10 Years Ago, July 2013
"Why the fuck did we agree to come to Disneyland during the summer? California? Did it not dawn on us that it would be hot as fuck?" Quinn said as they found a place to sit in the shade to eat their churros.
"Look, this was all Brittany's idea but she had the nerve to get into BLC and not be able to come."
The Unholy Trinity had been planning this trip for about a half a year. School had kept Quinn and Santana busy while Brittany was off doing her thing with the Army. At the last minute, Brittany was offered a slot to go to BLC. Quinn and Santana talked her into going because this was her shot. She had been practicing for the Soldier of the Quarter board and won, which put her name out there and landed her the opening in the next BLC class.
"Imagine though, Brittany standing in front of higher leadership like that? And she wasn't even nervous? She really has made bounds and leaps past us, even if she doesn't see it that way." Quinn said.
Santana knew that was true. From how shy and timid Brittany was in high school, to the outgoing and unafraid Soldier she was now. It was truly something to see. Even with the way that Brittany could hold conversations over FaceTime with her. Nothing could've prepared her for the person she'd become, and she felt like she was falling in love more and more.
"I know right? Have you been following that page she sent us?"
"That weird Army one? Yeah, I have. Her pictures are super nice." Quinn said as she got up to throw away her trash. "I saw you had one of them as your wallpaper."
Santana habitually checked the website for new products from Brittany whether it be pictures of videos. There was one that stood out to her though. It was a picture taken by another Soldier, of Brittany taking a picture of the artillery. It wasn't much, but it meant something to Santana. Seeing Brittany in her element, plus the artillery round was in the air? The shot couldn't have been any more perfect.
"I do, you're right." Santana said as she smiled. She unlocked her phone to see the picture. "I feel kind of guilty for still coming on the trip though. The only reason we even chose Disneyland was because Britt hasn't been here before."
"Yeah but neither have we San. And we didn't save up all this money for nothing you know? We've had hard years at school too. All of us deserved this trip."
Quinn had been struggling a bit at Yale. It wasn't the school work that was hard or anything, it was the fact that she spent most of the time by herself unless there was some kind of big event. She liked being in a school that held academics on such a high pedestal but there wasn't a balance for her. Most nights, she'd spend in her room studying or trying to call Puck who was on a tour with his band. Their relationship was rocky to say the least, but still working as best as it could.
Santana on the other hand, was having a fantastic year at Louisville. The year after she redshirted, she won a starting position. It wasn't at catcher, it was at center field which surprised Brittany and Quinn. When Santana had gone back to Louisville after winter break back in 2011, she did tons of workouts to increase her speed. And it worked, tenfold. She was now the fastest runner on her team, so it was an easy pick putting her at center field.
Every time she stepped onto the field and took her spot in the grass behind second base, Santana always thought about Brittany. She didn't know what it was that made her want to work on her speed the way she did. Maybe it was to be closer to Brittany in a way.
"I know we deserve this trip, Q. Especially with the year we both had. I'm just glad that they didn't make the summer camps mandatory." Santana said as she finished off her churro. "I'm glad to be here with you."
Quinn put her arm around Santana and they began to walk towards the entrance of California Adventure.
After a few hours, the girls were on their third beer at Carsland and they were definitely not complaining about the temperature anymore.
"San?" Quinn asked as they sat back down with a fresh beer.
"No, Q. I haven't told her yet."
"Jesus, San. How long are you planning on waiting before you say anything?" Quinn placed her beer on the table in front of her, rubbing her temples. "Do you know how fucking crazy you sound right now? You know that Brittany has those feelings for you. What's making you so scared? What's holding you back?"
"The fact that I had a chance to tell her before and I didn't, Q."
Senior Year, January 2010
"Happy New Year everybody!" Brittany's parents yelled out.
Brittany ran up to Santana and hugged her, "Happy New Years, San."
"Happy New Years, B." She tells her. "Come. Let's go watch the fireworks from the trampoline."
Brittany led the way, holding out her pinky for Santana to take. Before she grabbed on she took a blanket from the bed.
"Let's go."
The girls linked pinkies and headed for Brittany's backyard.
It has been one hell of a year so far. Quinn won homecoming queen, and Santana had won a spot on the all-state team for basketball.
"It gets crazier every year. I don't understand how people afford to buy this many, they're so expensive." Brittany said as she laid down and looked out into the sky as fireworks were going off in every direction. "I'm so glad that I'm spending New Years with you San."
"Me too B. Here." Santana places the blanket over the both of them. "I know you're going to get cold soon."
Brittany had started to get really cold right before Santana put the blanket on her. "You just know me so well, San. Better than anyone else."
"It comes with being your friend for almost seven years now Britt." Santana answer before laughing a little.
"Seven years is a long time, isn't it?" Brittany said without looking at her friend. "I-" She stopped, sighing.
"What's going on, B?" Santana asked, hearing something off. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm okay. Maybe I had too much to drink or something. But, there was no other way I could tell you. I've been wanting to for like, a year now."
Butterflies began to appear in Brittany's stomach now, something she thought would've gone permanently away once she started drinking.
"San, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. And it isn't like, easy. I'm-" Brittany turned towards her friend. "I'm scared." She turns away again, unable to keep eye contact.
"I'm scared because this might make or break our friendship. But, I like you San. Like, more than a friend type. And I've wanted to tell you for a while now, and I just didn't know how. Like you said, we've been friends for nearly seven years. And I had kept this to myself for so long because I didn't want to lose that."
Santana didn't say anything. She didn't know how. Brittany may have been the quieter friend, but she had a much easier time talking about her feelings in this way.
"You know that wouldn't have changed anything right?" Santana answered finally. "You saying that, doesn't change and will never change the fact that we're best friends. But-"
Brittany placed her hand on Santana's. "Say no more, San. I just needed to get this off my chest."
Santana had her chance right then and there. High school had been so hard for her, between sports and everything that had been going on at home. The level of busy she was kept at was insane. Especially with Jason on his deployment. And yet, the biggest reason as to why she was even making it through the year was because of Brittany. Brittany was always there.
Hopefully she'd have another chance to tell her best friend she liked her too. But it was just difficult for her to put into words. Maybe she didn't fully understand her feelings because the pair of best friends had been functioning this way forever. Santana was a sentimental type of person. But she never had the courage to get vulnerable as Brittany was so used to doing.
"We never said anything to you because we didn't want shit to be awkward. But she told me that she had feelings for me and I didn't say anything."
"I don't fucking understand why you did that San. When you know that you've loved her from before we even started high school."
"It's because I'm scared okay? She's everything to me. Even after all this time. I'm scared of losing her."
"But why not listen to the same exact advice you gave her huh? Why are you doing this to yourself?" Quinn asked.
"Because she has this new life without us Q!" Santana said, standing up from her seat. She ran her hands through her hair, pacing back and forth. "She has this new life, where she's doing so well. If I tell her now, that I like her? That will guarantee hold her back. I'm the past, Q. She doesn't need me in that type of way anymore."
"Oh my God, shut the fuck up." Quinn stands up and grabs her friend by the shoulders. "I love you San but you can't be fucking serious. If you were the past? Then she wouldn't be calling you all the time and texting you like she does."
"Quinn-"
Before she could continue, Quinn cut her off. "No. Between me and you? You should know damn well that Brittany has been in love with you for the longest time. Can you just get a grip and actually tell her?"
Santana's head was down, tears falling. "I know okay." She says without looking up. "I know that she loves me. Because I love her. But I haven't said anything. Even when she came home for New Years? I couldn't say anything. I froze. I was scared."
Quinn bent down a little bit to get Santana to look at her. "Look, San. I can only imagine how scary this can be. All I'm saying, is that you should tell her soon." Santana said nothing more, just nodded. "Now, let's go get another beer before they turn the neon lights on. I wanna watch from out here while drinking a beer and sitting with my best friend."
Santana smiled, hugging Quinn before they headed back into Flo's Diner to get another beer.
10 Years Ago, August 2013
Brittany was excited. Nearly all of the requirements for graduation from BLC was complete. All she had to do was make sure she didn't get a counseling statement from now until the end of the week. One counseling statement, and she would lose her Honor Graduate award.
"Pierce!" Brittany turned to see her friend running up to her. "Wait up. Let's go grab dinner off base tonight? You fly, I buy."
Brittany became friends with Trinity during BLC. They were in the same platoon, and had spent the duration of the course sitting next to each other because of their last names.
"I'm down. What you got in mind?" Brittany said as they got into her truck.
"I don't know, I was thinking pasta?" Trinity answered, placing her hand on Brittany's.
Brittany smiled, placing her free hand on Trinity's face to kiss her. "I've been waiting all fucking day to do that."
"Hell yeah." Trinity said as she kissed Brittany one more time. "Now come on. I'm hungry."
"Let's go."
The pair had ended up hooking up one drunken night. They had finished their public speaking presentations and the platoon had gone out to drink at a local bar. A few shots later, and Brittany and Trinity were making out on the back of Brittany's truck. Since then, they've been hanging out every day after class. They had agreed that once BLC was over, they'd talk about whatever this was. For now, they were just having fun.
"How's your friends in Disney? They having fun?"
The pair was driving off base now, hand in hand. "They left a few days ago. But they did have a lot of fun. They still feel really guilty for going without me."
"They shouldn't though, I mean you told them you were going to class right?"
"I did. They talked me into it." Brittany explained. "It's not often that the battalion sends a 46S. Unlike you, Ms. Field Artillery."
"Britt, how many times do I have to explain I'm just a radar person, I don't shoot the actual artillery?" Trinity said laughingly. "But nonetheless, I do much more than you do every day."
Brittany shot Trinity a shocked look as they pulled up to the stoplight. "You know what, I'll just go into my laptop and delete all those nice ass pictures I took of you last month."
Trinity started to push Brittany's shoulder. "Okay, okay I'm sorry please don't delete them." She pleaded. "I didn't even realize that you were the one taking those pictures. But I'm sure I would've noticed someone as fine as you."
Brittany's cheeks began to turn a shade a pink. "Pleaaase. Don't try to butter me up now."
"I'm serious." Trinity said as she put her hand on Brittany's thigh. "You wanna make a pit stop back at my place before we head out to eat?"
Butterflies began to appear in Brittany's stomach as she turned on her blinker to make a u-turn at the next light. "You're wish is my command."
Hey San. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
Santana sat in her room as she read over the text one more time. It had been a few days since she was able to talk to Brittany, but she figured it was because her friend was finishing up BLC. Up until about a week ago, Brittany would send texts to the girls in the group chat to update them on how she was doing throughout the course. But lately, it seemed as if she had gotten really busy.
"Oh c'mon San don't think too much into it." Quinn told her over FaceTime. "You know that we both don't necessarily understand everything that the Army is. Especially not at the level that Brittany does."
Santana took her phone off the charger and went to lay on her bed. "I know. But I guess I just miss her that's all."
"You know, if you would've said something the night she called and we were watching the fireworks that would've been something." Quinn said. "Plus, I was on the phone with Puck and you were basically third wheeling at that point."
"I was drunk and honestly didn't care Q." She laughed. "Plus, I told you already. I want to tell her in person."
"Santana. That's admirable and all but when is the next time you're even going to see her in person? We're about to start senior year of college."
"I know, I know. I'm still thinking on it. I feel like I can't rush this."
Quinn rolled her eyes, and started speaking under her breath. "How can you even say rush when it's been nearly six years."
Santana shot Quinn a glance. "Say it with your chest, Q."
"I SAID, you can't really say you don't want to rush when you've waited this long. You know, Brittany isn't going to wait forever. To me I feel like you're kind of self-sabotaging yourself. It's almost as if you want her to find someone else. And what if that does happen? What are you gonna do then?"
Santana had thought about that, and she honestly didn't have an answer. There was no scenario where Brittany wouldn't reciprocate the feelings she had. But maybe, she should probably prepare herself for that.
"With you being in Louisville, and Brittany in Washington now, things may be different. The time difference is greater, and I know softball season is going to be hectic for you with the new coach you guys are getting."
"I just don't want to think about any of that right now Quinn. I'll just see where we stand when she calls again. When she's less busy."
Little did the girls know of what was going on in Washington.
10 Years Ago, September 2013
School was hectic. Quinn had won an internship at a law firm near Yale, so she was being kept busy nearly all hours of the day. If she wasn't working, she was either sleeping or studying. Santana on the other hand, had been working extra hard to make sure she was keeping her center field spot on the team.
There was a lot of talent this season, and Santana knew that she had to be the fastest to keep her spot. But she rolled her ankle in the early part of September, and hadn't been able to work out for the last three weeks. It was devastating to her motivation, as she watched as the freshman girls interact and impress the new coach.
But as Brittany told her years ago, acting tough wouldn't help her heal faster and that kept her in her crutches and maintaining the recovery plan that her athletic trainer gave her.
Quinn was free on a random Friday night, and got a FaceTime call from Brittany.
"Well what do I owe this great pleasure, Sergeant (SGT) Pierce?" Quinn said. "I haven't talked to you in a few weeks! How's that deployment training going?"
"Oh stopppp." Brittany said as she looked down at the rank at her chest. After BLC, she got promoted to SGT and was given more responsibilities that kept her busy. "The deployment training isn't for me, I'm just taking pictures of whatever they're doing. I'm not going anywhere. But, I just missed you. I tried calling San but she must still be in the athletic trainer's office. Do you know how her ankles doing?"
"It's getting a little better. She's lucky that it wasn't a fracture. I don't know why she even went up to that river with her team."
"To have fun Q. Something that you need to start doing you boring ass." Brittany laughed. "I know you're busy but you need to go and have fun too."
"I can say the same about you. Did your leave go through for your birthday weekend?"
"It did." Brittany replied as she combed through her closet for something to wear. "I'm thinking about just exploring Washington for those few days. I haven't had a chance to take my truck anywhere since I got promoted. Only to PT, work and back to the barracks. How lame."
Brittany was holding up two shirts with a pair of shorts to show Quinn. She didn't have to ask, Quinn already knew. "The light teal shirt works better with the shorts. Where are you going anyway?"
"I'm-" Brittany got a little shy. "I'm going on a date Q. With that girl I told you about, from BLC. Trinity."
Quinn had spoken to Brittany about Trinity a few times. But she never thought it would end up being something serious. Especially since Trinity was getting ready to leave to another duty station. "Oh really now?"
"Yeah. We talked about everything that happened during BLC. And how she's leaving in a few months but why not make the best of what's left you know? That's why we're going out to some food truck event tonight and then to the drive in movie theater they have on post. They're showing Scream. And she's never seen it."
Quinn's heart hurt for Santana in that moment. Brittany sharing something so personal with someone new was going to hurt her- and in the worst way. Scream nights were always reserved for her and Santana. Not even Quinn had watched the movie with the pair.
"I'm excited for you B. I'll let you go get ready okay? Call me with more updates later. I want to know how the date goes."
"I will. Love you Q. If you talk to San, can you tell her I'll call her tomorrow?"
"I can do that. Love you B. Bye." And they hung up.
God damnit. Quinn thought to herself. I told her this was going to happen.
Santana was icing her ankle in the athletic trainer's office when she gets a text from Quinn.
Call me when you get out the athletic trainers office. We need to talk.
An uneasy feeling appeared in Santana's stomach. Just from the way that Quinn wrote the text she knew that it wasn't going to be a good conversation. Once her ankle was good to go, the athletic trainer wrapped it with some ace bandages and let Santana know about the next few weeks.
"If you hadn't put your entire weight on your ankle the other night at the bar, Tanz? You'd be in a better position. That kinda set you back a week or two."
Santana had gone out to the bar with some friends and ended up in a footrace with one of them. Halfway down the sidewalk, she realized that she made a huge mistake.
"I know, I know. But I have time right? I mean, try outs don't start for another three weeks."
"Girl, they pushed up the tryouts to next Wednesday. You didn't know?"
Santana didn't. So the news made the already bad night, even worse.
"Fuck. I'm screwed then." Santana said, face palming.
"You're not. I have a plan. Just come back tomorrow and we'll start using some bands and stuff to kind of speed up the process. No promises though. Just come in ready to go okay?"
Santana nodded, knowing that she may have just screwed up her senior year.
Once in her car, Santana called Quinn on FaceTime.
"Hey! How was the athletic trainer's office?" Quinn saw the look on Santana's face. "Fuck. Not good then I'm guessing?"
"They fucking moved tryouts to next week Q. I'm not going to be ready by then. Not with the dumbass stunt I pulled at the bar last week."
"It'll be okay San. Don't trip over it too much."
It was at this moment that Quinn questioned telling Santana anything. She knew how her friend spirals. And this news about Brittany dating on top of her ankle would send her into the biggest spiral of all.
"What was it that you wanted to talk about, Q?" Santana asked as she pulled out of the parking lot. "You had me all worried inside the office. Tell me it's nothing too bad?"
Quinn didn't know what to say. Either she could protect her friends' feelings or rip the band aid off.
"Just give it to me straight, Q. I see it plastered all over your face."
"She's going on a date, San."
Even if she was prepared to hear it, it didn't make it hurt any less. It felt as if a knife had been stabbed into her heart.
"Talk to me, San. Please."
She didn't know what to say at that moment. Santana didn't feel like crying, or anything. She was numb. And that, especially for Santana? Was a very dangerous thing.
Santana's face saddened, knowing that time waited for no one. Not even for her and Brittany no matter how perfect they seemed.
"You knew, didn't you?" Santana told her. "That's why you said all those things in California."
Quinn was a little offended that she would even think that. "San I didn't know either. I found out tonight when Brittany called me. She said she tried to call you but you were still in the trainer's office. If I knew before tonight I would've told you."
"Yeah okay. I'll call you back, Q. I love you." And she immediately hung up.
Santana took the long way back to Louisville, stopping at a scenic point that overlooked the city. It was the spot she came to whenever she had a lot on her mind.
She put her car in park and got out to sit on the hood. It was a nice night, a slight breeze that made the temperature comfortable. Santana enjoyed moments outside especially before winter.
The night was calm, and Santana finally allowed her emotions to consume her. The tears were slow at first, but as the seconds went by they began to fall faster. She slumped on the ground in front of her car, and covered her eyes with her hands.
How had she let this happen? Maybe Quinn was right. Maybe she was purposely waiting for Brittany to get a girlfriend or to start seeing someone because that would've been easier to deal with compared to rejection.
Santana knew that how she talked to Quinn was wrong. And it was also wrong of her to take it out on her best friend like that. She unlocked her phone to shoot her a text to apologize when she saw a new text from Brittany.
Hey, I hope you're ankle is doing alright. Let me know what the trainer says okay? I love you San.
The tears began to fall again. Her ankle was sore, a bit of swelling had begun because she left her crutches in the back seat of her car.
Quinn started calling again, and Santana took a moment before she answered.
"San." Quinn began. "Talk to me."
Quinn looked at her friend, she was a mess. Mascara running, tears falling.
"I fucked everything up Quinn. I did this to myself. You were right. Maybe, deep down? I knew that her being with someone else would hurt less than being rejected. But this shit? It fucking hurts man."
Santana sat back down in front of her car, while Quinn leaned back on her chair and running her hand through her hair. "Look San. I didn't want to be right. I just, I wanted you guys together. I was rooting for y'all. This? Was the last thing I wanted to happen."
Quinn looked at her friend, "Where's your crutches?"
"In the car."
"Okay San. I know, I KNOW that you aren't in the best state of mind right now. But please, grab them? And please take care of your ankle."
"Nothing I do is going to help Quinn."
This was what Quinn was afraid of. "Santana you need to listen to me. I know you are sad, and I know that you don't care about anything right now but please, for me? Please."
Santana sighed, and got up from the ground using her car. She kept her weight off her ankle and sat in the driver's seat.
"Go back to your dorm San. And call me back. Okay? I love you."
Santana did nothing but nod. "Love you." And the call ended. She turned the car on and began to drive.
Well, I've been afraid of changin', 'Cause I've built my life around you
"God of course this song would be the one playing." Santana said as she turned the radio off.
Once back at the dorms, Santana went into her room and shut the door.
Quinn called at the perfect moment. Santana answered.
"I fucking love her Quinn. What the fuck do I do now?"