Brittany is nervous all of a sudden. She's standing outside of Trinity's door, hand up ready to knock but it refuses to. It's not like she hasn't stood in this spot before. But it was a little different. This time? They were going on a date.
Everything since BLC had been "fun and games" for the two. Nothing ever too serious. It wasn't until one day when Brittany say Trinity flirting with another girl that she realized that she wanted nothing more than to be her girlfriend. To take whatever this was, seriously.
And yet, here she was. Frozen to the very spot she was in, not able to move. By the time she got the courage to finally knock, the door opened.
"What are you doing, Britt?" Trinity asked, her head slightly tilted. "I watched you stand here for a while through the peep hole. Are you nervous?"
Trinity made her way forward, interlocking her fingers with Brittany.
"I might be a little nervous." Brittany replied as she relaxed a little. She was a little taller than Trinity, by maybe an inch or so.
Trinity looked up, tip toeing slightly so she could place a kiss on Brittany's lips. "No need to be nervous, babe."
Brittany's ears warmed up and her cheeks began to turn a light shade of pink. "Let's go."
The food truck event was nice. There was a wide variety of food represented including Brittany's absolute favorite- Filipino food. She got herself a two choice plate, Pork Guisantes and Chicken Adobo with white rice of course. Trinity on the other hand wasn't as adventurous and just got a BBQ pulled pork sandwich with fries on the side.
"I don't know why you're looking at me like that, Trin. I told you that this food was good. You just don't want to try it." Brittany said before taking another bite. She put some rice in her spoon and grabbed some of the pork guisantes. "Here. Try it. Just trust me."
"I'm good Britt, I'm full anyway." Trinity said, waving her off. "I haven't even finished my fries yet."
The girls remained at the food truck even for another twenty minutes. They had some time to kill before heading to see the movie at the drive in. Trinity went into the bathroom, with Brittany waiting outside. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and saw that she had a text from Santana.
My ankle is fine. Don't worry about me, enjoy your night. Love you B.
Brittany clicks on Santana's name to call her.
"B?" Santana was a little quiet.
"Hey, sorry. Did I wake you up?"
"Yeah, I got some muscle relaxers for my ankle. Nothing serious, just something to help with the pain." Santana said groggily.
Brittany sighed, knowing that Santana wasn't in a good spot. "From the race you tried to win at the bar huh?"
Her tone wasn't condescending or mocking. It was caring.
"Yeah, that was on me." Santana answered, groaning as she sat up a little.
"Hey, take it easy S. Lay back down."
"How did you even know that if you can't see me?"
"Please, come on now. I've known you forever, San." Brittany laughed a little. "Are you okay though?"
Santana didn't really know how to answer. She wasn't okay. In both senses, her ankle and her emotions. She knew that Brittany was out on her date right now but she didn't know how to bring that up. Or if she even wanted to.
"I'll be alright, Britt. Honest." She answered as best as she could. "But you're still smoking huh?"
Brittany immediately held her breath. It was a habit she picked up in the first year of being in, and something she wasn't necessarily proud of. "Here and there."
"I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever, B. I miss you." Santana said in a sad voice. "I just want to make sure you're okay and stuff."
The words tugged on Brittany's heart strings. This is just Santana checking in on me. She doesn't like me like that. She reminded herself. "I'll do better at replying I promise."
Trinity was walking out of the bathroom now, towards where Brittany was smoking. "But hey, I'll let you get your rest okay? I'll call you tomorrow after work. You gonna be in the trainers office?"
"I'm going in the morning before class. I'll let you know how it goes?"
Brittany smiles. "Yeah. I'd like that. I love you San. Take care of that ankle for me okay?"
"I will. Love you too, B. Bye."
Brittany slips her phone back into her pocket as Trinity grabs her waist from behind. "You okay, Britt?"
Trinity turned her around to see her eyes watering a little. "You miss them, huh?" She gently wiped the tear falling.
"I do. But it'll be okay. Come on let's go. The movie starts soon."
The girls interlocked their hands and walked back to Brittany's truck.
"Q she didn't even say that she was on the date." Santana complained. "Is she trying to hide it from me or something?"
"Maybe she didn't go, San. Did you even ask what she was doing?"
"No, because she was asking about me. We weren't on the phone for too long. I was sleeping when she called, I'm surprised I even felt it vibrate. I had it on silent."
Quinn walked over to her computer to plug it in. "You're lucky I'm still up. But you should really get some rest dude. Especially since you took those muscle relaxers. Don't fight it, I know you're tired."
Nothing. No reply. "I know you didn't just fall asleep on me, Santana Lopez."
A light snore was heard now. "This mother fucker."
Quinn put her phone on speaker, placing it next to her laptop so she could continue writing her paper.
Sometimes, that's all Santana needed. And if she were being completely honest she needed it too. Just knowing that someone was there. College was a lonely place for both of them. No words needed to be said, whenever one person would fall asleep the other would continue doing what they were doing and hang up when they were finished.
Santana was exhausted, it was an emotional roller coaster of a day and sleeping was the best thing for her.
The next day, Brittany got up for PT as usual. She went into her closet, turning on the light to look for a fresh pair of shorts to wear.
"You got a pair for me?" Trinity said as she wrapped her arms around Brittany from behind. "I don't want to go all the way back to my barracks to get some."
Brittany turned around and kissed her. After a second, the kiss deepened and Brittany pushed her up against the wall gently.
Trinity pulled out of the kiss first. "Okay, okay. We have to go to PT. We're going to be late."
"Fine, fiiine." Brittany whined.
The girls got into Brittany's truck and headed towards the battalion area to report for the mundane PT they had every morning. It was a run day, something that Brittany didn't mind because it wasn't particularly hard for her.
Once PT was done, Brittany got back in her truck and checked her phone.
Hey. At the athletic trainer's office, have some updates. Call me after PT.
Brittany immediately called Santana, in hopes that her friend was going to give her some good news.
The call connects, but there's no voice on the other side.
"San?" Brittany finally says. "What's up?"
"Britt.."
And Brittany knew that voice. The defeated, had been crying for at least ten minutes Santana.
"What happened San."
"I'm not going to make try outs next week. I have no chance." She sighed. "This season isn't looking so good. What if I can't impress the new coach and I don't make the team next year too?"
Brittany unbuckled her seatbelt and reclined the chair back a bit. "San, you know that thinking like that isn't going to do you any good."
"Easy for you to say, SGT Pierce. It doesn't come naturally to me like the Army stuff does for you."
"Hey now, you know damn well that softball is what you were born to play. You wouldn't have made the team last season if it wasn't. And you know that this Army stuff never came easy for me, I worked for this."
Santana felt bad at that moment. "I'm sorry, B. I didn't mean it like that. I know you worked hard for everything you've earned in the Army. And that's a fact. I just-" Santana paused. "I just don't know if I was ever built to be here."
Brittany knew that her and her best friend had drifted a tiny bit over the last few months. She didn't realize that she had missed so much. "I know that I haven't been there for you lately, and I'm sorry for that San. But if anyone is meant to be playing softball in college? Especially at Louisville? It's you, and you know it."
Santana didn't say anything. She knew she was right.
"You, Santana Lopez, are the hard hitting, versatile and ambitious softball player we all know and love. And you are also the same hard working girl that I watched hit triples effortlessly in the moments that we really needed you." Brittany brought her seat back up straight. "You deserve to be there San. Do not let this setback be the reason you start to spiral. Because if anyone knows you, and I'd like to say that I'm in the lead for that, you're going to. And I need you to remember that no matter what, I'm always in your corner. And I'm always here, no matter the time. You just have to call."
Santana was crying now, sitting in her car in the parking lot at the softball field. She looked at the field, seeing the raked dirt- sprinklers going off in the outfield.
"I really have to thank the Army, for making you such a well-spoken SGT. And to thank you, for saying that. If there is anyone in this world that knows me? It's you."
Brittany smiled, putting her keys in the ignition and starting her truck. "Go to tryouts next week San. And be there. That will still show the coach that you are wanting to play even if you can't try out right now."
"I will. But hey, I'll let you go. I know you probably have to get into work early and I'm cutting into your shower time."
"You call me, anytime okay?" Brittany says as she stops at the stoplight. "I love you San."
The words made Santana's heart skip a beat, even if it wasn't in the way she wanted it to be said. "I love you too, B. Bye."
Santana woke up from her nap around 2pm. She had decided to skip classes for the day and rest in her room.
She checked her phone and saw that she had a few missed calls from Brittany, two from Quinn and a bunch of text messages.
San? I hope you're feeling okay. You haven't texted me back yet.
I know you love your naps, call me when you get up okay?
Call me please San. It's, important.
Santana was laying there a little confused. For them to have blown up her phone? Something must've happened.
She clicked on Quinn's name and waited for her to answer.
"San?"
"Hey. What's going on? I have a bunch of missed calls from you and Britt and a ton of messages."
Quinn was quiet, which wasn't too out of the ordinary. "San, are you laying down?"
"Yes, yes. I have my ankle elevated and I took a muscle relaxer so I'm pretty chill. Why? What's going on?"
Silence yet again.
"Quinn. Just tell me."
"It's your dad, San. He uh- got into a car accident. Your mom and sister are at the hospital now but it isn't looking good. When they couldn't get in touch with you, they called us. Sasha called Britt, your mom called me."
Santana didn't know if it was the muscle relaxers or the sudden news that made her so numb. She had spent so long being upset with her dad that their relationship was never the same. It was much more distant, and honestly a little cold. Santana always had trouble letting go of things, and when they lost Jason that wasn't something that was easily forgotten.
Santana never forgot the nights that they'd fight til the early hours of the morning or the first time that her dad laid hands on him. Especially the night he had Jason by the neck up against the wall.
"San. You still with me?" Quinn's voice came back into earshot.
"Yeah. I uh- Thanks Q. Thanks for telling me."
"I know you want to go and call Britt, San. Go. If you need me, I'll be here."
"Thanks, Q. I love you dude."
"I love you too."
Santana laid in her bed for a moment before calling Brittany. There weren't any tears falling or any hurt in her heart. If anything, she felt relief. And that's what she felt the most guilty about. Any normal person would be sad and panicky over the fact that their father who raised them was now in the hospital in critical condition. But not her. Not at this moment, at least.
Before Santana had the chance, her phone began to rang and she saw that it was Brittany.
"Hey." Santana said.
"Hey, so Quinn told me that you guys talked. How are you doing?"
"I'm- surprisingly okay? I don't know Britt. You know what happened and where I stood with him. How am I supposed to feel?"
"I can't answer that for you. But if and when you find that answer, I'm here no matter what. I put in leave already, I told them it was a family emergency. And I bought your flight already. So start packing your things. We're going back to Lima."
The sudden leave from school was abrupt, but Santana made it work. After a few layovers and a horrible travel experience she had finally landed in Lima. Brittany's flight had gotten there before her, so she was patiently waiting in the parking area for her best friend to land.
The time on the plane had given Santana a chance to sort out her feelings. She wasn't completely sure of what they were, but she knew that her dad being in the hospital was definitely a blow to the already low place she was in.
Santana got up to the curb at the same time Brittany began to pull around.
"Hey pretty lady, need a ride?" Brittany said from the driver's seat.
"How much are you charging?" Santana said, playing along. "Cause all I got is a dollar and these crutches."
"Okay now who do you think I am, taking crutches from someone who needs them?" Brittany said smiling as she took her bag and placed it in the trunk. "You need help?"
Santana's heart stopped in that moment, knowing that Brittany was always there to catch her. "I'm okay B. Thank you though."
Once in the car, Brittany took the crutches, placed them in the back seat and then got back in and buckled up. "How was the flight? I'm sure it wasn't easy with them things." She pointed in the back seat.
"Hell no it wasn't easy. It was the worst thing ever." Santana complained. "I can't wait to be finished with them shits already. I'm sick of them."
"I know you are. How long more do you have to use them?"
"I think like two more weeks? Seems so short yet it isn't." Santana answered, looking out the window.
She was tired. Plane rides were never her favorite and all she really wanted to do was shower and relax.
"Where are we going?" Santana asked, realizing that they weren't heading towards the normal "home" route.
"I figured we'd stay at the Marriot. I know you like your space when things like this happen and I saw what happened the last time." Brittany answered timidly. "I just want you to be in the best head space possible."
4 Years Ago, June 2009
"You think it's my fault? Huh? That you're brother went off to join the Marines and got himself killed?"
Santana was fuming at this point, not believing the words that were coming out of her dad's mouth. Jason's funeral was just that afternoon, and they had placed him in his grave not less than 4 hours ago.
"Seriously, fuck you dad." Santana said as she turned her back to walk away. That's when she felt him come right up behind her.
"Watch your mouth, Santana."
"Or what, you going to pin me up against the wall like you did him? Huh? Go ahead. I'd like to see you fucking try."
Her dad raised his hand to her, Santana didn't flinch- didn't move.
Her dad put his hand down before speaking again. "He deserved everything I did to him. He always ran his mouth, always disrespected me. I'm the man of this house. He wasn't."
Sasha came out of her room with the same look of fear she used to have when the arguments between her dad and Jason would happen. She was on the phone, speaking as quietly as she could without the other two hearing her.
"He never said he had to. But when you don't come home until three in the morning and you're fucking wasted? Please. He was more of a man than you'd ever be to us. Why do you think I never went to you for anything? You're never home!"
Her dad stormed off in the opposite direction before turning around. "You never come to me because I'm never home? I'm too busy working to keep this house warm. Too busy making money so you all don't go hungry and this is the thanks I get?"
"Right because coming home piss drunk, yelling at mom and waking all of us up deserves a thank you. We may have been fucking young? But we aren't stupid."
Her dad was coming up to her again and Santana held her ground. He pushed her up against the wall by her shoulder. "If you have the nerve to talk to me like that again I will lay you on the floor like I did him."
"Not like it matters, right? He's dead anyway. I'm sure there's a big relief off your shoulders now."
Brittany's dad came in the front door at that moment and grabbed Santana's dad by the neck, putting him in a headlock. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, Diego? Putting your fucking hands on her?!"
Brittany ran inside, seeing Santana with tears streaming down her face. "Fuck him! If he wasn't such a dick to Jason? He'd still be here! He would've never left. But no. His ego, his pride? Is too big for him to put down. Just a fucking prick and now Jason's dead. And it's all his fault." She said pointing at him.
Brittany grabbed Santana, pushing her outside and into the street to calm her down. It was nearly midnight, the roads were empty and quiet.
"San. Please calm down."
"Calm down? How do you want me to do that Brittany? Jason was killed. He's dead." She said loudly, as more tears streamed down her face. "I miss him! And there's nothing that anyone can do to bring him back. He's never going to-"
Before she could finish her sentence, Brittany walked up to her and pulled her in for a hug. And almost immediately, Santana buckled. She started sobbing into her shoulder, grabbing onto Brittany tightly.
"I know you're feeling a lot right now San. But yelling at your dad, especially when he's drunk, isn't going to help. It isn't going to make this feeling go away." Brittany said as she gently stroked her hair. "I know how much Jason meant to you. I do. But please, you have to calm down for me okay?"
Sasha watched from the porch as her only remaining sibling broke down in her friends arms. She had tears of her own streaming down her face.
Everyone was grieving. None of this should've been happening but this was the way their family was. And a death wasn't going to change that. Sasha sat down on the bench and a tiny sob left her. She was only 12, and to deal with something as big as losing her brother and seeing her sister argue in the same manner as Jason did was scary.
"Sash?" Santana said, her head popping up from Brittany's shoulder.
Brittany let go, knowing that Santana was going over to her sister. Once she started walking up the stairs she left space in between them so they could have their moment.
"Sash." Santana said, finding her crying on the bench.
"San I don't want to lose you like Jason."
The day was definitely a very heavy one, and it shouldn't have ended this way. "You won't lose me I promise. I just couldn't sit by while he talked about Jason that way."
"I know. I just, when I came out of my room and saw you guys arguing I got scared so I called Brittany. I hope you aren't upset."
"Of course not. That was a really smart move on your part. Thank you." She answered as she put her arm around her sister. "I'm sorry you had to see that."
Brittany's dad walked out of the house, straightening his shirt. "Hey girls. Why don't you come home with us and stay the night?"
"I'd like that. Can I go grab my blanket?" Sasha said as she stood up.
"Of course you can. We'll be right here."
Once Sasha was in the house, Brittany's dad shut the door a bit, but not all the way so he could see inside.
"Your dad is in his room and I put him to bed. I told him that I wouldn't say anything to the cops unless you wanted me to Santana. And I'm sure that isn't what you want."
"It isn't. I appreciate that though, Mr. Pierce."
"Where's your mom anyway?" He asked, realizing a key person of the household was nowhere to be found.
"She stayed at my aunt's. She was drinking over there and fell asleep. My aunt let us know that she'd be staying the night." Santana said as she stood up and walked over to Brittany's dad to hug him. "Thank you, for being here."
Brittany watched as her dad embraced her best friend on arguably one of the worst nights she's ever had.
"Of course. Once Brittany told me we were out the door."
Sasha came back out of the house with a backpack on and blanket in hand. "I'm ready."
"Let's get out of here."
Sasha sat up front with Brittany's dad while Santana was in the back seat, laying down with her head on Brittany's lap.
Brittany was running her fingers through Santana's hair.
"You going to be okay, San? I know today was- a lot."
"Eventually. Thank you, B. For being here. I can always count on you."
"Always. And don't ever forget that."
Once in the hotel room, Santana took a shower and came out to see that Brittany had already ordered food for them and put on a movie.
"It's been a while huh?" Brittany said, shooting her best friend a smile, smoothing out the comforter which a fresh bag of ice next to the edge of the bed. "A movie night. Just us two."
Santana hadn't felt this happy in such a long time. She couldn't help but smile at her friend who was cheesing just as hard. "It has definitely been a long time. What's on the lineup tonight?"
"Well you know, I was thinking Scream, then Scream II?"
"Now hang on why do you get to choose both movies?" Santana said, laughing. "I get to pick at least one."
"If you get on the bed, ice your ankle and let me wrap it then you can pick the second movie." Brittany told her.
Santana would obey any command she gave her.
"I won't argue with that." She told her as she made her away over to the bed.
In reality, Santana just felt better being with Brittany. Just in her presence. They weren't doing anything special or extravagant but it was something about Brittany that just made her feel good.
The movie night went great, and the girls were getting a much needed time together. More than either of them realized at the time. Life had been passing them by, and it really isn't the same without your best friend by your side.
Brittany's phone began to rang, and she stepped outside onto the balcony to answer it. Sliding the door closed as she said hello.
Santana checked her phone, a few texts from a worried Quinn and one from Sasha letting her know that her dad was stable but not in good condition. She knew that this was especially hard on her sister, but even Sasha understood the space Santana would need before coming to the hospital.
When Brittany came back inside, she put her phone on the dresser near the tv.
"Everything okay, B?" Santana asked.
"Yeah, that was Trinity. She uh- she's kind of mad that I came home on leave." Brittany said, confused.
"Why is that?"
"I don't know, I mean- I told her how important this was. I didn't tell her all the details but I told her that I needed to be here for you and I guess that she didn't like the way I said that."
"Oh." Was all Santana could muster.
"I'm sorry. That doesn't matter right now."
"No, no. It's okay B. I'm a woman of my word and I told you I'd be here for you through everything. So, tell me about her. Lately, everything has been about me. I haven't really stopped to ask you how you're doing."
"Well, Trinity is the girl I met during BLC. And she's so nice San you'd like her. She's shorter than me but that's okay. But she listens and takes care in the moments that I need help or anything like that."
Santana smiled as Brittany talked about Trinity. She nodded as she continued on about the new girl in her life.
A masochist, in its very definition- is someone who derives enjoyment from psychological pain. Santana looked it up a while ago. In this very moment, she felt as if that word defined her to a t. The difference was, she didn't really enjoy it. In fact, it made her hurt even more. But she thought, that if she would just confront the thing that caused her so much pain? That it could help her.
It definitely wasn't helping. All she wanted, was for Brittany to talk about her that way. For her to be describing the little things they did that would go unsaid. How Brittany would fluff her pillow as she sat up or grabbing an extra water from the fridge even though she didn't ask for one. Brittany knew her better than anyone else did.
Hell, look at what she did the past few days. Bought her ticket, took emergency leave. Picked her up from the airport and treated her like a queen from the moment they stepped into the hotel.
But there they were, laying in the bed together while Brittany talked about her girlfriend.
Santana had to get used to the fact that Brittany had someone in her life that made her happy. Someone that experienced the Army life with her every day, that understood it better than she could. She was trying to convince herself in that very moment that that was what Brittany would need. The main thing was that Brittany was happy. And if this was how it happened, then she'd have to be okay with that.
Brittany started the second movie, The Notebook. Santana hated to admit it, but it was one of her favorites. Brittany got up from the bed and turned the light off before coming back and getting under the covers.
She snuggled up to Santana, being sure not to hit her ankle.
Santana placed her head on Brittany's, and it immediately took her back to all the nights they spent together. The beautiful smile on Brittany's face whenever she laughs or the little hop she did whenever she would get on first base during softball. But then she remembered that she has a girlfriend now. Someone who could be there physically with her every day. Someone that was a part of the life that Santana and Quinn were not.
The more she thought, the sadder she felt and eventually she began to cry.
Brittany felt Santana's breathing shift, which caused her to look up at her friend.
"Crying already, softie?"
Santana chuckled a little, wiping her eyes. "It's a sad part of the movie okay?"
Brittany wiped the single tear that Santana missed. "I know how you get with this movie."
"Yeah, you do." Santana laughed.
If only Brittany knew the real reason for the tears that were falling.