Hey babes! Got a new one for ya! Been working on this one for a little while, and have finally gotten it where I want it. If you know me, then you know how much I enjoy writing angsty, somewhat depressing fics, so...have fun. :)
Enjoy!
Staring at the two pink lines in front of her, Juliet finally lets out the breath she's been holding since her timer went off. Her hand shakes as she picks up one of the tests off the bathroom counter and holds it carefully, breathing slowly and deeply to try and calm her racing heart. It's beating erratically inside her chest, has been since the moment the possibility of her new reality hit her.
Naturally, she's thrilled. They've been married for just over a year and have been actively talking about starting a family for the last few months. But she's also nervous, of course, given how many near misses they've had whilst trying to conceive. She's lost count of how many false positives and false hopes she's encountered. It has certainly been trying for both of their mental health to deal with all of that and trying not to dwell on the things that will no longer be.
But for right now, though, she's going to do her best to not dwell on what could happen and focus on what she hopes will happen.
Because all she's been thinking about for the last several months is a little boy with her husband's complexion and laid-back, easy-going nature. She's thought many times about how they'll be the best of friends and the little boy will be Thomas' shadow and partner in crime when it comes to driving her crazy. But she knows she'll love every moment of it.
Thomas has said multiple times that he'll be happy with a boy or a girl, as long as they're perfectly happy and healthy. But she knows that deep down he wants a little girl who looks just like her.
Taking a deep breath, Juliet tosses all but one of the tests into the bin next to the counter, then wraps the remaining one in toilet paper and slips it into her back pocket. An internal debate wars inside her mind as she leaves the bathroom, trying to decide if she should tell Thomas now or wait until she's out of the danger zone and knows with one hundred percent certainty that she is pregnant. She doesn't want to get his hopes up again only for it to all come crashing down yet again.
Making her way into their bedroom, she tucks the pregnancy test into the drawer of her nightstand, a place she knows Thomas isn't going to rummage around in (they may be married but they still have boundaries), and then heads back out to the main area of the house. Thomas should be home soon from his hangout with the guys and she doesn't want to arouse any suspicion. Not until she knows for sure whether or not she's carrying their child.
So she busies herself in the office with standard work for the estate and their business, going over the books and checking expenses, making sure nothing is wrong or out of the ordinary. She's so engrossed in her work that she doesn't register another presence in the house until a warm, familiar pair of hands land on her shoulders.
She jumps but quickly relaxes again when she realizes it's just her husband.
"Hey, sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."
"You didn't." She spins in her chair to face him, watching as he leans back against the edge of the desk like he always does. "So, how was your boy's day?"
He chuckles. "It was fun. Rick somehow managed to relate nearly every conversation back to Joy."
"Well, that's not very surprising. He's an excellent father, loves that little girl more than the world."
"Hey, I'm not saying I was complaining. I love Joy too, she's a sweet kid. It did get me thinking, though."
"What about?"
He smiles softly at her. "Our own little family. I know we both want one or two, and things have been so difficult actually staying pregnant, but maybe…maybe we could think about adoption."
She raises a brow. "You want to adopt?"
He shrugs. "I think we should consider it. I just…I don't want us to get so caught up in trying to have a baby of our own that we miss out on actually having a family. I love you, Juliet, and any kid I get to raise with you, whether biological or not, is going to be amazing, because you will be their mother. And that's all I could ask for."
Juliet smiles up at her husband with tears in her eyes, standing silently and wrapping her arms around his torso to hug him. She buries her face in his neck, fighting back a smile at the thought that they might be finally getting that precious human that's a perfect mix of the both of them.
Thomas chuckles lightly as he hugs her back. "Hey, what's this for? Not that I'm complaining."
She leans back just enough to look at him. "I think adoption is a nice idea."
He smiles. "Yeah?"
She nods. "Yes. Though, maybe we should give it a few more months, say…six, before we completely rule out natural conception. We'll talk to a doctor and see if should start pursuing other options. Such as surrogacy, if I'm continuously unable to stay pregnant."
"I guess we could do that. I just love the idea of you waddling around here barefoot with a pregnant belly."
She narrows her eyes playfully at him. "You're sure it's not because my boobs would get larger and my sex drive might get higher?"
He opens and closes his mouth a few times, having the decency to look slightly embarrassed. "I mean, the thought did cross my mind at some point."
She rolls her eyes and shakes her head, attempting to step away. "You're such a man."
He laughs and reaches out for her, grabbing her hips and tugging her back to him. "Hang on, wait a second. You know those aren't the only reasons. I'll admit that they're very high on the list, but I also really like the idea of getting to watch your belly grow every month. And getting to experience all of those moments we wouldn't get with surrogacy or adoption. Yeah, with surrogacy we'd still somewhat get to watch the baby grow, but it wouldn't be the same. I'm okay with it if that's where we end up, but I don't want to give up yet on you being the one to carry our child."
She smiles at him again, winding her arms around his neck and pressing a slow kiss to his lips. She lets her fingers drift up into his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp to pull a low groan out of him.
His hands tighten around her hips, pulling her even closer to him, their bodies fitting together perfectly. He deepens the kiss, pulling on her blouse to untuck it and run his hands up under the fabric to gently caress her back.
Juliet moans into his mouth at the contact, using her hand in his hair to hold him in place as he breaks away from her lips to leave a trail of warm kisses along her jaw and down the side of her neck. "You know…I do have work to get back to," she manages to get out, though a bit breathier than she was hoping for.
He hums against her skin, presses a few more kisses to her collarbone, and then pulls back to grin. "But trying for a baby is so much more fun than office work."
She can't help but smile. "Yes, I suppose it is." She pulls him back to her in an instant, reattaching their lips and then tugging him away from the edge of the desk and guiding him toward the chair she'd just been in.
It's hours before she's able to finish the office work she'd been doing.
.
.
.
"Sorry I'm late," Juliet announces her presence to the small group as she gets closer to the table.
Suzy smiles up at her. "Hey, don't worry about it. We all just got here too. Joy's been extra clingy lately so it was harder than usual for me to get out of the house."
Juliet raises a brow as she sits. "I'm assuming you left Rick to deal with a fussy toddler all on his own, then?"
Suzy laughs, holding her hands up. "Hey, he's always eager to get some daddy-daughter time whenever the opportunity presents itself. Plus, he claims to have a surefire way of getting her to calm down and take a nap."
Mahina chuckles. "That is something I'd pay to see."
"Me too," Lia chimes in. "Especially so I could try to implement it with Noah whenever I'm staying over, see if it works on slightly older kids."
Juliet frowns slightly. "Is he still not completely warm to you yet?"
Lia sighs. "I should have expected it, honestly. He's only five, and his dad and I haven't been together that long yet. But I've loved that kid from pretty much the moment I met him, and I want him to at least like me too."
Juliet smiles gently, reaching over to grab Lia's hand and give it a gentle squeeze. "You'll get there. You're a pretty easy person to like."
"I'm just lucky Cade was already a fully-grown teenager when TC and I started getting serious," Mahina interjects. "I feel like it was sort of easier to navigate things that way. Easier to have honest conversations about everything."
"I think it helps that we've all got such great men beside us in this adventure," Suzy remarks with a smile. "They're all such great dads."
Juliet nods. "Indeed they are. I can't imagine parenting is easy by any means, but you all make it look effortless a lot of the time."
Suzy smiles sympathetically. "You'll get your chance one day. I know it's been tough for you two, but you'll find a way to have a baby if it's what you both really want."
Juliet breathes deeply, the corners of her lips twitching. "Well, actually, now that you mention it…" She trails off, glancing around the table at each of them women, watching as the realization hits them, all three reacting in much the same way.
Suzy beams. "Are you sure?"
She smiles and nods. "I took a test yesterday and it came back positive. I know more than anyone that it's not always the most reliable, and I've had more false positives than I'd care to dwell on, but I think…I think this time is different. I can't explain it."
Mahina smiles brightly. "Trust your gut, Juliet."
"You and Thomas are gonna be great parents," Lia tells her. "How'd he react when you told him?"
Juliet's smile falters. "I…I actually haven't told him yet. With all the heartbreak we've already gone through with trying to start a family…I don't want to tell him until I know for sure that this one is going to make it. I honestly don't think I could bear seeing the disappointment on his face again."
"You do whatever you feel you need to," Suzy tells her. "Thomas will understand, he always does."
Juliet smiles again. "Yes, he does." She lets a hand drift to her still-flat stomach. "And you were right, Lia, he's going to be a great father. I'm sure he'll still find ways to drive me mad, but I'm honestly really looking forward to it. I'm excited to be a mum."
She shares smiles with each of her friends, the conversation quickly and easily shifting away from men and babies onto other exciting topics surrounding their everyday lives. She finally orders herself a virgin drink—she'd rather not potentially risk anything happening—and relaxes in her chair. She does her best to push all thoughts of the child potentially growing inside her to the back of her mind for the time being. There's time to stress and worry about all of that much later. Right now she just wants to enjoy her time with her friends and have fun.
Unfortunately, her phone starts ringing halfway through Mahina's story about an accidental house fire she recently had to deal with. She smiles apologetically. "So sorry. I thought I'd silenced it already." She digs the device out and glances at the screen, brows furrowing slightly at the name on display. She doesn't hesitate to answer, holding the phone up to her ear and leaning back. "Gordon, to what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call? Has Thomas finally asked you for one too many favors?" she teases, earning snickers from her table mates.
"Juliet…"
Her entire body freezes in place at the tone of his voice, her grip tightening around her phone. "What happened?"
"I was on the phone with him when it happened."
She shifts, sitting up and pressing the phone closer to her ear, vaguely aware of the other three ladies at the table paying more attention to her. "Gordon. What happened?"
A pause. "He was assisting me with a case, tailing a suspect, and neither of us realized the guy had a friend nearby keeping a close watch. From my understanding, Thomas got rear-ended, was pulled from the car while dazed, and was then assaulted repeatedly. I got there right as the suspects were fleeing, and stayed with him until the ambulance arrived."
She swallows thickly. "How bad is it?"
"He was in and out of consciousness while I was with him, kept muttering about wanting to see you. A lot of cuts and bruises from what I could see while I was with him, and he could hardly move. He's on his way to the hospital right now, I'm about to head there myself."
"Okay. Um…I'm out with Suzy, Lia, and Mahina right now, but I can be there as soon as possible. Thank you, Gordon, for staying with him."
"I know he'd do the same if our roles were reversed. I'll see you soon."
"Yes. Bye." She doesn't wait for him to respond, pulling the phone away from her ear and ending the call.
Her phone falls from her shaking hand in an instant, the reality of what's happened hitting her to its full extent. This certainly isn't the first time either of them, especially Thomas, has been seriously injured while working a case, but this time around there's so much more on the line. Her vision blurs, her heart starts pounding, her breathing gets heavier, the world around her begins to spin. A shaking hand lands on her stomach, a wordless prayer being sent out into the universe that she won't have to suffer through two tragedies at once.
"Juliet?" Suzy's voice breaks through the haze. "Hey, can you hear me?"
Juliet swallows past the lump in her throat, blinking several times to try and clear the tears away, instead feeling them roll down her cheeks. "Thomas…" she manages to get out before choking on a sob, her free hand flying to her mouth.
Warm arms pull her into an embrace and it takes every ounce of willpower she contains not to break down further.
"Juliet, what happened to Thomas?" Lia asks after a moment, that tinge of worry in her voice.
"There was an accident," she explains, pulling out of Suzy's hug with a tiny, grateful smile. "He was severely injured and taken to the hospital."
"I'll drive," Suzy says immediately. "Don't even try to argue with me right now. You shouldn't be driving while you're upset. Someone can come grab the SUV later and take it back to Robin's Nest."
Juliet nods slightly, sniffling. "Alright."
"I'll go tell TC," Mahina speaks up, gesturing toward the bar. "Let him and the others know what's going on, maybe they can meet us there."
"And I can head over to HPD," Lia adds as she stands. "See what they have on the people who hurt Thomas, maybe start trying to find them."
"It's one of Gordon's cases," Juliet tells her. "He asked Thomas to be an extra set of eyes for him."
Lia nods. "I'm on it." She steps forward to hug her. "You just focus on Thomas right now, okay? Hopefully, it's not as bad as it seems and he'll be up on his feet in no time."
"Yes, let's hope so." She swallows thickly, standing and running a still-shaking hand through her curls. "Um, I don't…" Her eyes drift to the various drinks and snacks scattered across the table and she reaches for her wallet.
Suzy places a comforting hand on her arm, halting her. "Hey, no, don't worry about that today."
"I can cover it," Mahina interjects. "I don't mind paying twice in a row."
"Thank you," she whispers and then looks to Suzy. "I don't know if I can do this. Not without Thomas."
Suzy rubs her arm soothingly and smiles softly. "Don't think about that right now, okay? Let's just get to the hospital, see what's going on, and then go from there."
Juliet nods silently, allowing Suzy to guide her away from the table and out of La Mariana. She's a bit unsteady on her feet, though her friend's arm around her waist helps keep her upright long enough to get to the car, and then she's able to relax in the seat, letting the weight of everything finally, truly settle over her.
It takes mere seconds for the composure she'd managed to maintain inside the restaurant to completely break down, her vision blurring once again and her breathing getting heavier. Her body shakes as it's racked with sobs, the tears flowing freely down her face as the possibility of a life without her husband flashes through her mind. She hasn't even seen him yet or had an update about his condition from a medical professional, yet she's fearing the worst, something she can't help but do. It's one of her absolute worst fears and she doesn't know what she'll do if it comes true.
.
.
.
"Where is he?" Juliet demands as soon as she enters the hospital with Suzy trailing behind her, her eyes searching for any familiar face. Her gaze finally lands on Gordon just past the reception desk and she strides right up to him, completely ignoring the receptionist calling for her. "Where's Thomas?"
"Still in surgery. I don't know how much longer he'll be, but someone will come out and talk to us once they know exactly what's going on with his injuries."
She nods, her body still full of agitation and fear. She needs to know as soon as possible about what's going on with her husband, needs to know that he's going to be okay. She doesn't know how she'd survive in a world without Thomas Magnum, especially not after they've been so deliriously happy lately.
"Juliet? Why don't you sit down?"
She doesn't respond, large parts of her still numb, and allows Suzy to guide her to one of the many chairs against the wall. She can't sit still, though, keeps fidgeting and shifting in her seat, her mind whirling and racing, not staying quiet and calm the way she desperately wants it to. Even as everyone else slowly starts to trickle in, she can't focus on any of them, barely casts any of them a second glance, her mind too preoccupied.
Memories flash in and out of her mind, moments throughout all the years she's known Thomas, the way their relationship progressed from barely being able to stand him to him becoming her best friend to finally becoming the love of her life. Yes, she's lived more years of her life without him than with him, but she can't go back to that. She doesn't want to. She's better for having known him, for having loved him. She doesn't want that to go away.
They're supposed to be each other's last love, the person they spend the rest of their lives with and grow old together. Thomas promised as much when he proposed to her and then again in his vows. She cannot lose him.
"Family of Thomas Magnum?"
Juliet's head shoots up at the unfamiliar voice, finding a doctor in scrubs standing in front of the group. She's out of her seat in an instant, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "I'm his wife."
"Mrs. Magnum…we've done everything we can for your husband. There was a lot of internal bleeding and bruising on some of his organs, but we've managed to stabilize him for now. We would like to keep him here for the next few days for observation, though."
She lets out a heavy breath, practically collapsing against the person closest to her, though she doesn't bother checking to see who it is. "So he's alive?"
The doctor nods. "He is. But, the next several hours are crucial. If he manages to pull through this, he's going to have a long road of recovery ahead of him."
"He'll pull through," she insists, more to herself than anyone else. "You don't know my husband, he's incredibly stubborn. He'll make it." She takes a deep breath and stands up straight again. "Can I see him?"
"Of course, though it is just one at a time for now."
"That's alright," she says, not looking at the others. She knows they'll all encourage her to go first; he is her husband, after all.
She follows the doctor through the halls of the hospital, her heart pounding in her ears as she gets closer and closer to her husband, praying to a god she's not sure she believes in for a miracle. One hand rests on her stomach the entire way down the hall, needing every ounce of strength she can find wherever she can get it.
"Here we are," the doctor tells her, pulling her out of her head. "He may not wake up right away, so just be patient."
She nods slowly. "Okay, thank you." She offers him a tiny smile, watches him walk away, and then focuses on the door in front of her.
Taking one final deep breath, she pushes the door open and steps through, her heart nearly stopping at the sight in front of her. Thomas is lying as still as ever in the hospital bed, a standard-issue blanket spread over him and tucked up under his arms. A nasal cannula is helping him breathe, various other wires and diodes are attached to his body at one end and different machines at the other, dozens of cuts and bruises litter his perfectly tanned skin.
It breaks her heart.
Moving further into the room, she approaches her husband's bedside, dragging a nearby chair closer so she can sit and be as close to him as possible. What she'd prefer is to be able to curl up next to him and feel his heart beating beneath her ear, but she knows that's not an option right now. Not with the current state he's in.
So she settles for simply sitting next to his bed and gripping one of his hands tightly in both of hers, silent tears slowly rolling down her cheeks again. "Hi, love," she whispers as she wipes her tears away. "I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere until you wake up, do you hear me? I'm staying right here with you."
She shifts until she's as comfortable as she can be in the chair, the entire room silent save for the sounds of the machines helping to keep her husband Earthside. Seconds turn into minutes turn into hours, all of them spent in complete silence. She can't bear to speak again, not when he can't answer her back. She just needs to hear his voice again as he teases her one minute and then declares his love for her the next, needs to see his eyes looking at her with the same amount of love, adoration, and mischief as always.
No one else joins her while she's sitting at Thomas' bedside, though there's a part of her that is grateful for it. She doesn't think she could handle being around all of them at the present moment, not when she's finally able to be next to her husband, even if he's still unconscious. She'll deal with everyone else later, right now she has only one person she needs to worry about.
She's not sure exactly when she fell asleep, only that she's awoken by the sound of footsteps and hushed voices, and when she looks up, it's much darker outside.
"Sorry, hun, didn't mean to wake you."
Juliet breathes deeply as she sits up, shaking her head. "It's alright. Um…I'm not in your way, am I?" she asks, glancing toward the machines.
The nurse smiles kindly. "Not at all. I was just checking Mr. Magnum's vitals."
"And? How is he?"
"Well, there's been a slight improvement, which is always a good sign. Do you need anything while I'm here?"
Juliet smiles politely. "No, thank you. I'm alright."
"Okay. Well, I'll be going, then. Just hit the button next to his bed if either of you needs anything."
Juliet nods. "I will, thank you." She watches as the nurse leaves and then turns her attention back to a still-unconscious Thomas. She lets out a heavy breath as she slumps down in her seat, running a hand through her hair. She'd honestly been hoping for a lot more progress from her husband, even though it hasn't even been a full day since he came out of surgery.
Scooting forward to the edge of her seat, she grabs Thomas' hand again and holds it firmly between both of hers, bringing it to her lips. She presses a lingering kiss to his skin, smiling softly through a fresh set of tears. "You can wake up now, Thomas. Whenever you want to open your eyes, I'll be right here waiting, okay? I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I love you so much, Thomas."
She gasps quietly when there's a small pressure against her hand. Her eyes drift down, watching and waiting, but nothing happens. She swallows thickly, glancing up at her husband's face. "Thomas? Thomas, can you hear me? If you can hear me, love, squeeze my hand."
There's another light twitch against her hand and she nearly chokes on another sob. She quickly presses the call button next to the bed and then leans as close to her husband as she possibly can, reaching out to brush some of his hair away from his forehead. "I'm right here, Thomas, I'm right here. Just come back to me. Don't pick now to stop being so unbelievably stubborn."
Moments later, the same nurse as before enters the room and heads straight for the other side of Thomas' bed, a tablet held securely in her arms.
"His hand twitched in mine," she tells the woman immediately. "I know it did."
The nurse works silently, glancing between her tablet and the machines attached to Thomas, her brows furrowed slightly. "It looks like he's finally coming all the way out of it. That is some very good news."
More moments pass and Juliet waits with bated breath, staring at her husband's form, watching him closely for any sign that he's waking up. She just needs something.
Quiet rustling makes her pause, holding her breath as she watches his eyelids twitch. His hand twitches in hers again, his entire arm jolting with the movement.
A groan escapes him as his head turns, his eyes slowly opening. "Ju…Juliet?"
"Yes, it's me, Thomas. I'm right here."
"Welcome back, Mr. Magnum," the nurse cuts in, a small smile on her face. "How are you feeling?"
"Sore," he responds in a scratchy voice.
The nurse laughs quietly. "That's certainly to be expected." She checks over the machine again. "Well, everything seems to be going well so far. Nothing is overly painful for you right now?"
Thomas shakes his head. "No."
"Good." She takes a deep breath. "I'm sure you two would like some time together, I'll have the doctor come back to check on you in just a bit."
Juliet smiles politely at the nurse again. "Thank you." She waits for the woman to leave once more and then turns back to her husband, smiling a little brighter at him through her tears. "Hi."
He smiles weakly. "Hey."
Her own smile falters. "Be honest with me, Thomas, how are you really feeling?"
He shifts in the bed and then winces. "Like I got my ass handed to me."
"I should have been with you," she tells him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.
He shakes his head slowly. "No. I'm glad…glad you weren't." He sucks in a shaky breath and then winces. "Besides, it's…it looks worse than it is. I'm gonna be fine."
"You had better be." She hesitates only for a moment, not exactly wanting to tell him now and here of all places, but that small part of her is saying to just go ahead and do it. So she takes a deep breath and shifts in her seat so she's even closer. "Because…because I can't do this on my own."
"Do what?"
"Be a parent." She smiles softly at him. "I'm pregnant, Thomas. I just found out yesterday. I suspect it's a result of that trip we took for your birthday."
His entire face lights up, completely overshadowing whatever amount of pain he's in. "I'm…I'm gonna be a dad?"
She nods. "You are. And this one…this one's going to stick, I know it. So you have to get better, do you hear me?"
He chuckles lightly. "Yes, ma'am. I can't let you have all the fun."
"I wouldn't dream of it."
Finishing her overview of the estate's previous month's expenses, Juliet breathes deeply and leans back in her seat, listening to the faint sounds coming through the baby monitor next to her on the desk. She takes a few more minutes to herself since the sounds aren't alarming in any way, and then eventually gets up and gets herself moving. She knows she needs to start getting things ready for the party later, no matter how much a piece of her just wants to crawl back into bed and stay there for the rest of the day.
But she manages to pull herself together again and makes her way down the hall and into the bedroom that's next to hers. The door is ajar, the light still off, soft lullabies playing through the hanging mobile above the crib, quiet babbles drifting toward her.
Stepping into the room, Juliet switches on the light and greets the two Dobermans lounging dutifully and protectively on either side of the crib. She gives each dog an affectionate head scratch and then steps up to the crib itself.
She leans against the railing of the crib and smiles down at the infant lying inside, her heart swelling just as it does every time. She reaches out and runs a hand over the baby's head, smiling a little bigger when his small hands catch one of her fingers and pull it closer to his mouth.
She laughs quietly. "I'm sure that tastes lovely." She expertly extracts her finger and replaces it with one of the baby's teething rings (that he's thankfully not experiencing yet), watching her son in silence for a moment longer.
She sighs when he tosses the toy away and waves his arms in her general direction. So she lifts him out of the crib with ease and holds him up against her shoulder. "Hello, my love," she says with a smile, gently swaying from side to side. She turns her head to press a kiss to his dark hair, closing her eyes momentarily as she breathes in his familiar scent of baby soap and shampoo.
She smiles at him as she pulls away, shifting her hold on the infant so she can see him. "I hope you're ready to see everyone today, TJ, they're all coming over to help us celebrate. It simply wouldn't feel right without them, would it?"
She quickly feeds and changes her son, grateful when he's more cooperative than usual, and then gets him dressed in the perfect outfit for relaxing outside with the rest of the ohana. It's one of many adorable island-themed outfits she received before TJ was born.
Securing TJ to her in the baby sling she also received as a gift, she makes sure he's as comfortable as can be and then makes her way out to the back lawn. She's only slightly surprised when she finds everything nearly completely set up, Kumu at the center of it all.
"What's all this?" she asks as soon as she steps outside, shielding her eyes from the mid-afternoon sun beating down on them.
Kumu turns and smiles. "Oh, I figured you had enough on your plate today, thought I'd help out a little, make things go a bit easier." Her eyes drift down. "And I see our favorite little man is awake again."
Juliet smiles down at her son. "Indeed he is. And he's being surprisingly cooperative so far, which I am certainly not going to complain about." She laughs quietly, rubbing one hand up and down her son's back.
"No, I don't suppose you would. Want me to take him for a while? Let you relax a little?"
"Are you sure?"
Kumu waves her off. "Of course. I can never have too much time with him while he's still this little."
"Alright." Juliet carefully removes TJ from the sling and hands the little boy over to Kumu, watching with a smile as the older woman cradles TJ against her and wanders through the grass, talking softly to him. She deposits the fabric carrier on a nearby surface and then settles herself down on one of the lounge chairs in the grass.
The sun is shining down on her, the waves are lapping against the shore in the distance, the lads are barking softly as Kumu approaches with TJ. So she lets herself relax, but doesn't bother trying to forget about her pain, especially not today of all days. Today is a day for her to truly embrace the pain.
"Hello hello."
Juliet turns to smile at her guests, standing and making her way toward them across the lawn. "Hello," she calls as she gets closer.
"Auntie Jules!"
She smiles brightly at the toddler rushing toward her, stooping down just enough to catch the girl in her arms. "Hello, sweetheart. I've missed you."
"I missed you too," Joy tells her. "Where's TJ?"
"He's right over there with Kumu and the lads," she tells the toddler, gesturing toward a nearby area of grass where her son is laid out on a blanket, Zeus and Apollo dutifully at his side like always and Kumu relaxing in a lawn chair. "You are more than welcome to go say hello."
"Okay." Joy slides down out of her arms and then darts across the grass once again, letting out an excited squeal as she practically leaps into Kumu's lap.
Laughing quietly, Juliet turns to greet her friends, pulling Suzy into a hug first, and then Rick. The mood shifts instantly, their combined bittersweet feelings about the day looming over the three of them.
"How you feeling, Higgy?" Rick asks once they break the hug.
Juliet breathes deeply. "I'm managing. Focusing on TJ makes it a little easier. Though it still hurts."
"Well, you know we're here if you need anything."
"Absolutely," Suzy agrees. "If you ever need us to babysit, I'm sure Joy would be thrilled to have TJ over even just for a couple of hours."
Juliet smiles. "Thank you. I'll certainly keep it in mind."
"Aw man, did I miss the group hug?"
Juliet laughs quietly, glancing up at TC as he saunters toward them, Mahina and Cade trailing behind him. "I don't think we'd mind another."
"Excellent." TC steps closer and pulls both her and Rick into a tight hug.
Juliet lets out a shaky breath in the arms of two of her husband's closest friends, grateful for the fact that she still has both of them around. She takes a small step back when the hug breaks, smiling at the other two new party guests. "Hello. Glad you both could make it."
Mahina smiles gently. "We wouldn't dream of missing it. Do you mind if I use your restroom?"
"Not at all. You remember where it is?"
Mahina nods and then disappears into the house.
"Cade! Cade!" Joy shouts in the distance.
Cade sighs playfully and then chuckles. "Duty calls, I guess." He tosses Juliet a smile and then moves past her to indulge Joy in whatever game she's most likely concocted.
Juliet takes a deep breath and turns to the others. "Well, feel free to mingle. There's an assortment of snacks and drinks, too, so help yourselves." She watches the group walk toward the grass, happily greeting Kumu and then TJ and Joy.
Gordon and Dennis show up mere moments later, and she greets both of them with hugs and smiles. Shammy arrives a couple of minutes after them, followed by Jin, and then Lia is the last to arrive with her boyfriend Aaron and his son Noah in tow.
As with everyone else, she greets them all with smiles and hugs, though some hugs last a bit longer than others. Once everyone is present, Juliet makes her way over to the group and settles herself in the same lawn chair she'd been in just moments before.
She looks around at everyone as she relaxes in her seat, unable to help the smile that tugs at her lips at seeing them all gathered together in her yard. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't momentarily worried that all of this would disappear. She should have known that the heartbreak they all felt almost a year ago would keep them close.
.
.
.
It's several hours later when Juliet finally feels that she should address the group as a whole, to talk about the reason they're all gathered at her house drinking, snacking, and sharing fond memories. So with her son cradled in her arms, she stands and looks around again at the people who are settled on her lawn, some in the grass and others in chairs.
She takes a deep breath and shifts on her feet, standing a little taller. "I know that today is a tough one for all of us, but I wanted to take a moment to say a few words.
"Most of you know how difficult this past year has been for me. For us," she says, smiling at her son and gently bouncing him. "But time and time again," she continues, looking at the group again, "you've been there for us when we needed you, even while you were grieving too. And I couldn't be more grateful for that.
"I'll always wish my son could have known his father, that will never, ever change. But knowing that Thomas got to know, just for a moment, about TJ's existence, it helps quite a lot. My son is the last gift my husband gave me, and I'll always find some comfort in that." She swallows thickly. "You all mean the world to me and TJ, and nearly all of you wouldn't be in my life if it weren't for Thomas. So thank you, for being here, for helping me celebrate my husband on his birthday, even though he can't be here with us anymore."
She shifts her attention to the baby in her arms, smiling softly at him. "And you, my little miracle, I love you more than words can even begin to express. I may not have your father, but I have you, and I know we'll be alright. I promise that we'll celebrate your dad's birthday every year, and everyone here is going to tell you so many stories about him so that you can know him in some way, because he was a very, very great man. One of the best I've ever known."
TJ stirs then, his face scrunching up and a tiny whine escaping past his thin lips.
Juliet gently soothes her son and then looks up at her friends. "If you'll all excuse me, I should go put this one down for the night." She turns and makes her way into the house, heading down the hall and straight for the nursery, the lads following closely behind her as they do whenever someone is carrying TJ.
As soon as she's inside she quickly feeds, burps, and changes TJ, then gets him settled in his crib, his eyes already closed and his breathing nearly evened out. She's grateful that her son is a relatively easy sleeper, never fussing too much when it's time to wake up or go to sleep. She prays that never changes as he gets older.
She doesn't move away from his crib like she normally does most nights, and instead leans against the railing and smiles at her son's sleeping form. It's incredible how much he looks like his father despite how young he is, and she hopes that it only gets more noticeable the older he gets. She would love nothing more than for him to be the spitting image of his dad.
She lets out a heavy, shaky breath as she twists her head to look at the framed image hanging on the wall, one of her favorites from the wedding that feels like a lifetime ago now. It's centered on Thomas, though a portion of the back of her head is blurred on the edge, and his entire face is lit up in a smile, his eyes shining with unshed tears. He had all but begged for them to do a first look before the ceremony, claiming that he wanted this one to be extra special since their first attempt, despite it all being a ruse, wasn't exactly a fairytale. So she'd indulged him, and she's more than pleased that she did.
Their photographer, a friend of Rick's, had captured the moment so perfectly and she'll be forever grateful for it among all the other special moments during the ceremony and reception that he was able to capture. Even after all these months, in the quiet of the night, she sometimes finds herself going through the physical album from the wedding, a gift from Thomas on their first anniversary.
"Happy birthday, love," she whispers so she doesn't disturb her son. "I miss you every single day." She lets her gaze drift down to her son, smiling softly at the sleeping baby. "Sweet dreams, Thomas. I love you very much."
So? What did you think? Let me know in a review down below.
If you didn't pick up on it or figure it out, TJ's full name is Thomas Sullivan Magnum V, or Thomas Junior, hence TJ.
Until next time,
Jellybean96 out!