9 Years Ago, April 2014
It's Spring Break of Santana and Quinn's senior year of college. Desperate for a break from the studying and Yale parties Quinn comes home and finds out that Santana is home at the same time as well. It wasn't planned this time. Over the last few months, the girls had all drifted apart.
After the Lima trip, Brittany and Santana talked regularly but it slowly stopped. Quinn tried to make it work at the internship but she realized that it wasn't for her and ultimately decided to quit a little after New Years.
Santana had stayed in Lima after Brittany left, her father had remained in the ICU for a month after the accident and eventually succumbed to his injuries. It was a real hit to her emotionally, realizing after he passed that she never had the chance to say she was sorry for everything. Santana never had the chance to apologize and have that closure with him, or to tell him that she loved him.
As he laid in his bed in the ICU, she told him everything. How she felt guilty for holding Jason's death against him, the fact that while she had tried to rebuild their relationship over the years it was never really the same. Deep down, she never forgave him. She couldn't. And now there he was, laying in the hospital bed. Unable to answer her, to tell her "everything is going to be okay mija. I'm right here."
It had been years since she had heard that. The grudge she held against him was so strong. She hoped that somehow, he heard everything she said and that was the only thing she felt held her together. A small thought to keep her sanity.
The day he passed away, Santana cried. Harder than she ever did. There was so much pain in her heart that she didn't even have it in herself to call Brittany or Quinn. She didn't for a few days. She had been getting texts from them, calls. The voicemails were stacking until her box was full.
Once she had gained her composure and felt ready, she headed back to school. Her ankle was healed, but she had been so distracted, and rightfully so- that when the coach let her tryout she didn't make the team. It was one thing after another. The more time went on, the more she started to lose herself. The spiral was gradual, but the longest and deepest she had ever been in.
Brittany worried, and she wondered if she'd ever get her friend back. Santana had always had the worst luck, and this was the icing on the cake. Her grades dropped, and by spring semester of her senior year she decided to drop out from school to take a break.
Once she made her move back to Lima official, Santana moved into her dad's townhouse. Sasha couldn't stay there, so she moved in with her mom. Which left Santana all alone. At first, Brittany wasn't okay with it. She worried that Santana being by herself would send her spiral even deeper but she promised her that it was what she needed to heal. To move on.
Being in the townhouse was her way of bringing herself closure. Not just from her dad passing, but also the fact that Brittany had become more open with posting about Trinity. With the fact that her dream of playing softball her senior year had become a thing of the past.
She needed the time alone to find herself again. Because somewhere along the way, she had lost herself. Santana forgot who she was, the pain had become overwhelming.
When Quinn came home and saw Santana at the grocery store, she was surprised. They talked for a few minutes in the canned good isle, Santana catching Quinn up the past month and a half.
"San, I had no idea. How come you didn't call me?"
"I mean, it's not like you were really around Q. You kind of went into hiding after the internship thing." Santana explained. "I wanted to give you your space, I know how you can get after losing something like that."
Quinn broke eye contact with her at that moment, even after all this time Santana knew her well.
"I still would've been there for you, San. No matter what."
Santana turned away this time, wiping the tear from her eye. "It hasn't been easy," She replied. "I've been staying at my dad's, trying to figure my shit out."
Quinn looked in Santana's basket. It was full of microwaveable meals and Gatorade, along with a bottle of whiskey.
"Crown huh? Still haven't gotten over that drink yet?" Quinn laughed. "How about, I come over and cook dinner. For the two of us. We can sit, talk. And maybe then you can have some real food in the house since we both know you can't cook to save your life."
The girls laughed.
"You know it's my go-to drink." Santana said, smiling. It felt weird. It was then that Santana realized she didn't remember the last time she smiled. "And yes. I'd like that. I'll send you the directions in a text."
"Sounds good. See you later San."
Santana had spent the last hour and a half cleaning the townhouse before Quinn came over. The last thing she wanted her to see was the mess she had accumulated over the few weeks that she had been living at her dad's.
The living room was clean and had a hint of pine sol to it. She looked around, pictures of their family were scattered in different areas. Santana hadn't moved or changed anything- it was just the way her dad had left it.
When she first moved in, she cried seeing all the pictures her dad had of all of them. Santana's senior picture, Sasha's freshman year cheer photo. Jason's picture from when he first joined the Marines.
It broke her heart. He had always loved them and that made her feel even guiltier than before.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.
Santana opened and saw that Quinn had come prepared. She was making shrimp Alfredo, a favorite of the trio.
"Kitchen is right this way, madam chef." Santana said, opened the door more so Quinn could walk in.
"Damn, this was your dad's place? It's fucking nice."
"It is, huh?" Santana said with a somber tone. "He had paid it off a year or so ago."
Quinn placed the bags on the kitchen table and walked back over to her friend to hug her.
Santana began to cry a little, even though she thought she had been all cried out by now.
"It's going to be okay, San. I'm here." Her friend told her as she gently rubbed her back. "I'm here and always will be."
After a few minutes, Santana calmed down and walked over to the kitchen to pour each of them a drink. She threw in a circular ice cube in each cup and poured in some Crown.
"To brighter days." Santana said, holding up her cup.
"And wholesome memories."
They cheer before taking a sip.
The night was going well. Quinn's food came out delicious as always. They talked about the last few months, Santana crying a few times explaining what she had gone through.
Quinn cried as well, knowing now that Santana had gone through all of this alone.
"Did Brittany know what was going on?"
Santana was quiet, trying to find the words to explain.
"She did- does. She does. But we just, don't talk as often."
"What? What do you mean?"
"Well, after she left Lima and went back to FT. Riley, her and Trinity started arguing a lot. Trinity didn't like the fact that Brittany called me so often and got super jealous when Brittany would drop everything to answer a call or text me back. She never understood that was just how our friendship functioned. Trinity didn't know what we had gone through, all of the things we experienced together that made our friendship what it was."
Quinn sat and listened to every word.
"One night I called, and Trinity answered. She told me that Brittany was in the shower. I asked her to tell Brittany to call me when she got out of the shower, but she refused. She told me, that while she understood that I had just gone through something major, I shouldn't be calling Brittany at all hours of the night. That I needed to understand that she was in a relationship now and that I should respect that."
"What the fuck? Did you tell Brittany that she said all that?" Quinn asked. She was starting to get mad.
"I did a few days later. She wasn't too happy about it and ended up telling Trinity off. But we haven't really been talking that often anymore. I'll let her text me first because I don't want to start shit between them."
Quinn was more than upset. The whole situation was enraging, but the fact that Brittany was allowing to this happen was what made it even worse.
"I'll fucking call Brittany right now. Because what the fuck?"
Santana held her hand out. "No, Q. In a way she's right. I can't depend on Brittany forever."
Quinn's face saddened a little, knowing that none of this could've been easy for Santana. "But San, Britt is your best friend. And has been for over ten years now."
"Best friend? We barely talk. Life moves in mysterious ways Q. And with everything that's happened, I've had to learn to let go. Yes, Britt and I have been friends for a long time now. But she has a life, and a relationship and I have to respect that."
Quinn didn't know what to say. Did Santana make a good point? Sure. But for it to have gotten this bad and she didn't know just showed how far they all had drifted in the last few months.
"I'm sorry, San. I'm so fucking sorry." Quinn said, face palming.
"There's nothing to apologize for, Q. I promise."
The girls talked for a few more hours before falling asleep on the couch together as a movie watched them.
9 Years Ago, May 2014
In the months since Santana had been home, she started working at the Marriot again. After the first two months, her work ethic proved to be one of a kind and she was named the director of banquets. It was a big role, and at first was a little hard for her to grasp. But she got her footing and became excellent.
Quinn would have lunch with her frequently up until she had to go back to school. She had planned to come back to Lima for a bit after she graduated to take a much-needed break before heading off to get her Masters.
"Hey. Can you guys please take these and set them on the tables outside?" Santana said, pointing to the boxes of silverware. "Make sure to set them just like this picture. The bride will be upset, she was very specific."
Her workers nodded before heading out with the boxes of silverware.
It was a big night, one of the biggest clients the hotel has was hosting a wedding for the CEO's daughter and she was nothing less than a bridezilla.
"Thank you. Please take these as well."
Santana had been running around majority of the afternoon that she nearly missed her lunch.
She sat in her office, throwing her feet up while drinking a protein shake. She grabbed her phone from her drawer to see that she had two missed calls from Brittany and a text from Quinn updating her on finals week.
It had been a while since she had talked to Brittany, a few weeks maybe. So, she decided to call her back to see how she was doing.
"Hey San." Brittany said. She sounded tired.
"Hey B. What's going on? Everything okay?"
"You know, same same. But different." Brittany laughed. "How are you doing?"
"Busy. That's the only word I can use to describe it. What have you been up to?"
"Well, I'm about to start ALC soon. The class I needed before I can get Staff Sergeant (SSG)." Brittany explained.
"SSG Pierce. It's got a nice ring to it." Santana said smiling.
"Yeah, it does." Brittany said before laughing nervously.
"You're nervous."
"What? Of course not." Brittany tried.
"Liar. I don't know why you're nervous B. You make like you aren't going to kill it."
Brittany had been excelling at her job in the last few months. She had an article she wrote posted on ArmyTimes and it took off. A piece on females in combat jobs. And of course, one of her main interviewees was Trinity. The only reason she read it was because she could read every word and hear Brittany's voice.
"ALC is a different beast, San. I'm always nervous before something as big as this. Remember before BLC?"
Santana did remember. When Brittany and her would talk all the time, how they would text non-stop. But that was non-existent now. And that was mostly because she met Trinity during BLC.
"I do. But I'm reminding you." Santana smiled. "I'm reminding you because sometimes, that's all you need B."
A gentle reminder and some reassurance from Santana always did the trick. That was something that Trinity didn't understand. Her girlfriend grew up in a military family and more times than not always judged Brittany for the decisions she made. Brittany's parents were much more laid back while Trinity's was strict and that caused a lot of tension in their relationship.
"But hey. I gotta go, there's a big party today and it's my first real event on my own. I'll let you know how it goes?"
"I'd like that." Brittany replied. "And hey. I'm proud of you, San. And I miss you."
"Thanks B. I'm proud of you too. Always. I miss you every day."
The phone call ended, and Santana got back to work.
9 Years Ago, July 2014
Quinn was home now, working at the Hilton that was a little ways down the road from Santana. They had lunch nearly every day. Quinn had also moved into the townhouse with Santana, which was an extra plus.
They didn't plan on living together forever but it was great for the time being. While Santana wanted to be alone, it was nice knowing that someone was in the house with her.
"Q?"
"Yeah San?" She answered. No reply. It was one of the little things that Santana did to make sure that Quinn was still there.
Being alone and working through problems individually was never their strong suits. Whilst they felt the need to not bother other people with their issues, they needed each other more than they realized. Quinn was still going back and forth between Puck and being single while Santana was more than happy with being alone.
One night, the girls decided that they needed a night out and went to the local bar. It was relatively empty, being that it was a Thursday night.
"Good evening ladies, what can I get ya?"
"3 shots of crown please." Santana answered. She turned to Quinn. "One for Britt. She starts ALC tomorrow and I told her we'd do a shot for her."
Quinn smiled.
Secretly, Quinn had gone behind Santana's back to talk to Brittany. They argued a bit, because Brittany believed that what she was doing was best for her relationship. Quinn explained everything to Brittany, including the things that she found out since she had moved into the townhouse. Sasha and Santana weren't talking. Sasha had gotten mad at her sister because she felt as if Santana only truly cared for their dad once he was on life support.
"Sasha was young. How was she supposed to fully understand everything that Santana went through at that time?"
"You know how it is B. Their sibling relationships hadn't always been the greatest. So Sasha hasn't talked to her in about a month or so. Whenever San goes over to her mom's house Sasha leaves. Her mom has been trying to get them to talk again but it isn't really working."
Brittany felt guilty, knowing that she kind of left Santana high and dry. But she was with Trinity. And she wanted to make it work. It was already hard enough that they were in different States.
Trinity had been transferred to Schofield Barracks in Hawai'i while Brittany was in Kansas at Fort Riley. It wasn't bad there, and Brittany was given the chance to go to Air Assault school also. She passed, and proudly wore her Air Assault wings every day.
Back at the bar, Santana and Quinn were taking their shots. The extra one remained on the counter for the rest of the night.
"To Brittany."
"Hopefully, one of these years, we can finally get our little group back together. It's been much too long."
"That's for damn sure."
"Cheers to you, Q. For being here. Especially I need you the most."
"Always San. Always."
They tapped their glasses together before throwing the shot back.
After a few hours, the girls were pretty drunk. The bar was nearly empty now.
"Fuck man, time really has flown huh?" Santana said. "What do you plan on doing after all this, Q?" She said as she waved her arms around.
"What, after the bar?" Quinn answered before laughing.
"No, bitch. After like, this year I guess? I mean, we aren't going to stay in Lima forever right?"
Quinn looked down at her glass. "No, we aren't. But maybe, for the time being? Staying home is what we need."
"Yeah. I mean, my job is great. It's good money and I have my dad's townhouse for now." Santana said. She clicked her phone to check for any messages. No avail, there was none.
"How have you really been San. We haven't talked about a specific topic since I came home really. Besides the first night I cooked at the house."
Santana looked over at her friend. "Honestly? Ever since the whole thing with Trinity telling me off to them officially saying 'I love you'? I've been shitty."
A drunken mind speaks sober thoughts. If Santana were sober, she wouldn't be admitting this. But there was no turning back now.
"I haven't really dated anyone since, ever really. I'd talk to people, and once I start to have a real conversation, I'd feel guilty and ghost them. Other than that? I've just had a couple one night stands here and there with guests who hang out after hours at the bar at the Marriot."
"If there's anything I know, Santana. It's that you deserve to be happy too. Okay?" Quinn said as she placed her arm around her friend. "Allow yourself to be happy."
They tap their glasses together once more before finishing their drinks and heading home for the night.
9 Years Ago, November 2014
Brittany and Trinity had been dating for nearly a year and a half at this point. Even though they were at different duty stations, they talked frequently and fell asleep on FaceTime nearly every night.
The couple had taken a few trips together since being apart. It was their time together without being bothered by Army things. This trip, they were spending a week in Las Vegas. Brittany had never been, so she was excited. Trinity had been to Vegas a few times, so she was going to show Brittany the ropes.
"Come on babe. Let's go get a fat Tuesday." Trinity said as she led Brittany to a bar that was one of many on the strip.
A fat Tuesday was a drink that was in an extra-long cup. It was basically a slush with alcohol in it. Brittany had seen it on facebook before and was excited to try it. After getting their drinks the girls went into the one of the casinos to gamble a bit.
Brittany was on a winning streak. She had sat at a Walking Dead slot machine where she kept winning free spins. Call it beginners luck? But she was now up 300 dollars and climbing steadily.
"Damn babe! You're doing so good." Trinity said, as she leaned on Brittany.
It had been a few hours, and Trinity was definitely drunk. Brittany had given up on her fat Tuesday, it was too sweet for her and so she handed it over to her girlfriend who was more than happy to finish it. Brittany had gone to her drink of choice, Crown. She had a few glasses, so she was pretty lit. It didn't help that the server kept bringing her new drinks once it was getting low.
Free drinks at the casino was amazing, but being able to smoke indoors was a huge plus for the blonde. She was living the dream.
The girls had drank together before, but not to this extent.
Brittany cashed out her voucher and the girls decided to head back to the hotel. They chose the MGM Grand, mostly because Brittany had always wanted to see it in person.
"Babe no I don't want to go back yet." A drunk Trinity pleaded.
"Trin, it's time to go back to the room. I'm tired, and you're drunk as fuck so you need to sleep it off."
"Fine." Her girlfriend answered, crossing her arms.
The uber pulls up and the girls get inside. Once back at the hotel, Trinity gets out first, followed by Brittany.
For the year and a half they had been together, Brittany had never seen Trinity this wasted. And that's when the issues began.
Trinity takes off running down the street, and as fast as Brittany was? Trinity was a little faster and was gone after a few seconds.
"You have to be fucking kidding me." Brittany said, dumbfounded.
Brittany tries to call Trinity a few times, but she didn't pick up. She didn't know what to do. Brittany was drunk, and in an unfamiliar place.
"Trinity!" Brittany yelled down the street. Her girlfriend was running towards her now. "What the fuck are you doing?"
Trinity came up to her and stopped. "I'm not talking to you. I'm in a relationship. I'm not a prostitute."
"Trin if you don't knock it the fuck off." Brittany was starting to get upset. "Let's go back to the fucking hotel."
Trinity was searching her pockets for her phone, pulling it out and clicking on someone's number. "Hang on. I'm calling her."
Brittany looked down at her phone to see that Trinity wasn't calling her.
"Hey. Can you fucking tell this person on the street that you're my girlfriend?"
Brittany couldn't hear what the other person was telling her. She walked a little ways down the sidewalk before hanging up and turning around. Trinity walks back up to Brittany and crosses her arms.
"Look Trinity. I'm fucking tired. And this is getting old. Can we please just go back to the hotel."
"My girlfriend told me that I shouldn't go with strangers."
It was in Brittany's right mind to just up and leave her on the street. It was nearly 4 am, and there were down the street from their hotel.
"I'm your fucking girlfriend. Who the fuck were you talking to on the phone?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" She spit back at her.
Brittany turned and punched the wall next to her. "I'm getting fucking sick of this."
"I'm going to my hotel room."
Brittany stood there for a few seconds, rubbing her temples.
This has to be a fucking joke. She thought to herself.
Trinity walked into the lobby of the MGM and up to their room. She fumbled around in her purse for her room key and opened the door.
Once they were both inside, Trinity laid on the bed and immediately fell asleep. Brittany was heated, and didn't know what to do or who to talk to. She grabbed Trinity's phone off the nightstand and took it outside. She went through the recent calls to try and see who she talked to, but the most recent call had said 10pm. Trinity had deleted the last entry.
"This fucking bitch." Brittany said under her breath.
The trust the girls had between each other had become fragile. Trinity had gotten drunk one night and went out with some girls from work. When she woke up the next morning, she had a hickey on her neck and couldn't remember who she got it from. Brittany nearly left her. Since then, Trinity hadn't gone out or drank to get drunk. She loved Brittany, and didn't want to screw up the relationship they had.
But Brittany still had her insecurities, and this had messed with her big time. She walked back inside and put Trinity's phone back. Her hand was starting to throb now. She looked down and saw a few cuts and her pinky and ring finger were now swollen. And of all hands, it was her right hand. Before going back outside, she grabbed some ice and put it in a Ziploc bag to place on her hand.
She was upset. She knew better than to do something like this.
Brittany walked back out onto the balcony, reaching into her pocket to pull out her phone. The wallpaper was the picture that hung on Santana's wall back in Lima. She felt her heart drop a little, knowing that she had royally fucked up with Santana. She was her best friend. And she wasn't there for her. Tears began to fall. Brittany sat on the chair and tried to calm herself down.
Looking at the time, she clicked on FaceTime to call Santana.
"Hey B! How's Vegas?" Santana said. She was just slipping into Brittany's basic training hoodie and putting her headphones on. "I was just about to go for a run. Everything okay?"
Brittany sighed, readjusting herself on the chair. "I mean, Vegas is alright I guess."
Santana noticed the tone in her voice. Brittany's nose was also a little red. She sat on the chair in the kitchen and took the headphones off. "Talk to me. What time is it there anyway?"
"I don't know, like 5 something? I'm so fucking mad, San. I don't even want to stay on this trip."
Santana was taken aback, because last she was super excited to go to Vegas.
"Trinity got so fucking drunk. That she didn't even realize that I was her girlfriend. She ended up calling 'her girlfriend'," Brittany added in the air quotes with her hand. But it was also the hand that had the make shift ice pack wrapped. "But she didn't call-"
"Brittany what the fuck is up with your hand." Santana asked, sternly. "Why are you icing it."
Brittany looked down at her hand, the ice had nearly melted away at this point but the cold was helping. "I punched the wall."
Santana face palmed. "Are you serious, B? You're lucky you already went to ALC."
"I don't need a lecture right now okay?" Brittany added. "I know what I did was stupid."
"I'm not trying to lecture you. I just, don't want you getting hurt is all." Santana said a little more timidly. "I care you know."
"I know you do. I just," Brittany paused. "She didn't call me Santana. She said she was on the phone with her girlfriend and my phone didn't ring. The other person on the line wasn't me."
Santana sat up straight now, with an upset look on her face. Brittany had seen it before. The night when the girl bumped into her at the party they went to. Or the girl from the concession line during basketball. "Then who was she talking to?"
"I don't know. I went to look at her call log and whoever it was, wasn't there."
Santana never liked Trinity. Especially after the incident where Brittany was in the shower. She didn't trust her with Brittany. But she didn't feel like she was in any place to have an opinion on the relationship.
Before Santana could say anything, Brittany started talking again.
"What if I jumped into this relationship too fast? Long distance is hard. And me thinking that some texts and FaceTime's could be the magical fix? What was I thinking?"
"Hey now. Don't start regretting decisions. You made them for a reason, so let's talk."
Brittany stood up to lean on the railing. The morning breeze was light, and she was starting to sweat.
"Fine. Look, yeah. I love her. Or well, I thought I did. But the last few months, fuck man. It's been so difficult. I've been having a hard time trusting her. And this? It's like putting all my suspicions in front of me."
Santana didn't really know what to say. "Have you talked to her about everything?"
"I've tried. But because of her upcoming deployment, her answer is always 'can we talk about this later? I don't want to fight.'"
"That's a shitty answer."
"You're telling me." Brittany chuckled. "I've been trying since she called me on FaceTime and had hickeys on her neck. Her reason was that she had done cocaine that night, and didn't remember how she got them."
"Brittany I'll come out there right now and fucking rock her. You've got to be kidding me." Santana said, standing up from her chair. "Drugs? Fuck that."
"It's okay San. I think I can handle this. I have my answer."
Santana sat back down, running her hand through her hair. "Look B, all I'm saying? Is that you can do so much better than her. All I care about, is you being safe and happy. That's it."
"I know, I know." She answered.
Santana worried, knowing that Brittany can get caught up in things obliviously. But, she says "I know that the Brittany you are today is not the same one that I had to protect in high school. You know what to do."
"My heart already knew the answer for a while now." Brittany answered.
"Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely."
"The land before time huh?" Brittany says, smiling.
"Of course. Just because all these years go by, doesn't mean that everything has to change you know?"
Brittany smiled at the thought. The Land before time had been their go-to movie to watch after watching something scary. Which made her think, something was wrong.
"Is everything okay San? I know I have been pretty distant lately with the Army, and being with Trinity. I feel so bad, I feel like I don't talk to you anymore."
"Don't feel bad, B. I know that time doesn't slow down for anything no matter how busy you are. Just know, that I'm always here for you no matter what."
Brittany looked at her friend, who seemed a little more sad than normal. "The same goes for you, you know?"
"I know Britt. I'm sorry to cut this short, I have to get this run in before work. And hey." Santana says before she ends the conversation. "Make sure you take some ibuprofen once you've sobered up. I've punched my fair share of walls to know, that shit is gonna hurt even more when you wake up."
Brittany looks down at her hand, to see that it was still pretty swollen.
"I do know it was a stupid thing to do."
"And your right hand? I know you better than this, Britt. Please be careful okay? Call me if you need anything. I love you."
"I love you too San."