-Why do you keep consuming that stuff you know that's junk for your body, even your druggie Friends says the same
-Come on you know I only do it for fights
Thing is they where constantly fighting.
After menacing elder Maxson to kill himself if anything happens to Danse, both were spared, well, one exiled, the other one on watch but technically spared. The ex-Paladin had a very delicate situation explaining to himself and the world why he feeled so alone and abandoned and…to make him understand that his life was worthy because there was people that loved him and would cry for his loss Nate took the chance to confess when the opportunity arrived, yes, maybe he wouldn't confess in the middle of a existencial crisis but it was a right chance to give the man something after loosing everything.
And also his head had been crazy looking for chances to have something with the Paladin. Nate had a growing feeling in his chest since the moment he decided to make the Paladin his companion. Never, never, never had fallen in love or thought about romance with another man, never even feeled attracted but…Danse hit him differently, unexpected.
Nate didn't thought about being this close with anybody after…what happened to his wife, he promised himself that his only worries would be Shaun and the vengeance of Nora but…it was stronger than him, love is strong, love hits you like a rock in the head and you cant avoid how it makes you feel.
Sometimes, he felt guilty, for betraying Nora like this, he saw her die in front of his eyes not so long ago, a few months in his eyes, Shaun, the gift Nora gave him was now somekind of monster and he didn't resolve that situation yet , not even a year later he find a new romance and it feels…awfull…Nora was the love of his life and having a growing feeling for another person so…fast…really messed up with his head in guilt and desesperation.
It wasn't loneliness, Nate managed that well, fighting and looking and learning and doing everything to survive and found Saun, it was something else, he was convinced it was pure love, the kind of love you don't expect to happened and it just too perfect how it became true. Never think himself with a man and…one day he cant stop thinking on how much he missed just walking with Danse.
The Paladin was great, intelligent, strong, resistant, had a great determination to work…Nate appreciated how the man wasn't a burden, they were at the same level, he did care and worry about Danse but clearly the Paladin was strong and smart, and that was so reliefing considering how difficult and aggressive his…schedule is day by day.
Some other days, when they were together, Nate found himself looking at Danse and thinking on how handsome it was, even when he never looked a man like that.
Of course, he would confess in another moment, more appropriate for both, but he was happy it happened anyway, and that Danse accepted his feelings in such a personal moment. Clearly the man was willing to make a new life now that his previous one was flipped up.
-You are taking buffout now to be more strong and carry more junk
-Well I want to repair my power-armor and i need this aluminium so…
-Let me carry it! I can help you! Offered you many times!
-What? No way! Im not gonna bother you with this cans, it wouldn't be appropriate, besides you talk like I have a problem with chems
-You do have a problem with chems
-Im so sorry for being the druggie boyfriend –Danse rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed- come on! Its only for practical purposes! I don't do mentats for example! That ones are for loosers that cant talk to a girl!
It was true, Nate only takes chems for certains situations, like a fight, or to escape from a situation, to avoid radiation and be stronger, to have more endurance…to carry more weight…
-Well you don't need them! None of this crap!
-Hey when I get addicted as soon as I can we go to a doctor to fix it, even in the Brotherhood it was normal to do chems according to Knight Cade
-Well it wasn't exactly a good thing for him to make you know that…
-Why?
-If people thinks that doing chems is normal and not that bad it would cost personal and resources to the Brotherhood, interfiering with the day by day chores…
-Come on even at the Institute they do chems, once even pay me with it–Danse looked at him bad- Look I was in the military too, before you small youngling –the man laughted, loved when Nate do that joke about their ages- we didn't do drugs back then, there where a lot of test anti-dopping and the consequences for being positive where so severe –Oh no, the pond of memorys was always a down for Nate, but he constantly will be remembering old memories…it didn't past that much for him after all- I left drugs at early age, when I enter the military, because I was a very patriot man with a lot of sense of responsibility in the army and…I take chems here…in the commonwealth…after the appocalipse –Nate bit his lip, feeling a bitter taste coming from that subject…
-Im worried about you, I know that not being open to the subject is a mistake because humans have natural tools to process drugs, it's a very natural thing, but once you killed a granny by giving her the chems she was asking –once Danse mentioned that about Mama Murphy a hand went to cover his face, he often tries to forget that episode.
-I was desesperate for answers and that woman was right about everything…-by that time, he was in the search of Kellogg. Of course it wasn't a necessary sacrifice, it was something he would like to forget for the rest of his life and his mind wouldn't let him, an error, a terrible error, paid with the life of a woman that only helped him, it was a dark chapter for him.
-Im not judging you, just to remind you on first hand how this stuff is, even the ghoul mayor friend of yours do concern
-You know, back there, when I was young in the university we had this stuff that was white dust…-Danse looked at him bad, again, clearly tired of the subject- again babe, sorry for being the dopped boyfriend –the ex-Paladin started to walk away from that useless attempt to save his boyfriend health, and Nate followed him, getting on front and hugging him by the neck, the height differences between them when one was with the power armor and the other not were huge, but still he managed to hug him and make the ex-Paladin stop on his runaway-heyhey…do I tell you enought how much I love your hair? –Nate started to caress his perfect black and shiny Pompadour.
-Gosh you are high –despite being annoyed, he liked the feeling of his hands over his scalp
-Buffout doesn't cause allucinations or a state of conscious, this thing is back from my days small youngling, I fucking meant what I say about your hair –Nate laughted at see him blush –im so relieved that you didn't find yet where I hid that awfull hat…
-I swear to you if this nonsense of hiding my cap continues any longer…
-Come on is just a hat not a helmet, I refuse to spend another day without that perfect hairstyle –he didn't remember being this happy, this dreamy talking, this overjoyed with just being around someone you love before…that broadcast on the television before everything change forever.
Turning a man who always considered himself straight to bi was a challenge, it started with feelings, definitely some feelings, their connection was so natural and the air betweem them was so confortable that a…flirting joke not so joke would pass away…right? But when Danse reacted so cute to that…confession not confession it definetly turned down the table for him.
And them at each encounter Danse looked more and more and more handsome, despite not changing anything about his aspect, and not even pass many hours between the last time they see each other.
God he fall in love so hard.
Danse smiled with tenderness –Lets reach Jamaica Plain to fix that power armor, I don't like being out of the settlement, this is the area of the gunner brigadiers and theres a lot around this settlement, we only went out because you said you were…out of trash…
-Well not a lot of caravans move to this sides…so I cant be…out of cash –Danse silly laughted, and Nate had a bright smile after seeing him enjoy that joke –speaking of which we can make a little stop before going to the settlement to…-that silence give Danse al the information he needed
-What? Absolutely not
-Why not? I can show you how im not affected at all
-If you take buffout the effect is going to last for 3 days at least, just like any other druggie you cant keep it hard the whole thing –Nate now feeled insulted, especially when Danse started to walk away faster
-Well I can still suck you dick to make you cum! –how dare Danse speak to him about that, damn switch.
-Then you will be unable to cum because of the chems and spend all that grumpy –when the ex-Paladin make that statement, Nate turned ashamed, yep, it was true, not gonna lie –Also I don't like the sex with you being high, is like…taking advantage…
Oh…sweet boy…well of course it was like that but he had full confidence in Danse and allowed him to do that in that circunstances, also he enjoyed the overstimulation caused by some chems…like jet…and never practiced before in sex…
Nate took his big metal armored hand, walking with him.
-You win, don't worry about me, I know what im doing…
-Every druggie says that –says Dance with a really dark voice.
Nate was a first hand fighther since the day he trow rockets, misils, fatmans and granades like crazy after finding a Behemot by accident sleeping in a lake in the middle of Boston, that day, he won a super weapon, a weapon that Danse considered an abomination but…god dammit Nate loved it. The GRA was a robot arm with a piece of concrete and some bars attached, really really poor desing, obviously improvised and not secure at all but god damn it hitted well.
Danse see how Nate exploded supermutants heads with just that fist, it was crazy how the weight of a piece of concrete was so dense and barbaric…
And it worked.
But because of that Nate take a lot of chems, Jet, Psyco, Buffout, Med-X, Stempacks, he needed the adrenaline to lift that weapon, he needed his muscles to forget how to set an alarm of "hey this is so much more than we can handle", he needed his spine to work much more than its limitations, he needed the inhibition to go forward his target and kill it at once.
It was destructive, for Nate and everyone in front of him defying him.
Yeah, it was an effective weapon, but at what cost.
It was crazy how that thinn man in a vault suit, with just a military armor scavenged from gunner brigadiers and military ghouls goes all high straight up to battle with a fucking concrete fist and wins.
I mean Danse didn't discuss the results but…
It was dangerous, extremely dangerous, god he now gets something important in his life and despite being…indestructible at sight…it was so scary, Nate moved in such a scary way that it makes him comtemplate all the possible ways of dying horrible, it makes Danse stomach falls to the ground everytime he sees Nate pulling out that damn fist.
How can a piece of concrete can be more trilling than a laser rifle? Nate managed to do that work.
At least ghouls didn't have a chance.
The vault suited man can receive a hit by a supermutant hammer and not being annoyed at all.
A fucking Deathclaw can throw him into the ground like a kid with a toy and if he is in Psyco it would just shake his head a bit and nothing more.
Raiders with a minigun? No problem, some Med-X and gotta gofastfastgaster to the objective and blow up his brain.
Gosh so risky.
Still, so brave.
And full of energy, and anger, agony, desire of vengeance and resentment.
A lot of negative emotions drive Nate to fist supermutant in the face and make it explode.
Making it something that really amazed Danse.
Nate was a dangerous man, that will do everything to complete his goals, but he didn't feel threatened by him.
But such a strong determination make Danse the chance to develop more deeping feelings than just admiration…
When Nate flirted with him the first time and Danse responded that he was surprised but he would take the time to think about it…he meant it serious.
But yeah, the vault suited man sometimes get on his nerves, he was still, to rigid from what he was told his entire existence, about rules and things worked in the Brotherhood. It was a process, a transformation, he often correct himself to say things he would say…if he was still in the Brotherhood…better left that chapter go slowly…
-To make you the point that im not so ruined like a raider I tell you something, when I was in the military I saved enough money for my wife to not work, have a baby and be at home with our newborn for a lot of time, as I was retired like a veteran, and despite having all that money I didn't do drugs, god, there was money in this country, so much money, so much growing and progress…-despite that anecdotes weren't a reliave font of data for a search or manuscript, it was so interesting hearing Nate talk about Pre-War, obviously Danse had a lot of Brotherhood transcripted data with their vision of the world still, but it was pretty similar with Nate point of view of how he lived that ages.
-Don't worry, ill cover your ass when your agility is compromised by some chem and take you to the closest doctor as possible
-Love you, althought im the one that cover your ass if you know what I mean…-and Danse hits on his head with his laser rifle, god, buffouts doesn't really makes you high?
-You are unbereable like this.
-Leave it all to the chemmy boyfriend