could tell it was him, even after so many years; the blond hair, the hooked nose, the pale blue eyes, they were all unchanged with time. He had been a friendly kid.

He squeezed me in a hug, and I made myself take a steady breath. I remembered that now, too…the constant touching, the overfriendliness. When we were kids, Alice had called him a puppy, and as he pulled away, I could nearly imagine his tail wagging.

"Isabella!" My full name was like nails on a chalkboard, I couldn't stand it, and I flinched. Phil was the only one who ever used it. "I didn't know you were coming back!" Mike said much too loudly. It drew some attention, and I saw some do a double take and quickly start typing on their phones. Great.

I gently took a step back, getting out of his grip. "I, uh, yeah, I'm back. It was only a recent decision."

"Well, that's awesome!" He stood there, like he was waiting for me to continue the conversation.

I lifted my class schedule, "I've got class, so…see you later," I said noncommittally and stepped to the side.

"Oh, let me see that!" He snatched the paper from my hands, and I nearly snatched it back. I didn't like the idea of him knowing where I was going. It was something Phil did. He never came inside, though. I was safe, if not at peace. Sometimes, he would walk by the school when he knew I was in a class that had a window facing him. He wanted me to know that he would always find me, that he could always show up, whenever he wanted. Mike would know my schedule now, and he could do it, too.

As he was looking over it, I desperately wanted to take it back, but I knew it would only annoy him, make him angry at me personally. Thankfully, he was already handing it back, having studied it closely. "Looks like we have a few classes together, I can walk you to some of them if you want."

"No thanks, Mike, that's alright. I can make it myself." I stepped away towards the English class that people were now funneling into, but he grabbed my arm.

"Let me? Please? I just don't want you to get lost." His eyes were kind, but it felt cold, ingenuine. He looked like Phil.

I snatched my arm away, harder than I'd intended. He would probably get me back for that later. "Isabella?" he asked after me, feigning concern, but I filed into the English class along with the stragglers. I took the seat as close to the back as I could. In case he came after me, I needed enough warning.

Class started, and I could barely pay attention, my eyes jumping between the door and the window, just in case. The only thing that broke through the panic was that awful, awful word.

"Isabella? Can you please stand up and introduce yourself?" the teacher, a kind-faced woman, asked me, and my stomach twisted hearing it.

I stood as I was asked. "Please, call me Bella. I lived here until I was six, then I moved to Arizona, now I'm back." I quickly sat down and saw the teacher making a note, hopefully to never, ever call me that again.

Class continued as, what I assumed, was usual. The class had conversations about last week's assigned reading of The Great Gatsby. Mrs. Martin told me she would give me time to catch up and not to worry about participating in the discussion. I thanked her, though I had already read the book before.

I forgot to get Mrs. Martin to sign my slip, as I bolted out of the classroom. I went to my next class quickly, hoping to avoid Mike, in case he decided to attempt "gallantry" again. I could feel him following somewhere behind me, and I even heard him calling out at one point, but I pretended not to hear. In the crowd of the hallway, which apparently existed no matter how small the school, I would be safe from him. His calling out to me caused a bit of a stir, and I just tried to keep my head down until I got to my next class.

The next few classes went much the same, though I tried to get the teachers to sign my slip at the beginning of class. I corrected everyone who called me Isabella, and luckily, they all seemed to accept it without question. In Biology, my last class before lunch, I took my seat at an empty table. Mr. Molina told me my partner was absent today, but it was alright because we weren't doing any partner work today.

This partner better not be a slacker. I need to keep my grades up in case Charlie checks and I knew Phil would. I'm not letting some loafer pull my grade down.

After Biology was lunch, my least favorite period besides gym. I didn't get anything, since I had no money, and went to sit at an empty table, but another goddamn person grabbed my goddamn arm. "Isabella!"

I was so sick of it; it was only because of the years of practice I had pushing down my instincts that I didn't turn around and clock whoever it was. That name, that name, that name! God, that name made me feel dirty, made me feel small, made me feel like prey.

Between my teeth, I hissed, "Bella, please, call me Bella," as I turned. The face was familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. She was artificially tan, with brown hair that looked shiny and bouncy, like some kind of shampoo commercial.

My empty stare told her I didn't recognize her, and she said, "It's Jessica, remember me?" I did remember her. She was the sickly-sweet little girl who pretended to be everyone's friend. I was pretty sure she was the one who had put gum in my hair in the first grade. The little things I used to worry about…

"Oh, yeah, Jessica. I'm sorry, it's just been so long," I faked a smile, and she turned on hers as well.

"Well, Bella, come sit with us, you don't want to get used to that table, it's usually taken." Then, she linked her arm through mine, whisking me away towards a more crowded table. She had me sit down between her and another girl, thank goodness.

"Hi, Bella, it's Angela, in case you don't recognize me. It's alright if you don't, you look different, too." Of course, it was Angela, she was always so kind, and those glasses were always slipping off her nose, just like now, as she reached up to push them back up.

My smile turned a bit more genuine now. "Hey, Angela."

Mike sat down at the table across from us. "Isabe-"

"It's Bella," Angela and Jessica interrupted him. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have friends again.

He put up his hands defensively. "Fine, fine, Isabella, Bella, whatever," he mumbled, and I noticed sweet Angela crossing her arms, giving him as much of the stink eye as she could. "So, anyway, Bella, how's your first day back so far?"

He dug into his food, and everyone looked at me expectantly. Their attention made me nervous. "It's fine so far, normal high school, ya know? But how about you guys? What have I missed since I moved to Arizona?"

That set them off, thankfully. The rest of lunch was spent with people talking over one another, telling me who dated who, who had a crush on who, and embarrassing stories. I was sure no one would be happy that they were being brought up again, but at least it meant no one asked me questions, including why I didn't have lunch.

Angela, ever the kindhearted girl, inconspicuously shifted her lunch closer to me, angling an open bag of baby carrots towards me. I nodded a thank you and took one. As I bit down, I heard a sharp snap.

...

"Mom, it doesn't fit anymore." I was eleven, and I had just come back from my dad's. While I was away, I had hit a growth spurt, and none of my clothes back home fit me anymore. At Charlie's, all my clothes were always loose, as he had said they were play clothes, clothes it was alright to get dirty or torn. I had spent the whole summer outdoors with my friend, Jake, swimming in lakes, barefoot, climbing trees, and scraping knees. What I didn't know at the time was that I had just come home from my last summer with Charlie.

Now that I was home, I finally noticed the growth my baggy clothing had concealed. When I put on my favorite old shirt, it showed my stomach, and it was a bit tighter than I was used to. Renee was trying to reassure me when Phil walked in.

"Looks like Isabella is getting a belly," he teased, and Renee gave him a look. He wasn't a tyrant yet. Just a man with bad days. Really bad days. "What? I'm just telling the truth. Apparently, she went to Charlie's and ate like a pig, now she's fat!" He cracked open a beer and flopped onto the couch.

"Phil!" She turned back to me and softened her voice, "That's not true, sweetie, your body is just changing, you grew! There's nothing wrong with that, it's just a part of growing up. We can just get you some new clothes."

Phil got mad at that. "Not with my money you aren't. Not when she'll just grow out of them when she gains her next twenty."

I started crying then, and Renee hugged me. "Phil, it's normal for her to grow, she isn't fat, she's just hitting puberty."

He threw his hands up. "Fine, fine, we can get her new clothes, but we'll have to size up for Isabelly here."

"Phillip! Don't you talk to her like that!" Renee stormed after him into the living room. I could see into the living room from my bedroom, since it was on the main floor.

"What? She's getting fat, and you'd better hope she knocks it off, or else no one is going to like her. No one likes a little piggy," he snorted mockingly, making himself laugh. Renee grabbed his beer out of his hand.

"You've had enough, Phil." He stood up, grabbing her arm to stop her from heading to the kitchen to pour it out.

He was frozen. It was silent, and I stifled my crying, too. He looked down, towering what seemed like a foot taller than her. That mean smile he had been sporting was now gone. In a quick movement I barely caught, he punched her in the stomach. She doubled over, dropping the beer, and he grabbed her hair. "You don't tell me when I've had enough, and you don't yell at me like that. Apologize, now."

I felt so in view, but I couldn't move to hide, not wanting to draw his attention. I was petrified. I had only ever heard him raging like that. Normally, he sent me away before he started on her. I had never seen him hit her before.

Renee hadn't caught her breath yet, and Phil yanked on her hair, making her look up at him. "Apologize!"

"I'm sorry, Phil, I'm so sorry," she wheezed out, and he shoved her away. She fell hard, and when she tried to catch herself, her arm let out a sickening crack.

Phil started watching what I could eat after that.

...

"Right, Bella?" Jessica's sharp words pulled me out of my memory, and I nodded, chewing the carrot slowly. They went back to talking, and I pushed the bag of carrots back to Angela. I didn't feel like eating anymore.

The rest of the day passed slowly. As much as I wanted to focus on school, the only saving grace I'd had in the last number of years, I couldn't. Phil was controlling me as much as he ever had. Even though I didn't have to see him daily, he was still there, in my mind, taking my focus off school.

Since I couldn't pay attention anyway, I wanted to resort to my old defense mechanism of going into autopilot and being free of my emotions, but it didn't happen. Instead, I suffered through every second of school. Every "Isabella" uttered, every touch, every interaction with a boy, memory, and simple introduction, I felt. It all grated on my nerves, and it took so much of my energy to act appropriately, it drained me.

By the time the last bell rang, I was nearly passing out from exhaustion. I had underestimated how much energy the day would require. I'd barely held it together.

I hurried out of the school and through the parking lot, passing my… acquaintances…as they tried to chat. When I finally arrived home, I locked the front door behind me, racking my mind for something I was forgetting, but I just couldn't think. I made my way up the stairs, and I collapsed in my bed, my backpack falling to the floor beside me. My body was so heavy, so, so heavy…